The Slow Trudge Through History Reaches An Obscure Sequel

Last week saw more stupid Skylanders, and Bores re-reviewing a game that didn’t need it in the first place. Apparently, “Linda” lost her mind when people pointed out that fact, and the fact he said “female girls”. Jeez Chris, just defend your dumb choices yourself, don’t use your mommy mask.
This week has quite a bit of stuff so this will be a long one.

Monday’s video was an update. Saying that the next History of Video Games will be out on “Wednesday or Thursday”. Spoiler alert, it came out Friday.
He also says that Summer is coming up and his girlfriend’s kids are out of school so there will likely be a new schedule of Tuesday and Friday. Yeah that three-days schedule didn’t last... I really hope he doesn’t include her kids in the videos, I don’t need extra levels of annoying.

Wednesday’s video was a review of a board game. Yep he’s doing that now.
I’m going to be honest, I barely watched it. I tried, but my god was it immensely boring. It also didn’t help that I don’t know anything about tabletop RPG games.
It’s a “review” of a 12 Realms by MAGE Factory. They (supposedly) sent him the game so he could promote their Kickstarter. Which he mentions in the description and video. Hold on Chris! What happened to “Kickstarter is only good for educational purposes”? I guess standards just go away once free shit is involved. Keep up that hypocrisy!
The only other thing I noticed in the bit I watched is the table he used was really wobbly and distracting. Did you get that table for five bucks at a garage sale?

My informant told me that other reviews of the game paint a pretty negative light. So it sounds like it’s not a good game either way.

We got a bonus Thursday video! Chris bragging that he managed to get the Marth and Ike amiibo from GameStop. He recorded the video in his car. I guess we can add “car videos” to the list of bandwagons he’s jumped on now. What next? He’ll finally figure out PC gaming and play Goat Simulator or Five Nights at Freddy’s?
You know, that annoys me. He has Marth and Ike, and I GUARANTEE that he has never touched a Fire Emblem game. Here I am, I don’t have either, but I bought Path of Radiance, I bought Radiant Dawn, I bought Awakening, hell I even bought Shadow Dragon and that game sucks! Nintendo, do a better job at restocking. Don’t send out two per store, then a few days later inform the public about it. Yeah, apparently these restocks went out earlier in the week, and Nintendo just informed their social media users today. That includes Meta Knight, and my local Best Buy didn’t even have a CLUE what I was talking about. Though I place THAT blame on Best Buy for being incompetent which is why they are dying! … What was I doing?

And now, we’ve got Friday’s video. After three months, History of Video Games Part 8 is out. It’s 7 minutes long and is only covering the Odyssey 2. Once again, he will never finish this.

No intro

0:04 - 0:58: Atari “lost” to Midway in the Arcades, Magnavox was working on the Odyssey 2.
IG lists what’s on the Odyssey 2. Blah blah blah… He notes the cartridges have handles, prompting him to… bite down on one and pick it up with his teeth. I’d say he better not repeat that same joke with the Gamecube, but by the time he reaches that he would need dentures.
“It even comes with an adapter box!” … Okay?
“Time to plug this in with style!” … How? He just plugs it in. What sense did that make? Was it supposed to be “Digital Style” then we do a Digital Dancing? This is not fun.
Then electricity comes from it. Well, fake electricity that he added.

0:59 - 1:18: His TV turns on and oh jeez he’s doing this crap again. It’s the HAL 9000. Granted, I figured he would be back since Bores is that uncreative.
Thankfully it’s short as IG “realizes” that the Odyssey is supposed to be on Channel 3 and he has his TV at Channel 4. With fake green text in the corner. He also claims the Odyssey 2 only works on Channel 3. Not true, both channels could work. It depends on where the signal is going.
By the way, his HAL impression has gotten worse.

1:19 - 2:03: He notes that the Odyssey 2 came with a free game that was actually three games in one. Speedway, Spin-Out, and Crypto-Logic. Though for some reason he pronounces the last one as “Cryptozoo-Logic”. Weird.
He starts on Speedway, explains the game (I swear he says “cars” like three times), gets run over a few times with fake sound effects and his terrible fake reactions. He gets tired of that and he puts on his “racing glasses” (they’re just sunglasses) and COMMENCE MONTAGE! We’re not even two minutes in! He speeds up the footage to make it look the game is going really fast while he himself is also going fast. He crashes and IG “flies” into the camera and falls over. Educational everyone!
Interesting to note though is that his Zelda poster doesn’t seem to be taped on the bottom as the wind from falling over causes it to fly up. Tsk tsk Chris, don’t you know that a secure poster is a happy poster?

2:04 - 2:30: Onto to Spin-Out, which he makes sure to mark on the cartridge with his patented Green Cir- er Rectangle of Obviousness. He briefly describes the game (it‘s another racing game), then we get a gag where he’s playing a turtle… I know that’s from a cartoon but I can’t tell which one.
EDIT: It's the turtle from Disney's Robin Hood. It's bad enough to reference that movie, but to reference such an obscure character from it? Who is that even trying to target? Thanks to you mariic2 for letting me know.

Then onto Crypto-Logic (again, pronouncing it wrong) and he claims it’s a “secret code” game and doesn’t quite understand how it works. I looked up the game and it’s like a combination of Jumble and Hangman. One player types up a secret code, and the second player has to solve it without making too many mistakes. Apparently Bores didn’t have a second player on hand to do this. Goody, more inaccurate information in this supposedly “educational” series.
He also adds some fake text saying “Access Denied” and “You Idiot”. Cut. That. Out. It’s not funny.

2:31 - 3:22: He moves onto the other launch titles. Starting out with a golf game.
He says it’s just as boring as the real thing, leading to a way too long segment where Kent Brockman (because fuck you I’m not using his actual name) and Ronnie commentate the game. Why?!
“Boy he’s going to be one irate golfer” Ugggggggh.
IG then implies the golf club looks like a dick. That’s nowhere close to his crotch, is your penis attached to your stomach Bores?

3:23 - 3:59: Next he plays “I’ve Got Your Number”, a bizarre looking math game. I looked up better gameplay footage and you need to fill in the question mark. So for the first part with “two circles = 2?”, one of the players has to grab the circle to fill in the question mark. Same with the sailboat one, one has to grab the sailboat.
He says they get more complex (not really, the one with the lines is 4 and the one with the triangles is 7). This leads to a gag where he makes an over-complicated problem. Bores, you should have researched how the game plays.

4:00 - 4:50: Next he looks at Quest for the Rings. He gets confused at the character selection screen. … Sounds like when DSP gets confused at difficulty settings. He tries to play but keeps dying (with fake “Game Over” text, stop with the fake text!). Thing is, Quest for the Rings actually came with a board game and was meant to be played with that. You can read a much more informative article about it here: http://www.hardcoregaming101.net/questfortherings/questfortherings.htm
He gives up and moves onto Keyboard Creations and sees that the “game” is just typing things on screen. Looking it up myself… yeah that’s pretty true. He wonders if people back then were really impressed. Leading to Bores dressed as… a hippie I guess? I don’t know, nothing about his outfit screams late 70’s.

4:51 - 5:36: He moves onto Armored Encounter. What about Sub Chase? I see that game on the cartridge as well.
It’s similar to Tank, leading him to say that many of the Odyssey 2 games are similar to Atari games.
“Blackjack” Yes, because we all know Atari created the game Blackjack. That’s just as flimsy as saying the AVGN is ripping off PewDiePie because he does Let’s Plays now.
“Speedway, Spin-Out” Aren’t those the first two Odyssey 2 games you showed us? How is that… never mind.
“Alien Invaders” Space Invaders isn’t an Atari game. You spent a chunk of the last video explaining that.
He goes over Alien Invaders, at least in how it differs from Space Invaders.
Killing all the aliens leads to restarting the game. “Not in my damn house” … Was that a reference to something? He just pulls out the cartridge afterwards…

The video ends with IG briefly mentioning other games “based on” popular games at the time. However, Magnavox couldn’t keep up and Atari “won”.

“In Part 9, Atari’s 1978 line-up” ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME? You’re dedicating an entire episode just to that?! WHY? That’s pointless! More and more he just proves to me that he is NEVER finishing this! Chris, give it up.

This was mostly boring. The gags were horrendous, did we really need that much time on your stupid newscaster character?
So much info was wrong too. He clearly didn’t bother to figure out the games or even do research. It’s like he just looks at Wikipedia and thinks that’s good enough for research. Despite his claim that “Wikipedia is inaccurate hur hur”.

But yeah, this is never getting done. Cut your losses Chris, it’s over.

Updates of the Future Today!

For those waiting for the next E3 recap, cut your anticipation.
Bores wrote on Facebook that all the E3 videos are up. No Top 5 Lists this year? Good lord, this really is his laziest year.
He also mentioned he's working on a big site update. Oh goody, expect more video delays.......

I suspect Bores cut the E3 stuff short as not only was he bleeding subscribers, he was barely getting views. Even his crutch Skylanders was failing to bring in view-cash, and that's saying a lot.

Is there anything else? He uploaded his Injustice review to YouTube. You can read my recap of that here: http://irategamersucks.blogspot.com/2013/04/will-there-be-no-justice-for-injustice.html

Knowing Chris, his site redesign will be delayed in favor of posing as his mother some more. Disgusting.

Reminder: E3 starts on June 10th

It's almost that time again. Where everything about the next year or two in gaming is revealed.
This year is going to be special as it's new console time. With Microsoft manage to win back the people after a disastrous reveal and the information that followed? Will Sony show what the PS4 is truly capable of? Will Nintendo finally give people a reason to buy Wii U, while reimbursing current owners with an Ambassador program similar to the 3DS? We'll just have to wait and see.

The chaos begins next Monday at 12 PM Eastern, 9 AM Pacific with Microsoft's conference. If the last two years are anything to go by, it's going to be a Kinect-tinted trainwreck.

Of course, Bores is going because GotGame is run by morons that won't pay for the actual talent to go. Aqualung? ReviewTechUSA? Yuriofwind? Give these people a chance and leave Bores in the dust.

I predict his videos will start going up the Monday after the event ends (June 17th), which at this point would be pointless since everything he'll cover will have been on the internet for days.

That's it for now. If your tolerance of console fanboys is low, avoid the internet next week.

Waiting for a Bus

So... anything yet? Doesn't look like it. Can't he just admit that he has a non-YouTube job or something? Then we wouldn't be so hard on his poor schedule. But no, this is what he claims is his job. In the real world, someone that skimps on their work or puts little effort into their job usually gets fired.

There's gotta be something. *checks GotGame* Oh... he did another E3 floor plan map thing. NOBODY CARES!
We get it, you're going to E3 again because GotGame desperately needs traffic. You're lucky that GotGame is run by morons that haven't fired you years ago for crap like Video Game Roundup or the 3-in-1.

By the way, THIS is how you do a Kickstarter parody: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ms8A7aTYrTc

Zzzzzzzzzzzz- huh wha? Anything yet? Nope..

Once again, we've gone a long period where Bores hasn't uploaded anything. It's been almost three weeks since that Uncle O'Grimacy video.

I know a lot of people are wondering about the Redux Recaps. I have had zero motivation to do them. Even with the long gaps of nothing, I just find myself doing other things.

According to my Facebook informant, Bores mentioned he is working on a review. I get the feeling he started it from scratch a day or two after the last one, as in he hasn't even played the game.

I'm also making this post because the last one exceeded 200 comments, and things get weird when that happens.

Has Something Finally Happened?

Holy shit! He posted a new video!
*checks* It's another contest. *eye-twitch* For his poster.
*flips table* This is ridiculous...

Remember how he said 2013 would be his year? Ha! We're in March now and he's only put out 8 videos. Only two of which I'll classify as new content. No, I'm not counting his idiotic history revision.

He mentioned that the next two videos are an I Rate the 80s and a retro review. He also goes into some crap about History of Video Games taking a long time and how the games are rare and expensive. Hang on, isn't the next episode about the Atari 2600? What's exactly so rare and expensive about that? Unless he's looking for Chase the Chuck Wagon, and I'm fairly certain he will never afford a copy of that.

Here's some stuff from my Facebook informant.

A fan asked about the side content in Skylanders Giants and what he thought about it.
IG told him he "doesn't care for sidequests". You do realize that an "in-depth" review means you go into as many details as you can right? That should include side content, otherwise it sounds like you added "in-depth" to make the video sound more important than it really is, and that the title would be a big fat lie.
He also said that the sidequests in Arkham City were "meh". Did we play the same Arkham City? That game had awesome sidequests. The Mad Hatter's tea party, finding Nora Fries, finding Azrael, confronting Hush. Did you even play the entire game?
Granted, Bores is a fraud gamer that doesn't understand how sidequests can help a game. Like Jon and Arin, he just seems to rush through as quick as possible instead of taking time to enjoy it. By the way, the Grumps have gone way downhill for a while now.

A while ago, someone asked about Action 52. IG told him that "the game doesn't have enough material". BULL! SHIT! That game is nothing BUT material! It's 52 terrible games in one! How is that "not enough"? You're lying to get out of reviewing it aren't you? Because you don't have the patience to play 52 games.

There is other stuff, but I feel those were the parts worth mentioning.

Bores better keep a close eye on his Blip account. The site is planning to do a quality cleaning and multiple channels will be taken down for not meeting their guidelines. Blip hasn't made it clear what the guidelines are yet, but everyone is watching their ass to avoid elimination.

That's all for now. Pfft, year of Irate Gamer. Yeah right.

There's Still a Lack of Activity.

I'm sorry that there hasn't been any updates for a while. Again, it relates back to when Bores decides to put out a new video. He hasn't posted anything to GotGame since January, and the last two videos since the Die Hard review were another damn Skylanders video and a reupload of the last Neo review.

Really I made this post to have a clean comments section since I know some of you don't like how Blogspot forces you to load more whenever it gets over 200.

Lack of Activity Info Thing

I know it's been a while since I've done a post. Here's some things that have been happening.

Bores posted more of the History of Video Games documentary from his ... DVD. I didn't bother to cover it as I know most of it is bullshit, especially the "nice e-mails" with Ralph Baer. I know Baer hated the video Bores, quit lying.
He also started another contest for the DVD. You'd think people would realize these videos are a scam when one person has won twice. Ignorance is bliss...

Speaking of lying, here's some stuff from my Facebook informant.

A fan asked if he'll ever post Sonic Generations to YouTube. He responded "no, someone else put that together while I was at E3". Okay, who? Who put it together? The credits say you did all the work. As you can guess, it's a big fat lie. He's too much of a coward to admit his mistake, and places the blame on some person he made up while claiming he had an alibi. An alibi that FAILS because the Sonic Generations video was posted to GotGame on May 30th, and E3 2012 happened June 5th-7th. Unless he flew out long before that, I'm once again calling bullshit.
Chris, admit your mistakes. Don't give us bullshit excuses like "someone else made it" or "my early videos were parodies". If you keep piling the lies, nobody will believe the truth.

Another fan asked about the possibility of a livestream. He responded "maybe one day". Translation: Never. A livestream would require more work than he's willing to put in. It would also be a haven of trolls and haters, no amount of moderation would stop it.

A while back, a fan asked about the Chris & Scottie Road Trip. He responded (and I'm paraphrasing) "It was a special not a series". REALLY?! Is that why you made an entire website it? Is that why the description said to expect new episodes every couple of months? Again, enough with the lying. Just tell us why there was never more episodes.

It's a bottomless pit of stupidity at this point. The light is covered in ignorance, and there's no such thing as shame.
And people are saying IG is getting better? Are you crazy? Did you see that New Super Mario Bros. 2 video? What about that is better than what he used to do? Nothing! It's still lazy, it's still not funny (especially when the jokes are telegraphed from miles away) and it's still stupid. *sighs*