Let's Start the Year with Toys! DAMN IT!

Is Chris just going to dedicate his channel to toys now? It’s feeling like that with his latest two videos. I’d say “make a separate channel for toys”, but he barely uses his Skylanders channel, and he outright gave up on his amiibo blog (no posts since July). Chris really has no clue how to handle his channel now.

First of the two videos, posted on December 31st (likely to screw over my year end list). Bores is going to attempt comparing Skylanders, Disney Infinity, amiibo, and Lego Dimensions. Goody, I can sense this will be LOADED with poorly research information.
Oh, and it’s 18 minutes long. *sighs* Alright.

We open on Bores at his table, and on it are groups of the four toys. Skylanders on the left, amiibo on the middle left (Smash Bros Mario, Pikachu, Pit, Villager, and SMB Luigi, and that red stand fucking sticks out, just put another Smash Bros figure there or buy the god damn Plank Luigi), Disney Infinity on the middle right (all five the Inside Out emotions) and Lego Dimensions on the right (I see the starter pack characters Batman, Gandalf and Wyldstyle, I see Emmet from The Lego Movie, Homer Simpson, and Marty McFly).

Is this where all your money is going Chris? You said back in the video asking for a cover for your stupid book that you can’t pay much because money is tight. Yet here you are buying all these fucking toys. I’m sure the Skylanders were free because Activision thinks you’re actually valuable to this shitty franchise, but I guarantee that all the others were out of his own pocket. He’s shown four of the five amiibo before, the newest looks to be Villager (that’s $14 at Toys R Us). For the Inside Out figures, Sadness, Envy and Disgust are $14 each, with Joy & Anger being part of a pack with the Inside Out DI3.0 level for $35. If he bought the game too then that’s $65. Lego Dimensions likely took out the biggest dent. The starter pack alone is $100. Getting Marty McFly and Homer Simpson is about $30 each as they come with a vehicle and new level. Emmet is $15 as he also comes with a vehicle.

So if we add all that up, that’s around $331 spent, not counting four amiibo already seen before. I’m sorry, how exactly is money tight?
Granted, he could have likely waited for discounts on a lot of these. You can buy the PS4 version of Lego Dimensions on Amazon for $70 at the moment. Still more than a normal game, but it’s a nice discount.
Also, why did he even buy the Inside Out toys? Didn’t he say before he didn’t like Disney Infinity? Maybe he changed his mind and he’ll say so in this video? I really should stop stalling and fucking get to it.

“And this has been dubbed Toys to Life” Uh doi.
“I get a couple e-mails a week” Just a couple? Really reigning that ego in Chris.
Chris claims he got into Skylanders because it’s a dungeon crawler. Is that why you barely talk about the gameplay in… all the games?
He says the characters reflected the “fantasy middle ages genre they were going for” *looks at Trigger Happy with his guns and cannons* You are crazy.
He didn’t script this… again… why does he think he can go unscripted?

Talks about Disney Infinity. “We had Mickey Mouse” Who wasn’t released until late in the first game’s life, and it was Sorcerer’s Apprentice Mickey, the classic one wasn’t released until the third game.
He mentions his idea for a story that he wanted to happen. So what gave you the idea that your little fanfic, or any story for that matter, would happen?
He goes on about how the developers at E3 said no to all his questions. He believes they were trying to make Minecraft. Did you even know what Minecraft was around that time? I just think they weren’t trying to completely copy Skylanders. Make something original with the Toys-to-Life idea.
Boooooooorrrrrrriiiiiing how the fuck is this 18 minutes?
He goes on about wanting a compelling story to buy a video game. Yet you still bought Disney Infinity. Unless GotGame gave that to you but you’re never clear about that.
“I did not like it” Yet here you are with the fucking Inside Out figures. Why did you buy them?!
He complains that they keep making more with 2.0 and 3.0. Because people buy them! They buy the games, they buy the figures. They have Marvel and Star Wars, two of the biggest franchises of the last few years! You gave them at least $75 just to do this video! I know you’re an idiot when it comes to basic economics but my god!
Oh, he buys the figures because he feels they’re well made. Then you just answered your own question! They make more because people buy them, including you! You are fucking stupid!

Onto amiibo. Mentions their use in Smash Bros.
Then complains that they don’t really add much to the game. “You can still play as Mario blah blah blah” The point is they’re trainable AI. You can teach it to move like how you move, and considering you’re terrible at every game you play it’s likely they don’t add much for you. You ever hear of amiibo cockfights?
“It doesn’t really add anything to the game” Yes they do.
“A new skin or a new vehicle” What’s wrong with a new vehicle? Also, what game adds new vehicles?
Why do you not do research? Why do you insist on being an ignorant fuckface? Hyrule Warriors adds a new weapon for Link, Codename STEAM adds playable Fire Emblem characters, Picross 3D 2 adds new puzzles, Captain Toad Treasure Tracker adds a “Find the Toad” game, Shovel Knight adds co-op, Mega Man Legacy Collection adds exclusive challenge levels, Splatoon adds challenge levels that unlock new gear. Hell, there’s three games already that require amiibo to function. Granted, one is just a free app that only plays random Virtual Console demos, but you have the two Animal Crossing games that require Animal Crossing figures or cards. Yes, some of the games are nothing more than skins. Mario Kart 8, One Piece Super Grand Battle X, Ace Combat: Assault Legacy +, Super Mario Maker, Yoshi’s Wooly World, but these are all just fun bonuses. That’s what it all is. Maybe you should have done some research before making this stupid fucking video!

He does mention that he heard “rumors” of a similar Skylanders-esque game. He also mentions how they’re “playable” in Super Mario Maker. Not really, it’s called “Costume Mario” for a reason. While you do get sound effects and music for beating the level or dying (unless you’re a Pokemon), they’re really nothing more than Mario playing dress-up.
Blah blah classic Nintendo characters I’m totes a gamer you guyz
He brings up the initial “rarebility”. Pretty sure that’s not a word. You likely meant scarcity or rarity, words that actually exist. Write a fucking script Chris!
Specifically he brings up how Villager was are, but he recently walked into “the store” and got it for $12. No, you got it for $14 because the Villager restock is Toys R Us exclusive, and they ask for $14 instead of $13 for some reason.
He brags about he was right about Nintendo getting a handle on the stocking situation. That’s not something to brag about, most people understood they would get the stock issues sorted out. It just took time and a lot of angry forum posts.

Now onto Lego Dimensions. Oh my god this video is only 7 and half minutes done.
He mentions he was hesitant to try it because Infinity and amiibo “disillusioned him”. Well if you had done RESEARCH you would know that they would do! Fuuuuck.
He just announced he plans to do a Lego Dimensions review. I sense pain on the horizon. I’ve watched videos of Lego Dimensions (because that game is fucking expensive) and it’s exactly the same as the other licensed Lego games. Have you played Lego Star Wars, Indiana Jones, Batman, Harry Potter, Pirates of the Caribbean, Lord of the Rings, Marvel, Jurassic World, or The Lego Movie game? Then you’ve played Lego Dimensions. It’s the same gameplay but with an inflated cost. Plus some franchises that haven’t been featured like Back to the Future, Scooby-Doo, The Simpsons, The Wizard of Oz, and Doctor Who.
Anyway, he gushes about the game, says it’s great (so I guess he doesn’t have to do the review then). Blah blah blah blah.
Talks about building everything “At first I thought these were a pain in the ass” These are some of the simplest looking Lego minifigs ever. You’re not asked to build complex designs for this game. Except for the Gateway and even then…
Oh, he’s got the Portal 2 Level Pack. Add another $30 to the above total ($361). Want to bet all the references flew over his head?
He mentions the ability to reassemble vehicles. Makes sense, it is a Lego game, and despite all the licensed stuff and instruction manuals they really want to enforce imagination.
Then he brings up all the voice actors, specifically pointing out Michael J. Fox. “I don’t know how they got him” They drove a giant dump truck full of money to his house.
“If you were a child growing up in the 80’s” Oh my god! I’m starting to realize how much he says this. You could probably go back and count how many times he said this, it might reach over 20. If that’s an attempt at a catchphrase, it’s a really dumb one.

He’s got this poster in front of him, and he’s pausing a lot. See, this is why you script! It’s not even an unedited ramble either, there’s clear editing going on!
Ugggggggggh, how is there so much of this left?
He brings up “Easter Eggs”, mentioning how Emmet can interact with Owen Grady from Jurassic World (and he doesn’t remember his name because he refuses to research) and Emmet will say “Don’t I know you?” “Hilarious!” he yells. … That’s really more a chuckle. Then again, he thinks Pixels is a great movie.

“This is probably the only franchise that holds a candle to Skylanders” I don’t think anyone will agree with you outside of your most dedicated sycophants.
“I hope Activision is listening” HAHAHAHAHAHHAA
“They could learn a lot by playing this game” Wasn’t Swap Force kind of like Lego? With the whole mixing up characters thing? What are they supposed to take from Lego? License some more characters? They got DK and Bowser, and that was more to synergize with amiibo. I don’t see anything more than that happening in Skylanders (hell, Nintendo forbade Fox McCloud, Kirby and Peach from appearing for various reasons).

“The last Skylanders game I played, the Skylanders SuperChargers” You mean the most recent? The way you phrased that, you make it sound like the last one you played was an older one. Script?
“I wasn’t impressed” I saw the review, I already know this.
He feels they went the wrong direction. Or maybe you’re suffering franchise fatigue. It’s Activision’s specialty, as shown with Tony Hawk, Guitar Hero, and someday Call of Duty.
He says he liked it when he played the “behind closed doors” demo. Well yeah they were pampering you. One of the many reasons gaming journalism is a fucking joke.
He thought the racing would be separate, but they “force it” onto you. That’s kind of the point, it’s why it’s called SuperChargers, because vehicles are an important aspect. It’s why a lot of the new characters come with vehicles. This is obvious and I haven’t touched the game.
More on how he doesn’t want any innovation and just wants killing enemies. Casual fuck…
“I’m not badmouthing the game” …. Five more minutes.

Says the GF’s kids didn’t like it, says message boards didn’t like it. You keep citing message boards, yet I don’t believe a word of it. What boards do you even read? I doubt you read /v/ or NeoGAF, then you’d actually sound informed.
He says he went back to the first game, and continues on about how he just wants the first game again. Remember Sonic Unleashed? How he said he wanted Sega to “get back to basics”? Then they did  that with Sonic 4 and he said it wasn’t “new or inventive enough” for him? Yeah I get the feeling that would happen if Skylanders 6 is just “back to basics”, he would demand they do something new. I can see through your excessive shit Chris.
“Get rid of the racing” I doubt they’re going to repeat the same gimmick again dumbass. They didn’t repeat the giants, they didn’t repeat the swapping, they barely emphasized the traps for SuperChargers, and I don’t see them using racing again. Maybe you should actually pay attention to the franchise Activision is paying you to shill.
Blah blah blah won’t shut up about gimmicks
“The story was great” He’s referring to the first game. … The most generic kid-friendly story possible. Evil guy tries to take over the world, stop him. I’m not even boiling it down to the barest minimum, that’s essentially the story.
He also wants them to go back to the “fantasy medieval” setting. … The first game had robots! One of them is in the shot! Stop talking out of your ass!
He even acknowledges the robots! This is hurting my head…
And now he’s just showing off his toys. Oh my fucking god just end. We got your point, you want the first game. Well guess what, Activision is actually trying to evolve the series.
He brings up Diablo again. I feel every time he mentions Diablo, a Blizzard employee shudders in horror.
“They’re going in a more cartoon direction” … They’ve always been cartoony. I mean, look at the cast of the first game, they are cartoony as fuck! It’s really weird to hear a grown man wax nostalgic over something that was released when he was already a grown man! The first game didn’t even come out that long ago, 2011.
“Fit more with the theme of Dungeons & Dragons” … You’re dense. Nothing in the first game invokes that. I can’t believe I’m hearing this.
Claims new characters won’t last two days. … They have guns, swords, and all sorts of weapons, and I’m pretty sure the enemies are the same every game. I don’t understand your point.
“The third thing” THERE’S MORE?!
More shit from the first game, the doors that need specific elements. He wants that back, he doesn’t like that everyone can go everywhere. … Do Skylander fans take this guy seriously? Let me know. I … I can’t believe how stupid he’s sounding, and I’m not even a fan of the series.
Somehow he thinks the gimmicks will cause the franchise to peter out. No Chris, you’re stupid. If you don’t like the gimmicks, then fucking give up. Cut off your Activision ties, stop talking about this fucking Skylanders stuff your fans clearly don’t care about, close your stupid side channel that you barely even use.

Holy balls that was a mess. I’m surprised I got so much content of that. I should have covered that sooner! I guess you can consider that an honorary 21st place for the 2015 list. Dumbass man-child hates change, and doesn’t do research. Fuck!

And there’s still the second video. The first video of 2016! Released on January 6th, a Wednesday. I see you’re still giving your “schedule” the middle finger.
So how is he going to start the year? Gravity Falls action figures. … Chris the show is ending soon, don’t make things worse. … I get the feeling he’s going to make things worse.

I just noticed it’s an unboxing. My care levels are even lower.
“The first series of many more” The show’s ending. I doubt it.
*skims through video* Blah, I’m bored. I’m done. I don’t care. Stop making toy videos Chris.

Sorry if I sounded so angry in this post. I just really wish that for once in his life, Chris would do some research. Actually look into the things he’s spending money on. Especially if he claims that money is tight at the moment. I doubt the book sold well enough that you’re free to spend over $300 on plastic crap. Oh and add like $40-50 for the Gravity Falls figures. I doubt he’s even going to make that much on the video itself, his views are still crap.

Any ideas on what’s next? Whining about a classic game? Trying to do “crazy” crap again? Terrible tech review? I know what I’m doing next. Getting a drink.