Last week saw more stupid Skylanders, and Bores re-reviewing a game that didn’t need it in the first place. Apparently, “Linda” lost her mind when people pointed out that fact, and the fact he said “female girls”. Jeez Chris, just defend your dumb choices yourself, don’t use your mommy mask.
This week has quite a bit of stuff so this will be a long one.
Monday’s video was an update. Saying that the next History of Video Games will be out on “Wednesday or Thursday”. Spoiler alert, it came out Friday.
He also says that Summer is coming up and his girlfriend’s kids are out of school so there will likely be a new schedule of Tuesday and Friday. Yeah that three-days schedule didn’t last... I really hope he doesn’t include her kids in the videos, I don’t need extra levels of annoying.
Wednesday’s video was a review of a board game. Yep he’s doing that now.
I’m going to be honest, I barely watched it. I tried, but my god was it immensely boring. It also didn’t help that I don’t know anything about tabletop RPG games.
It’s a “review” of a 12 Realms by MAGE Factory. They (supposedly) sent him the game so he could promote their Kickstarter. Which he mentions in the description and video. Hold on Chris! What happened to “Kickstarter is only good for educational purposes”? I guess standards just go away once free shit is involved. Keep up that hypocrisy!
The only other thing I noticed in the bit I watched is the table he used was really wobbly and distracting. Did you get that table for five bucks at a garage sale?
My informant told me that other reviews of the game paint a pretty negative light. So it sounds like it’s not a good game either way.
We got a bonus Thursday video! Chris bragging that he managed to get the Marth and Ike amiibo from GameStop. He recorded the video in his car. I guess we can add “car videos” to the list of bandwagons he’s jumped on now. What next? He’ll finally figure out PC gaming and play Goat Simulator or Five Nights at Freddy’s?
You know, that annoys me. He has Marth and Ike, and I GUARANTEE that he has never touched a Fire Emblem game. Here I am, I don’t have either, but I bought Path of Radiance, I bought Radiant Dawn, I bought Awakening, hell I even bought Shadow Dragon and that game sucks! Nintendo, do a better job at restocking. Don’t send out two per store, then a few days later inform the public about it. Yeah, apparently these restocks went out earlier in the week, and Nintendo just informed their social media users today. That includes Meta Knight, and my local Best Buy didn’t even have a CLUE what I was talking about. Though I place THAT blame on Best Buy for being incompetent which is why they are dying! … What was I doing?
And now, we’ve got Friday’s video. After three months, History of Video Games Part 8 is out. It’s 7 minutes long and is only covering the Odyssey 2. Once again, he will never finish this.
No intro
0:04 - 0:58: Atari “lost” to Midway in the Arcades, Magnavox was working on the Odyssey 2.
IG lists what’s on the Odyssey 2. Blah blah blah… He notes the cartridges have handles, prompting him to… bite down on one and pick it up with his teeth. I’d say he better not repeat that same joke with the Gamecube, but by the time he reaches that he would need dentures.
“It even comes with an adapter box!” … Okay?
“Time to plug this in with style!” … How? He just plugs it in. What sense did that make? Was it supposed to be “Digital Style” then we do a Digital Dancing? This is not fun.
Then electricity comes from it. Well, fake electricity that he added.
0:59 - 1:18: His TV turns on and oh jeez he’s doing this crap again. It’s the HAL 9000. Granted, I figured he would be back since Bores is that uncreative.
Thankfully it’s short as IG “realizes” that the Odyssey is supposed to be on Channel 3 and he has his TV at Channel 4. With fake green text in the corner. He also claims the Odyssey 2 only works on Channel 3. Not true, both channels could work. It depends on where the signal is going.
By the way, his HAL impression has gotten worse.
1:19 - 2:03: He notes that the Odyssey 2 came with a free game that was actually three games in one. Speedway, Spin-Out, and Crypto-Logic. Though for some reason he pronounces the last one as “Cryptozoo-Logic”. Weird.
He starts on Speedway, explains the game (I swear he says “cars” like three times), gets run over a few times with fake sound effects and his terrible fake reactions. He gets tired of that and he puts on his “racing glasses” (they’re just sunglasses) and COMMENCE MONTAGE! We’re not even two minutes in! He speeds up the footage to make it look the game is going really fast while he himself is also going fast. He crashes and IG “flies” into the camera and falls over. Educational everyone!
Interesting to note though is that his Zelda poster doesn’t seem to be taped on the bottom as the wind from falling over causes it to fly up. Tsk tsk Chris, don’t you know that a secure poster is a happy poster?
2:04 - 2:30: Onto to Spin-Out, which he makes sure to mark on the cartridge with his patented Green Cir- er Rectangle of Obviousness. He briefly describes the game (it‘s another racing game), then we get a gag where he’s playing a turtle… I know that’s from a cartoon but I can’t tell which one.
EDIT: It's the turtle from Disney's Robin Hood. It's bad enough to reference that movie, but to reference such an obscure character from it? Who is that even trying to target? Thanks to you mariic2 for letting me know.
Then onto Crypto-Logic (again, pronouncing it wrong) and he claims it’s a “secret code” game and doesn’t quite understand how it works. I looked up the game and it’s like a combination of Jumble and Hangman. One player types up a secret code, and the second player has to solve it without making too many mistakes. Apparently Bores didn’t have a second player on hand to do this. Goody, more inaccurate information in this supposedly “educational” series.
He also adds some fake text saying “Access Denied” and “You Idiot”. Cut. That. Out. It’s not funny.
2:31 - 3:22: He moves onto the other launch titles. Starting out with a golf game.
He says it’s just as boring as the real thing, leading to a way too long segment where Kent Brockman (because fuck you I’m not using his actual name) and Ronnie commentate the game. Why?!
“Boy he’s going to be one irate golfer” Ugggggggh.
IG then implies the golf club looks like a dick. That’s nowhere close to his crotch, is your penis attached to your stomach Bores?
3:23 - 3:59: Next he plays “I’ve Got Your Number”, a bizarre looking math game. I looked up better gameplay footage and you need to fill in the question mark. So for the first part with “two circles = 2?”, one of the players has to grab the circle to fill in the question mark. Same with the sailboat one, one has to grab the sailboat.
He says they get more complex (not really, the one with the lines is 4 and the one with the triangles is 7). This leads to a gag where he makes an over-complicated problem. Bores, you should have researched how the game plays.
4:00 - 4:50: Next he looks at Quest for the Rings. He gets confused at the character selection screen. … Sounds like when DSP gets confused at difficulty settings. He tries to play but keeps dying (with fake “Game Over” text, stop with the fake text!). Thing is, Quest for the Rings actually came with a board game and was meant to be played with that. You can read a much more informative article about it here: http://www.hardcoregaming101.net/questfortherings/questfortherings.htm
He gives up and moves onto Keyboard Creations and sees that the “game” is just typing things on screen. Looking it up myself… yeah that’s pretty true. He wonders if people back then were really impressed. Leading to Bores dressed as… a hippie I guess? I don’t know, nothing about his outfit screams late 70’s.
4:51 - 5:36: He moves onto Armored Encounter. What about Sub Chase? I see that game on the cartridge as well.
It’s similar to Tank, leading him to say that many of the Odyssey 2 games are similar to Atari games.
“Blackjack” Yes, because we all know Atari created the game Blackjack. That’s just as flimsy as saying the AVGN is ripping off PewDiePie because he does Let’s Plays now.
“Speedway, Spin-Out” Aren’t those the first two Odyssey 2 games you showed us? How is that… never mind.
“Alien Invaders” Space Invaders isn’t an Atari game. You spent a chunk of the last video explaining that.
He goes over Alien Invaders, at least in how it differs from Space Invaders.
Killing all the aliens leads to restarting the game. “Not in my damn house” … Was that a reference to something? He just pulls out the cartridge afterwards…
The video ends with IG briefly mentioning other games “based on” popular games at the time. However, Magnavox couldn’t keep up and Atari “won”.
“In Part 9, Atari’s 1978 line-up” ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME? You’re dedicating an entire episode just to that?! WHY? That’s pointless! More and more he just proves to me that he is NEVER finishing this! Chris, give it up.
This was mostly boring. The gags were horrendous, did we really need that much time on your stupid newscaster character?
So much info was wrong too. He clearly didn’t bother to figure out the games or even do research. It’s like he just looks at Wikipedia and thinks that’s good enough for research. Despite his claim that “Wikipedia is inaccurate hur hur”.
But yeah, this is never getting done. Cut your losses Chris, it’s over.
Showing posts with label History of Video Games. Show all posts
Showing posts with label History of Video Games. Show all posts
Friday, May 15, 2015
Wednesday, January 23, 2013
Another DVD already? Pay Money for Inaccurate History! Plus, New Painful Fan Art
Here's a thought Bores, maybe you should clear out all the unwanted DVDs you have already before adding more and more of them? Maybe hold more contests giving them away for free since most of your fans would probably have to steal their parents credit cards to get them.
As you can probably tell from the title, he put out another DVD. History of Video Games "The Silver Age". *sighs* Chris, you realize that the Silver Age would refer to the third generation right? NES, Master System, Atari 7800. The Golden Age would refer to the era of the Atari 2600, Intellivison and so on. What your DVD covers is even older than the Golden Age, I wouldn't know what to refer to it as the Ages of Man start at Golden. Though knowing him, he probably got the name from comic books.
So calling the era of Pong, Computer Space and the Fairchild Channel F the Silver Age is horribly inaccurate. Unless he confused "predecessor" and "successor" again. This wouldn't surprise me.
So, what's on the DVD?
Parts 1-5 (which is six videos when you remember Part 2 is in two parts... unless he merged it for the DVD). A horrid value if you ask me.
A 15 minute documentary, I imagine it's the same thing that I recapped nearly two years ago. http://irategamersucks.blogspot.com/2011/03/historically-bad-making-of-or-interview.html
Bloopers because WACKY (it's been a long time since he's put out a blooper reel on YouTube, I wonder if it's still the same "stopping in the middle of a line" nonsense).
And deleted scenes, which I'm hoping were just stupid sketches and not actual history because leaving out history... boy what a hack.
I love how he advertises that it covers from 1961-1977, like that's a huge amount of time. Never mind that in the first video he went from '61 to '71. Sadly I'm sure someone will fall for this, like some Square-Enix fans fell for Final Fantasy: All the Bravest (look it up).
How much is Bores charging this time? Despite having less content than all his other DVDs, he prices it around the same, $15 dollars. Oh wait that's on sale, the regular price is $18 dollars. Double Fine's new game is out now, it's called The Cave, it's only $15 dollars on PSN, XBLA, Nintendo Network and PC. That is a better investment.
Hell, Wii U owners can get Balloon Fight for 30 cents right now. That's a better use of money.
You know, Bores has never capitalized on any of his possible catchphrases or characters. He never sold merch with them on it.
It's obvious Bores is doing all this for money, so where's the catchphrase shirts? The character shirts? Maybe a Wilson, I mean, Wilkins shirt, it's not like you'd get in trouble. ScrewAttack certainly didn't when they sold a shirt with Frog from Chrono Trigger on it and claimed it was a different character.
But no, just a generic ugly shirt with his logo on it.
Also, Bores updated his site to mention that his New Super Mario Bros. 2 review is out. Rather "The New Super Mario Bros 2". I'm beginning to think he's doing that on purpose just to annoy me.
That's all for now. I'm going to pour one out for THQ. They may have not been perfect, but Saints Row and Darksiders were all kinds of fun, and millions enjoyed their WWE titles.
EDIT: Oh look at that, a contest giving away the DVD. What a surprise.
In the video, he notes that he calls it the "Silver Age" because the "Golden Age" comes after it. You moron! That is not how that works! To put it another way, Golden Age comes first, Silver Age comes second, Bronze Age comes third. First, second, third place. How is that so hard?
He also added new fan art to his site. ... Joy. Hmmm, you know I think I can cover it here.
Oh man... Bores completely screwed the order now. He put his title cards in the fan art section now. Tell you what, I'll go by page number and picture to make things easier.
Page 4, Picture 10: Let's start off with a photoshop disaster. I hope you like shitty looking NES games. We get the cover, the back, and the cartridge.
The cover shows the title "The Irate Gamer Game". Say, remember that? How it got re-invented multiple times and never got anywhere outside of concept art? I suspect that those people were scam artists. The picture is Bores in front of fire, because his fans are just as unoriginal as he is.
The back cover contains a story description that I can barely read. It's tiny white text on a black background (already a bad sign) but it's also on top of Bores in a yellow shirt holding a Zapper. That's appealing.
Below the white text is yellow text describing what's in the game.
"Play as Chris Bores, Satan, Joey, and starting for the first time Ronnie" That last one sounds really awkward. Also, is it me or is the idea of playing as Satan really fucked up?
"Armed with a Zapper and a Game Genie to face the shit ahead" Did the artist not realize how stupid this sounded? If he has a Game Genie in the game, then the game is too fucking easy. I would think this was making fun of him if this wasn't so terrible.
"4 Megs of non-stop action featuring 26 levels of fuck" Each level is 5 minutes of Bores laughing at the fact you just bought this game.
The cartridge shows Mega Man sprite Bores in front of fire, and the game is just "The Irate Gamer". It also breaks the rules of NES cover art by having a cartridge that doesn't match with the box. As soon as I say this, I know my readers are going to point out games that don't have a matching cartridge label and box.
Page 4, Picture 11: ... Well, this is different. I know I've made fun of Bores' weight before, and I apologize for that, it was out of line. There's waaaay fatter people out there. However, I didn't think I would see this picture come to be.
What we have is an overly obese Irate Gamer, with a word balloon saying "Face it, candy is ruined!" The screwed-up side of deviantArt is leaking onto the site... besides Karbia.
One thing I can give it is that shows some effort, as in someone took time to actually draw an extremely fat Irate Gamer. ... This isn't fan art is it? I think the use of "x is ruined" gave that away.
Page 4, Picture 12: Chris, what have I said about putting vomit-inducing images on the site? This is unacceptable!
More shitty sprite work, more MS paint, you need to show some standards!
The picture shows IG holding two dildos (that's what they look like, I'm sorry) firing what looks like a lime-strawberry milkshake at the Pixel Demon. Other characters are firing stuff too, including Fire Flower Mario, Simon Belmont with a flame whip, Super Sonic, Dig Dug, and Bill Rizer & Mega Man standing on the body of a brown cow. What hurts it is the background, I think it's meant to be lava.
... Here's a drinking game for you. When browsing through his fan art, take a drink every time you see a picture with a fire background, or something similar to fire.
Page 4, Picture 13: Paper Bores? It looks like paper cut-outs (even though it's not) as Bores is holding up a Shy Guy while standing in front of another one. A tribute to Super Mario Bros. 2. Not really too much to say about this one.
Page 4, Picture 14: Are you tired of Mega Man sprites? TOO BAD! Here's another one. But this time it's Haunted Investigators related. ... Someone actually made Haunted Investigators fan art. This is Johnny Awesome again isn't it? The sprite work is really bad, way worse than what Karbia does.
In fact, I'm pretty sure that's Karbia's IG sprite. The other is Alan and wow I just... I've seen enough.
I know people are asking about the next Redux Recap. It all depends on what Bores does next, and I also don't like doing too many posts at once. I did that years ago and the quality suffered. Be patient.
As you can probably tell from the title, he put out another DVD. History of Video Games "The Silver Age". *sighs* Chris, you realize that the Silver Age would refer to the third generation right? NES, Master System, Atari 7800. The Golden Age would refer to the era of the Atari 2600, Intellivison and so on. What your DVD covers is even older than the Golden Age, I wouldn't know what to refer to it as the Ages of Man start at Golden. Though knowing him, he probably got the name from comic books.
So calling the era of Pong, Computer Space and the Fairchild Channel F the Silver Age is horribly inaccurate. Unless he confused "predecessor" and "successor" again. This wouldn't surprise me.
So, what's on the DVD?
Parts 1-5 (which is six videos when you remember Part 2 is in two parts... unless he merged it for the DVD). A horrid value if you ask me.
A 15 minute documentary, I imagine it's the same thing that I recapped nearly two years ago. http://irategamersucks.blogspot.com/2011/03/historically-bad-making-of-or-interview.html
Bloopers because WACKY (it's been a long time since he's put out a blooper reel on YouTube, I wonder if it's still the same "stopping in the middle of a line" nonsense).
And deleted scenes, which I'm hoping were just stupid sketches and not actual history because leaving out history... boy what a hack.
I love how he advertises that it covers from 1961-1977, like that's a huge amount of time. Never mind that in the first video he went from '61 to '71. Sadly I'm sure someone will fall for this, like some Square-Enix fans fell for Final Fantasy: All the Bravest (look it up).
How much is Bores charging this time? Despite having less content than all his other DVDs, he prices it around the same, $15 dollars. Oh wait that's on sale, the regular price is $18 dollars. Double Fine's new game is out now, it's called The Cave, it's only $15 dollars on PSN, XBLA, Nintendo Network and PC. That is a better investment.
Hell, Wii U owners can get Balloon Fight for 30 cents right now. That's a better use of money.
You know, Bores has never capitalized on any of his possible catchphrases or characters. He never sold merch with them on it.
It's obvious Bores is doing all this for money, so where's the catchphrase shirts? The character shirts? Maybe a Wilson, I mean, Wilkins shirt, it's not like you'd get in trouble. ScrewAttack certainly didn't when they sold a shirt with Frog from Chrono Trigger on it and claimed it was a different character.
But no, just a generic ugly shirt with his logo on it.
Also, Bores updated his site to mention that his New Super Mario Bros. 2 review is out. Rather "The New Super Mario Bros 2". I'm beginning to think he's doing that on purpose just to annoy me.
That's all for now. I'm going to pour one out for THQ. They may have not been perfect, but Saints Row and Darksiders were all kinds of fun, and millions enjoyed their WWE titles.
EDIT: Oh look at that, a contest giving away the DVD. What a surprise.
In the video, he notes that he calls it the "Silver Age" because the "Golden Age" comes after it. You moron! That is not how that works! To put it another way, Golden Age comes first, Silver Age comes second, Bronze Age comes third. First, second, third place. How is that so hard?
He also added new fan art to his site. ... Joy. Hmmm, you know I think I can cover it here.
Oh man... Bores completely screwed the order now. He put his title cards in the fan art section now. Tell you what, I'll go by page number and picture to make things easier.
Page 4, Picture 10: Let's start off with a photoshop disaster. I hope you like shitty looking NES games. We get the cover, the back, and the cartridge.
The cover shows the title "The Irate Gamer Game". Say, remember that? How it got re-invented multiple times and never got anywhere outside of concept art? I suspect that those people were scam artists. The picture is Bores in front of fire, because his fans are just as unoriginal as he is.
The back cover contains a story description that I can barely read. It's tiny white text on a black background (already a bad sign) but it's also on top of Bores in a yellow shirt holding a Zapper. That's appealing.
Below the white text is yellow text describing what's in the game.
"Play as Chris Bores, Satan, Joey, and starting for the first time Ronnie" That last one sounds really awkward. Also, is it me or is the idea of playing as Satan really fucked up?
"Armed with a Zapper and a Game Genie to face the shit ahead" Did the artist not realize how stupid this sounded? If he has a Game Genie in the game, then the game is too fucking easy. I would think this was making fun of him if this wasn't so terrible.
"4 Megs of non-stop action featuring 26 levels of fuck" Each level is 5 minutes of Bores laughing at the fact you just bought this game.
The cartridge shows Mega Man sprite Bores in front of fire, and the game is just "The Irate Gamer". It also breaks the rules of NES cover art by having a cartridge that doesn't match with the box. As soon as I say this, I know my readers are going to point out games that don't have a matching cartridge label and box.
Page 4, Picture 11: ... Well, this is different. I know I've made fun of Bores' weight before, and I apologize for that, it was out of line. There's waaaay fatter people out there. However, I didn't think I would see this picture come to be.
What we have is an overly obese Irate Gamer, with a word balloon saying "Face it, candy is ruined!" The screwed-up side of deviantArt is leaking onto the site... besides Karbia.
One thing I can give it is that shows some effort, as in someone took time to actually draw an extremely fat Irate Gamer. ... This isn't fan art is it? I think the use of "x is ruined" gave that away.
Page 4, Picture 12: Chris, what have I said about putting vomit-inducing images on the site? This is unacceptable!
More shitty sprite work, more MS paint, you need to show some standards!
The picture shows IG holding two dildos (that's what they look like, I'm sorry) firing what looks like a lime-strawberry milkshake at the Pixel Demon. Other characters are firing stuff too, including Fire Flower Mario, Simon Belmont with a flame whip, Super Sonic, Dig Dug, and Bill Rizer & Mega Man standing on the body of a brown cow. What hurts it is the background, I think it's meant to be lava.
... Here's a drinking game for you. When browsing through his fan art, take a drink every time you see a picture with a fire background, or something similar to fire.
Page 4, Picture 13: Paper Bores? It looks like paper cut-outs (even though it's not) as Bores is holding up a Shy Guy while standing in front of another one. A tribute to Super Mario Bros. 2. Not really too much to say about this one.
Page 4, Picture 14: Are you tired of Mega Man sprites? TOO BAD! Here's another one. But this time it's Haunted Investigators related. ... Someone actually made Haunted Investigators fan art. This is Johnny Awesome again isn't it? The sprite work is really bad, way worse than what Karbia does.
In fact, I'm pretty sure that's Karbia's IG sprite. The other is Alan and wow I just... I've seen enough.
I know people are asking about the next Redux Recap. It all depends on what Bores does next, and I also don't like doing too many posts at once. I did that years ago and the quality suffered. Be patient.
Friday, January 11, 2013
Attempted Storyline Analysis + The Last Polishing
2013! This will be one fine year! What does Bores have to start this year off?
*History of Video Games 3 HD revision*
… So much for this year being good.
*watches* Okay, there’s really not that much to say about this one. It’s slightly shorter than the original, but it’s also very similar.
Here’s a couple of positives. He actually got Al Alcorn’s name right, I don’t know about the pronunciation but at least he didn’t call him “Acorn” this time. He removed that pointless Irate Gamer water mark he put over his “exclusive” footage, probably out of humiliation after Mike Matei favorited videos of said games. Last thing is that the explosion during the Gran Trak 10 segment looked more like a video game explosion and it wasn’t the traditional Bores-boom.
But there was still a large number of problems. He still claims nobody can confirm Bushnell saw the Odyssey, even though Bushnell himself confirmed it (here‘s more confirmation: http://www.pong-story.com/odyssey.htm). He still uses footage from CNBC’s “Game On: The Unauthorized History of Video Games”. He still says some of the games suck, notably Gotcha and Rebound. He still makes perverted jokes about Gotcha’s original controls and the ad for it. In the latter, he even adds a line (“I’ll just save this for later”) and instead of looking suspicious, he looks smug. Gross. I’m still trying to decide if this is explaining the joke.
There’s still awful editing in the Gran Trak 10 segment (green screen, then real arcade, then green screen again). He also misspells Gran Trak 10 in the video’s title, calling it “Gran Tran 10”. Here’s a screenshot in case he edits it later.
He also added a couple of cutaways, like somehow knocking over an Arcade machine like it’s a mini-statue, or pretending to be an Army general while playing Tank. This last one is especially painful.
Well, this was a disappointing start. But I can’t leave you all hanging like this. Hmmmm. I’ve got it! Let’s talk about his storyline.
A couple months ago, Bores announced in his 300th video *cough* that he only had 1 or 2 episodes left until his storyline wraps up, and he’ll return to videos similar to the ones he made before. More train wrecks like Aladdin? Perhaps.
When asked about making a movie (just like the AVGN is doing now), Bores would point to these recent videos and say “String it together and you have my movie.” I’m going to go over why this doesn’t make sense.
Bores also claimed that this storyline was a “reboot” of his show. However, Bores has the same grasp of what a reboot is as Tim Buckley. Same awful jokes, same lazy reviews, same cheating, and worst of all, references to past videos. If it’s supposed to be a reboot? Why bring up past events?
That’s another one of the biggest issues with his storyline, continuity is all over the place.
First, I’m going to try my best to summarize what has happened so far. Not an easy feat.
The story starts with the Evil Gamer revealing that he’s nothing more than a lowly right-hand man to a bigger villain, the Shadow Overlord! Or Shadow Lord, Bores seems to switch between the two without reason. This all-powerful evil… is just Bores in Shadowrama, distorting a bad Arnold Schwarzenegger impression. Pretty fucking weak.
Their plan involves an artifact that will free Shadow Bores from his prison and when he’s free he’ll take over the world. You know the joke…
Their sole obstacle is the Irate Gamer, and Evil Gamer’s “mindless trolls” are useless. That’s right kids, don’t blame the trolls you get on incompetence or people just being dicks, blame it on your fictional evil twin. It’s therapeutic!
Then EG explains their next plan of stealing IG’s super special awesome Magnavox Odyssey, because “show don’t tell” is for losers.
Following that “intimidating” intro, it cuts to IG at his home, revealing Goro from Mortal Kombat is his next door neighbor for some reason. Trying to establish that IG lives in an apartment building, despite all exterior shots being of a ranch style home. Maybe it’s a TARDIS? Fuck me I hope that’s not a plot point in the future… IG decides to play 7-Up games.
Then hijinx ensue as EG tries to steal the Odyssey from him. First he tries to give away “free” pizzas in exchange for the Odyssey, or rather “for anyone who has a Magnavox Odyssey”. As the Third Rate Gamer puts it “I’m giving them away in exchange for people!” Come back TRG.
IG sees through his disguise and that fails. So EG dresses up like Doctor Bores-sano and tells him someone is giving out free Xbox 360s outside. Despite being a PS3 fanboy, IG falls for it, giving EG ample time to steal it. IG goes out to his green screen world and talks to his neighbor Wilkins, who is obviously supposed to be Wilson from Home Improvement but Bores changed his name to “make him an original character”. Basically, the same logic as a Sonic fanboy on deviantArt. Realizing there aren’t any Xboxes, he tries to head in but finds the Tanooki Suit from Super Mario Bros 3, and instead of putting him in a full body raccoon costume, it immediately turns him into the stone statue. Not how that works. So EG manages to get away, but IG doesn’t seem to care as by the next video he has a new Odyssey on his shelf (or he’s absolutely shit at keeping continuity).
Then Kool-Aid Man shows up for no reason. As IG nears the end of Cool Spot, Wise Sage also shows up but doesn’t get any lines. IG sends in the ending image to 7-Up to get his prize (even though that contest probably ran out years ago) and his reward is even more copies of Cool Spot, ending Part 1.
But before that, at stupid villain’s lair, EG hooks up the Odyssey and it transfers stuff into a robot body. The HAL 9000 is now a robot, and waaaay less of a threat than he was in the actual movie. Also, does this mean History of Video Games is just as much a part of the regular show, or is it a separate series? Makes no sense.
Part 2 opens showing that the Odyssey can make more than one HAL-bot. The one from the last video has a red eye and is called R.E.D. while the other HAL-bots have a purple eye. Either way, it’s still Bores in a full-body suit. Now there’s an army of them, and a plan is about to happen.
After somehow seeing a repeat of a soap opera (not sure how that happens) with Ronnie the Skeleton (urgh), IG decides to play RoboCop. That’s when Tony and the Wise Sage show up, and we learn Tony is a complete sociopath, saying he‘s going to beat the crap out of his neighbor just for playing loud music. This is a character we’re supposed to like!
Then we learn IG, Wise Sage and Tony all went to high school together, Tony was a sociopath back then, and Wise Sage died from a bad cough or something. It’s not funny.
During the review, something shoots at IG. It’s R.O.B. the robot, now rebuilt after being destroyed. Despite being a reboot, that event still happened. Tony explains he rebuilt it and made it good, though he doesn’t explain why it shot at him or Wise Sage, who probably wouldn’t feel it because he’s dead. Argh, nothing makes sense!
To prove its loyalty, R.O.B. kills an invading ED-209 that appears out of nowhere. Then somehow kills it in the game, because logic is dead.
Then Tony and Wise Sage run in and tell IG to turn on the TV. A HAL-bot invasion is happening in their city, and I’m starting to see why IG couldn’t see through EG’s disguise earlier, everyone in the city looks exactly like Chris Bores but with different hair styles. How very vain.
Seeing this “horrible carnage”, IG sends R.O.B. to take care of it while he sits on his ass and plays more RoboCop games in Part 3
Part 3 shows R.O.B. roll into the city and easily destroys the HAL-bots without a hint of resistance. It’s like their programmed to easy mode. Oh and he saves Little Cousin Joey, no idea why he’s here.
IG and Wise Sage wonder if something happened to R.O.B., pretending that an ARMY OF ROBOTS is not a big deal. It’s also Wise Sage’s last scene, he hasn’t appeared in over a year.
R.O.B. returns home and Evil Gamer yells at him for destroying his army, and demands he come back to be re-programmed. Oh right, that was a plot point too, before the “reboot”. See what I mean?
R.O.B. just shoots him, and somehow doesn’t kill him. It blows up robots, but merely singes humans like a Looney Tunes cartoon. We also get a pay-off to IG getting all those copies of Cool Spot, a sign saying that he’s selling them. … LAME!
Part 4 has IG somehow playing the Arcade Dig Dug on Atari when he gets a visitor. It’s a monk, he claims to have traveled many miles to give him the “Sword of Inferno”. Of course, a free magical sword means he must review a He-Man and the Masters of the Universe game. What a bizarre shift in genre.
When he starts sucking at it, he holds aloft the sword, says “By the Power of Inferno, I have the power!” and his shirt goes from blue to red. … ULTRA LAME!
This somehow improves his skill, oh and R.O.B. becomes “Battle Bot”, like Battle Cat only with zero changes to its look.
Meanwhile, the monk returns to his… I think temple, and reports to the elder. The elder proclaims that only the Irate Gamer, the Chosen One, can defeat the Shadow Overlord. … So yeah, he’s the chosen one now. Oh look at that, my hand is through a wall.
Part 5 starts with a news report about the robot invasion in Part 3, showing that Bores didn’t forget about it. The stupidly named reporter (Johnny Newscaster) interviews various characters, including EG, Tony and Devil Bores. Somehow, it doesn’t cross his mind to trace EG and call the police. Maybe the police don’t exist in the Irate Gamer world.
IG doesn’t care for the interview and looks at Silver Surfer instead. When the game gets too hard, he uses his Game Genie, which has an actual genie. It’s obviously meant to be a connection to the Aladdin review (again, reboot) as the Genie there went inside his NES Game Genie. Only now, he’s played by Bores. I wish I could get in contact with Brad Harp, ask him about the Aladdin review. It was almost four years ago, he probably doesn’t remember.
After an awful explanation that hurts my inner-Doctor Who fan, the Genie gives him infinite lives. Bores doesn’t realize that he can also be invincible with an in-game cheat. You’d think if he looked up Game Genie codes…
He reaches the final level and a message appears warning him of the Pixel Demon. Apparently, the Genie and R.O.B. (who is in this video for no reason) know about it and run in fear. Then the monk from the last video appears and explains the Pixel Demon was locked in Silver Surfer because of its impossible difficulty. Like I’ve said, awful creepypasta.
The monk tells IG that he can use his Power of Inferno to stop him. How will the sword help? It doesn’t, turns out he doesn’t need the sword at all as he can use the power to summon surfboards out of thin air. What?
We also see the Pixel Demon, it’s a green toad-looking thing that’s not even made of pixels. IG uses the surfboard to go in the game and confront the Pixel Demon. He easily defeats it with a single Bob-Omb. … FUCKING LAME!
Oh but the Pixel Demon survives and hops out of the TV. It’s fucking tiny, what can it do in the real world?
Part 6 has EG tell Shadow Something that their plan is ready. His first appearance since Part 1 (such a great villain)
IG on a comic book kick (THREE MONTHS LATER) and he decides to review X-Men on NES.
Then the six X-Men from the game show up. Wolverine, Colossus, Cyclops, Nightcrawler, Iceman, and Storm.
After insulting Wolverine, he walks up and says “I resemble that remark”. I don’t think that joke works here, it should be something like “You’re a disgusting pig!” “No I’m not *belches*” or “Your grammar is atrocious!” “No it aren’t!”
He swats Wolverine like he’s nothing, reducing the rest of the X-Men to pathetic wimps, and slaves. Our hero!
Colossus and Storm leave, Nightcrawler teleports away when IG breaks physics to throw a controller at him, Cyclops is killed by IG’s Power of Inferno (no, not the sword, ANOTHER new power) and Iceman is shattered. So, IG is the bad guy? This doesn’t make sense.
Then we see EG’s new plan, a giant HAL-bot! … I sadly know where this is headed.
That’s where the story ends for now.
Did any of that make sense?
Let’s go over various issues I’ve noticed.
Holy crap is it trite. How many damn clichés are there? Evil twin, big shadowy villain, army of minions, CHOSEN ONE, robot sidekick, best friend that looks different (Wise Sage and Tony), magical sword, magical powers, villain wanting to take over the world, and so on. Did he write this when he was ten and didn’t change anything about it now that he’s well past 30?
The characters are either horrible people or have zero personality. Tony is a sociopath that assaults people for petty reasons, Wise Sage is just there, Devil Bores is a moron, R.O.B. is nothing (not even sarcastic or robotic like other shows) and the Irate Gamer himself is a horrid monster that abuses his powers and never gets what’s coming to him. He’s far too strong and yet somehow we’re supposed to root for him. Somehow, he’s the hero!
We know nothing about the villains, outside of “they’re evil… grrr”. None of the characters have developed outside their single dimension. Look, I know it’s silly to overanalyze the characters in a dumb review show, but if Bores wants us to take it seriously, then that’s exactly what I’m going to do.
What direction is this going? Part one is wacky hijinx to get the Odyssey, parts two and three are about a robot army that’s defeated way too easily, part four is suddenly about a magic sword, part five introduces a new villain out of nowhere despite the old ones still out there, and part six shows those old villains with no reference of the new one.
Bores has said multiple times that “stringing this together will make his movie”. THIS ISN’T HOW MOVIES WORK! Movies need to be consistent, a beginning, a middle, and an end. If you want to do something different, you can reverse the order or change it up like Memento or Pulp Fiction. Yet what feels like a climax takes place 30 minutes in, and now you’re on something else. It would be like an action film that got bored in the first act and decided to resolve itself and become a satire about the media.
And then there’s the questions. Oh god, so many questions. Nothing makes sense!
Why is Goro living in Ohio? Why does IG’s apartment building look like a house? How did HAL get in the Odyssey? How can the Odyssey produce multiple HAL-bots? Why are their bodies so shitty that they can be blown up easily? What did Wise Sage have that killed him? How come R.O.B.’s eye beams can blow up robots but only singe humans like a cartoon? Why does Evil Gamer exist? How is Irate Gamer the chosen one? How can IG access his powers if he doesn’t have the sword? What’s the point of the sword? How did everyone already know about the Pixel Demon? Why didn’t they choose a game that technically has no ending to trap it? How can IG summon surfboards? Why is he called the Pixel Demon when he’s not actually made of pixels? How come nobody traced the Evil Gamer’s location during the news broadcast? Where are the cops? What kind of world is this where almost everyone looks the same? WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON?! GAAAAAAAAAAA-
*wakes up* In conclusion, Bores can’t write for beans. Nothing makes sense, and if he thinks this is how a movie works, then his claimed education was a waste.
I’ll revisit this whenever his storyline does finish up. Sure, he said 1 or 2 more, but that could take ages.
Before I go, I want to fulfill the fan’s request. The Y2B Productions wedding video ad. Seems the internet has come across a page on “wedplan.net” with an for a certain Sandusky based video maker. http://www.wedplan.net/pages/9621/
There used to be text there, but it’s gone now. However, skyrunner14 managed to get a screencap before (I assume) Bores took it down.
The fact he did wedding videos was already brought up in his biography (which I combed through here: http://irategamersucks.blogspot.com/2012/01/egotism-continues-in-chris-bores.html). Here’s what’s interesting, the other videographer ads on the site show samples of their work. Y2B Productions doesn’t have that. Other ads mention a price range with stated numbers, the screenshot up there only mentions “low prices”. Not a very good advertisement Bores, it’s no wonder you moved onto ghost hunting.
I’m beat, catch you all whenever.
EDIT: New update from his site. Dated 1/15/2013
Welcome to another year, the sixth for the irategamer! Make sure you check out the HD version of History of video games part 3. Contains a few extra cutscenes that I found humorous. Every episode on History of Video games is now in HD. Expect a DVD release very soon. Still working on the bonus features. Plus more irate goodness on the way very soon!
DVD? For something that hasn't even hit the Atari 2600? Jeez, he's deluding himself hard.
Also, he better not use that John Williams and Ennio Morricone music, otherwise he can get sued.
*History of Video Games 3 HD revision*
… So much for this year being good.
*watches* Okay, there’s really not that much to say about this one. It’s slightly shorter than the original, but it’s also very similar.
Here’s a couple of positives. He actually got Al Alcorn’s name right, I don’t know about the pronunciation but at least he didn’t call him “Acorn” this time. He removed that pointless Irate Gamer water mark he put over his “exclusive” footage, probably out of humiliation after Mike Matei favorited videos of said games. Last thing is that the explosion during the Gran Trak 10 segment looked more like a video game explosion and it wasn’t the traditional Bores-boom.
But there was still a large number of problems. He still claims nobody can confirm Bushnell saw the Odyssey, even though Bushnell himself confirmed it (here‘s more confirmation: http://www.pong-story.com/odyssey.htm). He still uses footage from CNBC’s “Game On: The Unauthorized History of Video Games”. He still says some of the games suck, notably Gotcha and Rebound. He still makes perverted jokes about Gotcha’s original controls and the ad for it. In the latter, he even adds a line (“I’ll just save this for later”) and instead of looking suspicious, he looks smug. Gross. I’m still trying to decide if this is explaining the joke.
There’s still awful editing in the Gran Trak 10 segment (green screen, then real arcade, then green screen again). He also misspells Gran Trak 10 in the video’s title, calling it “Gran Tran 10”. Here’s a screenshot in case he edits it later.
He also added a couple of cutaways, like somehow knocking over an Arcade machine like it’s a mini-statue, or pretending to be an Army general while playing Tank. This last one is especially painful.
Well, this was a disappointing start. But I can’t leave you all hanging like this. Hmmmm. I’ve got it! Let’s talk about his storyline.
A couple months ago, Bores announced in his 300th video *cough* that he only had 1 or 2 episodes left until his storyline wraps up, and he’ll return to videos similar to the ones he made before. More train wrecks like Aladdin? Perhaps.
When asked about making a movie (just like the AVGN is doing now), Bores would point to these recent videos and say “String it together and you have my movie.” I’m going to go over why this doesn’t make sense.
Bores also claimed that this storyline was a “reboot” of his show. However, Bores has the same grasp of what a reboot is as Tim Buckley. Same awful jokes, same lazy reviews, same cheating, and worst of all, references to past videos. If it’s supposed to be a reboot? Why bring up past events?
That’s another one of the biggest issues with his storyline, continuity is all over the place.
First, I’m going to try my best to summarize what has happened so far. Not an easy feat.
The story starts with the Evil Gamer revealing that he’s nothing more than a lowly right-hand man to a bigger villain, the Shadow Overlord! Or Shadow Lord, Bores seems to switch between the two without reason. This all-powerful evil… is just Bores in Shadowrama, distorting a bad Arnold Schwarzenegger impression. Pretty fucking weak.
Their plan involves an artifact that will free Shadow Bores from his prison and when he’s free he’ll take over the world. You know the joke…
Their sole obstacle is the Irate Gamer, and Evil Gamer’s “mindless trolls” are useless. That’s right kids, don’t blame the trolls you get on incompetence or people just being dicks, blame it on your fictional evil twin. It’s therapeutic!
Then EG explains their next plan of stealing IG’s super special awesome Magnavox Odyssey, because “show don’t tell” is for losers.
Following that “intimidating” intro, it cuts to IG at his home, revealing Goro from Mortal Kombat is his next door neighbor for some reason. Trying to establish that IG lives in an apartment building, despite all exterior shots being of a ranch style home. Maybe it’s a TARDIS? Fuck me I hope that’s not a plot point in the future… IG decides to play 7-Up games.
Then hijinx ensue as EG tries to steal the Odyssey from him. First he tries to give away “free” pizzas in exchange for the Odyssey, or rather “for anyone who has a Magnavox Odyssey”. As the Third Rate Gamer puts it “I’m giving them away in exchange for people!” Come back TRG.
IG sees through his disguise and that fails. So EG dresses up like Doctor Bores-sano and tells him someone is giving out free Xbox 360s outside. Despite being a PS3 fanboy, IG falls for it, giving EG ample time to steal it. IG goes out to his green screen world and talks to his neighbor Wilkins, who is obviously supposed to be Wilson from Home Improvement but Bores changed his name to “make him an original character”. Basically, the same logic as a Sonic fanboy on deviantArt. Realizing there aren’t any Xboxes, he tries to head in but finds the Tanooki Suit from Super Mario Bros 3, and instead of putting him in a full body raccoon costume, it immediately turns him into the stone statue. Not how that works. So EG manages to get away, but IG doesn’t seem to care as by the next video he has a new Odyssey on his shelf (or he’s absolutely shit at keeping continuity).
Then Kool-Aid Man shows up for no reason. As IG nears the end of Cool Spot, Wise Sage also shows up but doesn’t get any lines. IG sends in the ending image to 7-Up to get his prize (even though that contest probably ran out years ago) and his reward is even more copies of Cool Spot, ending Part 1.
But before that, at stupid villain’s lair, EG hooks up the Odyssey and it transfers stuff into a robot body. The HAL 9000 is now a robot, and waaaay less of a threat than he was in the actual movie. Also, does this mean History of Video Games is just as much a part of the regular show, or is it a separate series? Makes no sense.
Part 2 opens showing that the Odyssey can make more than one HAL-bot. The one from the last video has a red eye and is called R.E.D. while the other HAL-bots have a purple eye. Either way, it’s still Bores in a full-body suit. Now there’s an army of them, and a plan is about to happen.
After somehow seeing a repeat of a soap opera (not sure how that happens) with Ronnie the Skeleton (urgh), IG decides to play RoboCop. That’s when Tony and the Wise Sage show up, and we learn Tony is a complete sociopath, saying he‘s going to beat the crap out of his neighbor just for playing loud music. This is a character we’re supposed to like!
Then we learn IG, Wise Sage and Tony all went to high school together, Tony was a sociopath back then, and Wise Sage died from a bad cough or something. It’s not funny.
During the review, something shoots at IG. It’s R.O.B. the robot, now rebuilt after being destroyed. Despite being a reboot, that event still happened. Tony explains he rebuilt it and made it good, though he doesn’t explain why it shot at him or Wise Sage, who probably wouldn’t feel it because he’s dead. Argh, nothing makes sense!
To prove its loyalty, R.O.B. kills an invading ED-209 that appears out of nowhere. Then somehow kills it in the game, because logic is dead.
Then Tony and Wise Sage run in and tell IG to turn on the TV. A HAL-bot invasion is happening in their city, and I’m starting to see why IG couldn’t see through EG’s disguise earlier, everyone in the city looks exactly like Chris Bores but with different hair styles. How very vain.
Seeing this “horrible carnage”, IG sends R.O.B. to take care of it while he sits on his ass and plays more RoboCop games in Part 3
Part 3 shows R.O.B. roll into the city and easily destroys the HAL-bots without a hint of resistance. It’s like their programmed to easy mode. Oh and he saves Little Cousin Joey, no idea why he’s here.
IG and Wise Sage wonder if something happened to R.O.B., pretending that an ARMY OF ROBOTS is not a big deal. It’s also Wise Sage’s last scene, he hasn’t appeared in over a year.
R.O.B. returns home and Evil Gamer yells at him for destroying his army, and demands he come back to be re-programmed. Oh right, that was a plot point too, before the “reboot”. See what I mean?
R.O.B. just shoots him, and somehow doesn’t kill him. It blows up robots, but merely singes humans like a Looney Tunes cartoon. We also get a pay-off to IG getting all those copies of Cool Spot, a sign saying that he’s selling them. … LAME!
Part 4 has IG somehow playing the Arcade Dig Dug on Atari when he gets a visitor. It’s a monk, he claims to have traveled many miles to give him the “Sword of Inferno”. Of course, a free magical sword means he must review a He-Man and the Masters of the Universe game. What a bizarre shift in genre.
When he starts sucking at it, he holds aloft the sword, says “By the Power of Inferno, I have the power!” and his shirt goes from blue to red. … ULTRA LAME!
This somehow improves his skill, oh and R.O.B. becomes “Battle Bot”, like Battle Cat only with zero changes to its look.
Meanwhile, the monk returns to his… I think temple, and reports to the elder. The elder proclaims that only the Irate Gamer, the Chosen One, can defeat the Shadow Overlord. … So yeah, he’s the chosen one now. Oh look at that, my hand is through a wall.
Part 5 starts with a news report about the robot invasion in Part 3, showing that Bores didn’t forget about it. The stupidly named reporter (Johnny Newscaster) interviews various characters, including EG, Tony and Devil Bores. Somehow, it doesn’t cross his mind to trace EG and call the police. Maybe the police don’t exist in the Irate Gamer world.
IG doesn’t care for the interview and looks at Silver Surfer instead. When the game gets too hard, he uses his Game Genie, which has an actual genie. It’s obviously meant to be a connection to the Aladdin review (again, reboot) as the Genie there went inside his NES Game Genie. Only now, he’s played by Bores. I wish I could get in contact with Brad Harp, ask him about the Aladdin review. It was almost four years ago, he probably doesn’t remember.
After an awful explanation that hurts my inner-Doctor Who fan, the Genie gives him infinite lives. Bores doesn’t realize that he can also be invincible with an in-game cheat. You’d think if he looked up Game Genie codes…
He reaches the final level and a message appears warning him of the Pixel Demon. Apparently, the Genie and R.O.B. (who is in this video for no reason) know about it and run in fear. Then the monk from the last video appears and explains the Pixel Demon was locked in Silver Surfer because of its impossible difficulty. Like I’ve said, awful creepypasta.
The monk tells IG that he can use his Power of Inferno to stop him. How will the sword help? It doesn’t, turns out he doesn’t need the sword at all as he can use the power to summon surfboards out of thin air. What?
We also see the Pixel Demon, it’s a green toad-looking thing that’s not even made of pixels. IG uses the surfboard to go in the game and confront the Pixel Demon. He easily defeats it with a single Bob-Omb. … FUCKING LAME!
Oh but the Pixel Demon survives and hops out of the TV. It’s fucking tiny, what can it do in the real world?
Part 6 has EG tell Shadow Something that their plan is ready. His first appearance since Part 1 (such a great villain)
IG on a comic book kick (THREE MONTHS LATER) and he decides to review X-Men on NES.
Then the six X-Men from the game show up. Wolverine, Colossus, Cyclops, Nightcrawler, Iceman, and Storm.
After insulting Wolverine, he walks up and says “I resemble that remark”. I don’t think that joke works here, it should be something like “You’re a disgusting pig!” “No I’m not *belches*” or “Your grammar is atrocious!” “No it aren’t!”
He swats Wolverine like he’s nothing, reducing the rest of the X-Men to pathetic wimps, and slaves. Our hero!
Colossus and Storm leave, Nightcrawler teleports away when IG breaks physics to throw a controller at him, Cyclops is killed by IG’s Power of Inferno (no, not the sword, ANOTHER new power) and Iceman is shattered. So, IG is the bad guy? This doesn’t make sense.
Then we see EG’s new plan, a giant HAL-bot! … I sadly know where this is headed.
That’s where the story ends for now.
Did any of that make sense?
Let’s go over various issues I’ve noticed.
Holy crap is it trite. How many damn clichés are there? Evil twin, big shadowy villain, army of minions, CHOSEN ONE, robot sidekick, best friend that looks different (Wise Sage and Tony), magical sword, magical powers, villain wanting to take over the world, and so on. Did he write this when he was ten and didn’t change anything about it now that he’s well past 30?
The characters are either horrible people or have zero personality. Tony is a sociopath that assaults people for petty reasons, Wise Sage is just there, Devil Bores is a moron, R.O.B. is nothing (not even sarcastic or robotic like other shows) and the Irate Gamer himself is a horrid monster that abuses his powers and never gets what’s coming to him. He’s far too strong and yet somehow we’re supposed to root for him. Somehow, he’s the hero!
We know nothing about the villains, outside of “they’re evil… grrr”. None of the characters have developed outside their single dimension. Look, I know it’s silly to overanalyze the characters in a dumb review show, but if Bores wants us to take it seriously, then that’s exactly what I’m going to do.
What direction is this going? Part one is wacky hijinx to get the Odyssey, parts two and three are about a robot army that’s defeated way too easily, part four is suddenly about a magic sword, part five introduces a new villain out of nowhere despite the old ones still out there, and part six shows those old villains with no reference of the new one.
Bores has said multiple times that “stringing this together will make his movie”. THIS ISN’T HOW MOVIES WORK! Movies need to be consistent, a beginning, a middle, and an end. If you want to do something different, you can reverse the order or change it up like Memento or Pulp Fiction. Yet what feels like a climax takes place 30 minutes in, and now you’re on something else. It would be like an action film that got bored in the first act and decided to resolve itself and become a satire about the media.
And then there’s the questions. Oh god, so many questions. Nothing makes sense!
Why is Goro living in Ohio? Why does IG’s apartment building look like a house? How did HAL get in the Odyssey? How can the Odyssey produce multiple HAL-bots? Why are their bodies so shitty that they can be blown up easily? What did Wise Sage have that killed him? How come R.O.B.’s eye beams can blow up robots but only singe humans like a cartoon? Why does Evil Gamer exist? How is Irate Gamer the chosen one? How can IG access his powers if he doesn’t have the sword? What’s the point of the sword? How did everyone already know about the Pixel Demon? Why didn’t they choose a game that technically has no ending to trap it? How can IG summon surfboards? Why is he called the Pixel Demon when he’s not actually made of pixels? How come nobody traced the Evil Gamer’s location during the news broadcast? Where are the cops? What kind of world is this where almost everyone looks the same? WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON?! GAAAAAAAAAAA-
*wakes up* In conclusion, Bores can’t write for beans. Nothing makes sense, and if he thinks this is how a movie works, then his claimed education was a waste.
I’ll revisit this whenever his storyline does finish up. Sure, he said 1 or 2 more, but that could take ages.
Before I go, I want to fulfill the fan’s request. The Y2B Productions wedding video ad. Seems the internet has come across a page on “wedplan.net” with an for a certain Sandusky based video maker. http://www.wedplan.net/pages/9621/
There used to be text there, but it’s gone now. However, skyrunner14 managed to get a screencap before (I assume) Bores took it down.
The fact he did wedding videos was already brought up in his biography (which I combed through here: http://irategamersucks.blogspot.com/2012/01/egotism-continues-in-chris-bores.html). Here’s what’s interesting, the other videographer ads on the site show samples of their work. Y2B Productions doesn’t have that. Other ads mention a price range with stated numbers, the screenshot up there only mentions “low prices”. Not a very good advertisement Bores, it’s no wonder you moved onto ghost hunting.
I’m beat, catch you all whenever.
EDIT: New update from his site. Dated 1/15/2013
Welcome to another year, the sixth for the irategamer! Make sure you check out the HD version of History of video games part 3. Contains a few extra cutscenes that I found humorous. Every episode on History of Video games is now in HD. Expect a DVD release very soon. Still working on the bonus features. Plus more irate goodness on the way very soon!
DVD? For something that hasn't even hit the Atari 2600? Jeez, he's deluding himself hard.
Also, he better not use that John Williams and Ennio Morricone music, otherwise he can get sued.
Saturday, December 8, 2012
The Turd-Polishing Continues with the Light Rifle
Wow, this came out sooner than I thought it would. I covered Part 2, might as well cover this added bit.
Before I talk about the video, I should mention a different one he posted to GotGame. An interview about the game “Family Guy: Back to the Multiverse”. Originally filmed at this year’s E3 (I know since his blooper reel had a shot of him talking to the same representative in front of the same Family Guy sign), for some reason he decided to post it now. Not sure why since the game has been out for a couple weeks now, and has received abhorrent reviews, so I don’t see how this will build hype when there’s no longer any hype to be built.
Onto the Light Rifle video. Like the Odyssey revision, this is shorter than the original (5:19 compared to 6:35) and I imagine it will be just as stupid.
0:00 - 0:50: Wow, starting right off the bat. No intro or anything.
He brings up cards 7 and 8, then cards 9 and 10 and how they come with the Light Rifle. He once again brings up they’re hard to find and says “you’ll have to sell your soul for one”. Yep, he didn’t bother removing the Devil Bores bit, and the “sell your soul” line is just as forced.
“Sorry Satan, I already have one” It’s the same one you have since you’re just me in a mask.
“What? Well motherfucker” Okay, so he didn’t change that line. Further confusing me into what direction he wants to take his videos.
He then quickly goes over how the gun works.
0:51 - 1:52: He brings up the same “flawl” about how the rifle works if you point it any light source. That happens with light guns, even the NES ones. That’s what the light sensor in the gun is for.
This guy can explain it better than I could: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c3tBk-LYyzo
IG skips over the Prehistoric Safari game and begins looking at Shootout. He does the same scene where the theme from The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly plays followed by “ACTIONY MUSIC” as IG tries to make this look cooler than it really is. Chris, if this is for the so-called “DVD”, you can’t have Ennio Morricone music. Just like how you can’t have John Williams music in the first video.
He also added banter like “Come on!” and “What else you got?!” during the shootout. When that one last guy appears, he adds an effect when he shoots him. Really, this is all the revisions have done. Rather than fixing mistakes, he adds pointless effects.
1:52 - 2:27: He proceeds to Dogfight, and makes the same mistake of calling them “Nazi aircrafts”. Again, those are bi-planes, something that was more suited for World War I. Then we get the same scene of Bores putting on a jacket, a scarf, and sunglasses while playing the game to Flight of the Valkyries, a song more suited for Vietnam (Apocalypse Now anyone?) Also, why does he have a fan going? All it’s doing is making the posters move, this isn’t making it “epic” or anything.
And he does the same joke where the dot appears over his head and he shoots it. All this wasted time and energy going into recreating bits he already did. And he wonders why he’s losing fans?
2:28 - 2:49: IG then looks at Shooting Gallery, and calls it boring (probably because he couldn’t think of a dumb sketch to along with it).
He also adds this text “Warning: Objects May Appear More Boring Than They Already Are”. Hahahahaha wow, someone should add that to the beginning of all his videos. That is just the perfect warning.
Interesting to note, my Facebook informant told me that Bores said he added sight gags he couldn’t do on his old editing software. If this was one of them… that must be some ancient as hell software if you couldn’t add text to a video. *remembers the Dr. Jekyll Mr. Hyde Princible* Or maybe it’s something else.
He then pretends to blow his brains out with the rifle. What, no falling over like you’ve done before with the NES zapper?
2:50 - 4:24: And so we come to the HAL betrays him scene. Oh joy.
Same stuff happens. HAL hits IG with the gun, HAL says “bring it bitch”, then the anticlimax where IG… merely removes the card. But this time it’s padded out to last longer and make it look like he’s actually suffering. Too bad the fake electricity is making this look really silly rather than “badass”.
“Who knew he could do all that operating on C batteries?” Hey, don’t go pointing out the plot holes in your own writing. That’s my job.
The video ends with more history. He claims the second reason the Odyssey didn’t sell was the lack of rules and point system. Noooo, the Odyssey was new, nobody knew what to expect of it. Also, I did some research and people really did think that the Odyssey would only work on Magnavox televisions, something that I thought was bullshit originally. Yet, Bores removed that little trivia from this version. Hmmm.
Then he ends the video saying that Pong is next, while holding a sprite of the ball. I don’t mean like one of his “wooden” sprites, as in he digitally put it in there. Why not just hold up a Pong console?
That was… well to quote this very video “Objects May Appear More Boring Than They Already Are”. It was just boring, and I can’t really say if this is worse than the original 2B. The HAL parts were at least, especially when his HAL impression is still awful. Can’t you hire a voice actor or something? Oh wait, that would require him to pay, and actually give credit to someone.
I don’t think it’s worth e-mailing these videos to Ralph Baer, especially when he didn’t bother to fix the mistakes he made before. I just wish there was a way to contact Nolan Bushnell or Al Alcorn about the Pong videos.
Before I talk about the video, I should mention a different one he posted to GotGame. An interview about the game “Family Guy: Back to the Multiverse”. Originally filmed at this year’s E3 (I know since his blooper reel had a shot of him talking to the same representative in front of the same Family Guy sign), for some reason he decided to post it now. Not sure why since the game has been out for a couple weeks now, and has received abhorrent reviews, so I don’t see how this will build hype when there’s no longer any hype to be built.
Onto the Light Rifle video. Like the Odyssey revision, this is shorter than the original (5:19 compared to 6:35) and I imagine it will be just as stupid.
0:00 - 0:50: Wow, starting right off the bat. No intro or anything.
He brings up cards 7 and 8, then cards 9 and 10 and how they come with the Light Rifle. He once again brings up they’re hard to find and says “you’ll have to sell your soul for one”. Yep, he didn’t bother removing the Devil Bores bit, and the “sell your soul” line is just as forced.
“Sorry Satan, I already have one” It’s the same one you have since you’re just me in a mask.
“What? Well motherfucker” Okay, so he didn’t change that line. Further confusing me into what direction he wants to take his videos.
He then quickly goes over how the gun works.
0:51 - 1:52: He brings up the same “flawl” about how the rifle works if you point it any light source. That happens with light guns, even the NES ones. That’s what the light sensor in the gun is for.
This guy can explain it better than I could: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c3tBk-LYyzo
IG skips over the Prehistoric Safari game and begins looking at Shootout. He does the same scene where the theme from The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly plays followed by “ACTIONY MUSIC” as IG tries to make this look cooler than it really is. Chris, if this is for the so-called “DVD”, you can’t have Ennio Morricone music. Just like how you can’t have John Williams music in the first video.
He also added banter like “Come on!” and “What else you got?!” during the shootout. When that one last guy appears, he adds an effect when he shoots him. Really, this is all the revisions have done. Rather than fixing mistakes, he adds pointless effects.
1:52 - 2:27: He proceeds to Dogfight, and makes the same mistake of calling them “Nazi aircrafts”. Again, those are bi-planes, something that was more suited for World War I. Then we get the same scene of Bores putting on a jacket, a scarf, and sunglasses while playing the game to Flight of the Valkyries, a song more suited for Vietnam (Apocalypse Now anyone?) Also, why does he have a fan going? All it’s doing is making the posters move, this isn’t making it “epic” or anything.
And he does the same joke where the dot appears over his head and he shoots it. All this wasted time and energy going into recreating bits he already did. And he wonders why he’s losing fans?
2:28 - 2:49: IG then looks at Shooting Gallery, and calls it boring (probably because he couldn’t think of a dumb sketch to along with it).
He also adds this text “Warning: Objects May Appear More Boring Than They Already Are”. Hahahahaha wow, someone should add that to the beginning of all his videos. That is just the perfect warning.
Interesting to note, my Facebook informant told me that Bores said he added sight gags he couldn’t do on his old editing software. If this was one of them… that must be some ancient as hell software if you couldn’t add text to a video. *remembers the Dr. Jekyll Mr. Hyde Princible* Or maybe it’s something else.
He then pretends to blow his brains out with the rifle. What, no falling over like you’ve done before with the NES zapper?
2:50 - 4:24: And so we come to the HAL betrays him scene. Oh joy.
Same stuff happens. HAL hits IG with the gun, HAL says “bring it bitch”, then the anticlimax where IG… merely removes the card. But this time it’s padded out to last longer and make it look like he’s actually suffering. Too bad the fake electricity is making this look really silly rather than “badass”.
“Who knew he could do all that operating on C batteries?” Hey, don’t go pointing out the plot holes in your own writing. That’s my job.
The video ends with more history. He claims the second reason the Odyssey didn’t sell was the lack of rules and point system. Noooo, the Odyssey was new, nobody knew what to expect of it. Also, I did some research and people really did think that the Odyssey would only work on Magnavox televisions, something that I thought was bullshit originally. Yet, Bores removed that little trivia from this version. Hmmm.
Then he ends the video saying that Pong is next, while holding a sprite of the ball. I don’t mean like one of his “wooden” sprites, as in he digitally put it in there. Why not just hold up a Pong console?
That was… well to quote this very video “Objects May Appear More Boring Than They Already Are”. It was just boring, and I can’t really say if this is worse than the original 2B. The HAL parts were at least, especially when his HAL impression is still awful. Can’t you hire a voice actor or something? Oh wait, that would require him to pay, and actually give credit to someone.
I don’t think it’s worth e-mailing these videos to Ralph Baer, especially when he didn’t bother to fix the mistakes he made before. I just wish there was a way to contact Nolan Bushnell or Al Alcorn about the Pong videos.
Wednesday, November 28, 2012
An HD Shine Can't Hide This Historically Rotten Writing
…
…
… I wasn’t going to cover this. I thought I didn’t need to after the first HD revision. I was soooooo wrong.
For those that don‘t know, Chris Bores had this desire to revise his early History of Videos Games episodes in HD. His reason? Putting it on a DVD/Blu-Ray. Look, if you put out a DVD titled “History of Video Games” and it doesn’t even cover the Atari 2600, people are going to feel ripped off. They can possibly sue you for false advertising.
Sure, you can argue only fans will buy it, but there’s the chance that someone who doesn’t know who he is will buy it. Not only will they feel cheated, they’ll get this horribly unfunny and incredibly inaccurate DVD that seems to care more for silly jokes than actual information. Chris, quit pretending this is a fucking documentary. Why do you think nobody takes you seriously?
Also, what’s the point? You could invest that time in something else. Like finishing your stupid story arc, or doing further episodes of this pointless documentary. It’s a waste.
The reason I wasn’t going to cover it isn’t that I didn’t want to, it’s that I thought I didn’t need to. Last year, he released Part 1 in HD, and there were very very very few changes. He wore a different shirt in one scene, the timing on the “How come this stuff never happens to Captain Kirk” joke was a little less awkward (still wasn’t funny) and he took out the harsher profanity (“Holy fireballs of shit” became “Holy fireballs of crap” and “64? What the fuck?” was reduced to just “64?”). Other than that, the video was virtually unchanged, it was even the same length.
So, 20 months later, when he announced that the HD version of Part 2 was coming out, I brushed it off with no plans to do it. However, I noticed it was much shorter than the original version. Where the original was around 11 minutes long, this revision is only 7 minutes. That’s good right?
Well… the shorter length comes with a massive price. The video is waaaaay worse than the original. It takes the massive problems with the original and magnifies them tenfold. This… is not going to go well.
Before I start, what was wrong with the original? Unsurprisingly, there was plenty of research failure. It was so bad that the Odyssey’s creator, Ralph Baer, called him out on it (http://irategamersucks.blogspot.com/2011/03/ralph-baer-responds-no-chris-he-didnt.html). The review part was unbelievably botched, he spent the entire time comparing the 1970s console to modern standards, something NOBODY would do because that’s just plain idiotic. He included a story bit where the second player was the HAL 9000 from 2001: A Space Odyssey (Get it? Because both are called Odyssey? SO CLEVER!). Somehow it would tie into his Season 4 story arc, confusing people into wondering if History of Video Games was a separate series or not. Then there was the awful jokes, like Bores going to space to get a part from a Jawa action figure, or the dirty flash cards. It’s definitely a contender for worst History of Video Games episode (that or Part 4).
An optimist would think that this would be a good time for Bores to fix all the problems. … Let’s get started. If you want more info, check out the original post here: http://irategamersucks.blogspot.com/2009/10/odyssey-part-1-this-is-gonna-hurt.html
0:05 - 0:35:On the bright side, he didn’t include the “For over 35 years…” intro like the original.
He goes over the history bits, though this feels much more condensed before. He did add a lot of his modern stock footage, only it’s in black and white. He also put his Odyssey in a briefcase to represent Baer showing it off.
0:36 - 1:39: He describes what the Odyssey comes with (thankfully, he removed that “crude in design” remark) and gets to the part where he learns the video cable isn’t compatible with his TV.
“What the fuck is this?” Looks like the profanity is staying. Why he changed it for the first HD revision I don’t know. I’d say “family-friendly” but I’m doubting that at this point.
“Instead of a video cable that looks like this, or this, you end up with this!” Looks like he still doesn’t realize that something that’s 40 years old won’t work on modern televisions. He did remove the “what an ass-biter” line so I guess some profanity is gone.
More complaining about outdated cables then he looks in his “Intergalactic Phone Book” to find the part. Except here, he showed that he already has the part. So why does he need to do this upcoming bit?
I do find it funny how an “Intergalactic Phone Book” is about the size of a Sandusky, Ohio phone book.
Then it cuts to “half-way across the galaxy” and… a really pointless addition. We see IG in a vector-drawn spaceship. I think that’s meant to be the ship from “Spacewar” as it’s the same model shown in his Part 1 title card. By the way Chris, if this is intended for the DVD, you can’t have that John Williams music.
He lands on Tatoonie (and I’m convinced that planet from before was also from Star Wars, good luck dealing with Disney) and meets with the Jawa action figure. Again, you have the part, you didn’t need to do this bit. Hell, you didn’t need to do this bit the first time. It just feels like you did a Star Wars reference for the sake of doing a Star Wars reference. At least with HAL I can kind-of sort-of see why you put him in, but this… never made sense.
“Yeah, I don’t know what the hell they were thinking of either” … I’ll tell what the hell they were thinking of. They were thinking “Say, what do most televisions have, and how can we get our toy to properly function?” What’s that? They dare not take into account someone playing it 40 years in the future? Well no shit! They didn’t consider that video games would be what they are now, they didn’t plan ahead because they saw no reason to.
After that pointlessness, we get another new addition, this time IG crashes his ship into his ceiling and falls out. A fitting metaphor for this video.
He then hooks up his Odyssey… wait a second. That looks different from the cables he used last time. *checks* It is! Last time he used an RF cable, which wouldn’t work with the Odyssey. Here he uses the proper one. So… what was the footage he had last time?
1:40 - 1:56: “Here’s a fast fact” Something about that line just irritates me. I think it’s because it reminds me of those really cheesy educational shorts they would show you in school with the kids that couldn’t act and the adults with scenery in their teeth.
He then says his incorrect fact about the game being in the Odyssey rather than the cards.
1:57 - 2:54: He brings up how the Odyssey turns on when you plug a card into it. Then… dramatic music starts playing for some reason. Umm, why? Does he know HAL is on it and doesn’t want to get hurt? Because that wouldn’t make sense from a continuity standpoint.
“LET THERE BE LIFE” … It’s a toy. A really old toy. There’s no life in it. Unless you meant to say “light”. If you did… second takes are your friend. Unless… crap he’s doing the HAL thing again isn’t he?
Yes he is, because bad electric effects cover his Odyssey and go into his TV.
“Hello Dave” *sighs* You know, I’m fairly certain HAL can say other names outside of David Bowman’s. He’s supposed to be an ultra-intelligent computer, so it wouldn’t make sense for him to call everyone “Dave”. But it only goes to show what a hack Chris really is, and that he’s probably never actually seen 2001. Or if he has, he didn’t get through it.
By the way, his HAL impression somehow got worse. No idea how that happened.
Oh, and he tries to justify this bad plot device by saying he has a “SUPER-RARE” Odyssey. Yeah, if you’re trying to be a “serious” documentary, it’s best not to make up shit like this.
Blah blah blah, HAL will be his opponent. He moves to the first game “Table Tennis” (or Tabletop Tennis as he calls it but whatever).
2:55 - 3:31: I don’t know what it is, but this footage looks kind of fake. Might just be my imagination.
He goes over the controls, and notes how one of the knobs puts a little spin into the ball. Then a bad joke where he spins it “right out of the game”. Just because you can do effects, doesn’t mean you should. Most of his jokes seem to rely on “Look what I can do with After Effects!”
Blah blah blah glitches.
3:32 - 4:04: He gets into the overlays, brings up the Hockey and Football games (the latter he didn’t mention last time) and then begins reviewing Skiing game. Not much here.
4:05 - 4:33: He explains the game, but then says you’ll likely die of boredom before finishing it. Showing him falling over “dead”. Then he goes on to compare the game… Candyland. What? How? Because of the trees. *looks at the Candyland board (http://www.lscheffer.com/CandyLand.jpg)* What the fuck are you seeing? He specifically mentions Peppermint Forest and Gumdrop Mountains, but those are pink candy canes and bright-colored gumdrops. Not. Green. Trees.
In fact, that mountain has a Triforce in it. Wasted Zelda reference!
“I thought this was supposed to be a video game, not a board game”. Video games did not exist in 1972, think of the Odyssey more as a board game that’s played on a TV. Oh wait, you can’t because you’re too ignorant to put yourself in the right mindset.
Then to further establish this is revision, he does one of his “character slides in from his right (our left)” jokes. This time it’s Mr. Mint from Candyland, and wow that’s an ugly drawing. Maybe you shouldn’t have burned DatBoiDrew that badly.
4:34 - 5:08: He moves onto Simon Says, and proceeds to do the same dreadful joke he did last time.
“Simon says penis?” It still bugs me how much time and effort he took for those cards just for this awful, awful joke. Why? Why not put that time in something worthwhile? Instead you waste it creating adult-themed flashcards for a game that’s intended for kids. What the fuck man?
This time he doesn’t say “masturbation hand”, and throws the cards in the air after seeing “vagina”.
5:09 - 5:39: He starts talking about the Roulette game, and does things differently here. This time he uses the chips on the board to make bets. He loses the first one and decides to put everything on a second bet. He pushes the button and lands on 6.
“Nine?!” … What? Are you kidding me?
“There’s not even a 9 on the damn board!” Oh God… you seriously made the same mistake. What is wrong with you?
No, this is not a joke. Despite his claim, this is clearly not a joke! This just makes him look like a complete moron! I’ll admit, I’m terrible at math, but even I can tell the difference between a 6 and a 9!
And to make this worse, the first number he landed on was 18, which is right next to the 6, and he even calls out “18”. How… what… aksld;fjasl;kdjsadfkl;fl;
Please, explain to me how THIS is a joke! Because I don’t see it! Gaaaah!
5:39 - 6:40: He brushes aside a few games that got more attention in the original video, then plays the States game so he can yell at Magnavox for thinking this could be fun. Oh man, it’s almost over!
He goes over additional games that were sold separately and how they use board games combined with the screen. He calls them too complicated, then a scene of HAL talking. You know, I remember him being excited about the all new games he had for this. Figures they would only get 5 seconds of screen time.
The video ends with IG bringing the Odyssey Light Rifle. Oh yeah, I forgot to mention. There was a second part to this, a Part 2B. This one going over the Light Rifle. I have a feeling he did that to make himself look better than the AVGN, who didn’t cover it in his Odyssey video. For all I care, he could take another 20 months to make the HD revision of that.
It’s… astonishing. Bores somehow made a video worse than the original. I’m just baffled by this. He claims on Facebook that in the original the “flow” didn’t feel right. There’s no flow to be had, especially when you do cutaway gags ALL THE TIME, or spend a minute pretending to be a bunch of horses. That is, if he’s claiming each part is supposed to transition to the next like a real documentary. Either way… he’s a hack and this video just annoyed the hell out of me.
Well, it’s almost December. Think he’ll do anything worthwhile, or will this be the last video of the year outside of some rushed Neo videos and contests. The latter sounds more likely knowing him.
…
… I wasn’t going to cover this. I thought I didn’t need to after the first HD revision. I was soooooo wrong.
For those that don‘t know, Chris Bores had this desire to revise his early History of Videos Games episodes in HD. His reason? Putting it on a DVD/Blu-Ray. Look, if you put out a DVD titled “History of Video Games” and it doesn’t even cover the Atari 2600, people are going to feel ripped off. They can possibly sue you for false advertising.
Sure, you can argue only fans will buy it, but there’s the chance that someone who doesn’t know who he is will buy it. Not only will they feel cheated, they’ll get this horribly unfunny and incredibly inaccurate DVD that seems to care more for silly jokes than actual information. Chris, quit pretending this is a fucking documentary. Why do you think nobody takes you seriously?
Also, what’s the point? You could invest that time in something else. Like finishing your stupid story arc, or doing further episodes of this pointless documentary. It’s a waste.
The reason I wasn’t going to cover it isn’t that I didn’t want to, it’s that I thought I didn’t need to. Last year, he released Part 1 in HD, and there were very very very few changes. He wore a different shirt in one scene, the timing on the “How come this stuff never happens to Captain Kirk” joke was a little less awkward (still wasn’t funny) and he took out the harsher profanity (“Holy fireballs of shit” became “Holy fireballs of crap” and “64? What the fuck?” was reduced to just “64?”). Other than that, the video was virtually unchanged, it was even the same length.
So, 20 months later, when he announced that the HD version of Part 2 was coming out, I brushed it off with no plans to do it. However, I noticed it was much shorter than the original version. Where the original was around 11 minutes long, this revision is only 7 minutes. That’s good right?
Well… the shorter length comes with a massive price. The video is waaaaay worse than the original. It takes the massive problems with the original and magnifies them tenfold. This… is not going to go well.
Before I start, what was wrong with the original? Unsurprisingly, there was plenty of research failure. It was so bad that the Odyssey’s creator, Ralph Baer, called him out on it (http://irategamersucks.blogspot.com/2011/03/ralph-baer-responds-no-chris-he-didnt.html). The review part was unbelievably botched, he spent the entire time comparing the 1970s console to modern standards, something NOBODY would do because that’s just plain idiotic. He included a story bit where the second player was the HAL 9000 from 2001: A Space Odyssey (Get it? Because both are called Odyssey? SO CLEVER!). Somehow it would tie into his Season 4 story arc, confusing people into wondering if History of Video Games was a separate series or not. Then there was the awful jokes, like Bores going to space to get a part from a Jawa action figure, or the dirty flash cards. It’s definitely a contender for worst History of Video Games episode (that or Part 4).
An optimist would think that this would be a good time for Bores to fix all the problems. … Let’s get started. If you want more info, check out the original post here: http://irategamersucks.blogspot.com/2009/10/odyssey-part-1-this-is-gonna-hurt.html
0:05 - 0:35:On the bright side, he didn’t include the “For over 35 years…” intro like the original.
He goes over the history bits, though this feels much more condensed before. He did add a lot of his modern stock footage, only it’s in black and white. He also put his Odyssey in a briefcase to represent Baer showing it off.
0:36 - 1:39: He describes what the Odyssey comes with (thankfully, he removed that “crude in design” remark) and gets to the part where he learns the video cable isn’t compatible with his TV.
“What the fuck is this?” Looks like the profanity is staying. Why he changed it for the first HD revision I don’t know. I’d say “family-friendly” but I’m doubting that at this point.
“Instead of a video cable that looks like this, or this, you end up with this!” Looks like he still doesn’t realize that something that’s 40 years old won’t work on modern televisions. He did remove the “what an ass-biter” line so I guess some profanity is gone.
More complaining about outdated cables then he looks in his “Intergalactic Phone Book” to find the part. Except here, he showed that he already has the part. So why does he need to do this upcoming bit?
I do find it funny how an “Intergalactic Phone Book” is about the size of a Sandusky, Ohio phone book.
Then it cuts to “half-way across the galaxy” and… a really pointless addition. We see IG in a vector-drawn spaceship. I think that’s meant to be the ship from “Spacewar” as it’s the same model shown in his Part 1 title card. By the way Chris, if this is intended for the DVD, you can’t have that John Williams music.
He lands on Tatoonie (and I’m convinced that planet from before was also from Star Wars, good luck dealing with Disney) and meets with the Jawa action figure. Again, you have the part, you didn’t need to do this bit. Hell, you didn’t need to do this bit the first time. It just feels like you did a Star Wars reference for the sake of doing a Star Wars reference. At least with HAL I can kind-of sort-of see why you put him in, but this… never made sense.
“Yeah, I don’t know what the hell they were thinking of either” … I’ll tell what the hell they were thinking of. They were thinking “Say, what do most televisions have, and how can we get our toy to properly function?” What’s that? They dare not take into account someone playing it 40 years in the future? Well no shit! They didn’t consider that video games would be what they are now, they didn’t plan ahead because they saw no reason to.
After that pointlessness, we get another new addition, this time IG crashes his ship into his ceiling and falls out. A fitting metaphor for this video.
He then hooks up his Odyssey… wait a second. That looks different from the cables he used last time. *checks* It is! Last time he used an RF cable, which wouldn’t work with the Odyssey. Here he uses the proper one. So… what was the footage he had last time?
1:40 - 1:56: “Here’s a fast fact” Something about that line just irritates me. I think it’s because it reminds me of those really cheesy educational shorts they would show you in school with the kids that couldn’t act and the adults with scenery in their teeth.
He then says his incorrect fact about the game being in the Odyssey rather than the cards.
1:57 - 2:54: He brings up how the Odyssey turns on when you plug a card into it. Then… dramatic music starts playing for some reason. Umm, why? Does he know HAL is on it and doesn’t want to get hurt? Because that wouldn’t make sense from a continuity standpoint.
“LET THERE BE LIFE” … It’s a toy. A really old toy. There’s no life in it. Unless you meant to say “light”. If you did… second takes are your friend. Unless… crap he’s doing the HAL thing again isn’t he?
Yes he is, because bad electric effects cover his Odyssey and go into his TV.
“Hello Dave” *sighs* You know, I’m fairly certain HAL can say other names outside of David Bowman’s. He’s supposed to be an ultra-intelligent computer, so it wouldn’t make sense for him to call everyone “Dave”. But it only goes to show what a hack Chris really is, and that he’s probably never actually seen 2001. Or if he has, he didn’t get through it.
By the way, his HAL impression somehow got worse. No idea how that happened.
Oh, and he tries to justify this bad plot device by saying he has a “SUPER-RARE” Odyssey. Yeah, if you’re trying to be a “serious” documentary, it’s best not to make up shit like this.
Blah blah blah, HAL will be his opponent. He moves to the first game “Table Tennis” (or Tabletop Tennis as he calls it but whatever).
2:55 - 3:31: I don’t know what it is, but this footage looks kind of fake. Might just be my imagination.
He goes over the controls, and notes how one of the knobs puts a little spin into the ball. Then a bad joke where he spins it “right out of the game”. Just because you can do effects, doesn’t mean you should. Most of his jokes seem to rely on “Look what I can do with After Effects!”
Blah blah blah glitches.
3:32 - 4:04: He gets into the overlays, brings up the Hockey and Football games (the latter he didn’t mention last time) and then begins reviewing Skiing game. Not much here.
4:05 - 4:33: He explains the game, but then says you’ll likely die of boredom before finishing it. Showing him falling over “dead”. Then he goes on to compare the game… Candyland. What? How? Because of the trees. *looks at the Candyland board (http://www.lscheffer.com/CandyLand.jpg)* What the fuck are you seeing? He specifically mentions Peppermint Forest and Gumdrop Mountains, but those are pink candy canes and bright-colored gumdrops. Not. Green. Trees.
In fact, that mountain has a Triforce in it. Wasted Zelda reference!
“I thought this was supposed to be a video game, not a board game”. Video games did not exist in 1972, think of the Odyssey more as a board game that’s played on a TV. Oh wait, you can’t because you’re too ignorant to put yourself in the right mindset.
Then to further establish this is revision, he does one of his “character slides in from his right (our left)” jokes. This time it’s Mr. Mint from Candyland, and wow that’s an ugly drawing. Maybe you shouldn’t have burned DatBoiDrew that badly.
4:34 - 5:08: He moves onto Simon Says, and proceeds to do the same dreadful joke he did last time.
“Simon says penis?” It still bugs me how much time and effort he took for those cards just for this awful, awful joke. Why? Why not put that time in something worthwhile? Instead you waste it creating adult-themed flashcards for a game that’s intended for kids. What the fuck man?
This time he doesn’t say “masturbation hand”, and throws the cards in the air after seeing “vagina”.
5:09 - 5:39: He starts talking about the Roulette game, and does things differently here. This time he uses the chips on the board to make bets. He loses the first one and decides to put everything on a second bet. He pushes the button and lands on 6.
“Nine?!” … What? Are you kidding me?
“There’s not even a 9 on the damn board!” Oh God… you seriously made the same mistake. What is wrong with you?
No, this is not a joke. Despite his claim, this is clearly not a joke! This just makes him look like a complete moron! I’ll admit, I’m terrible at math, but even I can tell the difference between a 6 and a 9!
And to make this worse, the first number he landed on was 18, which is right next to the 6, and he even calls out “18”. How… what… aksld;fjasl;kdjsadfkl;fl;
Please, explain to me how THIS is a joke! Because I don’t see it! Gaaaah!
5:39 - 6:40: He brushes aside a few games that got more attention in the original video, then plays the States game so he can yell at Magnavox for thinking this could be fun. Oh man, it’s almost over!
He goes over additional games that were sold separately and how they use board games combined with the screen. He calls them too complicated, then a scene of HAL talking. You know, I remember him being excited about the all new games he had for this. Figures they would only get 5 seconds of screen time.
The video ends with IG bringing the Odyssey Light Rifle. Oh yeah, I forgot to mention. There was a second part to this, a Part 2B. This one going over the Light Rifle. I have a feeling he did that to make himself look better than the AVGN, who didn’t cover it in his Odyssey video. For all I care, he could take another 20 months to make the HD revision of that.
It’s… astonishing. Bores somehow made a video worse than the original. I’m just baffled by this. He claims on Facebook that in the original the “flow” didn’t feel right. There’s no flow to be had, especially when you do cutaway gags ALL THE TIME, or spend a minute pretending to be a bunch of horses. That is, if he’s claiming each part is supposed to transition to the next like a real documentary. Either way… he’s a hack and this video just annoyed the hell out of me.
Well, it’s almost December. Think he’ll do anything worthwhile, or will this be the last video of the year outside of some rushed Neo videos and contests. The latter sounds more likely knowing him.
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