Welcome to a new part of the blog I like to call “IG Attempts the News”. Recently, Bores has redesigned to his site to be more like a news/interest blog a/la Destructoid or Kotaku. Only far far far far far far worse. What I’m going to do is find the worst articles and mock them. It would certainly help fill the gaps of inactivity since Bores no longer cares about making videos.
I won’t go into every article as it would take too long. However, there is something bad in every single one. See for yourself and despair.
Stories from July 12th 2013
“Worlds Most Anticipated E3 Video Game EVER - PEGGLE 2! epic FAIL!”
We start off with old news! If you’re still reporting on E3 a month after it happened, you‘re doing it wrong!
“Man this dude is my number 1 pick for the E3 2013 meme.” He became a meme the instant this happened… one month ago. I’d say someone should make an Irate Slowpoke picture, but I get the feeling he wouldn’t understand it’s insulting.
Also, he unironically uses “epic fail”… twice. I see he’s attempting to be Failblog as well.
“Entering Konami Code on Vogue’s UK website Reveals Dino Easter Egg!”
Any other site would just report this. Bores has to make it perverted.
Mentioning “ogling the sexy ladies” and “sexy velociraptors with sexy hats”. Good lord man, keep your fantasies to yourself!
Also, it’s 2013. We have high-speed internet and endless access to all kinds of porn. If you need Vogue to get off, you are sheltered as hell.
“Street Fighter’s Blanka Smacking the crap out of people”
This refers to the “Blanka is a Troll” video series, which takes footage of people falling and adds Blanka in them to make him look like the culprit. It’s funnier than anything IG puts out. Bores claims this is funny because… well read this.
“Mostly because I like to pull the same pranks of people I don’t like, but I gotta go now, the cops ared my door for filling the neighbors pool with jello”. What is wrong with you? I know it’s obviously not true, but is this the impression you want to give people? That you’re an asshole that regularly gets in trouble with the law because of expensive pranks on people you don’t like for reasons I’m imagining are petty as fuck? Is this meant to be “in-character” or are you really this big of a dickhead?
James Rolfe better not appear at E3, or Bores will tape the biggest “Kick Me” sign to his back!
“LEGO Creation - Legend of Zelda NES Overworld Map”
Okay, this one doesn’t seem so horrid, pointless Zack the Lego Maniac reference aside. *clicks article*
“Just don’t drop that sucker accidentally! Link fans around the world will kill you 10 times before your bloody carcass hits the ground. Hell I will kill you 6 of those times!” … You sound like a psychopath! Do you think that gamers are just violent by nature and are trying to act that way? Newsflash: Most actual gamers are getting pretty sick of the overly violent nature of modern gaming.
“MEGA MAN Comic Con Exclusive 25th Anniversary Book! GRAB ONE FOR ME!”
“Holy crap if anyone is going, pick one of these up for me! Hook me up!” I don’t think so Chris. You don’t have a fan rich or dedicated enough to get this for you. If someone can afford the luxury of going to Comic-Con International and have enough disposable income to buy a $100 dollar limited book, they’re either going to keep it, or sell it on eBay for like $300 dollars.
Oh, you want a copy Bores? Sure, that will be $500 dollars. I’m charging you extra so you don’t have money to spend on Skylanders.
“Wow this guy is in super smash bros, in a comic con exclusive…” Yes, you know what would be nice though? If he had a new game! Oh wait, I forgot, Capcom hates Mega Man now. Because Capcom execs are dicks.
“… I swear if they announce a mega man movie is in the works, I’m gonna have to run outside in my underwear just to calm down from excitement. It would be the 3rd time this week actually.” …………I’ve got nothing.
Actually, what would constitute you doing that twice? “OH MY GOD MONOPOLY IS BACK AT MCDONALDS!”
Also, why would you want a Mega Man movie? It would suck. Well, there is a Casshern movie. That’s close enough.
“If you are going to Comic con and get one without grabbing me one, You’re gonna regret it mister!” Wow, threatening your fans. And you wonder why nobody likes you.
Wait a second, you’re begging for an item by reaching out to the internet. Wouldn’t that constitute e-begging? Oh I see, so it’s not okay for James or other people to do it, but it’s perfectly fine for you. They say hypocrisy is not healthy.
Other stories:
“TRON 3 Movie -- It’s in the works!”
“Super Mario Bros Wedding Cake -- EPIC!”
Stories from July 15th 2013
So he’s not going to update on weekends? That’s dumb. You’re not an actual news site, you’re a blog. You can update whenever you want.
“Nintendo 3DS owners -- 4 New StreetPass Games!”
Oh yeah, this update was awesome. It also happened on Friday. Unless you live in Europe or Japan, then it happened last month. No mention of how North America got it late.
He lists the four games, then the prices.
“How will you get the money to buy these? hey that’s up to you. Lie, steal, cheat, go against man code, hey I’m not judging”. … Or people can get a job? Or use the money they already have from a job? It’s only $15 dollars for the bundle, it’s not like that $100 dollar Mega Man book you’re e-begging for. Also, man code?
He also mentions the four new puzzles in Puzzle Swap.
“Well damn it. I was 3 pieces away from completing that entire game. With this new update, I’ll probably have to collect over 100 more to complete the game! SON OF A BI***! *throws 3DS into the blender*” Okay look, I know you’re the “Irate Gamer”, but the violent acts in these news stories make you sound like an anti-social moron that doesn’t understand people. You’re acting like a terrible crime drama’s depiction of a gamer.
Man, he’s going to be even more pissed next month when NoA releases the Mario & Luigi Dream Team puzzle (Europe and Japan already got it).
“Super Smash Bros Wii-U -- Character Reveal -- Captain Olimar”
“As you would guess, Nintendo is milking these character reveals for everything they got…” You need to look up the definition of “milking”. Revealing a few screenshots of a new Smash Bros character is not milking, it wasn’t even a major deal because Pikmin & Olimar were in the last game. Really it’s only a big deal if it’s a new character, or someone from Melee returns.
“Of course it does seem highly suspicious that this reveal coincides with the release of the Pikmin 3 game being released in August.” It’s not suspicious at all. It actually makes perfect sense. Cross-promotion is advertising 101. Quit acting like there’s a conspiracy.
“Well time to be like the government and spend millions of dollars just to figure out this question while I could’ve just fond out the real answer by emailing my Nintendo rep” … What? Ignoring the terrible political slam, even if you did have a Nintendo rep (which you clearly don’t), he wouldn’t know anything. He doesn’t run the new Dojo.
“2013 SDCC Exclusive -- Golden Pac-Man Avi Arad’s Limited Edition Figure”
There’s one line that stood out. This Pac-Man figurine has a long tongue, prompting Bores to say this.
“Other than putting that to good use with the ladies…” Okay seriously, what’s with the perverted Pac-Man jokes? First it’s the “sequel” to the first-person Pac-Man where we watch him have sex with Ms. Pac-Man, now it’s a joke about having a long tongue. This is all kinds of disturbing.
“Nintendo Famicom turns 30 years old today”
Oh hey, news that isn’t days late. I guess we can thank Scottie E. for that tip (going by the bottom of the article).
“Something that will probably be in History of Video games part 43 or something. lol” Oh please, like you’ll ever get that far. Also, wasn’t SNES meant be Part 40 or something? You have no idea what you’re doing do you? That seems to be a common theme.
“Happy Birthday Famicom! Thanks for making me feel so old you piece of ****!” Why are you censoring yourself? If you’re trying to look “professional”, you failed that days ago. Also, why is the censoring inconsistent? You only partially censored “bitch” up in the Streetpass article, while here you completely censor “shit”. I’d ask if he proofread this, but the insane number of typos and spelling errors tells me already.
“Super Mario Bros Still Life -- Power Up Flowers, Mushrooms, Shells & More”
Another “check out dis cool picture” post. Doesn’t seem to have much wrong until…
He thanks someone named Gary for the tip and… oooh boy.
“Hopefully he can also steal this thing for me from the artist’s house while she’s not home shopping. This would look great above my Mario pipe shaped urinal.” Woooow. You’re a sociopath Bores. This isn’t even funny, it’s just horrible.
Why would you assume that Gary knows the artist? He may have just stumbled upon, or was a fan of her work and yours and showed it to you.
Also, “not home shopping”, there are many reasons someone can leave the house. Work, school, appointments, gym, events, movies, concerts, etc. Why did your mind immediately go to shopping? Because she’s a woman? More and more evidence that Chris is a sexist pig.
Seriously, Chris is starting to really resemble Ethan from Ctrl-Alt-Del. Who keep in mind is a self-insert of Tim Buckley. They attempt to sound like “hardcore gamers” by acting like socially retarded morons that make everything about video games, no matter what. They both even have robot sidekicks in their universes! The difference is that ROB isn’t a rip-off of Bender.
“2103 SDCC Comic Con News -- LEGO Exclusive Figures”
Bores has news from 90 years in the future?! He’s a better journalist than I thought.
This post is about exclusive Comic-Con LEGO mini-figs that a lucky con-goer can win.
I’m also bringing this article up because he uses the term “happy ass” but spells it “a$$”. In the Pac-Man figure article mentioned earlier, he uses “happy ass” but spells it normally. Pick something and fucking stick with it!
Oh and he hates Spider-Woman, commenting that nobody wants her and that if he won her in the contest, he’d be “hella pissed off”. Do you just hate super-heroines? You hate Storm, you hate She-Hulk, and now you hate Spider-Woman. This better not be more of your sexism.
“DUCKTALES Remastered -- Release Dates Confirmed”
Hooray, more old news! This one from last Thursday.
I love how he says the PR people at Capcom gave the news to him, like it wasn’t widely available for days.
He also threatens to beat up anyone that spoils the ending. Charming.
Ending on an “angreh” picture of him in front of the DuckTales box at E3.
Other stories:
“New Batch of Injustice: Gods Among Us DLC -- Martian Manhunter, John Stewart”
Stories from July 16th 2013
“2013 SDCC -- Wizards of the Coast Magic Exclusive Planeswalkers Cards (5)”
Why are you reporting on Comic Con exclusives? You’re not going.
*reads through* Oh, is this your way of telling your fans that might be going to give him stuff? There’s a pretty blatant plea in there.
He also claims he has PR rep at Wizards of the Coast. NO YOU DON’T! Quit claiming you have connections. Because you don’t!
“Angry Birds: Star Wars II -- Now it’s Skylanderish!”
Of course it is… and of course he brings it up.
He notes that he wants his upcoming game to have something like that. Until I see some god damn footage, your game isn’t real.
“Capcom Job Layoffs?!”
Aw yeah smell dat old news. Smells like turtle brains.
“Could this be a sign they are in financial trouble?” Yes! All their big titles failed too meet their expectations! Street Fighter X Tekken bombed, Resident Evil 6 bombed, DmC: Devil May Cry bombed AND alienated the fanbase. I’m pretty sure Lost Planet 3 will bomb as well. You can tell they’re desperate with Ultra Street Fighter IV.
“We recently saw THQ go bankrupt, Take Two games passed on buying booth space at E3 which sounds off the alarm bells…” First off, it’s Take-Two Interactive, not Take-Two Games. Second, this is the company in charge of Bioshock and Grand Theft Auto. They are not in trouble. They just chose not to be at E3 this year, that’s it.
“… Konami had a terrible line up at E3, and now Camcom?” Give up on Konami. They’re nothing more than MGS and that awful Castlevania reboot now. Also, PROOFREAD YOUR SHIT!
He then claims the person behind Capcom’s troubles is … Dr. Wiley. You’re still not funny, and you spelled Dr. Wily wrong. Twice. Uggggh.
“Skylanders Monopoly -- Now Corners the Board Game Market”
I’d say I’m surprised, but there’s a Monopoly board for everything. As seen here: http://www.oddee.com/item_97891.aspx And that’s just the beginning.
“Well Skylanders is not stopping with just video games, figures, carrying cases, pillows, bedsheets, McDonald Toys, and stuffed animals,” Yes, more crap you can spend your YouTube money on. And it’s creepy too since you don’t have kids
Also, the tip was sent in by a Scottie S. Do people named Scott or Scottie just like Bores? Weird.
Other stories:
X-Men Days of Future Past -- Story Revealed, Be Prepared…
Wow… that was only three days of news. How do you screw up something this simple? Awful jokes ranging from disturbing to disgusting, misinformation everywhere, e-begging, and somehow this is what he thinks people want? This has definitely shown an uglier side of Bores, and all the typos and grammar mistakes are so similar to “Linda” that the evidence they’re the same continues to pile up.
I will do this again. Hopefully the initial shock has worn off by then.
Tuesday, July 16, 2013
Wednesday, July 10, 2013
Breaking News! IG Has Launched His New Site! It Looks Horrid.
Turns out I was wrong in my last post, his new website is already here.
Now powered by Wordpress, the new IG site is Chris' latest attempt to look legit. He still fails.
The first big new thing is... news. He now reports news stories. Look out Kotaku, you have competition!
As of this posting, the latest story is about Conan O'Brien at E3 and how he missed seeing him. Shit, that Kotaku comparison was apt. This is old news.
But there's more, turns out he missed seeing Trey Parker and Matt Stone as well (he actually got their names right). I see he's making this all about him, calling himself the "king of missed guests". Nobody cares about the guests!
He did mention he saw JJ Abrams and he smacked him for blowing up Planet Vulcan in Star Trek 09. I'm sure there's some Frenchmen that would love to smack you for blowing up a certain office building. No I'm not letting that go.
Scrolling down, other news stories include a picture of a Portal cake *sighs* Seriously? Did you just discover Portal and not realize those jokes are waaaaaay past expiration date?
There's also Skylanders stories. No surprise there.
The "News" drop-down menu at the top of the page has four categories. "Video Game", "Show News" (which has nothing) "Skylanders" (ENOUGH!) and "Random Pop Culture". The last one only has links to the two IG Shorts he made. Wouldn't that be under Show News? Can't even get categories right...
The next drop-down menu is Game Reviews, listing his three video game related shows.
*clicks IG Neo* Oh, of course he doesn't list every single review. That would require effort. I don't see Sonic Generations, or the 3-in-1, or Video Game Roundup.
Also, couldn't he have picked better images? The one for Arkham City makes him look psychotic.
*clicks regular IG show* Wait a second, Season 5?! So you're telling me the last three episodes were part of a new season? Thanks for informing us asshole! You clearly have no idea what you're doing, do you?
The other... seasons are listed on separate pages with links to each episode. Turns out Season 4 is only 6 episodes, taking tips from the BBC. Also, if that was meant to be his "movie", it would have a single digit score on Rotten Tomatoes. Such a convoluted and poorly paced mess.
"Year of the Story Arc!" I think you need to check your dates. The 7-Up video came out in 2010, and the X-Men video came out in 2012 (both in October). That's a bit more than a year. Then again, this inability to grasp the concept of time would explain the long delays,.
Next on the top menu is "Game Releases", which contains a list of upcoming video game releases. Why? You're probably not going to review 90% of these games, so why .list this? You're not GameSpot or GiantBomb (R.I.P. Ryan Davis).
It's also missing a lot of titles. I don't see Shin Megami Tensei IV, Tales of Xillia, The Wonderful 101, Monolith Soft's X, Bayonetta 2, and probably some others. What's that? Those are niche titles that only a select few would care for? It's my blog, I can complain about what I want.
To be fair, he does encourage people to e-mail him titles he missed. But, I don't think he's even heard of most of these games. The Witcher III, Total War: Rome II, The Bureau: XCOM Declassified ... he even gets titles wrong. Calling Infamous Second Son "Infamous 2 Second Son". Hey moron, we already have an Infamous 2, it's called Infamous 2.
Hold on, what's that say under August? "The Irate Gamer Game". You seriously think it's coming out next month? HAHAHA, you're a fool Chris if you ever think that game is coming. You got scammed.
The next few menus are the Gallery, with links to his "posters" and fan art. Either he hasn't uploaded them or his site is shit and I can't see them.
Followed by "Submit a Tip" and "Store". How long until you think the Submit a Tip page will go down thanks to trolls?
What's this? He has a comment box now? Hahahahahahaha AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAAHAHA! Oh wait, he could just moderate them. Oh well.
And that's his new site. You still fail Chris. You will never convince people you're a gamer.
EXTRA NOTE: I am aware that this site will likely get updated as time goes on. For those reading this in the future, this was what I saw the first time I saw the redesign.
Now powered by Wordpress, the new IG site is Chris' latest attempt to look legit. He still fails.
The first big new thing is... news. He now reports news stories. Look out Kotaku, you have competition!
As of this posting, the latest story is about Conan O'Brien at E3 and how he missed seeing him. Shit, that Kotaku comparison was apt. This is old news.
But there's more, turns out he missed seeing Trey Parker and Matt Stone as well (he actually got their names right). I see he's making this all about him, calling himself the "king of missed guests". Nobody cares about the guests!
He did mention he saw JJ Abrams and he smacked him for blowing up Planet Vulcan in Star Trek 09. I'm sure there's some Frenchmen that would love to smack you for blowing up a certain office building. No I'm not letting that go.
Scrolling down, other news stories include a picture of a Portal cake *sighs* Seriously? Did you just discover Portal and not realize those jokes are waaaaaay past expiration date?
There's also Skylanders stories. No surprise there.
The "News" drop-down menu at the top of the page has four categories. "Video Game", "Show News" (which has nothing) "Skylanders" (ENOUGH!) and "Random Pop Culture". The last one only has links to the two IG Shorts he made. Wouldn't that be under Show News? Can't even get categories right...
The next drop-down menu is Game Reviews, listing his three video game related shows.
*clicks IG Neo* Oh, of course he doesn't list every single review. That would require effort. I don't see Sonic Generations, or the 3-in-1, or Video Game Roundup.
Also, couldn't he have picked better images? The one for Arkham City makes him look psychotic.
*clicks regular IG show* Wait a second, Season 5?! So you're telling me the last three episodes were part of a new season? Thanks for informing us asshole! You clearly have no idea what you're doing, do you?
The other... seasons are listed on separate pages with links to each episode. Turns out Season 4 is only 6 episodes, taking tips from the BBC. Also, if that was meant to be his "movie", it would have a single digit score on Rotten Tomatoes. Such a convoluted and poorly paced mess.
"Year of the Story Arc!" I think you need to check your dates. The 7-Up video came out in 2010, and the X-Men video came out in 2012 (both in October). That's a bit more than a year. Then again, this inability to grasp the concept of time would explain the long delays,.
Next on the top menu is "Game Releases", which contains a list of upcoming video game releases. Why? You're probably not going to review 90% of these games, so why .list this? You're not GameSpot or GiantBomb (R.I.P. Ryan Davis).
It's also missing a lot of titles. I don't see Shin Megami Tensei IV, Tales of Xillia, The Wonderful 101, Monolith Soft's X, Bayonetta 2, and probably some others. What's that? Those are niche titles that only a select few would care for? It's my blog, I can complain about what I want.
To be fair, he does encourage people to e-mail him titles he missed. But, I don't think he's even heard of most of these games. The Witcher III, Total War: Rome II, The Bureau: XCOM Declassified ... he even gets titles wrong. Calling Infamous Second Son "Infamous 2 Second Son". Hey moron, we already have an Infamous 2, it's called Infamous 2.
Hold on, what's that say under August? "The Irate Gamer Game". You seriously think it's coming out next month? HAHAHA, you're a fool Chris if you ever think that game is coming. You got scammed.
The next few menus are the Gallery, with links to his "posters" and fan art. Either he hasn't uploaded them or his site is shit and I can't see them.
Followed by "Submit a Tip" and "Store". How long until you think the Submit a Tip page will go down thanks to trolls?
What's this? He has a comment box now? Hahahahahahaha AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAAHAHA! Oh wait, he could just moderate them. Oh well.
And that's his new site. You still fail Chris. You will never convince people you're a gamer.
EXTRA NOTE: I am aware that this site will likely get updated as time goes on. For those reading this in the future, this was what I saw the first time I saw the redesign.
Updates of the Future Today!
For those waiting for the next E3 recap, cut your anticipation.
Bores wrote on Facebook that all the E3 videos are up. No Top 5 Lists this year? Good lord, this really is his laziest year.
He also mentioned he's working on a big site update. Oh goody, expect more video delays.......
I suspect Bores cut the E3 stuff short as not only was he bleeding subscribers, he was barely getting views. Even his crutch Skylanders was failing to bring in view-cash, and that's saying a lot.
Is there anything else? He uploaded his Injustice review to YouTube. You can read my recap of that here: http://irategamersucks.blogspot.com/2013/04/will-there-be-no-justice-for-injustice.html
Knowing Chris, his site redesign will be delayed in favor of posing as his mother some more. Disgusting.
Bores wrote on Facebook that all the E3 videos are up. No Top 5 Lists this year? Good lord, this really is his laziest year.
He also mentioned he's working on a big site update. Oh goody, expect more video delays.......
I suspect Bores cut the E3 stuff short as not only was he bleeding subscribers, he was barely getting views. Even his crutch Skylanders was failing to bring in view-cash, and that's saying a lot.
Is there anything else? He uploaded his Injustice review to YouTube. You can read my recap of that here: http://irategamersucks.blogspot.com/2013/04/will-there-be-no-justice-for-injustice.html
Knowing Chris, his site redesign will be delayed in favor of posing as his mother some more. Disgusting.
Saturday, July 6, 2013
E3 2013 Part 3: A Whole Lot of Nothing
Last time, in Irate Gamer’s E3 coverage.
TOO MUCH SKYLANDERS!
Chris tries his hand at simple gameplay footage and even fails that.
He inexplicably talks about a first-person shooter.
He might actually be a fan of Diablo, but I still question it.
Chris gushes over another Kinect game, even though it would be impossible to play it considering the size of his room.
And now, the continuation.
Video #20: Assassin’s Creed IV Black Flag - E3 2013 Interview Preview
June 29th 2013
Exclusive to YouTube
I don’t get why Chris is suddenly so excited for Assassin’s Creed. He’s never talked about it on the show, and his interview about ACIII last year felt like an assignment from Steve. Now he’s all “It was the second most amazing thing behind Batman!” Maybe he thinks Edward is like Batman?
*reads description* “Checking out the 4th installment!” Actually, not counting the DS/PSP/Vita games, this it the sixth Assassin’s Creed game. Brotherhood and Revelations are kind of like “2.5” and “2.75”.But I doubt he knows much about the series since this is the first title he’s shown any interest in.
Most of his questions are off of info he saw at last year’s E3 on ACIII. GotGame, if one of your journalists knows nothing about a series, don’t fucking send him to ask questions about it.
“I bet you guys did a lot of research” He mentioned this last year too… did he just copy the same questions and bullet points he had? Maybe it’s a satire on the gaming industry? How games like Assassin’s Creed and Call of Duty release annual installments with very few changes made to the overall experience? No… that’s far too smart for Bores. He was just lazy.
“I’m kind of a history buff myself” HAHAHAHAHAHA! Oh wait, you were serious.
“I can’t wait to play this game” Every time he says that about an M-rated title, there’s only a 10% chance he’s actually going to play it.
Video #21: Disney’s Infinity - E3 2013 Interview Preview Toys
June 30th 2013
Exclusive to YouTube.
I figured he would talk about this. He fucking loves Skylanders, so it wouldn’t surprise me he would look at Disney’s own version of it.
I swear, Bores never pays attention to what the reps are saying. She gets done explaining something, and he asks something that was just explained to him.
Ugh… we’re going into July people.
Video #22: Skylanders Swap Force - Iron Jaw Gulch Level - Gameplay e3 2013 (No Audio)
July 3rd 2013
Exclusive to YouTube.
If you’re wondering about the dates, he didn’t upload anything new on the 1st or 2nd. Just reuploads of the Lego Marvel Super Heroes and Diablo III videos to YouTube, both of which I covered last time.
Anyway, it’s another gameplay video. No audio again. In the description, he says we wouldn’t be able to hear it due to the all the noise. That’s no excuse for not putting music over it. Let me search Skylanders Giants OST … oh look, there’s music on YouTube. Quit being a lazy moron.
Even the fans didn’t like it, by the time I found the video it had more dislikes than likes.
The video runs at 13 minutes 41 seconds, waaaay longer than the Mario videos.
I’m not going to watch this… no reason to.
Video #23: Skylanders Swap Force - Rampant Ruins - Gameplay e3 2013 (No Audio) HD
July 4th 2013 (Happy Independence Day)
Exclusive to YouTube
Second verse, same as the first. What can I really say?
It’s past July 5th now, and he hasn’t posted anything else. I’d say he’s winding down, but I honestly have no idea. We’ll know when he posts those Top 5 lists.
Will GotGame ever learn their lesson and realize bringing him to E3 is always a bad idea?
TOO MUCH SKYLANDERS!
Chris tries his hand at simple gameplay footage and even fails that.
He inexplicably talks about a first-person shooter.
He might actually be a fan of Diablo, but I still question it.
Chris gushes over another Kinect game, even though it would be impossible to play it considering the size of his room.
And now, the continuation.
Video #20: Assassin’s Creed IV Black Flag - E3 2013 Interview Preview
June 29th 2013
Exclusive to YouTube
I don’t get why Chris is suddenly so excited for Assassin’s Creed. He’s never talked about it on the show, and his interview about ACIII last year felt like an assignment from Steve. Now he’s all “It was the second most amazing thing behind Batman!” Maybe he thinks Edward is like Batman?
*reads description* “Checking out the 4th installment!” Actually, not counting the DS/PSP/Vita games, this it the sixth Assassin’s Creed game. Brotherhood and Revelations are kind of like “2.5” and “2.75”.But I doubt he knows much about the series since this is the first title he’s shown any interest in.
Most of his questions are off of info he saw at last year’s E3 on ACIII. GotGame, if one of your journalists knows nothing about a series, don’t fucking send him to ask questions about it.
“I bet you guys did a lot of research” He mentioned this last year too… did he just copy the same questions and bullet points he had? Maybe it’s a satire on the gaming industry? How games like Assassin’s Creed and Call of Duty release annual installments with very few changes made to the overall experience? No… that’s far too smart for Bores. He was just lazy.
“I’m kind of a history buff myself” HAHAHAHAHAHA! Oh wait, you were serious.
“I can’t wait to play this game” Every time he says that about an M-rated title, there’s only a 10% chance he’s actually going to play it.
Video #21: Disney’s Infinity - E3 2013 Interview Preview Toys
June 30th 2013
Exclusive to YouTube.
I figured he would talk about this. He fucking loves Skylanders, so it wouldn’t surprise me he would look at Disney’s own version of it.
I swear, Bores never pays attention to what the reps are saying. She gets done explaining something, and he asks something that was just explained to him.
Ugh… we’re going into July people.
Video #22: Skylanders Swap Force - Iron Jaw Gulch Level - Gameplay e3 2013 (No Audio)
July 3rd 2013
Exclusive to YouTube.
If you’re wondering about the dates, he didn’t upload anything new on the 1st or 2nd. Just reuploads of the Lego Marvel Super Heroes and Diablo III videos to YouTube, both of which I covered last time.
Anyway, it’s another gameplay video. No audio again. In the description, he says we wouldn’t be able to hear it due to the all the noise. That’s no excuse for not putting music over it. Let me search Skylanders Giants OST … oh look, there’s music on YouTube. Quit being a lazy moron.
Even the fans didn’t like it, by the time I found the video it had more dislikes than likes.
The video runs at 13 minutes 41 seconds, waaaay longer than the Mario videos.
I’m not going to watch this… no reason to.
Video #23: Skylanders Swap Force - Rampant Ruins - Gameplay e3 2013 (No Audio) HD
July 4th 2013 (Happy Independence Day)
Exclusive to YouTube
Second verse, same as the first. What can I really say?
It’s past July 5th now, and he hasn’t posted anything else. I’d say he’s winding down, but I honestly have no idea. We’ll know when he posts those Top 5 lists.
Will GotGame ever learn their lesson and realize bringing him to E3 is always a bad idea?
Friday, June 28, 2013
E3 2013 Part 2: Is He Given Any Direction At All?
Last time, in Irate Gamer’s E3 coverage.
Bores gushes over Batman or things that feel like Batman.
He was incapable of understanding why people cheered at Sony’s press conference.
He was inexplicably excited for Halo and Dark Souls 2.
He brushed off Nintendo like it was nothing.
And now, the continuation.
Video #9: Skylanders Swap Force E3 2013 - Epic Interview Part 1 (Review, Preview)
June 22nd 2013
Exclusive to YouTube.
And here’s the Skylanders. No surprise there.
Epic? Pffffft.
Wait, Part 1? *checks time* 12 MINUTES?!
Hell no. I’m not watching this. It’s probably just a bunch of generic questions that amount to nothing new. No. No. No. No. No. NO!
Video #10: Skylanders Swap Force E3 2013 - Epic Interview Part 2 (Kaos’s Mom, TarClops)
June 23rd 2013
Exclusive to YouTube
Once again, no.
I will point out the grammar error in the title. If a word ends with “s”, you merely add an apostrophe by itself. Otherwise you get stuff like “Chris’s”. What’s sad is that this isn’t the first time he’s done this. In that really old “Loyal Order of Chris” video on his Y2B2006 account, there’s a sign that says “Loyal Order of Chris’s”. One would think that they would teach him the correct way considering his name ends with “s”.
I… I just don’t care anymore. The Skylanders obsession is getting tedious.
Video #11: Super Mario Wii-U 3D - E3 2013 Interview Preview.
June 24th 2013
Back to something that isn’t Skylanders.
By the way Chris, how is Mario okay but Zelda needs to be “dark and gritty”. When people say they want Zelda to be like Skyrim or Dark Souls, they’re talking about the gameplay!
I won’t be too hard on him this time since I’m kind of looking forward to this game. Though like many others, I expected a game on the scale of 64 or Galaxy, and we just got an upgraded 3D Land with cats, and the Super Mario Bros 2/US cast with their same abilities. But the Wii U is in such a bad drought right now that I’ll take it. Plus, I like cats.
Of course, Bores calls the game “Super Mario World 3D” instead of “3D World”.
“I don’t think we can fit another anagram in there!” … You have no idea what an anagram is do you?
“I like it a lot better than uh Mario Wii U” I know he’s referring to New Super Mario Bros. U but… ugh it sounds so wrong.
Bores gushes over how the game harkens back to the old school for people like him. I thought you hated Super Mario Bros. 2? You made an entire video on it, it’s the one that GOT YOU NOTICED!
He mentions they “brought back” the Fuzzies from Super Mario World. You need to play more Mario games because the Fuzzies showed up in a lot more titles. All the Paper Mario games for instance, along with recent outings like Galaxy 2 and 3D Land .
“If I got it wrong, don’t send me a bunch of e-mails” No you got it right, but you’re still going to get a bunch of angry e-mails over other things. Especially since you’re bleeding subscribers.
Slightly off-topic, but GotGame’s E3 Awards are called the “Epic Win Awards”. … Yeah, that should give you a clue about how their site is run.
Video #12: Super Mario Wii-U 3D (Level 2-1) E3 2013 Gameplay
June 25th 2013
Exclusive to YouTube
Just like Mario Kart 8, we have more footage of Bores trying out the games.
Something I forgot to mention about the Mario Kart 8 footage. Bores suuuucks at the game. Like, really sucks. He keeps crashing into walls, he uses power-ups at the wrong time, it was a train wreck.
So does Bores fare any better here? Hell no! He is utterly terrible. No idea what he’s doing, the person playing Luigi is carrying him.
By the way, no sound again. Was it that hard to add music or post-commentary? Something like this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=89VuI2nyINw
Video #13: Super Mario Wii-U 3D (Level 1-5, 4-2) E3 2013 Gameplay Interview Preview.
June 25th 2013
Exclusive to YouTube
Another silent gameplay video. The title is a lie, there’s no interview here to be found.
Also, it’s called “Super Mario 3D World”, not “Super Mario Wii U 3D”. Do some fucking fact-checking dumbass.
Video #14: Donkey Kong Country Tropical Freeze - E3 2013 Interview Preview
June 25th 2013
Here’s Donkey Kong. Wonder why he didn’t mention it in the overall recap video from before.
He opens the interview saying he felt the last game was “missing something”. Didn’t you heap piles of praise onto it? I remember your review was gushing about how it’s such an “awesome upgrade that stays true to the ca-lassics” or some buzzword-filled crap like that. Then again, you didn’t play past World 2 so…
Other than that, lazy lazy interview. In fact it’s the shortest one. Characters, power-ups, same old shit.
Video #15: Dying Light - E3 2013 Interview Preview
June 26th 2013
Huh… didn’t see that coming. A zombie first-person shooter. Especially since Bores has avoided talking about FPS games since he complains they give him motion sickness.
*reads description* “The New Zombie Game from Warner Brothers” Actually, WB is just publishing. Development is being done by Techland, whose recent titles include Call of Juarez: The Cartel (gross), Call of Juarez: Gunslinger, Dead Island and Dead Island Riptide. Oooh boy…
Why are you showing interest in Dying Light? Didn’t you say you hated Dead Island and that it also gave you motion sickness?
Oh wow, it’s shorter than the Donkey Kong video.
Yeah… whole lot of nothing. Enemies, weapons, the game itself doesn’t even sound that exciting.
I do love how the developer was promoting that not only do fight zombies, you fight humans too. Yeah, that happened in The Last of Us, and that’s a better game. I know not to “judge a book by its cover”, but Techland’s resume leaves a lot to be desired.
Video #16: Magic 2014 mtg Duels of the Planeswalkers - E3 2013 Interview Review
June 26th 2013
Exclusive to YouTube
Oh great… more Magic the Gathering. At least he spelled “duels” right this time.
*watches video* I didn’t understand a thing about that. I’ll have to consult my experts.
…
My experts couldn’t find much wrong. Just a usual boring interview. Figures.
Video #17: Marvel LEGO - E3 2013 Interview Preview
June 27th 2013
Yep, new Lego game… He never talked about Lego Lord of the Rings, did he?
Bland bland bland bland…
“You’ve done a lot of DC properties” All two of them. Lego Batman 1 and 2. Unless we’re in an alternate universe where Star Wars, Indiana Jones and Harry Potter are DC properties.
Oh that’s right, Disney owns both Marvel and Star Wars now. Hilarious.
The rep says there’s 70 characters in the game. Really? I’m reading there’s 120. Which is it?
So much blaaaaaah *reads Wiki article* Oh sweet, Agent Phil Coulson is in the game.
Video #18: Diablo 3 Multiplayer! - E3 2013 Interview Preview
June 28th 2013
I would say I’m surprised, but he’s mentioned Diablo in the past. Like when he compared it to Castlevania Portrait of Ruin. Man… he sucks at comparisons.
Bores mentions he didn’t play Diablo III on PC because of the rumors about a console version. So if he’s willing to play PC games, why doesn’t he review them?
He also brings up the multiplayer. A feature Bores will ignore if he ever reviews this game.
“I heard you don’t have to be online to play multiplayer?” Well, not everyone since there’s LAN, but considering you have no friends, you’ll need to be online.
Gauntlet comparison…
Bores claims he remembers the original Diablo port on PS1, saying the controls were clunky. Either Steve told him this… or he really did play Diablo. What is he?
Maybe Bores really did play Diablo. There are people out there that have only played World of Warcraft, or Call of Duty. But that’s the thing, they’ve only played that one game, they know they’re not hardcore gamers. So why does Bores pretend to be hardcore? Why does he pretend to be an expert? Years ago I saw SWAGshow defend that, saying “he’s not a hardcore gamer”. Then why is he pretending to be a know-it-all with that “History of Video Games” crap? By the way, it’s been over 15 months since Bores released Part 5 of that. He still expects people to take this seriously?
Anyway, last video for this post.
Video #19: Disney’s Fantasia - (music evolved for Kinect) E3 2013 Interview Preview
June 28th 2013
Exclusive to YouTube
Fucking Kinect game? Seriously Bores? You can’t use it in your room! I’ve seen the room you do your videos, it is tiny! By the way, you never did talk about Kinect Star Wars since E3 2011. What happened, did the fact that you were the only person above the age of eight to like that game scare you?
I’ll be honest, when I heard the title I thought this could have been interesting. Making Fantasia set pieces set to all kinds of classical music. Then I saw the trailer, and I heard Bruno Mars. Yeah this is going to suck… Harmonix has fallen hard.
We actually get some footage of Bores playing, and good lord this game looks awful. Hey Harmonix, remember when you tried to get people to play real guitar with the “Pro Guitar” in Rock Band 3? Now we have… fireworks.
“This game is amazing” You know nothing Bores.
Then he compares it to Guitar Hero, but says it’s not like Guitar Hero. Ow, this hurts my brain.
Bores’ ADD must love the flashy colors, because this still looks terrible.
He asks if there’s Disney characters, and the rep goes into some schlock about music and interactivity. That’s funny, I heard Mickey and Yen Sid are going to be in the game. Fuck when is Kingdom Hearts III coming?
Bores urges everyone to check it out, and we end on more footage of him playing. When will he see Kinect is just a terrible gimmick?
It’s Friday so it’s time to post this. Aaagh, how much longer do we have of this?
Bores gushes over Batman or things that feel like Batman.
He was incapable of understanding why people cheered at Sony’s press conference.
He was inexplicably excited for Halo and Dark Souls 2.
He brushed off Nintendo like it was nothing.
And now, the continuation.
Video #9: Skylanders Swap Force E3 2013 - Epic Interview Part 1 (Review, Preview)
June 22nd 2013
Exclusive to YouTube.
And here’s the Skylanders. No surprise there.
Epic? Pffffft.
Wait, Part 1? *checks time* 12 MINUTES?!
Hell no. I’m not watching this. It’s probably just a bunch of generic questions that amount to nothing new. No. No. No. No. No. NO!
Video #10: Skylanders Swap Force E3 2013 - Epic Interview Part 2 (Kaos’s Mom, TarClops)
June 23rd 2013
Exclusive to YouTube
Once again, no.
I will point out the grammar error in the title. If a word ends with “s”, you merely add an apostrophe by itself. Otherwise you get stuff like “Chris’s”. What’s sad is that this isn’t the first time he’s done this. In that really old “Loyal Order of Chris” video on his Y2B2006 account, there’s a sign that says “Loyal Order of Chris’s”. One would think that they would teach him the correct way considering his name ends with “s”.
I… I just don’t care anymore. The Skylanders obsession is getting tedious.
Video #11: Super Mario Wii-U 3D - E3 2013 Interview Preview.
June 24th 2013
Back to something that isn’t Skylanders.
By the way Chris, how is Mario okay but Zelda needs to be “dark and gritty”. When people say they want Zelda to be like Skyrim or Dark Souls, they’re talking about the gameplay!
I won’t be too hard on him this time since I’m kind of looking forward to this game. Though like many others, I expected a game on the scale of 64 or Galaxy, and we just got an upgraded 3D Land with cats, and the Super Mario Bros 2/US cast with their same abilities. But the Wii U is in such a bad drought right now that I’ll take it. Plus, I like cats.
Of course, Bores calls the game “Super Mario World 3D” instead of “3D World”.
“I don’t think we can fit another anagram in there!” … You have no idea what an anagram is do you?
“I like it a lot better than uh Mario Wii U” I know he’s referring to New Super Mario Bros. U but… ugh it sounds so wrong.
Bores gushes over how the game harkens back to the old school for people like him. I thought you hated Super Mario Bros. 2? You made an entire video on it, it’s the one that GOT YOU NOTICED!
He mentions they “brought back” the Fuzzies from Super Mario World. You need to play more Mario games because the Fuzzies showed up in a lot more titles. All the Paper Mario games for instance, along with recent outings like Galaxy 2 and 3D Land .
“If I got it wrong, don’t send me a bunch of e-mails” No you got it right, but you’re still going to get a bunch of angry e-mails over other things. Especially since you’re bleeding subscribers.
Slightly off-topic, but GotGame’s E3 Awards are called the “Epic Win Awards”. … Yeah, that should give you a clue about how their site is run.
Video #12: Super Mario Wii-U 3D (Level 2-1) E3 2013 Gameplay
June 25th 2013
Exclusive to YouTube
Just like Mario Kart 8, we have more footage of Bores trying out the games.
Something I forgot to mention about the Mario Kart 8 footage. Bores suuuucks at the game. Like, really sucks. He keeps crashing into walls, he uses power-ups at the wrong time, it was a train wreck.
So does Bores fare any better here? Hell no! He is utterly terrible. No idea what he’s doing, the person playing Luigi is carrying him.
By the way, no sound again. Was it that hard to add music or post-commentary? Something like this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=89VuI2nyINw
Video #13: Super Mario Wii-U 3D (Level 1-5, 4-2) E3 2013 Gameplay Interview Preview.
June 25th 2013
Exclusive to YouTube
Another silent gameplay video. The title is a lie, there’s no interview here to be found.
Also, it’s called “Super Mario 3D World”, not “Super Mario Wii U 3D”. Do some fucking fact-checking dumbass.
Video #14: Donkey Kong Country Tropical Freeze - E3 2013 Interview Preview
June 25th 2013
Here’s Donkey Kong. Wonder why he didn’t mention it in the overall recap video from before.
He opens the interview saying he felt the last game was “missing something”. Didn’t you heap piles of praise onto it? I remember your review was gushing about how it’s such an “awesome upgrade that stays true to the ca-lassics” or some buzzword-filled crap like that. Then again, you didn’t play past World 2 so…
Other than that, lazy lazy interview. In fact it’s the shortest one. Characters, power-ups, same old shit.
Video #15: Dying Light - E3 2013 Interview Preview
June 26th 2013
Huh… didn’t see that coming. A zombie first-person shooter. Especially since Bores has avoided talking about FPS games since he complains they give him motion sickness.
*reads description* “The New Zombie Game from Warner Brothers” Actually, WB is just publishing. Development is being done by Techland, whose recent titles include Call of Juarez: The Cartel (gross), Call of Juarez: Gunslinger, Dead Island and Dead Island Riptide. Oooh boy…
Why are you showing interest in Dying Light? Didn’t you say you hated Dead Island and that it also gave you motion sickness?
Oh wow, it’s shorter than the Donkey Kong video.
Yeah… whole lot of nothing. Enemies, weapons, the game itself doesn’t even sound that exciting.
I do love how the developer was promoting that not only do fight zombies, you fight humans too. Yeah, that happened in The Last of Us, and that’s a better game. I know not to “judge a book by its cover”, but Techland’s resume leaves a lot to be desired.
Video #16: Magic 2014 mtg Duels of the Planeswalkers - E3 2013 Interview Review
June 26th 2013
Exclusive to YouTube
Oh great… more Magic the Gathering. At least he spelled “duels” right this time.
*watches video* I didn’t understand a thing about that. I’ll have to consult my experts.
…
My experts couldn’t find much wrong. Just a usual boring interview. Figures.
Video #17: Marvel LEGO - E3 2013 Interview Preview
June 27th 2013
Yep, new Lego game… He never talked about Lego Lord of the Rings, did he?
Bland bland bland bland…
“You’ve done a lot of DC properties” All two of them. Lego Batman 1 and 2. Unless we’re in an alternate universe where Star Wars, Indiana Jones and Harry Potter are DC properties.
Oh that’s right, Disney owns both Marvel and Star Wars now. Hilarious.
The rep says there’s 70 characters in the game. Really? I’m reading there’s 120. Which is it?
So much blaaaaaah *reads Wiki article* Oh sweet, Agent Phil Coulson is in the game.
Video #18: Diablo 3 Multiplayer! - E3 2013 Interview Preview
June 28th 2013
I would say I’m surprised, but he’s mentioned Diablo in the past. Like when he compared it to Castlevania Portrait of Ruin. Man… he sucks at comparisons.
Bores mentions he didn’t play Diablo III on PC because of the rumors about a console version. So if he’s willing to play PC games, why doesn’t he review them?
He also brings up the multiplayer. A feature Bores will ignore if he ever reviews this game.
“I heard you don’t have to be online to play multiplayer?” Well, not everyone since there’s LAN, but considering you have no friends, you’ll need to be online.
Gauntlet comparison…
Bores claims he remembers the original Diablo port on PS1, saying the controls were clunky. Either Steve told him this… or he really did play Diablo. What is he?
Maybe Bores really did play Diablo. There are people out there that have only played World of Warcraft, or Call of Duty. But that’s the thing, they’ve only played that one game, they know they’re not hardcore gamers. So why does Bores pretend to be hardcore? Why does he pretend to be an expert? Years ago I saw SWAGshow defend that, saying “he’s not a hardcore gamer”. Then why is he pretending to be a know-it-all with that “History of Video Games” crap? By the way, it’s been over 15 months since Bores released Part 5 of that. He still expects people to take this seriously?
Anyway, last video for this post.
Video #19: Disney’s Fantasia - (music evolved for Kinect) E3 2013 Interview Preview
June 28th 2013
Exclusive to YouTube
Fucking Kinect game? Seriously Bores? You can’t use it in your room! I’ve seen the room you do your videos, it is tiny! By the way, you never did talk about Kinect Star Wars since E3 2011. What happened, did the fact that you were the only person above the age of eight to like that game scare you?
I’ll be honest, when I heard the title I thought this could have been interesting. Making Fantasia set pieces set to all kinds of classical music. Then I saw the trailer, and I heard Bruno Mars. Yeah this is going to suck… Harmonix has fallen hard.
We actually get some footage of Bores playing, and good lord this game looks awful. Hey Harmonix, remember when you tried to get people to play real guitar with the “Pro Guitar” in Rock Band 3? Now we have… fireworks.
“This game is amazing” You know nothing Bores.
Then he compares it to Guitar Hero, but says it’s not like Guitar Hero. Ow, this hurts my brain.
Bores’ ADD must love the flashy colors, because this still looks terrible.
He asks if there’s Disney characters, and the rep goes into some schlock about music and interactivity. That’s funny, I heard Mickey and Yen Sid are going to be in the game. Fuck when is Kingdom Hearts III coming?
Bores urges everyone to check it out, and we end on more footage of him playing. When will he see Kinect is just a terrible gimmick?
It’s Friday so it’s time to post this. Aaagh, how much longer do we have of this?
Friday, June 21, 2013
E3 2013 Part 1: Let Slip the Dogs of Console War
Servers crashing, fan boys raging, PR thrown everywhere. Yep, it’s the Electronic Entertainment Expo.
As per usual, GotGame took the little money they had and brought Chris Bores over to LA to conduct more awkward interviews asking things that anyone could figure out with common sense. All while his 10 year old fans lap that shit up.
I’ll mark the date the video was posted to GotGame or YouTube, whichever comes first. This post will go up when I see fit. Probably after 8-9 videos (maybe).
Video #1: Sony Press Conference Reaction
June 11th 2013
http://gotgame.com/2013/06/11/e3-2013-sony-press-conference-reaction/
This isn’t actually a Bores video, it’s a Steve Masters video. But Bores is in it, and I feel it’s worth talking about. They’re also joined by SWAGshow, who decided to show up this year.
When Steve introduces Bores, he yells “GAME ON” out of nowhere. Does he seriously think people associate that phrase with him? Was there really any reason to yell it out? Oooh this is going to be a long month…
As I watch the video, I realize why they keep Bores around. Steve also has no idea what he’s talking about. Claiming PS4 has backwards compatibility because they announced used games support. …That is not even close to what that is. PS4 is not backwards compatible with your old games. Well, Sony did announce plans to release old games through Gaikai, but that‘s not true backwards compatibility. You can’t grab your disc copy of Uncharted 2 and put it in your PS4 and expect to play it. No wonder Steve keeps Bores around, he probably thinks his research is accurate.
They also mention that PS4 wins because of the price. Neglecting to mention the Xbox One’s many MANY anti-consumer measures. Honestly, the only one I expect to know that is SWAG…
UPDATE: As of June 19th, Microsoft announced they will drop the used games DRM and 24 hour online requirement. Kinect is still mandatory though. I highly recommend you do not forget they tried to do this and stay vigilant.
Bores reads his thoughts from a notepad he brought with him, otherwise this stuff would go right over his head. After all, he’s not actually a gamer. I love how Steve comments PS4 won because of price, then asks Chris what he thinks, and he just looks at his notepad and repeats the exact same thing.
His most anticipated game from the conference was Arkham Origins because “Batman”. I’d be weary of that game everyone, the development is not being handled by Rocksteady Studios.
He also liked Assassin’s Creed IV because … it was cool. Even though he never played the first three. I’m not being snarky, he actually says in the video he never played the first three games.
Hold on, last year he did an E3 video on Assassin’s Creed III. Did he not consider at any point “Maybe I should play more of the games I talked about E3...”. I do remember that on Facebook, he was complaining that Ubisoft wasn’t sending him free games. How cute, he thinks he has enough cred to get free games.
So, let’s see what Chris’ first solo video is like.
Video #2: Irate Gamer Dualing (sic) Roundup Report
June 17th 2013
A week after the last video was posted. Look Chris, when you advertise your E3 coverage is going to begin on June 11th, I expect it to begin on June 11th. Not a video you happened to be in, or the other videos from your GotGame handler, your own coverage.
By the way, it’s spelled “dueling” with an E. Wow, first solo video and we’re off to a bad start.
Sounds like this will be his recap of the MS and Sony conferences and the Nintendo Direct.
We open on Bores in the Sony conference after it finished up.
He starts with “Batman O-Ridge-Ins”. Yes, that is actually how he just pronounced “Origins”. You know, I thought you ran out of surprises Bores but this… this is astonishing. He said the same thing as the last video, he’s a fan and Black Mask is “coo’”
Then he moves to the PS4, shows Tretton’s announcements (he probably doesn’t understand why this caused applause) then… sends it to second Chris that’s at the Microsoft conference? Wait what?
“We’re at the Xbox Press Conference that just got done” How? If Chris is trying to give the impression this is “live”, then the Xbox conference should have ended HOURS ago! MS did theirs first in the morning, then Sony did theirs last in the evening. You should have done Microsoft first!
He starts with Metal Gear Solid V which has “cool characters and cinematics”. Anything on how it’s open-world, or Kiefer Sutherland?
Chris comments that he wants to know more about Dark Souls II. Nooooo you don’t. You don’t want to know anything about Demon’s Souls or Dark Souls. If Resident Evil 5’s easy mode was still too hard, Dark Souls II would you turn you into a prison bitch.
He found Ryse: Son of Rome to be “very involved”. Cause Quicktime Events are the pinnacle of “involvement”. Seriously, what did he mean by that? Then he mentions Forza 5.
His pick for the “coolest thing” was the cinematic trailer for Halo (zzzzzz). “I’m not sure if this is a remastering of the very first game or what” They already did that! They released an HD remaster two years ago! I love when he says he’s up to date with gaming trends but says ignorant stuff like that. By the way, it’s clearly Halo 5 because they announced it along with Halo 6 when they announced Halo 4.
We go back to Sony Chris as he once again mentions what Tretton said along with the prices of the two consoles. Again, I’m not sure he really understands how Sony was “undercutting Microsoft”. He probably just thinks it’s a price thing, or SWAGshow said something like “Sony just owned Microsoft” and he went along with that.
He said he’s looking forward to Dark Sorcerer. Wait, the tech demo with the old man that revealed at the end to be on a movie studio? That’s not a game. It’s like the PS3 Final Fantasy VII, it was only made to show what the system is capable of.
He mentions Assassin’s Creed IV again, and then brings up Watch_Dogs which he says look cool as you’re doing “hacker things with the internet and all that jazz”. His words.
That’s it? What about Infamous Second Son, Knack, Killzone Shadow Fall, all the indie games, Elder Scrolls Online, Destiny, Kingdom Hearts III?!
Then it cuts to a third Chris over at Nintendo. Was all this necessary? You really couldn’t just film three separate videos and show them back to back? You had to edit in this stupid news anchor shtick?
“This is Chris Bores live from the Nintendo Press Conference that just wrapped up!” What press conference? Nintendo didn’t have a live press conference this year, they had a streamed video.
He jumps right to Super Smash Bros and how Mega Man is a playable character.
“We all know him from the original uh Nintendo NES console” Good lord… this is so awkward. He then mentions the other two characters (Wii Fit Trainer and Villager from Animal Crossing).
He brings up Mario Kart 8 and Pikmin 3 then… signs off. What? That’s it?! What about The Wonderful 101, Bayonetta 2, The Legend of Zelda Wind Waker HD, or Donkey Kong Country Tropical Freeze? Especially the last one since you liked DKCR so much. Unless he played past World 2 and found out how crazy hard it was.
Then it cuts back to Sony Chris again and he signs off. What a lazy recap!
Then there’s a blooper… this E3 marathon is going to suck.
Video #3: Ducktales E3 2013 Review Coverage
June 18th 2013
Makes sense, DuckTales: Remastered is cashing in on nostalgia and Bores always falls for that trap.
I also see that he still doesn’t know the difference between a “review” and a “preview”. You’ve been doing this for how long?
First interview and it’s about as generic as it usual is. Characters, voice actors, length, that was about it. Some odd questions like if the voice acting sessions were fun (which the rep obviously didn’t know because he wasn’t there) and if there’s material taken from the comic books.
At one point, the rep says there’s new content, and later in the interview, Bores asks if there’s new content. … Listen!
Video #4: E3 2013 Alice in Chains Jerry Cantrell Ubisoft Conference Rocksmith 2014
June 19th 2013
Exclusive to YouTube
This… was pointless. It’s just a recording of Jerry Cantrell’s performance at the Ubisoft conference. That’s it. You can find this exact same clip in better quality all over YouTube. Does Bores not realize that these conferences are streamed to everyone and aren’t private showings?
Video #5: Batman Arkham Origins E3 2013 Review Coverage
June 19th 2013
No surprise here.
And he still can’t pronounce “Origins” correctly. Is that an accent quirk because I have never heard that.
He mentions the ending of Arkham City but doesn’t spoil it, he probably just read what happened since he didn’t beat the game for his Neo review.
“I’m sure there will be Easter Eggs” It’s a sandbox game, no shit there will be Easter Eggs.
Yeah… run-of-the-mill generic interview. I would have asked if WB Games Montreal could handle this game considering Arkham City Armored Edition had major framerate issues and Rocksteady isn’t working on the title.
Video #6: Mario Kart 8 Wii-U E3 2013 Interview
June 20th 2013
Oh hey, he didn’t call it a review. Progress.
*reads description* “Checking out this long awaited title” Long-awaited? Since when exactly? Since the last Mario Kart? Mario Kart 7 came out a year and a half ago. Not really a long time.
“It’s been a really long time since we’ve seen a Mario Kart game for a console” Oh he meant on consoles because apparently handhelds no longer count. You should realize by now that Nintendo releases only one Mario Kart game per console. Once MK8 comes out, no more Mario Karts until the next new console/handheld (whichever comes first).
Chris comments on new power-ups and mentions the Fire Flower. That’s not new, it was in Mario Kart 7. Maybe if you bothered to play it…
The rep mentions being able to race with up to 12 people online, and Bores compliments that as a “major upgrade”. It’s not, 12 players was possible in Mario Kart Wii, and you played that game! I remember that review, it had you whining about the “lame intro” for no reason.
“I’m really Chain-Chomping at the bit for this game!” Uggggggggggggggggggggggh. Don’t encourage him Nintendo rep!
The video ends with a clip of his racer falling into water. Ha! Then it’s ruined by a staged “shocked” reaction.
Video #7: Mario Kart 8 Wii-U (3 Stages) Play through E3 2013 (no audio) IG plays Review
June 21st 2013
Exclusive to YouTube
Good lord that’s a long title.
And I see he’s back to calling things that aren’t reviews “reviews”. So much for progress. Hell, he even mentions the Mario Kart 8 interview in the description and calls it a review. Ugh.
Anywho, it’s as the title says. It’s footage of Mario Kart 8 with no audio. Pointless really if you watched E3 coverage.
Video #8: Sonic Lost World Wii-U E3 2013 Interview Preview
June 21st 2013
*reads description* “The newest Sonic Installment races back to the wii-u” Back to the Wii U? This is the first Sonic game for the system. No, Sonic & All-Stars Racing Transformed doesn’t count, that’s a racing game. This is the first official Sonic plat former a/la Sonic Colors or Generations. Had he said “races to the Wii U” I wouldn’t have called this out.
At first, it’s just the usual blaaaaah.
Then the rep spoils part of the story. Thanks asshole, it’s not like I was actually interested in Sonic meets Mario Galaxy.
Bores mentions the Deadly Six are the first new memorable villain since Knuckles in Sonic 3. What about Chaos in Sonic Adventure? He was pretty memorable. Granted, that would imply Bores has played Sonic Adventure and hasn’t made it obvious the first 3D Sonic game he played was Unleashed.
At the end, the rep mentions their three-game partnership with Nintendo and that the third game is a mystery. Bores comments “now there’s a spoiler”. How? That’s been known since Sonic Lost World was announced.
*checks calendar* Oh it’s Friday. I think I’ll post a new E3 recap every Friday until he’s done.
What will happen next? Will Bores look at a first-person shooter? Will he praise the Xbox One’s now gone DRM policies (keep in mind this content was filmed before that announcement) Will I give a fuck?
As per usual, GotGame took the little money they had and brought Chris Bores over to LA to conduct more awkward interviews asking things that anyone could figure out with common sense. All while his 10 year old fans lap that shit up.
I’ll mark the date the video was posted to GotGame or YouTube, whichever comes first. This post will go up when I see fit. Probably after 8-9 videos (maybe).
Video #1: Sony Press Conference Reaction
June 11th 2013
http://gotgame.com/2013/06/11/e3-2013-sony-press-conference-reaction/
This isn’t actually a Bores video, it’s a Steve Masters video. But Bores is in it, and I feel it’s worth talking about. They’re also joined by SWAGshow, who decided to show up this year.
When Steve introduces Bores, he yells “GAME ON” out of nowhere. Does he seriously think people associate that phrase with him? Was there really any reason to yell it out? Oooh this is going to be a long month…
As I watch the video, I realize why they keep Bores around. Steve also has no idea what he’s talking about. Claiming PS4 has backwards compatibility because they announced used games support. …That is not even close to what that is. PS4 is not backwards compatible with your old games. Well, Sony did announce plans to release old games through Gaikai, but that‘s not true backwards compatibility. You can’t grab your disc copy of Uncharted 2 and put it in your PS4 and expect to play it. No wonder Steve keeps Bores around, he probably thinks his research is accurate.
They also mention that PS4 wins because of the price. Neglecting to mention the Xbox One’s many MANY anti-consumer measures. Honestly, the only one I expect to know that is SWAG…
UPDATE: As of June 19th, Microsoft announced they will drop the used games DRM and 24 hour online requirement. Kinect is still mandatory though. I highly recommend you do not forget they tried to do this and stay vigilant.
Bores reads his thoughts from a notepad he brought with him, otherwise this stuff would go right over his head. After all, he’s not actually a gamer. I love how Steve comments PS4 won because of price, then asks Chris what he thinks, and he just looks at his notepad and repeats the exact same thing.
His most anticipated game from the conference was Arkham Origins because “Batman”. I’d be weary of that game everyone, the development is not being handled by Rocksteady Studios.
He also liked Assassin’s Creed IV because … it was cool. Even though he never played the first three. I’m not being snarky, he actually says in the video he never played the first three games.
Hold on, last year he did an E3 video on Assassin’s Creed III. Did he not consider at any point “Maybe I should play more of the games I talked about E3...”. I do remember that on Facebook, he was complaining that Ubisoft wasn’t sending him free games. How cute, he thinks he has enough cred to get free games.
So, let’s see what Chris’ first solo video is like.
Video #2: Irate Gamer Dualing (sic) Roundup Report
June 17th 2013
A week after the last video was posted. Look Chris, when you advertise your E3 coverage is going to begin on June 11th, I expect it to begin on June 11th. Not a video you happened to be in, or the other videos from your GotGame handler, your own coverage.
By the way, it’s spelled “dueling” with an E. Wow, first solo video and we’re off to a bad start.
Sounds like this will be his recap of the MS and Sony conferences and the Nintendo Direct.
We open on Bores in the Sony conference after it finished up.
He starts with “Batman O-Ridge-Ins”. Yes, that is actually how he just pronounced “Origins”. You know, I thought you ran out of surprises Bores but this… this is astonishing. He said the same thing as the last video, he’s a fan and Black Mask is “coo’”
Then he moves to the PS4, shows Tretton’s announcements (he probably doesn’t understand why this caused applause) then… sends it to second Chris that’s at the Microsoft conference? Wait what?
“We’re at the Xbox Press Conference that just got done” How? If Chris is trying to give the impression this is “live”, then the Xbox conference should have ended HOURS ago! MS did theirs first in the morning, then Sony did theirs last in the evening. You should have done Microsoft first!
He starts with Metal Gear Solid V which has “cool characters and cinematics”. Anything on how it’s open-world, or Kiefer Sutherland?
Chris comments that he wants to know more about Dark Souls II. Nooooo you don’t. You don’t want to know anything about Demon’s Souls or Dark Souls. If Resident Evil 5’s easy mode was still too hard, Dark Souls II would you turn you into a prison bitch.
He found Ryse: Son of Rome to be “very involved”. Cause Quicktime Events are the pinnacle of “involvement”. Seriously, what did he mean by that? Then he mentions Forza 5.
His pick for the “coolest thing” was the cinematic trailer for Halo (zzzzzz). “I’m not sure if this is a remastering of the very first game or what” They already did that! They released an HD remaster two years ago! I love when he says he’s up to date with gaming trends but says ignorant stuff like that. By the way, it’s clearly Halo 5 because they announced it along with Halo 6 when they announced Halo 4.
We go back to Sony Chris as he once again mentions what Tretton said along with the prices of the two consoles. Again, I’m not sure he really understands how Sony was “undercutting Microsoft”. He probably just thinks it’s a price thing, or SWAGshow said something like “Sony just owned Microsoft” and he went along with that.
He said he’s looking forward to Dark Sorcerer. Wait, the tech demo with the old man that revealed at the end to be on a movie studio? That’s not a game. It’s like the PS3 Final Fantasy VII, it was only made to show what the system is capable of.
He mentions Assassin’s Creed IV again, and then brings up Watch_Dogs which he says look cool as you’re doing “hacker things with the internet and all that jazz”. His words.
That’s it? What about Infamous Second Son, Knack, Killzone Shadow Fall, all the indie games, Elder Scrolls Online, Destiny, Kingdom Hearts III?!
Then it cuts to a third Chris over at Nintendo. Was all this necessary? You really couldn’t just film three separate videos and show them back to back? You had to edit in this stupid news anchor shtick?
“This is Chris Bores live from the Nintendo Press Conference that just wrapped up!” What press conference? Nintendo didn’t have a live press conference this year, they had a streamed video.
He jumps right to Super Smash Bros and how Mega Man is a playable character.
“We all know him from the original uh Nintendo NES console” Good lord… this is so awkward. He then mentions the other two characters (Wii Fit Trainer and Villager from Animal Crossing).
He brings up Mario Kart 8 and Pikmin 3 then… signs off. What? That’s it?! What about The Wonderful 101, Bayonetta 2, The Legend of Zelda Wind Waker HD, or Donkey Kong Country Tropical Freeze? Especially the last one since you liked DKCR so much. Unless he played past World 2 and found out how crazy hard it was.
Then it cuts back to Sony Chris again and he signs off. What a lazy recap!
Then there’s a blooper… this E3 marathon is going to suck.
Video #3: Ducktales E3 2013 Review Coverage
June 18th 2013
Makes sense, DuckTales: Remastered is cashing in on nostalgia and Bores always falls for that trap.
I also see that he still doesn’t know the difference between a “review” and a “preview”. You’ve been doing this for how long?
First interview and it’s about as generic as it usual is. Characters, voice actors, length, that was about it. Some odd questions like if the voice acting sessions were fun (which the rep obviously didn’t know because he wasn’t there) and if there’s material taken from the comic books.
At one point, the rep says there’s new content, and later in the interview, Bores asks if there’s new content. … Listen!
Video #4: E3 2013 Alice in Chains Jerry Cantrell Ubisoft Conference Rocksmith 2014
June 19th 2013
Exclusive to YouTube
This… was pointless. It’s just a recording of Jerry Cantrell’s performance at the Ubisoft conference. That’s it. You can find this exact same clip in better quality all over YouTube. Does Bores not realize that these conferences are streamed to everyone and aren’t private showings?
Video #5: Batman Arkham Origins E3 2013 Review Coverage
June 19th 2013
No surprise here.
And he still can’t pronounce “Origins” correctly. Is that an accent quirk because I have never heard that.
He mentions the ending of Arkham City but doesn’t spoil it, he probably just read what happened since he didn’t beat the game for his Neo review.
“I’m sure there will be Easter Eggs” It’s a sandbox game, no shit there will be Easter Eggs.
Yeah… run-of-the-mill generic interview. I would have asked if WB Games Montreal could handle this game considering Arkham City Armored Edition had major framerate issues and Rocksteady isn’t working on the title.
Video #6: Mario Kart 8 Wii-U E3 2013 Interview
June 20th 2013
Oh hey, he didn’t call it a review. Progress.
*reads description* “Checking out this long awaited title” Long-awaited? Since when exactly? Since the last Mario Kart? Mario Kart 7 came out a year and a half ago. Not really a long time.
“It’s been a really long time since we’ve seen a Mario Kart game for a console” Oh he meant on consoles because apparently handhelds no longer count. You should realize by now that Nintendo releases only one Mario Kart game per console. Once MK8 comes out, no more Mario Karts until the next new console/handheld (whichever comes first).
Chris comments on new power-ups and mentions the Fire Flower. That’s not new, it was in Mario Kart 7. Maybe if you bothered to play it…
The rep mentions being able to race with up to 12 people online, and Bores compliments that as a “major upgrade”. It’s not, 12 players was possible in Mario Kart Wii, and you played that game! I remember that review, it had you whining about the “lame intro” for no reason.
“I’m really Chain-Chomping at the bit for this game!” Uggggggggggggggggggggggh. Don’t encourage him Nintendo rep!
The video ends with a clip of his racer falling into water. Ha! Then it’s ruined by a staged “shocked” reaction.
Video #7: Mario Kart 8 Wii-U (3 Stages) Play through E3 2013 (no audio) IG plays Review
June 21st 2013
Exclusive to YouTube
Good lord that’s a long title.
And I see he’s back to calling things that aren’t reviews “reviews”. So much for progress. Hell, he even mentions the Mario Kart 8 interview in the description and calls it a review. Ugh.
Anywho, it’s as the title says. It’s footage of Mario Kart 8 with no audio. Pointless really if you watched E3 coverage.
Video #8: Sonic Lost World Wii-U E3 2013 Interview Preview
June 21st 2013
*reads description* “The newest Sonic Installment races back to the wii-u” Back to the Wii U? This is the first Sonic game for the system. No, Sonic & All-Stars Racing Transformed doesn’t count, that’s a racing game. This is the first official Sonic plat former a/la Sonic Colors or Generations. Had he said “races to the Wii U” I wouldn’t have called this out.
At first, it’s just the usual blaaaaah.
Then the rep spoils part of the story. Thanks asshole, it’s not like I was actually interested in Sonic meets Mario Galaxy.
Bores mentions the Deadly Six are the first new memorable villain since Knuckles in Sonic 3. What about Chaos in Sonic Adventure? He was pretty memorable. Granted, that would imply Bores has played Sonic Adventure and hasn’t made it obvious the first 3D Sonic game he played was Unleashed.
At the end, the rep mentions their three-game partnership with Nintendo and that the third game is a mystery. Bores comments “now there’s a spoiler”. How? That’s been known since Sonic Lost World was announced.
*checks calendar* Oh it’s Friday. I think I’ll post a new E3 recap every Friday until he’s done.
What will happen next? Will Bores look at a first-person shooter? Will he praise the Xbox One’s now gone DRM policies (keep in mind this content was filmed before that announcement) Will I give a fuck?
Wednesday, June 5, 2013
Reminder: E3 starts on June 10th
It's almost that time again. Where everything about the next year or two in gaming is revealed.
This year is going to be special as it's new console time. With Microsoft manage to win back the people after a disastrous reveal and the information that followed? Will Sony show what the PS4 is truly capable of? Will Nintendo finally give people a reason to buy Wii U, while reimbursing current owners with an Ambassador program similar to the 3DS? We'll just have to wait and see.
The chaos begins next Monday at 12 PM Eastern, 9 AM Pacific with Microsoft's conference. If the last two years are anything to go by, it's going to be a Kinect-tinted trainwreck.
Of course, Bores is going because GotGame is run by morons that won't pay for the actual talent to go. Aqualung? ReviewTechUSA? Yuriofwind? Give these people a chance and leave Bores in the dust.
I predict his videos will start going up the Monday after the event ends (June 17th), which at this point would be pointless since everything he'll cover will have been on the internet for days.
That's it for now. If your tolerance of console fanboys is low, avoid the internet next week.
This year is going to be special as it's new console time. With Microsoft manage to win back the people after a disastrous reveal and the information that followed? Will Sony show what the PS4 is truly capable of? Will Nintendo finally give people a reason to buy Wii U, while reimbursing current owners with an Ambassador program similar to the 3DS? We'll just have to wait and see.
The chaos begins next Monday at 12 PM Eastern, 9 AM Pacific with Microsoft's conference. If the last two years are anything to go by, it's going to be a Kinect-tinted trainwreck.
Of course, Bores is going because GotGame is run by morons that won't pay for the actual talent to go. Aqualung? ReviewTechUSA? Yuriofwind? Give these people a chance and leave Bores in the dust.
I predict his videos will start going up the Monday after the event ends (June 17th), which at this point would be pointless since everything he'll cover will have been on the internet for days.
That's it for now. If your tolerance of console fanboys is low, avoid the internet next week.
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