This
has been a crazy year, that cannot be denied. It almost feels like anything can
happen. That includes a crossover between the Angry Video Game Nerd and the
Irate Gamer. Something thought impossible. You would think the internet would
explode or something?
But
in actuality, the internet’s reaction was rather… muted. Outside of IG’s fans,
I saw two common reactions. “Irate Gamer is still around?” and “This would have
been way better 10 years ago”.
The
first statement I see way too often. People are always surprised that Chris
still makes videos, and I don’t blame them. He barely gets views, and never
shows up on other channels unless he’s Puppet Steve. His various attempts to
reinvent himself all failed. A stripped down “calmer” version that he
squandered by making multiple videos about Game Genie in Mario, and a podcast
that was just so utterly boring.
The
second statement… it’s quite true as well. Irate Gamer is completely washed-up,
not helped when he disappears for four years (hell people probably didn’t
realize he made videos after 2009). The AVGN though… honestly, yeah. I will
admit, a lot of James’ recent output hasn’t been the strongest. AVGN has been
pretty weak with bafflingly odd moments like the Hell’s Kitchen parody in
Jurassic Park: Trespasser (seriously what was the point of that?). Rental
Reviews is a slog, even the guest stars don’t really help. He still makes good
stuff from time to time, mostly his movie reviews and sometimes AVGN can still
work. But it’s clear that he’s being creatively stifled.
Now
I want to address the last post. I saw several people freaking out because “I
lost all respect”. I didn’t say all, I said “some” respect. I said it because I
respect James as a filmmaker and creative mind that is capable of showing
immense passion in what he works on. I say that because I believe he’s above
lowering himself to an incompetent conspiracy theorist that wouldn’t know a
good game if it hit him in the back of the head. Someone that hasn’t had
subscriber growth in over half a decade. However, I think a lot of this is
connected to one group and going by a vague comment Chris made on Facebook,
it’s Screenwave. He mentioned that Justin Silverman “also” worked on the script.
I
don’t have a seething hatred for Screenwave like a lot of people seem to have,
I just don’t really care for them. However, it’s clear they’re not a good
presence for Cinemassacre. They were the ones that put in all these weird
thumbnails on the AVGN videos. Although, I spotted a Reddit post from someone
that attended their MAGFest panel and seemed to imply that James barely has any
input in modern AVGN. He mostly just shows up and reads the lines. That would
explain the shift in quality.
Look,
I am not “cancelling” the AVGN, but I am merely criticizing him. You can be a fan
and criticize something about it. Pure slathering devotion is wrong.
Although,
in Chris’ livestream prior to the video’s release, he claims that James not
only wanted the crossover, but pushed for Chris to go back to being Irate
Gamer. I seriously doubt that. We know Chris lies all the time, and this could
be another one. A more likely scenario is that YouTube’s new COPPA-approved
policies are seriously hurting his Puppet Steve paychecks, and nobody takes his
ghost work seriously, so he once again returns to the one thing that made him
some money. The Irate Gamer. Only this time, he’s full “I am AVGN 2.0”.
Though,
I must ask. Why Dick Tracy? Why a game that the Nerd already covered years ago,
and is considered by fans to be a classic episode? Why not cover a game that
neither of you have looked at? Like Hudson Hawk on NES, or Pagemaster on SNES,
or Fantasia on Genesis? All movie tie-ins, all garbage, and it’s something new.
Whatever
the case, this video is probably going to be dumb as hell. Let’s begin!
Dick
Tracy? Second billing in the title. IRATE GAMER vs AVGN Epic Crossover! - Dick
Tracy NES Video Game Review
A
title that screams “CLICK MEEEEE”
We
open on Avengers Endgame footage again, because apparently that’s going to be a
theme.
Then
it turns into a trailer. “In a world, where bad video games need reviewing”
Well that didn’t take long to turn into cringe…
More
edited Avengers (or Captain Marvel) footage, but with Armake21 and Silent Rob
in place of Spider-Man and Shuri. Then we see a Days of Future Past style image
of all the old “angreh” reviewers except two crossed out.
Couple
things to note. It was brought to my attention on Kiwi Farms that the image he
used for UrinatingTree (here and in Ghostbusters) is not actually him. It’s
FivePoints, another sports commentator that often does collabs with UT. Why
Chris could not take the time to find a picture of him I don’t know. The other
thing to note is the use of Hellsing920. Kind of poor taste since Emer is
actually dead. He passed away three years ago. Also, he’s barely remembered for
his game reviews, he’s remembered more for his rants and movie “reviews”.
By the way, this was recycled from the trailer he posted prior to this. Is this going to be the pre-theme song intro going forward? Or just for this "event"?
Theme song plays. The “Inspired by AVGN” part is much more in your face now (with an image
of the Nerd popping up too).
We
open on Chris’ basement door as he enters wearing a yellow Dick Tracy coat, but
no hat. Come on, you couldn’t splurge for a hat for this “epic” crossover? He
runs around his basement with an NES Zapper and points it at some criminals who
turn out to be… King Hippo and Eggplant Wizard. Captain N references?
Seriously? Is he purposely giving into the theory that he only knows about
games from shitty cartoons?
“Irate
Tracy” shoots them after they pull out rocket launchers (because sure), finds
out they were “bootlegging NES games” (because sure) and he picks up Dick
Tracy. Then he tells “the boys” to clean up. Said boy being Ronnie the
Skeleton. Still just as stereotypical and unfunny as ever. Yet the fans love
him for some reason.
Chris
starts what he referred to as the “I Rate the 80s” segment. With a lot of movie
footage. Who owns Dick Tracy? *checks* Buena Vis- oh that’s Disney. Soooo Chris
clearly has no plan to release this on DVD does he? Avengers footage, Dick Tracy
footage, Disney would eviscerate him.
He
claims the timing is why it did well because it came out after Batman 1989
(with Batman footage) and people wanted superhero movies, and all we had was
the declining Superman series (with footage of Superman III). Boy, you’re just
asking to be struck down. By the way, there were others. Supergirl, Red Sonja,
Howard the Duck. They sucked, but they existed.
He
reiterates that people really wanted comic book movies. Strange since this is a
newspaper comic, not a comic book. Wouldn’t it have made more sense to do this
next year for Dick Tracy’s 90th anniversary?
Chris
likes that the movie doesn’t have just one villain, but 20. “How could you go
wrong with that?” I know two movies featuring a wall-crawler that show exactly
how. Also, does this really count as having 20 different villains when most of
them have the characterization of a paperweight?
“It’s
like the ultimate Dick Tracy fan’s wet dream come true, only a lot less
stickier” I was right! His thing is going to be semen jokes. Yaaaaaaay… “Less
stickier” is grammatically incorrect by the way.
Villains
were cool, movie looked great, Madonna sucks in it, this line
“She’s
the hot bombshell? I wouldn’t bang her with Mega Man’s dick!” …….. Wow. Moving
on.
It’s
padding time! Chris proceeds to list off the villains. He could have stopped
after the first three since at least he names the actors there. Though he ends
it referencing the AVGN. Saying he has a “Shit Pickle eating grin”. This is
gonna be looong video isn’t it? This joke would have worked if there really was
a Dick Tracy villain called “The Nerd”.
Then
he starts talking about merch. Spends a long time on a McDonalds scratch-off
ticket. What’s the point of this? Then he rips up the ticket because the
villain on it wasn’t in the movie. Why does the “Irate” Gamer feel more like
the Petty Gamer?
Then
he starts gushing over a 2-way wristwatch toy he had as a kid. It goes on a
bit. Then he ends it making a random slam towards the Nostalgia Critic over his
terrible “tribute” to Pink Floyd. What does that have to do with anything? He
actually answers in the comments. Saying “He made a cheap shot towards me so
I’m doing the same”. Dude, if you were going to go after EVERYONE that made a
cheap shot at you, we would be here for decades.
Nearly
6 minutes in, he gets to the game.
“Now
I hate to dust this bag of ass-pixels off” Creative?
A
big reason he’s (allegedly) revisiting the game is that this month is the 30th
anniversary of the movie. … That was last month. June 15th, 1990.
Add that to the list of instances where Chris clearly doesn’t get how time
works.
He
starts the game, title screen reminds him of the movie, asks if kids would
prefer shootouts or paperwork. Wonder where this is leading…
He
starts the game, and a Final Fantasy sound effect plays. Stop doing that.
So,
he complains about the various detective things you do like looking at mugshots
and interrogating. Why is that a problem? He is a detective. Dick is another
word for detective. Man, Chris would really hate L.A. Noire “I actually have to
solve crimes? Why can’t I be like a real cop and just beat black people?!”
He
gets to the driving. Complains that he did too much in Ghostbusters (not really
the same but whatever).
I
notice that he gets hit with a bullet, but his health doesn’t go down. GAME
GENIE USE! Just can’t help himself can he. I also notice he’s using an emulator
(it’s too clean).
“The
controls are so fucker-fickle wonky” Why is it when Chris tries to sound creative
with his cursing, it comes off as weirdly tryhard or childish?
More
bad driving, complains the map is too big, comparing it to the final level from
The Legend of Zelda, referring to it as a “Death Mountain shitty
titty-twister”. My head hurts…
He
brings up the snipers, and this time he’s losing health when he gets hit. HMMM
SUSPICIOUS!
He
compares the part where you leave the car to TMNT and starts playing the music
because he thinks we’re idiots. He also notes how you can’t leave the screen.
“Well, at least…” Stop! Whatever you’re going to finish this sentence with,
it’s going to show up in the game. “… there’s none of those stupid street
sweepers around”. One appears, kills him, and the death music from TMNT
plays. It’s been four years. You haven’t made an Irate Gamer video in all that
time. You had time to work on improving your writing and find out better jokes
to tell. But you didn’t do that. Instead, you’re sticking with the same easily
telegraphed Nickelodeon jokes that made you a mockery of everyone in 2009! What
are you doing? How can you continue to be such a hack?
Anyway,
he mentions the existence of the Genesis game (while also calling it the Mega
Drive because ME GAMER) and is upset because that’s the Dick Tracy game he
wanted.
“So
where was this game all my life when the NES ended up with this crappy video
game cartridge of cocks!” Effort?
He
starts the first case, explains the rules, mentions how Breathless Mahoney
wants him, randomly mentions Toad from Super Mario Bros, and then suddenly he
appears to say the “Princess is in another castle” message. IG calls him a
“cock-blocker” which I guess shocks Toad because his eyes widen. … WHAT’S THE
JOKE?! I don’t get it.
At
least he got Toad’s name right. He probably did before and I don’t remember.
Gets
the objective, looong sequence of him driving (gotta get to 25 somehow).
Arrives
to the building, is happy there’s side-scrolling action, overacts, dies, death
montage, annoying yell at the camera. Not even halfway.
Mentions
how there’s no continues, said the game scarred him, the game is unfair,
references Silver Surfer and shows a death montage of that game. Holy shit,
he’s really doing anything he can to pad this video out. Why?
And
even more Dick Tracy death montage! IG hits himself with the controller and
gets a “Game Over” in real life. I feel like this is another joke he’s done a
lot…
He
starts to complain about the aspect of losing health if you shoot an unarmed
man. A mechanic that makes sense but could have been better implemented if this
game wasn’t so poorly made. My thoughts of course, he doesn’t go that in-depth.
He
appreciates the effort, but then makes some weird shit joke. Whatever…
A
sort of montage as he punches and shoots… I’m bored. He dies. He goes “GAME
OVER?” like this is the first time it happened. Then a bunch of words that
start with D because alliteration. My frown is firmly down.
Shows
off the Super Punch, adds some pointless sounds, finds the bad guy, and uses
his patented green circle on the next objective. Is he doing this on purpose
now?
Goes
to the pier, mentions how the water will kick you out of the level, failure
montage, “funny” faces, then he references Castlevania and has one of the
fishmen from the game show up. That’s not a joke Chris. Just having random
sprites appear is not a joke.
He
gets the clue, doesn’t understand it and seems stuck. Then go to the internet.
No, it’s just lead-in for another dumb bit where he uses the Dick Tracy watch
mentioned earlier to contact the Chief. The Chief (obviously Bores) says he’ll
patch him in with an expert that played the game before. And so, after some
Zelda music… the Angry Video Game Nerd appears. 13 minutes and 49 seconds into
this video. I don’t think you understand how crossovers work Chris. Normally, both
hosts meet at the beginning. Not take half the video to get there. Wait… don’t
tell me this isn’t actually a crossover. Could it be a glorified cameo?
Pretty
much, because the Nerd even calls it a cameo. Something tells me wires were
crossed about this.
Nerd
says they should unite to fight against shitty games, IG asks if it’s like a
“lame AVGN/Nostalgia Critic crossover”, Nerd says “no this is even lamer” as he
just pops in. I mean, at least Doug and James filmed stuff together. This is a
phoned in recorded cameo. Yes, I know, the pandemic, but still.
Anyway,
bunch of curse words, IG mentions Shit Pickle again, and he shows up on IG’s
side. Okay, is Shit Pickle the only thing that Chris remembers about the AVGN?
Because he referenced it twice in this video and referenced it in the last
video. Does he think it’s a popular character with fans? Maybe the old ones,
but I barely see anyone talk about it now. Frankly, this feels like this
possible “crossover” was written in 2009 and was only unearthed now. Long after
the expiration date. Hmm…
So,
the two have an “I rather” contest where they try to out-vulgar each other,
then they scream and the screen explodes, random Shit Pickle appearance again…
This is not epic. This is lame. James sounds okay, kind of phoned in, like he
doesn’t want to be there. Chris of course sounds horribly forced, but that’s
always the case.
After
the pointless explosion, IG calls out the Nerd for not even finishing the game
the first time, so the two decide to have a race to see who can beat it first.
IG hangs up but does a crooked jaw scream when he realizes that the Nerd never
told him what to do. Comedy?
He
leaves the pier, automatically enters a car chase, randomly references Mortal
Kombat (because of course) and shoots down the car to interrogate Shoulders.
Then it cuts to Chris standing next to the sprite of Shoulders as he
interrogates him. Oh, that’s embarrassing.
Gets
the info, goes to the next stage, gets the clue, arrests Numbers, refers to him
as a “cock-master general”. Isn’t that the name of a gay porn star? Or a
dominatrix?
He
starts the second case and starts harping on Mahoney’s innuendos and how it
“teeters the line between kids game and X-rated fantasy”. Then he comments “if
you want it that bad, I’ll meet you in the bathroom”. Urgh, I hate pervy Bores.
Far from the first time we’ve seen him.
He
goes to the next location, makes it through, meets Lips Manlis, tries to arrest
him even though he doesn’t have evidence WHY? This is the second case! This is
a mistake I expect from the first! … This is going to be a joke isn’t it?
Gets
the info, goes to the next place, gets the clue, makes a joke about his fingers
bleeding with red food coloring, gets to the next bad guy, then the next,
finally gets the last clue that Lips Manlis did do it. Then he goes on an angry
rant because it was all a wild goose chase. Yeah, that’s how law works. You
can’t just arrest someone without proof (even if it happens all the time), you
need evidence. This is so dumb.
“Can
you give man option to kill this guy?” An option will appear. *it does* Yep,
even says “Kill this fuck”. Final Fantasy sound effect too. Only five minutes
left.
Wait, was the whole point of this part to show the scene where Big Boy kills Lips Manlis and have Bores react to it? I’m trying to find the humor here and I can’t.
He
checks in on the AVGN who is just finishing up the first case. Well yeah, you
had a head start.
He
breezes through the third case, goes over the fourth case and how it doesn’t
give you much of a clue, he gets a “lucky guess”, mentions “boner-biting dogs”
(urgh), gets a clue leading to The Brow, goes to arrest him and fails. Playing
the Price is Right horns and everything. All because he didn’t get the second
clue.
He
moves on to the fifth and final case. Makes a comment about how nobody has made
this far, then shows some more obvious Game Genie use when he runs into a car
and doesn’t lose health. Frankly, I imagine he’s been using Game Genie the
whole time after the AVGN bit since he's rushing through everything.
Makes
a comment about the piers that seems… weirdly late. Finds all the clues. Brings
up how finding Big Boy is hard and “kids had a hard time back then”. Yeah that
implies kids played this past the first level, and didn’t you just say “nobody
has made it this far”?
He
claims the only way to know is a “cutscene” from the movie where Big Boy is at
The Club Ritz. IG says “ass face”, resulting in a dumb bit where Little Face
shows up and Chris shows an edited “Ass Face” version of him. Classy… Isn’t Ass
Face a character in Preacher? Rather, Arseface because Cassidy is Irish. Sorry,
getting off-topic.
He
complains how the game lacks movie locations, yet somehow the final level is
movie accurate. Says “Dick Face” and an edited sprite with a dick on his face
shows up. I… I don’t even know anymore. This is just gross now.
Annnyway,
IG goes through the final level, beats Big Boy, and gets ready to brag to the
Nerd about it. However, the Nerd already beat it and posted a video about it.
IG looks at the comments, two of which call IG a copycat, then one from Channel
Awesome about how he did a 133-minute review on the Dick Tracy Wrist Watch. You
know, it’s pretty clear that Chris knows NOTHING about the Nostalgia Critic
outside of his terrible video on The Wall. There’s sooo much to make fun of
with him, and yet he tells the same joke twice. Kind of shows how Chris’
reference pools are about as shallow as The Last of Us II’s themes.
The
video ends with IG going “story of my life” and declaring “THIS ISN’T OVER
NERD” as it erupts into the Avengers theme (oh please) as we get “Irate Gamer
vs AVGN” logos. Then the Nerd reveals that he used the “Beat the Game Button”
from his Star Wars review. Weird joke to reference.
….
That was it? That was lame. Like, super lame. There was nothing hype about
this. Nothing funny, nothing entertaining, it was so boring. The title’s a lie,
there was no crossover. It was just a glorified cameo.
As
for the review, it was just more of the same we’ve heard from anyone else talk
about Dick Tracy. Terrible driving controls, annoying gunplay, and the unfair
disadvantage of having only one life and no continues. Even the “I Rate the
80s” segment was just Chris gushing over toys. He could have at least brought
up the comic strip.
Really
though, people are right. This “crossover” was several years too late, and as I
suspected it was nothing special at all. I do wonder how much of this was
Screenwave dangling the little Nerd puppet on a string. I've
even seen people speculate that James had no input in writing this.
Considering Chris' comment about Justin Silverman "helping", I can
believe that.
And
going by the ending and a Facebook post he made, this isn’t the end of it. The
next video, whenever the hell that will be, will likely “continue” this.
Going
by two episodes, it seems the new format will be a mini “I Rate the 80s” style
video since he won’t bother to make those again, then a really long ass review
of a game with little content or substance, mixed with comments about dicks,
sperm and sometimes feces. It kind of feels like Chris hasn’t really learned
anything, and is only doubling down on old practices that most have moved on
from.
Frankly,
I don’t see how Chris is suddenly “forgiven” because the two did a crossover.
The man still has way more problems outside of being a rip-off. Hell, that’s
loooow on the totem pole. I’ve gone over this again and again and it feels like
nobody listens. He flagged a video as recently as 2018! He’s still the same
jackass he’s always been. In fact, he’s even admitted to purposely misleading
info very recently.
Reader Thomas McClane called out some things that Chris
never apologized for, including his comments on JewWario, the E-Begging “spoof”
and claiming the Outnerd the Nerd contest was rigged. Chris actually responded,
and you can see the exchange here: https://imgur.com/a/BC7aSbO
He
cites “religion” for his comments about Justin (continuing to double down),
claims the E-Begging spoof was never meant to be “vemom” and only satire (didn’t
do a good job of that), but the most damning thing is that the claims that the contest
was rigged was “secondhand info” from the people that told him to enter it. So,
you knew the information wasn’t trustworthy or verifiable, but you still put it
in your video like it was factual. Do you not see the problem with that Chris? Without
credible verification it’s nothing but slander. Your whole video continues to
fall apart even further. Of course, Chris could just be trying to cover his ass
after getting called out for his lies.
I
guess that’s everything I want to mention for now. I’ll see you for whatever’s
next. Not sure if it will be more of this *pfft* “crossover”, or Chris
releasing some incoherent video on how the lizard people have infiltrated NBC or something. Later!
EDIT: Actually got an interesting update. My informant spotted this new post from Chris on Facebook.
Basically, Chris wants to ramp up production and wants a team to work with. About time. It always baffled me that he would reject outside help for so long. That's some actual maturity. Just one question... what are you going to pay them with?
EDIT: Actually got an interesting update. My informant spotted this new post from Chris on Facebook.
Granted, I don't fully know his financial situation outside of the internet, but looking at everything I question where the money comes from. He has no Patreon, there's no way in hell that the new videos can be monetized (movie clips and cursing), Puppet Steve has likely taken a big hit not only due to COPPA but any potential adpocalypses waiting in the winds, and I can't imagine his multiple stores are big merchandise movers. Plus, I don't think he gets as many "ghost cleansings" as he claims.
We know from the constant Steve videos that he likely works at home, and even if he did work outside the house, the pandemic has likely furloughed him. So... what are you going to pay these people with Chris? I better not hear horror stories about offering "exposure" and "volunteer work".
