A Spooky Sugary Self-Indulgent Hallow- er February.

Hard to believe it’s been 11 months since the last I Rate the ‘80s. The hell has he been doing? Oh right, ghosts and Skylanders…
Anywho, this episode will be covering the General Mills Monster cereals (Count Chocula, Franken-Berry, Boo-Berry, and the return of Fruit Brute and Fruity Yummy Mummy)
But wait, didn’t he already cover Yummy Mummy years ago? Yes, but that was when it was discontinued, now it’s not, meaning it’s now perfectly acceptable for Bores to recycle old material (no it’s not).

Also, why is he posting this in February?! Wouldn’t this make more sense as a Halloween special? Of course, when has Bores ever been logical?

Despite the video being posted on February 21st, it was actually shortly online on February 20th but was quickly taken down. According to RndmAZN, who managed to watch the video before it was taken down, Bores kept referring to the company that made the cereals as Post, not General Mills (Post is responsible for Fruity and Cocoa Pebbles and Honeycomb, among a few others). That’s a really big fuck up to make that you can’t even get the company right.
But now, it’s back online, and hoo boy this looks like it will hurt. It’s a long episode too at 7:23.

Let’s go.

Intro: Surprisingly, this isn’t another “I Rate the ‘70s” considering that’s when four of the five cereals were introduced.

0:05 - 1:01: “It’s also been requested by you the fans” Ha! That’s adorable, still thinking you have fans.
Here goes the history… at least he refers to them as General Mills now. Also, weird stock footage of people in a business meeting.
He starts with Count Chocula, brings up how it’s full of chocolate, and that it’s so good you’ll say … then suddenly Sonny, the mascot of Cocoa Puffs, shows up and yells “Cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs”. Um… why? Then Bores punches him because he falls back on violence when he has no real punchline. This is going to be a loooong video.

1:02 - 1:17: He moves onto Franken-Berry, and like many ignorant people claims it’s based on the monster “Frankenstein”. Once again, Frankenstein was the creator, not the monster. It’s a common misconception held by all truly stupid people. I would have accepted “this cereal is based on Frankenstein’s Monster”.
IG says the flavor comes from “Frankens” … what? “Or strawberries, I always get the two confused” Oh, it was a horrible joke. What?
Then Strawberry Shortcake shows up and is angry at him. Seriously? If this is going to be the running joke, it’s going to be a looooong video.

1:18 - 1:57: IG brings up the first commercial with the two, and how it’s about the mascots trying to one-up each other. For some reason he calls it “wacky” (you have a really weird definition of that word). Then it cuts to him eating both cereals when poorly animated versions of Count Chocula and Franken-Berry arrive and start arguing. As you can guess, Bores can’t pull off either Bela Lugosi or Boris Karloff, especially not Karloff.
Oh, and he stops the argument by saying he’s “trying to educate the viewers”. Educate… that’s a fucking riot. Bores, the only thing you can educate is how not to make a terrible YouTube series.

1:58 - 2:21: The cereals were popular, and he brings up a study by the University of Maryland  that wonders why Franken-Berry turned kid’s stool pink. Then it cuts to Cousin Joey, oh wait this is 80s so Kid Bores, looking into the toilet and going “eww” over the pink poop. Then he… touches it… then licks it and says it “tastes like berries”. Why would you do that?! Again, please tell me how he doesn’t resort to toilet humor! Anyone that claims this is lying or in complete denial!

2:21 - 2:49: IG then moves on to the third Monster cereal. Then for no reason, Ronnie shows up and asks if it’s a skeleton cereal. Why? What’s the point?
Then Boo-Berry shows up bringing the box, and pushes Ronnie. And yes, Bores can’t pull off Peter Lorre either.
He mentions it’s blueberry flavored and the marshmallows are blue. Then a bunch of animated Boo-Berry ghosts rise from the cere- IS THAT WISE SAGE?! Holy crap, his first appearance in over two years! And it’s a stupid cameo involving Boo-Berry. Nice to see you treat the best character on the show with so much respect Chris. Though, considering Chris made this at the same time as the story finale, maybe Wise Sage will be showing up there? I can’t imagine he’d redeem it though…

2:50 - 3:30: He brings up the commercials now adding Boo-Berry to the argument, and how he would scare the other two away.
Then it cuts to IG when… *sighs* the god damn Scooby Doo gang. Why?!
Fred claims he heard they have a ghost problem. I’m sure Chris wishes that was true, then “Pursuit of the Paranormal” would have been successful. IG shoos them away, when one of those knock-off Scooby Doo gangs show up. I don’t know which one, there were so many. Then the Harlem Globetrotters, causing IG to face palm. Then Dynomutt shows up for literally no reason, complete with laugh track. My God, this is the most Family Guy-esque episode he’s ever done. So many pointless fucking cameos! No wonder this shit is over seven minutes, it’s packed with filler!

3:31 - 4:37: The cereals continued to be successful, leading to GM to release another one year later. Actually, Fruit Brute was released in 1975, not 1974. Then again, he thought Post made the cereals before fixing that so clearly he doesn’t care.
Ronnie shows up again asking about skeleton cereal (ugggggh), then Fruit Brute shows up to bring the box. I’d comment on the voice, but I have no idea who Fruit Brute is supposed to be imitating.
He mispronounces Werewolf (Werewoof) and shows the commercials. He notes that Fruit Brute wasn’t popular enough to appear in more of them, and brings up that “10 years later” (actually 9) it was discontinued. Chris showcases this by making Fruit Brute explode. That’s not the same thing as disappearing…
Boo-Berry retorts “Now that’s what I call a disappearing act”. HE EXPLODED! Chris, do you even read your own script?
Then Chocula and Franken-Berry show up again and they all start arguing again. Am I on a mobius strip?

4:38 - 4:53: In the 80s, he brings up that the commercials dropped the “cartoon cel-shaded look”. That’s not what cel-shading is. Cel-shading is giving 3D models a “cartoon-ish” look, like Dragon Quest VIII or Wind Waker. This is obviously hand-drawn 2D animation.
He then brings up that the marshmallows were renamed “Monster-Mallows” and… a pointless appearance from the Stay-Puft Marshmallow Man. I think this is the most self-indulgent video Chris has ever done.

4:54 - 5:31: And now, the introduction of Fruity Yummy Mummy. And no, he still doesn’t say the “Fruity” part of the name.
He shows the commercial, and that for the “next 5 years” they would have four cereals, and that the cereal was discontinued in 1993. Do your math Chris, that’s 6 years. Introduced in 87, discontinued in 93.
Oh and Fruity Yummy Mummy explodes instead of disappears. I get the feeling he was going to make them disappear but felt that wasn’t “cool enough” so he made them explode.

5:31 - 6:00: IG brings up that GM tried gimmicks through the 90s until sales tapered off to the point that they would only be released seasonally. He also does a gag involving the “bright marshmallows”.
Then he arrives to 2013 and GM bringing back Fruit Brute and Fruity Yummy Mummy, along with the other three. “Vewy coo’” Wow, it’s been a while since he said that.

And now, onto the rating.
He loved Count Chocula, he liked Franken-Berry and Boo-Berry, he never had Fruit Brute but brings up that Quentin Tarantino put the box in some of his movies, and then he gets to Fruity Yummy Mummy and starts gushing. Going on how he “remembers it in da 80s”, how the first episode of I Rate the 80s was on FYM,  and how he got a ton of e-mails about it coming back. All 6 of them.
He claims that Fruity Yummy Mummy “tastes like the 80s” … what? And says that the kids watching won’t really understand what that means. I don’t think anyone but you understands what that means. Are you claiming it tastes the same? Because it doesn’t. Original FYM was fruit flavored with vanilla marshmallows (and apparently it tasted like shit from various testimonials), the new FYM is orange-cream cereal with marshmallows, and it sounds like it’s “not too bad” from people that tried it. So either you were one of the few to actually like the cereal back then, or you have no idea what you’re talking about.

The final rating is of course “Nostalgia Overload”. Shocking.

As he’s about to sign out, all five of the mascots show up and yell to try out their cereal. Then … *sighs* Ronnie shows up again and shows that he has his own cereal. “Skele-rons”. The mascots vanish (no really, next shot of Chris shows they're gone) as IG tries it (looks like generic cereal pieces and marshmallows). He says it tastes weird and asks what it’s made of. Ronnie claims it’s from his own rib cage. … Don’t you need that to live? Wait, what am I saying? Why am I bringing logic into this?
Then IG throws up and Ronnie appears in front of a bunch of spider webs to say it’s part of a balanced breakfast. Oh my god it’s finally over!

Holy crap, that was retarded!
I think this was the most self-indulgent episode Chris has ever done. So many pointless cameos, so much padding and filler, so many unfunny horrible jokes! He even gets things like years wrong. This episode wasn’t made for the fans, this was made for him and him alone.
This had to the most “Family Guy” episode he’s ever done too. I just… this was a massive train wreck. Educational my ass.
Of course, Chris goes on about how long the animation took. What animation? Outside of a couple characters, the only thing they did was move their lips.
The only good thing was Wise Sage reappearing after all this time, and even that was sad as it was barely a cameo. Poor Eric…

And yet, I get the feeling the IG story arc finale is going to be worse. Just a gut feeling really.
I’ll see you all next time.

Captain N is Crap! Craaaaaaap!

I feel like I've just been vindicated.

You may recall my "Captain N" theory about Chris correct? Here's a reminder. My theory is that Chris didn't play video games growing up, instead he watched those terrible tie-in animated shows like the Super Mario Bros. Super Show and Captain N.
I've gathered evidence overtime supporting this. He calls Bowser "Koopa" (which is his name in Japan, but in the states it was used for the Super Show), his use of Eggplant Wizard in the Tetris review (a completely disposable character if not for Captain N), he called Pit "Kid Icarus" in his Smash Bros review (Captain N made the dumb mistake of calling him Kid Icarus instead of Pit), and he hoped to see "Nintendo characters" like Mega Man, Simon Belmont and Bomberman in the next Smash Bros (the former two being main characters on Captain N... at least the Mega Man prediction came true). He also has a weird obsession with Simon Belmont being the only protagonist in Castlevania, like when he went on a rant about Harmony of Despair not including him (prior to the DLC) or how Portrait of Ruin didn't have him. I have to imagine that's not from playing the games, but from watching Captain N.

Welp, I think I got a huge piece of evidence. Over at his site.
He wrote up a post about Little Mac being the newest Smash Bros character (Slotaku), and in the text he brought up that he wants to see King Hippo too (that's not gonna happen) and hopes that Eggplant Wizard is in too for the "old school Captain N fans".
... Yeah...
Chris, you do realize that most "fans" don't really like the show now right? They watch it and see a complete insult to some of their favorite games, and atrocious animation. They liked it as kids because they were kids, and kids are stupid. Captain N's nostalgia value is really low, not even close to the levels of Batman, TMNT or Power Rangers.

But yeah, I think that only further proves my theory. I may feel vindicated... but I don't like it.

You know, I'm glad Chris never reviewed Kid Icarus Uprising. Otherwise he would whine that Eggplant Wizard isn't an important character, just a normal ass enemy. Even though that's exactly what he was in the first game, only being "popular" because of Captain N.
Here are better Kid Icarus characters that would fit in Smash Bros. Palutena, Magnus, Amazon Pandora, Arlon, Phosphera, Medusa, HADES! And maybe Viridi.

Meanwhile on Facebook!
A fan asked about Dark Souls II. He responded "I'll check it out"
Hahahahahahaha oh wow
Honestly, I would actually pay money to see him attempt Dark Souls II. Just to see all the failure come forth. Chris has no idea what he's in for if he tries it. Knowing him, he'll probably casually ask GotGame for a free copy, they won't give it to him, and he'll forget about it after buying more Skylanders.
Still, that would be hilarious.

UPDATE: He posted an article about the Koopalings in Mario Kart 8, and it only furthers to serve my theory.
He calls them the "Koopa Kids" then acts surprised that they're "now" called the Koopalings, and that he refuses to conform.
*sighs* The Koopa Kids were their names only in the cartoons. In the games it was always the Koopalings, and they were sort of considered Bowser's kids until Miyamoto retconned it a few years ago.

How can anyone think Chris is legit?

I Was Kidding When I Said Late February!

Dark Souls, Dark Souls, you're so very fun.
Hm? Bores has a new a video up? Is it a review?

No... no... it's just an update vlog. Might as well discuss it since NOTHING has been happening here.

Chris announces that the "finale" of the story arc will be split into two parts (I figured this would happen) and that a lot of the hard work and delays came from the use of green screen as the "entire episode" will be in front of it. *looks at other reviewers that use lots of green screen but still get plenty of videos out* Yeah whatever.
His goal is to get Part 1 out in two weeks, but that may not happen. God damn it Chris, I was joking when I said late February! Stop making my jokes a reality!

Chris is also working on another I Rate the 80's. Yeah, only been 11 months since the last one.... and this is the show that people "tolerate".
He also brings up that the weather has been an issue. Why? I mean, I know it's been really shitty outside (Illinois here), but you do everything on green screen. I don't even remember the last time you did an outside shoot. Was it E.T.?

After he finishes the story arc, he wants to focus attention towards more I Rate the 80's and History of Video Games (cute, you still think this will work), and then a contest at the end of the month.

So yeah, we're once again in for a loooooooooong wait!

Might as well bring up something I've started noticing. Chris' "eye for quality", in that he has none.
I could bring up his complete praise of his iOS game, but I'll let that slide as that's his own game, it would make sense he'd want to praise in the hopes it gets sales. Too bad you can't get the game anymore. *checks app store* Still gone. I love how Bores (rather his "mom") claims it's a licensing issue and that it will be back up soon. Is that why Mad Media Lab's other iOS game is still there?

However, Chris' lack of quality control really came forward from an article he posted on his site today. Promoting an "8-bit Skylander game". It's a fan made flash game created by TDDGames (who I later found out is The Titanium Drago, a frequent poster at GotGame... hmmmmmmmm).
Bores said the game was great. So out of masochistic curiosity, I decided to play it. Is Bores' brain that drugged by Skylanders that he found some sort of quality in this?

First off, "8-Bit" is being fucking nice. This looks like a low-end Atari 2600 game, characters aren't animated at all, only have a single sprite (Spyro faces left the entire time) and is painful to look at.
The music, dear lord the music. Instead of looking up some 8-Bit Skylanders remixes or creating his own, Drago decided to use 8-Bit remixes of other games like Team Fortress 2 and Sonic the Hedgehog, and he found the worst possible remixes as it's all squealing and piercing. There's a thing called audio balance!
The gameplay is just as atrocious too. You just move around dodging enemies, it's all the same enemy only colored differently. That's it, that's the entire game.
Bores reported that his high score was 30. I managed to get double that without doing anything! Yeah, I just sat in the corner and most of the enemies missed me. Is this a prank?

My point is, Chris is willing to throw out any possible criticism if it's slightly connected to something he loves. Have some fucking standards! Then again, Chris isn't a gamer, he never was a gamer. Otherwise he would see simple flaws in game design, or be able to appreciate good games better, and not do idiotic things like play only an hour of a game and think that's good enough for a review!

Back to Dark Souls.

EDIT: Wow! My informant just found something really interesting.
Yesterday, Bores posted an image of a big wave. ... Seriously.
A user called Archon posted a very negative comment about it, berating Bores for posting boring shit instead of something interesting. I agree.
However, something scary happened. The comment wasn't erased, it was altered! Archon's angry comment was changed to "This is interesting".
So instead of deleting hate comments, Bores modifies them to make them sound nice. Chris, you Orwellian fuckhead! This is why the "haters" do what they do, because you refuse to accept criticism. You live in your little bubble blocking everything that goes against you, and pretend that everything is okay. Guess what Chris, everything is NOT okay. You burned every possible bridge you have, you are a shell of your former self, most people consider you irrelevant now, and you refuse to adapt to modern YouTube standards. Is it any wonder that you barely get views now?!

Chris, grow up!