Last week on “GotGame is seriously funding this crap?”
Wait, Pokemon is popular? Well then, I’m going to be the Pokemon Master!
What will this week bring?
Stories from August 19th 2013
“Skylander Figures Top Selling Action Figure In U.S. & Europe in 2013”
And we once again start the week with a Skylanders story. Jeeeeez. Do you think he’ll mention anything about Gamescom?
“I knew Activision would have a hit ion there hands” The “ion” typo is bad enough, but it’s not “there” it’s “their”. “A hit on their hands”, “There are many Skylanders articles on IG‘s site” “His fans? They’re tired of his lack of videos”
“And even more interesting, Skylanders Giants was the #1 best-selling console and hand-held game overall in dollars.” Ever consider that has to do with the games being more expensive than every other game? $70-90 dollars compared to $60? Just saying.
“I’ll probably get most of them for Youtube channel/Webpage usage, but I for see parents and kids alike slowing down on ‘having to catch them all’ with this installment.” So, you’re “forced” to spend money on toys yet you complain when you can’t get free games? You complain on Facebook when Nintendo and Ubisoft won’t send you Pokemon or Assassin’s Creed, yet at the first sign of new Skylanders you shout “Shut up and take my money!” I think your priorities are screwed up Mr. Irate “Gamer”
For some reason, the picture used for this article is a picture of himself sitting at his table with a bunch of Skylanders. Apparently, just using photos of the boxes or figures was not enough and he had to include his ego in there.
“X-Men: Days of Future Past Cast Picture Revealled (Wolverine, Charles Xavier, Beast)”
Revealed is spelled with one “L”, not two.
“Nicolas Hoult as Hank McCoy” You also got his name wrong, it’s spelled “Nicholas”, like author Nicholas Sparks, and Nicholas Briggs, the voice of multiple Doctor Who monsters. You confused it with Nicolas Cage.
“(…) been unearthed by those geeky internet trolls that can hack into anything. God bless them!” Until they decide to hack your stuff, then they’re the scum of the earth. Pretty sure that’s not how the photo was found.
Also, trolls are hackers? Logic.
“Monster Cereals Return, along with Yummy Mummy & Fruit Brute?!”
Aw crap, I knew he would notice this.
Last Saturday, “harryhenry” linked this Tumblr post in my comments. http://kefkafloyd.tumblr.com/post/58534133061/mummyshark-guys-if-this-photo-courtesy-of
Yeah, it looks like General Mills is bringing back Fruity Yummy Mummy and Fruit Brute, the two monster cereals they discontinued.
“Will it taste the same? I’m sure that will be a resounding no, but I’ll probably pick one up anyway” Chris, do you know why these cereals were discontinued? I’ve never had Yummy Mummy, but I’ve talked to people that did and they all say it sucked. They got rid of it because people tried it, they hated it, and they stopped buying it.
Yes, they probably changed the recipe, but the monster cereals only come out during autumn. More people gravitate towards the first three so I don’t see the returning cereals lasting that long.
At first, I was going to criticize Bores for misspelling Fruit Brute in the tags as “Frute Brute”. But I took a closer look at the picture and saw that’s what General Mills are calling it now. That’s just weird.
“Captain N and the New Super Mario World Complete Series Show – Collector’s Edition DVD”
Ewwww. Well, at least the YouTube Poop crowd will be happy. Wait, what am I saying? They prefer low quality clips for added distortion.
“Good News Old School Mario fans!” Not really good news, most people hated these shows. Maybe it’s good news for you since that’s where all your video game knowledge comes from.
“New Irate Gamer Episode Very Soon!”
By the time this post goes up, I will have covered the episode.
“Unless something crazy happens like an Internet outage or Godzilla destroys the city” You don’t even live in Japan.
“The Evilness ensues!” Urrrrrgh.
UPDATE: Chris updated the post when he released the episode.
“the Evilness outside his house ensues bringing this story arc to one crazy boil!” More like an annoying boil on my back.
Why is “evilness” capitalized? Is that the name of Shadow Overlord’s little group? Would have been nice if you established that!
Here's the recap: http://irategamersucks.blogspot.com/2013/08/go-go-power-rangers-stop-irate-gamer.html
Other stories:
“Animated GIF – Global Internet Usage Throughout 24 hours”
Stories from August 20th 2013
“Batman: Arkham Origins – The Batcave Revealed”
“Now Warner Bros. has dropped us some great pictures of the Batcave, something that hasn’t really been explored in previous Arkham games.” Incorrect. While not the actual Batcave, there was a spare Batcave used in Arkham Asylum.
“Will it contain the giant penny? Robin suits? the Bat Bathroom Urinal?” There wouldn’t be any Robin suits, Arkham Origins takes place when Batman was young, before he recruited Dick Grayson or any wards for that matter. Also, more toilet humor! I love how he specifies they’re “bathroom urinals”. As opposed to what, kitchen urinals?
“Super Mario-64 / Old Spice Guy – Hilarious Video Mashup”
*looks up video through YouTube search* Six months old.
“Remember that crazy old spice guy from the commercials? Someone spliced him into a Mario Themed crazsy commercial causing all sorts of hilarious madness.” So, he spells “crazy” correctly once, and then gets it wrong the second time. Too many typos!
I watched the video, and it’s nothing more than a YTP Remix. You know, Gamescom started today. Anything about that?
“The Swords of Legend of Zelda Poster”
By the way Bores, there’s a new 3DS Zelda coming in a few months. Aren’t you ever going to mention that? Or the Wind Waker HD for Wii U? No?
What’s weird is that Bores quoted the artist’s dA description but somehow botched it. There’s random capitalization all over IG’s site, none of it matching up with the original post. Did Bores fail at copy-pasting it and wrote it by hand?
“Hats off to you Brian, Heres some rupees for your trouble. Don’t go spending them all in one place now…because they are fake. muhahaha! *runs away*” Why would you even have fake Indian currency? Oh, you didn’t know that Rupees were actually a real thing? And you call yourself a history buff.
“Mega Man Coolness – Supermarket Shaped Ground Meat”
I should mention that at the time Chris posted this, the news of PS4’s release date had spread through the internet. Instead, he’s far more interested in posting pictures of food shaped into Mega Man and Cut Man! What a waste.
“The Irate Gamer Game – More Pictures”
This game looks worse and worse. I look forward to the negative reviews.
Other stories:
“Star Trek: The Next Generation – Blu-ray Season 5, and ‘Unification’”
Stories from August 21st 2013
“Capcom Tells us Which games are essentials for Ps3 and XBox 360”
I’d give him praise for talking about a newly announced game (well, compilation) but this news is a week old. Keep up the pace!
“In a daring move, Capcom has told us their most essential games that are must haves for your video game system for their special edition collection.” What’s daring about it? Isn’t this the same thing as a Greatest Hits album? You’re not going to agree with everything they pick as “essential” or “great”. I mean, Resident Evil 6? Really?
“Isn’t that just every blockbuster game they’ve released in the past 3 years?” Hahaha noooo. You’re forgetting Ultimate Marvel vs. Capcom 3, DmC: Devil May Cry, Lost Planet 2, Dragon’s Dogma, Asura’s Wrath, Resident Evil 5: Gold Edition and probably some others. Also, Devil May Cry 4 came out five years ago, not three. And would you really consider Mega Man 10 a “blockbuster”?
By the way, they probably picked these games because they’re all PS3/360 games complete with discs or download codes. If you wanted “essentials” that went all the way back to the NES or SNES, buy a Wii U and download them.
If I may digress, why include Super Street Fighter IV? Ultra Street Fighter IV is coming next year. Sure one can just download it to SSFIV, but Capcom knows they can earn more by selling the retail copies. Then again, they seem to think it’s financially reasonable to send out gold-plated DuckTales NES cartridges filled with real shredded money solely to press members, but releasing a retail version of Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney - Dual Destinies is “far too risky” despite the Ace Attorney series having a really big following.
“Get me Capcom Marketing on the phone and hire that guy for theirategamer.com!” Wow, so much wrong in this one sentence.
I’m not going to deny that Capcom is facing a shitload of problems, but hiring you would be a terrible idea. In so many ways. What exactly would you recommend? Like I said above, stuff from the NES and SNES wouldn’t happen.
And “that guy from (your site)”? You’re the only person that works on it! You have no other writers or personnel. You confuse me so much.
“Multicolored Lobster: 1 in a 50 million Find!”
This article is about exactly what you think it’s about. Rare multi-colored lobster. I’m sorry, isn’t this site supposed to be about video games? Even Kotaku wouldn’t post stuff this pointless.
“So one in a 50 million chance?? those odds must have gone down.” There are multiple species of lobster, millions and millions residing in the ocean, many are caught everyday for human consumption. There’s thousands of fisherman all over the world. Also, it’s possible that these two lobsters were discovered months apart.
“At any rate, fire me up some water. I’m getting hungry for some sea food!” … I really wouldn’t eat the red & blue lobster, or the green & orange lobster.
But I would want to pet the two-faced cat Venus. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k38bfE3ubrs
Look at her, she’s adorable!
“Batman: Arkham Origins – Super Ultra Collectors Edition Revealed”
“People must love all these different editions of video games because it seems everyone is going the collector’s edition route.” Where the fuck have you been? Publishers have been doing this for years! Every time he says something like this, it feels like he’s been living in a bomb shelter for 30 years and he just got out and all he knew about video games was Pac-Man and Space Invaders.
“Whoa hold the phone, a Knightfall pack? featuring the crazy story arc where Bruce had his back broken by Bane? Whoa I just might have to check that out if its true!” I don’t know… if it means we have to play as Azrael, then I’m not going to like that.
Stories from August 22nd 2013
“Mike Tyson Plays Punchout for NES Nintendo For First Time”
“Nothing like branding your name on something and not even checking out the finished product” Oh I’m sorry, I’m pretty sure Mike Tyson was kind of busy in 1987 being the undisputed heavyweight champion of the world! He didn’t exactly have time to check out a toy for kids.
“(theirategamer line of parachutes come to mind. How was I supposed to know they would explode!)” Wha? Why would parachutes explode? I can understand snapping but exploding? Is this his attempt at being random? Or is this more of his belief that explosions are a good substitute for actual jokes?
And you would know all about quality control with your rushed DVDs and flimsy mouse pads. *checks store* He doesn’t even sell the mouse pads anymore!
“Dang, he even took a beating from Glass joe, GLASS JOE!” You do realize that real life skills do not translate over to video games skills right? I know you’ve been living under a rock, but back when Guitar Hero and Rock Band were popular, there were videos of famous guitarists and rock stars trying their own song in the game and failing. Scott Ian of Anthrax tried Madhouse and failed, all of Rush tried Tom Sawyer and failed. I’m not surprised Tyson couldn’t beat Glass Joe.
“They should’ve just got the cheat code that warped you to the last bout with Tyson and get his reaction on playing against himself.” And of course, Chris Bores’ solution is just to cheat to the end. The more things change, the more they stay the same.
“Diablo 3: Reaper of Souls Opening Cinematic from Blizzard”
I still find his love of the Diablo series weird. It’s so out of place for him.
The cinematic showcased is about the Reaper kicking ass. Leading to this.
“Lets hope Bill and Ted don’t tangle with that guy!” Ugggh, I get the reference but it’s so stupid and out of place. I don’t get how you see Grim Reaper and Bill & Ted is the first thing that comes to mind. Why not Castlevania? Or Darksiders II? Or Grim Fandango? Humoring the idea he even knows what Grim Fandango is.
“2013 Release Dates Confirmed – Mickey Mouse, Rain, Castlevania LoS2”
This article provides some updates on game releases. *looks* I still don’t see The Wonderful 101.
“We’ve got a ton of updated release dates for games for you.” Who’s we? You’re the only one that writes for the site.
“Rain, the game that’s artistically and visually cool looking releases Oct 1” You could easily remove the title and release date and apply that sentence to just about any game. It’s such a vague description.
Other stories:
“Katee Sackhoff Wants to Play Harley Quinn in a Batman Film”
“EPIC 10,000-Piece LEGO Mosaic Of Video Game Characters”
Stories from August 23rd 2013
“Meet the New Batman – Ben Affleck??! WTF!”
Yeah… this news.
My thoughts personally? At first I was very skeptical, but I calmed down and just decided to wait and see. Remember, we all thought Heath Ledger was going to fail as The Joker. Besides, if Affleck ends up doing well, he could redeem what’s going to be a shitty sequel (it has the same team behind Man of Steel, I have zero expectations that this will be good).
“Ugg Did they even watch Daredevil?! Terrible Choice Warner Brothers!! Come on!” Did you watch The Town or Argo? Affleck has become an amazing director. Sure he’s not the best actor but maybe he’s picked up a few tricks since. Of course, his skills will also depend on Zack Snyder’s direction and he’s… just keep expectations low for the whole movie.
“I continue to become depressed at the state of affairs over at DC. I’m a DC guy so I want to see this stuff succeed." Do you even read the comics Chris? All you seem to care about are the movies, and those are still somewhat succeeding. Hell, Man of Steel made money. The comics are in a bad state sure, but unless you’re invested in reading them, then you really shouldn’t talk.
“Lego Marvel Super Heroes – Lego Silver Surfer, Modok, Galactus, Deadpool, etc”
“Gamescom is upon us” Upon us? Today is the last day! Where the hell were you on Tuesday when they announced the release date of the PS4? You still haven’t brought that up!
“and we here and Irate Gamer have all the info” Again, who’s “we”? You keep referring to a “we” but you’re the only writer on the site. Do you have ghost writers? Is Steve Masters doing articles for you? Are you speaking with the Royal “We“? Did you bond with the Venom Symbiote and you have to refer to yourself as “we” from now on?
By the way, Venom is in Lego Marvel Super Heroes. Neat.
Other stories:
“Pirates of the Caribbean 5th Film: Dead Men Tell No Tale”
“Calvin & Hobbes Comics Superimposed Into Real Photos”
That’s all for this week. We saw that Power Rangers video and the continuation of his “epic” story. *shudders* That was… an experience.
We know Bores fails at gathering news, but this week was exceptionally bad. We saw Sony announce the release date of the PlayStation 4, and Bores hasn’t said a damn thing about it. Hell, he just got around to Gamescom four days late. You know what, I don’t care if he thinks it’s legit fan art, turn him into a Slowpoke. He probably wouldn’t realize it’s an insult until it’s far too late.
Showing posts with label Attempts the News. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Attempts the News. Show all posts
Saturday, August 24, 2013
Saturday, August 17, 2013
IG Attempts the News: What's a Pokemon?
Last time on “Chris Bores wants to be Newsarama now”
Is he getting paid by comic book companies?
What will this week bring?
Stories from August 12th 2013
“WWE 2K14: 30th Anniversary WrestleMania Mode Announced”
Oh yeah, Bores was a wrestling fan at one point. Forgot about that.
This story is about how the next WWE game will have a campaign going through the 30 years of WrestleMania. For fans, that sounds really nice.
“Sounds like a winner to me! Unless they decide to revisit the whole Naked Mideon Story Arc. Or the Patterson and Brisco Bra and Panties Match. Then I’m burning my copy!” … Wha?
Okay, doing some research, the first thing he’s referring to was a gimmick from Dennis Knight that happened outside of WrestleMania. I’m pretty sure this mode will only cover what happened in the actual WrestleMania events. The second thing is his lame attempt at a joke since Patterson and Brisco are men.
Besides, he didn’t even mention the greatest part about this game. The ability to play as the Ultimate Warrior! Load the spaceship with the rocket fuel, load it with the words!
*looks at tags* He misspelled The Rock as “the orck”. How do you miss typos that obvious?
“Conan O’Brien Plays Atari 2600 Classics: Clueless Gamer”
Alright! Old news!
“Back again is Conan O’brien as the ‘Clueless Gamer’. Close cousin to the name ‘Irate Gamer,’” Personally, I think that name would fit Bores better. He often has no clue what he’s talking about.
“Some of these will actually be covered in the History of Video Games Part 6 releasing soon in where I cover the Atari system.” How soon is “soon” in your warped idea of time? Keep in mind, it’s been 17 months since the last one. Just stop.
“Food Fight – Food Mascots in Mortal Kombat”
Another picture he found cool, and it’s food related. Of course it is…
Not sure why he calls it Mortal Kombat, it’s just violent fighting. Not all violent fighting is Mortal Kombat.
Hitting the jump reveals he listed every single character in the picture. On the top he lists Kool-Aid Man, or rather “Kool-Aid Guy”. Seriously? He’s a character on your own damn show and you can’t even get his name right? Come on!
Other stories:
“Mega Man: Awesome Video Game Gameplay Mosaic Art”
Stories from August 13th 2013
“Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle Art: Last Turtle Standing”
More awesome pictures he found… yaaaaaay.
Now the title of this series is “goodbye, my brothers…” and Bores wanted to showcase that with italics. Okay, that makes sense. Except he forgot to turn off italics, and the rest of the article is in them, making it half normal and half italics. And you claimed to have worked on newspapers?
“Don’t worry, No need to feel sorry for them because this is only a work of fiction. The real ninja turtles are running around trying to keep the technodrone from destroying us all. thank god.” First of all, it’s Technodrome not “drone”. Pretty sure everyone would see it as an even greater threat if that was the case. Second, and I think this AVGN quote is appropriate here, they’re not real! Stop acting like they’re fucking real!
You’re over 30, you should be able to separate fantasy from reality. If someone tries to claim this is a joke, I ask how is this a joke? There’s nothing to it that seems like humor.
“Epic Best Buy Prank: The Useless Box $99.99”
This refers to a prank by the artist Plastic Jesus, where he places a useless box on Best Buy store shelves and makes it look like a real product. Seen it done before…
“Simply a work of pure genius if you ask me. (Although I do the same thing with my Irate Gamer DVD’s the the Best Buy DVD selection. Take that Best Buy!)” Well, it is the only way you’ll get people to buy them, by tricking them. Not that you’ll get any of the money. Didn’t really think this plan through huh?
“Japanese Woodblock Nintendo Characters – Mario Kart and More”
More pictures… for fuck’s sake!
There’s real news out there! Why not report how the Xbox One no longer requires Kinect to function? Or how Bulletstorm didn’t break 1 million sales and was considered a failure? Or how humans have spent 2.85 million years total playing Call of Duty?
Other stories:
“Disney INfinity: More Sets Announced at D23 – Toy Story, Wreck it ralph”
Stories from August 14th 2013
“Diablo 3: Reaper of Souls Expansion Pack Being Teased?”
Is that… actual gaming news? I don’t believe it! He’s actually talking about something related to video games that isn’t related to god damn Skylanders! Oh wow. .. He’s going to screw this up somehow isn’t he?
*reads though* Not too horrible actua- waaaaait.
“The Console version of Diablo 3 arrivals on PS3 and Xbox 360 on September 3, while the PS4 receives the game sometime next year.” So we’re just going to forget the Xbox One exists? Cause Diablo III is coming to that as well.
“Super Luigi-U Bros. – Luigi Hijacks Chicago’s L Train For Game Release”
Could you be anymore wrong with that title? It’s “New Super Luigi U” not … Super Luigi-U Bros. In fact, “Bros” isn’t even in the title, the logo for the game purposely crosses out that word to show that Luigi is the only playable Mario brother.
“Nintendo recently tweeted this picture of Luigi Hijacking the Chicago L Train to promote the release of the hard copy of Super Luigi U Bros releasing very soon” You really couldn’t find a better word than hijacking? You make it sound like Luigi violently took over the train and held everyone hostage.
“Right after this picture was taken though, the L train stopped in a rough neighborhood and a gang of Koopa Troopa’s walked aboard and pick pocketed hundreds of golden coins from poor Weegee.” Get it? Because Chicago has crime… *pukes* At least he didn’t call them “Koopa Turtles”. He’s learning.
“Funny, I did the same thing at E3.” You’re saying you robbed Luigi? Goody, more jokes where Chris claims he’s a psycho. Haven’t seen these in a while.
“X-men Rogue Almost in The Wolverine Movie”
At least he spelled Rogue right.
He quotes an article about Rogue almost appearing in The Wolverine and how they didn’t do it because it would have felt forced.
“Good idea. Lets not start ‘crowbar’ing people into this movie or we’ll have another Gambit type situation on our hands.” Weren’t you one of the few people defending his appearance in X-Men Origins? You were claiming that all the characters were developed, making me doubt you even saw the movie.
“Although I wouldn’t mind a Bill Compton appearance, but that would be just silly.” Who? *looks him up* Oh, a character in True Blood. Maybe he meant his actor Stephen Moyer? *looks up his roles* No he never appeared in anything related to Marvel, but he’s married to Anna Paquin, who is on True Blood and played Rogue in the X-Men movies. … Yeah, I’m declaring this reference a massive reach.
UPDATE: Good timing that he brought up X-Men Origins: Wolverine here. On August 16th, the good folks at RedLetterMedia uploaded the newest Half in the Bag, where Mike & Jay looked over both solo Wolverine movies. During it, they make two jabs towards IG’s X-Men Origins review, mocking his use of “All that and a bag of potato chips” and the fact he gave it an “A+”.
You can watch it here: http://redlettermedia.com/half-in-the-bag-the-wolverine-vs-x-men-origins-wolverine/
But that’s not all, if you actually go to IG’s video and read the comments, you’ll see one left by RLM’s YouTube channel saying “Amazing review!” Obviously sarcasm if you’re at all familiar with their work. There’s also plenty of RLM fans raiding the comments to, some asking if he’s actually serious with this video. Sadly, he was. All his movie reviews were like that back then. Now, we’re lucky to get anything, and the last movie review was an 11 minute vlog of Man of Stzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz next story.
UPDATE 2: Oh lame, Chris deleted all the comments. I'd post a screencap of RLM"s comment but... I didn't get one. Damn.
“Star Trek Crew Beams Into Microsoft’s Lobby”
At the time I saw this, he didn’t even give this article a picture, or a proper headline. It looks like a mess.
“Microsoft on Monday” That’s interesting, is that a new event, or a new branch of MS? No, it’s just more of his terrible grammar. The acceptable way to say that would have been “On Monday, Microsoft…”
By the way, this story was submitted to him by “Ben the Ubernaut”. I know that name from the comments on GotGame, as one of the only people that actually cares to comment there. Apparently he’s now giving Bores stories.
Other stories:
“Iron Man 3 – Video Gag Reel Outtakes Promotes Blu-Ray, DVD Release”
“Simpsons Tapped out – Rainier Wolfcastle, McBain Newest Character”
Stories from August 15th 2013
“Assassin’s Creed Movie gets new writer”
Forgot this was a thing… I think everybody did. Probably because the story in Assassin’s Creed is kind of dumb.
Wait, it’s coming in 2015? Okay, studios? You need to stop planning everything for that year, it’s extremely crowded already.
“Lets all cross our fingers and hope this movie will be a downright good time!” Hahaha no. Sure it might look pretty, but it will full of bastardized history and a lot of nonsense involving aliens. Also, it will suck even more if the movie follows Altair rather than Ezio.
“Pokemon X/Y 3DS – 100K Sell Out in Hours on Amazon Japan”
Wait a second, a post about Pokemon that isn’t about the one involving toy figures? Maybe he’s improving?
“I didn’t realize this franchise was chugging along with such a powerful following” … What? Where the fuck have you been for the last 15-17 years? Pokemon has always been huge. Were you in a coma in the 90’s when it was at its zenith? Did you completely forget how Nintendo dedicated a good chunk of their E3 Direct to Pokemon?
And what’s weird is what he said on Facebook at one point. A fan asked what his favorite 90’s cartoon was, and he said “I don’t know… Pokemon?” So he knows it existed back then. What is going on?!
“Holy freakin cow! Talk about a home run! Is this a warning sign of things to come when it’s released here in the US in a few months?” Yes! Everyone that’s versed in gaming sales, NPD or Media Create, knows full well just how popular Pokemon is. It’s going to make a fucking killing when it comes, and since this is the first worldwide release it will do even better than before. How do you underestimate this series? Pay! Attention!
“Super Smash Bros Wii U – Pilotwings Stage Teased”
“They are milking all these announcements for all their worth.” Were you completely unaware of the Smash Bros. Dojo back when Brawl was in the works? They had new announcements every day. In fact they were more detailed than the single pictures we’ve been getting here.
“Lets hope for a secret new Bi-plane playable character! Smash those brawlers bi-plane!” …. I don’t even know anymore.
“Japanese Stealth Batman – Square Enix Play Arts Kai DC Comics Variant”
“Look for this item in December 2013 with a price tag of $89 dollars?! Whew, looks like little Joey won’t be getting a Batman figure again this year from ol’ Scrooge Mc-Irate Gamer.” Or you could get him a much cheaper Batman figure. Wait, what am I saying? Joey isn’t fucking real! What is this crap?
Also, the correct term would be “Ebenezer Irate Gamer” or “Irate Scrooge“. Scrooge McDuck wasn’t as terrible a person as Charles Dickens’ Scrooge. If you’re going to do those jokes where you insert your name into things, at least do them correctly. I’m going to go vomit again.
Other stories:
“Portal 2 – Sunburst Turret Replica Toy Statue”
“Breaking Bad – Custom Lego Meth Lab Playset”
Stories from August 16th 2013
“Skylanders Swap Force: Dark Edition Starter Pack”
When does Swap Force come out? *checks* October 13th?! DAMN IT!
“Maybe I’ll pick one up for the dark Wash Buckler and Blast Zone but the others, I’ll just give to little cousin Joey. There, now stop bugging me to play with my Skylanders. They are mine, and I don’t share! Rawr!” Joey! Isn’t! Real! He is a character you made up for your show. Quit pretending he’s actually your cousin. What is going on? This is the second story in two days where he pretends Joey is real.
Also, funny how he says here that he doesn’t share, but at E3 he claimed he plays the game with his family. That doesn’t match up at all!
“Realistic Pokemon Pokeball Replicas For Sale”
More Pokemon news? Maybe someone is ghost-writing the site?
“Want to be a Pokemon Master? Too bad because I’m going to be the master! there can be only one!” So, he didn’t realize Pokemon was still popular, but he knows about the term “Pokemon Master”. I’m so confused.
Two things. One, you can’t call yourself a Pokemon anything until you’ve played the games, and I know you haven’t. Two, Pokemon Masters aren’t actually real. It’s a made-up, intentionally vague term created to prolong the anime and keep Ash as the protagonist. They really should have followed Pokemon Special’s example and have a new protagonist every game arc, with previous characters returning for the remakes.
UPDATE: Hahaha wow, the moment I say I want an animated adaptation closer to the games and manga, the “Pokemon Game Show” event drops a megaton. Coming this October is “Pokemon: The Origin”, an all new animated series following video game protagonist Red and his rival Green (or Blue for Western audiences). If it’s anything like Pokemon Special, it’s going to kick so much ass.
Other stories:
“5,000 Year Old Board Game Token Pieces Unearthed In Turkey”
“Injustice: Gods Among Us – General Zod Man of Steel Movie Skin”
That’s all for this week. Once again, no videos this week either. How much longer is he going to keep up this weak-ass Kotaku?
Here’s something funny though. His post last week about his next episode? 8 comments. Everything this week? 0-1 comments. It’s almost like even his fans don’t care for this crap and only for his videos. Hmmmmmmm.
Is he getting paid by comic book companies?
What will this week bring?
Stories from August 12th 2013
“WWE 2K14: 30th Anniversary WrestleMania Mode Announced”
Oh yeah, Bores was a wrestling fan at one point. Forgot about that.
This story is about how the next WWE game will have a campaign going through the 30 years of WrestleMania. For fans, that sounds really nice.
“Sounds like a winner to me! Unless they decide to revisit the whole Naked Mideon Story Arc. Or the Patterson and Brisco Bra and Panties Match. Then I’m burning my copy!” … Wha?
Okay, doing some research, the first thing he’s referring to was a gimmick from Dennis Knight that happened outside of WrestleMania. I’m pretty sure this mode will only cover what happened in the actual WrestleMania events. The second thing is his lame attempt at a joke since Patterson and Brisco are men.
Besides, he didn’t even mention the greatest part about this game. The ability to play as the Ultimate Warrior! Load the spaceship with the rocket fuel, load it with the words!
*looks at tags* He misspelled The Rock as “the orck”. How do you miss typos that obvious?
“Conan O’Brien Plays Atari 2600 Classics: Clueless Gamer”
Alright! Old news!
“Back again is Conan O’brien as the ‘Clueless Gamer’. Close cousin to the name ‘Irate Gamer,’” Personally, I think that name would fit Bores better. He often has no clue what he’s talking about.
“Some of these will actually be covered in the History of Video Games Part 6 releasing soon in where I cover the Atari system.” How soon is “soon” in your warped idea of time? Keep in mind, it’s been 17 months since the last one. Just stop.
“Food Fight – Food Mascots in Mortal Kombat”
Another picture he found cool, and it’s food related. Of course it is…
Not sure why he calls it Mortal Kombat, it’s just violent fighting. Not all violent fighting is Mortal Kombat.
Hitting the jump reveals he listed every single character in the picture. On the top he lists Kool-Aid Man, or rather “Kool-Aid Guy”. Seriously? He’s a character on your own damn show and you can’t even get his name right? Come on!
Other stories:
“Mega Man: Awesome Video Game Gameplay Mosaic Art”
Stories from August 13th 2013
“Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle Art: Last Turtle Standing”
More awesome pictures he found… yaaaaaay.
Now the title of this series is “goodbye, my brothers…” and Bores wanted to showcase that with italics. Okay, that makes sense. Except he forgot to turn off italics, and the rest of the article is in them, making it half normal and half italics. And you claimed to have worked on newspapers?
“Don’t worry, No need to feel sorry for them because this is only a work of fiction. The real ninja turtles are running around trying to keep the technodrone from destroying us all. thank god.” First of all, it’s Technodrome not “drone”. Pretty sure everyone would see it as an even greater threat if that was the case. Second, and I think this AVGN quote is appropriate here, they’re not real! Stop acting like they’re fucking real!
You’re over 30, you should be able to separate fantasy from reality. If someone tries to claim this is a joke, I ask how is this a joke? There’s nothing to it that seems like humor.
“Epic Best Buy Prank: The Useless Box $99.99”
This refers to a prank by the artist Plastic Jesus, where he places a useless box on Best Buy store shelves and makes it look like a real product. Seen it done before…
“Simply a work of pure genius if you ask me. (Although I do the same thing with my Irate Gamer DVD’s the the Best Buy DVD selection. Take that Best Buy!)” Well, it is the only way you’ll get people to buy them, by tricking them. Not that you’ll get any of the money. Didn’t really think this plan through huh?
“Japanese Woodblock Nintendo Characters – Mario Kart and More”
More pictures… for fuck’s sake!
There’s real news out there! Why not report how the Xbox One no longer requires Kinect to function? Or how Bulletstorm didn’t break 1 million sales and was considered a failure? Or how humans have spent 2.85 million years total playing Call of Duty?
Other stories:
“Disney INfinity: More Sets Announced at D23 – Toy Story, Wreck it ralph”
Stories from August 14th 2013
“Diablo 3: Reaper of Souls Expansion Pack Being Teased?”
Is that… actual gaming news? I don’t believe it! He’s actually talking about something related to video games that isn’t related to god damn Skylanders! Oh wow. .. He’s going to screw this up somehow isn’t he?
*reads though* Not too horrible actua- waaaaait.
“The Console version of Diablo 3 arrivals on PS3 and Xbox 360 on September 3, while the PS4 receives the game sometime next year.” So we’re just going to forget the Xbox One exists? Cause Diablo III is coming to that as well.
“Super Luigi-U Bros. – Luigi Hijacks Chicago’s L Train For Game Release”
Could you be anymore wrong with that title? It’s “New Super Luigi U” not … Super Luigi-U Bros. In fact, “Bros” isn’t even in the title, the logo for the game purposely crosses out that word to show that Luigi is the only playable Mario brother.
“Nintendo recently tweeted this picture of Luigi Hijacking the Chicago L Train to promote the release of the hard copy of Super Luigi U Bros releasing very soon” You really couldn’t find a better word than hijacking? You make it sound like Luigi violently took over the train and held everyone hostage.
“Right after this picture was taken though, the L train stopped in a rough neighborhood and a gang of Koopa Troopa’s walked aboard and pick pocketed hundreds of golden coins from poor Weegee.” Get it? Because Chicago has crime… *pukes* At least he didn’t call them “Koopa Turtles”. He’s learning.
“Funny, I did the same thing at E3.” You’re saying you robbed Luigi? Goody, more jokes where Chris claims he’s a psycho. Haven’t seen these in a while.
“X-men Rogue Almost in The Wolverine Movie”
At least he spelled Rogue right.
He quotes an article about Rogue almost appearing in The Wolverine and how they didn’t do it because it would have felt forced.
“Good idea. Lets not start ‘crowbar’ing people into this movie or we’ll have another Gambit type situation on our hands.” Weren’t you one of the few people defending his appearance in X-Men Origins? You were claiming that all the characters were developed, making me doubt you even saw the movie.
“Although I wouldn’t mind a Bill Compton appearance, but that would be just silly.” Who? *looks him up* Oh, a character in True Blood. Maybe he meant his actor Stephen Moyer? *looks up his roles* No he never appeared in anything related to Marvel, but he’s married to Anna Paquin, who is on True Blood and played Rogue in the X-Men movies. … Yeah, I’m declaring this reference a massive reach.
UPDATE: Good timing that he brought up X-Men Origins: Wolverine here. On August 16th, the good folks at RedLetterMedia uploaded the newest Half in the Bag, where Mike & Jay looked over both solo Wolverine movies. During it, they make two jabs towards IG’s X-Men Origins review, mocking his use of “All that and a bag of potato chips” and the fact he gave it an “A+”.
You can watch it here: http://redlettermedia.com/half-in-the-bag-the-wolverine-vs-x-men-origins-wolverine/
But that’s not all, if you actually go to IG’s video and read the comments, you’ll see one left by RLM’s YouTube channel saying “Amazing review!” Obviously sarcasm if you’re at all familiar with their work. There’s also plenty of RLM fans raiding the comments to, some asking if he’s actually serious with this video. Sadly, he was. All his movie reviews were like that back then. Now, we’re lucky to get anything, and the last movie review was an 11 minute vlog of Man of Stzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz next story.
UPDATE 2: Oh lame, Chris deleted all the comments. I'd post a screencap of RLM"s comment but... I didn't get one. Damn.
“Star Trek Crew Beams Into Microsoft’s Lobby”
At the time I saw this, he didn’t even give this article a picture, or a proper headline. It looks like a mess.
“Microsoft on Monday” That’s interesting, is that a new event, or a new branch of MS? No, it’s just more of his terrible grammar. The acceptable way to say that would have been “On Monday, Microsoft…”
By the way, this story was submitted to him by “Ben the Ubernaut”. I know that name from the comments on GotGame, as one of the only people that actually cares to comment there. Apparently he’s now giving Bores stories.
Other stories:
“Iron Man 3 – Video Gag Reel Outtakes Promotes Blu-Ray, DVD Release”
“Simpsons Tapped out – Rainier Wolfcastle, McBain Newest Character”
Stories from August 15th 2013
“Assassin’s Creed Movie gets new writer”
Forgot this was a thing… I think everybody did. Probably because the story in Assassin’s Creed is kind of dumb.
Wait, it’s coming in 2015? Okay, studios? You need to stop planning everything for that year, it’s extremely crowded already.
“Lets all cross our fingers and hope this movie will be a downright good time!” Hahaha no. Sure it might look pretty, but it will full of bastardized history and a lot of nonsense involving aliens. Also, it will suck even more if the movie follows Altair rather than Ezio.
“Pokemon X/Y 3DS – 100K Sell Out in Hours on Amazon Japan”
Wait a second, a post about Pokemon that isn’t about the one involving toy figures? Maybe he’s improving?
“I didn’t realize this franchise was chugging along with such a powerful following” … What? Where the fuck have you been for the last 15-17 years? Pokemon has always been huge. Were you in a coma in the 90’s when it was at its zenith? Did you completely forget how Nintendo dedicated a good chunk of their E3 Direct to Pokemon?
And what’s weird is what he said on Facebook at one point. A fan asked what his favorite 90’s cartoon was, and he said “I don’t know… Pokemon?” So he knows it existed back then. What is going on?!
“Holy freakin cow! Talk about a home run! Is this a warning sign of things to come when it’s released here in the US in a few months?” Yes! Everyone that’s versed in gaming sales, NPD or Media Create, knows full well just how popular Pokemon is. It’s going to make a fucking killing when it comes, and since this is the first worldwide release it will do even better than before. How do you underestimate this series? Pay! Attention!
“Super Smash Bros Wii U – Pilotwings Stage Teased”
“They are milking all these announcements for all their worth.” Were you completely unaware of the Smash Bros. Dojo back when Brawl was in the works? They had new announcements every day. In fact they were more detailed than the single pictures we’ve been getting here.
“Lets hope for a secret new Bi-plane playable character! Smash those brawlers bi-plane!” …. I don’t even know anymore.
“Japanese Stealth Batman – Square Enix Play Arts Kai DC Comics Variant”
“Look for this item in December 2013 with a price tag of $89 dollars?! Whew, looks like little Joey won’t be getting a Batman figure again this year from ol’ Scrooge Mc-Irate Gamer.” Or you could get him a much cheaper Batman figure. Wait, what am I saying? Joey isn’t fucking real! What is this crap?
Also, the correct term would be “Ebenezer Irate Gamer” or “Irate Scrooge“. Scrooge McDuck wasn’t as terrible a person as Charles Dickens’ Scrooge. If you’re going to do those jokes where you insert your name into things, at least do them correctly. I’m going to go vomit again.
Other stories:
“Portal 2 – Sunburst Turret Replica Toy Statue”
“Breaking Bad – Custom Lego Meth Lab Playset”
Stories from August 16th 2013
“Skylanders Swap Force: Dark Edition Starter Pack”
When does Swap Force come out? *checks* October 13th?! DAMN IT!
“Maybe I’ll pick one up for the dark Wash Buckler and Blast Zone but the others, I’ll just give to little cousin Joey. There, now stop bugging me to play with my Skylanders. They are mine, and I don’t share! Rawr!” Joey! Isn’t! Real! He is a character you made up for your show. Quit pretending he’s actually your cousin. What is going on? This is the second story in two days where he pretends Joey is real.
Also, funny how he says here that he doesn’t share, but at E3 he claimed he plays the game with his family. That doesn’t match up at all!
“Realistic Pokemon Pokeball Replicas For Sale”
More Pokemon news? Maybe someone is ghost-writing the site?
“Want to be a Pokemon Master? Too bad because I’m going to be the master! there can be only one!” So, he didn’t realize Pokemon was still popular, but he knows about the term “Pokemon Master”. I’m so confused.
Two things. One, you can’t call yourself a Pokemon anything until you’ve played the games, and I know you haven’t. Two, Pokemon Masters aren’t actually real. It’s a made-up, intentionally vague term created to prolong the anime and keep Ash as the protagonist. They really should have followed Pokemon Special’s example and have a new protagonist every game arc, with previous characters returning for the remakes.
UPDATE: Hahaha wow, the moment I say I want an animated adaptation closer to the games and manga, the “Pokemon Game Show” event drops a megaton. Coming this October is “Pokemon: The Origin”, an all new animated series following video game protagonist Red and his rival Green (or Blue for Western audiences). If it’s anything like Pokemon Special, it’s going to kick so much ass.
Other stories:
“5,000 Year Old Board Game Token Pieces Unearthed In Turkey”
“Injustice: Gods Among Us – General Zod Man of Steel Movie Skin”
That’s all for this week. Once again, no videos this week either. How much longer is he going to keep up this weak-ass Kotaku?
Here’s something funny though. His post last week about his next episode? 8 comments. Everything this week? 0-1 comments. It’s almost like even his fans don’t care for this crap and only for his videos. Hmmmmmmm.
Saturday, August 10, 2013
IG Attempts the News: Sponsored by DC Comics
Last week on “Chris Bores spreads CTRL-C all over IGN”
Toys, comic books, videos about video games he found. Quit pretending this is a news site and treat it for what it really is, a personal blog.
What will this week bring?
Stories from August 5th 2013
“Skylanders Swap Force Figures Pop up on Ebay! (Zoo Lou, Slobber Tooth)”
Of course the first story of the week is fucking Skylanders related! What else?!
“I decide to take one relaxing weekend off with the family, and look what happens, Skylanders News blowing up from all over the internet.” Screw my family, THERE‘S TOY NEWS!
Also, blowing up all over the internet? Is that why nobody is talking about it? Oh wait, I forgot that you live in a bubble where “the entire internet” is the Skylanders forums you visit.
“Well its back to work at the Daily Planet here” Pointless Superman reference is pointless, and not funny.
He speculates the eBay seller works at a Skylanders processing center, and calls him a “Lucky Hot Dog”. You mean “lucky dog” right? Because nobody else calls people “lucky hot dogs” since hot dogs aren’t very lucky, they’re… hang on I just got a message. Hot Dog is the name of a Skylander introduced in the second game. … Seriously Bores?
“Grumpy Cat – Now a Coffee Drink: Grumppuccino…Kill me Now”
*grabs machete and broadsword* What? He asked.
“Just when you thought the Grumpy cat hoopla has died down, BAM! They sock you with a Grumpy Cat Coffee Beverage. Because those old cat ladies can’t get enough” What? Old cat ladies? I’m fairly certain the fans of Grumpy Cat are little kids on Reddit, not old women. Have you completely ignored the presence of cat memes for the last seven years or so? I know you’re not in-tune with gaming but come on, this is basic internet!
“Of course since Grumpy’s cats real name is Tarder Sauce, I think a Grumpy Cat themed Tarder Sauce set might have been more suited to the fanbase’s needs” The sauce is spelled “Tartar”, the cat’s name is spelled “Tardar Sauce”, with two A’s in the first name not one. At least try to look this up before reporting it.
“but not so fast common sense! Take a back seat to stupidity!” Yeah, you’re one to talk about lack of common sense. “I’m going to release a History DVD with barely any content on it! I’ll be rich!”
“Skylanders Swap Force: New Poster Reveals Artwork for All 12 Swappable Figures”
Yeah yeah yeah, more Skylanders…
But this one has a point I should mention. For a while now, Bores has posted images with watermarks on them, not every image, just ones he claims were exclusive. I brushed it off as arrogance since I know those images existed elsewhere.
But my informant saw this, and did some searching. They managed to find the poster shown here over at the DarkSpyro forum, which the user found on Amazon UK, without any watermarks. So why the hell is Bores putting watermarks on these pictures like they’re his? Seems desperate.
“Doctor Who -- The 12th Doctor is Peter Capaldi”
In tribute to Capaldi being the newest Doctor, I will mock this article in the style of his character Malcolm Tucker from The Thick of It. This might get a little harsh.
“And let me be the first to say…uh, we couldn’t find anyone better?” Listen fuckface, do you fucking think in the age of the internet that you’re the fucking first cock to say something about this? Do you see all those whiny cunts on Tumblr fucking crying their eyes out because they fucking can’t write slash-fiction where the Doctor fucks Sasuke from Naruto and has a fucking orgy with One Direction? Get off your fucking high horse cock.
And what the fuck is wrong with Peter Capaldi exactly?
“This Docotr has some big shoes to fill and will have to grow on me for sure.” If you’re fucking going to talk about a show from fucking England, the least you could fucking do is learn how to proofread your own fucking words. Did your cunt mother drop you on your squishy fucking head as a child?
“I’m so used to the Doctor being played by young actors, so it’s going to be interesting to see how ‘Grandpa Who’ handles this role.” Unfuck yourself with horse dildo! The fucking Doctor has been played by older actors since his fucking creation 50 fucking years ago. If they fucking continued making the actors any fucking younger, 12 would have been a fucking chav teenager. I’m fucking glad they got an older man for the role, fucking open your mind you hack.
Now fuck right off and go do whatever the fuck it is you do!
*Tucker mode off* Whew, next story.
“Legend of Zelda: ‘Link’s Shadow’ Video Short”
Another “cool video I found” post. Watching it, I get the feeling this is the type of violence Bores wants in the games. Obviously it won’t happen.
Also, this video is two months old. There was a link to a video here but… see Thursday.
“Metroid: 16bit SNES Mother Brain Finale -- The High Definition Overhaul”
You know, these stories are less actual news and more “Remember these awesome games? Here’s something related to them that fans made. Cool huh?” I know sites like Kotaku and Destructoid do that, but they also report the news!
“Especially over the hole in the wall I made throwing my NES controller during one of my many temper tantrums.” Tell me, how much do spend on carpenters coming in to fix these walls? Oh wait you were attempting one of those things…what were they called… jokes? Yeah, still not funny.
Other stories:
"X-Men: Days of Future Past -- Full Size Sentinel on Set”
Stories from August 6th 2013
“Wolverine Movie Advertisement Bus Fail”
Okay, I can understand posting the Peggle 2 jump for joy, since it happened live and it’s game related. But you’re just posting a picture you found somewhere on the internet, and it’s not even game related. You’re not Failblog Bores, there was no reason to post this.
“Is this a clip from the silly Snickers ‘Need a Break?’ Campaign?" … Why that reference? For those that don’t watch TV or have never seen this commercial, it’s an ad campaign where a group of people are doing some activity (party, poker, football, whatever) and suddenly a celebrity shows up (Betty White, Joe Pesci, Robin Williams) and another guy tells the celeb that they’re being weird because they’re hungry and to eat a Snickers. The celeb does and they turn back to normal (looking like a completely different person).
My question is, what does that campaign have to do with this sign? You could have at least gone with “Go home sign, you’re drunk”. It seems your knowledge of internet memes is non-existent.
“Legend of Zelda CG Movie Pitch Demo Reel”
For whatever reason, Bores mirrored this video to his YouTube channel. I decided to watch it… on Guru Larry’s channel. Because I’m not giving you views for something I can easily watch elsewhere. Also, Larry uploaded it four days prior to Bores, making this old news.
“And Gannon looks better than a pig thing from the first NES game” Once again, it’s spelled “Ganon”, with two N’s, not three. Also, watching this pitch, Ganon looks like he does in Ocarina of Time, or Wind Waker, or Twilight Princess or Smash Bros Melee and Brawl. Have you actually played a Zelda game since the first? You’re constantly going on about being a huge Zelda fan but you have no god damn idea what you’re talking about. Ganon (or Ganondorf) has had a human form for years., he turns into a giant pig as a last resort. I don’t even anymore.. I just… fuck. You‘re an idiot.
UPDATE: And an asshole too.
One of my readers, ZeldaFan, actually commented on this article, giving constructive criticism and correcting him. Here’s what he wrote:
"I strongly disagree, Ganondorf’s pig form (Or Ganon) was awesome. Secondly, just so you know, Ganon’s appeared in other Zelda games. And also quit misspelling his name. It’s ‘Ganon’ not ‘Gannon’."
Here’s what Bores responded with:
"And just so you know, it was spelled Gannon in the first game."
Jeez, has Bores played any Zelda game besides the first? Quit acting like you’re this “overly-nostalgic Zelda fan” when you’re nothing more than a fraud.
But that’s not all! Bores went crying to Facebook about ZeldaFan’s comment. Here’s a screencap:
He offers you criticism and you completely deflect it and call him a hater. See, this is why nobody likes you, and why you’re never going to get anywhere with this “job”.
“Atari 2600 Console Mod -- Pixar’s WALL-E (Look out ROB!)”
Yes, you should look out ROB. WALL-E here can play every 2600 game while you only play two NES games. Seriously, adding that bit was pointless Bores.
“Mysterious Pentagram on Shows up in Google Maps”
Mysterious Pentagram on what? You’ve been doing this for a month, the least you could do is double check what you fucking write.
So where is this Pentagram?
“Not anywhere cool unfortunately.” What would be your definition of cool then? Mars?
“Its smack dab in the middle of the central Asia, in an isolated corner of Kazakhstan.” So how is this not “cool” in your odd mind?
After a Borat reference, he wonders if Satan is involved. You do realize Satan is a fictional character right?
He cites a quote from archeologist Emma Usmanova, who says it’s nothing more than a park shaped like a star. That’s fair. But Bores does not accept this.
“Not sure I like your attitude Emma. Obviously this is the work of Satan’s minions ready to lay claim to the area.” What attitude? She’s telling you the facts. Quit acting like there’s a conspiracy going on here. See, this is what happens when you listen to Alex Jones non-stop.
Also, the pentagram doesn’t just mean Satanism. It’s used in Neopagenism, the Baha’i Faith, it was even used by Christians in ancient times. Don’t you constantly claim you’re a history buff? I’ve read those book reviews about Jesus Christ you did, don’t deny those.
“Skylanders Swap Force -- Official Tower of Time Adventure Pack & Level Pictures”
I’m actually looking forward to Swap Force coming out. Because that means we can have less of these god damn Skylanders stories!
He’s looking over a new pack, and it comes with… Thor’s Hammer, Scrooge McDuck’s Jewel, and Peter Pan’s Clock Tower? What?! *looks at images* What?! Why the references? Just because they look like something doesn’t mean… ugh.
Other stories:
“Superman: Man of Steel -- Composite of Actor’s Faces”
“A 5th Indiana Jones Film? Harrison Ford Talks About the Potential”
“Alec Baldwin Turned Down Villain Role In MARVEL Superhero Movie”
Stories from August 7th 2013
“Top 12 Realistic Drawings of Television Animated Characters”
So, not only is this yet another “cool pictures I found” post, it’s one about pictures soooooo fucking old. I’ve seen these pictures circulating the internet for years! Do you live under a rock Bores?
Couple of other things, the headline says “Television”, but I see Alfred E. Neuman from Mad Magazine (and he spells his name wrong too), Jessica Rabbit from Who Framed Roger Rabbit, and Mario. Also, why do the tags say Buzz Lightyear and Teletubbies when they’re nowhere on the list? What is going on?!
“DC Injustice: Gods Among Us – Zatanna DLC Announced (6th or 7th?)”
She’s the sixth character announced. Lobo, Batgirl, Scorpion, Zod, Martian Manhunter and now Zatanna. I know you’re bad at math but this is pretty basic.
“And I can’t even keep track any more. With a John Stewart Green Lantern Skin this makes this the 7th downloadable character. But John Stewart wasn’t available by myself so I guess this makes Zatanna the 6th officially?” Oh… you’re just an idiot. John Stewart isn’t a separate character, he’s just an additional skin for Green Lantern. Like the Yellow Lantern skin, or Red Son Superman, or Damien Wayne as Nightwing.
Wait, “by myself”? You mean “by himself” right? How do you make a mistake like that?
“Hit the jump to check out the video of Batman’s former girlfriend: Zatanna” Wait, when did this happen? *does research* It was retconned recently so that Batman and Zatanna were childhood friends, but they were never actually in a relationship. Where are you getting this info Chris? Why did you think Zatanna was Batman’s girlfriend?
By the way, I love how the image Bores used shows the YouTube timeline on the bottom. He didn’t even care enough to crop that out. Why are you even doing this site?
“New DC Comics Cartoon – Metal Men – This Saturday on DC Nation”
Wait what?
“I myself have enjoyed all their comic reincarnations,” What I have said about lying?
“but now the cartoon world will be graced by a whole cartoon featuring Dr Magnus the Metal men” I feel there’s missing punctuation, or missing words. Dr Magnus himself is human, he’s not one of the Metal Men.
“Looks like it stays pretty true to the Metal Men persona’s that I remember, but of course geared for kids. And that means no sexually crazed Platinum, kiddos” Sexually crazed? What? What? *looks up Metal Men* So Platinum believed she was human and fell in love with Dr. Magnus, but since this was a comic from the 1960’s I doubt it got into anything serious.
By the way Chris, this isn’t a full cartoon. It’s merely one of the DC Nation Shorts that airs after a show ends. A full 22 minute Metal Men cartoon would be a BAD IDEA!
“The Simpsons – Legos Coming In 2014!”
Oh wow, this article is a mess.
In the tags, he misspells Simpsons not once, but twice! How?!
And for the fifth time, he marks the year as “2104”. What are you using to type? Get a fucking editor man.
“With all the characters in the Simpsons universe, I expect to be officially broke by 2015” Or you could not buy them? You only got into Lego recently because of Lego Batman 2, and you didn’t bother to buy all those sets. Also, I have serious doubts Lego will release every character, because that’s just stupid.
“Of course this also opens up the possibility of a Lego Simpsons video game. Oy my wallet!” Like I said…
Stories from August 8th 2013
“Super Mario Bros. – Paper Mache Blooper (Bloober)”
Bloober? *looks up Mario Wiki* Oh, that’s what their name was until Paper Mario. Why include both names though? Most people know them as Bloopers.
“Great job, the only thing I can make out of newspaper is a hat that falls apart 5 seconds arter I put it on my head.” *crickets* I think there was something attempted here, but I’m not entirely sure.
“Legend of Zelda Coolness: Master Blacksmith Forges Link’s Master Sword”
Earlier on Monday, when Bores posted the article about that two month old Dark Link video, I originally linked this exact video as an example of timely news. Now he’s done it himself… three days after it was posted. *sighs*
“Only problem is I now want one for my very own to place next to my other swords!” I’m sure the real-life sword that can actually cut people would look great along all your plastic toys. Unless you do have a sword collection, I don’t know, you don’t show or tell us anything about yourself!
“At the end of the video, people take turns slicing up a bunch of things. Too bad they didn’t grab those chicken from the game. harassing those things is the best.” Because I’m sure stabbing a real life still alive chicken is sure to win people over and not get AweMe Channel in heaps of trouble. Hang on, he just referenced the Cuccos. Meaning he has played a Zelda game beyond the first. Then why is his knowledge so fucking inconsistent? Oh right, it’s Bores.
By the way Chris, do you know what happens when you stab the Cuccos multiple times? They swarm you. You can “harass” them but there are consequences.
“Space: Pink Pepto-Bismol Planet Found & Photographed”
Why are you talking about this?
Yeah, it’s safe to confirm that this isn’t a video game news site, it’s just Chris’ personal blog. I’m sure GotGame is sooooo happy they’re funding something that you can get for free by signing up to Tumblr or Blogspot.
“Of course I’m sticking to my own theory of the planet being made out of Pepto-bismol. If you ever get severe stomach problems, just fly on over to the planet and cure yourself. Of course you’d be dead by the time you reached it, but hey it’s the effort that counts.” You see all this Chris? It’s not funny, it’s just moronic. Just because it’s pink, doesn’t mean it’s made out of something. You probably still think the moon is made of cheese.
“The Irate Gamer Video Game -- Coming Soon”
See here: http://irategamersucks.blogspot.com/2013/08/the-long-awaited-reveal-of-irate-gamer.html
Other stories:
“Contra: 8 bit NES Energy Zone Boss – High Definition Overhaul”
Stories from August 9th 2013
“Skylanders Swap Force: Smoulderdash Revealed – Also LightCore Version”
For reasons even Bores can’t understand, this specific Skylander gets a lot of searches on his site. By a lot, he probably means like five, where as the others get two. Do people really use him as a Skylanders source?
He also mentions that Smoulderdash (seriously?) will have a Lightcore version with an “Irate face” *looks at image* How the hell can you see that? This image is so small and blurry, and the figure is all black making it even harder to tell. How much do you want to bet that Bores calls the Angry Face emoticon the “Irate Face”?
“Super Smash Bros. Wii U -- Like we already didn’t know: Luigi Confirmed”
Chris, just because it was obvious, doesn’t give you the excuse to be TWO DAYS LATE with this news.
“Not sure why all the hubbub since he is Mario’s brother” Because it’s the Year of Luigi. Duh.
“Now if they included the Bubble Bobble Characters, that would be something to write home about!!” No. That would be stupid. Ugh… your jokes hurt me.
“Rayman Legends: Mario and Luigi costume skins exclusive to WiiU”
Again, this was announced two days ago, in the same Nintendo Direct that announced the above story. How the hell are you so slow with this?
“Superman vs Batman Movie Villain Tease: Could be Lex Luthor?”
“If your highly anticipating this one,” My highly anticipating? It’s “you’re” not “your” you illiterate fool.
He brings up a rumor that actor Mark Strong will play Lex Luthor in the next movie. Really? Most rumors I’ve heard involve Bryan Cranston. Strange.
“Super Mario Bros NES 8-bit Level Aquarium”
Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz Huh? Sorry I just so don’t care that,,,, Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
“Pet fish never had it so good! And its so much better than floating dead in a walmart fish tank with all the other dead fish.” That’s… horribly morbid. Can it even be considered dark comedy? Urgh.
“The Irate Gamer Show: The Saga Continues Soon..”
Oh look, news about that thing he does once in a blue moon but is supposed to be doing more often. You know, videos!
He says the next one is coming soon and is working on FX heavy scenes will probably still look like shit. He included an image from the episode which is IG sitting in his room and Wilson is there too.
Oh, sorry. I forgot he’s suddenly a new character now.
“Good ol Wilkens” That’s not even how fucking spell Wilkins. You can’t even get your own recolor’s name right. Just…. Wow.
Other stories:
Skylanders Swap Force: Lightcore Warnado and Flashwing Confirmed
And that’s all for this week. You know, when people say they want Bores to update more, this isn’t what they had in mind.
I’m just going to go take a loooong walk. Clear my head of this insipidness.
Toys, comic books, videos about video games he found. Quit pretending this is a news site and treat it for what it really is, a personal blog.
What will this week bring?
Stories from August 5th 2013
“Skylanders Swap Force Figures Pop up on Ebay! (Zoo Lou, Slobber Tooth)”
Of course the first story of the week is fucking Skylanders related! What else?!
“I decide to take one relaxing weekend off with the family, and look what happens, Skylanders News blowing up from all over the internet.” Screw my family, THERE‘S TOY NEWS!
Also, blowing up all over the internet? Is that why nobody is talking about it? Oh wait, I forgot that you live in a bubble where “the entire internet” is the Skylanders forums you visit.
“Well its back to work at the Daily Planet here” Pointless Superman reference is pointless, and not funny.
He speculates the eBay seller works at a Skylanders processing center, and calls him a “Lucky Hot Dog”. You mean “lucky dog” right? Because nobody else calls people “lucky hot dogs” since hot dogs aren’t very lucky, they’re… hang on I just got a message. Hot Dog is the name of a Skylander introduced in the second game. … Seriously Bores?
“Grumpy Cat – Now a Coffee Drink: Grumppuccino…Kill me Now”
*grabs machete and broadsword* What? He asked.
“Just when you thought the Grumpy cat hoopla has died down, BAM! They sock you with a Grumpy Cat Coffee Beverage. Because those old cat ladies can’t get enough” What? Old cat ladies? I’m fairly certain the fans of Grumpy Cat are little kids on Reddit, not old women. Have you completely ignored the presence of cat memes for the last seven years or so? I know you’re not in-tune with gaming but come on, this is basic internet!
“Of course since Grumpy’s cats real name is Tarder Sauce, I think a Grumpy Cat themed Tarder Sauce set might have been more suited to the fanbase’s needs” The sauce is spelled “Tartar”, the cat’s name is spelled “Tardar Sauce”, with two A’s in the first name not one. At least try to look this up before reporting it.
“but not so fast common sense! Take a back seat to stupidity!” Yeah, you’re one to talk about lack of common sense. “I’m going to release a History DVD with barely any content on it! I’ll be rich!”
“Skylanders Swap Force: New Poster Reveals Artwork for All 12 Swappable Figures”
Yeah yeah yeah, more Skylanders…
But this one has a point I should mention. For a while now, Bores has posted images with watermarks on them, not every image, just ones he claims were exclusive. I brushed it off as arrogance since I know those images existed elsewhere.
But my informant saw this, and did some searching. They managed to find the poster shown here over at the DarkSpyro forum, which the user found on Amazon UK, without any watermarks. So why the hell is Bores putting watermarks on these pictures like they’re his? Seems desperate.
“Doctor Who -- The 12th Doctor is Peter Capaldi”
In tribute to Capaldi being the newest Doctor, I will mock this article in the style of his character Malcolm Tucker from The Thick of It. This might get a little harsh.
“And let me be the first to say…uh, we couldn’t find anyone better?” Listen fuckface, do you fucking think in the age of the internet that you’re the fucking first cock to say something about this? Do you see all those whiny cunts on Tumblr fucking crying their eyes out because they fucking can’t write slash-fiction where the Doctor fucks Sasuke from Naruto and has a fucking orgy with One Direction? Get off your fucking high horse cock.
And what the fuck is wrong with Peter Capaldi exactly?
“This Docotr has some big shoes to fill and will have to grow on me for sure.” If you’re fucking going to talk about a show from fucking England, the least you could fucking do is learn how to proofread your own fucking words. Did your cunt mother drop you on your squishy fucking head as a child?
“I’m so used to the Doctor being played by young actors, so it’s going to be interesting to see how ‘Grandpa Who’ handles this role.” Unfuck yourself with horse dildo! The fucking Doctor has been played by older actors since his fucking creation 50 fucking years ago. If they fucking continued making the actors any fucking younger, 12 would have been a fucking chav teenager. I’m fucking glad they got an older man for the role, fucking open your mind you hack.
Now fuck right off and go do whatever the fuck it is you do!
*Tucker mode off* Whew, next story.
“Legend of Zelda: ‘Link’s Shadow’ Video Short”
Another “cool video I found” post. Watching it, I get the feeling this is the type of violence Bores wants in the games. Obviously it won’t happen.
Also, this video is two months old. There was a link to a video here but… see Thursday.
“Metroid: 16bit SNES Mother Brain Finale -- The High Definition Overhaul”
You know, these stories are less actual news and more “Remember these awesome games? Here’s something related to them that fans made. Cool huh?” I know sites like Kotaku and Destructoid do that, but they also report the news!
“Especially over the hole in the wall I made throwing my NES controller during one of my many temper tantrums.” Tell me, how much do spend on carpenters coming in to fix these walls? Oh wait you were attempting one of those things…what were they called… jokes? Yeah, still not funny.
Other stories:
"X-Men: Days of Future Past -- Full Size Sentinel on Set”
Stories from August 6th 2013
“Wolverine Movie Advertisement Bus Fail”
Okay, I can understand posting the Peggle 2 jump for joy, since it happened live and it’s game related. But you’re just posting a picture you found somewhere on the internet, and it’s not even game related. You’re not Failblog Bores, there was no reason to post this.
“Is this a clip from the silly Snickers ‘Need a Break?’ Campaign?" … Why that reference? For those that don’t watch TV or have never seen this commercial, it’s an ad campaign where a group of people are doing some activity (party, poker, football, whatever) and suddenly a celebrity shows up (Betty White, Joe Pesci, Robin Williams) and another guy tells the celeb that they’re being weird because they’re hungry and to eat a Snickers. The celeb does and they turn back to normal (looking like a completely different person).
My question is, what does that campaign have to do with this sign? You could have at least gone with “Go home sign, you’re drunk”. It seems your knowledge of internet memes is non-existent.
“Legend of Zelda CG Movie Pitch Demo Reel”
For whatever reason, Bores mirrored this video to his YouTube channel. I decided to watch it… on Guru Larry’s channel. Because I’m not giving you views for something I can easily watch elsewhere. Also, Larry uploaded it four days prior to Bores, making this old news.
“And Gannon looks better than a pig thing from the first NES game” Once again, it’s spelled “Ganon”, with two N’s, not three. Also, watching this pitch, Ganon looks like he does in Ocarina of Time, or Wind Waker, or Twilight Princess or Smash Bros Melee and Brawl. Have you actually played a Zelda game since the first? You’re constantly going on about being a huge Zelda fan but you have no god damn idea what you’re talking about. Ganon (or Ganondorf) has had a human form for years., he turns into a giant pig as a last resort. I don’t even anymore.. I just… fuck. You‘re an idiot.
UPDATE: And an asshole too.
One of my readers, ZeldaFan, actually commented on this article, giving constructive criticism and correcting him. Here’s what he wrote:
"I strongly disagree, Ganondorf’s pig form (Or Ganon) was awesome. Secondly, just so you know, Ganon’s appeared in other Zelda games. And also quit misspelling his name. It’s ‘Ganon’ not ‘Gannon’."
Here’s what Bores responded with:
"And just so you know, it was spelled Gannon in the first game."
Jeez, has Bores played any Zelda game besides the first? Quit acting like you’re this “overly-nostalgic Zelda fan” when you’re nothing more than a fraud.
But that’s not all! Bores went crying to Facebook about ZeldaFan’s comment. Here’s a screencap:
He offers you criticism and you completely deflect it and call him a hater. See, this is why nobody likes you, and why you’re never going to get anywhere with this “job”.
“Atari 2600 Console Mod -- Pixar’s WALL-E (Look out ROB!)”
Yes, you should look out ROB. WALL-E here can play every 2600 game while you only play two NES games. Seriously, adding that bit was pointless Bores.
“Mysterious Pentagram on Shows up in Google Maps”
Mysterious Pentagram on what? You’ve been doing this for a month, the least you could do is double check what you fucking write.
So where is this Pentagram?
“Not anywhere cool unfortunately.” What would be your definition of cool then? Mars?
“Its smack dab in the middle of the central Asia, in an isolated corner of Kazakhstan.” So how is this not “cool” in your odd mind?
After a Borat reference, he wonders if Satan is involved. You do realize Satan is a fictional character right?
He cites a quote from archeologist Emma Usmanova, who says it’s nothing more than a park shaped like a star. That’s fair. But Bores does not accept this.
“Not sure I like your attitude Emma. Obviously this is the work of Satan’s minions ready to lay claim to the area.” What attitude? She’s telling you the facts. Quit acting like there’s a conspiracy going on here. See, this is what happens when you listen to Alex Jones non-stop.
Also, the pentagram doesn’t just mean Satanism. It’s used in Neopagenism, the Baha’i Faith, it was even used by Christians in ancient times. Don’t you constantly claim you’re a history buff? I’ve read those book reviews about Jesus Christ you did, don’t deny those.
“Skylanders Swap Force -- Official Tower of Time Adventure Pack & Level Pictures”
I’m actually looking forward to Swap Force coming out. Because that means we can have less of these god damn Skylanders stories!
He’s looking over a new pack, and it comes with… Thor’s Hammer, Scrooge McDuck’s Jewel, and Peter Pan’s Clock Tower? What?! *looks at images* What?! Why the references? Just because they look like something doesn’t mean… ugh.
Other stories:
“Superman: Man of Steel -- Composite of Actor’s Faces”
“A 5th Indiana Jones Film? Harrison Ford Talks About the Potential”
“Alec Baldwin Turned Down Villain Role In MARVEL Superhero Movie”
Stories from August 7th 2013
“Top 12 Realistic Drawings of Television Animated Characters”
So, not only is this yet another “cool pictures I found” post, it’s one about pictures soooooo fucking old. I’ve seen these pictures circulating the internet for years! Do you live under a rock Bores?
Couple of other things, the headline says “Television”, but I see Alfred E. Neuman from Mad Magazine (and he spells his name wrong too), Jessica Rabbit from Who Framed Roger Rabbit, and Mario. Also, why do the tags say Buzz Lightyear and Teletubbies when they’re nowhere on the list? What is going on?!
“DC Injustice: Gods Among Us – Zatanna DLC Announced (6th or 7th?)”
She’s the sixth character announced. Lobo, Batgirl, Scorpion, Zod, Martian Manhunter and now Zatanna. I know you’re bad at math but this is pretty basic.
“And I can’t even keep track any more. With a John Stewart Green Lantern Skin this makes this the 7th downloadable character. But John Stewart wasn’t available by myself so I guess this makes Zatanna the 6th officially?” Oh… you’re just an idiot. John Stewart isn’t a separate character, he’s just an additional skin for Green Lantern. Like the Yellow Lantern skin, or Red Son Superman, or Damien Wayne as Nightwing.
Wait, “by myself”? You mean “by himself” right? How do you make a mistake like that?
“Hit the jump to check out the video of Batman’s former girlfriend: Zatanna” Wait, when did this happen? *does research* It was retconned recently so that Batman and Zatanna were childhood friends, but they were never actually in a relationship. Where are you getting this info Chris? Why did you think Zatanna was Batman’s girlfriend?
By the way, I love how the image Bores used shows the YouTube timeline on the bottom. He didn’t even care enough to crop that out. Why are you even doing this site?
“New DC Comics Cartoon – Metal Men – This Saturday on DC Nation”
Wait what?
“I myself have enjoyed all their comic reincarnations,” What I have said about lying?
“but now the cartoon world will be graced by a whole cartoon featuring Dr Magnus the Metal men” I feel there’s missing punctuation, or missing words. Dr Magnus himself is human, he’s not one of the Metal Men.
“Looks like it stays pretty true to the Metal Men persona’s that I remember, but of course geared for kids. And that means no sexually crazed Platinum, kiddos” Sexually crazed? What? What? *looks up Metal Men* So Platinum believed she was human and fell in love with Dr. Magnus, but since this was a comic from the 1960’s I doubt it got into anything serious.
By the way Chris, this isn’t a full cartoon. It’s merely one of the DC Nation Shorts that airs after a show ends. A full 22 minute Metal Men cartoon would be a BAD IDEA!
“The Simpsons – Legos Coming In 2014!”
Oh wow, this article is a mess.
In the tags, he misspells Simpsons not once, but twice! How?!
And for the fifth time, he marks the year as “2104”. What are you using to type? Get a fucking editor man.
“With all the characters in the Simpsons universe, I expect to be officially broke by 2015” Or you could not buy them? You only got into Lego recently because of Lego Batman 2, and you didn’t bother to buy all those sets. Also, I have serious doubts Lego will release every character, because that’s just stupid.
“Of course this also opens up the possibility of a Lego Simpsons video game. Oy my wallet!” Like I said…
Stories from August 8th 2013
“Super Mario Bros. – Paper Mache Blooper (Bloober)”
Bloober? *looks up Mario Wiki* Oh, that’s what their name was until Paper Mario. Why include both names though? Most people know them as Bloopers.
“Great job, the only thing I can make out of newspaper is a hat that falls apart 5 seconds arter I put it on my head.” *crickets* I think there was something attempted here, but I’m not entirely sure.
“Legend of Zelda Coolness: Master Blacksmith Forges Link’s Master Sword”
Earlier on Monday, when Bores posted the article about that two month old Dark Link video, I originally linked this exact video as an example of timely news. Now he’s done it himself… three days after it was posted. *sighs*
“Only problem is I now want one for my very own to place next to my other swords!” I’m sure the real-life sword that can actually cut people would look great along all your plastic toys. Unless you do have a sword collection, I don’t know, you don’t show or tell us anything about yourself!
“At the end of the video, people take turns slicing up a bunch of things. Too bad they didn’t grab those chicken from the game. harassing those things is the best.” Because I’m sure stabbing a real life still alive chicken is sure to win people over and not get AweMe Channel in heaps of trouble. Hang on, he just referenced the Cuccos. Meaning he has played a Zelda game beyond the first. Then why is his knowledge so fucking inconsistent? Oh right, it’s Bores.
By the way Chris, do you know what happens when you stab the Cuccos multiple times? They swarm you. You can “harass” them but there are consequences.
“Space: Pink Pepto-Bismol Planet Found & Photographed”
Why are you talking about this?
Yeah, it’s safe to confirm that this isn’t a video game news site, it’s just Chris’ personal blog. I’m sure GotGame is sooooo happy they’re funding something that you can get for free by signing up to Tumblr or Blogspot.
“Of course I’m sticking to my own theory of the planet being made out of Pepto-bismol. If you ever get severe stomach problems, just fly on over to the planet and cure yourself. Of course you’d be dead by the time you reached it, but hey it’s the effort that counts.” You see all this Chris? It’s not funny, it’s just moronic. Just because it’s pink, doesn’t mean it’s made out of something. You probably still think the moon is made of cheese.
“The Irate Gamer Video Game -- Coming Soon”
See here: http://irategamersucks.blogspot.com/2013/08/the-long-awaited-reveal-of-irate-gamer.html
Other stories:
“Contra: 8 bit NES Energy Zone Boss – High Definition Overhaul”
Stories from August 9th 2013
“Skylanders Swap Force: Smoulderdash Revealed – Also LightCore Version”
For reasons even Bores can’t understand, this specific Skylander gets a lot of searches on his site. By a lot, he probably means like five, where as the others get two. Do people really use him as a Skylanders source?
He also mentions that Smoulderdash (seriously?) will have a Lightcore version with an “Irate face” *looks at image* How the hell can you see that? This image is so small and blurry, and the figure is all black making it even harder to tell. How much do you want to bet that Bores calls the Angry Face emoticon the “Irate Face”?
“Super Smash Bros. Wii U -- Like we already didn’t know: Luigi Confirmed”
Chris, just because it was obvious, doesn’t give you the excuse to be TWO DAYS LATE with this news.
“Not sure why all the hubbub since he is Mario’s brother” Because it’s the Year of Luigi. Duh.
“Now if they included the Bubble Bobble Characters, that would be something to write home about!!” No. That would be stupid. Ugh… your jokes hurt me.
“Rayman Legends: Mario and Luigi costume skins exclusive to WiiU”
Again, this was announced two days ago, in the same Nintendo Direct that announced the above story. How the hell are you so slow with this?
“Superman vs Batman Movie Villain Tease: Could be Lex Luthor?”
“If your highly anticipating this one,” My highly anticipating? It’s “you’re” not “your” you illiterate fool.
He brings up a rumor that actor Mark Strong will play Lex Luthor in the next movie. Really? Most rumors I’ve heard involve Bryan Cranston. Strange.
“Super Mario Bros NES 8-bit Level Aquarium”
Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz Huh? Sorry I just so don’t care that,,,, Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
“Pet fish never had it so good! And its so much better than floating dead in a walmart fish tank with all the other dead fish.” That’s… horribly morbid. Can it even be considered dark comedy? Urgh.
“The Irate Gamer Show: The Saga Continues Soon..”
Oh look, news about that thing he does once in a blue moon but is supposed to be doing more often. You know, videos!
He says the next one is coming soon and is working on FX heavy scenes will probably still look like shit. He included an image from the episode which is IG sitting in his room and Wilson is there too.
Oh, sorry. I forgot he’s suddenly a new character now.
“Good ol Wilkens” That’s not even how fucking spell Wilkins. You can’t even get your own recolor’s name right. Just…. Wow.
Other stories:
Skylanders Swap Force: Lightcore Warnado and Flashwing Confirmed
And that’s all for this week. You know, when people say they want Bores to update more, this isn’t what they had in mind.
I’m just going to go take a loooong walk. Clear my head of this insipidness.
Saturday, August 3, 2013
IG Attempts the News: Plenty of Toys
Last time on “Chris Bores wants to be Destructoid”
So we’re just going to barely talk about video games?
I don’t know what direction I’m going!
What will this week bring?
Stories from July 29th 2013
This day started with three Skylanders articles, which were actually links to videos he posted on his YouTube channel. Since I’m tired of his Skylanders obsession, I’m not going to bother looking at any of it.
“2013 Comic Con -- Magic the Gathering: Mechanics of THEROS Pre-Release”
First actual article is MTG related… wa-hoo…
Apparently, Bores couldn’t write about this until he saw a video of the SDCC panel because all the reports were “confusing”. I’m sure they made perfect sense to a Magic veteran. Which I know you’re not.
Also, one of upcoming expansions won’t be available for 91 years. He reports the “Journey into Nyx” expansion will come out in May 2104. And I believe that’s the fourth time you’ve made this mistake. Jeez…
One of my informants noticed that Bores wants to “improve MTG” with his own ideas. You can’t even do a story right, what makes you think you can improve a card game with 20 years of rules and ideas?
“Masters of the Universe He-Man Movie -- Jon M. Chu speaks”
Who’s Jon M. Chu? *looks him up, sees Step Up 2 and 3D, Justin Bieber movie, and G.I. Joe Retaliation* Oooooh… yeah this is going to suck.
“Hasbro’s track record hasn’t been so great in the movie world…” Hasbro? Masters of the Universe is owned by Mattel. Couldn’t you double-check that? Especially since you made a video about the action figures that you so subtly linked in the article?
Also, do you not remember the last time they tried to make a live-action Masters of the Universe movie? Dolph Lundgren, Courtney Cox, most of it taking place in the real world instead of Eternia? Granted, I doubt it will be exactly like the 1987 movie, but given the director is mostly known for dancing movies, this is going to blow.
Also, aren’t you going to give any credit to the person that drew that He-Man picture you’re using? I doubt you did it yourself.
Stories from July 30th 2013
Only two actual articles yesterday? Hmm, seems he’s starting to slack like I predicted.
“Kingdom Hearts 3: Concludes long battle with the Heartless”
You stay away from Kingdom Hearts!
“Kingdom hearts 2 was released in 2005, and well, that was pretty much it.” There were spin-offs, despite what people claim a couple of them were not “pointless”. Birth by Sleep was a well-made prequel that introduced the best battle system in KH and revealed a ton of backstory and mythos. Dream Drop Distance was essentially Kingdom Hearts 2.5 and reveals even more, like Xehanort’s final plan.
“Geez, taking their sweet time eh? Who do they think they are? Blizzard Entertainment?” Blame Final Fantasy XV and Square-Enix’s terrible upper-management. The former took up a ton of Nomura and his team’s time. Also, it’s not rare for a company to delay a sequel for years on end. Final Fantasy XII had a notorious development cycle, as did XIII. Valve’s delays are legendary.
This article is about how KH3 will be the final story with the Heartless, but not the last KH game. This is really old news confirmed either last year or two years ago.
He brings up that the reporter asked about Pixar or Star Wars.
“If it were me, I would have sliced the reporter down with a lightsaber and said, does that answer your question? Ahh a guy can dream!” Then you’d be arrested for murder. Quit it.
“Seriously though, lets just stick to Disney animation properties please. Leave it to Disney’s Game, Infinity to use Pixar worlds.” You realize that it’s not just Disney animation in KH right? There’s been Pirates of the Caribbean and Tron worlds (both Tron and Tron: Legacy). Plus there have been plans to include Woody and Buzz Lightyear, but were scrapped so they obviously wanted to include Pixar in some way. Personally I would love for KH3 to have a world based on The Incredibles or Brave.
“Will Pikmin ever be on the 3DS? Not Bloody Likely!”
I’m the British Irate Gamer, I appear to talk about games that come out in Europe before the US.
Really not much to say about this article, I just wanted to make fun of his title.
“Marvel LEGO Super Heroes -- More Character Confirmations, X-Mansion and more”
“Warner Brothers loves to milk these releases.” Again, I don’t think you understand what “milking” means. Just releasing PR info isn’t milking.
“Jean Grey (who we’ve already spoiled days ago on this site thank you very much!)” Like anyone besides me and your detractors actually reads your site and cares.
“and Viper, who at first I was like, hey, they are adding Polaris into this game?? Sweet! Well I was wrong. And since she looks so much like Polaris, Don’t expect to see her around.” Or they can just give Polaris a different costume, not really that hard.
No mention on how these reveals all tie into The Wolverine? You know, that movie that just came out and happens to have Wolverine, Jean Grey, Silver Samurai and Viper in it?
“Transformers: Fall of Cybertron Figure -- MetroPlex”
This one is about a new Transformer figure that measures in at around 24 inches, making it the biggest Transformer ever.
“However, the towering robot mode will crush anything in its way and make you wet your pants! Hit the jump to see more pictures while I go change my underwear” Gross.
“Sonic the HedgeHog: First Person Shooter Video”
Isn’t this old? I swear this old. *checks* No it came out two days prior to this article. Maybe I’m thinking of something else.
By the way, “HedgeHog”? What is with your spelling?
Also, it’s not a “shooter”, it’s just first-person. Learn the difference between “first-person perspective” and “first-person shooter”.
He also mentions that Machinima is “YouTube’s video game division”. That explains why 95% of it is shit, and why they sponsor DarkSydePhil despite him being a racist dickhead.
Stories from July 31st 2013
“New Mortal Kombat game in development, and Movie news”
“The story was fantastic and seeing all your favorite MK characters upgraded with todays graphics was the icing on the bloody cake.” So we’re just going to ignore all the other 3D titles that had “today’s graphics” at the time of release?
“I’m not sure what you could even do to top the previous one, Maybe another great story?” Rebalances, tweaks, maybe add elements from Injustice? Fighting game sequels are more than just new stories, they’re all new mechanics.
“I still would love to see a Mortal Kombat movie since I’m sure it would be a lot better than the one made in the 1990′s” Which one? There were two movies in the 90’s.
“Nintendo Shipped 160,000 Wii U Units, But it’s Still Not Enough? (Face Palm)”
Of course it’s not enough! That’s really bad no matter how you slice it.
*reads article* Outside of Bores claming Nintendo is “crying” over it, he actually makes a realistic point. There are no games out and the price is too high. Holy shit, Bores actually made sense for once.
Though my informant believes that he may have copy-pasted these thoughts from somewhere else. Considering Chris is suddenly showing a grasp of economics… yeah it‘s possible. One of my readers found he copy-pasted an article about the Xbox One from the Huffington Post. You know, I wanted to look past all the plagiarism, but you’re making it really hard.
“The Flash -- Television Series on the Horizon on the CW”
“DC loves to put its properties on TV, and on the CW no less. Superman, Green Arrow, Wonder Woman, Aquaman, all have been put to test on the small screen,” Because only Batman and Superman seem to work on the big screen. Also, that terrible Wonder Woman pilot? Wasn’t for CW, it was going to be on NBC.
By the way, they use The CW because both the channel and DC are owned by Warner Bros. Just like how Disney owns both ABC and Marvel, and the upcoming Agents of SHIELD show will be on ABC.
“Superman Comic Book Writer, Mark Waid Upset over Man of Steel Movie Ending”
Not really surprised. Knowing how the movie ends, it’s easy to see why he’s upset.
“Seriously? Did we even watch the same movie? I thought the movie was well produced” This has nothing to do with how the movie was “produced”. Waid made it clear that the story pissed him off, not the production.
“and I for one understood why he did what he had to do, and it was a very pivotal moment for the future of the character.” Most people don’t feel that way. A lot of people thought it was wrong, not just professionals.
“Mark, sorry to say this but you’ve turned into a crybaby. You need to step away from the character a bit buddy. You’re definitely working too hard over there if that’s how you felt.” Okay, what’s with calling people crybabies today? First Nintendo, now Mark Waid. What is up with you?
Also, Mark Waid hasn’t worked with DC since 2008. He’s not “working too hard over there”. Plus, Superman was the first character he wrote for DC, so it’s no surprise he’s attached to him.
“I’ve never seen Superman tackled better” Superman The Animated Series? All-Star Superman? Superman vs. The Elite? The first Superman movie? The Richard Donner cut of Superman II? There’s better portrayals of Superman out there.
"and with so many superpowers, the Superman comic’s kinda suck.” Then you’re reading the wrong ones. There’s plenty of good Superman stories out there, go to a forum to get suggestions. Try Alan Moore’s “For the Man Who Has Everything” or “Whatever Happened to the Man of Tomorrow?” or John Byrne’s “The Man of Steel” series, or Joe Kelly‘s “What’s So Funny About Truth, Justice and the American Way?” or Mark Waid’s own “Kingdom Come”?
“Using emotion as a plot device works on so many levels for the future.” Superman stories have plenty of emotion. You’re an idiot!
"But what do I know, I’m just an Irate Gamer :p" Nothing. You know nothing. You certainly don’t know as much as Mark Waid does. Ugggh.
“Iron Man 3 Toy Display Wow’s Crowd in Animation-Comic-Game Con”
“Its just a superhero day here at theIrateGamer.com.” How is today any different? You talk about superheroes almost every day. In fact, you talk about superheroes more than you talk about video games. So why are you even the Irate Gamer? Maybe you should talk about comic books now since you’re clearly more interested in those. *senses icy stares from Minnesota* Whoa, that was weird.
He then mentions wanting to smuggle these toys out in costumes. More larceny jokes… Do you really want people to believe you’re going to Hong Kong to steal toys? Might as well just burn your money.
Other stories:
“Disney Infinity’s first 20 Power Discs come in blind packs of two at launch”
Stories from August 1st 2013
We’ve entered August and Bores has barely made any videos. But hey, he’s found an easier way to “work”, typing half-assed news articles.
“2013 Comic Con -- 8 Bit Jason Voorhees Exclusive Action Figure by NECA”
You’re still reporting Comic-Con news? It’s been two weeks! There might be a problem with how you’re handling things.
I’m surprised he doesn’t say “expect a review from me some time down the road”. That could cause some issues.
For some reason he updated the article but I can’t find any differences.
*looks at tags* Hahahaha, he spelled LJN wrong.
“Batman Arkham Origins -- Multiplayer mode? Now You can Kill Batman”
Hey publishers and developers? Not everything needs multiplayer! Stop it!
“You can play between Batman, Robin, 3 of Joker’s gang thugs, or 3 of Bane’s gang thugs. Meaning yes you can kill Batman this time.” Not exactly. Considering how Joker and Bane operate, the thugs are likely going to just capture or incapacitate him. The Joker wouldn’t give a measly mook the honor of killing the Bat.
The multiplayer is going to suck either way. It’s being outsourced to Splash Damage, the guys behind Brink.
“X-Men Days of Future Past -- Bryan Singer Updates on Time Frame of Movie”
“I guess all eyes are on X-men Days of Futures Past since its the only movie I get updates too anymore.” Or maybe you need to broaden your scope? All you do is talk about superhero movies, there are others you could bring up like Elysium, The World’s End, Insidious Chapter 2, Ron Howard’s Rush, Machete Kills and that‘s just the next few months. It’s that kind of thinking that caused Pacific Rim to get beaten by Grown Ups 2.
“Beer Bottle Labels in Motion -- Refreshingly Cool”
Has science really gotten to this point? No. These are just animated GIFs Bores found on Tumblr. Making it another “cool pictures I found” post. Funny since 95% of his audience are too young to legally drink.
Other stories:
“Classic Donkey Kong -- Stop Motion Video”
“THOR 2: The Dark World -- Movie Poster Revealed”
Stories from August 2nd 2013
“Super Mario Bros. -- Updated Level 1-2 in 3D with Graphics and Explosions”
This article is about “Super Modern Mario Bros”, a video that “modernizes” SMB with 2.5D visuals and blood. I’m so tired of blood being in places where it doesn’t belong.
“Not sure how Blood got into this Mario game,” They edited it in. It’s not a real game.
“but if Mortal Kombat told us anything, its that Blood equals ravenous fans coming back for more.” … Wha? I don’t see how adding blood to Mario will have fans coming back for more. If anything it will push away a lot of them.
“Well that and me trying to perform fatalities on my kid sister. FINISH HER!” Lovely, sororicide “jokes”.
“NECA Now Teasing an 8-Bit Freddy Kruger NES Version Figure”
I’m actually curious why NECA is making figures based on games most people find underwhelming or straight-up bad. Is there really a big market for this?
“Lets hope for an 8-bit LJN Marty McFly next with the trademark black shirt… oy!” Shouldn’t this be red? *pointlessly colors it in to remind audience what red looks like*
Also, would these really qualify as 8-Bit figures? If they weren’t marketed as such, they could easily pass off as normal Freddy and Jason figures. It’s not like NECA hasn’t made 8-Bit figures before, back in 2007 they made an 8-Bit Simon Belmont figure exclusive to San Diego Comic Con.
http://www.figures.com/databases/news/actionfigures/155/417.jpg You can see it here.
“Tomb Raider Sequel? Square Enix Confirms it for ps4 & xbox one”
“The first game has sold over 4 million copies and I haven’t even gotten around to checking it out yet! Well that’s the life of a video editor. Busy busy” Oh I’m sure you’re crazy busy making… nothing. It’s been over two months since you released a video with any serious editing in it. Everything since then has been E3 footage, your Man of Steel review where editing was minimal, and some Skylanders videos that you didn’t even make, they were sent to you. So don’t sit over there and tell me that you’re “really busy” editing videos.
Unless that’s your real life job now. If it is, I feel so bad for your clients.
That’s it for this week. Video-wise, Bores gave us nothing… again. Except more Skylanders stuff that even his fans are tired of, the day he posted these videos he lost at least 49 subscribers. If he starts doing videos on Disney Infinity, people will start to see him as a one-trick pony. Then he’ll do another rant about Zelda being too kiddy and really get blasted for his stupidity.
I should also mention that Bores claimed “Haunted Investigators” is dead, and it now lives on as Pursuit of the Paranormal. Sure the name is better, but until we see more of it, it’s just as much of a phantom as the ghosts he hunts.
Think we’ll see the Irate Gamer Game sometime this month? Pfffffft.
So we’re just going to barely talk about video games?
I don’t know what direction I’m going!
What will this week bring?
Stories from July 29th 2013
This day started with three Skylanders articles, which were actually links to videos he posted on his YouTube channel. Since I’m tired of his Skylanders obsession, I’m not going to bother looking at any of it.
“2013 Comic Con -- Magic the Gathering: Mechanics of THEROS Pre-Release”
First actual article is MTG related… wa-hoo…
Apparently, Bores couldn’t write about this until he saw a video of the SDCC panel because all the reports were “confusing”. I’m sure they made perfect sense to a Magic veteran. Which I know you’re not.
Also, one of upcoming expansions won’t be available for 91 years. He reports the “Journey into Nyx” expansion will come out in May 2104. And I believe that’s the fourth time you’ve made this mistake. Jeez…
One of my informants noticed that Bores wants to “improve MTG” with his own ideas. You can’t even do a story right, what makes you think you can improve a card game with 20 years of rules and ideas?
“Masters of the Universe He-Man Movie -- Jon M. Chu speaks”
Who’s Jon M. Chu? *looks him up, sees Step Up 2 and 3D, Justin Bieber movie, and G.I. Joe Retaliation* Oooooh… yeah this is going to suck.
“Hasbro’s track record hasn’t been so great in the movie world…” Hasbro? Masters of the Universe is owned by Mattel. Couldn’t you double-check that? Especially since you made a video about the action figures that you so subtly linked in the article?
Also, do you not remember the last time they tried to make a live-action Masters of the Universe movie? Dolph Lundgren, Courtney Cox, most of it taking place in the real world instead of Eternia? Granted, I doubt it will be exactly like the 1987 movie, but given the director is mostly known for dancing movies, this is going to blow.
Also, aren’t you going to give any credit to the person that drew that He-Man picture you’re using? I doubt you did it yourself.
Stories from July 30th 2013
Only two actual articles yesterday? Hmm, seems he’s starting to slack like I predicted.
“Kingdom Hearts 3: Concludes long battle with the Heartless”
You stay away from Kingdom Hearts!
“Kingdom hearts 2 was released in 2005, and well, that was pretty much it.” There were spin-offs, despite what people claim a couple of them were not “pointless”. Birth by Sleep was a well-made prequel that introduced the best battle system in KH and revealed a ton of backstory and mythos. Dream Drop Distance was essentially Kingdom Hearts 2.5 and reveals even more, like Xehanort’s final plan.
“Geez, taking their sweet time eh? Who do they think they are? Blizzard Entertainment?” Blame Final Fantasy XV and Square-Enix’s terrible upper-management. The former took up a ton of Nomura and his team’s time. Also, it’s not rare for a company to delay a sequel for years on end. Final Fantasy XII had a notorious development cycle, as did XIII. Valve’s delays are legendary.
This article is about how KH3 will be the final story with the Heartless, but not the last KH game. This is really old news confirmed either last year or two years ago.
He brings up that the reporter asked about Pixar or Star Wars.
“If it were me, I would have sliced the reporter down with a lightsaber and said, does that answer your question? Ahh a guy can dream!” Then you’d be arrested for murder. Quit it.
“Seriously though, lets just stick to Disney animation properties please. Leave it to Disney’s Game, Infinity to use Pixar worlds.” You realize that it’s not just Disney animation in KH right? There’s been Pirates of the Caribbean and Tron worlds (both Tron and Tron: Legacy). Plus there have been plans to include Woody and Buzz Lightyear, but were scrapped so they obviously wanted to include Pixar in some way. Personally I would love for KH3 to have a world based on The Incredibles or Brave.
“Will Pikmin ever be on the 3DS? Not Bloody Likely!”
I’m the British Irate Gamer, I appear to talk about games that come out in Europe before the US.
Really not much to say about this article, I just wanted to make fun of his title.
“Marvel LEGO Super Heroes -- More Character Confirmations, X-Mansion and more”
“Warner Brothers loves to milk these releases.” Again, I don’t think you understand what “milking” means. Just releasing PR info isn’t milking.
“Jean Grey (who we’ve already spoiled days ago on this site thank you very much!)” Like anyone besides me and your detractors actually reads your site and cares.
“and Viper, who at first I was like, hey, they are adding Polaris into this game?? Sweet! Well I was wrong. And since she looks so much like Polaris, Don’t expect to see her around.” Or they can just give Polaris a different costume, not really that hard.
No mention on how these reveals all tie into The Wolverine? You know, that movie that just came out and happens to have Wolverine, Jean Grey, Silver Samurai and Viper in it?
“Transformers: Fall of Cybertron Figure -- MetroPlex”
This one is about a new Transformer figure that measures in at around 24 inches, making it the biggest Transformer ever.
“However, the towering robot mode will crush anything in its way and make you wet your pants! Hit the jump to see more pictures while I go change my underwear” Gross.
“Sonic the HedgeHog: First Person Shooter Video”
Isn’t this old? I swear this old. *checks* No it came out two days prior to this article. Maybe I’m thinking of something else.
By the way, “HedgeHog”? What is with your spelling?
Also, it’s not a “shooter”, it’s just first-person. Learn the difference between “first-person perspective” and “first-person shooter”.
He also mentions that Machinima is “YouTube’s video game division”. That explains why 95% of it is shit, and why they sponsor DarkSydePhil despite him being a racist dickhead.
Stories from July 31st 2013
“New Mortal Kombat game in development, and Movie news”
“The story was fantastic and seeing all your favorite MK characters upgraded with todays graphics was the icing on the bloody cake.” So we’re just going to ignore all the other 3D titles that had “today’s graphics” at the time of release?
“I’m not sure what you could even do to top the previous one, Maybe another great story?” Rebalances, tweaks, maybe add elements from Injustice? Fighting game sequels are more than just new stories, they’re all new mechanics.
“I still would love to see a Mortal Kombat movie since I’m sure it would be a lot better than the one made in the 1990′s” Which one? There were two movies in the 90’s.
“Nintendo Shipped 160,000 Wii U Units, But it’s Still Not Enough? (Face Palm)”
Of course it’s not enough! That’s really bad no matter how you slice it.
*reads article* Outside of Bores claming Nintendo is “crying” over it, he actually makes a realistic point. There are no games out and the price is too high. Holy shit, Bores actually made sense for once.
Though my informant believes that he may have copy-pasted these thoughts from somewhere else. Considering Chris is suddenly showing a grasp of economics… yeah it‘s possible. One of my readers found he copy-pasted an article about the Xbox One from the Huffington Post. You know, I wanted to look past all the plagiarism, but you’re making it really hard.
“The Flash -- Television Series on the Horizon on the CW”
“DC loves to put its properties on TV, and on the CW no less. Superman, Green Arrow, Wonder Woman, Aquaman, all have been put to test on the small screen,” Because only Batman and Superman seem to work on the big screen. Also, that terrible Wonder Woman pilot? Wasn’t for CW, it was going to be on NBC.
By the way, they use The CW because both the channel and DC are owned by Warner Bros. Just like how Disney owns both ABC and Marvel, and the upcoming Agents of SHIELD show will be on ABC.
“Superman Comic Book Writer, Mark Waid Upset over Man of Steel Movie Ending”
Not really surprised. Knowing how the movie ends, it’s easy to see why he’s upset.
“Seriously? Did we even watch the same movie? I thought the movie was well produced” This has nothing to do with how the movie was “produced”. Waid made it clear that the story pissed him off, not the production.
“and I for one understood why he did what he had to do, and it was a very pivotal moment for the future of the character.” Most people don’t feel that way. A lot of people thought it was wrong, not just professionals.
“Mark, sorry to say this but you’ve turned into a crybaby. You need to step away from the character a bit buddy. You’re definitely working too hard over there if that’s how you felt.” Okay, what’s with calling people crybabies today? First Nintendo, now Mark Waid. What is up with you?
Also, Mark Waid hasn’t worked with DC since 2008. He’s not “working too hard over there”. Plus, Superman was the first character he wrote for DC, so it’s no surprise he’s attached to him.
“I’ve never seen Superman tackled better” Superman The Animated Series? All-Star Superman? Superman vs. The Elite? The first Superman movie? The Richard Donner cut of Superman II? There’s better portrayals of Superman out there.
"and with so many superpowers, the Superman comic’s kinda suck.” Then you’re reading the wrong ones. There’s plenty of good Superman stories out there, go to a forum to get suggestions. Try Alan Moore’s “For the Man Who Has Everything” or “Whatever Happened to the Man of Tomorrow?” or John Byrne’s “The Man of Steel” series, or Joe Kelly‘s “What’s So Funny About Truth, Justice and the American Way?” or Mark Waid’s own “Kingdom Come”?
“Using emotion as a plot device works on so many levels for the future.” Superman stories have plenty of emotion. You’re an idiot!
"But what do I know, I’m just an Irate Gamer :p" Nothing. You know nothing. You certainly don’t know as much as Mark Waid does. Ugggh.
“Iron Man 3 Toy Display Wow’s Crowd in Animation-Comic-Game Con”
“Its just a superhero day here at theIrateGamer.com.” How is today any different? You talk about superheroes almost every day. In fact, you talk about superheroes more than you talk about video games. So why are you even the Irate Gamer? Maybe you should talk about comic books now since you’re clearly more interested in those. *senses icy stares from Minnesota* Whoa, that was weird.
He then mentions wanting to smuggle these toys out in costumes. More larceny jokes… Do you really want people to believe you’re going to Hong Kong to steal toys? Might as well just burn your money.
Other stories:
“Disney Infinity’s first 20 Power Discs come in blind packs of two at launch”
Stories from August 1st 2013
We’ve entered August and Bores has barely made any videos. But hey, he’s found an easier way to “work”, typing half-assed news articles.
“2013 Comic Con -- 8 Bit Jason Voorhees Exclusive Action Figure by NECA”
You’re still reporting Comic-Con news? It’s been two weeks! There might be a problem with how you’re handling things.
I’m surprised he doesn’t say “expect a review from me some time down the road”. That could cause some issues.
For some reason he updated the article but I can’t find any differences.
*looks at tags* Hahahaha, he spelled LJN wrong.
“Batman Arkham Origins -- Multiplayer mode? Now You can Kill Batman”
Hey publishers and developers? Not everything needs multiplayer! Stop it!
“You can play between Batman, Robin, 3 of Joker’s gang thugs, or 3 of Bane’s gang thugs. Meaning yes you can kill Batman this time.” Not exactly. Considering how Joker and Bane operate, the thugs are likely going to just capture or incapacitate him. The Joker wouldn’t give a measly mook the honor of killing the Bat.
The multiplayer is going to suck either way. It’s being outsourced to Splash Damage, the guys behind Brink.
“X-Men Days of Future Past -- Bryan Singer Updates on Time Frame of Movie”
“I guess all eyes are on X-men Days of Futures Past since its the only movie I get updates too anymore.” Or maybe you need to broaden your scope? All you do is talk about superhero movies, there are others you could bring up like Elysium, The World’s End, Insidious Chapter 2, Ron Howard’s Rush, Machete Kills and that‘s just the next few months. It’s that kind of thinking that caused Pacific Rim to get beaten by Grown Ups 2.
“Beer Bottle Labels in Motion -- Refreshingly Cool”
Has science really gotten to this point? No. These are just animated GIFs Bores found on Tumblr. Making it another “cool pictures I found” post. Funny since 95% of his audience are too young to legally drink.
Other stories:
“Classic Donkey Kong -- Stop Motion Video”
“THOR 2: The Dark World -- Movie Poster Revealed”
Stories from August 2nd 2013
“Super Mario Bros. -- Updated Level 1-2 in 3D with Graphics and Explosions”
This article is about “Super Modern Mario Bros”, a video that “modernizes” SMB with 2.5D visuals and blood. I’m so tired of blood being in places where it doesn’t belong.
“Not sure how Blood got into this Mario game,” They edited it in. It’s not a real game.
“but if Mortal Kombat told us anything, its that Blood equals ravenous fans coming back for more.” … Wha? I don’t see how adding blood to Mario will have fans coming back for more. If anything it will push away a lot of them.
“Well that and me trying to perform fatalities on my kid sister. FINISH HER!” Lovely, sororicide “jokes”.
“NECA Now Teasing an 8-Bit Freddy Kruger NES Version Figure”
I’m actually curious why NECA is making figures based on games most people find underwhelming or straight-up bad. Is there really a big market for this?
“Lets hope for an 8-bit LJN Marty McFly next with the trademark black shirt… oy!” Shouldn’t this be red? *pointlessly colors it in to remind audience what red looks like*
Also, would these really qualify as 8-Bit figures? If they weren’t marketed as such, they could easily pass off as normal Freddy and Jason figures. It’s not like NECA hasn’t made 8-Bit figures before, back in 2007 they made an 8-Bit Simon Belmont figure exclusive to San Diego Comic Con.
http://www.figures.com/databases/news/actionfigures/155/417.jpg You can see it here.
“Tomb Raider Sequel? Square Enix Confirms it for ps4 & xbox one”
“The first game has sold over 4 million copies and I haven’t even gotten around to checking it out yet! Well that’s the life of a video editor. Busy busy” Oh I’m sure you’re crazy busy making… nothing. It’s been over two months since you released a video with any serious editing in it. Everything since then has been E3 footage, your Man of Steel review where editing was minimal, and some Skylanders videos that you didn’t even make, they were sent to you. So don’t sit over there and tell me that you’re “really busy” editing videos.
Unless that’s your real life job now. If it is, I feel so bad for your clients.
That’s it for this week. Video-wise, Bores gave us nothing… again. Except more Skylanders stuff that even his fans are tired of, the day he posted these videos he lost at least 49 subscribers. If he starts doing videos on Disney Infinity, people will start to see him as a one-trick pony. Then he’ll do another rant about Zelda being too kiddy and really get blasted for his stupidity.
I should also mention that Bores claimed “Haunted Investigators” is dead, and it now lives on as Pursuit of the Paranormal. Sure the name is better, but until we see more of it, it’s just as much of a phantom as the ghosts he hunts.
Think we’ll see the Irate Gamer Game sometime this month? Pfffffft.
Saturday, July 27, 2013
IG Attempts the News: Wasn't This Supposed To Be About Video Games?
Last time on IG Attempts the News: Make everything darker and edgier!
More jokes that make me look like a psycho!
Women are stupid!
What will this week bring?
Actually, before I begin that. I viewed a video from MatthewPatrick13 for his “Game Theory” series, explaining how YouTube works, the rise in Let’s Play/walkthrough channels, and why PewDiePie is popular. Last March, YouTube changed their method of promotion. Instead of going by how many views a video gets (which people could cheat by giving it a thumbnail with tits, only to have a talking head in it) to how much duration of the video is watched. The more time passes, the more likely it’s going to get promoted. Let’s Play/walkthrough channels manage to do this by submitting 10-20 minute chunks of a straight-forward with each part labeled, allowing newcomers to view the series in one sitting. Thus, they get a large amount of promotion (and it’s why notable YouTube partners have started gaming channels).
As for PewDiePie? He managed to get international attention. I still think he’s horrid though.
So how does this effect Bores? Well, Bores is no longer promoted like he was in the old days. Taking his fairly short videos and combining them with the infrequency of uploads, it’s no wonder that his views have stagnated and his subscriber count has dropped hard or barely moved at all.
You can view MatPat’s video here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EgMqhEMhVV8
And now, onto the “news”.
Stories on July 20th 2013
Well what do you know, he does post on weekends. Interesting.
“Donkey Kong vs. MC Escher Stairs -- Chalk Stop Motion Video”
Just a video he thought was cool.
The only thing I found weird was one of the tags saying “Atari”. I know Donkey Kong was released on the 2600, the 7800 and Atari computers, but most people associate DK with Nintendo since it‘s a Nintendo IP, so there’s really no reason to put that tag there.
Other stories:
“2013 Comic Con SDCC -- Magic the Gathering 5 New Commander Sets this November”
Stories on July 22nd 2013
“2013 Comic Con -- LEGO MARVEL New Characters Announced: Stan Lee, Ice man, Howard the Duck?”
A game with playable Stan Lee. Fucking bought.
“Most of it concerning all the playable characters. But first lets address the obscure characters” Obscure huh? Let’s see what your idea of obscure is.
“Stan Lee. Wow that guy gets around. Even in video games.” … Did you seriously just call Stan Lee obscure? The man is a legend! He’s responsible for creating a vast majority of the Marvel Universe. So to call him “obscure” shows me you have no clue who he really is.
He brings up Howard the Duck, and is annoyed because he can only think of the movie rather than the comic. Ever consider that the comics are actually good? Didn’t think so…
After a lame joke about throwing Howard off a cliff, he brings up Squirrel Girl.
“Wow, that one is so obscure I’ve never even heard of her” You call yourself a comic book fan? Squirrel Girl is awesome. She beat Doctor Doom and Thanos! And the former was the real Doom, not a Doombot.
He lists off multiple characters in the game, ending on Agent Coulson
“Boy those Marvel movies made him a superstar.” No shit, that’s where he was introduced. Coulson was an original character created for the MCU, and like Harley Quinn in Batman and Livewire in Superman, he was later integrated into the comic books.
“2013 SDCC Comic Con -- Superman and Batman Crossover Movie Now a Reality! Summer 2015”
You see, this is why you need to post on weekends. Everyone has already heard about this.
“So weird this news was released, especially since I mentioned that I wish I would see something like this in my Man of Steel Review posted a day before the announcement. Glad they took my suggestion.” Don’t act like an egoistical prick because you predicted something would happen. Just about everyone thought something like this would happen considering the success of the MCU and everyone telling WB and DC that doing a Justice League movie right out of the gate is a bad idea!
“And since they are listening to me, give me a Green Lantern reboot and a Flash movie while your at it!” Green Lantern is never happening again. Deal with it.
“Hit the jump to check out my Superman Movie Review where my soothsaying skills are top notch!” Again, this is why nobody likes you, you’re acting like a dick.
“The Beatles -- Where are they Now? (Artists Rendition)”
I know where two of them are. Dead. The other two are still performing in their own ways.
Actually, this is another “cool picture I found” post. Apparently it’s from the 70’s or something… whatever.
“2013 Comic-Con: Avengers 2 Titled Avengers: Age of Ultron (Different Origin Story)”
I’m actually glad we’re getting Ultron next. Putting Thanos in the second movie would be blowing their load too early.
“At the Marvels Panel” Do you even care?
“Now I know of this guy through collecting Marvel figures,” I’m such a big comic book fan you guyz! I read a lot of them… except I never have.
“But since Ant man hasn’t been introduced yet, Joss Whedon has confirmed the origin story will be all new” Or he could be lying. It’s been confirmed Ant Man is the first movie of Phase 3, coming November 2015. It’s possible Avengers 2 will introduce Hank Pym, setting up the next movie.
“2013 Comic Con -- Magic the Gathering: From the Vault Twenty (Jace the Mind Sculptor!)”
More MTG… huzzah.
“Oy! The price of this has already jumped up $50.00 dollars and it hasn’t even been released yet! You punks!” You mean the rare and powerful cards are… expensive and in demand?! Le gasp! More and more you show us all that you don’t understand the basics of economics.
He brings up Jace the Mind Sculptor and has this to say.
“Somehow through my Obi wan ways I can hear many people praising this card and cursing Wizards of the Coast over this all at the same time.” Your Obi Wan ways? What? What does that mean? Do you mean The Force? Quit slipping in references that don’t match up.
Apparently Jace is a controversial MTG card. Can you explain how? No? Fine, leave us all in the dark.
Other stories:
“Superman Man of Steel Review & Justice League Movie Thoughts” (it’s his video)
“LEGO -- Back to the Future DeLorean Set *DROOL*”
“2013 Comic Con -- Magic the Gathering: Next Block: THEROS -- (Elspeth now Center Stage)”
Stories from July 23rd 2013
“Arcade ‘Netflix-esque’ Type Rental Service New Available”
Looking into “All You Can Arcade”, I can see a lot going wrong. Especially something going wrong in delivery, and paying $75 dollars a month is just not worth it.
“Might come in handy when I record History of Video Games Part 6 which I will be producing later this year.” Give it up Bores! That series is never going anywhere, and you’re a fool for thinking you’ll finish it. Also, why do you need Arcade cabinets? Didn’t you say you were covering the Atari 2600?
“There is one catch though, certain area’s only offer certain consoles. Where I live I was able to pull up hundreds of machines,(…)” That’s…. impossible. I looked up All You Can Arcade’s site and put in the two zip codes for Sandusky Ohio, and neither had any machines available. I put in my own zip code and I can’t get any either. It sounds like something that’s only available in the California Bay area right now.
“(…) but I’m sure out in WallaWalla, Washington, There will be no rousing games of ‘Mappy’ for you!” I also put in Walla Walla, Washington’s zip code and they aren’t available there either. Also, the site doesn’t have Mappy. Do your research.
“But it’s a joke!” Then maybe he shouldn’t say he has hundreds of choices available to him when he actually doesn’t!
“Oldest D-20 Spinner Die Found -- Ancient Romans Played D&D and Magic: the Gathering?”
No. No they didn’t.
Actually, this story is kind of interesting. It’s a multi-sided die that scientists have dated somewhere between 304 B.C.E. and 30 B.C.E. Of course, Bores ruins it with his dumb jokes.
“Imagine the level their warriors would be at today! Try and beat my level 354 wizard! I dare ya dungeon master!” Ugggggh. I’m pretty sure these die were used for something else, not fantasy role-playing games. Maybe games of chance that have been lost to the passage of time.
“Very cool, just wait till I find one made out of dinosaur bone!” About as likely as finding buried E.T. cartridges in a field in Ohio.
“Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle Movie Set Photos -- Ralphael in Disguise Pics”
Who the devil is Ralphael? Oooh you mean Raphael. See, this is why you should disable auto-correct on your iPad.
By the way, all these images are old. I saw them weeks ago.
“I guess this one might actually be turning out to be pretty good. Lets hope.” No. No it won’t. It’s going to be a train wreck. All hope is lost, and I don’t see how it can get better.
“2013 Comic Con -- New Ghostbusters Toys (Proton Wand, Ecto Goggles)”
“What practical application do these things have in actual application in the field? I have absolutely no fricken idea but they look great.” They’re toys. If you seriously thought about using them for your ghost hunting… never mind. If you’re asking about in-universe purposes, they both seem pretty obvious. One is the gun on a Proton Pack, the other lets you see ghosts.
“Much better than the 80's versions by a country mile.” For $110 and $130 dollars, they fucking better be higher quality than toys from the 80’s.
“Looks like the Ecto Goggles will be available this August only on the Matty Website.” I’m sorry, Matty? Did you seriously give a pet name to Mattel? Nobody else calls them that Bores.
“Activision Now Plans on Releasing 2 Ninja Turtles Video Games this Year”
Activision milking something, what a shock.
I find it weird that half of the article’s one paragraph is normal, but the other half is in italics. He’s not even quoting anybody.
“But only available on Xbox 360 and Wii only?? Damn you Playstation!!” Why are you cursing Playstation? It’s Activision’s fault the game isn’t going to be on PS3. Hell, I’m curious as to why the game is on Wii rather than Wii U. Are you going to curse Nintendo for that?
Other stories:
“X-Men: Days of Future Past -- Official Posters Revealed”
“Superman Movie Sequel Titled: Superman vs. Batman? David Goyer Reveals”
Stories on July 24th 2013
“Arkham Origins: Mad Hatter Now Confirmed as a Villain”
“He won’t be part of the “assassins” group because that would be as crazy as bringing in someone obscure as Copperhead.” Is he calling Mad Hatter obscure? Or is he saying that making him an assassin wouldn’t make sense? Hard to tell with him. Also, quit ragging on Copperhead, what did she ever do to you? Personally I would prefer if Hatter was one of the assassins, he’d have stages similar to the Scarecrow scenes from the first game.
“And hey, if you want to really mess with peoples minds, make it look exactly like that Tom Petty music video “Don’t Come Around Here” and let Tom Petty play the Mad Hatter again. That will ruffle some feathers!” … What? Barely connecting obscure reference much?
First of all, the song is called “Don’t Come Around Here No More”. Sorry, I’m a stickler for song titles (it’s Baba O’Riley, not Teenage Wasteland). Second, that music video is nowhere near the worst Mad Hatter related thing out there. I point you to Tim Burton’s Alice in Wonderland with break-dancing Johnny Depp. That’s torture. Third… seriously what?
“2013 SDCC -- Bryan Cranston Crashes Comic Con as himself?”
I saw this a couple days before this post. That mask dives deep into the uncanny valley.
He references Cranston’s roles on Seinfeld and Malcolm in the Middle for some reason, then says he hopes they don’t spoil the “sexy series finale” of Breaking Bad. Okay, I haven’t seen Breaking Bad yet, but from everything I’ve heard, “sexy” is not a word I would use to describe it. Brutal, gritty, dark, those are accurate words. Maybe Bores’ ideal Zelda game would involve Link and Tingle running a meth lab in the Deku Tree.
“Street Fighter II “Best of Church Edition” Smacking Around the Rightous!”
Pretty sure there’s a missing “e” in that headline.
This is another video he saw. It takes footage from various churches and adds Street Fighter sound effects to them. … Yeah.
“I’m so inspired I can’t wait till next Sunday so I can duke it out at my church!” I thought you were a Buddhist? *researches* There are Buddhist churches, but they’re a specific subset, and aren’t available in Ohio. There are temples all over though.
Maybe the “Alan” that sent him that was Alan Cicco?
“Pokemon Rumble U: Another Figure Game releasing August 29th”
What’s this? Bores covering something related to Pokemon? That’s a first. Oh of course it’s the one that allows figures… like Skylanders. Of all the games that would get his attention.
“Marvel Super Heroes LEGO: Howard the Duck Reveal”
“After pestering Warner Brothers repeatedly the last couple days for a picture of a Howard the Duck LEGO picture, I finally got one from their PR people.” You didn’t do that. They probably just sent it out to everyone. By chance that you did, why would you want to pester them about it? Didn’t you say it was dumb and you’d only use Howard to throw him off a cliff?
“This character will no doubt be locked up until you can perform some incredible feat.” Collecting 50,000 studs isn’t really that amazing a feat. Especially if you have a couple multipliers on.
“Can’t wait to see what his special power is. (Yeah i know, insert your own joke here)” Oh that’s easy. *clears throat* Howard the Duck will defeat his enemies with the power of biting satire and bizarre parody. Just like the comic books.
Other stories:
“You Moron! Dumpster Diver Makes Paper Mache Sculpture From $40,000 Comic Books”
“Designer of Madden NFL awarded $11 million in EA lawsuit”
Stories from July 25th 2013
“Game Of Thrones 40-Foot Dragon Skull Created to Promote Season 3”
Promote Season 3? Way to be late for that! It already happened, it started in March and ended in June.
Oh I see, it’s for a UK only streaming service. They must be doing well if they’re able to afford making this. Hey HBO, maybe you could prevent Game of Thrones from being the most pirated show every year if you gave people the option to watch it on Netflix or Hulu, rather than force them to subscribe to HBO no matter what.
“What’s better than finding a dragon skull?” A live dragon?
“How about finding a 40 foot dragon skull!” That’s not much different, it’s only bigger. Is this even a joke?
“Baggage claim will love me after I steal that sucker.” And we can add larceny to your list of “sarcastic crimes”. When will he learn jokes like that aren’t funny?
“LEGO: Marvel Super Heroes -- Characters Confirmed! Gambit, Beast, Punisher, Elektra, etc”
He says Warner Bros sent him these images. No they didn’t, they probably sent them to everyone and you found them off another site. Quit trying to sound special.
“If they keep this up, they’ll have nothing left for DLC” Good. Unless the DLC is extra levels, then it’s pointless cash-grabbing.
“Donkey Kong Doctor Who Level & Other Random Pop Culture Characters”
I thought I told you to stay away from Doctor Who media!
It’s another “cool pictures I found” post, basically an artist edited Donkey Kong to feature other media. Bores posted the ones with Doctor Who, Adventure Time, Star Wars, Indiana Jones, Nolan-verse Batman, and Alien.
He also wants someone to mod Donkey Kong to look like the Doctor Who picture. *sighs* Moving on…
“DC Comics --Flash Point Animated Movie on Sale Tuesday”
Ah yes, Flashpoint, the final major story before the New 52 reboot. That sure was worth it huh? *crickets*
“I cannot wait to see how this translates over to the tv medium.” TV? This is direct-to-DVD. If you’re thinking this is a pilot to a possible TV show, then you seem to have ignored the deluge of DC Animated movies coming out the last few years. Right now, all we’re getting on TV is Teen Titans Go and Beware the Batman. Nothing on the level of the DC Animated movies, or even the old DCAU.
Other stories:
“LEGO: Breaking Bad Video Game Spoof”
“Marvels Avengers 2 Movie News: Joss Whedon talks Scarlet Witch Costume”
“Super Mario 64 Video Game Mod -- Dad Creates Childlike Goombas For Son”
Stories from July 26th 2013
“The Homer Car: Company Actually Builds Replica”
I just want to mention that the picture used has a model dressed as Marge standing next to the car. This is why Simpsons cosplay just doesn’t work, it looks weird.
“Remember the Simpsons Episode were Homer designs a car for his brother Herb? Yeah it was Season 2, a very long time ago so I’ll forgive you just this one time in case you don’t” Considering most of your fans were born looooong after that episode first aired, it wouldn’t surprise me they wouldn’t know it. Hell, these were probably the same fans that said the Lady Gaga episode was “amazing and brilliant”.
Also, “…Episode were Homer…” Are you sure English is your first language?
“A Half-Scale Replica Of Vader’s TIE Fighter Finally Built”
“Is it time for the Star Wars Celebration in Europe already?” I checked and this is actually a thing. Stopped watch is right twice a day.
“Took them over 1,000 man hours and $20,000 to build. Not sure why they didn’t splurge with $40,000 and build a full sized one” Because that’s not how it works? It’s pretty damn big already going by the pictures.
“Very cool guys and an Irate hats off to you.” An Irate hats off? What? Are you a brand now or something? Or is this more of your belief that “if I add my name to something, that automatically makes it funny”?
Other stories:
“Ducktales Remastered Duckumenatry -- Wubba Duck, Flintheart Golmgold Revealed!”
“Batman Norman Rockwell Art -- Saturday Gotham Evening Post Covers”
“Skylanders -- Fryno Being Confirmed Next week?”
It’s Saturday, that means it’s time to post this.
Surprisingly, Bores seems to be laying off the horrid jokes. A little bit at least, there’s still lots of awful ones.
What horrid news will await next week? We’ll have to wait and see. I just wonder if Bores will upload something of substance soon.
More jokes that make me look like a psycho!
Women are stupid!
What will this week bring?
Actually, before I begin that. I viewed a video from MatthewPatrick13 for his “Game Theory” series, explaining how YouTube works, the rise in Let’s Play/walkthrough channels, and why PewDiePie is popular. Last March, YouTube changed their method of promotion. Instead of going by how many views a video gets (which people could cheat by giving it a thumbnail with tits, only to have a talking head in it) to how much duration of the video is watched. The more time passes, the more likely it’s going to get promoted. Let’s Play/walkthrough channels manage to do this by submitting 10-20 minute chunks of a straight-forward with each part labeled, allowing newcomers to view the series in one sitting. Thus, they get a large amount of promotion (and it’s why notable YouTube partners have started gaming channels).
As for PewDiePie? He managed to get international attention. I still think he’s horrid though.
So how does this effect Bores? Well, Bores is no longer promoted like he was in the old days. Taking his fairly short videos and combining them with the infrequency of uploads, it’s no wonder that his views have stagnated and his subscriber count has dropped hard or barely moved at all.
You can view MatPat’s video here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EgMqhEMhVV8
And now, onto the “news”.
Stories on July 20th 2013
Well what do you know, he does post on weekends. Interesting.
“Donkey Kong vs. MC Escher Stairs -- Chalk Stop Motion Video”
Just a video he thought was cool.
The only thing I found weird was one of the tags saying “Atari”. I know Donkey Kong was released on the 2600, the 7800 and Atari computers, but most people associate DK with Nintendo since it‘s a Nintendo IP, so there’s really no reason to put that tag there.
Other stories:
“2013 Comic Con SDCC -- Magic the Gathering 5 New Commander Sets this November”
Stories on July 22nd 2013
“2013 Comic Con -- LEGO MARVEL New Characters Announced: Stan Lee, Ice man, Howard the Duck?”
A game with playable Stan Lee. Fucking bought.
“Most of it concerning all the playable characters. But first lets address the obscure characters” Obscure huh? Let’s see what your idea of obscure is.
“Stan Lee. Wow that guy gets around. Even in video games.” … Did you seriously just call Stan Lee obscure? The man is a legend! He’s responsible for creating a vast majority of the Marvel Universe. So to call him “obscure” shows me you have no clue who he really is.
He brings up Howard the Duck, and is annoyed because he can only think of the movie rather than the comic. Ever consider that the comics are actually good? Didn’t think so…
After a lame joke about throwing Howard off a cliff, he brings up Squirrel Girl.
“Wow, that one is so obscure I’ve never even heard of her” You call yourself a comic book fan? Squirrel Girl is awesome. She beat Doctor Doom and Thanos! And the former was the real Doom, not a Doombot.
He lists off multiple characters in the game, ending on Agent Coulson
“Boy those Marvel movies made him a superstar.” No shit, that’s where he was introduced. Coulson was an original character created for the MCU, and like Harley Quinn in Batman and Livewire in Superman, he was later integrated into the comic books.
“2013 SDCC Comic Con -- Superman and Batman Crossover Movie Now a Reality! Summer 2015”
You see, this is why you need to post on weekends. Everyone has already heard about this.
“So weird this news was released, especially since I mentioned that I wish I would see something like this in my Man of Steel Review posted a day before the announcement. Glad they took my suggestion.” Don’t act like an egoistical prick because you predicted something would happen. Just about everyone thought something like this would happen considering the success of the MCU and everyone telling WB and DC that doing a Justice League movie right out of the gate is a bad idea!
“And since they are listening to me, give me a Green Lantern reboot and a Flash movie while your at it!” Green Lantern is never happening again. Deal with it.
“Hit the jump to check out my Superman Movie Review where my soothsaying skills are top notch!” Again, this is why nobody likes you, you’re acting like a dick.
“The Beatles -- Where are they Now? (Artists Rendition)”
I know where two of them are. Dead. The other two are still performing in their own ways.
Actually, this is another “cool picture I found” post. Apparently it’s from the 70’s or something… whatever.
“2013 Comic-Con: Avengers 2 Titled Avengers: Age of Ultron (Different Origin Story)”
I’m actually glad we’re getting Ultron next. Putting Thanos in the second movie would be blowing their load too early.
“At the Marvels Panel” Do you even care?
“Now I know of this guy through collecting Marvel figures,” I’m such a big comic book fan you guyz! I read a lot of them… except I never have.
“But since Ant man hasn’t been introduced yet, Joss Whedon has confirmed the origin story will be all new” Or he could be lying. It’s been confirmed Ant Man is the first movie of Phase 3, coming November 2015. It’s possible Avengers 2 will introduce Hank Pym, setting up the next movie.
“2013 Comic Con -- Magic the Gathering: From the Vault Twenty (Jace the Mind Sculptor!)”
More MTG… huzzah.
“Oy! The price of this has already jumped up $50.00 dollars and it hasn’t even been released yet! You punks!” You mean the rare and powerful cards are… expensive and in demand?! Le gasp! More and more you show us all that you don’t understand the basics of economics.
He brings up Jace the Mind Sculptor and has this to say.
“Somehow through my Obi wan ways I can hear many people praising this card and cursing Wizards of the Coast over this all at the same time.” Your Obi Wan ways? What? What does that mean? Do you mean The Force? Quit slipping in references that don’t match up.
Apparently Jace is a controversial MTG card. Can you explain how? No? Fine, leave us all in the dark.
Other stories:
“Superman Man of Steel Review & Justice League Movie Thoughts” (it’s his video)
“LEGO -- Back to the Future DeLorean Set *DROOL*”
“2013 Comic Con -- Magic the Gathering: Next Block: THEROS -- (Elspeth now Center Stage)”
Stories from July 23rd 2013
“Arcade ‘Netflix-esque’ Type Rental Service New Available”
Looking into “All You Can Arcade”, I can see a lot going wrong. Especially something going wrong in delivery, and paying $75 dollars a month is just not worth it.
“Might come in handy when I record History of Video Games Part 6 which I will be producing later this year.” Give it up Bores! That series is never going anywhere, and you’re a fool for thinking you’ll finish it. Also, why do you need Arcade cabinets? Didn’t you say you were covering the Atari 2600?
“There is one catch though, certain area’s only offer certain consoles. Where I live I was able to pull up hundreds of machines,(…)” That’s…. impossible. I looked up All You Can Arcade’s site and put in the two zip codes for Sandusky Ohio, and neither had any machines available. I put in my own zip code and I can’t get any either. It sounds like something that’s only available in the California Bay area right now.
“(…) but I’m sure out in WallaWalla, Washington, There will be no rousing games of ‘Mappy’ for you!” I also put in Walla Walla, Washington’s zip code and they aren’t available there either. Also, the site doesn’t have Mappy. Do your research.
“But it’s a joke!” Then maybe he shouldn’t say he has hundreds of choices available to him when he actually doesn’t!
“Oldest D-20 Spinner Die Found -- Ancient Romans Played D&D and Magic: the Gathering?”
No. No they didn’t.
Actually, this story is kind of interesting. It’s a multi-sided die that scientists have dated somewhere between 304 B.C.E. and 30 B.C.E. Of course, Bores ruins it with his dumb jokes.
“Imagine the level their warriors would be at today! Try and beat my level 354 wizard! I dare ya dungeon master!” Ugggggh. I’m pretty sure these die were used for something else, not fantasy role-playing games. Maybe games of chance that have been lost to the passage of time.
“Very cool, just wait till I find one made out of dinosaur bone!” About as likely as finding buried E.T. cartridges in a field in Ohio.
“Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle Movie Set Photos -- Ralphael in Disguise Pics”
Who the devil is Ralphael? Oooh you mean Raphael. See, this is why you should disable auto-correct on your iPad.
By the way, all these images are old. I saw them weeks ago.
“I guess this one might actually be turning out to be pretty good. Lets hope.” No. No it won’t. It’s going to be a train wreck. All hope is lost, and I don’t see how it can get better.
“2013 Comic Con -- New Ghostbusters Toys (Proton Wand, Ecto Goggles)”
“What practical application do these things have in actual application in the field? I have absolutely no fricken idea but they look great.” They’re toys. If you seriously thought about using them for your ghost hunting… never mind. If you’re asking about in-universe purposes, they both seem pretty obvious. One is the gun on a Proton Pack, the other lets you see ghosts.
“Much better than the 80's versions by a country mile.” For $110 and $130 dollars, they fucking better be higher quality than toys from the 80’s.
“Looks like the Ecto Goggles will be available this August only on the Matty Website.” I’m sorry, Matty? Did you seriously give a pet name to Mattel? Nobody else calls them that Bores.
“Activision Now Plans on Releasing 2 Ninja Turtles Video Games this Year”
Activision milking something, what a shock.
I find it weird that half of the article’s one paragraph is normal, but the other half is in italics. He’s not even quoting anybody.
“But only available on Xbox 360 and Wii only?? Damn you Playstation!!” Why are you cursing Playstation? It’s Activision’s fault the game isn’t going to be on PS3. Hell, I’m curious as to why the game is on Wii rather than Wii U. Are you going to curse Nintendo for that?
Other stories:
“X-Men: Days of Future Past -- Official Posters Revealed”
“Superman Movie Sequel Titled: Superman vs. Batman? David Goyer Reveals”
Stories on July 24th 2013
“Arkham Origins: Mad Hatter Now Confirmed as a Villain”
“He won’t be part of the “assassins” group because that would be as crazy as bringing in someone obscure as Copperhead.” Is he calling Mad Hatter obscure? Or is he saying that making him an assassin wouldn’t make sense? Hard to tell with him. Also, quit ragging on Copperhead, what did she ever do to you? Personally I would prefer if Hatter was one of the assassins, he’d have stages similar to the Scarecrow scenes from the first game.
“And hey, if you want to really mess with peoples minds, make it look exactly like that Tom Petty music video “Don’t Come Around Here” and let Tom Petty play the Mad Hatter again. That will ruffle some feathers!” … What? Barely connecting obscure reference much?
First of all, the song is called “Don’t Come Around Here No More”. Sorry, I’m a stickler for song titles (it’s Baba O’Riley, not Teenage Wasteland). Second, that music video is nowhere near the worst Mad Hatter related thing out there. I point you to Tim Burton’s Alice in Wonderland with break-dancing Johnny Depp. That’s torture. Third… seriously what?
“2013 SDCC -- Bryan Cranston Crashes Comic Con as himself?”
I saw this a couple days before this post. That mask dives deep into the uncanny valley.
He references Cranston’s roles on Seinfeld and Malcolm in the Middle for some reason, then says he hopes they don’t spoil the “sexy series finale” of Breaking Bad. Okay, I haven’t seen Breaking Bad yet, but from everything I’ve heard, “sexy” is not a word I would use to describe it. Brutal, gritty, dark, those are accurate words. Maybe Bores’ ideal Zelda game would involve Link and Tingle running a meth lab in the Deku Tree.
“Street Fighter II “Best of Church Edition” Smacking Around the Rightous!”
Pretty sure there’s a missing “e” in that headline.
This is another video he saw. It takes footage from various churches and adds Street Fighter sound effects to them. … Yeah.
“I’m so inspired I can’t wait till next Sunday so I can duke it out at my church!” I thought you were a Buddhist? *researches* There are Buddhist churches, but they’re a specific subset, and aren’t available in Ohio. There are temples all over though.
Maybe the “Alan” that sent him that was Alan Cicco?
“Pokemon Rumble U: Another Figure Game releasing August 29th”
What’s this? Bores covering something related to Pokemon? That’s a first. Oh of course it’s the one that allows figures… like Skylanders. Of all the games that would get his attention.
“Marvel Super Heroes LEGO: Howard the Duck Reveal”
“After pestering Warner Brothers repeatedly the last couple days for a picture of a Howard the Duck LEGO picture, I finally got one from their PR people.” You didn’t do that. They probably just sent it out to everyone. By chance that you did, why would you want to pester them about it? Didn’t you say it was dumb and you’d only use Howard to throw him off a cliff?
“This character will no doubt be locked up until you can perform some incredible feat.” Collecting 50,000 studs isn’t really that amazing a feat. Especially if you have a couple multipliers on.
“Can’t wait to see what his special power is. (Yeah i know, insert your own joke here)” Oh that’s easy. *clears throat* Howard the Duck will defeat his enemies with the power of biting satire and bizarre parody. Just like the comic books.
Other stories:
“You Moron! Dumpster Diver Makes Paper Mache Sculpture From $40,000 Comic Books”
“Designer of Madden NFL awarded $11 million in EA lawsuit”
Stories from July 25th 2013
“Game Of Thrones 40-Foot Dragon Skull Created to Promote Season 3”
Promote Season 3? Way to be late for that! It already happened, it started in March and ended in June.
Oh I see, it’s for a UK only streaming service. They must be doing well if they’re able to afford making this. Hey HBO, maybe you could prevent Game of Thrones from being the most pirated show every year if you gave people the option to watch it on Netflix or Hulu, rather than force them to subscribe to HBO no matter what.
“What’s better than finding a dragon skull?” A live dragon?
“How about finding a 40 foot dragon skull!” That’s not much different, it’s only bigger. Is this even a joke?
“Baggage claim will love me after I steal that sucker.” And we can add larceny to your list of “sarcastic crimes”. When will he learn jokes like that aren’t funny?
“LEGO: Marvel Super Heroes -- Characters Confirmed! Gambit, Beast, Punisher, Elektra, etc”
He says Warner Bros sent him these images. No they didn’t, they probably sent them to everyone and you found them off another site. Quit trying to sound special.
“If they keep this up, they’ll have nothing left for DLC” Good. Unless the DLC is extra levels, then it’s pointless cash-grabbing.
“Donkey Kong Doctor Who Level & Other Random Pop Culture Characters”
I thought I told you to stay away from Doctor Who media!
It’s another “cool pictures I found” post, basically an artist edited Donkey Kong to feature other media. Bores posted the ones with Doctor Who, Adventure Time, Star Wars, Indiana Jones, Nolan-verse Batman, and Alien.
He also wants someone to mod Donkey Kong to look like the Doctor Who picture. *sighs* Moving on…
“DC Comics --Flash Point Animated Movie on Sale Tuesday”
Ah yes, Flashpoint, the final major story before the New 52 reboot. That sure was worth it huh? *crickets*
“I cannot wait to see how this translates over to the tv medium.” TV? This is direct-to-DVD. If you’re thinking this is a pilot to a possible TV show, then you seem to have ignored the deluge of DC Animated movies coming out the last few years. Right now, all we’re getting on TV is Teen Titans Go and Beware the Batman. Nothing on the level of the DC Animated movies, or even the old DCAU.
Other stories:
“LEGO: Breaking Bad Video Game Spoof”
“Marvels Avengers 2 Movie News: Joss Whedon talks Scarlet Witch Costume”
“Super Mario 64 Video Game Mod -- Dad Creates Childlike Goombas For Son”
Stories from July 26th 2013
“The Homer Car: Company Actually Builds Replica”
I just want to mention that the picture used has a model dressed as Marge standing next to the car. This is why Simpsons cosplay just doesn’t work, it looks weird.
“Remember the Simpsons Episode were Homer designs a car for his brother Herb? Yeah it was Season 2, a very long time ago so I’ll forgive you just this one time in case you don’t” Considering most of your fans were born looooong after that episode first aired, it wouldn’t surprise me they wouldn’t know it. Hell, these were probably the same fans that said the Lady Gaga episode was “amazing and brilliant”.
Also, “…Episode were Homer…” Are you sure English is your first language?
“A Half-Scale Replica Of Vader’s TIE Fighter Finally Built”
“Is it time for the Star Wars Celebration in Europe already?” I checked and this is actually a thing. Stopped watch is right twice a day.
“Took them over 1,000 man hours and $20,000 to build. Not sure why they didn’t splurge with $40,000 and build a full sized one” Because that’s not how it works? It’s pretty damn big already going by the pictures.
“Very cool guys and an Irate hats off to you.” An Irate hats off? What? Are you a brand now or something? Or is this more of your belief that “if I add my name to something, that automatically makes it funny”?
Other stories:
“Ducktales Remastered Duckumenatry -- Wubba Duck, Flintheart Golmgold Revealed!”
“Batman Norman Rockwell Art -- Saturday Gotham Evening Post Covers”
“Skylanders -- Fryno Being Confirmed Next week?”
It’s Saturday, that means it’s time to post this.
Surprisingly, Bores seems to be laying off the horrid jokes. A little bit at least, there’s still lots of awful ones.
What horrid news will await next week? We’ll have to wait and see. I just wonder if Bores will upload something of substance soon.
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