Hope you’re all getting vaccinated. Make sure to schedule an appointment.
Oh? Bores posted something new, huh. *goes to check* … Are you serious? Kool-Aid again?! You can’t seriously be this creatively bankrupt. Surely, you can get outside your bubble and find a new topic. Are you hoping your fans forget you already covered this? Are you trying to appeal to new fans? It’s a pointless endeavor either way.
The video’s a little over 12 minutes, it won’t be too bad. … I hope.
We open on IG walking in front of his 80’s set. It still has Ren & Stimpy, it still has the Death of Superman, and he added Dragon Ball Z figures. Including Super Saiyan Vegeta, Mr. Satan, and Kid Buu, all of whom were not introduced until the 90’s. Is it that hard to fact check your stupid toys?
Anyway, he’s going to talk about Kool-Aid, and holds up a Kool-Aid Man toy.
Intro plays. Okay here’s something I don’t get. The video opens with the explosive “Irate Gamer” intro, but then he includes another for I Rate the 80’s (featuring royalty free Van Halen). Why have two intros?
He says Kool-Aid began in 1928. Incorrect, it’s 1927. Are you doing this on purpose?
He mentions flavored drinks were becoming commonplace. Okay, what were the other ones? … Not going to tell us?
He mentions the other “Kool-Aid” ventures while showing old photos, and eventually how they developed flavor packs. Listing the first flavors, then how they sold Kool-Aid to General Foods in 1954 (it was actually 1953, I am convinced he’s doing this on purpose).
More listing off flavors, the 60’s had more TVs with more commercials and newspaper ads. Claiming that kids gravitated towards one with a face on a pitcher. What’s your source on this Chris?
He doesn’t mention “Pitcher Man” but shows an old commercial from the 50’s when he didn’t have limbs. He just jumps ahead to the 70’s when he officially became the Kool-Aid Man. Showing some commercials, describing what happens in them, then he uses the phrase “recipe for win”. How do you do, fellow kids?!
He then brings up that he got to have a talk with Tom Anthony, the stuntman that played the Kool-Aid Man in the original 70’s commercials. Oh really.
He plays a bit, but I have my doubts that Chris actually conducted the interview. Mr. Anthony’s quality sounds really bad, like much older than 2020. Also, the context makes it clear that he’s talking about his time as Ronald McDonald's stunt double not Kool-Aid Man. Especially when he mentioned make-up. Can’t imagine there’s much make-up when you’re wearing a mascot costume. It’s possible Chris pulled this interview from somewhere else and dubbed his voice in pretending he was asking the questions. Unless Chris posts the full interview for all to hear, with Tom Anthony saying Chris’ name.
He then shows a photo he claims he got from Tom with him in the costume, without the mouth as they animated it in post. Looking at the photo, it’s possible he got it from somewhere else. Especially with the writing at the bottom saying “Tom Anthony Played the Kool-Aid Man”. I can’t imagine that’s an autograph either. This is all fishy.
He shows some more commercials, more catchphrases, then brings up the existence of the comic books and the video games. With what I believe is Mega Man music playing (please correct me because I’m probably wrong). Then he shows old footage of him as Kool-Aid Man. Wonder how many more of those we’re going to get.
He starts with the Marvel comic, how Kool-Aid Man fights the Thirsties, IG uses the word “cottonmouth” twice. Wouldn’t “dehydration” be a better word? They’re the Thirsties, they make you thirsty. But I guess that’s the hick in him coming out.
He turns the comic over and shows the ad for the video game, noting how if you sent away 125 points, you would get a game on the Atari 2600, or the Intellivision. When he mentions the consoles, he shows old footage from the 2009 review. Making it clear he no longer has either console. In fact, I double checked the last video and when he was talking about King Kong on Atari, he showed a backwards compatible 7800. If it’s like the others, he only has the console and none of the cables.
He claims he grew up playing Atari (bullshit) and thought this promotion was really cool. Uh huh…
“I think this game was pretty much the only one that did something like this” Incorrect. Remember Chase the Chuck Wagon? Send in proofs of purchase of Purina Dog Chow and you got an Atari 2600 game. It’s considered one of the most sought after 2600 games, often fetching exorbitant prices on second-hand markets.
He briefly talks about the games (using recycled footage from the old video), and I do mean briefly because it doesn’t even last 30 seconds. Then why did you put “video games” in the title if you were barely going to talk about them? He even said on Facebook that this video was “part History of Video Games”. Bullcrap! You barely went into them!
He moves onto other prizes you could get, showing his own Kool-Aid watch, Kool-Aid canteen, and a Kool-Aid baby bottle. Then a dumb bit where he wonders what he’ll do with it and then blows air into it. Is this where all his money goes? Buying dumb shit from the 80’s?
He shows off the rest of them, claiming they came out annually. I don’t think that’s entirely true. The first three issues were published by Marvel from 1983 to 85, then Archie Comics published the rest from 1987 to 1990. That doesn’t seem like “annually” to me.
He brings up the villain Scorch, how he had a life outside of the comics with a toy and appearances in a commercial. Said commercial promoting a sweepstakes for more Kool-Aid items. Including another baby bottle which annoys IG. You… you do realize these promotions are for kids, right? That includes babies. Just saying.
Then… lists. He just lists flavors. I don’t give enough of a shit to see if he’s right about the year they came out. He also shows commercials for some them. How the “great” thing about them was the wacky commercials. I feel my brain melting.
IG gushes over how “wacky” the 80’s commercials were. Notes the inspiration from MTV, asks if the creators were on drugs, he’s not really saying anything of substance.
He makes a big deal of how the packaging changed from his face to the Kool-Aid Man taking part in athletic feats.
Then another ad campaign about a Kool-Aid factory. Do any of his fans actually care about this?
Onto the 90’s, and Sharkleberry Fin. I recall him talking about this in the old videos. He must really like this one.
Then a dinosaur one, then a crocodile, then a flamingo… this is so dull. He shows the commercials too.
More flavors… more gimmicks…
Then I guess they stopped doing gimmicks and thus they weren’t as memorable. Dude, it’s a powder you make into a drink. Who gives a shit? Were your parents’ investors in General Foods?
He mentions how sometimes they bring back old flavors, but they’re “not as cool” because they don’t have the original packaging. There’s also discontinued flavors that are hard to find… yep… I don’t care.
As the video closes, he mentions that he got the old 80’s packs with the help of someone named Jimmy Tucker. No credit in the description?
Then he recycles the old Kool-Aid Man footage from 2009, while acting like he’s in the same room and throws the bottle at him. We can tell it’s not the same room! Stop thinking we’re stupid Chris.
Then he pays tribute to Tom Anthony who passed away last year. Specifically, on May 30th, 2020. Soooo either Chris has been sitting on this interview for over a year, or he faked it. Unless Chris posts the whole thing to his channel, I’m going with “fake”. Especially since his little tribute doesn’t even get his birth-year correct. Tom Anthony was born in 1926, Bores claims he was born 1922. How did you make an error that bad?!
That was really damn boring… You know, I get the feeling this was nothing more than excuse to show off his collection of old unopened Kool-Aid packs. For a history lesson, he barely goes into it. He doesn’t mention the creator of Kool-Aid, Edwin Perkins, how he made Kool-Aid in his mother’s kitchen, how it used to be a drink called “Fruit Smack”, he doesn’t mention the creator of the Kool-Aid Man, Marvin Potts, he doesn’t bring up how Kool-Aid Man became CGI in later years or his many voice actors. Even by Chris’ standards, this was lazy as balls.
Before I go, I want to address something. To my critics, the ones regurgitating the same talking points over and over. You say I have “no life” for doing this. How much time do you think I spend on this? Because truthfully, I don’t spend a lot. This is just something I can do to kill an hour (maybe more if it’s a longer video). This really isn’t the time sink you think it is.
And everyone going “You’ve been doing this for X years” … what’s your point? People like what I write, so I’m going to keep doing it.
That’s all for now. Stay safe, get vaccinated, and eventually we will overcome this pandemic.
Wednesday, March 31, 2021
Utterly Bankrupt and Flavorless
Saturday, March 20, 2021
Godzilla: Destroy All Cringe
There’s a new video up and it’s a BIG one. But first, I want to talk about the video released last week.
Bores talks about coffee table books about the NES. Basically, a bunch of big books that provide information on the system’s library. I was going to make a post, but I didn’t feel like it.
It’s basically an excuse to talk about a group of books a friend of his wrote, and how he wrote an article in the second volume. These books do not look that impressive.
He brings up Pat Contri’s book but has a couple of odd criticisms. Like how he says it’s “too big” and should be in volumes like his friend’s books (probably thinks he can juice more money out of it) and he claims Pat missed a few games. What games? He doesn’t say!
Chris also says that the “Ultimate History of Video Games” was sooo helpful with his own history series, claiming he read the book 50 times. Yet somehow you still got so much wrong.
At one point, he says that if he had these books as a kid, he would have been a “pig in heaven”. … What the hell does that mean?
The dumbest statement by far is his claim that when he was starting out with Irate Gamer, a lot of this info was very hard to find. That is absolute bullshit. What about MobyGames? GameFAQs? VGMuseum? They all existed in 2007. And I know Chris knows about VGMuseum, the screenshots of the alternate Aladdin ending he showed were from that site. He didn’t capture them himself.
The comments provide some … interesting insight. In one, Chris claims to prefer the “visual aspect”. Then you don’t want a book Chris, you want a magazine.
A lot of the comments were shitting on Pat Contri. Seems unneeded. But also some comments were claiming Chris is now the “new AVGN”. Excuse me what? I know AVGN has gone down in quality (partly COVID partly Screenwave) but do not start suddenly claiming that this idiot is a “better replacement”.
Then it hit me. I know what the majority of Chris’ fans are. They are not gaming enthusiasts interested in retro titles (otherwise they would know Chris is full of it), they’re not people looking for comedy (because Chris isn’t funny), most of his fans are drama whores. People that seek out drama and go into YouTube comments to shit on others. The people that subscribe to Keemstar and go out and attack anyone he bitches about. These are people far more interested in stirring up shit than actual content. Chris likely knows this and allows it because it gives the veil of people actually watching him.
Anyway, the new video.
Chris has really hyped this one up, claiming it’s just like his 2008 videos. So, it will be utter nonsense and full of poor information?
The subject this time? Godzilla vs Kong, in celebration of the upcoming movie. So basically, Godzilla and King Kong games. Mostly Godzilla because there’s not a lot of King Kong games (and no Donkey Kong doesn’t count).
It’s a whopping 22 minutes and 38 seconds, might want to get something strong to drink.
The video opens with IG… playing with his toys. Hoo boy…
He goes on how it’s a momentous occasion, how monster fans have wanted this and it’s finally happening. Except it did happen already, in 1962 with King Kong vs Godzilla. Produced by Toho and is the third official Godzilla film. What fans were waiting for was a modern interpretation.
He’s going to pit the games against each other, holding up copies of Godzilla: Monster of Monsters on NES and King Kong 2: Ikari no Megaton Punch on Famicom. Yes, an actual Famicom cartridge. There’s a good chance it’s a bootleg.
Theme song.
We return to copyrighted footage! Paging Toho. IG then starts talking about how he watched Godzilla movies a lot when he was a kid, how they ran on TBS after the Saturday morning cartoons, he didn’t care they were low budget or in black & white or poorly dubbed. He lists off various notable kaiju Goji fought, even mentioning the original King Kong vs Godzilla. Okay, so he does know about it. Weird to say “finally” in in that opening.
He specifically points out Mecha Godzilla as “really silly”. If what I hear about GvK is true, then I don’t think Chris will like it.
With so many movies, it would only be “a matter of time” until the king found his way on the NES. Which he demonstrates with a Godzilla toy looking at his console. Why does Chris feel so immature at times?
He points out how Godzilla got two NES games in North America while King Kong got zero and takes out a chalkboard to show how this is a “competition” by putting a tally under Godzilla. What’s the point? Godzilla wins by virtue of having way more games. Sure only a few are decent, but at least they exist.
“If we judge a book by it’s cover by looking at the cover art here” You could have said that a lot differently. Anyway, he thinks Monster of Monsters is going to be great because of the cover art. Whatever…
He puts the cartridge inside and holy shit there’s a jump cut! Did Chris poorly splice two different takes of this? How do you mess up something this basic?! It's not even plugged in!
He starts up and gets upset that it looks like a board game (constantly bringing up Checkers). Angry that they wrapped a “turd” in a shiny package (the cartridge) and flashy intro. Boy, he’s really obsessed with intros isn’t he? Honestly, this game isn’t even that bad. There are better Goji games for sure, but it could be worse.
He goes over the story and gets mad that Godzilla is out in space because he wants to be in the city. You said earlier you watched the movies right? Planet X is from the sixth movie Invasion of Astro-Monster. Godzilla fights in space. There’s nothing wrong with that idea.
A dumb “Uranus” joke… yep
He points out either an enemy or background element and claims it rips off Mother Brain from Metroid. That’s actually Matango, from the movie of the same name. Another Toho created kaiju that was later brought into the Godzilla universe.
He’s surprised that Mothra is the sidekick. Why?
He starts going on about how the controls on the board part are “really bad” because he thought you could only move up and down, but then learned you can move right but pushing diagonally. Because apparently Chris has never considered that D-Pads can go diagonal.
He goes on and on about the board and how confusing it is and how at one point he accidentally forfeits a turn (with Price is Right fail horn, seriously did Chris pick this up from 2006?). We’re over five minutes in and he hasn’t gotten to the actual game part.
He finally starts playing with Mothra, and notes how she plays like “crystalized diarrhea” because every time you get hit, you get sent back. During this, we got a shot of him mashing his controller. Holy shit, you still can’t get this right?!
“This moth is as big as a plane!” Is that a line from the movies? Or did he try to quote The Giant Claw but got the line wrong. Also more unhinging his jaw.
He goes into how Mothra sucks, saying she’s not just shit, she’s “triple shit between two Double Stuf Oreos also filled with shit”. Aaah I think I see what he means by 2008 feel, bringing back the food analogies! I did not miss these.
He gets Mothra into a fight with Gezora resulting in a long sequence where he can’t move and Gezora stomps on him. Is he not losing health? Is he using Game Genie? Eventually the timer runs out and Mothra doesn’t die. He adds a holy light and choir because…. Pffff
Then he starts playing as Godzilla, and he’s all “Now dat’s what I’m talking about!” Going over how he’s so much better and takes out the bosses really easily. He wonders why he’s so good but Mothra is so shit. Then he says, “Didn’t anyone even playtest this game before releasing it?” It’s official, Chris has become a parody of himself. I miss Irate Gamer parodies…
He also make a comment about the Nintendo Seal of Quality. He does realize that just means “You paid us the fee, you can release the game” right? Though it just leads to a bad joke about “sealing” someone’s ass shut.
He dies at some point so he could shit on Mothra some more
He then claims there’s seven levels. Actually, there’s eight levels. Planet X is the last one.
Then there’s a weird bit where he brings up YouTube playthroughs and notes how one of them is four hours long. With his patented green circle of obvious on the video time. Going into a rant about how the developers wanted him to play for four hours. Did you somehow miss the other playthrough that’s only three hours? I think kids would have loved a longer NES game at the time. So many of them are actually really short once you get good. A no-death Castlevania run will net you about 20 minutes.
This just seems like a weird complaint.
He basically skips over the rest of the game, which I figure is just footage taken from YouTube. Mostly due to Godzilla using his atomic breath in one clip when IG didn’t use it at all.
Then he shows of a debug level when you type in the password GH1D0RA. Kay…
After he’s done, we get long bit where he rants about the old Nintendo Power article promoting the game. Okay why?
He scoffs at the multiple planets, still mad that it’s Godzilla in space. Then he looks at the review score and saw they gave it a 4/5. He gets mad and says this game deserves “Two turds in a barrel”, which he shows with the iPhone poo emoji and the Donkey Kong barrel, followed by a pointless use of “Toasty!” What the fuck was that Chris? What was the point of that? What’s the point of any of this?
He throws Monster of Monsters away and moves on to Godzilla 2: War of the Monsters. He once again praises the cover art and thinks it will be good because of it (stop). Also, a pointless Godzilla roar.
He likes the intro and the title screen, but then gets to the game and gets mad because it’s a “piece of shit strategy game”. He claims he always hated these and lists off all the NES strategy games he read off Wikipedia (Rampart, North & South which he mistakenly calls North VS South, and Romance of the Three Kingdoms) and calls them a “shit-tacular way to pass the fucking time”. Woooow, way to insult a beloved genre. Though, unlike Scott the Woz and his hate-boner for RPGs, nobody will care.
Then a comment about how each turn takes 10 minutes. Only if you suck.
This is followed by an anecdote with Zelda music playing. Apparently, his grandmother had an NES but only had two games, Super Mario Bros and Rampart. He hated it and said it was so bad it made him lose his mind. I don’t know this game personally, but is it that bad? I have my doubts. It sounds like Bores was too young or too stupid to get it. Wait, didn’t your grandmother have Punch-Out? You mentioned that back in your review in 2015. Either it was his other grandmother, or he’s lying. Leaning heavily on the latter.
Anyway, he plays and angrily explains how it works. When Godzilla one shots one of his units, it cuts to him going “This is supposed to be fun?” and when he says “fun” his jaw curves really hard. Is that supposed to be part of the joke? Look, I know that Godzilla 2 isn’t a good game, even for strategy fans. But maybe you shouldn’t have this giant bias towards it?
Then a random bit where he says this game is about as fun as “date night with John McClane on the 20 millionth floor”, followed by footage from Die Hard. … What? What building would have 20 million floors? Why even bring up Die Hard? Then he brags about it like “Yeah, how do you like that Die Hard reference?” Are you purposely insulting your audience now?
He then brings up how Godzilla 2 is costly on eBay, wondering how that happened. It’s probably a rare game, it did come out in 1992, NES games after 1991 tend to be rarer. Then he brings back the chalkboard to give Godzilla another point for having a “rare game”. What is your scoring system?
He moves on from Goji to Kong as he takes he starts with Atari, and more showing off his stupid toys. Nobody cares about your action figures Chris!
He notes how King Kong got an Atari game, but Godzilla didn’t and figured he wasn’t popular enough. No, he was. Instead of Atari, they focused more on computer games on MSX and Commodore 64. Plenty of Big G games made before the NES one.
He also notes the game has a blue cartridge, which gives a point to King Kong on the chalkboard. You didn’t put a lot of thought into this huh?
He starts playing and notices this is a complete clone of Donkey Kong. He seems to prefer it to the Atari port of DK until one of the bombs (which he calls a cupcake) goes up a ladder and kills him. Then he tosses it aside. Yeah, not much to say here, it’s just a weak Donkey Kong clone.
He notes how there was no King Kong on the NES in America, but there was a King Kong 2 in Japan. Which he’s so very clearly playing on an emulator since he’s looking at a fan translation. Come on, the game barely has any text, you can play this easily.
He says it’s actually pretty good. Then notes the title which he says translates out to “Ikari no Megaton Punch”. Wouldn’t a translation be “The Furious Megaton Punch”? All you did romanize the Japanese text. There’s a difference.
Lots of gushing about the game, says it’s really good blah blah blah. Gives a point to Kong on his chalkboard. He doesn’t know why it wasn’t ported (you mean localized?) Konami probably couldn’t get the rights in America, only in Japan.
More gushing… eventually he reaches the boss (a giant spider) and dies, making multiple comments about the spider eating Kong’s eyes. Was he trying to be funny?
Also, no mention that this was based on the 1986 movie King Kong Lives? It’s a rare tie-in licensed game that doesn’t suck.
On post-NES consoles, King Kong didn’t reappear until the 2005 on “Xbox”, as he shows the Xbox 360 version. It also showed up on the original Xbox, and the PS2, the Gamecube, PC, Game Boy Advance, PSP, DS, it was on a lot of things. Also, no note that it’s based on the Peter Jackson movie? It’s right there in the title.
As for Godzilla, plenty of games there. Like one on Game Boy where he’s all small and it’s kind of a 2D puzzle game. He doesn’t really say much about it. Then he looks at Godzilla: Kaijuu no Daishingeki for Sega Game Gear, and he’s mad because it’s another turn-based strategy game. He really seems to focus on the waiting aspect. Kind of weird he’s focusing on a Japan-only game though.
Same with the Playstation 1 Godzilla Trading Battle (another Japan only release), which upsets him because it’s a card game. So? Card games can fun. I don’t know if this one is because all you do is get upset that it’s “not the Godzilla game you want”. Wait… this seems familiar.
Also, you’re skipping a lot Godzilla games. What about that fighter on Super Famicom? It’s clear that you don’t care about these being Japan only for whatever reason.
He just wants something like Rampage but with Godzilla. That would be boring though, and you have Rampage. At least fighting games make sense.
More chalkboard nonsense.
Then he moves on to Super Godzilla on SNES. Says it’s weird and confusing, then pulls out a Nintendo Power magazine to show it agrees with him. Okay, people aren’t fond of this game, that’s not a new opinion. It’s slow and confusing.
Though he said Super Godzilla was the only SNES game, he actually does bring up Godzilla Kaijuu Daikessen which he says was going to be called “Monster War”. Actually, it was going to be called Destroy All Monsters. Monster War is just a localization of Kaijuu Daikessen.
Anyway, he says the game is great, but he mentions he always wanted a platformer. Wait, that’s what you wanted? I don’t think that would really work for Godzilla.
Then he gives the point back to Godzilla and they’re all tied. He goes back to the intro area (I don’t know the name of it) to have the sprites of the two monsters fight it out. It’s lame and he acknowledges it as such, hoping for something flashy. Oh no… it’s going to get worse isn’t it?
And it does! We get a stupid ending bit with… Mecha Irate Gamer. Oh dear lord… When he roars, his jaw does the same jutting thing Bores does so… points for that? But then when there’s a side view, it is REAL terrible. Like, how did you look at that animation and think “Perfect”.
At one point, one of his fireballs (ugggh) hits one of his cabinets and… does nothing. But I guess it made IG mad as he yells “My video game collection!” That’s not a collection! That’s just a bunch of replicas that you wasted money on.
He wonders where John McClane is (no Chris, that’s not a brick joke) when suddenly Bomberman shows up. What? He pulls out a bomb with a Zelda sound effect because Bores hates you, and he takes it. It looks like officially licensed merch, maybe he plans to use it for Puppet Steve? Or already used it?
Then he refers to Mecha IG as “You handsome Mecha Irate Gamer”. Gotta show his ego!
Then he throws it and blows him up easily. LAAAAAAME!
He asks how the Godzilla and Kong sprites are, and then claims he “proved the justice of our culture” Wait what? Then we get the ending screen to the NES Ghostbusters game. WHAT?! WHAT IS THE POINT OF THIS?! WHY?! Holy shit that was so dumb!
We then get a special thanks to Eli Bruner who made the Mecha IG sprite. Look Eli, I’m sure you’re a good guy, but did you really look at the side-sprites and think that was completely okay? Don’t lower yourself to the standards of Bores.
Again, that was so fucking dumb. Terrible humor even by Bores’ standards, a cringy ending bit (huh, I guess that’s another reason it’s “like 2008”), poor reviews of the Godzilla games, really inconsistent in what he covered too. Why not bring up the sixth gen ones? Oh right, he doesn’t have those systems, and he probably can’t emulate PS2, Gamecube, or Xbox.
Maaaan, this hurt my brain so much. It’s incredible that he can reach all kinds of new levels of cringe. It’s almost like he’s doing this on purpose.
The light at the end of the tunnel draws near. Vaccinations are rolling out at a fast clip. Hopefully, we can all return to some normalcy.
Saturday, February 20, 2021
Another New Series, Another Endeavor That Will Likely Fall
Thursday, February 11, 2021
Irate Gamer, a modern piece of mediocrity. From the town of Sandusky, he's about to bore you to sleep.
*looks outside, sees way too much snow in single digit weather* Welp… I’m stuck inside. Even if there wasn’t a pandemic, it is just too cold to do anything. Yay for cabin fever! Oh, of course Bores puts out a new video…
Do I have an excuse for why I took so long to write this? Nope. None at all. Anyway, he’s going to talk about the two Flintstones NES games. The Rescue of Dino & Hoppy, and Surprise at Dinosaur Peak. Why those games? Because he clearly needs a popular IP to latch onto or else nobody cares. Plus, an excuse to make stupid reference jokes.
In the description, he notes that he got help from Jonas Roy Bjarnason. I hope you got paid Jonas.
Onto the video. A little over 13 minutes long.
The video opens with IG walking out (to Donkey Kong Country music) to tell us the subject of the episode. He notes how Surprise at Dinosaur Peak “retails” for $800. It doesn’t “retail” for that much, that’s a low-end price you find on second-hand markets like eBay. Learn the difference.
After he reveals that, he says “Good Night!” Is that a Flintstones reference I missed? I don’t remember much about the show.
Theme song.
But first, another fake sponsorship. This time for Seinfeld Funko Pop mini keychains. Seriously? Again, no link in the description or anything to indicate this is a real sponsor. Probably just an excuse to show off his mini-Seinfeld playset again. Also, if you’re going to have made-up sponsors, at least make it thematically appropriate. The Flintstones and Seinfeld are world’s apart.
He gives an overview of the series, with some odd syntax strewn throughout. As per usual with Chris. Goes over how the show changed through the years by adding kids and the Great Gazoo, the latter which he dropped a “I guess dey can’t all be winners”.
We cut to his obviously unplugged NES as he mentions how publishers adapted old TV shows into games, citing The Three Stooges and Gilligan’s Island. Wow, both giant piles of plastic garbage!
He mispronounces Taito (as Tay-to) because he can’t go a video without showing how he’s completely ignorant about Japan.
He starts with The Rescue of Dino & Hoppy, which some of you may know better by the title “7 Grand Dad”.
He calls it “DY-no and Hoppy” not “DEE-no”, which is how you’re supposed to pronounce their weird dino-dog. He actually gets it right in the next sentence.
He then gets mad that we have to save Hoppy, calling him lame and putting him below the garbage disposal pig. What’s wrong with Hoppy? Feels like Chris just wanted something to complain about here.
“Now I gotta figure out which controller to use” Wait what? Why?
Oh, it’s a dumb gag that ends on “rock controller”. Urgh… glad all those Flintstones reboots got shelved, I can easily imagine Chris try to get a job like with DuckTales.
Starts the game. “…that iconic 8-bit rendition of that Flintstones theme song” This is a really weird sentence, are you saying the 8-bit version is iconic? Why use “that” instead of “the”? Maybe you should get people to proofread your scripts instead of relying on them for effects.
He watches the first cutscene, comments that the music sounds more like an Exorcist NES game. Meh…
He shows the game’s villain, commenting that he looks like the lead singer of GWAR. No he doesn’t! Do you even know what Oderus Urungus looks like? RIP Dave Brockie.
The villain steals Dino and Hoppy, blows up Gazoo’s time machine, and the objective is to find the pieces of it.
He praises the game, says it looks good, plays decently, has cool ideas… why are you reviewing this? Isn’t your schtick supposed to be bad games? You don’t even know what you are.
He comes across a wheel with platforms on it and compares it to the ones Reznor rides in Super Mario World. Then he complains that the game is ripping off Super Mario World. No it isn’t Chris, there’s no enemies on the Flintstones platforms. He’s already reaching for problems.
He also wonders why they didn’t steal Reznor and put it in the game. Because Taito can’t do that? I know this is an attempt at a joke, but it’s really lame.
He fast-forwards to the first boss, a large sea serpent that refers to as “Puff the Magic Dumbass” (hur hur hur) and beats him, complaining that he’s easy. Then he complains about the Time Machine part having “TM” on it, calling out the game for thinking players are stupid. Really? You’re one to talk about treating the audience like idiots Chris.
He also refers to a cutscene as a “cut screen”. Are you doing this on purpose?!
He points out how Gazoo welding his time machine looks like he’s humping it. I don’t really see it…
He complains again that the game is stealing from Super Mario World by having an overworld map. Uhhh no? What about Super Mario Bros 3? That came out long before this. Are you that desperate for something to talk about?
He brings up the basketball mini-game, not much said there. Gets a power-up from it, and he tries using it on a stage with rising lava. Only to instantly die because he clearly set it up that way. Prompting a pointless appearance from Scooby Dum, the seldom seen cousin of Scooby-Doo. BECAUSE HE EXISTS!
He moves onto a city level with criminals from the show. He refers to them as “Antifa Banditos”. Oooh jeez… I feel like whatever I say here is going to result in a firestorm so I’m just going to move on.
Then he cuts to an ice level which he claims is just a recolor of the first level and calls them lazy. Says the man that reuses old footage without even trying to make it match…
Then a jungle level which he likes, but then sees a waterfall that looks “right out of Super Mario Bros 2”. Let it go Chris! This prompts a stupid bit where he hopes the fish (Trouters) don’t show up and guess what they do. Still has that bad habit of inserting sprites that don’t belong. That’s not a joke Chris.
He reaches the boss, who looks like a sasquatch though IG keeps calling him a caveman. This prompts a pointless rant where he wonders why that wasn’t Captain Caveman, while he holds a Captain Caveman toy. Because nobody cares about Captain Caveman and looking into it he’s more connected to Scooby-Doo than the Flintstones. He does admit he doesn’t know how the licensing works. Maybe consider that they just didn’t care to use this obscure cartoon character?
He likes the controls, how there’s a lot to do, how you meet up with other characters. He notes how once you find them, they follow you around the map like a Final Fantasy game. That’s more of a Dragon Quest trope, Final Fantasy never really did that with a few exceptions. But he said that so he could do a stupid bit where the Flintstones cast fights Tiamat in Final Fantasy II. Why II? I guess that’s what Jonas added.
Anyway, he notes multiple aspects that make the game easy to play (while also bringing up Gazoo “humping” again, it’s still not funny). At least he’s not complaining about it being too easy.
He gets to the final level in the future, while also mispronouncing Dino’s name again. For fuck’s sake Chris, are you really a Flintstones fan?
He gets there and recognizes the music being the theme from The Jetsons, then runs into George Jetson. This results in a pointless history lesson. He brings up the crossover movie The Jetsons Meet The Flintstones. Funny enough, he gets the order wrong (calling it The Flintstones Meet The Jetsons) while showing the movie poster. Did Jonas add that? Clever if he did.
He then complains that they should have called the game “The Flinstones Meet The Jetsons” and promoted it like mad. Did you ever consider that it’s meant to be a big twist? That part of your reward for reaching the final level is SURPRISE it’s a crossover?! Then he complains “TAY-to” didn’t add Captain Caveman (enough with the stupid caveman).
Then his rant is oddly cut off. Apparently, some of the dialogue got lost in editing. Why he couldn’t go back and fix this I don’t know. Instead the missing line is in the description. Lazy!
He keeps complaining, wondering why there’s no Scooby-Doo or Snorks (pfff) or Chan Clan though he scratches that one because he doesn’t want “Chan Clan bullshit”. Instead he wants Hong Kong Phooey, with a pointless cut to the theme song. We get it Chris, these cartoons existed. Focus on Flintstones.
He beats the final boss, comments that the ending is rather violent as Fred keeps beating him, and they live happily ever after. Until they get attacked by Grape Ape. Fuck off with the lazy references!
Pulls the game out and starts talking about “TAY-to’s” follow-up, Surprise at Dinosaur Peak. He notes how since the game came out in 1994, and the line got lost in editing. It’s in the description too, but looking it, something is off. “…and since this game came out in 1994, this made copies of the game very hard to come by, and years later…” The syntax still feels off. Again Chris, you need proofreaders.
Anyway, he brings up the game’s obscene price in modern times. He doesn’t seem to bring up the reason why it’s so high. There’s an urban legend that the game was a Blockbuster exclusive. However, there’s no evidence to back that up. I feel that’s important to address. But no, instead get him saying “Yabba Dabba Damn”. Hur…
If you’re wondering about his copy, it’s either a reproduction cart, or he took a spare NES cartridge, printed the cartridge label and taped it on. I doubt he has the money to drop on an average NES game. Since the footage he uses is all from an emulator, the cartridges are just for show.
He starts the game, notes how it’s really good and is much different from the shitty games he plays, while also making a reference to LJN. You’ve barely talked about LJN-published games. Only Back to the Future and X-Men. Don’t act like they’re your archenemy.
He brings up how you can play as both Fred and Barney, switching between the two on the fly. Then he says “Bless my demonic shit with holy water”. Jeez, this script is a dumpster fire.
He reaches the end of the first level and oh hey he says cutscene correctly this time. What was his excuse the first time? You know, I’m noticing that he’s getting a lot of basic terms wrong in this revival. Does Chris have some cognitive issues that result in him mispronouncing things?
Once again compares the overworld to Mario, shows the Hockey mini-game, shows a surfing level, shows Fred riding a giant wheel that IG calls a donut (this isn’t The Simpsons)
More “cameos” with him excited to see Mr. Slate. Okay…
Then he complains that “TAY-to” didn’t include any other Hanna-Barbara characters, referring to the action as “opening a Pandora’s Box”. I don’t think you understand what Pandora’s Box is.
Then he references more old H-B cartoons. What’s even the point? To show off to the kids that more than likely don’t know what these cartoons are?
He brings up that the game is easy, except for a part where you run from a giant red wheel. He gets angry that they dare put in a difficulty spike. He hates when they do that, an easy game with some sudden difficulty. Come the fuck on Chris, grow up.
Then a death montage which ends with him choking himself on his NES controller cord. Didn’t he do this move so many times before?
Then he starts listing off games with difficulty spikes. Like the Cave of Wonders in Aladdin, no not the SNES version, the Genesis version. Odd to go with that one. Then the race with Metal Sonic in Sonic CD (I seriously doubt he played that), the seaweed in TMNT on NES (I swear, he’s only played like 4 games in his entire life and keeps going back to them), and a Ren & Stimpy game? Okay, I get the feeling Jonas added that one, same with Sonic CD.
He once again summarizes that he hates when “easy peasy” games suddenly hit you with bullshit. My god, he is such a casual fuck.
He wants to destroy the game, but since it’s so expensive (oh please, we know that’s not a legit copy), he’s just going to put it on his shelf and glare menacingly at it. He then puts it on a… tiger holder? Oh, it’s just an excuse to do the “It’s a living” gag. Blaaaaah
That was… boring. So very boring.
It felt more like an excuse to show off all the old cartoons he knows. Just make a video about Hanna-Barbara cartoons instead, you clearly care more about those than video games.
Once again, I apologize for the lateness. I’ll try to be better going forward. Stay safe everyone, and hopefully this pandemic finally slows down.
Saturday, January 16, 2021
A Total Failure to Launch
It’s a new year everybody! A time for renewal and refreshing. Let’s make this year a wonderf- *terrorists attack the Capitol demanding blood* … I’m going back to bed.
Despite that major road bump, let’s hopefully do better all around. Unfortunately, Bores would rather retread old ground.
After taking some time off for “reasons”, Bores returns with a new video covering the 17 launch titles for the NES. While this could work for a better content creator, we know IG does not have the talent to pull it off. Especially since he’s already covered six of the games in previous videos (Duck Hunt, Excitebike, Kung-Fu, Donkey Kong Jr. Math, and both ROB-compatible games). I sense there will be some form of padding even though it’s only 15 minutes long (meaning some games are going to get a glance at most).
Let’s begin!
The video opens with IG walking in and telling us the subject, with a few of the titles in front of him. Along with Super Mario Bros, which wasn’t a launch title. The only Mario game at launch was Wrecking Crew. A mistake already?
“Strap yourselves in, this is gonna be a long one” Are you sure about that?
Theme song. Interestingly enough, there’s no more “Inspired by AVGN”. That’s a plus but it makes me wonder why he removed it. Trouble in paradise?
But first, he has a sponsorship from Ekster, a site that makes high-end wallets. Not entirely sure if it’s a real brand deal though. While he links it in the description, there’s no discount provided. Don’t these deals offer special discounts to make you sign up? 10% off your purchase, a free month, this just seems like Chris saying “Hey check out these cool wallets, they exist”.
He starts with history, how the NES came to America in 1985, how breaking in was difficult due to the crash, and how they marketed it as a toy not a video game. Didn’t he already talk about this in the ROB videos?
He starts with Gyromite. Oh hey, he gets the protagonist’s name right! Professor Hector. Here’s a gold star. No acknowledgement that you got it wrong the first time? Pfft of course not.
He brings up Duck Hunt, yells “FIRE!” a few times, and the dog laughs at him and of course he still gets angry. GET NEW MATERIAL! I’m not kidding, he shows the ending to the Duck Hunt video again where he uppercuts the dog into the Mortal Kombat pit. Is he just damn proud of that scene or something?
The NES launched, had 17 titles, shows an old advertisement, and starts with… Super Mario Bros. Again, not a launch title. Gaming historian Frank Cifladi even wrote an article for Gamasutra on how we can’t pinpoint the exact date Super Mario Bros came out in North America (in Japan we know it’s September 13th 1985). Then he starts gushing on how great it was and how it was different from Atari and for the love of Miyamoto you’ve done this already! Are we just pretending Chris Neo didn’t happen? Why not include that as a weird experiment so that you don’t discuss the same things over and over again? God, imagine if he does a review of Deadly Towers again...
More gushing and he refers to the Fire Flower as a “bonus item”. I’d consider a power-up different from a bonus but whatever. Then a really weird comment about how the first time he found a Warp Zone, he had to grab a new pair of underwear because he “literally flipped (his) shit”. I’m sorry, what? What the hell is “flipping shit” meant to be? Is it the act of defecation? Is it a slang term in Ohio? This joke makes no sense! I thought you were getting help with writing these Chris?
After referring to the secrets as “easter eggs” (I feel the two are different), he moves on to Stack-Up. Then, no joke, it cuts to old 2008 footage of him pulling Stack-Up off his shelf. Does he think we’re stupid? It’s so obvious! The footage looks worse, and he’s wearing a long-sleeve light blue shirt (his shirt in the new footage has short sleeves). Did Chris sell his copy of Stack-Up and that’s why he did that? No, it’s stupid to do that either way. He really has no faith in his audience. I do notice that he hasn’t shown either of his ROBs (neither the Japanese or International versions), makes me wonder if he sold those too.
Oh that’s not even the end of it. He shows the old 2008 footage of him playing with ROB! Not even acknowledging that it’s old. What’s even dumber is that he shows footage of ROB playing Gyromite not Stack-Up. I’m now convinced he no longer has a ROB and that’s why he did that. If you have to use old footage like this, then maybe you shouldn’t do the video at all. Stretch your creative muscles. Try something different!
After saying Stack-Up isn’t fun, he moves onto Hogan’s Alley. It becomes apparent that his NES isn’t plugged in, doesn’t even try turning it on.
He explains the first mode, gets some lame bits where he dramatically aims his gun, then he complains that it gets faster as he keeps missing. Then a cringy bit where one of the gangsters shows up in real life and hits him.
Onto the second mode in the town, where he doesn’t say much. Then the third mode with the cans which he doesn’t seem to like. He doesn’t explain why, he just looks annoyed then says “Come on what else you got?” Great reviewing skills, totally not the sign of a hack.
He moves on to Wild Gunman. Of course, we get a dumb bit where he takes the Western aesthetic seriously with close-ups and letterboxing the screen. Shooting the guy and spitting on the ground. Boring. Then he says “these light gun games were the absolute funk” … What? Who says that? My god, he really is a boomer…
He gushes about the game, claims the music and sound effects are really great, then he refers to the enemies as banditos, but also gringos. Does Chris not know what those words mean? Banditos refer to Mexican bandits, and most of those sprites don’t reflect that, while gringo refers to non-Hispanic or Latino people, usually Americans. Maybe they’re gringos in the game, but really they’re what Japanese developers remember from old Western movies they watched.
He comments that he’s glad there’s no civilians to mess you up, and I know when he says that something pops up. It does, and it’s fucking Ronnie. Just a pointless bit where he shows up while New Super Mario Bros music plays. NEXT!
IG starts talking about the sports games that came out at launch. Starting with 10-Yard Fight, claiming he loved playing it as a kid (major doubt). But he thinks the sounds in it are really bad and five minutes of playing gave him tinnitus. Because that’s… funny? Ugggh. He also makes a comment about John Madden having greasy Cheeto-covered mitts. That didn’t become an issue until much later when EA (not John Madden) secured exclusive rights. Also, he shows the cover for Madden ‘92 like it’s the first game, when the actual first game was simply John Madden Football for MS-DOS in 1988.
He moves onto Baseball, comments at how generic the name is, then complains that there’s only six teams. “Talk about a bare-bones game” It’s a launch title, of course it’s bare bones!
He then brings up that the game was developed by the legendary Shigeru “Mai-ya-moto”. Are you fucking serious?! It’s “Me-ya-moto”. How did you make a mistake THAT bad?! What the hell?! He did mention on Facebook that this video was similar to History of Video Games. In that case, this is a good clue at how dreadful the later installments would have been. Jeez, considering the countless number of Japanese developers, it would have been a disaster.
He also brings up a quote he allegedly said in 2016 about wanting a baseball. I say allegedly because he doesn’t source it. Cool.
He mentions it can be challenging, and when he gets an out, the Price is Right horns play (more boomer evidence), then he yells that he was “struck out”. Uh no, you were tagged out. There’s a big difference between the two. I don’t even care for sports and I know that!
He moves onto Soccer and right off the bat he notices it has 7 teams. He says “up your baseball”. You do realize that Soccer was developed two years after Baseball was right? Baseball came out in Japan in 1983, Soccer came out two years later. Nintendo likely had a better handle on things, plus it was developed by Intelligent Systems.
He doesn’t say much, just comments on the noise made when you score a goal and how likes the cheerleaders during half-time. Really?
Wait hold on… Soccer wasn’t a launch title. At least according to an article on Wired. While Wikipedia says differently, they cite the instruction manual for some reason. Bleh, I wish information about this era was better preserved.
Onto Golf. He notes how it didn’t seem possible to put all 18 holes in the game, but they managed to do it thanks to… oh my god “the legendary Satoro EYE-O-wata”. Wow, I thought the Miyamoto bit was bad, but this is next level fucked. You couldn’t take five minutes to ask yourself “Am I saying this right?” Surely you remember all the tributes to Iwata after he passed away. Surely you could have heard them pronounce it. Lazy lazy LAZY
He also brings up how the golfers resemble Mario and Luigi, but then says they look more like Captain Lou Albano’s version. You do realize that Albano playing Mario was years after this right? Also, going by the obscure Wii game Captain Rainbow, the golfer is actually called Ossan, though that was an internal name for Mario used during the development of Donkey Kong
Anyway, he says Mario in two launch titles was surprising as it never happens. Then Professor Hector shows up in IG’s room and complains that he was in two launch titles too. IG takes off his shoe and throws it at him. … Is this meant to be funny? Also, is Chris not wearing pants?
He claims to have played the game hours (again, major doubt) and complains about the wind messing up his shots. Then says “talk about an asshole in one”. My head hurts now…
Moving onto Tennis, but he stops to point out the intro music is the same as Pro Wrestling and gets mad about it. So? Nintendo made both games. They’re free to recycle music and sounds all they want. It’s not like they stole it.
He doesn’t say anything about the game, just noticing how Mario is the referee. He then tells the Professor that it’s another point for him. He throws IG’s shoe back at him, and he yells “Hey, don’t be a sore loser”. Between “hey” and “don’t”, there’s an obvious jump cut. You couldn’t do that in one take? This guy seriously wants to be on TV…
Onto Kung-Fu, which he doesn’t talk about for long, instead telling you to watch his original review from 2015. Which he defines as “a couple years ago”. Six is not a couple Chris. It’s even worse because he shows the release date it for in the video (including the fact that after nearly six years it still hasn’t exceeded 100k views)
He continues on to Clu Clu Land, as he wonders what a “Clu Clu” is. He thinks it’s the character in the game. No. If you a took a minute, you’d find that “Clu Clu” is an anglicization of “Kuru Kuru”, the Japanese onomatopoeia for going “around and around”. In fact the player character’s name is Bubbles. Really, a proper title would be “Round and Round Land”., but I’m not 80’s Nintendo.
He calls the game confusing, compares it to Pac-Man because of the maze aspect (not really), then he ends it commenting how the game flickers causing a “Pokemon Porygon episode sized seizure” … Really? Porygon references? In 2021? Also, faking having a seizure isn’t cool or funny Chris. That was pretty awful. Oh, and he has Porygon show up because of course… this is almost over just a little bit more.
Onto Ice Climber. Mentions their appearance in Smash Bros, comments on the enemies, claims you can “tell” this game was made in the 80’s because the polar bear has a speedo and sunglasses (whatever), and complains about the jumping and how the screen moves up. Then a failure montage, then some forced cursing and a polar bear from the game appears next to him and tells him to chill out. Where’s the joke?
He very briefly talks about Pinball. Only bringing up how there’s birds, and a bonus game with Mario and Pauline. Followed by more of the dumb running gag with Professor Hector who screams “Noooo” when told Mario is in more games.
He then moves onto the final game, Wrecking Crew. Wait hold on there’s a few missing. Where’s DK Jr. Math? Where’s Excitebike? Where’s Mach Rider? Those were all launch titles. I know he talked about the first two before, and has said multiple times he doesn’t like Mach Rider, but if this is meant to be about the NES launch titles, it should be about the NES launch titles. Hello? Am I alone here?
Anyway, Wrecking Crew. Brings up Mario being in the game of course. For some reason he refers to it as a “sleeper hit”. I don’t think you’re using that term correctly Chris.
Explains the game a little, gets annoyed at the enemies called “Gotcha Wrenches”. Why is that bad exactly? Fits Mario’s goofy aesthetic.
He ends it bringing up that there two sequels released only in Japan. Two? I can only find one (Wrecking Crew ’98). It came out in 1998 for the Super Famicom. It didn’t leave Japan because NoA was focusing on the Nintendo 64. He only brings up the fact it never came out in America, followed by a forced “wrench up the ass” line.
And that’s all. He once again comments on Mario being in more launch games than Professor Hector, causing the professor to drop a girder on IG and ending the video. Uggggggggggggggh….
Oh hey, seems Chris did get some help on this one as he thanks LineageView. My informant found his channel and found he posted a long video about the work he did. Apparently, all he did was the effects work for the sprites that show up in his room. … Really? You finally get people to help you Chris, and it’s just for the effects? Not the writing or the acting or any of the bigger issues you have? You’re that confident that you’re so witty that you don’t need anyone’s help in that aspect? And you wonder why the Travel Channel rejected you.
That was mostly boring. Padded with nonsense. Again, a much more competent content creator could have made something interesting out of this. Maybe a deeper history lesson into the launch of the Famicom and their expansion westward, or how the NES had a soft-launch in New York that eventually got more and more popular, or talk about the people behind these games, preferably with the ability to properly pronounce their names. Seriously, he expected people to take History of Video Games seriously but he can’t pronounce Miyamoto?
That’s it for me. Please fucking behave in the comments. I prefer if you didn’t spam or attack others.
Also be sure to wear a mask and wash your hands. Hopefully we’ll soon be vaccinated and find a way to get things to somewhat normal again.
Thursday, December 31, 2020
The Top 11 Worst Moments of 2020
It goes without saying but this year suuuuuuuuuuuuuuuucked! Let’s put it all behind us and look ahead. But first, a look back at the worst Irate Gamer moments of 2020.
Since Chris decided now would be the best time to come back to Irate Gamer with somewhat regular content, I can actually do one of these. I know some of you are quite happy about that.
Without further delay, here is the list.
11. The Abandonment of GeekTime
Starting the list with something that isn’t really that bad but is mostly indictive of Chris’ inability to stick with a project. Last year, Chris had shown great interest in podcasts, and even wanted to start one. So he did, with his friend Tim Walker. Taking the title from a segment on Howard Stern (that’s likely where it’s from), the two started GeekTime: The Next Generation. Where they would talk about all things “geeky” like movies, comics, toys, and sometimes games.
However, there were problems. Turns out neither of them had much in the way of charisma and were not remarkably interesting to listen to. They also over-relied on soundbites like a radio DJ, which got irritating fast.
Chris really believed this would be his next hit, pushing it hard on YouTube with short segments that did not win over viewers. A particularly bad one was a segment about how the Joker movie sucked, but it was based on the trailer. They also didn’t like overly long theme song that played in the very first sample provided. Can’t imagine how they’d react to his baffling Smash Bros. views (ME WANT BURGERTIME IN SMASH)
And so, after six episodes, GeekTime silently came to an end. No official word, nothing from Chris or Tim saying “it’s over”, just a quiet cancellation. GeekTime content was removed from his channel, apart from the sixth and final episode. Though he still links the Podbean page with all six episodes still there.
Maybe if Chris kept at it, he could develop some charisma and provide thoughts and ideas that didn’t make him come off like a total boomer. Too bad that won’t happen now.
10. Simpsons Clips are not a Substitute for Content
IG celebrated Halloween this year with something a little different. A Simpsons game, specifically the one based on the Treehouse of Horror episodes. It’s a mediocre game but it should have had plenty to talk about, right? Well, Chris decided to fill half his video with Simpsons clips. Many with little set-up or point. What little content he did have was… lame as hell. Like saying “fuck” and having it appear in text. Because that’s a joke somehow…
It does make me wonder how he’s making money from these. Along with the copyrighted material, he curses a lot. Only one video had a genuine sponsorship, the others seemed fake (no link in the description or anything). He still won’t open a Patreon either. It is a mystery.
9. Stale Turtle Soup
A strange theme with the Irate Gamer relaunch is recycling old material. The first example of this was talking about old TMNT games again.
In a video he bragged about getting to 20 minutes in length (which he had to really pad out), Bores either repeats many of his old points, or outright lies and contradicts his old points. Like his anger towards the “two new levels” of the NES port suddenly became total glee and excitement and “the reason” he bought the NES version. The only positive I can say is that he finally figured out that Turtles in Time was originally an Arcade game, though he never acknowledges that he made a mistake. I wonder if the Arcade 1Up machine is how he found out…
8. No Amount of People Can Help
For the longest time, I have pushed for Chris to get people to help with his videos. Someone to veto bad ideas or add new ones or do something different. This year, he finally did that. It became clear to me that a video production is like a car. You can replace various parts and keep things running, but if the engine is bad then the whole thing falls apart. Chris is the engine. No matter how many people he gets to help, if his direction is still nonsense, then the videos will be crap. As shown with his video on Punisher games. He got someone to help him, but it suffered from a lot of the same problems as his other videos. Bad jokes, barely any “reviewing”, needless movie clips, all that changed is he got someone to do the heavy lifting. I can only hope all these people are getting paid, otherwise Chris will have a scandal that will destroy him.
7. The Ghosts n’ Goblins Series is Supposed to be Hard
Before the Simpsons video above, Bores did another Halloween episode. Following up his Ghosts n’ Goblins review from 13 years ago, he decides to look at the sequel, Ghouls n’ Ghosts, on Sega Genesis. What we get is a painfully stupid slog where he cries over and over again about how hard the game is, missing the point entirely. He mostly praises the graphics and some of the changes made (the golden armor being one) while complaining “Why this no in first gamme?!” The whole video reeked of someone that only just found out the week before that the game existed and doesn’t understand how sequels work.
Also, he had a bootleg copy. No idea why, the game isn’t that expensive.
Think he’ll talk about the new game that just got announced for Switch?
6. Lazy Cameos
When Bores announced his big comeback with Ghostbusters, he teased that there would be an appearance from actor Ernie Hudson. When the video came, he made sure we knew Hudson was in it with the title and thumbnail. When he showed up… it was a lazy cell phone video that felt really out of place.
Then people did a little digging and found out the truth. Chris went to cameo.com and paid $75 for Hudson to record a stock message (as it included Hudson mentioning his other roles like Oz and The Hand That Rocks the Cradle). Chris just lazily pasted the message into different points of his video. Interesting enough, Hudson raised his rate to $135. I doubt it’s related to this though.
This would be the start of a trend as Chris would continue to include lazily done paid cameos from 80’s “icons” in his videos. Including Rob Paulsen in Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and Peter Weller in RoboCop. While Paulsen’s cameo had a little more effort in it with him saying some lines as Raphael, Weller’s cameo was clearly done just to get it done. He filmed it while taking a walk, and barely bothered to learn Chris’ name (calling him Chris Irate… though knowing Bores he probably wanted to be called that).
Bores acted like these cameos were huge deals that his fans would love, when most people saw through the lame use of an online service. Can’t imagine he made enough money on those videos to justify the cost. Although, there is one cameo that deserves special mention. Leading us into…
5. The Angry Video Game Nerd *ahem* “Crossover”
2020 is the year of “what the actual fuck”. With everyone stuck at home, we bared witness to all sorts incessant insanity. What happened here… was not one of them.
Shortly after his big comeback video, IG put out a teaser for a crossover nobody saw coming. One 13 years in the making. A crossover with the Angry Video Game Nerd. The internet, known for reacting like animals over the smallest of news, went…. “meh”
For those somehow unaware, there are two reasons Bores became notable. YouTube featuring his videos, and people pointing out what a shameless Angry Video Game Nerd rip-off he is. The latter basically made him a joke (even though it was the least of his problems) and despite numerous accusations, Chris purposely avoided talking about it. Over time he would make brief mentions of the AVGN, like in his 200th video (that was deleted), the “E-begging Spoof” (that he still hasn’t deleted) and the controversial Opening Up video (which he also hasn’t deleted). But the two would never work together. … Until now!
Promising a big “Summer of AVGN” (that never happened), Bores went all out in marketing the crossover. Banners on YouTube and Facebook, trailers, a live stream about the video, even releasing a t-shirt! I can’t imagine the kind of person that would buy that.
Wait, what game would they be talking about though? Surely something epically bad right? It was Dick Tracy. Wait, a game the Nerd has already covered? That doesn’t make sense.
The day finally came, and the truth was revealed. It wasn’t a crossover at all, it was a glorified cameo. All that hype for, at most, two minutes of screentime. Maybe Chris does have a future in marketing? Oh wait, the “meh” reaction came from the fact that most people didn’t know IG was still around and felt this crossover would have made more sense in 2009 when AVGN was still great. Though Chris claims James organized things, Screenwave giant Justin Silverman noted in an interview that he was responsible. Sounds about right…
IG would continue referencing the Nerd in future videos, yet James has at no point referenced the video’s existence. This, and the above-mentioned videos still existing, calls into question a common thing a lot of people were saying when the video came out. That James and Chris were now friends, and we should stop making fun of Irate Gamer. Ignoring that the plagiarism aspect is only a small part of why he sucks. Are they really “friends” though? Chris says that, but Chris is a pathological liar. I doubt they have much of a working relationship outside of Justin forcing James to film that cameo (also the Puppet Steve voice work but I don’t know if Screenwave was involved in that). Who knows, maybe we’ll see more when COVID slows down.
4. A Bizarre Obsession with Arcades
This year, Chris has gone coo-coo crazy over Arcade cabinets. Rather, “affordable” replicas of Arcade cabinets. Though the signs were there at the tail-end of Chris Neo, it really exploded this year. He remodeled his basement to look like an Arcade, and most videos have to reference an Arcade game of some kind. The zenith of this was a video talking about how ports of Arcade games to Atari and NES were inferior, a concept that anyone with a brain could tell you. It felt more like Chris wanting to show off all his Arcade 1Up toys. Hell, his last video of the year was shilling a Dragon’s Lair Arcade replica. A game that you can easily play on your PS4, Xbone or Switch RIGHT NOW
All these cabinets could not have been cheap. Where did he get the money? I have noticed that he doesn’t talk about Switch games, even on Puppet Steve. Did he sell his Switch? That would explain why he didn’t go crazy over Steve in Smash (a prediction I am glad I was wrong about).
Still, to remodel the whole basement? Makes me wonder if he’s going through a mid-life crisis.
3. How to Make Cereal Annoying
You thought Irate Gamer was the only thing returning this year? Surprise! I Rate the 80’s is back! For some reason.
However, he has only talked about cereal. Because he still doesn’t understand that “comedy” videos about cereal very rarely work.
He talked about the short-lived Nintendo cereal, spending 15 minutes gushing about it yet never saying if it was good or not. Ending off on a hyper-cringe reenactment of the commercial, adding verses to the jingle that really didn’t need to be added. It was absolutely awful. This is someone that wants to be on TV.
He followed up with a video on the Family Matters tie-in cereal Urkel-O’s because he referenced it in the above video, and was surprised people thought he was joking (and the fact he doesn’t understand why people thought that shows why he fails as a comedian). It was 9 minutes of “Family Matters was great, this cereal exists”. Along with poorly dubbing over an error he made about Urkel’s catchphrase.
Stop talking about cereal! There is no audience!
2. Recycled RoboCop Rubbish
With 8 IG videos, 2 80’s videos, and one shilling video, what was the worst out of all of these? Easily, RoboCop.
Making this the THIRD time he’s talked about RoboCop on NES, Chris expands on it by also talking about the Arcade game (yep), the Game Boy games, and RoboCop vs Terminator. You’d think that would make it better right? Thing is, he did a lot of recycling. As in, taking footage from his old 2011 RoboCop video and repurposing it with no changes. Ignoring the fact that 9 years ago he was in an entirely different house and room. Does he think his viewers are so stupid that they wouldn’t notice? He seemed more concerned with having Peter Weller than making a decent video. The only thing he seemed to try was writing around the Wise Sage, who had a comment about Macaulay Culkin and Mila Kunis in the original that was instead delivered by Bores. Making me wonder if Eric Allen (Wise Sage’s actor) had a falling out with Chris.
Either way, the sheer laziness and ineptitude on display here made this the worst video of the year. But not the worst moment. Oh no, that dubious honor goes to…
1. The Absolute Insanity of the Ghost Doctor
We have long established that Bores is obsessed with ghosts. Whether it’s hunting them or claiming to be a “behaviorist”, he can’t get enough. He’s also so dedicated to his own methods that he ended up getting kicked out of a paranormal Facebook group for being hostile to other members trying different ideas.
Hence, his endless pursuit of getting a TV show and constantly retooling his ghost material in the hopes of getting a deal. This time, Chris is now the “Ghost Doctor”.
Chris claims he had a TV deal in the works with the Travel Channel, but he was passed over for Jason Hawes’ “Ghost Nation”. He’s super bitter about it, making several angry Facebook posts about the show. I have serious doubts that he was even considered. They would rather invest in someone with history than some talentless nobody with zero charisma. TV is slowly dying anyway; streaming is the future.
Deterred by this “setback”, Chris decided to open another YouTube channel dedicated to the Ghost Doctor, where he would post the pilot and several other ghost videos that the paranormal community tried to hold back (pfffft yeah right). But before he did that, he decided to showcase who he really is.
After an introduction video, he posted a video claiming that a “Paranormal Pandemic” is coming (in the middle of an actual pandemic), and that we’re not doing enough to stop it. Showcasing out of context celebrity clips where they “praise Satan”, claiming that negativity in general will send you to Hell, how you don’t even have to worship Satan to be a Satanist, how aliens are really just ghosts, how we no longer have picnics at graveyards, and all sorts of batshit lunacy that I’m surprised hasn’t been mocked more.
Then after that, he posted a video where he claimed to hear the ghost of George Floyd, likely to “cash in” on the Black Lives Matter protests and somehow make himself sound legit. I know I didn’t make a post about it, but it really needed to be mentioned.
He hasn’t done a video like that since. Mostly just uploads of his “hunts”, including one where he claims to talk to the Wright brothers.
I’m surprised Bores is still trying with this shit. Ghost Doctor isn’t popular at all, only one video has over 10k views (not counting the Coast to Coast AM interview that he didn’t make). Though ghost stuff is super niche, Bores clearly can’t break into the market. Perhaps it’s time to try a new hobby? Or at least, keep it to yourself. Nobody wants to watch videos about it. Then again, this could also be part of his midlife crisis.
Whew, and that is the list! A lot sure has happened this year, and that’s with everybody stuck inside.
What will happen next year? Will Chris stop gushing about Arcade games? Will he try modern games again? Is the James Rolfe friendship real or just a lie? Is Chris’ claim that he has multiple editors working on multiple videos true? Either way, I’ll be here to cover it.
As we head into the new year, please be safe. Wash your hands, wear a mask, stay away from people, and be careful.
