Test Your Patience. Gushing Over Mortal Kombat.

And here it is, IG’s Mortal Kombat 9 review. As usual, three months after the game hit shelves. God forbid that he reviews something within a fortnight of its release. For a while I predicted he’ll gush about the game, once again forgetting his “Irate nature”. Will I have Raiden’s foresight or will I be as blind as Kenshi? Take a guess. Surprisingly, there was no video announcement, I had to learn about this one from his site. 0:08 - 0:15: “Alright Mortal Kombat fans, you’ve been asking me to review this game for weeks…” Actually, I haven’t been asking. I’ve just been assuming you would do it. Wait, “80’s fans”, “Mortal Kombat fans”. Is he trying another catchphrase? Would he review Dead Space 2 and open with “Alright Dead Space fans”. He better not say “Gamer fans” otherwise Spax3 is going to sue someone… again. 0:15 - 0:35: And he gushes about it. If you’ll excuse me I have to go win next month’s lottery. He mentions the game is “well-polished” and hard to put down. Care to tell me what that means? 0:36 - 1:22: IG starts going into the character roster, guess not. “Want to play as classics like Scorpion, Raiden, and Sub-Zero? You got ‘em. Want to play as the once hidden characters like Reptile, Noob Saibot, and Smoke? They‘re here too.” Wow, you can play as Mortal Kombat characters there were in almost every game! In fact, let me list the games that don’t have those six, playable or not. Scorpion: Didn’t appear in MK3, but appeared in Ultimate MK3. Raiden: Didn’t appear in MK3 or Ultimate MK3 but appeared in MK Trilogy. Sub-Zero: He’s been in every game. Though not as the same person (see Noob Saibot) Reptile: Didn’t appear in MK3 but appeared in Ultimate MK3. Was only a cameo in Deception. Also didn’t show up in MK vs. DC Universe. Noob Saibot: This is where things get tricky. He appeared in the first MK as Sub-Zero, but got killed by Scorpion and resurrected as Noob Saibot. The Sub-Zero from the second game was his younger brother. He wasn’t in Deadly Alliance… sort-of. He was in the GBA “sequel” Tournament Edition. He also didn’t show up in MK vs. DC Universe. Smoke: Didn’t appear in the first game, Mortal Kombat 4, Deadly Alliance, and DC Universe. Noob and Smoke were a tag team in Deception. I’m not counting the spin-offs because we’d be here all day. What I’m saying is it’s not a big deal those characters are in the game. MK9’s roster consists of characters that were already in one of the previous games. The only new ones were Cyber Sub-Zero and Skarlet (as DLC), no I’m not counting Kratos or Freddy. “Talk about nostalgia overload! There’s plenty enough here to keep old-school fans like me very happy” Is “nostalgia overload” another attempted catchphrase? “Expecting stage fatalities? Yep, they‘re back too!” They never left. They appeared in every game besides Deadly Alliance. He brings up the return of Babalities and how he wasn’t a big fan. The camera cuts to him saying “well they can’t all be winners” and it cuts back to the game. Strange, I was expecting a dumb Cousin Joey scene to happen. Crap crap crap, now that I said it, it will show up in the “special YouTube version”. 1:23 - 1:40: IG notices how the different kombatants have different fighting styles, noting Smoke using palm strikes and Reptile using grappling moves. … Begrudgingly I have to agree, it’s a nice detail. I guess this is where his “Martial Arts training” comes in, though I still doubt he can actually perform the White Crane style *cough*Predator*cough*.

EDIT: Until it turns out that Reptile and Smoke are just using their throw commands, something ALL the fighters can do. Thanks to Awesome_Allen for telling me this. 1:40 - 2:03: He brings up the different modes. Mentioning that the Challenge Tower has 100 levels. Noo, it has 300 levels. You couldn’t double-check that little detail? He also says the story mode is awesome. Yes, it’s so awesome he didn’t even beat it (his character roster lacked Quan Chi and Cyber Sub-Zero). 2:04 - 2:44: He puts down the controller to talk about the “extras” the game comes with. Aren’t you supposed to be talking about the game? Who cares what extras it came with? IG brings up that he got the special Tournament Edition (rather, that’s the version GotGame gave him) and it came with an arcade stick. He then looks over the arcade stick. GET BACK TO THE GAME! This isn’t that impressive, all the Capcom and Namco fighting games have one. We then get a shot of him looking “angry” as he plays the game. Otherwise people will forget he’s “Irate”. 2:45 - 2:56: IG brings up how the PS3 version has Kratos, but wonders why he can’t use his long-range attacks. It’s a fighting game, that would not only be cheap it would also be considered cheating. 2:56 - 3:34: He says that he hasn’t unlocked anyone because he “thinks you have to beat the story mode”. He just confessed to not beating the story mode! Holy shit! Add another video to the “he just didn’t care” pile. He does bring up the downloadable characters, once again reminding us he was at E3 this year. He brings up Freddy Kruger, and does a reaction shot of… I have no clue what that’s supposed to be. Shock? Terror? I’m going with “Derp”. He wasn’t fond of the idea, but has warmed up to it and will probably download him. Whatever the video is almost over. The video ends with IG saying it’s a fantastic game and to go get it, followed by an annoyed “Game On” and a dumb “Toasty” joke. Well that was idiotic. He didn’t beat story mode, he barely explained the fighting mechanics or gameplay, he wasted time talking about the god damn arcade stick, he didn’t even mention multiplayer, PSN is no longer down so he has no excuse, praised the dumbest things (GUYS THIS GAME HAS SUB-ZERO! THIS IS HUGE!), and overall this was just dumb. But I figured it would be, given how he drools over Mortal Kombat. I don’t think he likes it for the fighting, he only likes it because there’s blood and gore. That may have been cool in 1992 but now we have plenty of games with graphic violence, it’s not that amazing in 2011.

UPDATE: IG uploaded the trailer/update to YouTube. Yeah, it's a bad sign I can get the recap out warning people how bad it is before he can inform his subscribers it's up.

Usual stuff, tells people it's up at GotGame. Then he says "very in-depth review". Oh for the love of... This review was about as in-depth as an empty cup of pudding! How is it people don't see his rampant egotism?

He also announces the contest winners for his Star Trek posters, putting the names of the winners on screen. Enjoy your cheap posters, Irate Gamer will continue not to care about you.

He mentions more contests but needs to "sort out the details". Translation: I'm still looking for cheap crap around my house to send to you.

"More stuff coming" Yeah yeah I don't care.

So when's that DVD coming? Or is it another empty promise?

Oh Look, More Cereal. 20 Year Old TMNT Cereal.

Last month, in my RoboCop recap, I said “why does Bores bother to advertise I Rate the 80’s? He hasn’t made a new one in a year.” Well surprise surprise, an all new “Breakfast Rant 2.0”. Good lord this is going to be stupid. Well, maybe he’ll do another toy. I’m surprised that last one he did wasn’t food related. “Ninja Turtles cereal” OH GOD DAMN IT! Cereal again? What is your obsession with that stuff? I get the feeling if he had breakfast at a hotel, he’d ignore the freshly-made bacon & eggs, pancakes, omelettes, and head straight for the cold cereal. … Let’s go then. *sees description* That crazy reviewer? Well, at least he got it right. He is crazy… though not in the way he intended. Better than calling himself a “lovable gamer” at least. 0:05 - 0:20: “Welcome back 80’s fans” Ha! 80’s fans. They’re not even watching this shit. Hey Chris, most of your fans were born around 1998. We also see his “set”, a bunch of 80’s toys on his desk. “Oh man, look at all this 80’s stuff I have! This will make me cool right?” He mentions how cereal companies did “gimmick cereals” based off Saturday Morning Cartoons. Mentioning Strawberry Shortcake and… Super Mario Bros. That cereal wasn’t based off the cartoon Bores. Oh God, he has a box of it. I hope he understands that a 20 year old cereal will taste cardboard covered in slime. 0:20 - 0:47: A green screen grocery aisle. You’re making a video about cereal, is this necessary? I also love how he’s implying this is the 80’s even though the boxes of Cookie Crisp have the wolf mascot introduced three years ago. He brings up that the box he has is unopened (I doubt it will still be good) but he won’t reveal how he got it. Off eBay, don’t try to act “mysterious” when the answer is almost always eBay. Oh wait, that was to set-up a cutaway gag. … Who’s this? Some guy with a beard shows up. He’s not Scottie, or Eric “Wise Sage” Allen, or Brad “The Genie” Harp. The credits tell me nothing. So, Bores has another person willing to show up in his videos. USE HIM! Don’t play every character yourself! Especially when they’re background extras, that’s just moronic! The bearded guy won the box off eBay and tells Bores about it. He gives him the box to hold when his phone rings, Bores uses this distraction to switch it with a box of Mini-Wheats. Wow, what an asshole. I can’t even tell if he’s supposed to “in-character” here. Then again, even out-of-character he’s still a thief. Also, where’s this gag located? Well, clearly it’s in Chris’ house (TMNT figures, the scroll) but the way they bump into each other implies a different location. If so, does Bores just carry a box of Mini-Wheats around in case he finds a rare cereal? Given his cereal obsession this wouldn’t surprise me. 0:48 - 1:15: He gets to opening the box. After he does that he takes out a bowl and starts pouring it. Wait, the box was supposed to be unopened. Why is the bag inside open? He points out the cereal resembles Chex with marshmallows, though the marshmallows are brown. That should be a clue NOT to eat the cereal Chris. “Let’s check out this box” I sense padding. 1:15 - 1:33: Bores points out the Turtles on the front, and despite clearly being able to see them all, he lists off what they’re holding. He notes Raphael “bringing the tunes” and Michelangelo bringing a net. Cue record scratch and a little forced anger. You find issues with Mikey holding a net but have no qualms with Raphael holding a radio. Whatever. 1:34 - 1:51: “Now let’s move to the side of the box” I was right, padded to Hell. This video is only 2 minutes, 39 seconds and it still needed trimming. He reads off some of the ingredients. Holy shit! It’s a box of cereal! Even your little kid fans have seen a box of cereal! God! He also notices it was made by Purina, as in the dog food, and wonders if that’s why the marshmallows are brown. No, the marshmallows are brown because it’s a 20 year old cereal. Also, that’s “Ralston-Purina”. Before 1994, they made both animal food and cereal. Notably Chex and Cookie Crisp (which is why this cereal is Chex with marshmallows). 1:52 - 2:04: He moves onto the back. God damn it… He brings up how this box has trading cards related to the TMNT movie, and notes how other boxes had puzzles, contests, and “ho-lograms”. Hang on, Captain Picard is calling me. He wants me in the “ho-lodeck” to do a “ho-lographic” simulation. Jeez, Chris is acting like nobody has ever had cereal. Like cereal is some high-end food like filet mignon or caviar. This is really sad. 2:05 - 2:14: “So how do I rate this one?” Wait, you’re actually going to rate it? Wow, he actually stays honest to his title. That’s a first. He says he remembers not liking it, but the nostalgia alone rates it as “Nostalgia Overload”. I don’t get it. You didn’t like the cereal but the fact it’s Ninja Turtles is enough of an “overload”. You do realize there’s a ton of other TMNT products that can provide a “nostalgia overload”. I don’t know… The video ends with him pouring milk into the bowl. You’re not… Then he takes a bite and immediately spits it out. WELL HOW DID YOU THINK IT WAS GOING TO TASTE?! God damn it… And to add more time to the video, we get a shot of him going “bleh” to the camera. Because spitting it out wasn’t enough of an indication that you didn’t like it. Well that was a complete waste. It took him over a year to make another “I Rate the 80’s” and it’s something that could have been a minute long. And again with the green screen, it isn’t needed in something this simple! Guess I’ll wait for IG’s eventual Mortal Kombat 9 review. That will be a joke.

Next IG DVD Coming "Soon"

It's been almost four years since IG released his first DVD, a rush job released to beat the AVGN's first DVD. Did the first DVD do that well? I don't know, Bores never brought it up. He never mentioned selling out of stock, or needing to restock, or any implication that the DVD was doing well. I figured that when he did a contest to give away free copies, he was overstocked and nobody was buying. So with that assumption, I wondered "why would you even consider making another one?" News of the next DVD was sparse, Bores would sometimes mention he's "hard at work" on it but most saw it as "reassurance" to the few fans he has. A while ago, he mentioned he was working on THREE DVDs. IG volume 2 and 3, and a separate DVD for History of Video Games (making it a completely different series). Again, I thought it was more reassurance. On July 20th 2011, this updated appeared on his site. I must get at least 10 emails a week asking about the status of the dvd's. Well finally I can tell you they are coming! And not just one volume, but 2! This double dose of Volume 2 and 3 will be here in August! Been talking to some interesting people and more great news coming soon! As usual, he has to remind us "he get lotsa e-mails" to ensure he's still popular (HA!) Why release two volumes? Why not release one big volume? I have a feeling it's money-related. August huh? We'll see... What does he mean by "interesting people"? That's an extremely vague term. Is he trying to be "mysterious"? So the DVD is set for next month. I put "soon" in quotation marks because we know of IG's habit of never keeping his promises. If it does come out next month, I'll be surprised. I imagine any DVD exclusive extras will be uploaded to YouTube or other sites shortly after release. Nearly four years, good lord that's lazy. That's all I really have to say about the DVD. I can't believe he hasn't learned his lesson from his first pile of crap barely selling. On a slightly different subject, IG will never reach 100 episodes. Hell, at this rate we'd be lucky to see 50. How many episodes does he officially have? Let's see. Neo and History of Video Games don't count. Two-part episodes released the same day count as one episode. 30 episodes. Wow... And that's counting the Retro Mini "commercial" (normally I wouldn't). That's all for now.

Deja Vu: Critical IG Videos Getting Flagged

Feels like it's 2008 in here. Various videos bashing the Irate Gamer are being taken down for "copyright infringement". Whether they're parodies, commentaries, or even simple "Bores n Doors" they're facing the illegal iron fist of... Cry Wolf Productions? Back when the first flaggings started, they were also for copyright infringement. But the company was Y2B Productions, Bores' little one-man company that legally has no copyright and thus the flagging was illegal. After about a year he came to his senses and stopped trying to hide the videos pointing out why he's wrong as the task was futile and it only made him look like a bigger douche. But who is Cry Wolf Productions? Right now, nobody knows. Searches have brought up a distribution company located in Texas, far away from where Bores lives. It could just be a fake name for a group of trolls that don't like seeing their idol getting bashed. It could be Bores using a new name, knowing that Y2B Productions would immediately give away what he's doing. So as a warning to anyone with anti-IG videos on YouTube, put them on private. Wait for this bullshit to blow over and bring them back up. That's all I can really say.

E3 2011 Part 3: Have We Reached The End? (UPDATE)

This is the coverage that doesn’t end, it goes on and on my friends. Most people have completely moved to better gaming news, but Irate Gamer doesn’t and that is why this is the coverage that doesn’t end. Because this is the coverage that never… oh it ended? After a long painful month of asking the same questions, claiming to be a fan of stuff he clearly hasn’t heard of, and terrorism, IG’s E3 coverage is over! And man these last videos are quite the punch to the gut. Let’s finish this! Video 17: LittleBigPlanet for Playstation Vita (June 27th) http://gotgame.com/2011/06/27/little-big-planet-psvita-first-look/ “Woohoo LBP fans!!” That’s from the description, there’s no context for it being there. Can’t write a description? Just shout something completely random We then get a demo of the game, and other than touch screen and gyroscope additions it looks exactly the same as all the other LBP titles. God I’m bored. After the snooze-inducing demo, it jumps into an interview. All he asks is “when is it coming out?” Video 18: Skylanders: Spyro’s Adventure (June 28th) http://gotgame.com/2011/06/28/skylanders-spyros-adventure-exclusive-look/ Really? This piece of crap? I hope he doesn’t say it looks good because nobody thinks this is going to be good. You have to buy action figures to unlock different characters (more of Activision‘s money pool generators), and Spyro looks like he was hit with the biggest stick from the ugly tree. “Dat looks awesome” Ugh. All I can think of is Eye of Judgement. These characters are so generic, why would I want to play as them? Chop Chop, Prism Break, Ignitor, Flameslinger? Yeah I know I’m ranting more about the game itself but IG isn’t saying anything. “It kind of reminds me of Pokemon” … On second thought, stop talking Bores. Just don’t talk. As usual, IG asks the same damn questions. More characters, consoles, and release date. It’s like he has a checklist and he MUST follow it. But, the part that gets me is at the end. IG does his idiotic “game on” signoff, and Jeff from Activision there repeats it. You know, I like to think that the other representatives hear him say that and wonder “Is this guy for real? Is GotGame like some Nickelodeon thing?” Activision sucks. Video 19: 3DS Games (June 29th) http://gotgame.com/2011/06/29/irate-gamer-e3-3ds-games-rundown/ “The Irate Gamer checks out 4 titles on the 3Ds” … You’re doing this on purpose now aren’t you? “Hey maw, I just done gone saw one of dem movin pictures in da 3Ds”, that’s what it sounds like to me. YouTube Description: "Only a few more E3 vids left. Then we'll return you to your regularly scheduled programming" You have a schedule? Do you share it with Scott Ramsoomair? He looks at Luigi’s Mansion 2, says he didn’t like it. Next! He looks at “the new Star Fox 64 game”. Well, at least saying it like that is correct since there is more than one Star Fox 64. Though I can sum up his thoughts as “it looks cool, and Star Fox fans should be pleased” Then he looks at Mario Kart, “it looks cool, it has new power-ups, and it looks cool in the third dimension”. Well if you aren’t going to elaborate Chris then why should I? He then moves onto Kid Icarus Uprising, which he had “some disappointments” “I’m a huge fan of Kid Icarus” Yes, I’m such a huge fan that I’ve never said the hero’s name correctly. He says the controls are confusing, circling things because he thinks we’re morons. Also, that’s an analog stick not a d-pad. He also says the battle system was annoying, but this one he barely goes indepth. “Setting up the game this way…” Something about that line doesn’t sound right. “Gameplay aside, the graphics and 3D were awesome” Basically he just said “screw gameplay, I only care for graphics!” Gameplay is more important you fool! He ends the video saying he also played Super Mario 3D, but “that’s a review for another day”. So you’re going to wait until the game comes out? Oh wait no, he just confused “review” and “preview” again. Because they’re so similar. Video 20: Star Wars Kinect (June 30th) http://gotgame.com/2011/06/30/star-wars-kinect-e3-exclusive-details-revealled/ “This intrepid interviewer…” You don’t know what that means do you? An intrepid interviewer/reporter/journalist is someone that goes into risky areas like war zones or corrupt businesses. You’re an asshole that went to a convention open to thousands of people asking questions anyone with a grain of common sense could figure out. “… strikes gold yet again when a yet to be revealed fact about the game slips out” E3 ended three weeks ago, any “facts” you have will likely have been reported by better news sources. Even if it is something “new”, nobody cares. You’re the only moron that thinks this piece of shit looks playable. I haven’t even gotten to the video! The video does begin with Bores playing the game and someone telling him how it works. The more I see of this game, the more I understand how idiotic it is. Put this on the Wii or Playstation 3 with Move exclusive controls, at least I have something concrete to hold onto. Pretending I’m holding a lightsaber is like going back to the stone age, no wait they actually had clubs and rocks, this is just outright stupid! This is why they made toys, so you can hold something when you’re playing Jedi. “Decapitation Chris that was awesome” What have I said about talking? Oh wait, that was someone else… don’t talk either way. We then enter interview mode. IG asks the same damn questions that we can see from the trailer, and this Matt guy from LucasArts says “iconic” more than Joe Maddelana (look him up kids). And where’s this “revealed fact” that he bragged about? All of this I could see from the footage! Video 21: Resident Evil: Operation Raccoon City (July 1st) http://gotgame.com/2011/07/01/resident-evil-operation-raccoon-city-e3-first-look/ “I’m a big fan of the Resident Evil games” Your review of Resident Evil 5 says otherwise. After Eric from Capcom explains that it’s a team-based game, IG asks “Is there one main character we’re playing as?” Did you not listen to what he was saying? This is like that G.I. Joe interview from two years ago. “Will we be saying any classics like Jill or Chris?” You can clearly see Leon and Claire. You know, the characters you don’t know of because the only Resident Evil game you played was 5, I’m surprised you know Jill considering you didn’t get past the first level. The video ends with a shot of Bores looking at the camera and nodding. What the hell was that? His face didn’t show any emotion so I have no clue what he was trying to convey there. Video 22: Kirby Wii (July 5th) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JVnlh1ptbis Half the video is a montage of the game as he makes “funny faces” to the camera. Do his fans really find these reaction shots funny? “Wow oh wow” Careful there, you almost channeled Arch Hall Jr. “Not that Epic Yarn crap” God damn it I knew he would say this! We get it, you didn’t like Epic Yarn! You gave an extremely hypocritical and poor reason for not liking it, but you’ve established well enough that you didn’t like the game. Quit. Bringing. It. Up! Then he says it looks amazing and can’t wait for it to come out. That’s it. Boy, that was pointless. Well, more pointless than the other E3 videos. How much longer… Video 23: Super Mario 3DS (July 6th) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zQc8JzgcFkQ “Of course I saved the best for last” Is… is it over? Are there no more E3 videos after I finish this? “If you love Mario games, you’ll enjoy this installment too” I hate when he says this, I really do. “And this time, he’s in 3D” I thought he was in 3D back in 1996 when Super Mario 64 came ohhhh you mean the other 3D. The one that's just a fad right now. He brings up old enemies and shows footage of Rocky Wrench while calling him “this guy”. You did this voiceover in post-production, you seriously couldn’t go to the Mario Wiki and find “Rocky Wrench”? Also, this isn’t their big comeback. They showed up in Super Mario Galaxy and New Super Mario Bros. Wii. After some more rambling, it then enters a montage with that stock rock track he’s used before. Oh god damn it his Pac-Man Fever is coming out! Not at E3 you moron! Why is he angry? Didn't he say he liked the game? Also, he’s using footage from the trailer. I don’t care anymore, this E3 shit is over! What do I make of that? The captain obvious questions, the feigned interest, caring for games that anyone with an ounce of common sense can tell you are going to suck, Ubisoft, I seriously SERIOUSLY hope GotGame has the sense to not bring him next year. That’s all I really have to say. What’s next? Well, Bores confirmed on Facebook the next Neo video is Mortal Kombat 9. I imagine it’ll be another video where he forgets his “character” is supposed to be angry, then make up some pointless flaw because he couldn’t find a real one. Followed by a regular Irate Gamer episode on RoboCop 2 & 3. I guess we’ll see that in January. UPDATE: Oh GOD DAMN IT! I knew it was too good to be true! IG uploaded yet another E3 video. Video 24: Top 5 E3 disappointments and let downs. (July 7th) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EblJex6ojDs Oh this is going to suck. The video isn't at E3, but at his house. 1. WWE '12 He didn't like how there was only four characters, no arenas or announcements, not understanding why this was one the show floor. Because the WWE series is big and THQ will do everything to show it off. And no mention on how it dropped the "Smackdown vs. Raw" title? 2. Final Fantasy XIII-2 Or as he calls it, "the new Final Fantasy game". Look, with Final Fantasy you have to be specific since Square-Enix milks that crap. He says the graphics are pretty, but he hasn't been "wowed" since Final Fantasy IX. He didn't understand the story and he felt the "attack system" was dated. You didn't play Final Fantasy XIII did you? It's the exact same system, it's not "dated". It came out in late 2009. He demands that Square fixes it so one attacks like the old games or one attacks like "God of War". You mean like the Tales series, or the Kingdom Hearts series, or Final Fantasy Versus XIII? ... God damn it you're an idiot. Oh, and I missed this the first time around. He calls it "Final Fantasy XII". You clearly edited this video Bores, you didn't even notice that? Or do you fail with roman numerals? 3. X-Men Destiny Or "the new X-Men game". Is it really that difficult to say titles? He says he didn't like how you don't play as any of the actual X-Men, but three students created for the game. Begrudgingly... I agree. I have zero interest in this game. Bleh, I just agreed with Bores. I feel unclean. 4. Twisted Metal Finally, some elaboration on his throw-away line from the Sony Conference video... pfft. He said it felt rehashed. It's the first real Twisted Metal game in a long time! In fact, the car battle genre isn't exactly a big one. 5. The Legend of Zelda: Skyward Sword Oh boy, here we go. He does acknowledge people will get mad at him for it. ... Too easy. He thought the controls were "clunky" and felt switching weapons was a "pain in the butt." First off, do you know what clunky controls are? The Wii tries to avoid this with the limited buttons. Second, pain in the butt? Quit trying to keep this PG. He says others agreed with him, and that it's all a bad sign and things need to be improved and blah blah blah. People are still going to buy it, and they're going to lavishly praise it. That's just how the world works. He then says he wants a gritty, adult Zelda, similar to God of War. Go fuck yourself. I've seen assholes say similar things like this, and they're laughed off the forum for being so childish. It's not "mature" to want a gritty Zelda, it's extremely simple-minded. It's the "Call of Duty audience" mindset and frankly I find it disgusting. He then brings up the Wii U tech demo and hopes the graphics are like that. Yeaaaah, Nintendo reported they won't look like that. In a dishonorable mention, he was disappointed in THQ for not showing a new Voltron game because they secured the rights for it. That doesn't mean anything, it just means they have the rights to make a game, it doesn't mean they must make one. "Damn it" *pounds table* Grr, I'm angry. Can't you tell how angry I am that there's no Voltron? Grrr. In his "Want More" card at the end, he advertises the "Best of 3E" coming so ... you seriously didn't spot that? Whatever, when he releases his goddamn Best Of list I'll edit this to include it. UPDATE: For the love of... before we're "treated" to his Best Of list, we have to deal with another video from the show. Video 25: Legend Zelda Wii-U Tech Demo - Irate Edit (July 8th) No, that's really what the video is titled. "Legend Zelda", what the hell is wrong with you? "I had to manually insert every sound FX heard in this video. Took me awhile to put together so i hope you enjoy" ... Is this what he means by "Irate Edit"? This is going to hurt. He shows the tech demo with sounds he added. It didn't hurt, but I really have to ask why? This could have been time spent on making actual content, instead of pointless edits that weren't needed. Can you just end this Bores? Nobody cares anymore! UPDATE: Video 26: Top 5 Best of E3 (July 12th) Are we at the end? I hope we are. The well is bone-dry. "I know some will disagree with my choices since this was a big year for First Person Shooters, but I don't really get into those" Bores, most gamers are really sick of the FPS genre. Don't try to act like your "high and mighty" by not including Modern Warfare 3 or Halo 4 on your list. 1. Super Mario 3DS He just reiterates everything said in his preview video (see above), he calls it a "review" in an annotation link. Someone really should tell him the difference. 2. Sonic Generations Once again he goes on about how awesome it is, calls it a "review" in his annotation link blah blah blah. He comments that fans have been wanting a Sonic game similar to the Genesis titles for "a couple years". Try a decade! By the way, this is a 3 minute 21 second video, we're not even a minute in and he's already on the third game of his Top 5 list. 3. Ninja Gaiden 3 Whoa! He said it correctly! Maybe he does listen to me. Or one of the people at GotGame smacked him off-screen and said "it's GUY-den you fuckwit". "There's lots of action, lots of button-smashing" Dumb complaint but it's button-mashing not smashing. Jeez, he can't even get the terminology right. He also says he got an interview with the developers but he scrapped it because they didn't tell him much. How is this different from your other interviews? Oh wait, they might have actually told you stuff if you weren't a dipshit and asked questions like "Is the downloadable Mortal Kombat fighter also going to have special moves?" 4. Star Wars Kinect I KNEW IT! You have got to be kidding me. I would have preferred you put Modern Warfare 3 on the list, as linear as it is at least it has a decent amount of control. "It's really cool, you jump, you lightsaber, you've got force pushing" Stuff you can do in a lot of Star Wars games. Waving your arms isn't a good incentive. Also, when did lightsaber become a verb? 5. Kirby Wii Five bucks says he bashes Epic Yarn again. He didn't outright bash it, he just said "it wasn't the game I was wanting, this is blah blah blah". Unfortunately that's not the end of the video. He brings up the 3DS Streetpass and how it works, and that he got a lot of different Miis and people e-mailing him saying they got his Mii. I don't care? He also says he'll get a 3DS review out in the future because he gets requests for it. Can't bring up a possible video without creating the illusion he has fans. "There's one more video" NOOOO oh it's just bloopers. Well fuck that! I am done with this! Holy crap this took forever. Cross your fingers that GotGame wises up and doesn't invite him next year. I hope they gave him shit for the Ubisoft video. So what's next? Probably going to wait for his Mortal Kombat 9 video, or do a Redux Recap.

E3 2011 Part 2: More Embarrassing Than Mr. Caffeine

Here we go, more E3 coverage from the man that clearly doesn’t deserve to be there.

As I said I didn’t want to split this into parts, but after his childish Ubisoft video… let’s just move on from that.

Video 7: Spider-Man: Edge of Time (June 17th)

http://gotgame.com/2011/06/17/irate-gamer-e3-2011-spiderman-edge-of-time/

He’s skipping Nintendo? Strange. I know he did that video with “Raychul” but that technically doesn’t count.

Edge of Time, looking exactly the same as Shattered Dimensions. Oh good, Activision found another well-received game to exploit for their money pools. This time it’s Beenox-developed Spidey.

The video begins with a montage of the convention floor, with one shot of Bores trying to look cool on the elevator. Stop that, it’s humiliating.

He heads over to Activision to conduct an interview… crap crap crap crap. At least he was kind enough to give the representative’s name.

IG asks four questions. “What’s it about? “What are the new attacks?” “Who are the villains?” “When and where will it come out?” Let’s see how many times he asks these same questions.

We get some broken English answers from Gerard (he’s French-Canadian, I won’t hold it against him). He says a bunch of stuff one can figure out from the trailer or just isn’t that exciting. That’s about it.

I hope I don’t have to suffer through too many interviews, these are just boring. Maybe we’ll get a dumb line like “Harmony of Despair is a throwback to the 8-bit games” or asking a question he was just given the answer to.

Video 8: Sony Conference … again? (June 17th)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YmYiqKh-Nxw

Apparently he applies the same rules to his E3 videos that he does to his Neo videos, where the YouTube version is longer than the GotGame version. I’ll count it as a different video since the other one was only over a minute and this one is four and a half… ugh.

The video begins with him outside where Sony is holding a small food festival, where they have a replica of Sweet Tooth’s ice cream truck. IG gushes over it. Does he know the name of the clown that drives the truck? Of course not.

We then get a montage of the various booths and food trucks, and we see him eat. This is exactly what I want out of E3 coverage, food! I’m just glad breakfast isn’t involved.

Seriously, it’s a whole minute spent looking at food. If you want to make a show about food, then why didn’t you do that? It’s clear how much you love it.

Then the conference starts. He brings up Sony’s big apology, his casual mention of it makes me think he has no clue why they’re apologizing, Then shows Sony’s new split-screen technology, followed by a pointless reaction shot. Wait that’s the same shot he used when Ice-T appeared at Microsoft’s conference. My God you’re lazy.

He brings up the Playstation Vita, which didn’t happen until much later but screw telling things in order. He says he has a LBP PSVita “review” later. Once again Chris, a preview is not a review. They are two completely different things.

He also brings up Ruin, saying it’s similar to Diablo. There! That’s a game that’s similar to Diablo! I still don’t know where the hell you saw it in Castlevania: Portrait of Ruin.

He moves onto NBA 2K12 (which he calls NBA 2K because he’s an idiot) and how they brought out Kobe Bryant to try it. Cue forced reaction shot from Bores and padding.

That’s followed by the recap video from GotGame with the fixed audio glitch, see Video 2 in the previous post to read what I said about that.

Video 9: Mortal Kombat 9 Skarlet DLC (June 18th)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4hN_aSTSQrE

Of course he spells it “Scarlett”. Some MK fan you are, spelling something with a C instead of a K.

For some reason this went up on YouTube and not GotGame. I don’t understand the logic behind his updates.

It’s another damn interview.

“I’m assuming she’ll have special attacks, fatalities and all that?” Of course she will! Quit asking questions that anyone with an iota of common sense can figure out.

Next!

Video 10: Ruin for Playstation Vita (June 20th)

http://gotgame.com/2011/06/20/irate-gamer-e3-ruin-for-sonys-ps-vita/

Wait, what the hell is this? “The First Ever First Look anywhere on this game and the Irate Gamer has it!” Wow, that statement just reeks of Bores’ egotism. Especially when Gamespot and Blistered Thumbs both have interviews about it released days before this video. Seriously, it’s a clone of Diablo. There’s not much to say about it. Plus, we got a pretty good demo from Sony’s conference so if anything that was the “First Ever First Look”

It’s another interview. Chris is trying way too hard to sound enthusiastic.

IG says he likes the Diablo-style camera angle. So did IG play the PS1 version? Or is this more of his lying? I’ve never seen him mention PC gaming in any of his videos and he hasn’t reviewed a single PC game. Oh who am I kidding, he’s clearly lying.

“Are there multiple characters and character classes?” If it’s anything like Diablo, then yes! Which is exactly what the representative says.

“I’m sure you can upgrade your weapons” It’s an RPG, of cour- … god damn it Bores.

The video ends with IG showing a ground slam with one of his sound effects added in. I’m convinced, Bores thinks random sounds are hysterical.

Video 11: Star Trek (June 20th)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=knfYhinvFQA

Yet another interview. This one was really uneventful.

“Will we see the other Star Trek characters?” This isn’t the 80’s, companies try to put more effort into movie tie-ins, especially when the game is going to come out 3 years after the movie.

Next!

Video 12: Wii U (June 21st)

http://gotgame.com/2011/06/21/irate-gamer-e3-wii-u-hands-on/

IG begins the video showing what the Wii U can do in the E3 montage, along with a terrible reaction shot. You know Chris, it’s not cool or funny to do shots like that. It makes you look like a tool.

He then cuts to the Nintendo booth and starts interviewing a representative, or rather the rep tells him the Wii U is innovative and all that.

IG then tries out some pirate tech demo created to showcase the Wii U’s capabilities. This annoys me, there are a ton of people that really want to try the Wii U and this hack that clearly doesn’t care about video games gets to see how it works. Life isn’t fair sometimes.

I don’t know if it was the bad camera work or Bores being … Bores but that demo was really boring.

Video 13: Wii U Part 2: New Super Mario Bros Mii (June 22nd)

http://gotgame.com/2011/06/22/wiiu-hands-on-part-2-super-mario-mii/

*reads description* Hang on a second, the description for the first Wii U video said “The Irate Gamer gets his hands on this highly sought after device” but the description here says “The irate gamer gets his hands on this device!” Are you that lazy that all you could do is remove three words? You couldn’t even capitalize your name!

“Now we’re checking out the new Mario game for this new platform” These 3 minutes are going to suck.

There’s a lot of padding about how great this “new” Mario game is even though it’s the same thing as New Super Mario Bros Wii but with the ability to play as your Mii. I don’t think it’s even a real game, just a tech demo.

Bores continues to ask questions that Nintendo will not answer because they’re Nintendo and they never give away secrets. Meaning he can’t rely on his checklist of “characters, powers, levels, enemies, etc.”

Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Video 14: BurgerTime World Tour (June 23rd)

http://gotgame.com/2011/06/23/e3-burgertime-hd-plus-exclusive-dlc-news/

IG says he has an exclusive announcement about DLC. What really happened is that they released an April Fool’s trailer with the Burger King and they want to make it a reality. So technically this isn’t exclusive. Plus I found a couple articles mentioning DLC.

We get more of IG’s “I totally played this as a kid, I’m a gamer guys really” crap. He also said he was really looking forward to seeing this. You know, his usual lies.

“Oh wow that is awesome” Again, why do you talk?

Actually, his excitement over this goes back to his obsessive love of food. Put food in something and I’m sure Bores would call it the greatest thing ever.

The video ends with IG winning a match and doing ANOTHER DAMN REACTION SHOT! Hey SWAG, Steve Masters, Guru Larry, someone tell him doing that makes him look like a douchebag and it isn’t fucking cool. Then again he’d still be a douchebag if he stopped so… yeah.

Video 15: Sonic Generations (June 25th)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=slZ5gaQBwDs

“Next it was on to Sega and the new Sonic Generations game” There’s more than one Sonic Generations? Yeah I know made this joke last year with Transformers but he really needs to phrase what he says better.

He also brings up how the game is in 3D and it’s really cool. Honestly if I have to wear those glasses, I’d gladly do without the 3D. It’s still a gimmick.

Another interview *sigh*

“So is there a 3D version and a regular version?” … You’re an idiot. At least the representative tells him “it’s a separate mode”. They wouldn’t release the same game twice but with one version in 3D. Who’s dumb enough to do that?

*points to Ocarina of Time 3D* That’s a remake released 13 years later, it’s not the same thing.

I doubt Bores has even seen a Sonic forum. He just says that to make himself sound like a Sonic fan.

I don’t understand why he put “SHADOW ANNOUNCED” in the title of the video, he won’t be playable and frankly he’s a lame character. I don’t mind new characters in Sonic, but Shadow is the result of “we need to make the series darker, make Sonic a brooding dickhole and call it a new character”.

And it’s probably just me, but I was really annoyed with IG’s fake laughter in this video. It just felt like he was trying way too hard.

Video 16: Street Fighter X Tekken (June 26th)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CnoHjIag-CU

This time he claims to have “exclusive joystick news heard nowhere else”. *Goes to Google* And Yoshinori Ono posted a tweet about it on June 7th. Is it really that big of a surprise? Every big Capcom fighting game has an arcade joystick, maybe other outlets didn’t feel it was important to cover because “duuuuuh”.

We’ve got an interview, and hey it’s Seth Killian. Someone should tell him that Bores is a fraud and had no idea what Tekken was until last year.

Usual questions from IG, characters, DLC, blah blah blah.

But good lord his ego is bursting at the seams, anyone that’s interested in Street Fighter X Tekken would know there’s a joystick, it isn’t “exclusive news”.

I think this is where I’ll end Part 2. Why? In the description for the latest video Bores said he has two more weeks of this shit. With more “great news heard nowhere else”. I'm so glad his fans are noticing how much of an egomaniac he is.

E3 2011 Part 1: So It Begins...

So it’s come to this… again. For the third year in a row, the people at GotGame took Chris Bores to E3. What do these guys see in him? I can only assume they’re exploiting his unexplained popularity to get views to their site. But here’s an idea, get people that are talented!

As I’ve said, I’m not angry at IG going to E3, just irritated. Maybe GotGame will finally drop him by next year.

Let’s get through this garbage.

I know I said was going to wait until all his coverage was out, but I felt my blog could have used an update. I didn’t feel like doing a Redux Recap and I don’t want to watch that other Mythbusters parody. There's also another big reason but you'll see that at the end.

For context, what I did was wait for a video to come out then write up on it. That way I wouldn’t have to go through 15-20 videos at once. I also marked the date to show how long it takes for him to release coverage.

Video 1: Day 1 Recap with Raychul (June 7th) http://gotgame.com/2011/06/07/e3-2011-day-1-conference-recap/

Who? She’s an interviewer for GotGame and does her own videos. I tried watching her review on Lego Pirates of the Caribbean, and she just reeks of “fake” as in Morgan Webb or iJustine fake. Most of the time the camera is focused on her, banking on the idea that gamers are perverts and if she just stands there talking people will watch her. We get it, you have boobs! It isn’t like a vlog because there was editing involved.

Oh right, the actual video. We have IG and Raychul standing next to each other, IG is holding a piece of paper that I believe is some kind of script. I say that because he keeps looking at it.

IG says that if there’s a game that’s on the 360, the Wii, and the PS3, he’ll play the PS3 version because he can just sit there and play. Psst, you can do that with the other two. You’re coming off as a PS3 fanboy Chris. Besides, it’s not like the PS3 is completely without motion control *points to Six-Axis and Move*

They talk about Star Wars Kinect and how it looks “awesome”. No no no. Even the hardened Star Wars fans can tell how crap that is.

IG brings up Ninja Gaiden III, oh I’m sorry, Ninja Gay-den III. You can tell Raychul isn’t a gamer because she hasn’t tried to correct him. I really hate people that pronounce it that way.

Blah blah blah more crap I can get better opinions about from Giant Bomb and Blistered Thumbs.

IG then brings up how he couldn’t get into Ubisoft’s conference and tells them they suck. You’re not important! Who cares that you couldn’t get in? Was it so important for you to see Mr. Caffeine?

Raychul brings up “I Am Alive”, something Bores clearly hasn’t heard of. I can tell he hasn’t because his response was “Ubisoft is really mismanaged”. By the way, I imagine Ubisoft won’t be discussing I Am Alive because the game is about surviving an earthquake, a little too soon.

Raychul brings up Last Guardian and Kingdom Hearts III. Wait for TGS for the former, and Square-Enix has said they won’t work on Kingdom Hearts III until Final Fantasy Versus XIII is finished. I know I’m not talking about Bores here but I had to clarify this.

Bores wanted God of War IV. … God of War III came out last year, be glad you’re getting anything God of War related with the ports of the PSP games.

IG mentions how Microsoft’s conference was lame and how last year’s was better. No it wasn’t! It was just as lame! Oh, he means the free 360’s. Oprah-style giveaways make everything better!

He goes on to mention the “best thing” they could get was Ice-T and you would only like if it you’re a fan of Law & Order. You do realize that Ice-T was a famous hip-hop artist and fronted a metal band, not to mention they brought him in because he’s voicing a character for Gears of War 3, one of the 360’s big titles. He had a reason for being there you unpleasable ass!

The two then sign off.

What do I make of that? You can tell Bores had no clue what Raychul was saying half the time, he kept changing the subject to something else after she brought up a game he wasn’t familiar with. Either way it was two frauds talking.

Video 2: Sony Conference Thoughts (June 7th) http://gotgame.com/2011/06/07/irates-sony-conference-thoughts/

IG starts the video saying he played the demos stationed behind the curtain.

“A lot of games I didn’t expect like Twisted Metal” Twisted Metal was announced last year, how the hell did you not expect that? Oh right, you don’t care.

He says it was only “okay”. Sounds like he kept losing.

He brings up Ninja “Gay-den” III again. IT’S GUY-DEN! Watch The Wizard god damn it.

He then moves onto Street Fighter X Tekken (he calls it Vs instead of Cross but I’ll let it slide). There’s a major audio glitch that he seriously should have spotted before sending the video to GotGame (or he uploads them to the site itself, I don’t know). He also says his favorite fighter is Cammy. There better be more reasons other than “she has a hot ass”.

Video 3: Nintendo Conference and Wii U Thoughts with Raychul (June 14th) http://gotgame.com/2011/06/13/e3-2011-nintendo-conference-wii-u-thoughts/

We start on IG and Raychul in front of some wall, IG is wearing sunglasses. They were impressed with Nintendo’s conference.

Raychul starts explaining how it works, in case you were under a rock for the six days since Wii U was announced.

IG says that Nintendo is really innovating and that Sony & Microsoft are stuck. No, I’d say they’re all innovating in some way.

Honestly the rest of the video is just “blah blah blah stuff you heard already if you actually cared to look it up when the news was fresh”.

Technically, both videos with Raychul weren’t made by Bores. They were made by “GotGame TV”. But I’m still counting them.

Video 4: Microsoft Press Conference (June 14th) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MqbEK7_58bo

For some reason this video went up on YouTube before GotGame. Strange.

“Irate Gamer’s Coverage of E3 begins!” I thought it began last week with that Sony recap?

“I won’t show the entire hour long conference” That’s why we have sites like YouTube and Gametrailers that archived it. So we can see all the Kinect-related embarrassment. Also, the conference wasn’t an hour, it was 90 minutes.

“So let’s bullet point this bad boy” Why do you talk?

“The first game they showed was Call of Duty 3” Oh wow, he got the name completely wrong. The actual Call of Duty 3 came out in 2006, this is Modern Warfare 3, the “spin-off” of sorts. If anything this is Call of Duty 8. Learn the difference.

He then recaps what happened in the demo. Somehow he made the ultra-linear shooting game even more boring.

He moves onto Tomb Raider, which he claims to be have been looking forward too. Suuuure you were, and I bet you’re totally stoked for *insert revival of classic franchise* because it was on an old console and you want to make yourself look like a total retro gamer.

Now it’s padding time! He shows part of the demo on shaky cam. It saddens me there are people dumb enough to call this the “best E3 coverage” when one can just look up the game and find much better footage of it. It’s like watching a bad Let’s Play.

Moving onto Mass Effect 3 and the use of Kinect. More shaky footage with a shot of Bores for no reason, he wasn’t even reacting to anything.

Did I mention this video is padded to hell?

He brings up the addition of YouTube, Bing and live TV. The last of which he calls “vewy cool”. Oh yeah, that way I can watch TV on my TV! … Something’s not right.

Bores lists off the Kinect games, many of which look awful. Including the boring-as-shit Star Wars, that he’s excited for. He’s probably the only one. He tells us he has a video of him playing it coming soon. Oh this will be fun. For some reason he lists the games out of order.

Then he brings up other game trailers, this isn’t how the conference happened!

He gets to Gears of War 3 and how they brought in Ice-T to “play with the host”. Host? That’s Cliff Bleszinski, the director of the game. Respect him!

Ice-T appearing prompts a reaction from a very green Bores. I have no clue what he’s trying to emote.

More demo padding, followed by Ice-T announcing Body Count’s reunion. Bores complains that they didn’t perform right there. Because a musical act that isn’t rhythm game related during the middle of a conference would completely slow it down. It was okay for Nintendo because they did it at the very beginning.

Bores then shows the trailer for Halo 4. Woo…

We cut to Bores outside, seriously what’s with the sunglasses? He then… recaps what we just saw. My God he really does think his viewers are idiots.

Well that was dumb. The worst part though? We have to suffer through the same thing with EA, Sony and Nintendo. Good thing he couldn’t get into Ubisoft… oh wait we have to see the video where he whines about that.

Video 5: EA Conference (June 15th) http://gotgame.com/2011/06/15/e3-2011-ea-press-conference-highlights/

IG starts the video saying the coolest thing about the conference was a Vince Lombardi Super Bowl trophy in the hallway. That’s a pretty weak highlight.

He says the first game they showed was Need for Speed: The Run, which is wrong because the first game they really showed was Mass Effect 3. Unrelated to the Kinect stuff from before.

He says NFS looks really cool due to a “storyline” and “getting out of the car”. Because that’s what was missing from my RACING game, fucking quicktime events! There’s a good reason I call it “Need for Speed: The Runs”.

Then some padding.

He moves onto The Sim Social, noting how you can “get it on with your fake girlfriend”. He responds to that with “uhh yeah I’ll just stick to the real thing”. You do know you can do that in the actual Sims right? I won’t resort to a cheap shot here, I really do like to think I’m better than that.

IG brings up that they filled the room with a fog machine to promote the new SSX. Am I supposed to be impressed by that? It’s a fog machine, I’ve seen plenty. Also, is it me or did he sound really awkward when saying “SSX”? Like he was trying not to accidentally say “sex”.

Followed by more padding! For being a 3 and half minute video, it feels like it won’t end.

“Pretty cool” that wasn’t even gameplay! Only say that if isn’t a CG trailer.

“But the clear highlight of this event, had to be for NFL fans, as EA promoted their newest Madden title.” Because it’s not like they release a new one every… I can’t do it. God damn it Bores! Most actual gamers stop listening during this part because they don’t give a shit about coverage of a game that comes out every year!

He then shows the part where the football players show up to… promote I think. At least Ice-T had a purpose! Those guys were there so EA can say “we got these guys, give us our annual $60 dollars for Madden”.

And… that’s it. What about Battlefield 3? That was the true highlight of the show! What the hell Bores?

I am surprised he didn’t bring up the Star Wars The Old Republic trailer and complain about it still being developed. Either way, those were awful highlights.

Video 6: Irate Gamer vs. Ubisoft (June 15th) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q5XHa2oaBQc

Two videos in one day, is he improving? This video is only over a minute long so no.

This minute consists of Bores complaining that Ubisoft was mismanaged and how their a bunch of assholes and good god shut the fuck up! Do you even play Ubisoft games? Do you even care for Splinter Cell or Ghost Recon, Rayman, Far Cry, so why are you complaining?

“You don’t mess with the Irate Gamer” Grr, I’m threatening.

He then has his camera man pull out his lens cap, he presses it and somehow blows up the Ubisoft office. Because that’s the perfectly sane response to not getting into a conference, TERRORISM. What the hell is wrong with you? Even Spoony wouldn’t threaten to destroy 2K Games after the XCOM “betrayal”.

It also happens to be the exact same explosion from the RoboCop review. My guess that it would be his new default was correct, and now I am saddened.

The rest of the video is another “check out these videos” title card.

I’m flabbergasted, this was a completely daft video. You know how many other small-time journalists don’t get E3 interviews? Do they complain? Well yeah but they move on! Do not turn this into an on-going gag on your fucking show. I don’t want to see you review Rayman Origins and try to make Ubisoft sound like an evil company all because you couldn’t get into a damn conference.

This is mainly the reason I uploaded this post early. NOBODY would use an implied death threat to send a message to a big company. Was he even “in character”?

I shall wait for more awful E3 coverage. Ugh.