Ha! It’s Saturday and Chris didn’t post anything new yesterday! First week and he couldn’t even keep his promise. Chris can never commit to anything can- *gets message from informant* A Facebook update?
*reads* Apparently, he was just having YouTube issues as it took forever to upload. It’s up now. Also the post references Kirby because of his belief that “if me not reference games, people not think me gamer”, even though the random references make him sound more like a poser than anything.
So, what was the intended Friday video? An actual Irate Gamer episode. That was fast. I kind of figured after he posted that teaser video, it would be at least two weeks before he said anything about the returning episode.
After 11 months, what game has he decided to return with? DuckTales on NES. … HOLD IT!
Are you serious? DuckTales is one of the most beloved NES games of all time. It’s one of the standard counterpoints to “every licensed game is bad”. When the Remastered version from Wayforward was announced, people were overjoyed, but also fearful that they could ruin this game (which they didn’t).
Oh god, this is going to be like Contra and Aladdin all over again isn’t it?
Alright, let’s check out the “Season 5” premiere.
*takes a look at the description*
“Reviews are always filled with tons of jokes and skits.” … This is going to hurt.
Theme song: Nothing much has changed here. He still uses that same TMNT Arcade clip. He added a shot of the “team” in the Megazord, and his name is accompanied by an explosion now. For someone that hates Michael Bay… eh I’ve done this joke before.
0:17 - 1:27: IG’s justification for reviewing this game? The new show coming in two years. Or you could not review it because it’s actually a good game.
Of course he pulls the “it’s a classic that I played as a kid” card. Yeah, that didn’t save you with Contra, it’s not going to save you here.
He mentions the stages can be played in any order.
He starts on the Amazon. He lists off the enemies, and mentions how the bees can knock you off small platforms. Causing him to die already.
“This game just started and you want me to get irate already?” I’m placing this up there as one of the most forced lines he’s ever spoken. You could just feel the awkwardness hit you after he finishes it.
He runs into Launchpad who offers him a ride back to the mansion. IG complains that he’s busy trying to finish the level and calls him a clueless idiot. I really don’t understand his issue with Launchpad.
Also, he’s there to take you back in case you revisit the level after you beat it. You can do that in this game. I know you’re like DSP in that you refuse to go 100% and just scrub through games as fast as possible for money, but you’re trying to review it here. Show a bit of effort.
After leaving Launchpad, the giant boulder attacks him. He plays the Indiana Jones theme (YAY more copyrighted content that he’ll be too lazy to remove from the DVD!) and oh wow his gameplay is terrible. He just runs into the vines and doesn’t try to bounce on them. Causing the boulder to hit him. This is met with IG’s fake “AAGH” screaming while he “Winter Games” the controller to death. WHY DO YOU STILL DO THAT? Learn to press buttons properly!
1:27 - 2:57: Afterwards, he runs into the statue where he has to pay $300,000 to get out of the room. This leads to a very pointless Star Trek reference. What does Star Trek have to do with DuckTales? ……… FAMILY GUUUUUUUUUY!
His Star Trek V reference fails, leading to some pointless editing where the statue turns red and yells at him. Bores, you can easily get out of this room by pogo-ing off the native (which is in the footage) and reaching the vine above. Can you not see the vine?
But no, he returns to the hub mansion and goes back to collect the money all over again. With more terrible gameplay as he runs into every enemy, not even trying to avoid them.
He reaches the statue again, and tries to pay despite clearly not having enough money. He asked for $300,000, and IG has $274,000. Oh and surprise surprise, Bores figures out you can get out pogo-ing off the native’s head. THIS WAS A WASTE OF TIME!
Of course this means “anger” from IG as he backtracked from the beginning for nothing. You know, for someone that supposedly “played” this game as a kid, you really don’t seem to understand how it works.
This leads to a long string of bleeped cursing. It’s not funny when you regularly curse uncensored, it’s only funny when there’s minimal cursing and it comes out of nowhere. If you’re meant to be “angry” and you have to censor yourself, you’re doing it wrong.
There’s an edit where Scrooge and Dewey’s eyes widen at the cursing, then IG goes back to the statue room and “destroys” it by pogo-ing on it with editing tricks. Notice how the timer goes 331 330 331 330 331 330. Of course it dies in a fake explosion.
2:58 - 3:37: He brings up that Dewey gives a tip, that using the cane can kill the boss. He sarcastically tells off the fact that the game needs to tell people that the cane can be used as a weapon. Considering how dumb people are when they play games, this doesn’t surprise me. Remember Chris, you couldn’t figure out that you can shoot straight in Home Improvement, oh and just now you couldn’t figure out that pogo-ing off the native’s head would bypass the statue!
He defeats the Amazon boss and gets the treasure. IG calls it the sceptre from Super Mario Bros 3. First off, it looks nothing like the sceptre from Super Mario Bros 3. Second, it’s actually called the Sceptre of the Incan King.
Oh that was only to lead to a pointless joke where Scrooge falls from the level a/la Super Mario Bros 3 and lands in the king’s throne room. The sprite work is dreadful, Scrooge looks blurry edited into the completely different game. People call this quality?
3:38 - 4:52: He heads to Transylvania next.
He likes all the “trick” things like the teleporting mirrors and fake walls. He calls the mine cart wheels “trick rims” cause of how they spin. … Is this an attempt at appealing to young people? I don’t think young people even care about “rims” these days. Either way, it wasn’t funny.
It’s his favorite level because it reminds him of Castlevania, he likes the enemies, and makes a terrible “marriage” joke with the mummies having ball & chains attached to their ankles. If this was a comedy club, I’d be booing.
He runs into Webby, who tells him that Huey has been kidnapped. He notes that he already found Dewey, but then this launches into another “joke” where he lists off a bunch of fake nephews, ending on “Chop Suey”, which is just a picture of a can of La Choy chop suey (can they sue if this is on the DVD?). Uggggggggh, this is pain. WHAT IS THE JOKE IN THIS?
Not to mention, this is only the second level he visited, and he’s splicing in the fake nephews in the other three he hasn’t gone to.
And like the “Scrooge in Mario 3” scene, the fake nephews are just as blurry. Why is the sprite work so bad this time around?
He finds Huey being held hostage by a Beagle Boy, and he kills him in one shot.
“Well that was anticlimatic” CLI-MAC-TIC! There’s a “ka” sound in the middle!
He brings up that the Beagle Boy respawns and he doesn’t bother saving Huey again, calling him a “loser”. How nice.
He reaches the boss, Magica De Spell, IG calls her “Scrooge’s most infamous enemy”. I thought that was Flintheart Glomgold? You know, the rich duck that’s more of an asshole than Scrooge?
4:53 - 5:27: He heads to the African Mines next, but can’t progress because he needs the key in Transylvania. Probably should have explored the level a bit more Chris.
He finds the key and goes back, goes through a bit, finds a secret wall that he calls “something out of Super Mario Bros”. He adds text saying “Welcome to Warp Zone!” in case people didn’t get it.
He runs into Mrs. Beakley who drops health-restoring ice cream, which IG calls “making it rain”. Leading to Bores overlaying “rap sounding music” and exclaiming “Yeah baby give me those snacky cakes!” …. Urrrrgh. How much longer?
5:27 - 6:12: He notes that the African Mines level has two routes to the boss. One being a shortcut that involves pogo-ing on enemies. Well, the same is true for the Amazon level. You can actually bypass the statue entirely and find a warp right to the boss. Just saying…
It’s kind of weird how he was acting clueless before, but then brings up this shortcut like he knew all along. You can’t have it both ways Chris.
After he beats the boss, he heads to the Himalayas (with a pointless snow effect). He notes the snow effecting his pogo-ing, complains about the spiders (be patient and pogo them when they’re down, don’t run into them), and complains about Launchpad some more. Seriously, what is your issue with him? He’s just there to take you back in case you revisit this level AFTER YOU BEAT THE BOSS! This is getting redundant.
“Not scalivant all over the world with you” Is that even a word? I believe you mean “gallivant”
6:12 - 6:49: Apparently he hates Launchpad so much, he wants to “get off world”, this bad segue leading into The Moon.
He explains the objective (finding the key and the remote for Gizmoduck) but he keeps dying. Both times shown being entirely his fault. Gid gud m8.
He finally reaches the wall that Gizmoduck destroys and defeats the giant rat boss. IG doesn’t understand why the green cheese treasure has any value. Look up “The Moon is made of green cheese” to understand why this has value.
6:50 - 7:52: He reaches the end where all the treasures are stolen and he has to get them back. The final level being a revisit of Transylvania, which angers IG because they’re recycling stuff. Fine, but his next point is dumber. He complains that the final boss isn’t a recognizable character, but an original one called Dracula Duck. Why is this a problem now? The only boss in the game that’s from the show is Magica De Spell, all the others are original.
EDIT: Turns out that there's another boss from the show. The African Mines boss is the Terra-Firmie King from the episode "Earth Quack". Thank you John Pannozzi for this info. Either way, 4 out of 6 bosses are original.
By the way, he leads into his point about the final boss with a “YOU THINK THAT’S BAD?” … Yeaaaaaaaah…..
He complains that Dracula Duck takes too long to kill as he takes too long to release the bats needed to gain height to pogo his head. He showcases this by recycling the same clip. Seriously, watch the timer in the corner. It resets after it cuts away to him. Why am I thinking of Super Mario Bros. 2 all of a sudden?
The video ends with Bores defeating Dracula Duck and learning that Magica De Spell and Flintheart Glomgold were behind it all. He wins the game, and complains about the ending where Scrooge congratulates the Nephews and brings up Dewey’s tip from the Amazon again. Why does THAT of all things bother you? It really feels like he was fishing for complaints.
He says “to hell with this game” and calls for Launchpad… huh? Then the NES Launchpad sprites flies in, Bores grabs onto his rope and they leave… dumb.
Also, Launchpad calls him “Mr. McG”. Huh? I know he called Scrooge “Mr. McD”, but that’s because his name was McDuck. Why “McG?” As in McGamer? That’s stupid! Why not just Mr. B, or if you’re so dedicated to “Gamer’ being your name, Mr. G. Don’t be stupid Chris.
Oh it’s not completely over. There’s another bit where IG and Launchpad are in the clouds and IG asks where he’s taking him. … Jokes? Hello?
Good lord was that awful!
Bores has not improved in the slightest. If anything he might be worse.
The jokes made no sense at all. Everything was fucking random, or a pointless reference. Why did we need a Star Trek V reference of all things?
The review aspect might have been worse. So much god damn reaching for flaws. Who cares if Dracula Duck isn’t from the show? Any problems with the “difficulty” is all on you Chris, this game is fairly easy. The closest he has to a point is recycling Transylvania for the last level. Something that the Remastered version fixed.
At no point does he mention the music, one of the best parts of the game. How do you review DuckTales and NOT bring up the music?
This is an insult to the game, and the DuckTales franchise in general.
Can’t wait to see what stupid shit Bores has planned for Monday.
Saturday, March 14, 2015
Wednesday, March 11, 2015
So Much For Retirement! Actual "Irate Gamer" is Coming Back
I was going to wait until the end of the week to see if he would keep his promise of "New videos every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday", but the video he just posted has to be addressed.
After claiming "retirement" and "I'm done because views are bad", he's apparently bringing back the regular "Irate Gamer" show. With a teaser of Bores meditating in front of the Old Man from the first Legend of Zelda because "I'M SO RETRO", and then a montage of the awful awful "movie". All set to a slow version of his theme, which may I remind you is a piece of royalty-free music found off a now discontinued Digital Juice product.
So to everyone that believed Bores confused "retirement" with "hiatus/taking a break", you were correct all along. Once again showing that Bores has trouble with the English language.
I look forward to dissecting the stupidity, because it will be there.
Since I'm here, I might as well recap the video he posted Monday.
In case you haven't heard by now, Disney announced they will be rebooting DuckTales in 2017. Honestly, I'm okay with this. Though I do wonder if Alan Young will still even be alive by then...
Bores, being the "ace reporter" he is, posted a video about it... at least two weeks after the announcement broke. Continue the Kotaku level work Bores, it's so professional.
Anyway, Chris is excited because he was a huge fan of the original series because he was a fan of the Uncle Scrooge comics. He then holds up one and gushes on how awesome it is.
He does have one objection in that he feels the original series did not age well. WHAT? You need your eyes checked as DuckTales is one of the few 80's cartoons that still holds up. He thinks it's his age, or his love for the comics. No, you're just not a good critic.
No apparently it's because Don Rosa set his expectations too high. You know, there are fans of the original comic that also love the animated series.
He mentions how Rosa tied all these "facts" together. You mean lore right? Continuity? More improper English from Chris. Is it any surprise people thought he legitimately retired?
He picks up his copy of The Life and Times of Scrooge McDuck (which he incorrectly calls The Life and Times of Uncle Scrooge, even though the correct title is RIGHT THERE IN FRONT OF HIM) and describes how it goes through Scrooge's life. Opening the book to show us random pages that we can barely make out. Use a scanner and edit them in you moron!
"Making his fortune in the Klundike" You mean Klondike?
Wait, he does edit in pages! Why couldn't you do that earlier? Why pad out the video fumbling around the book trying to find them?!
Apparently another reason he doesn't like the cartoon now is that they replaced Donald with Launchpad or Webby. He claims he heard a "rumor" from EW.com that they want Launchpad and all these other characters to come back. That's not a rumor Chris, that's speculation. There's a difference.
He doesn't want Launchpad to come back because SOURCE MATERIAL! Too bad Chris, Launchpad was a staple of the original cartoon, he's coming back.
More gushing about Don Rosa...
He claims Scrooge was George Lucas' inspiration for Indiana Jones. Oh sure, if you ignore Doc Savage, Allan Quatermain, the serial shorts from Republic Pictures, James Bond, then yes he's totally based on Scrooge McDuck. Do your research!
The video ends with Chris saying he's excited, and begs Disney to work on the show, wanting them to contact him. Boy you are deluded. What qualifications do you think you have? "I READ THE COMICS" You and millions of other people. The Life and Times of Scrooge McDuck is one of the most critically acclaimed graphic novels of all time. You are not alone in your love of Rosa's stories! Also, I don't think they'll hire you after your "no Launchpad" comments.
I'll see what he uploads on Friday and consider if that's worth making a post about. If he goes by his new schedule as promised, expect weekly posts on Friday or Saturday. Depending on the content at least.
The stupidity returns!
After claiming "retirement" and "I'm done because views are bad", he's apparently bringing back the regular "Irate Gamer" show. With a teaser of Bores meditating in front of the Old Man from the first Legend of Zelda because "I'M SO RETRO", and then a montage of the awful awful "movie". All set to a slow version of his theme, which may I remind you is a piece of royalty-free music found off a now discontinued Digital Juice product.
So to everyone that believed Bores confused "retirement" with "hiatus/taking a break", you were correct all along. Once again showing that Bores has trouble with the English language.
I look forward to dissecting the stupidity, because it will be there.
Since I'm here, I might as well recap the video he posted Monday.
In case you haven't heard by now, Disney announced they will be rebooting DuckTales in 2017. Honestly, I'm okay with this. Though I do wonder if Alan Young will still even be alive by then...
Bores, being the "ace reporter" he is, posted a video about it... at least two weeks after the announcement broke. Continue the Kotaku level work Bores, it's so professional.
Anyway, Chris is excited because he was a huge fan of the original series because he was a fan of the Uncle Scrooge comics. He then holds up one and gushes on how awesome it is.
He does have one objection in that he feels the original series did not age well. WHAT? You need your eyes checked as DuckTales is one of the few 80's cartoons that still holds up. He thinks it's his age, or his love for the comics. No, you're just not a good critic.
No apparently it's because Don Rosa set his expectations too high. You know, there are fans of the original comic that also love the animated series.
He mentions how Rosa tied all these "facts" together. You mean lore right? Continuity? More improper English from Chris. Is it any surprise people thought he legitimately retired?
He picks up his copy of The Life and Times of Scrooge McDuck (which he incorrectly calls The Life and Times of Uncle Scrooge, even though the correct title is RIGHT THERE IN FRONT OF HIM) and describes how it goes through Scrooge's life. Opening the book to show us random pages that we can barely make out. Use a scanner and edit them in you moron!
"Making his fortune in the Klundike" You mean Klondike?
Wait, he does edit in pages! Why couldn't you do that earlier? Why pad out the video fumbling around the book trying to find them?!
Apparently another reason he doesn't like the cartoon now is that they replaced Donald with Launchpad or Webby. He claims he heard a "rumor" from EW.com that they want Launchpad and all these other characters to come back. That's not a rumor Chris, that's speculation. There's a difference.
He doesn't want Launchpad to come back because SOURCE MATERIAL! Too bad Chris, Launchpad was a staple of the original cartoon, he's coming back.
More gushing about Don Rosa...
He claims Scrooge was George Lucas' inspiration for Indiana Jones. Oh sure, if you ignore Doc Savage, Allan Quatermain, the serial shorts from Republic Pictures, James Bond, then yes he's totally based on Scrooge McDuck. Do your research!
The video ends with Chris saying he's excited, and begs Disney to work on the show, wanting them to contact him. Boy you are deluded. What qualifications do you think you have? "I READ THE COMICS" You and millions of other people. The Life and Times of Scrooge McDuck is one of the most critically acclaimed graphic novels of all time. You are not alone in your love of Rosa's stories! Also, I don't think they'll hire you after your "no Launchpad" comments.
I'll see what he uploads on Friday and consider if that's worth making a post about. If he goes by his new schedule as promised, expect weekly posts on Friday or Saturday. Depending on the content at least.
The stupidity returns!
Thursday, March 5, 2015
Bores Finally Talks: Movie and Reality Show Are Real
In what seems like a response to what I wrote on March 1st, Bores posted an update video explaining that he actually will be appearing in a horror movie and a reality show. As well as some other things.
The video opens with him basically saying that he knows the channel has barely updated, and he's been "really busy" with side projects. One of them is the stupid ghost crap. So what are the others?
He finally mentions the movie. Claiming he got a "bit part". Wait, didn't he say on Facebook that he "got the most lines"? My informant managed to find the post and here's what he said:
"Just got back from a production shoot for a Horror movie releasing in 2015. Had a blast! They must of enjoyed my acting chops because I had the most lines out of everyone there!"
Now it's a "bit part"? You're so full of shit Bores.
Anyway, the movie is called "Gore Orphanage" and it's based on an urban legend set in Ohio.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gore_Orphanage Here's the page about the legend itself.
He says he plays a paranormal investigator (ugh), and he "thinks" he's killed off in the first few minutes. You don't even remember if you're killed off? What is up with your memory problems?
But apparently this movie is a big deal as it was voted "Most Anticipated Horror Movie of 2015" by HorrorSociety.com. Call me when its Fangoria.
So what's the big reality show that he's been hyping? He's going to appear on Hardcore Pawn! ... Disgusting.
For those unaware, Hardcore Pawn is about a Detroit-based pawn shop. Where the show it's ripping off, Pawn Stars, at least attempts to be informative about the various items that shop receives, Hardcore Pawn is bottom of the barrel lowest common denominator garbage. It claims to be about "human drama" but like all reality shows, it's extremely fake.
So Bores is going to be on because... ghosts. Like I said, extremely fake.
And to make sure we know it's real, there's a picture of Bores with the shop's owner, Les Gold.
"They'll edit it down, they might make me look like an idiot" Trust me, you don't need their help to look like an idiot.
He mentions his dad and how he was sick. He believes he got better after he asked for prayers on Facebook. ... *sighs* That's not how it works Chris. I'm going to stop now to avoid any possible bloodbaths.
He then says he's going to finally focus on the channel again. He claims to have read the comments (have you?) He claims his big goal of 2014 was to finish the storyline. Which you did early in the year, what the fuck were you doing afterwards? Don't say "ghosts" because the last video was in March 2014, and you basically spent the rest of the year on your ass!
He says he has more planned... so is he going back on his "I've retired" claim? Make up your mind!
He follows that by talking about his site/blog. He claims it's hard to update it on a regular basis. WHAT? You just find random shit and write a couple sentences about it. Sometimes you don't even bother to write anything, simply copypasting an article. You're no better than Polygon... actually I think Polygon might be worse considering Kuchera and Gies.
Apparently it's so hard now, that he's asking his fans to write for him! To cover video games he doesn't know much about. Chris, you very very VERY RARELY talk about video games on your site. Are you that much of a scrub that you need other people to do the video game articles? This isn't supporting the idea that you're a gaming enthusiast at all. Can GotGame fire him over this?
The video ends, and... begging for subscribers. I'm surprised nobody has called him out on profiting off Leonard Nimoy's death besides me! There were comments, but of course they were deleted.
Someone will have to inform me when his appearance on Hardcore Pawn airs. I've seen a couple episodes and I can barely stomach it.
EDIT: In a surprisingly quick turnaround, Bores posted a new video. ... It's only 50 seconds long.
It's another stop-motion Skylanders video. A Light and Dark Skylander are arguing (just saying their element names), a third one shows up and asks if they're arguing about which type is better, only to be told they're arguing about chocolate. ... Even Nick Jr. would call these jokes lame!
The dumbest part? The "plz subscribe" segment is LONGER than the content itself. Holy fuck!
EDIT 2: According to Harrod, the Dark Skylander in the video is meant to be female, but Bores gave her a male voice. SUCH AN EXPERT! Activision must be so proud to pay him in plastic.
The video opens with him basically saying that he knows the channel has barely updated, and he's been "really busy" with side projects. One of them is the stupid ghost crap. So what are the others?
He finally mentions the movie. Claiming he got a "bit part". Wait, didn't he say on Facebook that he "got the most lines"? My informant managed to find the post and here's what he said:
"Just got back from a production shoot for a Horror movie releasing in 2015. Had a blast! They must of enjoyed my acting chops because I had the most lines out of everyone there!"
Now it's a "bit part"? You're so full of shit Bores.
Anyway, the movie is called "Gore Orphanage" and it's based on an urban legend set in Ohio.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gore_Orphanage Here's the page about the legend itself.
He says he plays a paranormal investigator (ugh), and he "thinks" he's killed off in the first few minutes. You don't even remember if you're killed off? What is up with your memory problems?
But apparently this movie is a big deal as it was voted "Most Anticipated Horror Movie of 2015" by HorrorSociety.com. Call me when its Fangoria.
So what's the big reality show that he's been hyping? He's going to appear on Hardcore Pawn! ... Disgusting.
For those unaware, Hardcore Pawn is about a Detroit-based pawn shop. Where the show it's ripping off, Pawn Stars, at least attempts to be informative about the various items that shop receives, Hardcore Pawn is bottom of the barrel lowest common denominator garbage. It claims to be about "human drama" but like all reality shows, it's extremely fake.
So Bores is going to be on because... ghosts. Like I said, extremely fake.
And to make sure we know it's real, there's a picture of Bores with the shop's owner, Les Gold.
"They'll edit it down, they might make me look like an idiot" Trust me, you don't need their help to look like an idiot.
He mentions his dad and how he was sick. He believes he got better after he asked for prayers on Facebook. ... *sighs* That's not how it works Chris. I'm going to stop now to avoid any possible bloodbaths.
He then says he's going to finally focus on the channel again. He claims to have read the comments (have you?) He claims his big goal of 2014 was to finish the storyline. Which you did early in the year, what the fuck were you doing afterwards? Don't say "ghosts" because the last video was in March 2014, and you basically spent the rest of the year on your ass!
He says he has more planned... so is he going back on his "I've retired" claim? Make up your mind!
He follows that by talking about his site/blog. He claims it's hard to update it on a regular basis. WHAT? You just find random shit and write a couple sentences about it. Sometimes you don't even bother to write anything, simply copypasting an article. You're no better than Polygon... actually I think Polygon might be worse considering Kuchera and Gies.
Apparently it's so hard now, that he's asking his fans to write for him! To cover video games he doesn't know much about. Chris, you very very VERY RARELY talk about video games on your site. Are you that much of a scrub that you need other people to do the video game articles? This isn't supporting the idea that you're a gaming enthusiast at all. Can GotGame fire him over this?
The video ends, and... begging for subscribers. I'm surprised nobody has called him out on profiting off Leonard Nimoy's death besides me! There were comments, but of course they were deleted.
Someone will have to inform me when his appearance on Hardcore Pawn airs. I've seen a couple episodes and I can barely stomach it.
EDIT: In a surprisingly quick turnaround, Bores posted a new video. ... It's only 50 seconds long.
It's another stop-motion Skylanders video. A Light and Dark Skylander are arguing (just saying their element names), a third one shows up and asks if they're arguing about which type is better, only to be told they're arguing about chocolate. ... Even Nick Jr. would call these jokes lame!
The dumbest part? The "plz subscribe" segment is LONGER than the content itself. Holy fuck!
EDIT 2: According to Harrod, the Dark Skylander in the video is meant to be female, but Bores gave her a male voice. SUCH AN EXPERT! Activision must be so proud to pay him in plastic.
Monday, March 2, 2015
New Low: Chris Profits and Promotes Himself Off a Death
On February 27th, we lost a great cultural icon and amazing actor. Leonard Nimoy entertained the world for decades and will be greatly missed. Whether you watched him on Star Trek, Fringe, or even Kingdom Hearts, he was second to none.
Today, Bores posted a tribute video to him. Talking about how he met him at E3 one year where he was promoting Yoostar 2 (which Bores doesn't even remember the name of).
But that's not what I want to talk about. At the end of the video, he adds an endslate asking for people to subscribe! Holy shit! No! No! You don't talk about someone's death, then demand subscriptions. That is fucked up! He even has the gall to go "If you like what you saw here, please subscribe for more". Wow, way to completely destroy any possible emotion you wanted to build. I was going to ignore this video, but you had to screw it up!
In fact, it gets worse.
I disabled Adblock (I always disable it for people I like, don't worry to any of the video producers that read my blog) and... there was an ad. So not only did he tell people to subscribe at the end of the video, he monetized it. He is profiting off of Nimoy's death. I'd like to hear his new "friends" defend this!
I just... this is why I do it. He always finds a new way to sink lower.
Oh and if he tries to deny it by disabling ads. Yeah, I screen-capped it.
That really is just messed up.
Today, Bores posted a tribute video to him. Talking about how he met him at E3 one year where he was promoting Yoostar 2 (which Bores doesn't even remember the name of).
But that's not what I want to talk about. At the end of the video, he adds an endslate asking for people to subscribe! Holy shit! No! No! You don't talk about someone's death, then demand subscriptions. That is fucked up! He even has the gall to go "If you like what you saw here, please subscribe for more". Wow, way to completely destroy any possible emotion you wanted to build. I was going to ignore this video, but you had to screw it up!
In fact, it gets worse.
I disabled Adblock (I always disable it for people I like, don't worry to any of the video producers that read my blog) and... there was an ad. So not only did he tell people to subscribe at the end of the video, he monetized it. He is profiting off of Nimoy's death. I'd like to hear his new "friends" defend this!
I just... this is why I do it. He always finds a new way to sink lower.
Oh and if he tries to deny it by disabling ads. Yeah, I screen-capped it.
Sunday, March 1, 2015
It's March. Where's the reality TV show appearance?
We've been pretty dry on content lately haven't we? This feels like the new norm.
Though I imagine Activision will announce this year's Skylanders soon and Bores will have "content" then. But you can tell he's desperate for Skylanders content as on his site, he talked about a Skylanders "game" he found on the back of a fucking cereal box. His two stupid passions combined.
But enough of that, let's get to the real topic.
In case you forgot, Chris announced on his site (and Facebook I think) that he was appearing on a "popular reality TV show" in January. He didn't say which one, likely due to NDA but I'm having my doubts now. When he made the announcement on his channel, the description changed it to the "January/February" time frame. So at some point in these two months, he would appear on a "popular reality TV show".
Well, it's March now, and Bores has said NOTHING about it.
What could have happened?
Scenario 1: The show aired, but Bores never said so.
This is the least likely as Bores would never forget appearing in something. Hell, he trumpeted his 3 second cameo in the Atari E.T. documentary (which he suddenly stopped bringing up for some reason... hmmm). Bores' ego wouldn't allow him to forget bringing up a TV appearance. Hell, he posted a 19 second news report that only shows him for a few seconds.
Scenario 2: Bores lied.
Bores is trying to make his dumb ghost hunting thing a big deal, so why not claim he's appearing on a reality show in the hopes of boosting his "cred"? When enough time passes and nothing happens, he'll claim there was a "falling out" and the appearance never happened. I mean, his story about the appearance felt off too, saying that what he did "shocked the entire production crew".
Scenario 3: Bores got scammed
Remember the Irate Gamer Game? How Bores paid a tiny company to work on a game for 3 years, and the final result was a poorly-made reskin of a preexisting iOS game that only lasted 3 months on the store? Bores seems to fall for scams easily if he thinks it will boost his career. Perhaps there was no reality show, and he fell for a trap. Say Bores, how about that horror movie you claim to be in?
Really these are just the negative ends of possibilities. It could just be late... but until Bores stops playing with cereal boxes and actually says something about it, all we have is speculation.
Though I imagine Activision will announce this year's Skylanders soon and Bores will have "content" then. But you can tell he's desperate for Skylanders content as on his site, he talked about a Skylanders "game" he found on the back of a fucking cereal box. His two stupid passions combined.
But enough of that, let's get to the real topic.
In case you forgot, Chris announced on his site (and Facebook I think) that he was appearing on a "popular reality TV show" in January. He didn't say which one, likely due to NDA but I'm having my doubts now. When he made the announcement on his channel, the description changed it to the "January/February" time frame. So at some point in these two months, he would appear on a "popular reality TV show".
Well, it's March now, and Bores has said NOTHING about it.
What could have happened?
Scenario 1: The show aired, but Bores never said so.
This is the least likely as Bores would never forget appearing in something. Hell, he trumpeted his 3 second cameo in the Atari E.T. documentary (which he suddenly stopped bringing up for some reason... hmmm). Bores' ego wouldn't allow him to forget bringing up a TV appearance. Hell, he posted a 19 second news report that only shows him for a few seconds.
Scenario 2: Bores lied.
Bores is trying to make his dumb ghost hunting thing a big deal, so why not claim he's appearing on a reality show in the hopes of boosting his "cred"? When enough time passes and nothing happens, he'll claim there was a "falling out" and the appearance never happened. I mean, his story about the appearance felt off too, saying that what he did "shocked the entire production crew".
Scenario 3: Bores got scammed
Remember the Irate Gamer Game? How Bores paid a tiny company to work on a game for 3 years, and the final result was a poorly-made reskin of a preexisting iOS game that only lasted 3 months on the store? Bores seems to fall for scams easily if he thinks it will boost his career. Perhaps there was no reality show, and he fell for a trap. Say Bores, how about that horror movie you claim to be in?
Really these are just the negative ends of possibilities. It could just be late... but until Bores stops playing with cereal boxes and actually says something about it, all we have is speculation.
Monday, February 9, 2015
Coin Opereated Stupidity
A new History video is already out, and it didn’t take a year and a half to do so. Instead, it’s nearly 3 months. The video itself is only 6:15 long. More assurance that he is NEVER going to reach the NES.
This episode will cover “Atari vs. Midway” and “Space Invaders” going by the title. As well as a bunch of other games going by the description.
I want to mention that throughout the entire video, there is an annoying URL watermark in the bottom right. If he really thinks people want to steal this… he is more deluded than I thought.
0:04 - 0:57: The video begins in “1978” (again, modern stock footage) and the “rut” arcades were going through. With RCA bowing out, leaving only Atari and Midway. I’d like a source on RCA leaving the market, or if they were even in the arcade market as I know of the RCA Studio II (which was discontinued in 1979).
He says the first game of the year, in January, was Midway’s “Clowns”. The only source I could find for this was a catalog dated January 1978 (seen here: http://www.ggdb.com/GameByManufacturer.aspx?c=Coin-Op&s=Arcade&m=Bally%20Midway&vid=558)
Basically, he reviews the game. One of his clowns misses and “dies”, prompting a poorly drawn ambulance to drive on screen and Bores in the back of it. Near the end of the segment his clown goes all over the place, leading to Bores to appear in the game again and get hit by the clo- ugh, not even a minute in and the annoying sketches are everywhere.
0:58 - 1:23: Next he looks at Atari’s “Avalanche”. Once again, he states the obvious about the game getting harder as it goes on (how ANYONE takes him seriously I will never get). He loses, yells, and a picture of snow falls on him because “Avalanche”. It wasn’t funny with the bananas in 2010, and it’s still not funny here.
1:24 - 2:15: Next up is Atari’s “Fire Truck”. Since it’s a co-op only game, we get a bit with two Bores. You know, this is just getting really sad now. People unfamiliar with Bores would look at this and the last video and wonder what kind of lonely weirdo he was.
Terrible banter, they lose, one tells the other to “go play in traffic”, somehow leading to the other to get hit by a fire truck “indoors”. THIS ISN’T FUNNY!
Also, no mention on the single-player version of this game? Smokey Joe?
2:16 - 2:47: The summer brought on sequels. Again, I think Bores’ source on these release dates are old arcade manuals. He really should cite these, it would add some weight.
Midway released “Sea Wolf II”, which is the same game as the first but in color. Instead of “hippie Bores” like the Pong consoles, the Arcade cabinet just explodes set to Roger Daltrey’s “Won’t Get Fooled Again” scream. Hooray, more copyrighted material that Bores legally can’t put on DVD, but he will because he is an idiot!
Atari released “Super Breakout”, which has more rows of blocks coming down the longer you play. Leading to a gag where these same blocks start falling on Bores. Is over yet?
2:48 - 3:29: Bores goes over some other games from the time. Atari’s Skydiver, Midway’s Blue Shark, and then Atari’s Orbit, a remake of Computer Space. Though, I can’t find anything that supports this, he probably just said that because the games look similar. That and he could recycle the old Spacewar gag from the first video! He even does the same scream! You’re only 7 videos in and you’re already out of material?
3:30 - 3:55: Namco enters the picture, which is the right time as this was the year they released their first Arcade game, which is Gee Bee. All Bores says about is that it’s not to be confused with the Bee Gees, with more copyrighted music!
“Video game maker Growlow” Video game maker what now? He was trying to say “Gremlin” but somehow muffled it up. This is why second takes exist.
Anyway, he brings up their game, “Frogs”. With a gag about swatting at “pompous Englishman”. This is the source of that fuzzy wig and beard picture he posted on Facebook. All dressed up for a pointless gag. Oh and his English accent is dreadful, but are you surprised?
3:56 - 5:35: Come October, Atari would release “Football”, which was popular. There’s a gag where “Coach Bores” yells at giant X’s meant to represent the X’s in the game. As Bores explains the game might be the most popular of the season, we cut to him in arcade as the camera starts shaking, different Bores and Ronnie (the fuck?) start running around, leading into Space Invaders.
Now, there’s a shot here of the Space Invaders flying over a city that actually looks decent, which makes me believe that this isn’t something Bores made. It looks like the work of someone else.
He briefly reviews the game, complains about getting harder (of course), dies, says it’s too much pressure and his head explodes. Whoever told him that his head exploding was funny, you were wrong, you were so very very very wrong. It’s just pointless and annoying.
He mentions the infamous coin shortages in Japan, then provides “fast fact” about the game being made by Taito and Midway merely licensed it. Not sure why that’s a side-note, it’s probably one of the most important factors to the game’s success. Bringing it overseas so everyone can play it.
Arcades were taking over, Space Invaders changed things, Midway is awesome blah blah blah.
Next episode is about the Odyssey 2. Oh joy, more HAL 9000 bullshit.
What was even the point of that? Those were barely reviews, and again the jokes were just painful. It really does feel like he cares more for stupid Family Guy jokes than actual history.
Seriously though, if his next video is only about the Odyssey 2 and takes at least 4-5 months to get here, he is never going to finish this. He really should just cut his losses and go back to doing want his few remaining fans want. Because I know the new influx he got only like him because “he’s not James Rolfe”.
This episode will cover “Atari vs. Midway” and “Space Invaders” going by the title. As well as a bunch of other games going by the description.
I want to mention that throughout the entire video, there is an annoying URL watermark in the bottom right. If he really thinks people want to steal this… he is more deluded than I thought.
0:04 - 0:57: The video begins in “1978” (again, modern stock footage) and the “rut” arcades were going through. With RCA bowing out, leaving only Atari and Midway. I’d like a source on RCA leaving the market, or if they were even in the arcade market as I know of the RCA Studio II (which was discontinued in 1979).
He says the first game of the year, in January, was Midway’s “Clowns”. The only source I could find for this was a catalog dated January 1978 (seen here: http://www.ggdb.com/GameByManufacturer.aspx?c=Coin-Op&s=Arcade&m=Bally%20Midway&vid=558)
Basically, he reviews the game. One of his clowns misses and “dies”, prompting a poorly drawn ambulance to drive on screen and Bores in the back of it. Near the end of the segment his clown goes all over the place, leading to Bores to appear in the game again and get hit by the clo- ugh, not even a minute in and the annoying sketches are everywhere.
0:58 - 1:23: Next he looks at Atari’s “Avalanche”. Once again, he states the obvious about the game getting harder as it goes on (how ANYONE takes him seriously I will never get). He loses, yells, and a picture of snow falls on him because “Avalanche”. It wasn’t funny with the bananas in 2010, and it’s still not funny here.
1:24 - 2:15: Next up is Atari’s “Fire Truck”. Since it’s a co-op only game, we get a bit with two Bores. You know, this is just getting really sad now. People unfamiliar with Bores would look at this and the last video and wonder what kind of lonely weirdo he was.
Terrible banter, they lose, one tells the other to “go play in traffic”, somehow leading to the other to get hit by a fire truck “indoors”. THIS ISN’T FUNNY!
Also, no mention on the single-player version of this game? Smokey Joe?
2:16 - 2:47: The summer brought on sequels. Again, I think Bores’ source on these release dates are old arcade manuals. He really should cite these, it would add some weight.
Midway released “Sea Wolf II”, which is the same game as the first but in color. Instead of “hippie Bores” like the Pong consoles, the Arcade cabinet just explodes set to Roger Daltrey’s “Won’t Get Fooled Again” scream. Hooray, more copyrighted material that Bores legally can’t put on DVD, but he will because he is an idiot!
Atari released “Super Breakout”, which has more rows of blocks coming down the longer you play. Leading to a gag where these same blocks start falling on Bores. Is over yet?
2:48 - 3:29: Bores goes over some other games from the time. Atari’s Skydiver, Midway’s Blue Shark, and then Atari’s Orbit, a remake of Computer Space. Though, I can’t find anything that supports this, he probably just said that because the games look similar. That and he could recycle the old Spacewar gag from the first video! He even does the same scream! You’re only 7 videos in and you’re already out of material?
3:30 - 3:55: Namco enters the picture, which is the right time as this was the year they released their first Arcade game, which is Gee Bee. All Bores says about is that it’s not to be confused with the Bee Gees, with more copyrighted music!
“Video game maker Growlow” Video game maker what now? He was trying to say “Gremlin” but somehow muffled it up. This is why second takes exist.
Anyway, he brings up their game, “Frogs”. With a gag about swatting at “pompous Englishman”. This is the source of that fuzzy wig and beard picture he posted on Facebook. All dressed up for a pointless gag. Oh and his English accent is dreadful, but are you surprised?
3:56 - 5:35: Come October, Atari would release “Football”, which was popular. There’s a gag where “Coach Bores” yells at giant X’s meant to represent the X’s in the game. As Bores explains the game might be the most popular of the season, we cut to him in arcade as the camera starts shaking, different Bores and Ronnie (the fuck?) start running around, leading into Space Invaders.
Now, there’s a shot here of the Space Invaders flying over a city that actually looks decent, which makes me believe that this isn’t something Bores made. It looks like the work of someone else.
He briefly reviews the game, complains about getting harder (of course), dies, says it’s too much pressure and his head explodes. Whoever told him that his head exploding was funny, you were wrong, you were so very very very wrong. It’s just pointless and annoying.
He mentions the infamous coin shortages in Japan, then provides “fast fact” about the game being made by Taito and Midway merely licensed it. Not sure why that’s a side-note, it’s probably one of the most important factors to the game’s success. Bringing it overseas so everyone can play it.
Arcades were taking over, Space Invaders changed things, Midway is awesome blah blah blah.
Next episode is about the Odyssey 2. Oh joy, more HAL 9000 bullshit.
What was even the point of that? Those were barely reviews, and again the jokes were just painful. It really does feel like he cares more for stupid Family Guy jokes than actual history.
Seriously though, if his next video is only about the Odyssey 2 and takes at least 4-5 months to get here, he is never going to finish this. He really should just cut his losses and go back to doing want his few remaining fans want. Because I know the new influx he got only like him because “he’s not James Rolfe”.
Tuesday, February 3, 2015
Status Update February 3rd 2015
My informant showed me a new picture Bores posted to one of his Facebooks. It's from the next History of Video Games. It's Bores in some game (I can't tell which one) flipping the bird at dots above him. ... Again, how is this "educational"?
He also says the video is almost finished. That could mean it could come out in the next couple days or next week. I don't know with Bores.
I bring this up because tomorrow, I'm getting surgery done and will be out of commission for a few days. So if Chris posts the video during that time, I won't be able to properly do a post about it.
That is all.
He also says the video is almost finished. That could mean it could come out in the next couple days or next week. I don't know with Bores.
I bring this up because tomorrow, I'm getting surgery done and will be out of commission for a few days. So if Chris posts the video during that time, I won't be able to properly do a post about it.
That is all.
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