Hard to believe it’s been 11 months since the last I Rate the ‘80s. The hell has he been doing? Oh right, ghosts and Skylanders…
Anywho, this episode will be covering the General Mills Monster cereals (Count Chocula, Franken-Berry, Boo-Berry, and the return of Fruit Brute and Fruity Yummy Mummy)
But wait, didn’t he already cover Yummy Mummy years ago? Yes, but that was when it was discontinued, now it’s not, meaning it’s now perfectly acceptable for Bores to recycle old material (no it’s not).
Also, why is he posting this in February?! Wouldn’t this make more sense as a Halloween special? Of course, when has Bores ever been logical?
Despite the video being posted on February 21st, it was actually shortly online on February 20th but was quickly taken down. According to RndmAZN, who managed to watch the video before it was taken down, Bores kept referring to the company that made the cereals as Post, not General Mills (Post is responsible for Fruity and Cocoa Pebbles and Honeycomb, among a few others). That’s a really big fuck up to make that you can’t even get the company right.
But now, it’s back online, and hoo boy this looks like it will hurt. It’s a long episode too at 7:23.
Let’s go.
Intro: Surprisingly, this isn’t another “I Rate the ‘70s” considering that’s when four of the five cereals were introduced.
0:05 - 1:01: “It’s also been requested by you the fans” Ha! That’s adorable, still thinking you have fans.
Here goes the history… at least he refers to them as General Mills now. Also, weird stock footage of people in a business meeting.
He starts with Count Chocula, brings up how it’s full of chocolate, and that it’s so good you’ll say … then suddenly Sonny, the mascot of Cocoa Puffs, shows up and yells “Cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs”. Um… why? Then Bores punches him because he falls back on violence when he has no real punchline. This is going to be a loooong video.
1:02 - 1:17: He moves onto Franken-Berry, and like many ignorant people claims it’s based on the monster “Frankenstein”. Once again, Frankenstein was the creator, not the monster. It’s a common misconception held by all truly stupid people. I would have accepted “this cereal is based on Frankenstein’s Monster”.
IG says the flavor comes from “Frankens” … what? “Or strawberries, I always get the two confused” Oh, it was a horrible joke. What?
Then Strawberry Shortcake shows up and is angry at him. Seriously? If this is going to be the running joke, it’s going to be a looooong video.
1:18 - 1:57: IG brings up the first commercial with the two, and how it’s about the mascots trying to one-up each other. For some reason he calls it “wacky” (you have a really weird definition of that word). Then it cuts to him eating both cereals when poorly animated versions of Count Chocula and Franken-Berry arrive and start arguing. As you can guess, Bores can’t pull off either Bela Lugosi or Boris Karloff, especially not Karloff.
Oh, and he stops the argument by saying he’s “trying to educate the viewers”. Educate… that’s a fucking riot. Bores, the only thing you can educate is how not to make a terrible YouTube series.
1:58 - 2:21: The cereals were popular, and he brings up a study by the University of Maryland that wonders why Franken-Berry turned kid’s stool pink. Then it cuts to Cousin Joey, oh wait this is 80s so Kid Bores, looking into the toilet and going “eww” over the pink poop. Then he… touches it… then licks it and says it “tastes like berries”. Why would you do that?! Again, please tell me how he doesn’t resort to toilet humor! Anyone that claims this is lying or in complete denial!
2:21 - 2:49: IG then moves on to the third Monster cereal. Then for no reason, Ronnie shows up and asks if it’s a skeleton cereal. Why? What’s the point?
Then Boo-Berry shows up bringing the box, and pushes Ronnie. And yes, Bores can’t pull off Peter Lorre either.
He mentions it’s blueberry flavored and the marshmallows are blue. Then a bunch of animated Boo-Berry ghosts rise from the cere- IS THAT WISE SAGE?! Holy crap, his first appearance in over two years! And it’s a stupid cameo involving Boo-Berry. Nice to see you treat the best character on the show with so much respect Chris. Though, considering Chris made this at the same time as the story finale, maybe Wise Sage will be showing up there? I can’t imagine he’d redeem it though…
2:50 - 3:30: He brings up the commercials now adding Boo-Berry to the argument, and how he would scare the other two away.
Then it cuts to IG when… *sighs* the god damn Scooby Doo gang. Why?!
Fred claims he heard they have a ghost problem. I’m sure Chris wishes that was true, then “Pursuit of the Paranormal” would have been successful. IG shoos them away, when one of those knock-off Scooby Doo gangs show up. I don’t know which one, there were so many. Then the Harlem Globetrotters, causing IG to face palm. Then Dynomutt shows up for literally no reason, complete with laugh track. My God, this is the most Family Guy-esque episode he’s ever done. So many pointless fucking cameos! No wonder this shit is over seven minutes, it’s packed with filler!
3:31 - 4:37: The cereals continued to be successful, leading to GM to release another one year later. Actually, Fruit Brute was released in 1975, not 1974. Then again, he thought Post made the cereals before fixing that so clearly he doesn’t care.
Ronnie shows up again asking about skeleton cereal (ugggggh), then Fruit Brute shows up to bring the box. I’d comment on the voice, but I have no idea who Fruit Brute is supposed to be imitating.
He mispronounces Werewolf (Werewoof) and shows the commercials. He notes that Fruit Brute wasn’t popular enough to appear in more of them, and brings up that “10 years later” (actually 9) it was discontinued. Chris showcases this by making Fruit Brute explode. That’s not the same thing as disappearing…
Boo-Berry retorts “Now that’s what I call a disappearing act”. HE EXPLODED! Chris, do you even read your own script?
Then Chocula and Franken-Berry show up again and they all start arguing again. Am I on a mobius strip?
4:38 - 4:53: In the 80s, he brings up that the commercials dropped the “cartoon cel-shaded look”. That’s not what cel-shading is. Cel-shading is giving 3D models a “cartoon-ish” look, like Dragon Quest VIII or Wind Waker. This is obviously hand-drawn 2D animation.
He then brings up that the marshmallows were renamed “Monster-Mallows” and… a pointless appearance from the Stay-Puft Marshmallow Man. I think this is the most self-indulgent video Chris has ever done.
4:54 - 5:31: And now, the introduction of Fruity Yummy Mummy. And no, he still doesn’t say the “Fruity” part of the name.
He shows the commercial, and that for the “next 5 years” they would have four cereals, and that the cereal was discontinued in 1993. Do your math Chris, that’s 6 years. Introduced in 87, discontinued in 93.
Oh and Fruity Yummy Mummy explodes instead of disappears. I get the feeling he was going to make them disappear but felt that wasn’t “cool enough” so he made them explode.
5:31 - 6:00: IG brings up that GM tried gimmicks through the 90s until sales tapered off to the point that they would only be released seasonally. He also does a gag involving the “bright marshmallows”.
Then he arrives to 2013 and GM bringing back Fruit Brute and Fruity Yummy Mummy, along with the other three. “Vewy coo’” Wow, it’s been a while since he said that.
And now, onto the rating.
He loved Count Chocula, he liked Franken-Berry and Boo-Berry, he never had Fruit Brute but brings up that Quentin Tarantino put the box in some of his movies, and then he gets to Fruity Yummy Mummy and starts gushing. Going on how he “remembers it in da 80s”, how the first episode of I Rate the 80s was on FYM, and how he got a ton of e-mails about it coming back. All 6 of them.
He claims that Fruity Yummy Mummy “tastes like the 80s” … what? And says that the kids watching won’t really understand what that means. I don’t think anyone but you understands what that means. Are you claiming it tastes the same? Because it doesn’t. Original FYM was fruit flavored with vanilla marshmallows (and apparently it tasted like shit from various testimonials), the new FYM is orange-cream cereal with marshmallows, and it sounds like it’s “not too bad” from people that tried it. So either you were one of the few to actually like the cereal back then, or you have no idea what you’re talking about.
The final rating is of course “Nostalgia Overload”. Shocking.
As he’s about to sign out, all five of the mascots show up and yell to try out their cereal. Then … *sighs* Ronnie shows up again and shows that he has his own cereal. “Skele-rons”. The mascots vanish (no really, next shot of Chris shows they're gone) as IG tries it (looks like generic cereal pieces and marshmallows). He says it tastes weird and asks what it’s made of. Ronnie claims it’s from his own rib cage. … Don’t you need that to live? Wait, what am I saying? Why am I bringing logic into this?
Then IG throws up and Ronnie appears in front of a bunch of spider webs to say it’s part of a balanced breakfast. Oh my god it’s finally over!
Holy crap, that was retarded!
I think this was the most self-indulgent episode Chris has ever done. So many pointless cameos, so much padding and filler, so many unfunny horrible jokes! He even gets things like years wrong. This episode wasn’t made for the fans, this was made for him and him alone.
This had to the most “Family Guy” episode he’s ever done too. I just… this was a massive train wreck. Educational my ass.
Of course, Chris goes on about how long the animation took. What animation? Outside of a couple characters, the only thing they did was move their lips.
The only good thing was Wise Sage reappearing after all this time, and even that was sad as it was barely a cameo. Poor Eric…
And yet, I get the feeling the IG story arc finale is going to be worse. Just a gut feeling really.
I’ll see you all next time.
Friday, February 21, 2014
Friday, February 14, 2014
Captain N is Crap! Craaaaaaap!
I feel like I've just been vindicated.
You may recall my "Captain N" theory about Chris correct? Here's a reminder. My theory is that Chris didn't play video games growing up, instead he watched those terrible tie-in animated shows like the Super Mario Bros. Super Show and Captain N.
I've gathered evidence overtime supporting this. He calls Bowser "Koopa" (which is his name in Japan, but in the states it was used for the Super Show), his use of Eggplant Wizard in the Tetris review (a completely disposable character if not for Captain N), he called Pit "Kid Icarus" in his Smash Bros review (Captain N made the dumb mistake of calling him Kid Icarus instead of Pit), and he hoped to see "Nintendo characters" like Mega Man, Simon Belmont and Bomberman in the next Smash Bros (the former two being main characters on Captain N... at least the Mega Man prediction came true). He also has a weird obsession with Simon Belmont being the only protagonist in Castlevania, like when he went on a rant about Harmony of Despair not including him (prior to the DLC) or how Portrait of Ruin didn't have him. I have to imagine that's not from playing the games, but from watching Captain N.
Welp, I think I got a huge piece of evidence. Over at his site.
He wrote up a post about Little Mac being the newest Smash Bros character (Slotaku), and in the text he brought up that he wants to see King Hippo too (that's not gonna happen) and hopes that Eggplant Wizard is in too for the "old school Captain N fans".
... Yeah...
Chris, you do realize that most "fans" don't really like the show now right? They watch it and see a complete insult to some of their favorite games, and atrocious animation. They liked it as kids because they were kids, and kids are stupid. Captain N's nostalgia value is really low, not even close to the levels of Batman, TMNT or Power Rangers.
But yeah, I think that only further proves my theory. I may feel vindicated... but I don't like it.
You know, I'm glad Chris never reviewed Kid Icarus Uprising. Otherwise he would whine that Eggplant Wizard isn't an important character, just a normal ass enemy. Even though that's exactly what he was in the first game, only being "popular" because of Captain N.
Here are better Kid Icarus characters that would fit in Smash Bros. Palutena, Magnus, Amazon Pandora, Arlon, Phosphera, Medusa, HADES! And maybe Viridi.
Meanwhile on Facebook!
A fan asked about Dark Souls II. He responded "I'll check it out"
Hahahahahahaha oh wow
Honestly, I would actually pay money to see him attempt Dark Souls II. Just to see all the failure come forth. Chris has no idea what he's in for if he tries it. Knowing him, he'll probably casually ask GotGame for a free copy, they won't give it to him, and he'll forget about it after buying more Skylanders.
Still, that would be hilarious.
UPDATE: He posted an article about the Koopalings in Mario Kart 8, and it only furthers to serve my theory.
He calls them the "Koopa Kids" then acts surprised that they're "now" called the Koopalings, and that he refuses to conform.
*sighs* The Koopa Kids were their names only in the cartoons. In the games it was always the Koopalings, and they were sort of considered Bowser's kids until Miyamoto retconned it a few years ago.
How can anyone think Chris is legit?
You may recall my "Captain N" theory about Chris correct? Here's a reminder. My theory is that Chris didn't play video games growing up, instead he watched those terrible tie-in animated shows like the Super Mario Bros. Super Show and Captain N.
I've gathered evidence overtime supporting this. He calls Bowser "Koopa" (which is his name in Japan, but in the states it was used for the Super Show), his use of Eggplant Wizard in the Tetris review (a completely disposable character if not for Captain N), he called Pit "Kid Icarus" in his Smash Bros review (Captain N made the dumb mistake of calling him Kid Icarus instead of Pit), and he hoped to see "Nintendo characters" like Mega Man, Simon Belmont and Bomberman in the next Smash Bros (the former two being main characters on Captain N... at least the Mega Man prediction came true). He also has a weird obsession with Simon Belmont being the only protagonist in Castlevania, like when he went on a rant about Harmony of Despair not including him (prior to the DLC) or how Portrait of Ruin didn't have him. I have to imagine that's not from playing the games, but from watching Captain N.
Welp, I think I got a huge piece of evidence. Over at his site.
He wrote up a post about Little Mac being the newest Smash Bros character (Slotaku), and in the text he brought up that he wants to see King Hippo too (that's not gonna happen) and hopes that Eggplant Wizard is in too for the "old school Captain N fans".
... Yeah...
Chris, you do realize that most "fans" don't really like the show now right? They watch it and see a complete insult to some of their favorite games, and atrocious animation. They liked it as kids because they were kids, and kids are stupid. Captain N's nostalgia value is really low, not even close to the levels of Batman, TMNT or Power Rangers.
But yeah, I think that only further proves my theory. I may feel vindicated... but I don't like it.
You know, I'm glad Chris never reviewed Kid Icarus Uprising. Otherwise he would whine that Eggplant Wizard isn't an important character, just a normal ass enemy. Even though that's exactly what he was in the first game, only being "popular" because of Captain N.
Here are better Kid Icarus characters that would fit in Smash Bros. Palutena, Magnus, Amazon Pandora, Arlon, Phosphera, Medusa, HADES! And maybe Viridi.
Meanwhile on Facebook!
A fan asked about Dark Souls II. He responded "I'll check it out"
Hahahahahahaha oh wow
Honestly, I would actually pay money to see him attempt Dark Souls II. Just to see all the failure come forth. Chris has no idea what he's in for if he tries it. Knowing him, he'll probably casually ask GotGame for a free copy, they won't give it to him, and he'll forget about it after buying more Skylanders.
Still, that would be hilarious.
UPDATE: He posted an article about the Koopalings in Mario Kart 8, and it only furthers to serve my theory.
He calls them the "Koopa Kids" then acts surprised that they're "now" called the Koopalings, and that he refuses to conform.
*sighs* The Koopa Kids were their names only in the cartoons. In the games it was always the Koopalings, and they were sort of considered Bowser's kids until Miyamoto retconned it a few years ago.
How can anyone think Chris is legit?
Friday, February 7, 2014
I Was Kidding When I Said Late February!
Dark Souls, Dark Souls, you're so very fun.
Hm? Bores has a new a video up? Is it a review?
No... no... it's just an update vlog. Might as well discuss it since NOTHING has been happening here.
Chris announces that the "finale" of the story arc will be split into two parts (I figured this would happen) and that a lot of the hard work and delays came from the use of green screen as the "entire episode" will be in front of it. *looks at other reviewers that use lots of green screen but still get plenty of videos out* Yeah whatever.
His goal is to get Part 1 out in two weeks, but that may not happen. God damn it Chris, I was joking when I said late February! Stop making my jokes a reality!
Chris is also working on another I Rate the 80's. Yeah, only been 11 months since the last one.... and this is the show that people "tolerate".
He also brings up that the weather has been an issue. Why? I mean, I know it's been really shitty outside (Illinois here), but you do everything on green screen. I don't even remember the last time you did an outside shoot. Was it E.T.?
After he finishes the story arc, he wants to focus attention towards more I Rate the 80's and History of Video Games (cute, you still think this will work), and then a contest at the end of the month.
So yeah, we're once again in for a loooooooooong wait!
Might as well bring up something I've started noticing. Chris' "eye for quality", in that he has none.
I could bring up his complete praise of his iOS game, but I'll let that slide as that's his own game, it would make sense he'd want to praise in the hopes it gets sales. Too bad you can't get the game anymore. *checks app store* Still gone. I love how Bores (rather his "mom") claims it's a licensing issue and that it will be back up soon. Is that why Mad Media Lab's other iOS game is still there?
However, Chris' lack of quality control really came forward from an article he posted on his site today. Promoting an "8-bit Skylander game". It's a fan made flash game created by TDDGames (who I later found out is The Titanium Drago, a frequent poster at GotGame... hmmmmmmmm).
Bores said the game was great. So out of masochistic curiosity, I decided to play it. Is Bores' brain that drugged by Skylanders that he found some sort of quality in this?
First off, "8-Bit" is being fucking nice. This looks like a low-end Atari 2600 game, characters aren't animated at all, only have a single sprite (Spyro faces left the entire time) and is painful to look at.
The music, dear lord the music. Instead of looking up some 8-Bit Skylanders remixes or creating his own, Drago decided to use 8-Bit remixes of other games like Team Fortress 2 and Sonic the Hedgehog, and he found the worst possible remixes as it's all squealing and piercing. There's a thing called audio balance!
The gameplay is just as atrocious too. You just move around dodging enemies, it's all the same enemy only colored differently. That's it, that's the entire game.
Bores reported that his high score was 30. I managed to get double that without doing anything! Yeah, I just sat in the corner and most of the enemies missed me. Is this a prank?
My point is, Chris is willing to throw out any possible criticism if it's slightly connected to something he loves. Have some fucking standards! Then again, Chris isn't a gamer, he never was a gamer. Otherwise he would see simple flaws in game design, or be able to appreciate good games better, and not do idiotic things like play only an hour of a game and think that's good enough for a review!
Back to Dark Souls.
EDIT: Wow! My informant just found something really interesting.
Yesterday, Bores posted an image of a big wave. ... Seriously.
A user called Archon posted a very negative comment about it, berating Bores for posting boring shit instead of something interesting. I agree.
However, something scary happened. The comment wasn't erased, it was altered! Archon's angry comment was changed to "This is interesting".
So instead of deleting hate comments, Bores modifies them to make them sound nice. Chris, you Orwellian fuckhead! This is why the "haters" do what they do, because you refuse to accept criticism. You live in your little bubble blocking everything that goes against you, and pretend that everything is okay. Guess what Chris, everything is NOT okay. You burned every possible bridge you have, you are a shell of your former self, most people consider you irrelevant now, and you refuse to adapt to modern YouTube standards. Is it any wonder that you barely get views now?!
Chris, grow up!
Hm? Bores has a new a video up? Is it a review?
No... no... it's just an update vlog. Might as well discuss it since NOTHING has been happening here.
Chris announces that the "finale" of the story arc will be split into two parts (I figured this would happen) and that a lot of the hard work and delays came from the use of green screen as the "entire episode" will be in front of it. *looks at other reviewers that use lots of green screen but still get plenty of videos out* Yeah whatever.
His goal is to get Part 1 out in two weeks, but that may not happen. God damn it Chris, I was joking when I said late February! Stop making my jokes a reality!
Chris is also working on another I Rate the 80's. Yeah, only been 11 months since the last one.... and this is the show that people "tolerate".
He also brings up that the weather has been an issue. Why? I mean, I know it's been really shitty outside (Illinois here), but you do everything on green screen. I don't even remember the last time you did an outside shoot. Was it E.T.?
After he finishes the story arc, he wants to focus attention towards more I Rate the 80's and History of Video Games (cute, you still think this will work), and then a contest at the end of the month.
So yeah, we're once again in for a loooooooooong wait!
Might as well bring up something I've started noticing. Chris' "eye for quality", in that he has none.
I could bring up his complete praise of his iOS game, but I'll let that slide as that's his own game, it would make sense he'd want to praise in the hopes it gets sales. Too bad you can't get the game anymore. *checks app store* Still gone. I love how Bores (rather his "mom") claims it's a licensing issue and that it will be back up soon. Is that why Mad Media Lab's other iOS game is still there?
However, Chris' lack of quality control really came forward from an article he posted on his site today. Promoting an "8-bit Skylander game". It's a fan made flash game created by TDDGames (who I later found out is The Titanium Drago, a frequent poster at GotGame... hmmmmmmmm).
Bores said the game was great. So out of masochistic curiosity, I decided to play it. Is Bores' brain that drugged by Skylanders that he found some sort of quality in this?
First off, "8-Bit" is being fucking nice. This looks like a low-end Atari 2600 game, characters aren't animated at all, only have a single sprite (Spyro faces left the entire time) and is painful to look at.
The music, dear lord the music. Instead of looking up some 8-Bit Skylanders remixes or creating his own, Drago decided to use 8-Bit remixes of other games like Team Fortress 2 and Sonic the Hedgehog, and he found the worst possible remixes as it's all squealing and piercing. There's a thing called audio balance!
The gameplay is just as atrocious too. You just move around dodging enemies, it's all the same enemy only colored differently. That's it, that's the entire game.
Bores reported that his high score was 30. I managed to get double that without doing anything! Yeah, I just sat in the corner and most of the enemies missed me. Is this a prank?
My point is, Chris is willing to throw out any possible criticism if it's slightly connected to something he loves. Have some fucking standards! Then again, Chris isn't a gamer, he never was a gamer. Otherwise he would see simple flaws in game design, or be able to appreciate good games better, and not do idiotic things like play only an hour of a game and think that's good enough for a review!
Back to Dark Souls.
EDIT: Wow! My informant just found something really interesting.
Yesterday, Bores posted an image of a big wave. ... Seriously.
A user called Archon posted a very negative comment about it, berating Bores for posting boring shit instead of something interesting. I agree.
However, something scary happened. The comment wasn't erased, it was altered! Archon's angry comment was changed to "This is interesting".
So instead of deleting hate comments, Bores modifies them to make them sound nice. Chris, you Orwellian fuckhead! This is why the "haters" do what they do, because you refuse to accept criticism. You live in your little bubble blocking everything that goes against you, and pretend that everything is okay. Guess what Chris, everything is NOT okay. You burned every possible bridge you have, you are a shell of your former self, most people consider you irrelevant now, and you refuse to adapt to modern YouTube standards. Is it any wonder that you barely get views now?!
Chris, grow up!
Monday, January 27, 2014
Sit Back and Relax, We're In For a Looooooong Wait
It's been a while since IG posted something new, nearing three weeks since the last thing was yet another Skylanders video.
And it looks like we're going to have to wait even longer now, as he reported on Facebook (thanks to my informant for letting me know) that he's running into obstacles left and right and there will be delays. How do his fans tolerate these long waits? He doesn't even make side videos or shorter reviews, it's just weeks and weeks of waiting.
I'm betting late February at the earliest.
Also, a fan mentioned Arkham Origins (something about the voice actors that anyone interested in the game knew about already) and Bores responded that he didn't play it because "he was on the review list, but they passed him over". ... Really? You gush about the game at E3, you make endless posts about it on your site, and yet when the game comes out, you don't say anything about it and months later remark that you didn't play it because you didn't get if for free. Greedy idiot...
If you were really such a huge Batman fan that you claim to be, a "Batman purist" as you once said, and a Black Mask fan, you would have bought the game Day 1. Instead, you're upset you didn't get a "review copy" since you seem to think you're so important. Maybe you should consider that you're nothing more than an amateur, and that you should probably invest money into buying games for this show? As far as I know, it's still your only source of income. Unbelievable.
And it looks like we're going to have to wait even longer now, as he reported on Facebook (thanks to my informant for letting me know) that he's running into obstacles left and right and there will be delays. How do his fans tolerate these long waits? He doesn't even make side videos or shorter reviews, it's just weeks and weeks of waiting.
I'm betting late February at the earliest.
Also, a fan mentioned Arkham Origins (something about the voice actors that anyone interested in the game knew about already) and Bores responded that he didn't play it because "he was on the review list, but they passed him over". ... Really? You gush about the game at E3, you make endless posts about it on your site, and yet when the game comes out, you don't say anything about it and months later remark that you didn't play it because you didn't get if for free. Greedy idiot...
If you were really such a huge Batman fan that you claim to be, a "Batman purist" as you once said, and a Black Mask fan, you would have bought the game Day 1. Instead, you're upset you didn't get a "review copy" since you seem to think you're so important. Maybe you should consider that you're nothing more than an amateur, and that you should probably invest money into buying games for this show? As far as I know, it's still your only source of income. Unbelievable.
Saturday, January 25, 2014
R.I.P Justin "JewWario" Carmical
This majorly sucks...
Justin's wife Jenny reported on Facebook that on Thursday, he committed suicide.
My heart goes out to his family and friends.
*sighs*
Justin's wife Jenny reported on Facebook that on Thursday, he committed suicide.
My heart goes out to his family and friends.
*sighs*
Tuesday, January 7, 2014
Starting Off the Year with Boring. How Can You Make Lego Marvel Boring?!
It’s 2014 everyone!
Hope all my Midwest readers are staying warm from this massive blast of winter.
I know Bores is suffering as well, my Facebook informant told me he posted about the cold. I guess this means that we won’t get any videos until next month. Yeah I know this post was short but…. There’s something new at GotGame? Shit.
Well now, we have our first review of 2014. Lego Marvel Super Heroes, only three months after it came out. Or two months if he’s going to talk about the PS4 or XB1 version. Going by the derpy title card, it will be the PS3 version.
Also, Bores gets the title wrong for some reason. He calls it “Lego Marvel Universe Super Heroes”. There’s no “universe”, that just makes things a little too long. I guess reading the box is hard work.
0:06 - 0:20: The video begins with IG behind his desk, with a bunch of Lego Marvel figures standing in front of him. I really don’t get why he needs to buy the figures when he does a Lego video game review, about 99% of the people that would review these games see no need to.
“How does this one STACK UP? Let’s check it out” Could your line-reading be anymore forced? How has your acting gotten worse?
0:21 - 0:41: “If you loved Lego Batman 2, then you’ll love this” *takes a shot* Fuck that’s bitter.
Improvement on the last game, roaming around NYC… next.
0:42 - 1:03: He goes over the storyline, about Doctor Doom “kep-turing” Silver Surfer and teaming up with other villains.
“It’s your typical comic book story, only in Lego form” Ya don’t say. I thought that a Lego game about Marvel Super Heroes would be about politics.
1:03 - 1:47: He goes over the different worlds, and how they’re all Marvel related. Zzz
He brings up that each character has their own role to play. Okay, what are these roles? … Not going to explain huh?
He mentions easter eggs, and the massive roster of characters, including the ability to play as the Statue of Liberty. Meh, I’d prefer if it was the Weeping Angel Statue of Liberty. Also, no mention of playable Stan “The Man” Lee? Come on son!
1:48 - 2:21: He mentions the characters all have different moves, but won’t say what they are. He brings up that Spider-Man’s web-slinging is really good, and that other games have a hard time pulling it off. Go play Spider-Man 2 for PS2/Gamecube/Xbox, that does it beautifully.
He also calls the cutscenes “animatics” for some reason. You really need to learn your video game terminology.
Onto the final verdict.
He liked it a lot, mentions “oozing on the couch and being lazy”, brings up that it’s good for kids (new drinking game rule, I expect we’ll see him say that a lot now that he has little brats in his life), and that his only issue is that many of the in-game characters aren’t real Lego figures, and he’s also mad that he doesn’t have the entire Justice League
“It makes me very irate” You can tell how irate I am by my bored tone of voice. Grrrrrr.
Oh the video ends with a random appearance from Lego Deadpool. Whatever.
Boring boring boring zzzzzzzzzzzz
A generic way to start 2014. His descriptions of the game were extremely vague, never going over the “different roles” or “different moves”. Also, why doesn't Bores make videos about the actual Lego figures? There’s an audience for that, and he’s obviously bleeding views. Then again, Chris’ video ADD is so bad that a series about Lego is the last thing he should do. I don’t know…
Keep warm everyone.
Hope all my Midwest readers are staying warm from this massive blast of winter.
I know Bores is suffering as well, my Facebook informant told me he posted about the cold. I guess this means that we won’t get any videos until next month. Yeah I know this post was short but…. There’s something new at GotGame? Shit.
Well now, we have our first review of 2014. Lego Marvel Super Heroes, only three months after it came out. Or two months if he’s going to talk about the PS4 or XB1 version. Going by the derpy title card, it will be the PS3 version.
Also, Bores gets the title wrong for some reason. He calls it “Lego Marvel Universe Super Heroes”. There’s no “universe”, that just makes things a little too long. I guess reading the box is hard work.
0:06 - 0:20: The video begins with IG behind his desk, with a bunch of Lego Marvel figures standing in front of him. I really don’t get why he needs to buy the figures when he does a Lego video game review, about 99% of the people that would review these games see no need to.
“How does this one STACK UP? Let’s check it out” Could your line-reading be anymore forced? How has your acting gotten worse?
0:21 - 0:41: “If you loved Lego Batman 2, then you’ll love this” *takes a shot* Fuck that’s bitter.
Improvement on the last game, roaming around NYC… next.
0:42 - 1:03: He goes over the storyline, about Doctor Doom “kep-turing” Silver Surfer and teaming up with other villains.
“It’s your typical comic book story, only in Lego form” Ya don’t say. I thought that a Lego game about Marvel Super Heroes would be about politics.
1:03 - 1:47: He goes over the different worlds, and how they’re all Marvel related. Zzz
He brings up that each character has their own role to play. Okay, what are these roles? … Not going to explain huh?
He mentions easter eggs, and the massive roster of characters, including the ability to play as the Statue of Liberty. Meh, I’d prefer if it was the Weeping Angel Statue of Liberty. Also, no mention of playable Stan “The Man” Lee? Come on son!
1:48 - 2:21: He mentions the characters all have different moves, but won’t say what they are. He brings up that Spider-Man’s web-slinging is really good, and that other games have a hard time pulling it off. Go play Spider-Man 2 for PS2/Gamecube/Xbox, that does it beautifully.
He also calls the cutscenes “animatics” for some reason. You really need to learn your video game terminology.
Onto the final verdict.
He liked it a lot, mentions “oozing on the couch and being lazy”, brings up that it’s good for kids (new drinking game rule, I expect we’ll see him say that a lot now that he has little brats in his life), and that his only issue is that many of the in-game characters aren’t real Lego figures, and he’s also mad that he doesn’t have the entire Justice League
“It makes me very irate” You can tell how irate I am by my bored tone of voice. Grrrrrr.
Oh the video ends with a random appearance from Lego Deadpool. Whatever.
Boring boring boring zzzzzzzzzzzz
A generic way to start 2014. His descriptions of the game were extremely vague, never going over the “different roles” or “different moves”. Also, why doesn't Bores make videos about the actual Lego figures? There’s an audience for that, and he’s obviously bleeding views. Then again, Chris’ video ADD is so bad that a series about Lego is the last thing he should do. I don’t know…
Keep warm everyone.
Tuesday, December 31, 2013
Year End List: Top 8 Worst IG Moments of 2013
Another year has come to a close, and that means it’s list time!
This wasn’t easy as this year was a whole lot of nothing. Chris’ inactivity was so bad that I couldn’t even make a Top 10. Either that or the videos were so boring and generic that there wasn’t much to say.
Despite this, 2013 really was his worst year. Let’s go over it.
You’re probably expecting the tally aren’t you… that’s not going to happen this year. Honestly, I lost count after a while since everything just started running together and I partly stopped caring. I’ll try again next year, hopefully things won’t be so… samey. I did count the major videos though so that’s something.
8, All the side series are essentially dead.
It’s no secret that Bores has trouble focusing on one or two projects at a time. He’s created so many side-series that it takes months for a major review to come out. … Well, that was last year at least.
2013 saw only a single I Rate the 80’s video back in March, and not a single History of Video Games episode (the revised episode doesn’t count, there is no reason for that to exist). IG Shorts is long dead, and only a single movie review (Man of Steel).
I would say he’s finally taking his time to focus on his reviews… but the rest of the list says otherwise.
7. Sonic Lost Hurl
IG Neo was about as active as it usually is, with six episode this year. Most of them were just boring or inoffensive though, so it was tough to pick the worst one for this list. It was between Diablo III and Sonic Lost World, but I went with Sonic for a simple reason. I don’t think he played the game.
Calling his Sonic Lost World video a “review” is being generous, the entire video was an off-the-cuff vlog with footage playing where Chris only complains about one thing, the game gave him motion sickness. That’s it. Nothing on controls, nothing on gameplay, nothing on sound, just the fact it made him sick.
So why do I think he didn’t play the game? When he held it up on camera, one can see it’s still in the shrink wrap. So either he didn’t play the game, or he played the digital copy for some weird reason. Either way, it sounds more like he watched videos of it online and couldn’t stand it.
It also had one of his dumbest research mistakes, his claim that Sony and Microsoft “didn’t want the game on their console”, even though it’s part of a 3-game deal between Nintendo and Sega. He even reported the deal on his site back when it began!
Chris has had a history of claiming that games have been giving him motion sickness. He mentioned he barely played Doom because of that, he often mentions getting “Vertigo” when playing certain games (specifically, Contra III and Cool Spot), he often brings up that he doesn’t like shooters because they make him dizzy, and that the flying in Lego Batman 2 made him sick. I really have to wonder why Bores chose to take this career path if most games out there make him sick. If we consider he was never a gamer before 2007, why didn’t he stop when he realized that most games were making him sick? It just raises too many questions.
6. Baka Sentai Ge-Mas (later adapted into Power Rangers Gaming Dumbasses)
2013 was surprisingly active for his retro reviews, four in total. The first three were less reviews and more like condensed walkthroughs/Let’s Plays that still got things wrong, with the usual terrible jokes and cutaways. All three also felt rushed to get out in time for a Hollywood blockbuster release, and all three lacked any of the stupid storyline he’s been doing for over three years now. They also felt like a “return to form”, which isn’t saying much.
That is why this moment goes to the fourth review, Mighty Morphin Power Rangers for the SNES.
The “review” is spent bashing what’s really a pretty decent game, all for petty reasons that were clearly reaching. Often complaining about aspects that are similar to the show (and yes he also did complain about how it differed from the show). A complete mess of a review littered with his pointless characters.
The story part though… wow. The villains unleash their giant HAL-bot into “the city” (no I don’t know what city, probably Cleveland since Bores lives in Ohio) and… good lord these effects. Toei should take that footage and show it to their set designers and effects workers on how NOT to do a Super Sentai giant scene.
And the worst part is? There’s still one storyline video left! How the hell did this take over three years? How many story arcs did Linkara complete in that span of time? Watch, the ending is going to be complete bullshit, just like it usually is with Chris.
5. IG turns his homepage into a blog, with pointless results.
IG’s website was just… there. It occasionally updated with “I’m working on something” and “This video is going to be epic”, but most of the time the site was just empty air (though it provide us with April 31st). That all changed in July of this year.
IG’s site changed from an MS word layout to a Wordpress blog funded by GotGame (who I imagine are regretting this immensely). Now Bores can tell us all sorts of gaming news like… this Mario video he found, and this Zelda video he found, and this Street Fighter video he found, and this Zelda picture he found, and this stuff related to Breaking Ba- that’s not even a game!
So yeah, the new site was less Kotaku and more “Chris Bores finds random shit and posts it for a couple people to see”. Not that it stopped him from stealing from Kotaku.
I tried covering it every week, but after a while I noticed how tedious it was. How every article was essentially the same again and again and again. Even his constant spelling and grammar mistakes couldn’t motivate me to keep going.
It does warm my heart that Bores almost never gets comments on his posts. Time to rethink this strategy? … Pffffft.
4. Too. Much. Skylanders.
Chris’ obsession with the toyetic franchise reached a boiling point this year. Every other article on the above site is Skylanders related, most of his videos were talking about Skylanders, and his longest E3 video was an “epic” interview with Activision reps about Swap Force (22 minutes compared to every other game getting like four). Not to mention Vicarious Visions flew him to New York to give him a Skylanders tour. You could almost forget that the Irate Gamer once talked about other games.
As you can imagine, his fans were not happy. The comments were always people bringing up how tired they are of Skylanders and to do something else, or to make a separate channel for the franchise since he clearly loves it so much. At one point, Chris even acknowledged that he was aware of overabundance of Skylanders. Did that stop him? Oh I wish.
Instead, he posted a 6 minute stop-motion video that can be called “uninspired and boring”. They’re statues! They’re a terrible figure to use for stop-motion animation!
I’m just waiting for the day when the public gets tired of Skylanders, it happens with every Activision franchise. It happened with Tony Hawk, it happened with Guitar Hero, and it’s starting to happen with Call of Duty (Ghosts sold a lot less than BLOPS 2)
3. Pursuit of the Bankruptcy
Chris surprised us last year when he announced the return of Haunted Investigators, a series thought long dead (even by Chris himself if his 200th video was anything to go by). But like a 12 year old troll during summer vacation, it came back with a vengeance.
Instead of a TV show, it would be a movie, and it would now be called “Pursuit of the Paranormal”. After showing a trailer around Halloween 2012, Chris went silent on it. Until September of this year.
That’s when the bullshit started. Chris revealed that he dumped his entire bank account into this movie, going to TV conventions and talking to various networks trying to get it on air. He listed Discovery, TruTV, History Channel, and SyFy, and all turned him down. SyFy even told him that “nobody is watching ghost hunting shows anymore” (Chris should have invested in making a schlock-y B-movie with a stupid title, it always works for the Asylum). You would think Chris would take that as a sign to shelve the project, but apparently he cares for this far more than video games. Hell, he would constantly claim this would change the “paranormal world” forever, and that he got a “90 minute conversation with the dead”.
Instead, Chris rented out an old theater in Toledo Ohio for one night to show the movie, as well as have a “genuine ghost hunt” in said theater. He was so proud of this that he even went on local news and radio to promote it (which you can see on his YouTube channel).
So what happened? The obvious, very few people actually came. Reportedly around 20-30 in total, likely a lot less for the ghost hunt. I think Chris knew this wouldn’t be a good turnout as he advertised it on his YouTube channel as “Meet the Irate Gamer”. Even though it had nothing to do with video games and he probably wouldn’t have fielded questions about IG.
The other big mistake is that he scheduled the premiere on October 12th, the same day as the release of the highly anticipated Pokemon X & Y. Considering he advertised it on his YouTube channel, one mostly watched by gamers, this was definitely a bone-headed move.
Of course if you couldn’t make it to the premiere, worry not, there’s a DVD available. And Shawn from TotalActionAdventure has reviewed it: http://www.totalactionadventure.com/content/are-they-worth-it-dvds-internet-15-pursuit-paranormal
Turns out that the movie’s claim of a 90 minute conversation was a lie as the movie is only 54 minutes long. About the same time as an hour-long TV show with limited commercial interruption. Well, he did say he wanted to get it on TV…
And unsurprisingly, Chris found nothing, and was just talking out of his ass when he claimed it would change everything forever. Unless it makes more sense to people actually interested in this crap.
Like Skylanders, maybe Chris should make a separate channel for all this ghost hunting stuff. … Oh wait, he did! Y2B2006, long before he created the Irate Gamer. I wonder what happened there? Hmmmmmmmmmm.
2. The Irate Gamer Game has arriv- and it’s gone.
Long-delayed projects seem to be a running theme with Chris Bores, such as the “Irate Gamer Game”.
Announced back in 2010 or so, the game was the butt of many jokes, mostly on how it will never come out and that the studio, Mad Media Labs, was clearly scamming Chris. It never even left the concept art stage! But like Pursuit of the Blah, it re-emerged. Around the same time a certain other reviewer was having a game about them being released.
So without a peep, the Irate Gamer Game was released on the iTunes App Store in August, with Chris taking A MONTH to announce it on his channel. For $4 dollars (eventually slashed to $1), you could get 52 levels of platforming hell. Oh, I don’t mean good platforming hell like Super Meat Boy or Cloudberry Kingdom. I mean poorly programmed TOUCH SCREEN hell where you can’t even jump and shoot at the same time.
And that’s just the start of the game’s issues. The animations are terrible, there’s no enemy variety (three HAL-bots and ROB), despite the controls looking like a D-Pad you can only go left or right, there’s ladders for absolutely no reason, you can’t tell what’s background and what’s a wall, IG has a hang glider for some reason, there’s a pointless blood effect every time he gets hit, health power-ups are too plentiful, there’s no checkpoints, the list just goes on and on. Hell, the only positive most people can think of is the artwork in the comic-book style cut scenes is pretty good, too bad it’s attached to a lame-ass story that makes more pointless references than Duke Nukem.
Two months after release, another major problem with the game arose, it’s unoriginal! Specifically, it’s a reskin of another iOS game called Commander Cool. The developers do sell the assets to willing game-makers, but with the intention that they make something original. Mad Media Labs brought the assets and slapped on various Irate Gamer related characters. Some of the above flaws were carry-overs from the source game (such as the hang-glider and the blood). Considering how poorly-coded the game is, one wonders if this was done in a weekend.
By far the weirdest aspect is Chris constantly claiming that the game is “like Angry Birds”. Has he ever actually played Angry Birds? The two are nothing alike. He could have said it was like Mario or Contra, but instead he chose something that was far from similar. Maybe he just heard it was popular and hoped the comparison would get people to buy it? Didn’t exactly work out there…
Three months after release, the game vanished from the App Store. It was almost too good to be true, but it’s really gone. Three years in “development”, three months of life. Most likely scenario is that Apple did a quality sweep and the game was removed for being crap, and I really can’t blame them. As of this posting, it’s still not there. Good.
Man, I bet the fans were disappointed that it’s gone. Surprisingly, no. Most people commented on IG’s video that it looks like a really bad flash game, the people that did play said it sucked hard, and some were upset that it wasn’t available on Android (you weren’t missing out).
I do wonder if Chris learned something from this experience. Like the importance of not rushing a game out, or doing a background check on the studio you commissioned to make a game, or wonder why the fuck it took three years to make a shitty platformer?!
1. “I don’t feel like doing anything for weeks at a time, I’ll still make money right?”
IG’s worst moment of 2013 wasn’t for something he did, rather it was for doing nothing.
Last year he claimed 2013 would be “his year”. That did not happen. In fact, this year was by far his laziest, with weeks where nothing new would be posted. To Chris, there’s no such thing as a schedule.
His Neo reviews were filled with the usual laziness (outside of Disney Infinity), none of his side series were posted (as mentioned above), and his idea of a Christmas special was posting a two year old video with added bloopers. Okay that Skylanders stop-motion video was also a Christmas special, but it had nothing to do with Irate Gamer. He could have at least done a review.
The question is, why the laziness? Isn’t this his job? He can’t be making money by posting such little content and barely getting views from it. Until he says something about another job outside of YouTube, I’m going to assume this is how he makes a living. If so, he’s going to crash in 2014. With YouTube’s screwed up “content ID” changes, Chris’ complete lack of understanding of the gaming world and YouTube community, and his refusal to change course and direction, I can’t see Chris surviving 2014.
If Chris was smart, he would have started doing Let’s Plays a looooong time ago. Before you bring up that he’s not good at games, that hasn’t stopped other people from making careers of doing poor playthroughs *cough*DSP*cough*
If full playthroughs are too tough, then he could always do what Two Best Friends Play or Cinemassacre do, only show the best moments.
The point is, if Bores wants to keep making money, he needs to stop being a lazy-ass and put out more content. He’s had so many excuses, and none of them hold water (my favorite is his claim that he’s a perfectionist… yeah right!) Then again, doing it solely for the money is the easiest way to not enjoy it. The best course of action is to give up, sever ties with the Irate Gamer channel, and start a new one for something he actually enjoys. Or get a job outside of YouTube, either way I don't see that happening.
*sighs* And that was IG’s 2013. It didn’t feel like much did it?
What do you think next year will bring? Hopefully the end of that god damn story arc, you just know he’s been making this shit up as he went along. Maybe the return of the Wise Sage?
I do expect Neo reviews of Donkey Kong Country Tropical Freeze (*insert Cranky Kong meme here*) and South Park: The Stick of Truth. Because Bores is just that predictable.
Happy new year everyone, see you all in 2014.
This wasn’t easy as this year was a whole lot of nothing. Chris’ inactivity was so bad that I couldn’t even make a Top 10. Either that or the videos were so boring and generic that there wasn’t much to say.
Despite this, 2013 really was his worst year. Let’s go over it.
You’re probably expecting the tally aren’t you… that’s not going to happen this year. Honestly, I lost count after a while since everything just started running together and I partly stopped caring. I’ll try again next year, hopefully things won’t be so… samey. I did count the major videos though so that’s something.
8, All the side series are essentially dead.
It’s no secret that Bores has trouble focusing on one or two projects at a time. He’s created so many side-series that it takes months for a major review to come out. … Well, that was last year at least.
2013 saw only a single I Rate the 80’s video back in March, and not a single History of Video Games episode (the revised episode doesn’t count, there is no reason for that to exist). IG Shorts is long dead, and only a single movie review (Man of Steel).
I would say he’s finally taking his time to focus on his reviews… but the rest of the list says otherwise.
7. Sonic Lost Hurl
IG Neo was about as active as it usually is, with six episode this year. Most of them were just boring or inoffensive though, so it was tough to pick the worst one for this list. It was between Diablo III and Sonic Lost World, but I went with Sonic for a simple reason. I don’t think he played the game.
Calling his Sonic Lost World video a “review” is being generous, the entire video was an off-the-cuff vlog with footage playing where Chris only complains about one thing, the game gave him motion sickness. That’s it. Nothing on controls, nothing on gameplay, nothing on sound, just the fact it made him sick.
So why do I think he didn’t play the game? When he held it up on camera, one can see it’s still in the shrink wrap. So either he didn’t play the game, or he played the digital copy for some weird reason. Either way, it sounds more like he watched videos of it online and couldn’t stand it.
It also had one of his dumbest research mistakes, his claim that Sony and Microsoft “didn’t want the game on their console”, even though it’s part of a 3-game deal between Nintendo and Sega. He even reported the deal on his site back when it began!
Chris has had a history of claiming that games have been giving him motion sickness. He mentioned he barely played Doom because of that, he often mentions getting “Vertigo” when playing certain games (specifically, Contra III and Cool Spot), he often brings up that he doesn’t like shooters because they make him dizzy, and that the flying in Lego Batman 2 made him sick. I really have to wonder why Bores chose to take this career path if most games out there make him sick. If we consider he was never a gamer before 2007, why didn’t he stop when he realized that most games were making him sick? It just raises too many questions.
6. Baka Sentai Ge-Mas (later adapted into Power Rangers Gaming Dumbasses)
2013 was surprisingly active for his retro reviews, four in total. The first three were less reviews and more like condensed walkthroughs/Let’s Plays that still got things wrong, with the usual terrible jokes and cutaways. All three also felt rushed to get out in time for a Hollywood blockbuster release, and all three lacked any of the stupid storyline he’s been doing for over three years now. They also felt like a “return to form”, which isn’t saying much.
That is why this moment goes to the fourth review, Mighty Morphin Power Rangers for the SNES.
The “review” is spent bashing what’s really a pretty decent game, all for petty reasons that were clearly reaching. Often complaining about aspects that are similar to the show (and yes he also did complain about how it differed from the show). A complete mess of a review littered with his pointless characters.
The story part though… wow. The villains unleash their giant HAL-bot into “the city” (no I don’t know what city, probably Cleveland since Bores lives in Ohio) and… good lord these effects. Toei should take that footage and show it to their set designers and effects workers on how NOT to do a Super Sentai giant scene.
And the worst part is? There’s still one storyline video left! How the hell did this take over three years? How many story arcs did Linkara complete in that span of time? Watch, the ending is going to be complete bullshit, just like it usually is with Chris.
5. IG turns his homepage into a blog, with pointless results.
IG’s website was just… there. It occasionally updated with “I’m working on something” and “This video is going to be epic”, but most of the time the site was just empty air (though it provide us with April 31st). That all changed in July of this year.
IG’s site changed from an MS word layout to a Wordpress blog funded by GotGame (who I imagine are regretting this immensely). Now Bores can tell us all sorts of gaming news like… this Mario video he found, and this Zelda video he found, and this Street Fighter video he found, and this Zelda picture he found, and this stuff related to Breaking Ba- that’s not even a game!
So yeah, the new site was less Kotaku and more “Chris Bores finds random shit and posts it for a couple people to see”. Not that it stopped him from stealing from Kotaku.
I tried covering it every week, but after a while I noticed how tedious it was. How every article was essentially the same again and again and again. Even his constant spelling and grammar mistakes couldn’t motivate me to keep going.
It does warm my heart that Bores almost never gets comments on his posts. Time to rethink this strategy? … Pffffft.
4. Too. Much. Skylanders.
Chris’ obsession with the toyetic franchise reached a boiling point this year. Every other article on the above site is Skylanders related, most of his videos were talking about Skylanders, and his longest E3 video was an “epic” interview with Activision reps about Swap Force (22 minutes compared to every other game getting like four). Not to mention Vicarious Visions flew him to New York to give him a Skylanders tour. You could almost forget that the Irate Gamer once talked about other games.
As you can imagine, his fans were not happy. The comments were always people bringing up how tired they are of Skylanders and to do something else, or to make a separate channel for the franchise since he clearly loves it so much. At one point, Chris even acknowledged that he was aware of overabundance of Skylanders. Did that stop him? Oh I wish.
Instead, he posted a 6 minute stop-motion video that can be called “uninspired and boring”. They’re statues! They’re a terrible figure to use for stop-motion animation!
I’m just waiting for the day when the public gets tired of Skylanders, it happens with every Activision franchise. It happened with Tony Hawk, it happened with Guitar Hero, and it’s starting to happen with Call of Duty (Ghosts sold a lot less than BLOPS 2)
3. Pursuit of the Bankruptcy
Chris surprised us last year when he announced the return of Haunted Investigators, a series thought long dead (even by Chris himself if his 200th video was anything to go by). But like a 12 year old troll during summer vacation, it came back with a vengeance.
Instead of a TV show, it would be a movie, and it would now be called “Pursuit of the Paranormal”. After showing a trailer around Halloween 2012, Chris went silent on it. Until September of this year.
That’s when the bullshit started. Chris revealed that he dumped his entire bank account into this movie, going to TV conventions and talking to various networks trying to get it on air. He listed Discovery, TruTV, History Channel, and SyFy, and all turned him down. SyFy even told him that “nobody is watching ghost hunting shows anymore” (Chris should have invested in making a schlock-y B-movie with a stupid title, it always works for the Asylum). You would think Chris would take that as a sign to shelve the project, but apparently he cares for this far more than video games. Hell, he would constantly claim this would change the “paranormal world” forever, and that he got a “90 minute conversation with the dead”.
Instead, Chris rented out an old theater in Toledo Ohio for one night to show the movie, as well as have a “genuine ghost hunt” in said theater. He was so proud of this that he even went on local news and radio to promote it (which you can see on his YouTube channel).
So what happened? The obvious, very few people actually came. Reportedly around 20-30 in total, likely a lot less for the ghost hunt. I think Chris knew this wouldn’t be a good turnout as he advertised it on his YouTube channel as “Meet the Irate Gamer”. Even though it had nothing to do with video games and he probably wouldn’t have fielded questions about IG.
The other big mistake is that he scheduled the premiere on October 12th, the same day as the release of the highly anticipated Pokemon X & Y. Considering he advertised it on his YouTube channel, one mostly watched by gamers, this was definitely a bone-headed move.
Of course if you couldn’t make it to the premiere, worry not, there’s a DVD available. And Shawn from TotalActionAdventure has reviewed it: http://www.totalactionadventure.com/content/are-they-worth-it-dvds-internet-15-pursuit-paranormal
Turns out that the movie’s claim of a 90 minute conversation was a lie as the movie is only 54 minutes long. About the same time as an hour-long TV show with limited commercial interruption. Well, he did say he wanted to get it on TV…
And unsurprisingly, Chris found nothing, and was just talking out of his ass when he claimed it would change everything forever. Unless it makes more sense to people actually interested in this crap.
Like Skylanders, maybe Chris should make a separate channel for all this ghost hunting stuff. … Oh wait, he did! Y2B2006, long before he created the Irate Gamer. I wonder what happened there? Hmmmmmmmmmm.
2. The Irate Gamer Game has arriv- and it’s gone.
Long-delayed projects seem to be a running theme with Chris Bores, such as the “Irate Gamer Game”.
Announced back in 2010 or so, the game was the butt of many jokes, mostly on how it will never come out and that the studio, Mad Media Labs, was clearly scamming Chris. It never even left the concept art stage! But like Pursuit of the Blah, it re-emerged. Around the same time a certain other reviewer was having a game about them being released.
So without a peep, the Irate Gamer Game was released on the iTunes App Store in August, with Chris taking A MONTH to announce it on his channel. For $4 dollars (eventually slashed to $1), you could get 52 levels of platforming hell. Oh, I don’t mean good platforming hell like Super Meat Boy or Cloudberry Kingdom. I mean poorly programmed TOUCH SCREEN hell where you can’t even jump and shoot at the same time.
And that’s just the start of the game’s issues. The animations are terrible, there’s no enemy variety (three HAL-bots and ROB), despite the controls looking like a D-Pad you can only go left or right, there’s ladders for absolutely no reason, you can’t tell what’s background and what’s a wall, IG has a hang glider for some reason, there’s a pointless blood effect every time he gets hit, health power-ups are too plentiful, there’s no checkpoints, the list just goes on and on. Hell, the only positive most people can think of is the artwork in the comic-book style cut scenes is pretty good, too bad it’s attached to a lame-ass story that makes more pointless references than Duke Nukem.
Two months after release, another major problem with the game arose, it’s unoriginal! Specifically, it’s a reskin of another iOS game called Commander Cool. The developers do sell the assets to willing game-makers, but with the intention that they make something original. Mad Media Labs brought the assets and slapped on various Irate Gamer related characters. Some of the above flaws were carry-overs from the source game (such as the hang-glider and the blood). Considering how poorly-coded the game is, one wonders if this was done in a weekend.
By far the weirdest aspect is Chris constantly claiming that the game is “like Angry Birds”. Has he ever actually played Angry Birds? The two are nothing alike. He could have said it was like Mario or Contra, but instead he chose something that was far from similar. Maybe he just heard it was popular and hoped the comparison would get people to buy it? Didn’t exactly work out there…
Three months after release, the game vanished from the App Store. It was almost too good to be true, but it’s really gone. Three years in “development”, three months of life. Most likely scenario is that Apple did a quality sweep and the game was removed for being crap, and I really can’t blame them. As of this posting, it’s still not there. Good.
Man, I bet the fans were disappointed that it’s gone. Surprisingly, no. Most people commented on IG’s video that it looks like a really bad flash game, the people that did play said it sucked hard, and some were upset that it wasn’t available on Android (you weren’t missing out).
I do wonder if Chris learned something from this experience. Like the importance of not rushing a game out, or doing a background check on the studio you commissioned to make a game, or wonder why the fuck it took three years to make a shitty platformer?!
1. “I don’t feel like doing anything for weeks at a time, I’ll still make money right?”
IG’s worst moment of 2013 wasn’t for something he did, rather it was for doing nothing.
Last year he claimed 2013 would be “his year”. That did not happen. In fact, this year was by far his laziest, with weeks where nothing new would be posted. To Chris, there’s no such thing as a schedule.
His Neo reviews were filled with the usual laziness (outside of Disney Infinity), none of his side series were posted (as mentioned above), and his idea of a Christmas special was posting a two year old video with added bloopers. Okay that Skylanders stop-motion video was also a Christmas special, but it had nothing to do with Irate Gamer. He could have at least done a review.
The question is, why the laziness? Isn’t this his job? He can’t be making money by posting such little content and barely getting views from it. Until he says something about another job outside of YouTube, I’m going to assume this is how he makes a living. If so, he’s going to crash in 2014. With YouTube’s screwed up “content ID” changes, Chris’ complete lack of understanding of the gaming world and YouTube community, and his refusal to change course and direction, I can’t see Chris surviving 2014.
If Chris was smart, he would have started doing Let’s Plays a looooong time ago. Before you bring up that he’s not good at games, that hasn’t stopped other people from making careers of doing poor playthroughs *cough*DSP*cough*
If full playthroughs are too tough, then he could always do what Two Best Friends Play or Cinemassacre do, only show the best moments.
The point is, if Bores wants to keep making money, he needs to stop being a lazy-ass and put out more content. He’s had so many excuses, and none of them hold water (my favorite is his claim that he’s a perfectionist… yeah right!) Then again, doing it solely for the money is the easiest way to not enjoy it. The best course of action is to give up, sever ties with the Irate Gamer channel, and start a new one for something he actually enjoys. Or get a job outside of YouTube, either way I don't see that happening.
*sighs* And that was IG’s 2013. It didn’t feel like much did it?
What do you think next year will bring? Hopefully the end of that god damn story arc, you just know he’s been making this shit up as he went along. Maybe the return of the Wise Sage?
I do expect Neo reviews of Donkey Kong Country Tropical Freeze (*insert Cranky Kong meme here*) and South Park: The Stick of Truth. Because Bores is just that predictable.
Happy new year everyone, see you all in 2014.
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