Last time on IG Attempts the News: Make everything darker and edgier!
More jokes that make me look like a psycho!
Women are stupid!
What will this week bring?
Actually, before I begin that. I viewed a video from MatthewPatrick13 for his “Game Theory” series, explaining how YouTube works, the rise in Let’s Play/walkthrough channels, and why PewDiePie is popular. Last March, YouTube changed their method of promotion. Instead of going by how many views a video gets (which people could cheat by giving it a thumbnail with tits, only to have a talking head in it) to how much duration of the video is watched. The more time passes, the more likely it’s going to get promoted. Let’s Play/walkthrough channels manage to do this by submitting 10-20 minute chunks of a straight-forward with each part labeled, allowing newcomers to view the series in one sitting. Thus, they get a large amount of promotion (and it’s why notable YouTube partners have started gaming channels).
As for PewDiePie? He managed to get international attention. I still think he’s horrid though.
So how does this effect Bores? Well, Bores is no longer promoted like he was in the old days. Taking his fairly short videos and combining them with the infrequency of uploads, it’s no wonder that his views have stagnated and his subscriber count has dropped hard or barely moved at all.
You can view MatPat’s video here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EgMqhEMhVV8
And now, onto the “news”.
Stories on July 20th 2013
Well what do you know, he does post on weekends. Interesting.
“Donkey Kong vs. MC Escher Stairs -- Chalk Stop Motion Video”
Just a video he thought was cool.
The only thing I found weird was one of the tags saying “Atari”. I know Donkey Kong was released on the 2600, the 7800 and Atari computers, but most people associate DK with Nintendo since it‘s a Nintendo IP, so there’s really no reason to put that tag there.
Other stories:
“2013 Comic Con SDCC -- Magic the Gathering 5 New Commander Sets this November”
Stories on July 22nd 2013
“2013 Comic Con -- LEGO MARVEL New Characters Announced: Stan Lee, Ice man, Howard the Duck?”
A game with playable Stan Lee. Fucking bought.
“Most of it concerning all the playable characters. But first lets address the obscure characters” Obscure huh? Let’s see what your idea of obscure is.
“Stan Lee. Wow that guy gets around. Even in video games.” … Did you seriously just call Stan Lee obscure? The man is a legend! He’s responsible for creating a vast majority of the Marvel Universe. So to call him “obscure” shows me you have no clue who he really is.
He brings up Howard the Duck, and is annoyed because he can only think of the movie rather than the comic. Ever consider that the comics are actually good? Didn’t think so…
After a lame joke about throwing Howard off a cliff, he brings up Squirrel Girl.
“Wow, that one is so obscure I’ve never even heard of her” You call yourself a comic book fan? Squirrel Girl is awesome. She beat Doctor Doom and Thanos! And the former was the real Doom, not a Doombot.
He lists off multiple characters in the game, ending on Agent Coulson
“Boy those Marvel movies made him a superstar.” No shit, that’s where he was introduced. Coulson was an original character created for the MCU, and like Harley Quinn in Batman and Livewire in Superman, he was later integrated into the comic books.
“2013 SDCC Comic Con -- Superman and Batman Crossover Movie Now a Reality! Summer 2015”
You see, this is why you need to post on weekends. Everyone has already heard about this.
“So weird this news was released, especially since I mentioned that I wish I would see something like this in my Man of Steel Review posted a day before the announcement. Glad they took my suggestion.” Don’t act like an egoistical prick because you predicted something would happen. Just about everyone thought something like this would happen considering the success of the MCU and everyone telling WB and DC that doing a Justice League movie right out of the gate is a bad idea!
“And since they are listening to me, give me a Green Lantern reboot and a Flash movie while your at it!” Green Lantern is never happening again. Deal with it.
“Hit the jump to check out my Superman Movie Review where my soothsaying skills are top notch!” Again, this is why nobody likes you, you’re acting like a dick.
“The Beatles -- Where are they Now? (Artists Rendition)”
I know where two of them are. Dead. The other two are still performing in their own ways.
Actually, this is another “cool picture I found” post. Apparently it’s from the 70’s or something… whatever.
“2013 Comic-Con: Avengers 2 Titled Avengers: Age of Ultron (Different Origin Story)”
I’m actually glad we’re getting Ultron next. Putting Thanos in the second movie would be blowing their load too early.
“At the Marvels Panel” Do you even care?
“Now I know of this guy through collecting Marvel figures,” I’m such a big comic book fan you guyz! I read a lot of them… except I never have.
“But since Ant man hasn’t been introduced yet, Joss Whedon has confirmed the origin story will be all new” Or he could be lying. It’s been confirmed Ant Man is the first movie of Phase 3, coming November 2015. It’s possible Avengers 2 will introduce Hank Pym, setting up the next movie.
“2013 Comic Con -- Magic the Gathering: From the Vault Twenty (Jace the Mind Sculptor!)”
More MTG… huzzah.
“Oy! The price of this has already jumped up $50.00 dollars and it hasn’t even been released yet! You punks!” You mean the rare and powerful cards are… expensive and in demand?! Le gasp! More and more you show us all that you don’t understand the basics of economics.
He brings up Jace the Mind Sculptor and has this to say.
“Somehow through my Obi wan ways I can hear many people praising this card and cursing Wizards of the Coast over this all at the same time.” Your Obi Wan ways? What? What does that mean? Do you mean The Force? Quit slipping in references that don’t match up.
Apparently Jace is a controversial MTG card. Can you explain how? No? Fine, leave us all in the dark.
Other stories:
“Superman Man of Steel Review & Justice League Movie Thoughts” (it’s his video)
“LEGO -- Back to the Future DeLorean Set *DROOL*”
“2013 Comic Con -- Magic the Gathering: Next Block: THEROS -- (Elspeth now Center Stage)”
Stories from July 23rd 2013
“Arcade ‘Netflix-esque’ Type Rental Service New Available”
Looking into “All You Can Arcade”, I can see a lot going wrong. Especially something going wrong in delivery, and paying $75 dollars a month is just not worth it.
“Might come in handy when I record History of Video Games Part 6 which I will be producing later this year.” Give it up Bores! That series is never going anywhere, and you’re a fool for thinking you’ll finish it. Also, why do you need Arcade cabinets? Didn’t you say you were covering the Atari 2600?
“There is one catch though, certain area’s only offer certain consoles. Where I live I was able to pull up hundreds of machines,(…)” That’s…. impossible. I looked up All You Can Arcade’s site and put in the two zip codes for Sandusky Ohio, and neither had any machines available. I put in my own zip code and I can’t get any either. It sounds like something that’s only available in the California Bay area right now.
“(…) but I’m sure out in WallaWalla, Washington, There will be no rousing games of ‘Mappy’ for you!” I also put in Walla Walla, Washington’s zip code and they aren’t available there either. Also, the site doesn’t have Mappy. Do your research.
“But it’s a joke!” Then maybe he shouldn’t say he has hundreds of choices available to him when he actually doesn’t!
“Oldest D-20 Spinner Die Found -- Ancient Romans Played D&D and Magic: the Gathering?”
No. No they didn’t.
Actually, this story is kind of interesting. It’s a multi-sided die that scientists have dated somewhere between 304 B.C.E. and 30 B.C.E. Of course, Bores ruins it with his dumb jokes.
“Imagine the level their warriors would be at today! Try and beat my level 354 wizard! I dare ya dungeon master!” Ugggggh. I’m pretty sure these die were used for something else, not fantasy role-playing games. Maybe games of chance that have been lost to the passage of time.
“Very cool, just wait till I find one made out of dinosaur bone!” About as likely as finding buried E.T. cartridges in a field in Ohio.
“Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle Movie Set Photos -- Ralphael in Disguise Pics”
Who the devil is Ralphael? Oooh you mean Raphael. See, this is why you should disable auto-correct on your iPad.
By the way, all these images are old. I saw them weeks ago.
“I guess this one might actually be turning out to be pretty good. Lets hope.” No. No it won’t. It’s going to be a train wreck. All hope is lost, and I don’t see how it can get better.
“2013 Comic Con -- New Ghostbusters Toys (Proton Wand, Ecto Goggles)”
“What practical application do these things have in actual application in the field? I have absolutely no fricken idea but they look great.” They’re toys. If you seriously thought about using them for your ghost hunting… never mind. If you’re asking about in-universe purposes, they both seem pretty obvious. One is the gun on a Proton Pack, the other lets you see ghosts.
“Much better than the 80's versions by a country mile.” For $110 and $130 dollars, they fucking better be higher quality than toys from the 80’s.
“Looks like the Ecto Goggles will be available this August only on the Matty Website.” I’m sorry, Matty? Did you seriously give a pet name to Mattel? Nobody else calls them that Bores.
“Activision Now Plans on Releasing 2 Ninja Turtles Video Games this Year”
Activision milking something, what a shock.
I find it weird that half of the article’s one paragraph is normal, but the other half is in italics. He’s not even quoting anybody.
“But only available on Xbox 360 and Wii only?? Damn you Playstation!!” Why are you cursing Playstation? It’s Activision’s fault the game isn’t going to be on PS3. Hell, I’m curious as to why the game is on Wii rather than Wii U. Are you going to curse Nintendo for that?
Other stories:
“X-Men: Days of Future Past -- Official Posters Revealed”
“Superman Movie Sequel Titled: Superman vs. Batman? David Goyer Reveals”
Stories on July 24th 2013
“Arkham Origins: Mad Hatter Now Confirmed as a Villain”
“He won’t be part of the “assassins” group because that would be as crazy as bringing in someone obscure as Copperhead.” Is he calling Mad Hatter obscure? Or is he saying that making him an assassin wouldn’t make sense? Hard to tell with him. Also, quit ragging on Copperhead, what did she ever do to you? Personally I would prefer if Hatter was one of the assassins, he’d have stages similar to the Scarecrow scenes from the first game.
“And hey, if you want to really mess with peoples minds, make it look exactly like that Tom Petty music video “Don’t Come Around Here” and let Tom Petty play the Mad Hatter again. That will ruffle some feathers!” … What? Barely connecting obscure reference much?
First of all, the song is called “Don’t Come Around Here No More”. Sorry, I’m a stickler for song titles (it’s Baba O’Riley, not Teenage Wasteland). Second, that music video is nowhere near the worst Mad Hatter related thing out there. I point you to Tim Burton’s Alice in Wonderland with break-dancing Johnny Depp. That’s torture. Third… seriously what?
“2013 SDCC -- Bryan Cranston Crashes Comic Con as himself?”
I saw this a couple days before this post. That mask dives deep into the uncanny valley.
He references Cranston’s roles on Seinfeld and Malcolm in the Middle for some reason, then says he hopes they don’t spoil the “sexy series finale” of Breaking Bad. Okay, I haven’t seen Breaking Bad yet, but from everything I’ve heard, “sexy” is not a word I would use to describe it. Brutal, gritty, dark, those are accurate words. Maybe Bores’ ideal Zelda game would involve Link and Tingle running a meth lab in the Deku Tree.
“Street Fighter II “Best of Church Edition” Smacking Around the Rightous!”
Pretty sure there’s a missing “e” in that headline.
This is another video he saw. It takes footage from various churches and adds Street Fighter sound effects to them. … Yeah.
“I’m so inspired I can’t wait till next Sunday so I can duke it out at my church!” I thought you were a Buddhist? *researches* There are Buddhist churches, but they’re a specific subset, and aren’t available in Ohio. There are temples all over though.
Maybe the “Alan” that sent him that was Alan Cicco?
“Pokemon Rumble U: Another Figure Game releasing August 29th”
What’s this? Bores covering something related to Pokemon? That’s a first. Oh of course it’s the one that allows figures… like Skylanders. Of all the games that would get his attention.
“Marvel Super Heroes LEGO: Howard the Duck Reveal”
“After pestering Warner Brothers repeatedly the last couple days for a picture of a Howard the Duck LEGO picture, I finally got one from their PR people.” You didn’t do that. They probably just sent it out to everyone. By chance that you did, why would you want to pester them about it? Didn’t you say it was dumb and you’d only use Howard to throw him off a cliff?
“This character will no doubt be locked up until you can perform some incredible feat.” Collecting 50,000 studs isn’t really that amazing a feat. Especially if you have a couple multipliers on.
“Can’t wait to see what his special power is. (Yeah i know, insert your own joke here)” Oh that’s easy. *clears throat* Howard the Duck will defeat his enemies with the power of biting satire and bizarre parody. Just like the comic books.
Other stories:
“You Moron! Dumpster Diver Makes Paper Mache Sculpture From $40,000 Comic Books”
“Designer of Madden NFL awarded $11 million in EA lawsuit”
Stories from July 25th 2013
“Game Of Thrones 40-Foot Dragon Skull Created to Promote Season 3”
Promote Season 3? Way to be late for that! It already happened, it started in March and ended in June.
Oh I see, it’s for a UK only streaming service. They must be doing well if they’re able to afford making this. Hey HBO, maybe you could prevent Game of Thrones from being the most pirated show every year if you gave people the option to watch it on Netflix or Hulu, rather than force them to subscribe to HBO no matter what.
“What’s better than finding a dragon skull?” A live dragon?
“How about finding a 40 foot dragon skull!” That’s not much different, it’s only bigger. Is this even a joke?
“Baggage claim will love me after I steal that sucker.” And we can add larceny to your list of “sarcastic crimes”. When will he learn jokes like that aren’t funny?
“LEGO: Marvel Super Heroes -- Characters Confirmed! Gambit, Beast, Punisher, Elektra, etc”
He says Warner Bros sent him these images. No they didn’t, they probably sent them to everyone and you found them off another site. Quit trying to sound special.
“If they keep this up, they’ll have nothing left for DLC” Good. Unless the DLC is extra levels, then it’s pointless cash-grabbing.
“Donkey Kong Doctor Who Level & Other Random Pop Culture Characters”
I thought I told you to stay away from Doctor Who media!
It’s another “cool pictures I found” post, basically an artist edited Donkey Kong to feature other media. Bores posted the ones with Doctor Who, Adventure Time, Star Wars, Indiana Jones, Nolan-verse Batman, and Alien.
He also wants someone to mod Donkey Kong to look like the Doctor Who picture. *sighs* Moving on…
“DC Comics --Flash Point Animated Movie on Sale Tuesday”
Ah yes, Flashpoint, the final major story before the New 52 reboot. That sure was worth it huh? *crickets*
“I cannot wait to see how this translates over to the tv medium.” TV? This is direct-to-DVD. If you’re thinking this is a pilot to a possible TV show, then you seem to have ignored the deluge of DC Animated movies coming out the last few years. Right now, all we’re getting on TV is Teen Titans Go and Beware the Batman. Nothing on the level of the DC Animated movies, or even the old DCAU.
Other stories:
“LEGO: Breaking Bad Video Game Spoof”
“Marvels Avengers 2 Movie News: Joss Whedon talks Scarlet Witch Costume”
“Super Mario 64 Video Game Mod -- Dad Creates Childlike Goombas For Son”
Stories from July 26th 2013
“The Homer Car: Company Actually Builds Replica”
I just want to mention that the picture used has a model dressed as Marge standing next to the car. This is why Simpsons cosplay just doesn’t work, it looks weird.
“Remember the Simpsons Episode were Homer designs a car for his brother Herb? Yeah it was Season 2, a very long time ago so I’ll forgive you just this one time in case you don’t” Considering most of your fans were born looooong after that episode first aired, it wouldn’t surprise me they wouldn’t know it. Hell, these were probably the same fans that said the Lady Gaga episode was “amazing and brilliant”.
Also, “…Episode were Homer…” Are you sure English is your first language?
“A Half-Scale Replica Of Vader’s TIE Fighter Finally Built”
“Is it time for the Star Wars Celebration in Europe already?” I checked and this is actually a thing. Stopped watch is right twice a day.
“Took them over 1,000 man hours and $20,000 to build. Not sure why they didn’t splurge with $40,000 and build a full sized one” Because that’s not how it works? It’s pretty damn big already going by the pictures.
“Very cool guys and an Irate hats off to you.” An Irate hats off? What? Are you a brand now or something? Or is this more of your belief that “if I add my name to something, that automatically makes it funny”?
Other stories:
“Ducktales Remastered Duckumenatry -- Wubba Duck, Flintheart Golmgold Revealed!”
“Batman Norman Rockwell Art -- Saturday Gotham Evening Post Covers”
“Skylanders -- Fryno Being Confirmed Next week?”
It’s Saturday, that means it’s time to post this.
Surprisingly, Bores seems to be laying off the horrid jokes. A little bit at least, there’s still lots of awful ones.
What horrid news will await next week? We’ll have to wait and see. I just wonder if Bores will upload something of substance soon.
Saturday, July 27, 2013
Saturday, July 20, 2013
IG Attempts the News: Now With 30% Extra Insanity + Man of Shaky Cams Phoning It In
Welcome to another IG Attempts the News. Last time, my brain nearly melted.
What tunneled vision old stories will Chris grace us with this time?
Actually before I begin, on July 19th Bores uploaded an 11 minute review(!) of Man of Steel. Well okay, the title also says he has his thoughts on the upcoming Justice League movie. Want to know a secret? It’s going to suck.
Also, Man of Steel came out last month. I know you’re often late with games but movies now? Jeez…
At the beginning, he mentions that he feels he was the only person not to like “Batman 3”. You’re not alone, not many people really liked Batman Forever. … Oh you mean The Dark Knight Rises. Well, you’re not alone in that either. A lot of people didn’t like that movie, whether it was the gaping plot holes, Bruce’s weird decision to hide for eight years, Bruce acting like an idiot around Selena Kyle, Bane’s lame death, Talia’s even lamer death, how Batman only had three major scenes in a movie that’s two and a half hours long. People had plenty to complain about.
He claims that he sees everyone praise it. Maybe you should read more forums.
And then the rest of it is him rambling about Man of Steel. Yeah, I have my limits. I really don’t care if he liked or not. If anyone is brave enough to sit through it, you have the patience of a saint.
I would attempt to sit through it, but I never saw Man of Steel. Had no interest in it, preferring to wait for it on DVD. I have heard the problems and… yeah.
Onto the news!
Continuing from July 16th 2013
“Microsoft Xbox One -- Gamers Petition For Restrictions… WHAT?!”
Like last time, we start off with another old story. The controversial petition to bring back the Xbox One’s draconian DRM. I think this is the first time Bores has ever acknowledged this issue, two months after it became public. Yes there were leaks but nothing was concrete, until the reveal that is.
Bores lists a couple of cons and pros. He seems to understand that the cons are bad, though doesn’t seem to know that the “always on” connection was changed to “once every 24 hours”. Which is still pretty bad.
However, he doesn’t seem to get the pros.
“Lower game prices” We didn’t know that would happen. A lot of Microsoft fan boys claimed this system would allow Steam-like sales. There was no proof of course, and knowing Microsoft that probably wouldn’t happen. Steam has competition, it has GOG, Direct2Drive, Origin and others.
“Microsoft’s Netflix-style system for renting games streamed straight from the internet instead of being encrypted on a CD” A luxury only US audiences could enjoy. Europe? Canada? HAHA sucks to be you! Japan? Try again next year!
He then mentions something about CDs vs. Cassettes (this isn’t really the same argument) and then claims that if anyone was offering free sundaes at Dairy Queen he would join their cause. I was wondering how long it would take to get to a food joke, and there we go. Still not funny.
Stories from July 17th 2013
“Sonic: Lost World gets a Release Date & New Moves”
He brings up the new powers shown in the trailer, and finds the music note one dumb. You do realize that these are just additional Wisp powers right? You know, the Wisps from Sonic Colors, a game that you actually played? Did you not pay attention?
Also some lame Wonder Twins jokes… whatever.
“2013 Comic Con -- Dungeons & Dragons KRE-O Sets”
I didn’t know you cared for D&D
“Now all the Irate Gamers out can throwing around figures to go along with your level 22 wizard dying.” All the Irate Gamers? You mean there’s more than one of you?! Oh wait you mean people that are just angry or something… wow that’s a really lame way to name drop your show. That would be like the Nostalgia Critic saying “To all my Nostalgia Critics out there…”
He mentions that he now wants a Magic the Gathering KRE-O set so he can slay Nicol Bolas once and for all. Not if Wizards of the Coast has anything to say.
“E3 2013 -- Buy Booth Space or Buy a Mansion?”
Ah yes, the question posed by EA higher-ups every day. “But if we invest in actual gaming, we wouldn’t be able to afford platinum door knobs for our office.”
“Accordion to Semiformal Studios, a 600 square foot space on the E3 show floor ended up running them a tab of $100,000. And that’s on the low side!” You mean space in a convention that this year got over 48,000 people in attendance is going to be… EXPENSIVE?! Gasp!
Nobody show Chris the price of Super Bowl ads, his brain would fry.
Also, “accordion to”? Are you writing these articles on your iPad with auto-correct on?
He then estimates the cost that companies are paying for E3, noting that Nintendo, Microsoft, and Sony must pay close to a million dollars. Do you know how much a million is to those three? Pocket change! Considering the AAA market dumps obscene amounts of money into a game and gets upset that selling 3.4 million copies isn’t enough, $1 million dollars is nothing!
“LEGO: The Movie Video Game in 2014”
Unsurprisingly, The Lego Movie is getting a video game tie-in.
Bores lists off every console is one (which is basically every modern one) then adds that it’s also on the Atari Jaguar, NEOGEO, and Sega Saturn adding “(just kidding… or am I?)” Yes… you are kidding. That’s not going to happen. Sorry but your jokes are still not funny.
“I wonder if LEGO’s from other LEGO video games like Batman, Indiana Jones, and Ninja Turtles will be playable in this game.” I doubt it. I know Batman and Michelangelo will show up in the movie, but I imagine the video game is another pile of legal problems not worth dealing with.
Hold on, there’s a LEGO TMNT out there? That’s the first I’m hearing of this. *looks around* There are LEGO TMNT playsets, but no video game. But double-checking facts is haaaaaaaard!
“2103 Comic-Con -- Skylanders Dread Yacht Playset that Holds Figures and Portal?!”
90 years from now, Skylanders will be big enough to have yachts? Wow, Activision hit a gold mine.
Okay seriously, that’s the second time you’ve typed out 2103 instead of 2013. Once was dumb, twice shows you just don’t care. By the way, he still hasn’t fixed the first instance. What’s the point of this site if you’re not going to try?
He’s also hoping for an exclusive Flynn figure. For those that don’t know, Flynn is an NPC. Meaning it’s not going to happen. Keep dreaming Chris.
“Selling Like Hot Cakes: XBox One, Playstation 4 Launch Bundles Sold Out”
“If you want your hands on these Consoles before Christmas, you better start looking around every nook and corner of the internet to try to score one now you lazy wait-till-the-last-minute jerk!” If I keep insulting my readers, I’ll get more fans. Logic is awesome!
“GameStop is sold out of PS4 sold out” Okay Torgo.
He ends his list of stores with Kmart and asks if they still even have an electronics section …. Yes. They do. Just because there are less stores doesn’t mean they no longer have electronics. Not funny.
Other stories:
“2013 Comic Con -- Simpsons Figures Return! NECA Making 25 Celebrity Guest Stars: First Look”
Stores from July 18th 2013
“2013 SDCC -- Batman Arkham Origins DC Collectables Figures (Batman, Bane)”
This is about figures at Comic-Con. … Yeah.
“As we speak I am preparing my fake nose and mustache disguise so I can get exclusive entrance into Comic Con as well.” Or you could just go. SDCC isn’t some exclusive event, anyone can get in. Though you’ll feel like a damn sardine doing so. Last time I went I could barely move. Three years ago there was around 130,000 people in attendance., it’s even bigger this year.
He also wonders if there will be a Black Mask figure as well. What’s your obsession with Black Mask? He’s not that amazing of a villain, he’s just a gangster.
“PlayStation 4’s Controller Originally Measured Your Sweat”
This one is just odd. Not the story itself but IG’s writing.
He says he stared at Mark Cerny for 10 minutes to get answers. What?
Then he mentions how Valve is working on sweat sensors for the next Left 4 Dead, making it sound “really intense” and to count him out of playing it. You played L4D? Oh wait I remember now, Shaolin Dave told me he played you on Steam, and you accused people of cheating. Hmmmmm.
“Parent Artist -- Scars his Children for Life in Creepy ‘Horror’ Portraits”
More pictures. The works of Joshua Hoffine, who takes pictures of his kids getting scared by stuff he edits in later. Does he take commissions? I’ve got some amazing ideas to scare children.
“Wow, and I thought I enjoyed scaring my cousins by popping out of the dark, using fake blood, or throwing them out windows…” What is wrong with you? How is your idea of a joke “I just horribly injure my cousins by defenestrating them.” That’s not funny, it’s cruel and horrid.
Also, this article is full of typos. “Creey”, “Josha”. You need an editor.
Other stories:
“Assassin’s Creed 4: Black Flag Limited Edition Video Game Bundle”
“Power Rangers Head -- Commemorates 20 years on DVD”
“Mega Man Keychain Collection”
“Skylanders SWAP FORCE Adventure Pack: Tower of Time”
“Skylanders: Swap Force -- Ultimate Character Roster Update -- 27/36 Figures!”
Stories from July 19th 2013
“2013 SDCC -- Magic the Gathering All 5 Planeswalkers Cards Exclusive”
This one is leaked images of the SDCC exclusives.
“…slip one of these bad boys into your commander deck and watch the surrounding player bow at your feet! You will be a god!” Only if you build your deck to make it work. Otherwise, you could get curb stomped easily. People have played this game for years and know every intricate secret and detail. Having an exclusive isn’t enough.
“Worlds Collide! Family Guy/Simpsons Appear in Crossover Episode 2014”
Do you hear that? That’s the sound of FOX execs flailing for ideas.
“Sounds like a great plot device already. hopefully that killer chicken thing stays out of this argument.” You realize that the giant chicken fights are done when the writers realize they don’t have enough plot to fill a 22 minute episode right? I like to think that they’re not going to waste a crossover on padding. Then again……
At least Bores isn’t saying modern Simpsons is still good. Because that’s a lie.
“2103 Comic Con -- Skylanders Swap Force New Leaked Figures (Scorp, Slobber Tooth, Boom Jet, Zoo Lou, Bumbleblast)"
Oh my god! This is the third time you’ve typed out 2103! What is your fucking excuse?
And to those asking, no he still hasn’t fixed the previous instances of this. He doesn’t care.
Oh the article itself? More Skylanders shit… I don’t care.
He makes a comment about heads rolling due to this being a leak, and saying he’ll do it for $50.00 an hour. Oh goody, more “Bores is a psycho jokes”. These are always unpleasant.
“Legend of Zelda Wii U Total Revamp in the Works! Awesome!”
I don’t like where this is going.
“If you’ve watched my Legend of Zelda rants, then you’ll know of my complaints on the series not being gritty and adult themed enough for old school NES players like myself.” *holds back rage* Chris, you have no idea what you are talking about.
All your demands for “gritty Zelda” are not only unrealistic, but idiotic! Nintendo designed the series so everyone can play it, if they limit their audience to the 18-35 demographic that companies like EA only care for, they will not only lose sales, but soooo many fans. And why do you want a gritty Zelda? Because you’re insecure about playing these so called “kiddy games”. If that’s the issue, the problem isn’t Nintendo, the problem is YOU!
People that cry about Nintendo being “kiddy” are laughed at and ridiculed now. We’ve reached a point where that’s no longer a justifiable accusation. “But I don’t want to go into a store to…” Buy it online. Easy.
“I feel like I’m playing something for kids.” Yet this doesn’t bother you about Skylanders, which is clearly meant for kids? I’m stunned nobody has pointed out this hypocrisy to you. Oh that’s right, you live in a bubble of selfishness.
Also, fantasy isn’t an adult thing. Kids like it too, just look at Harry Potter. Not every fantasy story needs to be A Song of Ice and Fire. Though that fan art would be awesome.
I’d comment about this, but that would be futile.
Anyway, he shows Eiji Aonuma’s quote about the direction he wants to take Zelda, and Bores claims he wants an audience with him because he “knows” what they need to do. That he wants something he imagined as a kid and that it needs to be like Lord of the Rings. For fuck’s sake you’re a moron! If you want something “gritty” that’s kind of like Zelda? Play Darksiders, or Demon’s Souls/Dark Souls.
By the way, when Aonuma is talking about a “different direction”, he’s talking about gameplay. Making Zelda play similar to something like Skyrim. Open world with numerous side quests, a large sense of exploration. Not BLOOD GORE TITS RAAAAAH!
I’m going to laugh when Zelda Wii U is revealed, and it looks like Wind Waker. I doubt it will be that but I know it’s probably not going to look like the tech demo.
Of course, he advertises his Wii U tech demo video that somehow went viral, saying that seeing we’ll make us want “gritty” too. Time for some truth Chris, people don’t care for “gritty” anymore. In fact I’m seeing more and more people scoff or roll their eyes at something that tries to be dark.
One more thing. In the tags he spelled Ganon wrong. He spelled it “Gannon”. Chris doesn’t seem to realize that doing that angers the Zelda fan base. Along with wanting a “gritty Zelda”. “If I piss off Zelda fans, then I’ll have tons of new fans!”
"2013 Comic Con -- Batman Arkham Origins, New Assassin Copperhead… Seriously?”
This Copperhead looks okay. She reminds me too much of Catwoman or Chesire, but we’ll see how she is in the game.
Wait, this version of Copperhead is a woman. Uh oh…
“There are a bunch of others I would’ve picked over her?” Like who?
“So yes she will be one of the 5 assassins that try to kill Batman in the game.” Five? There’s eight assassins in the game! Did you even read the articles or pay attention?
He points out that this version of Copperhead will be integrated into the DC Universe, and mentions she better not show up in Batman or else “he’ll be miffed”. Why not? Copperhead can be considered a Batman villain, his first story had him fighting Batman, Wonder Woman and Batgirl. This better not be more sexism.
Also, the first villain revealed? Not a Batman villain. Deathstroke is more of a Teen Titans villain. Yes he’s shown up in other series, but overall he was more of a Titans antagonist.
“For more news on this video game title, make sure you check out my stunning interview below!” Oh it’s “stunning” alright, it left me in a confused daze.
Other stories:
“Skylanders: Swap Force -- Lightcore, Series 2 & 3 Figures Revealed Leaks!!”
“2013 Comic-Con: Bishop Confirmed in X-Men Days of Future Past Movie”
“LEGO -- Back To The Future 2 Downtown Recreation”
Well it’s the weekend, that means Bores isn’t going to bother updating. That shall be my cue to post this.
Before I go, a couple of things I want to mention.
First, there’s a new Skylanders video on YouTube. Yeah…
Second, under “Gallery”, he added a new section. “Writer Staff”. It’s just a condensed version of his biography from “Irate Entertainment”. Not sure why you called it “staff” when you’re the only employee. Do you plan to hire other writers? You do realize that writers like to get paid right?
He does mention in this bio that Pursuit of the Paranormal will “shake up the paranormal community for years to come.” Pffft, sure Bores. Keep telling yourself that.
Serious question though, does anyone know about Bores in the paranormal community? If they do, is he actually respected or is he considered just as much of a joke there as he is in the gaming community?
What tunneled vision old stories will Chris grace us with this time?
Actually before I begin, on July 19th Bores uploaded an 11 minute review(!) of Man of Steel. Well okay, the title also says he has his thoughts on the upcoming Justice League movie. Want to know a secret? It’s going to suck.
Also, Man of Steel came out last month. I know you’re often late with games but movies now? Jeez…
At the beginning, he mentions that he feels he was the only person not to like “Batman 3”. You’re not alone, not many people really liked Batman Forever. … Oh you mean The Dark Knight Rises. Well, you’re not alone in that either. A lot of people didn’t like that movie, whether it was the gaping plot holes, Bruce’s weird decision to hide for eight years, Bruce acting like an idiot around Selena Kyle, Bane’s lame death, Talia’s even lamer death, how Batman only had three major scenes in a movie that’s two and a half hours long. People had plenty to complain about.
He claims that he sees everyone praise it. Maybe you should read more forums.
And then the rest of it is him rambling about Man of Steel. Yeah, I have my limits. I really don’t care if he liked or not. If anyone is brave enough to sit through it, you have the patience of a saint.
I would attempt to sit through it, but I never saw Man of Steel. Had no interest in it, preferring to wait for it on DVD. I have heard the problems and… yeah.
Onto the news!
Continuing from July 16th 2013
“Microsoft Xbox One -- Gamers Petition For Restrictions… WHAT?!”
Like last time, we start off with another old story. The controversial petition to bring back the Xbox One’s draconian DRM. I think this is the first time Bores has ever acknowledged this issue, two months after it became public. Yes there were leaks but nothing was concrete, until the reveal that is.
Bores lists a couple of cons and pros. He seems to understand that the cons are bad, though doesn’t seem to know that the “always on” connection was changed to “once every 24 hours”. Which is still pretty bad.
However, he doesn’t seem to get the pros.
“Lower game prices” We didn’t know that would happen. A lot of Microsoft fan boys claimed this system would allow Steam-like sales. There was no proof of course, and knowing Microsoft that probably wouldn’t happen. Steam has competition, it has GOG, Direct2Drive, Origin and others.
“Microsoft’s Netflix-style system for renting games streamed straight from the internet instead of being encrypted on a CD” A luxury only US audiences could enjoy. Europe? Canada? HAHA sucks to be you! Japan? Try again next year!
He then mentions something about CDs vs. Cassettes (this isn’t really the same argument) and then claims that if anyone was offering free sundaes at Dairy Queen he would join their cause. I was wondering how long it would take to get to a food joke, and there we go. Still not funny.
Stories from July 17th 2013
“Sonic: Lost World gets a Release Date & New Moves”
He brings up the new powers shown in the trailer, and finds the music note one dumb. You do realize that these are just additional Wisp powers right? You know, the Wisps from Sonic Colors, a game that you actually played? Did you not pay attention?
Also some lame Wonder Twins jokes… whatever.
“2013 Comic Con -- Dungeons & Dragons KRE-O Sets”
I didn’t know you cared for D&D
“Now all the Irate Gamers out can throwing around figures to go along with your level 22 wizard dying.” All the Irate Gamers? You mean there’s more than one of you?! Oh wait you mean people that are just angry or something… wow that’s a really lame way to name drop your show. That would be like the Nostalgia Critic saying “To all my Nostalgia Critics out there…”
He mentions that he now wants a Magic the Gathering KRE-O set so he can slay Nicol Bolas once and for all. Not if Wizards of the Coast has anything to say.
“E3 2013 -- Buy Booth Space or Buy a Mansion?”
Ah yes, the question posed by EA higher-ups every day. “But if we invest in actual gaming, we wouldn’t be able to afford platinum door knobs for our office.”
“Accordion to Semiformal Studios, a 600 square foot space on the E3 show floor ended up running them a tab of $100,000. And that’s on the low side!” You mean space in a convention that this year got over 48,000 people in attendance is going to be… EXPENSIVE?! Gasp!
Nobody show Chris the price of Super Bowl ads, his brain would fry.
Also, “accordion to”? Are you writing these articles on your iPad with auto-correct on?
He then estimates the cost that companies are paying for E3, noting that Nintendo, Microsoft, and Sony must pay close to a million dollars. Do you know how much a million is to those three? Pocket change! Considering the AAA market dumps obscene amounts of money into a game and gets upset that selling 3.4 million copies isn’t enough, $1 million dollars is nothing!
“LEGO: The Movie Video Game in 2014”
Unsurprisingly, The Lego Movie is getting a video game tie-in.
Bores lists off every console is one (which is basically every modern one) then adds that it’s also on the Atari Jaguar, NEOGEO, and Sega Saturn adding “(just kidding… or am I?)” Yes… you are kidding. That’s not going to happen. Sorry but your jokes are still not funny.
“I wonder if LEGO’s from other LEGO video games like Batman, Indiana Jones, and Ninja Turtles will be playable in this game.” I doubt it. I know Batman and Michelangelo will show up in the movie, but I imagine the video game is another pile of legal problems not worth dealing with.
Hold on, there’s a LEGO TMNT out there? That’s the first I’m hearing of this. *looks around* There are LEGO TMNT playsets, but no video game. But double-checking facts is haaaaaaaard!
“2103 Comic-Con -- Skylanders Dread Yacht Playset that Holds Figures and Portal?!”
90 years from now, Skylanders will be big enough to have yachts? Wow, Activision hit a gold mine.
Okay seriously, that’s the second time you’ve typed out 2103 instead of 2013. Once was dumb, twice shows you just don’t care. By the way, he still hasn’t fixed the first instance. What’s the point of this site if you’re not going to try?
He’s also hoping for an exclusive Flynn figure. For those that don’t know, Flynn is an NPC. Meaning it’s not going to happen. Keep dreaming Chris.
“Selling Like Hot Cakes: XBox One, Playstation 4 Launch Bundles Sold Out”
“If you want your hands on these Consoles before Christmas, you better start looking around every nook and corner of the internet to try to score one now you lazy wait-till-the-last-minute jerk!” If I keep insulting my readers, I’ll get more fans. Logic is awesome!
“GameStop is sold out of PS4 sold out” Okay Torgo.
He ends his list of stores with Kmart and asks if they still even have an electronics section …. Yes. They do. Just because there are less stores doesn’t mean they no longer have electronics. Not funny.
Other stories:
“2013 Comic Con -- Simpsons Figures Return! NECA Making 25 Celebrity Guest Stars: First Look”
Stores from July 18th 2013
“2013 SDCC -- Batman Arkham Origins DC Collectables Figures (Batman, Bane)”
This is about figures at Comic-Con. … Yeah.
“As we speak I am preparing my fake nose and mustache disguise so I can get exclusive entrance into Comic Con as well.” Or you could just go. SDCC isn’t some exclusive event, anyone can get in. Though you’ll feel like a damn sardine doing so. Last time I went I could barely move. Three years ago there was around 130,000 people in attendance., it’s even bigger this year.
He also wonders if there will be a Black Mask figure as well. What’s your obsession with Black Mask? He’s not that amazing of a villain, he’s just a gangster.
“PlayStation 4’s Controller Originally Measured Your Sweat”
This one is just odd. Not the story itself but IG’s writing.
He says he stared at Mark Cerny for 10 minutes to get answers. What?
Then he mentions how Valve is working on sweat sensors for the next Left 4 Dead, making it sound “really intense” and to count him out of playing it. You played L4D? Oh wait I remember now, Shaolin Dave told me he played you on Steam, and you accused people of cheating. Hmmmmm.
“Parent Artist -- Scars his Children for Life in Creepy ‘Horror’ Portraits”
More pictures. The works of Joshua Hoffine, who takes pictures of his kids getting scared by stuff he edits in later. Does he take commissions? I’ve got some amazing ideas to scare children.
“Wow, and I thought I enjoyed scaring my cousins by popping out of the dark, using fake blood, or throwing them out windows…” What is wrong with you? How is your idea of a joke “I just horribly injure my cousins by defenestrating them.” That’s not funny, it’s cruel and horrid.
Also, this article is full of typos. “Creey”, “Josha”. You need an editor.
Other stories:
“Assassin’s Creed 4: Black Flag Limited Edition Video Game Bundle”
“Power Rangers Head -- Commemorates 20 years on DVD”
“Mega Man Keychain Collection”
“Skylanders SWAP FORCE Adventure Pack: Tower of Time”
“Skylanders: Swap Force -- Ultimate Character Roster Update -- 27/36 Figures!”
Stories from July 19th 2013
“2013 SDCC -- Magic the Gathering All 5 Planeswalkers Cards Exclusive”
This one is leaked images of the SDCC exclusives.
“…slip one of these bad boys into your commander deck and watch the surrounding player bow at your feet! You will be a god!” Only if you build your deck to make it work. Otherwise, you could get curb stomped easily. People have played this game for years and know every intricate secret and detail. Having an exclusive isn’t enough.
“Worlds Collide! Family Guy/Simpsons Appear in Crossover Episode 2014”
Do you hear that? That’s the sound of FOX execs flailing for ideas.
“Sounds like a great plot device already. hopefully that killer chicken thing stays out of this argument.” You realize that the giant chicken fights are done when the writers realize they don’t have enough plot to fill a 22 minute episode right? I like to think that they’re not going to waste a crossover on padding. Then again……
At least Bores isn’t saying modern Simpsons is still good. Because that’s a lie.
“2103 Comic Con -- Skylanders Swap Force New Leaked Figures (Scorp, Slobber Tooth, Boom Jet, Zoo Lou, Bumbleblast)"
Oh my god! This is the third time you’ve typed out 2103! What is your fucking excuse?
And to those asking, no he still hasn’t fixed the previous instances of this. He doesn’t care.
Oh the article itself? More Skylanders shit… I don’t care.
He makes a comment about heads rolling due to this being a leak, and saying he’ll do it for $50.00 an hour. Oh goody, more “Bores is a psycho jokes”. These are always unpleasant.
“Legend of Zelda Wii U Total Revamp in the Works! Awesome!”
I don’t like where this is going.
“If you’ve watched my Legend of Zelda rants, then you’ll know of my complaints on the series not being gritty and adult themed enough for old school NES players like myself.” *holds back rage* Chris, you have no idea what you are talking about.
All your demands for “gritty Zelda” are not only unrealistic, but idiotic! Nintendo designed the series so everyone can play it, if they limit their audience to the 18-35 demographic that companies like EA only care for, they will not only lose sales, but soooo many fans. And why do you want a gritty Zelda? Because you’re insecure about playing these so called “kiddy games”. If that’s the issue, the problem isn’t Nintendo, the problem is YOU!
People that cry about Nintendo being “kiddy” are laughed at and ridiculed now. We’ve reached a point where that’s no longer a justifiable accusation. “But I don’t want to go into a store to…” Buy it online. Easy.
“I feel like I’m playing something for kids.” Yet this doesn’t bother you about Skylanders, which is clearly meant for kids? I’m stunned nobody has pointed out this hypocrisy to you. Oh that’s right, you live in a bubble of selfishness.
Also, fantasy isn’t an adult thing. Kids like it too, just look at Harry Potter. Not every fantasy story needs to be A Song of Ice and Fire. Though that fan art would be awesome.
I’d comment about this, but that would be futile.
Anyway, he shows Eiji Aonuma’s quote about the direction he wants to take Zelda, and Bores claims he wants an audience with him because he “knows” what they need to do. That he wants something he imagined as a kid and that it needs to be like Lord of the Rings. For fuck’s sake you’re a moron! If you want something “gritty” that’s kind of like Zelda? Play Darksiders, or Demon’s Souls/Dark Souls.
By the way, when Aonuma is talking about a “different direction”, he’s talking about gameplay. Making Zelda play similar to something like Skyrim. Open world with numerous side quests, a large sense of exploration. Not BLOOD GORE TITS RAAAAAH!
I’m going to laugh when Zelda Wii U is revealed, and it looks like Wind Waker. I doubt it will be that but I know it’s probably not going to look like the tech demo.
Of course, he advertises his Wii U tech demo video that somehow went viral, saying that seeing we’ll make us want “gritty” too. Time for some truth Chris, people don’t care for “gritty” anymore. In fact I’m seeing more and more people scoff or roll their eyes at something that tries to be dark.
One more thing. In the tags he spelled Ganon wrong. He spelled it “Gannon”. Chris doesn’t seem to realize that doing that angers the Zelda fan base. Along with wanting a “gritty Zelda”. “If I piss off Zelda fans, then I’ll have tons of new fans!”
"2013 Comic Con -- Batman Arkham Origins, New Assassin Copperhead… Seriously?”
This Copperhead looks okay. She reminds me too much of Catwoman or Chesire, but we’ll see how she is in the game.
Wait, this version of Copperhead is a woman. Uh oh…
“There are a bunch of others I would’ve picked over her?” Like who?
“So yes she will be one of the 5 assassins that try to kill Batman in the game.” Five? There’s eight assassins in the game! Did you even read the articles or pay attention?
He points out that this version of Copperhead will be integrated into the DC Universe, and mentions she better not show up in Batman or else “he’ll be miffed”. Why not? Copperhead can be considered a Batman villain, his first story had him fighting Batman, Wonder Woman and Batgirl. This better not be more sexism.
Also, the first villain revealed? Not a Batman villain. Deathstroke is more of a Teen Titans villain. Yes he’s shown up in other series, but overall he was more of a Titans antagonist.
“For more news on this video game title, make sure you check out my stunning interview below!” Oh it’s “stunning” alright, it left me in a confused daze.
Other stories:
“Skylanders: Swap Force -- Lightcore, Series 2 & 3 Figures Revealed Leaks!!”
“2013 Comic-Con: Bishop Confirmed in X-Men Days of Future Past Movie”
“LEGO -- Back To The Future 2 Downtown Recreation”
Well it’s the weekend, that means Bores isn’t going to bother updating. That shall be my cue to post this.
Before I go, a couple of things I want to mention.
First, there’s a new Skylanders video on YouTube. Yeah…
Second, under “Gallery”, he added a new section. “Writer Staff”. It’s just a condensed version of his biography from “Irate Entertainment”. Not sure why you called it “staff” when you’re the only employee. Do you plan to hire other writers? You do realize that writers like to get paid right?
He does mention in this bio that Pursuit of the Paranormal will “shake up the paranormal community for years to come.” Pffft, sure Bores. Keep telling yourself that.
Serious question though, does anyone know about Bores in the paranormal community? If they do, is he actually respected or is he considered just as much of a joke there as he is in the gaming community?
Wednesday, July 17, 2013
Time Doesn't Move Normally in IG's Bubble
Normally, I don't do entire posts calling out a bad YouTube comment of his. I am making an exception to this one.
For a couple years now, IG has said time and time again that he's not making a movie and that "Season 4 is my movie". I've gone over how that would make it the worst movie ever many times now, so I won't go over it here.
A couple hours ago, Bores posted a video advertising his new site. In the comments, someone asked about an IG movie. He gave us usual response... with a twist.
"thats what season 4 is for. Where do you think the other guy got his idea hehehe"
Chris... you're a shithead.
It's pretty obvious who he's referring to, but to have the audacity to claim James Rolfe stole the movie idea from YOU? Here's some facts.
September 23rd, 2010: James Rolfe posted this video to Cinemassacre and YouTube. http://cinemassacre.com/2010/09/23/future-plans-avgn-the-movie/
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hZw6YHR2EBM
In it, he mentions that he wrote the script two years ago and the concept was in the works for even longer.
October 9th, 2010: IG posts the first episode of "Season 4", 7-Up Spot.
It was around a year later that Bores started claiming Season 4 was his movie. That was around the time James got serious with his movie.
Here's the truth. James had the idea for the movie loooong before you discovered the "amazing-ness" of HD. So to sit there and go "He got the idea from me" shows just how deep you are in your little bubble of lies.
"He's clearly being sarcastic! Stop taking everything so seriously and take the stick out of your ass!" Okay fine, he might be "sarcastic" here. But it's near impossible to tell with Bores, it's hard to tell what's real and what's not. He's built up all these walls around him that getting the truth is a Herculean task on its own. Especially since he POSES AS HIS OWN MOTHER!
And as the "e-begging spoof" established, he is not above kicking James when he's down. Say, since we've established Chris and "Linda" are the same, does that mean her comment on James e-begging to fund his kid's college fund really came from him? Woooow, what a dickhead.
Overall, Chris continues to find ways to sink lower and attack his so-called "inspirations".
For a couple years now, IG has said time and time again that he's not making a movie and that "Season 4 is my movie". I've gone over how that would make it the worst movie ever many times now, so I won't go over it here.
A couple hours ago, Bores posted a video advertising his new site. In the comments, someone asked about an IG movie. He gave us usual response... with a twist.
"thats what season 4 is for. Where do you think the other guy got his idea hehehe"
Chris... you're a shithead.
It's pretty obvious who he's referring to, but to have the audacity to claim James Rolfe stole the movie idea from YOU? Here's some facts.
September 23rd, 2010: James Rolfe posted this video to Cinemassacre and YouTube. http://cinemassacre.com/2010/09/23/future-plans-avgn-the-movie/
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hZw6YHR2EBM
In it, he mentions that he wrote the script two years ago and the concept was in the works for even longer.
October 9th, 2010: IG posts the first episode of "Season 4", 7-Up Spot.
It was around a year later that Bores started claiming Season 4 was his movie. That was around the time James got serious with his movie.
Here's the truth. James had the idea for the movie loooong before you discovered the "amazing-ness" of HD. So to sit there and go "He got the idea from me" shows just how deep you are in your little bubble of lies.
"He's clearly being sarcastic! Stop taking everything so seriously and take the stick out of your ass!" Okay fine, he might be "sarcastic" here. But it's near impossible to tell with Bores, it's hard to tell what's real and what's not. He's built up all these walls around him that getting the truth is a Herculean task on its own. Especially since he POSES AS HIS OWN MOTHER!
And as the "e-begging spoof" established, he is not above kicking James when he's down. Say, since we've established Chris and "Linda" are the same, does that mean her comment on James e-begging to fund his kid's college fund really came from him? Woooow, what a dickhead.
Overall, Chris continues to find ways to sink lower and attack his so-called "inspirations".
Tuesday, July 16, 2013
IG Attempts the News: The Start of Darkness
Welcome to a new part of the blog I like to call “IG Attempts the News”. Recently, Bores has redesigned to his site to be more like a news/interest blog a/la Destructoid or Kotaku. Only far far far far far far worse. What I’m going to do is find the worst articles and mock them. It would certainly help fill the gaps of inactivity since Bores no longer cares about making videos.
I won’t go into every article as it would take too long. However, there is something bad in every single one. See for yourself and despair.
Stories from July 12th 2013
“Worlds Most Anticipated E3 Video Game EVER - PEGGLE 2! epic FAIL!”
We start off with old news! If you’re still reporting on E3 a month after it happened, you‘re doing it wrong!
“Man this dude is my number 1 pick for the E3 2013 meme.” He became a meme the instant this happened… one month ago. I’d say someone should make an Irate Slowpoke picture, but I get the feeling he wouldn’t understand it’s insulting.
Also, he unironically uses “epic fail”… twice. I see he’s attempting to be Failblog as well.
“Entering Konami Code on Vogue’s UK website Reveals Dino Easter Egg!”
Any other site would just report this. Bores has to make it perverted.
Mentioning “ogling the sexy ladies” and “sexy velociraptors with sexy hats”. Good lord man, keep your fantasies to yourself!
Also, it’s 2013. We have high-speed internet and endless access to all kinds of porn. If you need Vogue to get off, you are sheltered as hell.
“Street Fighter’s Blanka Smacking the crap out of people”
This refers to the “Blanka is a Troll” video series, which takes footage of people falling and adds Blanka in them to make him look like the culprit. It’s funnier than anything IG puts out. Bores claims this is funny because… well read this.
“Mostly because I like to pull the same pranks of people I don’t like, but I gotta go now, the cops ared my door for filling the neighbors pool with jello”. What is wrong with you? I know it’s obviously not true, but is this the impression you want to give people? That you’re an asshole that regularly gets in trouble with the law because of expensive pranks on people you don’t like for reasons I’m imagining are petty as fuck? Is this meant to be “in-character” or are you really this big of a dickhead?
James Rolfe better not appear at E3, or Bores will tape the biggest “Kick Me” sign to his back!
“LEGO Creation - Legend of Zelda NES Overworld Map”
Okay, this one doesn’t seem so horrid, pointless Zack the Lego Maniac reference aside. *clicks article*
“Just don’t drop that sucker accidentally! Link fans around the world will kill you 10 times before your bloody carcass hits the ground. Hell I will kill you 6 of those times!” … You sound like a psychopath! Do you think that gamers are just violent by nature and are trying to act that way? Newsflash: Most actual gamers are getting pretty sick of the overly violent nature of modern gaming.
“MEGA MAN Comic Con Exclusive 25th Anniversary Book! GRAB ONE FOR ME!”
“Holy crap if anyone is going, pick one of these up for me! Hook me up!” I don’t think so Chris. You don’t have a fan rich or dedicated enough to get this for you. If someone can afford the luxury of going to Comic-Con International and have enough disposable income to buy a $100 dollar limited book, they’re either going to keep it, or sell it on eBay for like $300 dollars.
Oh, you want a copy Bores? Sure, that will be $500 dollars. I’m charging you extra so you don’t have money to spend on Skylanders.
“Wow this guy is in super smash bros, in a comic con exclusive…” Yes, you know what would be nice though? If he had a new game! Oh wait, I forgot, Capcom hates Mega Man now. Because Capcom execs are dicks.
“… I swear if they announce a mega man movie is in the works, I’m gonna have to run outside in my underwear just to calm down from excitement. It would be the 3rd time this week actually.” …………I’ve got nothing.
Actually, what would constitute you doing that twice? “OH MY GOD MONOPOLY IS BACK AT MCDONALDS!”
Also, why would you want a Mega Man movie? It would suck. Well, there is a Casshern movie. That’s close enough.
“If you are going to Comic con and get one without grabbing me one, You’re gonna regret it mister!” Wow, threatening your fans. And you wonder why nobody likes you.
Wait a second, you’re begging for an item by reaching out to the internet. Wouldn’t that constitute e-begging? Oh I see, so it’s not okay for James or other people to do it, but it’s perfectly fine for you. They say hypocrisy is not healthy.
Other stories:
“TRON 3 Movie -- It’s in the works!”
“Super Mario Bros Wedding Cake -- EPIC!”
Stories from July 15th 2013
So he’s not going to update on weekends? That’s dumb. You’re not an actual news site, you’re a blog. You can update whenever you want.
“Nintendo 3DS owners -- 4 New StreetPass Games!”
Oh yeah, this update was awesome. It also happened on Friday. Unless you live in Europe or Japan, then it happened last month. No mention of how North America got it late.
He lists the four games, then the prices.
“How will you get the money to buy these? hey that’s up to you. Lie, steal, cheat, go against man code, hey I’m not judging”. … Or people can get a job? Or use the money they already have from a job? It’s only $15 dollars for the bundle, it’s not like that $100 dollar Mega Man book you’re e-begging for. Also, man code?
He also mentions the four new puzzles in Puzzle Swap.
“Well damn it. I was 3 pieces away from completing that entire game. With this new update, I’ll probably have to collect over 100 more to complete the game! SON OF A BI***! *throws 3DS into the blender*” Okay look, I know you’re the “Irate Gamer”, but the violent acts in these news stories make you sound like an anti-social moron that doesn’t understand people. You’re acting like a terrible crime drama’s depiction of a gamer.
Man, he’s going to be even more pissed next month when NoA releases the Mario & Luigi Dream Team puzzle (Europe and Japan already got it).
“Super Smash Bros Wii-U -- Character Reveal -- Captain Olimar”
“As you would guess, Nintendo is milking these character reveals for everything they got…” You need to look up the definition of “milking”. Revealing a few screenshots of a new Smash Bros character is not milking, it wasn’t even a major deal because Pikmin & Olimar were in the last game. Really it’s only a big deal if it’s a new character, or someone from Melee returns.
“Of course it does seem highly suspicious that this reveal coincides with the release of the Pikmin 3 game being released in August.” It’s not suspicious at all. It actually makes perfect sense. Cross-promotion is advertising 101. Quit acting like there’s a conspiracy.
“Well time to be like the government and spend millions of dollars just to figure out this question while I could’ve just fond out the real answer by emailing my Nintendo rep” … What? Ignoring the terrible political slam, even if you did have a Nintendo rep (which you clearly don’t), he wouldn’t know anything. He doesn’t run the new Dojo.
“2013 SDCC Exclusive -- Golden Pac-Man Avi Arad’s Limited Edition Figure”
There’s one line that stood out. This Pac-Man figurine has a long tongue, prompting Bores to say this.
“Other than putting that to good use with the ladies…” Okay seriously, what’s with the perverted Pac-Man jokes? First it’s the “sequel” to the first-person Pac-Man where we watch him have sex with Ms. Pac-Man, now it’s a joke about having a long tongue. This is all kinds of disturbing.
“Nintendo Famicom turns 30 years old today”
Oh hey, news that isn’t days late. I guess we can thank Scottie E. for that tip (going by the bottom of the article).
“Something that will probably be in History of Video games part 43 or something. lol” Oh please, like you’ll ever get that far. Also, wasn’t SNES meant be Part 40 or something? You have no idea what you’re doing do you? That seems to be a common theme.
“Happy Birthday Famicom! Thanks for making me feel so old you piece of ****!” Why are you censoring yourself? If you’re trying to look “professional”, you failed that days ago. Also, why is the censoring inconsistent? You only partially censored “bitch” up in the Streetpass article, while here you completely censor “shit”. I’d ask if he proofread this, but the insane number of typos and spelling errors tells me already.
“Super Mario Bros Still Life -- Power Up Flowers, Mushrooms, Shells & More”
Another “check out dis cool picture” post. Doesn’t seem to have much wrong until…
He thanks someone named Gary for the tip and… oooh boy.
“Hopefully he can also steal this thing for me from the artist’s house while she’s not home shopping. This would look great above my Mario pipe shaped urinal.” Woooow. You’re a sociopath Bores. This isn’t even funny, it’s just horrible.
Why would you assume that Gary knows the artist? He may have just stumbled upon, or was a fan of her work and yours and showed it to you.
Also, “not home shopping”, there are many reasons someone can leave the house. Work, school, appointments, gym, events, movies, concerts, etc. Why did your mind immediately go to shopping? Because she’s a woman? More and more evidence that Chris is a sexist pig.
Seriously, Chris is starting to really resemble Ethan from Ctrl-Alt-Del. Who keep in mind is a self-insert of Tim Buckley. They attempt to sound like “hardcore gamers” by acting like socially retarded morons that make everything about video games, no matter what. They both even have robot sidekicks in their universes! The difference is that ROB isn’t a rip-off of Bender.
“2103 SDCC Comic Con News -- LEGO Exclusive Figures”
Bores has news from 90 years in the future?! He’s a better journalist than I thought.
This post is about exclusive Comic-Con LEGO mini-figs that a lucky con-goer can win.
I’m also bringing this article up because he uses the term “happy ass” but spells it “a$$”. In the Pac-Man figure article mentioned earlier, he uses “happy ass” but spells it normally. Pick something and fucking stick with it!
Oh and he hates Spider-Woman, commenting that nobody wants her and that if he won her in the contest, he’d be “hella pissed off”. Do you just hate super-heroines? You hate Storm, you hate She-Hulk, and now you hate Spider-Woman. This better not be more of your sexism.
“DUCKTALES Remastered -- Release Dates Confirmed”
Hooray, more old news! This one from last Thursday.
I love how he says the PR people at Capcom gave the news to him, like it wasn’t widely available for days.
He also threatens to beat up anyone that spoils the ending. Charming.
Ending on an “angreh” picture of him in front of the DuckTales box at E3.
Other stories:
“New Batch of Injustice: Gods Among Us DLC -- Martian Manhunter, John Stewart”
Stories from July 16th 2013
“2013 SDCC -- Wizards of the Coast Magic Exclusive Planeswalkers Cards (5)”
Why are you reporting on Comic Con exclusives? You’re not going.
*reads through* Oh, is this your way of telling your fans that might be going to give him stuff? There’s a pretty blatant plea in there.
He also claims he has PR rep at Wizards of the Coast. NO YOU DON’T! Quit claiming you have connections. Because you don’t!
“Angry Birds: Star Wars II -- Now it’s Skylanderish!”
Of course it is… and of course he brings it up.
He notes that he wants his upcoming game to have something like that. Until I see some god damn footage, your game isn’t real.
“Capcom Job Layoffs?!”
Aw yeah smell dat old news. Smells like turtle brains.
“Could this be a sign they are in financial trouble?” Yes! All their big titles failed too meet their expectations! Street Fighter X Tekken bombed, Resident Evil 6 bombed, DmC: Devil May Cry bombed AND alienated the fanbase. I’m pretty sure Lost Planet 3 will bomb as well. You can tell they’re desperate with Ultra Street Fighter IV.
“We recently saw THQ go bankrupt, Take Two games passed on buying booth space at E3 which sounds off the alarm bells…” First off, it’s Take-Two Interactive, not Take-Two Games. Second, this is the company in charge of Bioshock and Grand Theft Auto. They are not in trouble. They just chose not to be at E3 this year, that’s it.
“… Konami had a terrible line up at E3, and now Camcom?” Give up on Konami. They’re nothing more than MGS and that awful Castlevania reboot now. Also, PROOFREAD YOUR SHIT!
He then claims the person behind Capcom’s troubles is … Dr. Wiley. You’re still not funny, and you spelled Dr. Wily wrong. Twice. Uggggh.
“Skylanders Monopoly -- Now Corners the Board Game Market”
I’d say I’m surprised, but there’s a Monopoly board for everything. As seen here: http://www.oddee.com/item_97891.aspx And that’s just the beginning.
“Well Skylanders is not stopping with just video games, figures, carrying cases, pillows, bedsheets, McDonald Toys, and stuffed animals,” Yes, more crap you can spend your YouTube money on. And it’s creepy too since you don’t have kids
Also, the tip was sent in by a Scottie S. Do people named Scott or Scottie just like Bores? Weird.
Other stories:
X-Men Days of Future Past -- Story Revealed, Be Prepared…
Wow… that was only three days of news. How do you screw up something this simple? Awful jokes ranging from disturbing to disgusting, misinformation everywhere, e-begging, and somehow this is what he thinks people want? This has definitely shown an uglier side of Bores, and all the typos and grammar mistakes are so similar to “Linda” that the evidence they’re the same continues to pile up.
I will do this again. Hopefully the initial shock has worn off by then.
I won’t go into every article as it would take too long. However, there is something bad in every single one. See for yourself and despair.
Stories from July 12th 2013
“Worlds Most Anticipated E3 Video Game EVER - PEGGLE 2! epic FAIL!”
We start off with old news! If you’re still reporting on E3 a month after it happened, you‘re doing it wrong!
“Man this dude is my number 1 pick for the E3 2013 meme.” He became a meme the instant this happened… one month ago. I’d say someone should make an Irate Slowpoke picture, but I get the feeling he wouldn’t understand it’s insulting.
Also, he unironically uses “epic fail”… twice. I see he’s attempting to be Failblog as well.
“Entering Konami Code on Vogue’s UK website Reveals Dino Easter Egg!”
Any other site would just report this. Bores has to make it perverted.
Mentioning “ogling the sexy ladies” and “sexy velociraptors with sexy hats”. Good lord man, keep your fantasies to yourself!
Also, it’s 2013. We have high-speed internet and endless access to all kinds of porn. If you need Vogue to get off, you are sheltered as hell.
“Street Fighter’s Blanka Smacking the crap out of people”
This refers to the “Blanka is a Troll” video series, which takes footage of people falling and adds Blanka in them to make him look like the culprit. It’s funnier than anything IG puts out. Bores claims this is funny because… well read this.
“Mostly because I like to pull the same pranks of people I don’t like, but I gotta go now, the cops ared my door for filling the neighbors pool with jello”. What is wrong with you? I know it’s obviously not true, but is this the impression you want to give people? That you’re an asshole that regularly gets in trouble with the law because of expensive pranks on people you don’t like for reasons I’m imagining are petty as fuck? Is this meant to be “in-character” or are you really this big of a dickhead?
James Rolfe better not appear at E3, or Bores will tape the biggest “Kick Me” sign to his back!
“LEGO Creation - Legend of Zelda NES Overworld Map”
Okay, this one doesn’t seem so horrid, pointless Zack the Lego Maniac reference aside. *clicks article*
“Just don’t drop that sucker accidentally! Link fans around the world will kill you 10 times before your bloody carcass hits the ground. Hell I will kill you 6 of those times!” … You sound like a psychopath! Do you think that gamers are just violent by nature and are trying to act that way? Newsflash: Most actual gamers are getting pretty sick of the overly violent nature of modern gaming.
“MEGA MAN Comic Con Exclusive 25th Anniversary Book! GRAB ONE FOR ME!”
“Holy crap if anyone is going, pick one of these up for me! Hook me up!” I don’t think so Chris. You don’t have a fan rich or dedicated enough to get this for you. If someone can afford the luxury of going to Comic-Con International and have enough disposable income to buy a $100 dollar limited book, they’re either going to keep it, or sell it on eBay for like $300 dollars.
Oh, you want a copy Bores? Sure, that will be $500 dollars. I’m charging you extra so you don’t have money to spend on Skylanders.
“Wow this guy is in super smash bros, in a comic con exclusive…” Yes, you know what would be nice though? If he had a new game! Oh wait, I forgot, Capcom hates Mega Man now. Because Capcom execs are dicks.
“… I swear if they announce a mega man movie is in the works, I’m gonna have to run outside in my underwear just to calm down from excitement. It would be the 3rd time this week actually.” …………I’ve got nothing.
Actually, what would constitute you doing that twice? “OH MY GOD MONOPOLY IS BACK AT MCDONALDS!”
Also, why would you want a Mega Man movie? It would suck. Well, there is a Casshern movie. That’s close enough.
“If you are going to Comic con and get one without grabbing me one, You’re gonna regret it mister!” Wow, threatening your fans. And you wonder why nobody likes you.
Wait a second, you’re begging for an item by reaching out to the internet. Wouldn’t that constitute e-begging? Oh I see, so it’s not okay for James or other people to do it, but it’s perfectly fine for you. They say hypocrisy is not healthy.
Other stories:
“TRON 3 Movie -- It’s in the works!”
“Super Mario Bros Wedding Cake -- EPIC!”
Stories from July 15th 2013
So he’s not going to update on weekends? That’s dumb. You’re not an actual news site, you’re a blog. You can update whenever you want.
“Nintendo 3DS owners -- 4 New StreetPass Games!”
Oh yeah, this update was awesome. It also happened on Friday. Unless you live in Europe or Japan, then it happened last month. No mention of how North America got it late.
He lists the four games, then the prices.
“How will you get the money to buy these? hey that’s up to you. Lie, steal, cheat, go against man code, hey I’m not judging”. … Or people can get a job? Or use the money they already have from a job? It’s only $15 dollars for the bundle, it’s not like that $100 dollar Mega Man book you’re e-begging for. Also, man code?
He also mentions the four new puzzles in Puzzle Swap.
“Well damn it. I was 3 pieces away from completing that entire game. With this new update, I’ll probably have to collect over 100 more to complete the game! SON OF A BI***! *throws 3DS into the blender*” Okay look, I know you’re the “Irate Gamer”, but the violent acts in these news stories make you sound like an anti-social moron that doesn’t understand people. You’re acting like a terrible crime drama’s depiction of a gamer.
Man, he’s going to be even more pissed next month when NoA releases the Mario & Luigi Dream Team puzzle (Europe and Japan already got it).
“Super Smash Bros Wii-U -- Character Reveal -- Captain Olimar”
“As you would guess, Nintendo is milking these character reveals for everything they got…” You need to look up the definition of “milking”. Revealing a few screenshots of a new Smash Bros character is not milking, it wasn’t even a major deal because Pikmin & Olimar were in the last game. Really it’s only a big deal if it’s a new character, or someone from Melee returns.
“Of course it does seem highly suspicious that this reveal coincides with the release of the Pikmin 3 game being released in August.” It’s not suspicious at all. It actually makes perfect sense. Cross-promotion is advertising 101. Quit acting like there’s a conspiracy.
“Well time to be like the government and spend millions of dollars just to figure out this question while I could’ve just fond out the real answer by emailing my Nintendo rep” … What? Ignoring the terrible political slam, even if you did have a Nintendo rep (which you clearly don’t), he wouldn’t know anything. He doesn’t run the new Dojo.
“2013 SDCC Exclusive -- Golden Pac-Man Avi Arad’s Limited Edition Figure”
There’s one line that stood out. This Pac-Man figurine has a long tongue, prompting Bores to say this.
“Other than putting that to good use with the ladies…” Okay seriously, what’s with the perverted Pac-Man jokes? First it’s the “sequel” to the first-person Pac-Man where we watch him have sex with Ms. Pac-Man, now it’s a joke about having a long tongue. This is all kinds of disturbing.
“Nintendo Famicom turns 30 years old today”
Oh hey, news that isn’t days late. I guess we can thank Scottie E. for that tip (going by the bottom of the article).
“Something that will probably be in History of Video games part 43 or something. lol” Oh please, like you’ll ever get that far. Also, wasn’t SNES meant be Part 40 or something? You have no idea what you’re doing do you? That seems to be a common theme.
“Happy Birthday Famicom! Thanks for making me feel so old you piece of ****!” Why are you censoring yourself? If you’re trying to look “professional”, you failed that days ago. Also, why is the censoring inconsistent? You only partially censored “bitch” up in the Streetpass article, while here you completely censor “shit”. I’d ask if he proofread this, but the insane number of typos and spelling errors tells me already.
“Super Mario Bros Still Life -- Power Up Flowers, Mushrooms, Shells & More”
Another “check out dis cool picture” post. Doesn’t seem to have much wrong until…
He thanks someone named Gary for the tip and… oooh boy.
“Hopefully he can also steal this thing for me from the artist’s house while she’s not home shopping. This would look great above my Mario pipe shaped urinal.” Woooow. You’re a sociopath Bores. This isn’t even funny, it’s just horrible.
Why would you assume that Gary knows the artist? He may have just stumbled upon, or was a fan of her work and yours and showed it to you.
Also, “not home shopping”, there are many reasons someone can leave the house. Work, school, appointments, gym, events, movies, concerts, etc. Why did your mind immediately go to shopping? Because she’s a woman? More and more evidence that Chris is a sexist pig.
Seriously, Chris is starting to really resemble Ethan from Ctrl-Alt-Del. Who keep in mind is a self-insert of Tim Buckley. They attempt to sound like “hardcore gamers” by acting like socially retarded morons that make everything about video games, no matter what. They both even have robot sidekicks in their universes! The difference is that ROB isn’t a rip-off of Bender.
“2103 SDCC Comic Con News -- LEGO Exclusive Figures”
Bores has news from 90 years in the future?! He’s a better journalist than I thought.
This post is about exclusive Comic-Con LEGO mini-figs that a lucky con-goer can win.
I’m also bringing this article up because he uses the term “happy ass” but spells it “a$$”. In the Pac-Man figure article mentioned earlier, he uses “happy ass” but spells it normally. Pick something and fucking stick with it!
Oh and he hates Spider-Woman, commenting that nobody wants her and that if he won her in the contest, he’d be “hella pissed off”. Do you just hate super-heroines? You hate Storm, you hate She-Hulk, and now you hate Spider-Woman. This better not be more of your sexism.
“DUCKTALES Remastered -- Release Dates Confirmed”
Hooray, more old news! This one from last Thursday.
I love how he says the PR people at Capcom gave the news to him, like it wasn’t widely available for days.
He also threatens to beat up anyone that spoils the ending. Charming.
Ending on an “angreh” picture of him in front of the DuckTales box at E3.
Other stories:
“New Batch of Injustice: Gods Among Us DLC -- Martian Manhunter, John Stewart”
Stories from July 16th 2013
“2013 SDCC -- Wizards of the Coast Magic Exclusive Planeswalkers Cards (5)”
Why are you reporting on Comic Con exclusives? You’re not going.
*reads through* Oh, is this your way of telling your fans that might be going to give him stuff? There’s a pretty blatant plea in there.
He also claims he has PR rep at Wizards of the Coast. NO YOU DON’T! Quit claiming you have connections. Because you don’t!
“Angry Birds: Star Wars II -- Now it’s Skylanderish!”
Of course it is… and of course he brings it up.
He notes that he wants his upcoming game to have something like that. Until I see some god damn footage, your game isn’t real.
“Capcom Job Layoffs?!”
Aw yeah smell dat old news. Smells like turtle brains.
“Could this be a sign they are in financial trouble?” Yes! All their big titles failed too meet their expectations! Street Fighter X Tekken bombed, Resident Evil 6 bombed, DmC: Devil May Cry bombed AND alienated the fanbase. I’m pretty sure Lost Planet 3 will bomb as well. You can tell they’re desperate with Ultra Street Fighter IV.
“We recently saw THQ go bankrupt, Take Two games passed on buying booth space at E3 which sounds off the alarm bells…” First off, it’s Take-Two Interactive, not Take-Two Games. Second, this is the company in charge of Bioshock and Grand Theft Auto. They are not in trouble. They just chose not to be at E3 this year, that’s it.
“… Konami had a terrible line up at E3, and now Camcom?” Give up on Konami. They’re nothing more than MGS and that awful Castlevania reboot now. Also, PROOFREAD YOUR SHIT!
He then claims the person behind Capcom’s troubles is … Dr. Wiley. You’re still not funny, and you spelled Dr. Wily wrong. Twice. Uggggh.
“Skylanders Monopoly -- Now Corners the Board Game Market”
I’d say I’m surprised, but there’s a Monopoly board for everything. As seen here: http://www.oddee.com/item_97891.aspx And that’s just the beginning.
“Well Skylanders is not stopping with just video games, figures, carrying cases, pillows, bedsheets, McDonald Toys, and stuffed animals,” Yes, more crap you can spend your YouTube money on. And it’s creepy too since you don’t have kids
Also, the tip was sent in by a Scottie S. Do people named Scott or Scottie just like Bores? Weird.
Other stories:
X-Men Days of Future Past -- Story Revealed, Be Prepared…
Wow… that was only three days of news. How do you screw up something this simple? Awful jokes ranging from disturbing to disgusting, misinformation everywhere, e-begging, and somehow this is what he thinks people want? This has definitely shown an uglier side of Bores, and all the typos and grammar mistakes are so similar to “Linda” that the evidence they’re the same continues to pile up.
I will do this again. Hopefully the initial shock has worn off by then.
Wednesday, July 10, 2013
Breaking News! IG Has Launched His New Site! It Looks Horrid.
Turns out I was wrong in my last post, his new website is already here.
Now powered by Wordpress, the new IG site is Chris' latest attempt to look legit. He still fails.
The first big new thing is... news. He now reports news stories. Look out Kotaku, you have competition!
As of this posting, the latest story is about Conan O'Brien at E3 and how he missed seeing him. Shit, that Kotaku comparison was apt. This is old news.
But there's more, turns out he missed seeing Trey Parker and Matt Stone as well (he actually got their names right). I see he's making this all about him, calling himself the "king of missed guests". Nobody cares about the guests!
He did mention he saw JJ Abrams and he smacked him for blowing up Planet Vulcan in Star Trek 09. I'm sure there's some Frenchmen that would love to smack you for blowing up a certain office building. No I'm not letting that go.
Scrolling down, other news stories include a picture of a Portal cake *sighs* Seriously? Did you just discover Portal and not realize those jokes are waaaaaay past expiration date?
There's also Skylanders stories. No surprise there.
The "News" drop-down menu at the top of the page has four categories. "Video Game", "Show News" (which has nothing) "Skylanders" (ENOUGH!) and "Random Pop Culture". The last one only has links to the two IG Shorts he made. Wouldn't that be under Show News? Can't even get categories right...
The next drop-down menu is Game Reviews, listing his three video game related shows.
*clicks IG Neo* Oh, of course he doesn't list every single review. That would require effort. I don't see Sonic Generations, or the 3-in-1, or Video Game Roundup.
Also, couldn't he have picked better images? The one for Arkham City makes him look psychotic.
*clicks regular IG show* Wait a second, Season 5?! So you're telling me the last three episodes were part of a new season? Thanks for informing us asshole! You clearly have no idea what you're doing, do you?
The other... seasons are listed on separate pages with links to each episode. Turns out Season 4 is only 6 episodes, taking tips from the BBC. Also, if that was meant to be his "movie", it would have a single digit score on Rotten Tomatoes. Such a convoluted and poorly paced mess.
"Year of the Story Arc!" I think you need to check your dates. The 7-Up video came out in 2010, and the X-Men video came out in 2012 (both in October). That's a bit more than a year. Then again, this inability to grasp the concept of time would explain the long delays,.
Next on the top menu is "Game Releases", which contains a list of upcoming video game releases. Why? You're probably not going to review 90% of these games, so why .list this? You're not GameSpot or GiantBomb (R.I.P. Ryan Davis).
It's also missing a lot of titles. I don't see Shin Megami Tensei IV, Tales of Xillia, The Wonderful 101, Monolith Soft's X, Bayonetta 2, and probably some others. What's that? Those are niche titles that only a select few would care for? It's my blog, I can complain about what I want.
To be fair, he does encourage people to e-mail him titles he missed. But, I don't think he's even heard of most of these games. The Witcher III, Total War: Rome II, The Bureau: XCOM Declassified ... he even gets titles wrong. Calling Infamous Second Son "Infamous 2 Second Son". Hey moron, we already have an Infamous 2, it's called Infamous 2.
Hold on, what's that say under August? "The Irate Gamer Game". You seriously think it's coming out next month? HAHAHA, you're a fool Chris if you ever think that game is coming. You got scammed.
The next few menus are the Gallery, with links to his "posters" and fan art. Either he hasn't uploaded them or his site is shit and I can't see them.
Followed by "Submit a Tip" and "Store". How long until you think the Submit a Tip page will go down thanks to trolls?
What's this? He has a comment box now? Hahahahahahaha AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAAHAHA! Oh wait, he could just moderate them. Oh well.
And that's his new site. You still fail Chris. You will never convince people you're a gamer.
EXTRA NOTE: I am aware that this site will likely get updated as time goes on. For those reading this in the future, this was what I saw the first time I saw the redesign.
Now powered by Wordpress, the new IG site is Chris' latest attempt to look legit. He still fails.
The first big new thing is... news. He now reports news stories. Look out Kotaku, you have competition!
As of this posting, the latest story is about Conan O'Brien at E3 and how he missed seeing him. Shit, that Kotaku comparison was apt. This is old news.
But there's more, turns out he missed seeing Trey Parker and Matt Stone as well (he actually got their names right). I see he's making this all about him, calling himself the "king of missed guests". Nobody cares about the guests!
He did mention he saw JJ Abrams and he smacked him for blowing up Planet Vulcan in Star Trek 09. I'm sure there's some Frenchmen that would love to smack you for blowing up a certain office building. No I'm not letting that go.
Scrolling down, other news stories include a picture of a Portal cake *sighs* Seriously? Did you just discover Portal and not realize those jokes are waaaaaay past expiration date?
There's also Skylanders stories. No surprise there.
The "News" drop-down menu at the top of the page has four categories. "Video Game", "Show News" (which has nothing) "Skylanders" (ENOUGH!) and "Random Pop Culture". The last one only has links to the two IG Shorts he made. Wouldn't that be under Show News? Can't even get categories right...
The next drop-down menu is Game Reviews, listing his three video game related shows.
*clicks IG Neo* Oh, of course he doesn't list every single review. That would require effort. I don't see Sonic Generations, or the 3-in-1, or Video Game Roundup.
Also, couldn't he have picked better images? The one for Arkham City makes him look psychotic.
*clicks regular IG show* Wait a second, Season 5?! So you're telling me the last three episodes were part of a new season? Thanks for informing us asshole! You clearly have no idea what you're doing, do you?
The other... seasons are listed on separate pages with links to each episode. Turns out Season 4 is only 6 episodes, taking tips from the BBC. Also, if that was meant to be his "movie", it would have a single digit score on Rotten Tomatoes. Such a convoluted and poorly paced mess.
"Year of the Story Arc!" I think you need to check your dates. The 7-Up video came out in 2010, and the X-Men video came out in 2012 (both in October). That's a bit more than a year. Then again, this inability to grasp the concept of time would explain the long delays,.
Next on the top menu is "Game Releases", which contains a list of upcoming video game releases. Why? You're probably not going to review 90% of these games, so why .list this? You're not GameSpot or GiantBomb (R.I.P. Ryan Davis).
It's also missing a lot of titles. I don't see Shin Megami Tensei IV, Tales of Xillia, The Wonderful 101, Monolith Soft's X, Bayonetta 2, and probably some others. What's that? Those are niche titles that only a select few would care for? It's my blog, I can complain about what I want.
To be fair, he does encourage people to e-mail him titles he missed. But, I don't think he's even heard of most of these games. The Witcher III, Total War: Rome II, The Bureau: XCOM Declassified ... he even gets titles wrong. Calling Infamous Second Son "Infamous 2 Second Son". Hey moron, we already have an Infamous 2, it's called Infamous 2.
Hold on, what's that say under August? "The Irate Gamer Game". You seriously think it's coming out next month? HAHAHA, you're a fool Chris if you ever think that game is coming. You got scammed.
The next few menus are the Gallery, with links to his "posters" and fan art. Either he hasn't uploaded them or his site is shit and I can't see them.
Followed by "Submit a Tip" and "Store". How long until you think the Submit a Tip page will go down thanks to trolls?
What's this? He has a comment box now? Hahahahahahaha AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAAHAHA! Oh wait, he could just moderate them. Oh well.
And that's his new site. You still fail Chris. You will never convince people you're a gamer.
EXTRA NOTE: I am aware that this site will likely get updated as time goes on. For those reading this in the future, this was what I saw the first time I saw the redesign.
Updates of the Future Today!
For those waiting for the next E3 recap, cut your anticipation.
Bores wrote on Facebook that all the E3 videos are up. No Top 5 Lists this year? Good lord, this really is his laziest year.
He also mentioned he's working on a big site update. Oh goody, expect more video delays.......
I suspect Bores cut the E3 stuff short as not only was he bleeding subscribers, he was barely getting views. Even his crutch Skylanders was failing to bring in view-cash, and that's saying a lot.
Is there anything else? He uploaded his Injustice review to YouTube. You can read my recap of that here: http://irategamersucks.blogspot.com/2013/04/will-there-be-no-justice-for-injustice.html
Knowing Chris, his site redesign will be delayed in favor of posing as his mother some more. Disgusting.
Bores wrote on Facebook that all the E3 videos are up. No Top 5 Lists this year? Good lord, this really is his laziest year.
He also mentioned he's working on a big site update. Oh goody, expect more video delays.......
I suspect Bores cut the E3 stuff short as not only was he bleeding subscribers, he was barely getting views. Even his crutch Skylanders was failing to bring in view-cash, and that's saying a lot.
Is there anything else? He uploaded his Injustice review to YouTube. You can read my recap of that here: http://irategamersucks.blogspot.com/2013/04/will-there-be-no-justice-for-injustice.html
Knowing Chris, his site redesign will be delayed in favor of posing as his mother some more. Disgusting.
Saturday, July 6, 2013
E3 2013 Part 3: A Whole Lot of Nothing
Last time, in Irate Gamer’s E3 coverage.
TOO MUCH SKYLANDERS!
Chris tries his hand at simple gameplay footage and even fails that.
He inexplicably talks about a first-person shooter.
He might actually be a fan of Diablo, but I still question it.
Chris gushes over another Kinect game, even though it would be impossible to play it considering the size of his room.
And now, the continuation.
Video #20: Assassin’s Creed IV Black Flag - E3 2013 Interview Preview
June 29th 2013
Exclusive to YouTube
I don’t get why Chris is suddenly so excited for Assassin’s Creed. He’s never talked about it on the show, and his interview about ACIII last year felt like an assignment from Steve. Now he’s all “It was the second most amazing thing behind Batman!” Maybe he thinks Edward is like Batman?
*reads description* “Checking out the 4th installment!” Actually, not counting the DS/PSP/Vita games, this it the sixth Assassin’s Creed game. Brotherhood and Revelations are kind of like “2.5” and “2.75”.But I doubt he knows much about the series since this is the first title he’s shown any interest in.
Most of his questions are off of info he saw at last year’s E3 on ACIII. GotGame, if one of your journalists knows nothing about a series, don’t fucking send him to ask questions about it.
“I bet you guys did a lot of research” He mentioned this last year too… did he just copy the same questions and bullet points he had? Maybe it’s a satire on the gaming industry? How games like Assassin’s Creed and Call of Duty release annual installments with very few changes made to the overall experience? No… that’s far too smart for Bores. He was just lazy.
“I’m kind of a history buff myself” HAHAHAHAHAHA! Oh wait, you were serious.
“I can’t wait to play this game” Every time he says that about an M-rated title, there’s only a 10% chance he’s actually going to play it.
Video #21: Disney’s Infinity - E3 2013 Interview Preview Toys
June 30th 2013
Exclusive to YouTube.
I figured he would talk about this. He fucking loves Skylanders, so it wouldn’t surprise me he would look at Disney’s own version of it.
I swear, Bores never pays attention to what the reps are saying. She gets done explaining something, and he asks something that was just explained to him.
Ugh… we’re going into July people.
Video #22: Skylanders Swap Force - Iron Jaw Gulch Level - Gameplay e3 2013 (No Audio)
July 3rd 2013
Exclusive to YouTube.
If you’re wondering about the dates, he didn’t upload anything new on the 1st or 2nd. Just reuploads of the Lego Marvel Super Heroes and Diablo III videos to YouTube, both of which I covered last time.
Anyway, it’s another gameplay video. No audio again. In the description, he says we wouldn’t be able to hear it due to the all the noise. That’s no excuse for not putting music over it. Let me search Skylanders Giants OST … oh look, there’s music on YouTube. Quit being a lazy moron.
Even the fans didn’t like it, by the time I found the video it had more dislikes than likes.
The video runs at 13 minutes 41 seconds, waaaay longer than the Mario videos.
I’m not going to watch this… no reason to.
Video #23: Skylanders Swap Force - Rampant Ruins - Gameplay e3 2013 (No Audio) HD
July 4th 2013 (Happy Independence Day)
Exclusive to YouTube
Second verse, same as the first. What can I really say?
It’s past July 5th now, and he hasn’t posted anything else. I’d say he’s winding down, but I honestly have no idea. We’ll know when he posts those Top 5 lists.
Will GotGame ever learn their lesson and realize bringing him to E3 is always a bad idea?
TOO MUCH SKYLANDERS!
Chris tries his hand at simple gameplay footage and even fails that.
He inexplicably talks about a first-person shooter.
He might actually be a fan of Diablo, but I still question it.
Chris gushes over another Kinect game, even though it would be impossible to play it considering the size of his room.
And now, the continuation.
Video #20: Assassin’s Creed IV Black Flag - E3 2013 Interview Preview
June 29th 2013
Exclusive to YouTube
I don’t get why Chris is suddenly so excited for Assassin’s Creed. He’s never talked about it on the show, and his interview about ACIII last year felt like an assignment from Steve. Now he’s all “It was the second most amazing thing behind Batman!” Maybe he thinks Edward is like Batman?
*reads description* “Checking out the 4th installment!” Actually, not counting the DS/PSP/Vita games, this it the sixth Assassin’s Creed game. Brotherhood and Revelations are kind of like “2.5” and “2.75”.But I doubt he knows much about the series since this is the first title he’s shown any interest in.
Most of his questions are off of info he saw at last year’s E3 on ACIII. GotGame, if one of your journalists knows nothing about a series, don’t fucking send him to ask questions about it.
“I bet you guys did a lot of research” He mentioned this last year too… did he just copy the same questions and bullet points he had? Maybe it’s a satire on the gaming industry? How games like Assassin’s Creed and Call of Duty release annual installments with very few changes made to the overall experience? No… that’s far too smart for Bores. He was just lazy.
“I’m kind of a history buff myself” HAHAHAHAHAHA! Oh wait, you were serious.
“I can’t wait to play this game” Every time he says that about an M-rated title, there’s only a 10% chance he’s actually going to play it.
Video #21: Disney’s Infinity - E3 2013 Interview Preview Toys
June 30th 2013
Exclusive to YouTube.
I figured he would talk about this. He fucking loves Skylanders, so it wouldn’t surprise me he would look at Disney’s own version of it.
I swear, Bores never pays attention to what the reps are saying. She gets done explaining something, and he asks something that was just explained to him.
Ugh… we’re going into July people.
Video #22: Skylanders Swap Force - Iron Jaw Gulch Level - Gameplay e3 2013 (No Audio)
July 3rd 2013
Exclusive to YouTube.
If you’re wondering about the dates, he didn’t upload anything new on the 1st or 2nd. Just reuploads of the Lego Marvel Super Heroes and Diablo III videos to YouTube, both of which I covered last time.
Anyway, it’s another gameplay video. No audio again. In the description, he says we wouldn’t be able to hear it due to the all the noise. That’s no excuse for not putting music over it. Let me search Skylanders Giants OST … oh look, there’s music on YouTube. Quit being a lazy moron.
Even the fans didn’t like it, by the time I found the video it had more dislikes than likes.
The video runs at 13 minutes 41 seconds, waaaay longer than the Mario videos.
I’m not going to watch this… no reason to.
Video #23: Skylanders Swap Force - Rampant Ruins - Gameplay e3 2013 (No Audio) HD
July 4th 2013 (Happy Independence Day)
Exclusive to YouTube
Second verse, same as the first. What can I really say?
It’s past July 5th now, and he hasn’t posted anything else. I’d say he’s winding down, but I honestly have no idea. We’ll know when he posts those Top 5 lists.
Will GotGame ever learn their lesson and realize bringing him to E3 is always a bad idea?
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