Last time, in Irate Gamer’s E3 coverage.
Bores gushes over Batman or things that feel like Batman.
He was incapable of understanding why people cheered at Sony’s press conference.
He was inexplicably excited for Halo and Dark Souls 2.
He brushed off Nintendo like it was nothing.
And now, the continuation.
Video #9: Skylanders Swap Force E3 2013 - Epic Interview Part 1 (Review, Preview)
June 22nd 2013
Exclusive to YouTube.
And here’s the Skylanders. No surprise there.
Epic? Pffffft.
Wait, Part 1? *checks time* 12 MINUTES?!
Hell no. I’m not watching this. It’s probably just a bunch of generic questions that amount to nothing new. No. No. No. No. No. NO!
Video #10: Skylanders Swap Force E3 2013 - Epic Interview Part 2 (Kaos’s Mom, TarClops)
June 23rd 2013
Exclusive to YouTube
Once again, no.
I will point out the grammar error in the title. If a word ends with “s”, you merely add an apostrophe by itself. Otherwise you get stuff like “Chris’s”. What’s sad is that this isn’t the first time he’s done this. In that really old “Loyal Order of Chris” video on his Y2B2006 account, there’s a sign that says “Loyal Order of Chris’s”. One would think that they would teach him the correct way considering his name ends with “s”.
I… I just don’t care anymore. The Skylanders obsession is getting tedious.
Video #11: Super Mario Wii-U 3D - E3 2013 Interview Preview.
June 24th 2013
Back to something that isn’t Skylanders.
By the way Chris, how is Mario okay but Zelda needs to be “dark and gritty”. When people say they want Zelda to be like Skyrim or Dark Souls, they’re talking about the gameplay!
I won’t be too hard on him this time since I’m kind of looking forward to this game. Though like many others, I expected a game on the scale of 64 or Galaxy, and we just got an upgraded 3D Land with cats, and the Super Mario Bros 2/US cast with their same abilities. But the Wii U is in such a bad drought right now that I’ll take it. Plus, I like cats.
Of course, Bores calls the game “Super Mario World 3D” instead of “3D World”.
“I don’t think we can fit another anagram in there!” … You have no idea what an anagram is do you?
“I like it a lot better than uh Mario Wii U” I know he’s referring to New Super Mario Bros. U but… ugh it sounds so wrong.
Bores gushes over how the game harkens back to the old school for people like him. I thought you hated Super Mario Bros. 2? You made an entire video on it, it’s the one that GOT YOU NOTICED!
He mentions they “brought back” the Fuzzies from Super Mario World. You need to play more Mario games because the Fuzzies showed up in a lot more titles. All the Paper Mario games for instance, along with recent outings like Galaxy 2 and 3D Land .
“If I got it wrong, don’t send me a bunch of e-mails” No you got it right, but you’re still going to get a bunch of angry e-mails over other things. Especially since you’re bleeding subscribers.
Slightly off-topic, but GotGame’s E3 Awards are called the “Epic Win Awards”. … Yeah, that should give you a clue about how their site is run.
Video #12: Super Mario Wii-U 3D (Level 2-1) E3 2013 Gameplay
June 25th 2013
Exclusive to YouTube
Just like Mario Kart 8, we have more footage of Bores trying out the games.
Something I forgot to mention about the Mario Kart 8 footage. Bores suuuucks at the game. Like, really sucks. He keeps crashing into walls, he uses power-ups at the wrong time, it was a train wreck.
So does Bores fare any better here? Hell no! He is utterly terrible. No idea what he’s doing, the person playing Luigi is carrying him.
By the way, no sound again. Was it that hard to add music or post-commentary? Something like this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=89VuI2nyINw
Video #13: Super Mario Wii-U 3D (Level 1-5, 4-2) E3 2013 Gameplay Interview Preview.
June 25th 2013
Exclusive to YouTube
Another silent gameplay video. The title is a lie, there’s no interview here to be found.
Also, it’s called “Super Mario 3D World”, not “Super Mario Wii U 3D”. Do some fucking fact-checking dumbass.
Video #14: Donkey Kong Country Tropical Freeze - E3 2013 Interview Preview
June 25th 2013
Here’s Donkey Kong. Wonder why he didn’t mention it in the overall recap video from before.
He opens the interview saying he felt the last game was “missing something”. Didn’t you heap piles of praise onto it? I remember your review was gushing about how it’s such an “awesome upgrade that stays true to the ca-lassics” or some buzzword-filled crap like that. Then again, you didn’t play past World 2 so…
Other than that, lazy lazy interview. In fact it’s the shortest one. Characters, power-ups, same old shit.
Video #15: Dying Light - E3 2013 Interview Preview
June 26th 2013
Huh… didn’t see that coming. A zombie first-person shooter. Especially since Bores has avoided talking about FPS games since he complains they give him motion sickness.
*reads description* “The New Zombie Game from Warner Brothers” Actually, WB is just publishing. Development is being done by Techland, whose recent titles include Call of Juarez: The Cartel (gross), Call of Juarez: Gunslinger, Dead Island and Dead Island Riptide. Oooh boy…
Why are you showing interest in Dying Light? Didn’t you say you hated Dead Island and that it also gave you motion sickness?
Oh wow, it’s shorter than the Donkey Kong video.
Yeah… whole lot of nothing. Enemies, weapons, the game itself doesn’t even sound that exciting.
I do love how the developer was promoting that not only do fight zombies, you fight humans too. Yeah, that happened in The Last of Us, and that’s a better game. I know not to “judge a book by its cover”, but Techland’s resume leaves a lot to be desired.
Video #16: Magic 2014 mtg Duels of the Planeswalkers - E3 2013 Interview Review
June 26th 2013
Exclusive to YouTube
Oh great… more Magic the Gathering. At least he spelled “duels” right this time.
*watches video* I didn’t understand a thing about that. I’ll have to consult my experts.
…
My experts couldn’t find much wrong. Just a usual boring interview. Figures.
Video #17: Marvel LEGO - E3 2013 Interview Preview
June 27th 2013
Yep, new Lego game… He never talked about Lego Lord of the Rings, did he?
Bland bland bland bland…
“You’ve done a lot of DC properties” All two of them. Lego Batman 1 and 2. Unless we’re in an alternate universe where Star Wars, Indiana Jones and Harry Potter are DC properties.
Oh that’s right, Disney owns both Marvel and Star Wars now. Hilarious.
The rep says there’s 70 characters in the game. Really? I’m reading there’s 120. Which is it?
So much blaaaaaah *reads Wiki article* Oh sweet, Agent Phil Coulson is in the game.
Video #18: Diablo 3 Multiplayer! - E3 2013 Interview Preview
June 28th 2013
I would say I’m surprised, but he’s mentioned Diablo in the past. Like when he compared it to Castlevania Portrait of Ruin. Man… he sucks at comparisons.
Bores mentions he didn’t play Diablo III on PC because of the rumors about a console version. So if he’s willing to play PC games, why doesn’t he review them?
He also brings up the multiplayer. A feature Bores will ignore if he ever reviews this game.
“I heard you don’t have to be online to play multiplayer?” Well, not everyone since there’s LAN, but considering you have no friends, you’ll need to be online.
Gauntlet comparison…
Bores claims he remembers the original Diablo port on PS1, saying the controls were clunky. Either Steve told him this… or he really did play Diablo. What is he?
Maybe Bores really did play Diablo. There are people out there that have only played World of Warcraft, or Call of Duty. But that’s the thing, they’ve only played that one game, they know they’re not hardcore gamers. So why does Bores pretend to be hardcore? Why does he pretend to be an expert? Years ago I saw SWAGshow defend that, saying “he’s not a hardcore gamer”. Then why is he pretending to be a know-it-all with that “History of Video Games” crap? By the way, it’s been over 15 months since Bores released Part 5 of that. He still expects people to take this seriously?
Anyway, last video for this post.
Video #19: Disney’s Fantasia - (music evolved for Kinect) E3 2013 Interview Preview
June 28th 2013
Exclusive to YouTube
Fucking Kinect game? Seriously Bores? You can’t use it in your room! I’ve seen the room you do your videos, it is tiny! By the way, you never did talk about Kinect Star Wars since E3 2011. What happened, did the fact that you were the only person above the age of eight to like that game scare you?
I’ll be honest, when I heard the title I thought this could have been interesting. Making Fantasia set pieces set to all kinds of classical music. Then I saw the trailer, and I heard Bruno Mars. Yeah this is going to suck… Harmonix has fallen hard.
We actually get some footage of Bores playing, and good lord this game looks awful. Hey Harmonix, remember when you tried to get people to play real guitar with the “Pro Guitar” in Rock Band 3? Now we have… fireworks.
“This game is amazing” You know nothing Bores.
Then he compares it to Guitar Hero, but says it’s not like Guitar Hero. Ow, this hurts my brain.
Bores’ ADD must love the flashy colors, because this still looks terrible.
He asks if there’s Disney characters, and the rep goes into some schlock about music and interactivity. That’s funny, I heard Mickey and Yen Sid are going to be in the game. Fuck when is Kingdom Hearts III coming?
Bores urges everyone to check it out, and we end on more footage of him playing. When will he see Kinect is just a terrible gimmick?
It’s Friday so it’s time to post this. Aaagh, how much longer do we have of this?
Friday, June 28, 2013
Friday, June 21, 2013
E3 2013 Part 1: Let Slip the Dogs of Console War
Servers crashing, fan boys raging, PR thrown everywhere. Yep, it’s the Electronic Entertainment Expo.
As per usual, GotGame took the little money they had and brought Chris Bores over to LA to conduct more awkward interviews asking things that anyone could figure out with common sense. All while his 10 year old fans lap that shit up.
I’ll mark the date the video was posted to GotGame or YouTube, whichever comes first. This post will go up when I see fit. Probably after 8-9 videos (maybe).
Video #1: Sony Press Conference Reaction
June 11th 2013
http://gotgame.com/2013/06/11/e3-2013-sony-press-conference-reaction/
This isn’t actually a Bores video, it’s a Steve Masters video. But Bores is in it, and I feel it’s worth talking about. They’re also joined by SWAGshow, who decided to show up this year.
When Steve introduces Bores, he yells “GAME ON” out of nowhere. Does he seriously think people associate that phrase with him? Was there really any reason to yell it out? Oooh this is going to be a long month…
As I watch the video, I realize why they keep Bores around. Steve also has no idea what he’s talking about. Claiming PS4 has backwards compatibility because they announced used games support. …That is not even close to what that is. PS4 is not backwards compatible with your old games. Well, Sony did announce plans to release old games through Gaikai, but that‘s not true backwards compatibility. You can’t grab your disc copy of Uncharted 2 and put it in your PS4 and expect to play it. No wonder Steve keeps Bores around, he probably thinks his research is accurate.
They also mention that PS4 wins because of the price. Neglecting to mention the Xbox One’s many MANY anti-consumer measures. Honestly, the only one I expect to know that is SWAG…
UPDATE: As of June 19th, Microsoft announced they will drop the used games DRM and 24 hour online requirement. Kinect is still mandatory though. I highly recommend you do not forget they tried to do this and stay vigilant.
Bores reads his thoughts from a notepad he brought with him, otherwise this stuff would go right over his head. After all, he’s not actually a gamer. I love how Steve comments PS4 won because of price, then asks Chris what he thinks, and he just looks at his notepad and repeats the exact same thing.
His most anticipated game from the conference was Arkham Origins because “Batman”. I’d be weary of that game everyone, the development is not being handled by Rocksteady Studios.
He also liked Assassin’s Creed IV because … it was cool. Even though he never played the first three. I’m not being snarky, he actually says in the video he never played the first three games.
Hold on, last year he did an E3 video on Assassin’s Creed III. Did he not consider at any point “Maybe I should play more of the games I talked about E3...”. I do remember that on Facebook, he was complaining that Ubisoft wasn’t sending him free games. How cute, he thinks he has enough cred to get free games.
So, let’s see what Chris’ first solo video is like.
Video #2: Irate Gamer Dualing (sic) Roundup Report
June 17th 2013
A week after the last video was posted. Look Chris, when you advertise your E3 coverage is going to begin on June 11th, I expect it to begin on June 11th. Not a video you happened to be in, or the other videos from your GotGame handler, your own coverage.
By the way, it’s spelled “dueling” with an E. Wow, first solo video and we’re off to a bad start.
Sounds like this will be his recap of the MS and Sony conferences and the Nintendo Direct.
We open on Bores in the Sony conference after it finished up.
He starts with “Batman O-Ridge-Ins”. Yes, that is actually how he just pronounced “Origins”. You know, I thought you ran out of surprises Bores but this… this is astonishing. He said the same thing as the last video, he’s a fan and Black Mask is “coo’”
Then he moves to the PS4, shows Tretton’s announcements (he probably doesn’t understand why this caused applause) then… sends it to second Chris that’s at the Microsoft conference? Wait what?
“We’re at the Xbox Press Conference that just got done” How? If Chris is trying to give the impression this is “live”, then the Xbox conference should have ended HOURS ago! MS did theirs first in the morning, then Sony did theirs last in the evening. You should have done Microsoft first!
He starts with Metal Gear Solid V which has “cool characters and cinematics”. Anything on how it’s open-world, or Kiefer Sutherland?
Chris comments that he wants to know more about Dark Souls II. Nooooo you don’t. You don’t want to know anything about Demon’s Souls or Dark Souls. If Resident Evil 5’s easy mode was still too hard, Dark Souls II would you turn you into a prison bitch.
He found Ryse: Son of Rome to be “very involved”. Cause Quicktime Events are the pinnacle of “involvement”. Seriously, what did he mean by that? Then he mentions Forza 5.
His pick for the “coolest thing” was the cinematic trailer for Halo (zzzzzz). “I’m not sure if this is a remastering of the very first game or what” They already did that! They released an HD remaster two years ago! I love when he says he’s up to date with gaming trends but says ignorant stuff like that. By the way, it’s clearly Halo 5 because they announced it along with Halo 6 when they announced Halo 4.
We go back to Sony Chris as he once again mentions what Tretton said along with the prices of the two consoles. Again, I’m not sure he really understands how Sony was “undercutting Microsoft”. He probably just thinks it’s a price thing, or SWAGshow said something like “Sony just owned Microsoft” and he went along with that.
He said he’s looking forward to Dark Sorcerer. Wait, the tech demo with the old man that revealed at the end to be on a movie studio? That’s not a game. It’s like the PS3 Final Fantasy VII, it was only made to show what the system is capable of.
He mentions Assassin’s Creed IV again, and then brings up Watch_Dogs which he says look cool as you’re doing “hacker things with the internet and all that jazz”. His words.
That’s it? What about Infamous Second Son, Knack, Killzone Shadow Fall, all the indie games, Elder Scrolls Online, Destiny, Kingdom Hearts III?!
Then it cuts to a third Chris over at Nintendo. Was all this necessary? You really couldn’t just film three separate videos and show them back to back? You had to edit in this stupid news anchor shtick?
“This is Chris Bores live from the Nintendo Press Conference that just wrapped up!” What press conference? Nintendo didn’t have a live press conference this year, they had a streamed video.
He jumps right to Super Smash Bros and how Mega Man is a playable character.
“We all know him from the original uh Nintendo NES console” Good lord… this is so awkward. He then mentions the other two characters (Wii Fit Trainer and Villager from Animal Crossing).
He brings up Mario Kart 8 and Pikmin 3 then… signs off. What? That’s it?! What about The Wonderful 101, Bayonetta 2, The Legend of Zelda Wind Waker HD, or Donkey Kong Country Tropical Freeze? Especially the last one since you liked DKCR so much. Unless he played past World 2 and found out how crazy hard it was.
Then it cuts back to Sony Chris again and he signs off. What a lazy recap!
Then there’s a blooper… this E3 marathon is going to suck.
Video #3: Ducktales E3 2013 Review Coverage
June 18th 2013
Makes sense, DuckTales: Remastered is cashing in on nostalgia and Bores always falls for that trap.
I also see that he still doesn’t know the difference between a “review” and a “preview”. You’ve been doing this for how long?
First interview and it’s about as generic as it usual is. Characters, voice actors, length, that was about it. Some odd questions like if the voice acting sessions were fun (which the rep obviously didn’t know because he wasn’t there) and if there’s material taken from the comic books.
At one point, the rep says there’s new content, and later in the interview, Bores asks if there’s new content. … Listen!
Video #4: E3 2013 Alice in Chains Jerry Cantrell Ubisoft Conference Rocksmith 2014
June 19th 2013
Exclusive to YouTube
This… was pointless. It’s just a recording of Jerry Cantrell’s performance at the Ubisoft conference. That’s it. You can find this exact same clip in better quality all over YouTube. Does Bores not realize that these conferences are streamed to everyone and aren’t private showings?
Video #5: Batman Arkham Origins E3 2013 Review Coverage
June 19th 2013
No surprise here.
And he still can’t pronounce “Origins” correctly. Is that an accent quirk because I have never heard that.
He mentions the ending of Arkham City but doesn’t spoil it, he probably just read what happened since he didn’t beat the game for his Neo review.
“I’m sure there will be Easter Eggs” It’s a sandbox game, no shit there will be Easter Eggs.
Yeah… run-of-the-mill generic interview. I would have asked if WB Games Montreal could handle this game considering Arkham City Armored Edition had major framerate issues and Rocksteady isn’t working on the title.
Video #6: Mario Kart 8 Wii-U E3 2013 Interview
June 20th 2013
Oh hey, he didn’t call it a review. Progress.
*reads description* “Checking out this long awaited title” Long-awaited? Since when exactly? Since the last Mario Kart? Mario Kart 7 came out a year and a half ago. Not really a long time.
“It’s been a really long time since we’ve seen a Mario Kart game for a console” Oh he meant on consoles because apparently handhelds no longer count. You should realize by now that Nintendo releases only one Mario Kart game per console. Once MK8 comes out, no more Mario Karts until the next new console/handheld (whichever comes first).
Chris comments on new power-ups and mentions the Fire Flower. That’s not new, it was in Mario Kart 7. Maybe if you bothered to play it…
The rep mentions being able to race with up to 12 people online, and Bores compliments that as a “major upgrade”. It’s not, 12 players was possible in Mario Kart Wii, and you played that game! I remember that review, it had you whining about the “lame intro” for no reason.
“I’m really Chain-Chomping at the bit for this game!” Uggggggggggggggggggggggh. Don’t encourage him Nintendo rep!
The video ends with a clip of his racer falling into water. Ha! Then it’s ruined by a staged “shocked” reaction.
Video #7: Mario Kart 8 Wii-U (3 Stages) Play through E3 2013 (no audio) IG plays Review
June 21st 2013
Exclusive to YouTube
Good lord that’s a long title.
And I see he’s back to calling things that aren’t reviews “reviews”. So much for progress. Hell, he even mentions the Mario Kart 8 interview in the description and calls it a review. Ugh.
Anywho, it’s as the title says. It’s footage of Mario Kart 8 with no audio. Pointless really if you watched E3 coverage.
Video #8: Sonic Lost World Wii-U E3 2013 Interview Preview
June 21st 2013
*reads description* “The newest Sonic Installment races back to the wii-u” Back to the Wii U? This is the first Sonic game for the system. No, Sonic & All-Stars Racing Transformed doesn’t count, that’s a racing game. This is the first official Sonic plat former a/la Sonic Colors or Generations. Had he said “races to the Wii U” I wouldn’t have called this out.
At first, it’s just the usual blaaaaah.
Then the rep spoils part of the story. Thanks asshole, it’s not like I was actually interested in Sonic meets Mario Galaxy.
Bores mentions the Deadly Six are the first new memorable villain since Knuckles in Sonic 3. What about Chaos in Sonic Adventure? He was pretty memorable. Granted, that would imply Bores has played Sonic Adventure and hasn’t made it obvious the first 3D Sonic game he played was Unleashed.
At the end, the rep mentions their three-game partnership with Nintendo and that the third game is a mystery. Bores comments “now there’s a spoiler”. How? That’s been known since Sonic Lost World was announced.
*checks calendar* Oh it’s Friday. I think I’ll post a new E3 recap every Friday until he’s done.
What will happen next? Will Bores look at a first-person shooter? Will he praise the Xbox One’s now gone DRM policies (keep in mind this content was filmed before that announcement) Will I give a fuck?
As per usual, GotGame took the little money they had and brought Chris Bores over to LA to conduct more awkward interviews asking things that anyone could figure out with common sense. All while his 10 year old fans lap that shit up.
I’ll mark the date the video was posted to GotGame or YouTube, whichever comes first. This post will go up when I see fit. Probably after 8-9 videos (maybe).
Video #1: Sony Press Conference Reaction
June 11th 2013
http://gotgame.com/2013/06/11/e3-2013-sony-press-conference-reaction/
This isn’t actually a Bores video, it’s a Steve Masters video. But Bores is in it, and I feel it’s worth talking about. They’re also joined by SWAGshow, who decided to show up this year.
When Steve introduces Bores, he yells “GAME ON” out of nowhere. Does he seriously think people associate that phrase with him? Was there really any reason to yell it out? Oooh this is going to be a long month…
As I watch the video, I realize why they keep Bores around. Steve also has no idea what he’s talking about. Claiming PS4 has backwards compatibility because they announced used games support. …That is not even close to what that is. PS4 is not backwards compatible with your old games. Well, Sony did announce plans to release old games through Gaikai, but that‘s not true backwards compatibility. You can’t grab your disc copy of Uncharted 2 and put it in your PS4 and expect to play it. No wonder Steve keeps Bores around, he probably thinks his research is accurate.
They also mention that PS4 wins because of the price. Neglecting to mention the Xbox One’s many MANY anti-consumer measures. Honestly, the only one I expect to know that is SWAG…
UPDATE: As of June 19th, Microsoft announced they will drop the used games DRM and 24 hour online requirement. Kinect is still mandatory though. I highly recommend you do not forget they tried to do this and stay vigilant.
Bores reads his thoughts from a notepad he brought with him, otherwise this stuff would go right over his head. After all, he’s not actually a gamer. I love how Steve comments PS4 won because of price, then asks Chris what he thinks, and he just looks at his notepad and repeats the exact same thing.
His most anticipated game from the conference was Arkham Origins because “Batman”. I’d be weary of that game everyone, the development is not being handled by Rocksteady Studios.
He also liked Assassin’s Creed IV because … it was cool. Even though he never played the first three. I’m not being snarky, he actually says in the video he never played the first three games.
Hold on, last year he did an E3 video on Assassin’s Creed III. Did he not consider at any point “Maybe I should play more of the games I talked about E3...”. I do remember that on Facebook, he was complaining that Ubisoft wasn’t sending him free games. How cute, he thinks he has enough cred to get free games.
So, let’s see what Chris’ first solo video is like.
Video #2: Irate Gamer Dualing (sic) Roundup Report
June 17th 2013
A week after the last video was posted. Look Chris, when you advertise your E3 coverage is going to begin on June 11th, I expect it to begin on June 11th. Not a video you happened to be in, or the other videos from your GotGame handler, your own coverage.
By the way, it’s spelled “dueling” with an E. Wow, first solo video and we’re off to a bad start.
Sounds like this will be his recap of the MS and Sony conferences and the Nintendo Direct.
We open on Bores in the Sony conference after it finished up.
He starts with “Batman O-Ridge-Ins”. Yes, that is actually how he just pronounced “Origins”. You know, I thought you ran out of surprises Bores but this… this is astonishing. He said the same thing as the last video, he’s a fan and Black Mask is “coo’”
Then he moves to the PS4, shows Tretton’s announcements (he probably doesn’t understand why this caused applause) then… sends it to second Chris that’s at the Microsoft conference? Wait what?
“We’re at the Xbox Press Conference that just got done” How? If Chris is trying to give the impression this is “live”, then the Xbox conference should have ended HOURS ago! MS did theirs first in the morning, then Sony did theirs last in the evening. You should have done Microsoft first!
He starts with Metal Gear Solid V which has “cool characters and cinematics”. Anything on how it’s open-world, or Kiefer Sutherland?
Chris comments that he wants to know more about Dark Souls II. Nooooo you don’t. You don’t want to know anything about Demon’s Souls or Dark Souls. If Resident Evil 5’s easy mode was still too hard, Dark Souls II would you turn you into a prison bitch.
He found Ryse: Son of Rome to be “very involved”. Cause Quicktime Events are the pinnacle of “involvement”. Seriously, what did he mean by that? Then he mentions Forza 5.
His pick for the “coolest thing” was the cinematic trailer for Halo (zzzzzz). “I’m not sure if this is a remastering of the very first game or what” They already did that! They released an HD remaster two years ago! I love when he says he’s up to date with gaming trends but says ignorant stuff like that. By the way, it’s clearly Halo 5 because they announced it along with Halo 6 when they announced Halo 4.
We go back to Sony Chris as he once again mentions what Tretton said along with the prices of the two consoles. Again, I’m not sure he really understands how Sony was “undercutting Microsoft”. He probably just thinks it’s a price thing, or SWAGshow said something like “Sony just owned Microsoft” and he went along with that.
He said he’s looking forward to Dark Sorcerer. Wait, the tech demo with the old man that revealed at the end to be on a movie studio? That’s not a game. It’s like the PS3 Final Fantasy VII, it was only made to show what the system is capable of.
He mentions Assassin’s Creed IV again, and then brings up Watch_Dogs which he says look cool as you’re doing “hacker things with the internet and all that jazz”. His words.
That’s it? What about Infamous Second Son, Knack, Killzone Shadow Fall, all the indie games, Elder Scrolls Online, Destiny, Kingdom Hearts III?!
Then it cuts to a third Chris over at Nintendo. Was all this necessary? You really couldn’t just film three separate videos and show them back to back? You had to edit in this stupid news anchor shtick?
“This is Chris Bores live from the Nintendo Press Conference that just wrapped up!” What press conference? Nintendo didn’t have a live press conference this year, they had a streamed video.
He jumps right to Super Smash Bros and how Mega Man is a playable character.
“We all know him from the original uh Nintendo NES console” Good lord… this is so awkward. He then mentions the other two characters (Wii Fit Trainer and Villager from Animal Crossing).
He brings up Mario Kart 8 and Pikmin 3 then… signs off. What? That’s it?! What about The Wonderful 101, Bayonetta 2, The Legend of Zelda Wind Waker HD, or Donkey Kong Country Tropical Freeze? Especially the last one since you liked DKCR so much. Unless he played past World 2 and found out how crazy hard it was.
Then it cuts back to Sony Chris again and he signs off. What a lazy recap!
Then there’s a blooper… this E3 marathon is going to suck.
Video #3: Ducktales E3 2013 Review Coverage
June 18th 2013
Makes sense, DuckTales: Remastered is cashing in on nostalgia and Bores always falls for that trap.
I also see that he still doesn’t know the difference between a “review” and a “preview”. You’ve been doing this for how long?
First interview and it’s about as generic as it usual is. Characters, voice actors, length, that was about it. Some odd questions like if the voice acting sessions were fun (which the rep obviously didn’t know because he wasn’t there) and if there’s material taken from the comic books.
At one point, the rep says there’s new content, and later in the interview, Bores asks if there’s new content. … Listen!
Video #4: E3 2013 Alice in Chains Jerry Cantrell Ubisoft Conference Rocksmith 2014
June 19th 2013
Exclusive to YouTube
This… was pointless. It’s just a recording of Jerry Cantrell’s performance at the Ubisoft conference. That’s it. You can find this exact same clip in better quality all over YouTube. Does Bores not realize that these conferences are streamed to everyone and aren’t private showings?
Video #5: Batman Arkham Origins E3 2013 Review Coverage
June 19th 2013
No surprise here.
And he still can’t pronounce “Origins” correctly. Is that an accent quirk because I have never heard that.
He mentions the ending of Arkham City but doesn’t spoil it, he probably just read what happened since he didn’t beat the game for his Neo review.
“I’m sure there will be Easter Eggs” It’s a sandbox game, no shit there will be Easter Eggs.
Yeah… run-of-the-mill generic interview. I would have asked if WB Games Montreal could handle this game considering Arkham City Armored Edition had major framerate issues and Rocksteady isn’t working on the title.
Video #6: Mario Kart 8 Wii-U E3 2013 Interview
June 20th 2013
Oh hey, he didn’t call it a review. Progress.
*reads description* “Checking out this long awaited title” Long-awaited? Since when exactly? Since the last Mario Kart? Mario Kart 7 came out a year and a half ago. Not really a long time.
“It’s been a really long time since we’ve seen a Mario Kart game for a console” Oh he meant on consoles because apparently handhelds no longer count. You should realize by now that Nintendo releases only one Mario Kart game per console. Once MK8 comes out, no more Mario Karts until the next new console/handheld (whichever comes first).
Chris comments on new power-ups and mentions the Fire Flower. That’s not new, it was in Mario Kart 7. Maybe if you bothered to play it…
The rep mentions being able to race with up to 12 people online, and Bores compliments that as a “major upgrade”. It’s not, 12 players was possible in Mario Kart Wii, and you played that game! I remember that review, it had you whining about the “lame intro” for no reason.
“I’m really Chain-Chomping at the bit for this game!” Uggggggggggggggggggggggh. Don’t encourage him Nintendo rep!
The video ends with a clip of his racer falling into water. Ha! Then it’s ruined by a staged “shocked” reaction.
Video #7: Mario Kart 8 Wii-U (3 Stages) Play through E3 2013 (no audio) IG plays Review
June 21st 2013
Exclusive to YouTube
Good lord that’s a long title.
And I see he’s back to calling things that aren’t reviews “reviews”. So much for progress. Hell, he even mentions the Mario Kart 8 interview in the description and calls it a review. Ugh.
Anywho, it’s as the title says. It’s footage of Mario Kart 8 with no audio. Pointless really if you watched E3 coverage.
Video #8: Sonic Lost World Wii-U E3 2013 Interview Preview
June 21st 2013
*reads description* “The newest Sonic Installment races back to the wii-u” Back to the Wii U? This is the first Sonic game for the system. No, Sonic & All-Stars Racing Transformed doesn’t count, that’s a racing game. This is the first official Sonic plat former a/la Sonic Colors or Generations. Had he said “races to the Wii U” I wouldn’t have called this out.
At first, it’s just the usual blaaaaah.
Then the rep spoils part of the story. Thanks asshole, it’s not like I was actually interested in Sonic meets Mario Galaxy.
Bores mentions the Deadly Six are the first new memorable villain since Knuckles in Sonic 3. What about Chaos in Sonic Adventure? He was pretty memorable. Granted, that would imply Bores has played Sonic Adventure and hasn’t made it obvious the first 3D Sonic game he played was Unleashed.
At the end, the rep mentions their three-game partnership with Nintendo and that the third game is a mystery. Bores comments “now there’s a spoiler”. How? That’s been known since Sonic Lost World was announced.
*checks calendar* Oh it’s Friday. I think I’ll post a new E3 recap every Friday until he’s done.
What will happen next? Will Bores look at a first-person shooter? Will he praise the Xbox One’s now gone DRM policies (keep in mind this content was filmed before that announcement) Will I give a fuck?
Wednesday, June 5, 2013
Reminder: E3 starts on June 10th
It's almost that time again. Where everything about the next year or two in gaming is revealed.
This year is going to be special as it's new console time. With Microsoft manage to win back the people after a disastrous reveal and the information that followed? Will Sony show what the PS4 is truly capable of? Will Nintendo finally give people a reason to buy Wii U, while reimbursing current owners with an Ambassador program similar to the 3DS? We'll just have to wait and see.
The chaos begins next Monday at 12 PM Eastern, 9 AM Pacific with Microsoft's conference. If the last two years are anything to go by, it's going to be a Kinect-tinted trainwreck.
Of course, Bores is going because GotGame is run by morons that won't pay for the actual talent to go. Aqualung? ReviewTechUSA? Yuriofwind? Give these people a chance and leave Bores in the dust.
I predict his videos will start going up the Monday after the event ends (June 17th), which at this point would be pointless since everything he'll cover will have been on the internet for days.
That's it for now. If your tolerance of console fanboys is low, avoid the internet next week.
This year is going to be special as it's new console time. With Microsoft manage to win back the people after a disastrous reveal and the information that followed? Will Sony show what the PS4 is truly capable of? Will Nintendo finally give people a reason to buy Wii U, while reimbursing current owners with an Ambassador program similar to the 3DS? We'll just have to wait and see.
The chaos begins next Monday at 12 PM Eastern, 9 AM Pacific with Microsoft's conference. If the last two years are anything to go by, it's going to be a Kinect-tinted trainwreck.
Of course, Bores is going because GotGame is run by morons that won't pay for the actual talent to go. Aqualung? ReviewTechUSA? Yuriofwind? Give these people a chance and leave Bores in the dust.
I predict his videos will start going up the Monday after the event ends (June 17th), which at this point would be pointless since everything he'll cover will have been on the internet for days.
That's it for now. If your tolerance of console fanboys is low, avoid the internet next week.
Tuesday, May 21, 2013
My Sensors Indicate Massive Amounts of Stupidity. Diplomacy Seems Impossible.
Wow, another retro review? That’s three this year, If he gets out one more, then he’ll have made more retro reviews this year than he did in 2011 and 2012. Year of the Irate Gamer? As if!
As by the title, he’s going to look at Star Trek. If you’re questioning whether this has anything to do with the latest movie, don’t worry, Bores once again puts the title of the latest movie at the end of the video’s title in all lower-case, just like GI Joe. Cause YouTube whoring is awesome!
Is this going to be his theme this year? Games based on new movies? If that’s the case, we’ll probably see reviews of Superman NES, Wolverine NES, and the Smurfs NES later this year.
Off-topic but I did see Star Trek Into Darkness. It was okay. Action was pretty good and Benedict Cumberbatch was awesome as always (GO WATCH SHERLOCK), but it retreads specific (spoiler-iffic) TOS plotlines, you’re just better off watching the original show and movies.
Anywho, onto the nine and a half minute review (which is long by his standards).
0:18 - 0:30: He’s going to check out Star Trek: 25th Anniversary for the NES. Only logical conclusion really, there’s one other Star Trek NES game and it’s based on TNG, while the movie is a reboot of TOS.
He asks ROB if that’s cool, and he nods in agreement while wearing a … badge for the Data Fanclub. Why? Because both are robotic? The two are nothing alike. Data is a sentient android constantly dealing with issues of emotion and humanity. Your version of ROB is as silent sycophant that agrees with everything you do a/la 2600theatari. But really, this is all Bores going “check out my awesome stop-motion!”
0:31 - 1:00: IG begins his look at- wait, Ultra Games? That’s Konami! Well, add another Konami game to the list. I swear he’s reviewed more Konami games than any other publisher.
He notes the game starts with an explanation of the Enterprise getting hit with an anomaly. He notices that every cast member from TOS is there, and he lists every main cast member! Not even a minute in and we already have padding.
Also, no mention on how Spock looks super-tan and kind of deformed?
And we can’t have IG listing off things without some stupid joke, in this case it’s Bores playing “Lieutenant Drunkard”, a beer-swilling red-shirt. That was awful. At least I can take solace in knowing his red shirt marks him for death.
1:01 - 1:42: IG begins the game proper and goes over what to do. He sees a bizarre dancing man and um, reacts or something. Not sure what he was trying to convey, you’d think all the weeks without videos would be spent improving his acting.
He lists some of the hostile enemies (not showing them, but showing the text that mentions them), then brings up that the Shaman can protect you from one of them. He wonders what’s in the other huts, walks into one and finds… the old man from The Legend of Zelda. Well, that wasn’t funny either. Is it that hard for Bores to derive comedy from the game itself, without having to edit in other unrelated games?
1:42 - 2:35: He heads into the swamp and finds the “beast”, he fires at it and is informed that he merely stunned it. IG doesn’t like that and sets his phaser to Full (no mention on why it’s not kill?) and kills another beast, but Spock informs him that it’s unwise to kill the life forms. IG gets pissed because they’re attacking him, and the game wants him to leave them alone. Nooo, the game wants you to stun the enemies. That’s why your phaser has two settings. You act like killing is the only option even though the game tells you that isn’t the case. It would be like playing Metal Gear Solid 2 and brute forcing your way through instead of using stealth.
Eventually, Kirk, Spock and McCoy are injured and beamed back aboard the Enterprise.
He goes back down to find the eye they’re searching for and… he edits in the Eye of Sauron from Lord of the Rings. Hello? Purpose? Point? Humor? This isn’t funny.
2:36 - 3:35: IG reaches the temple with the Led Zeppelin IV logos (no he doesn’t mention this) and find it booby-trapped. He explains that you need to follow the tiles in the order given outside the room, saying a pen & paper is required to draw them down. He claims he doesn’t need it as his memory is as sharp as a tack. HAHAHAHAHAHA! Says Mr. “I don’t remember most of the games I review”.
This leads into him attempting the puzzle by memory and failing each time. After the fourth time he knocks over all the stuff on top of his game shelf. At least those weren’t games, just empty energy drink cans.
He reaches the other end, to a room full of dilithium crystals. He takes one but Spock tells him that’s all he can take. Bores says “fuck that” and he can do what he wants, so he takes them all (which is an edit since you can’t take them all) and he edits in the planet exploding. Cause explosions = humor to him.
3:36 - 4:41: IG heads for the next planet, Cappa, which is odd as this walkthrough I’m reading says Cappa can’t be visited. Then we get another scene of Drunkard, he wants to meet hot green space babes, then he flirts with the sprite of Uhura. Errgh. What’s the point of this character? Did Bores just want to do a bit where he acted like a frat boy?
He sets his destination and we get a bit where it goes ultra fast and Bores feels it, when the ship stops he falls over. Man, if NES games do this to him, Oculus Rift is going to melt his mind.
“Gosh damn it!” Ugh, talk like a normal person!
He reaches Cappa but can’t go to the surface due to extreme temperature. I find it strange that when he reads the text he sounds angry, but it cuts to him and he tries to brush it off like it’s nothing. Consistent acting? Never heard of it!
He heads to Apandana (which he can’t pronounce, even though it looks easy) but can’t visit that one either due to a gaseous atmosphere. “You can’t even spell gaseous right!” Of course, it’s the “spelling princible”.
Then Drunkard appears again and insults IG, saying they’re worse at this than… I have no idea what he’s saying. A fringing atar? I’m not sure how IG could tell he was getting insulted when he wasn’t even looking at him, he was looking off to the side. I know I’ve given Bores flack for staring at the camera, but those were lame attempts at a “Jim Halpert style glance” after an awful joke. If he wants to give off the illusion that Frat Boy is insulting IG, he needs to look at the camera.
Offended by this, IG presses a button and somehow beams Drunkard down onto the planet, where he chokes to death on the gas. Holy shit! That was needlessly cruel! I know the character was annoying and I even predicted he would die (red shirt) but I didn’t expect it to be that awful! I thought it would be a Gorn or a Klingon or something. You’re the hero! You’re not supposed to do this!
4:42 - 5:36: IG finally manages to make to the next destination, Lekythos, where he needs to find more dilithium. There’ a bit where Spock’s Enterprise sprite is scanning for life forms, and for some reason IG keeps focus on that for a few seconds. What’s wrong with it?
He goes down to the planet, mentioning we should bring a geologist to grab a mineral that moves a robot. When it doesn’t work (I think he needs Spock to repair it first), he… grabs his Legend of Zelda cartridge, claims “Time to Zelda this bitch”, places it on his NES controller, somehow summons the menu from the game, and plants a bomb to destroy it. WHAT? Wha… what? I… don’t… I… What the hell was all that about? Nothing about that made sense! Ow, my head hurts.
5:37 - 6:16: The landing party reaches a door that Spock informs will require a phaser fire to destroy. “Alright, about time we get to blow some shit up” Because that’s exactly what Star Trek was about. I think the Abrams movies have tainted your mind.
When the door isn’t destroyed after multiple phaser blasts, IG says it’s another puzzle. Rather, the “narrator” says that and IG responds to him “Another puzzle?” The “narrator” responds back “I know, what a bitch!” Oh noes, how dare they include puzzles in an adventure game! Next you’ll tell me there’s too many puzzles in Monkey Island or Sam & Max.
Oh, and he says the door is made out of “asstonium”. You’re really making this difficult not to bring up the other guy, you know that right?
He completes the “puzzle” by getting the security officer off the ship and helping to destroy the door. Then the officer dies because he’s a red shirt.
6:17 - 7:13: It cuts to him leaving the planet as he heads into the Romulan Empire. He encounters a Romulan ship and enters Red Alert, turning his room red.
Spock informs him that offensive action could lead to war, but IG says “fuck logic” and wants to kill instead. How very DarkSydePhil.
Followed by a montage where Bores brings back his Pac-Man Fever and messes with the controller like a dumbass.
Of course, he loses because that was the wrong course of action. He learns that we were supposed to reason with them and we would progress with the game. Diplomacy in a Star Trek game? Wow, it’s almost like it’s trying to be like the show! *headdesk headdesk headdesk*
But instead, he loses and gets kicked out of Starfleet. Then…he does the “KHAAAAN” scream. No! That is not relevant here! You were defeated by Romulans, not Khan! Just because you’re doing something Star Trek related, doesn’t give you the right to use that.
7:14 - 7:44: IG then resorts to using passwords. Of course…
He reaches the next planet, and gets to a part with a green-skinned alien woman. Bores uses his perv voice and tells the others to leave him alone for some privacy. Then he places a giant censored bar over Kirk and the green woman, with porno music. Jeez, this is more juvenile than that one Alice Eve scene in Into Darkness (it was in the trailer, you know the one).
Then out of nowhere, he says we meet celebrities like “the Gorn”, a second name I can’t understand (enunciate Chris), Mr. Clean (a bald bouncer in the game) and… Jamie Farr. What does he have to do with Star Trek? This is all placed over a star-backdrop while Bores pretends he’s an announcer. I don’t know what’s going on anymore! This is pain.
7:45 - 8:10: IG reaches the planet where it all started, makes a reference to “lighting farts on fire” for some reason, then notes what really happened. Someone in Starfleet left their communicator on, causing a giant explosion. He asks who’s dumb enough to do that… cutting to a dead Drunkard… who farts. Remind me how Bores doesn’t resort to toilet humor?
8:11 - 9:08: He notes that in order to prevent the explosion, they need to go back in time. He tells Spock to start, and we get more focus on his nodding sprite. “What is this game even rated?” Wait, you think that looks suggestive? He’s nodding his head! He’s also standing! How can he do something suggestive when… fuck you. Just, fuck you!
He travels back to old Iotia and goes over the long process of what to do. *tap tap tap tap tap* REALLY making this hard.
He brings up how we can kill gangsters but then complains about how we couldn’t kill animals. Probably because the gangsters were armed with intent to kill! The animals were just animals.
The video ends with IG beating the game and telling Mr. Sulu to warp him out. But that’s not all, there’s a post-credits stinger where the Enterprise arrives at … Planet Chippendale’s. Oh wow, a “George Takei is gay” joke, keep it classy you asshat.
That was just all kinds of terrible. So unfunny, so much missing the point, and his Star Trek knowledge just seemed to relate to fairly basic memes. He didn’t seem to understand that this was an adventure game, and that puzzles are common in those. He’d probably feel more comfortable with the newest Star Trek game, that one is more his “Blow shit up” mentality.
Also, no storyline. What a surprise…
Next big movie based on an old franchise to come out is Man of Steel. Think he’ll do that Superman review he promised back in 2008? We’ll see.
As by the title, he’s going to look at Star Trek. If you’re questioning whether this has anything to do with the latest movie, don’t worry, Bores once again puts the title of the latest movie at the end of the video’s title in all lower-case, just like GI Joe. Cause YouTube whoring is awesome!
Is this going to be his theme this year? Games based on new movies? If that’s the case, we’ll probably see reviews of Superman NES, Wolverine NES, and the Smurfs NES later this year.
Off-topic but I did see Star Trek Into Darkness. It was okay. Action was pretty good and Benedict Cumberbatch was awesome as always (GO WATCH SHERLOCK), but it retreads specific (spoiler-iffic) TOS plotlines, you’re just better off watching the original show and movies.
Anywho, onto the nine and a half minute review (which is long by his standards).
0:18 - 0:30: He’s going to check out Star Trek: 25th Anniversary for the NES. Only logical conclusion really, there’s one other Star Trek NES game and it’s based on TNG, while the movie is a reboot of TOS.
He asks ROB if that’s cool, and he nods in agreement while wearing a … badge for the Data Fanclub. Why? Because both are robotic? The two are nothing alike. Data is a sentient android constantly dealing with issues of emotion and humanity. Your version of ROB is as silent sycophant that agrees with everything you do a/la 2600theatari. But really, this is all Bores going “check out my awesome stop-motion!”
0:31 - 1:00: IG begins his look at- wait, Ultra Games? That’s Konami! Well, add another Konami game to the list. I swear he’s reviewed more Konami games than any other publisher.
He notes the game starts with an explanation of the Enterprise getting hit with an anomaly. He notices that every cast member from TOS is there, and he lists every main cast member! Not even a minute in and we already have padding.
Also, no mention on how Spock looks super-tan and kind of deformed?
And we can’t have IG listing off things without some stupid joke, in this case it’s Bores playing “Lieutenant Drunkard”, a beer-swilling red-shirt. That was awful. At least I can take solace in knowing his red shirt marks him for death.
1:01 - 1:42: IG begins the game proper and goes over what to do. He sees a bizarre dancing man and um, reacts or something. Not sure what he was trying to convey, you’d think all the weeks without videos would be spent improving his acting.
He lists some of the hostile enemies (not showing them, but showing the text that mentions them), then brings up that the Shaman can protect you from one of them. He wonders what’s in the other huts, walks into one and finds… the old man from The Legend of Zelda. Well, that wasn’t funny either. Is it that hard for Bores to derive comedy from the game itself, without having to edit in other unrelated games?
1:42 - 2:35: He heads into the swamp and finds the “beast”, he fires at it and is informed that he merely stunned it. IG doesn’t like that and sets his phaser to Full (no mention on why it’s not kill?) and kills another beast, but Spock informs him that it’s unwise to kill the life forms. IG gets pissed because they’re attacking him, and the game wants him to leave them alone. Nooo, the game wants you to stun the enemies. That’s why your phaser has two settings. You act like killing is the only option even though the game tells you that isn’t the case. It would be like playing Metal Gear Solid 2 and brute forcing your way through instead of using stealth.
Eventually, Kirk, Spock and McCoy are injured and beamed back aboard the Enterprise.
He goes back down to find the eye they’re searching for and… he edits in the Eye of Sauron from Lord of the Rings. Hello? Purpose? Point? Humor? This isn’t funny.
2:36 - 3:35: IG reaches the temple with the Led Zeppelin IV logos (no he doesn’t mention this) and find it booby-trapped. He explains that you need to follow the tiles in the order given outside the room, saying a pen & paper is required to draw them down. He claims he doesn’t need it as his memory is as sharp as a tack. HAHAHAHAHAHA! Says Mr. “I don’t remember most of the games I review”.
This leads into him attempting the puzzle by memory and failing each time. After the fourth time he knocks over all the stuff on top of his game shelf. At least those weren’t games, just empty energy drink cans.
He reaches the other end, to a room full of dilithium crystals. He takes one but Spock tells him that’s all he can take. Bores says “fuck that” and he can do what he wants, so he takes them all (which is an edit since you can’t take them all) and he edits in the planet exploding. Cause explosions = humor to him.
3:36 - 4:41: IG heads for the next planet, Cappa, which is odd as this walkthrough I’m reading says Cappa can’t be visited. Then we get another scene of Drunkard, he wants to meet hot green space babes, then he flirts with the sprite of Uhura. Errgh. What’s the point of this character? Did Bores just want to do a bit where he acted like a frat boy?
He sets his destination and we get a bit where it goes ultra fast and Bores feels it, when the ship stops he falls over. Man, if NES games do this to him, Oculus Rift is going to melt his mind.
“Gosh damn it!” Ugh, talk like a normal person!
He reaches Cappa but can’t go to the surface due to extreme temperature. I find it strange that when he reads the text he sounds angry, but it cuts to him and he tries to brush it off like it’s nothing. Consistent acting? Never heard of it!
He heads to Apandana (which he can’t pronounce, even though it looks easy) but can’t visit that one either due to a gaseous atmosphere. “You can’t even spell gaseous right!” Of course, it’s the “spelling princible”.
Then Drunkard appears again and insults IG, saying they’re worse at this than… I have no idea what he’s saying. A fringing atar? I’m not sure how IG could tell he was getting insulted when he wasn’t even looking at him, he was looking off to the side. I know I’ve given Bores flack for staring at the camera, but those were lame attempts at a “Jim Halpert style glance” after an awful joke. If he wants to give off the illusion that Frat Boy is insulting IG, he needs to look at the camera.
Offended by this, IG presses a button and somehow beams Drunkard down onto the planet, where he chokes to death on the gas. Holy shit! That was needlessly cruel! I know the character was annoying and I even predicted he would die (red shirt) but I didn’t expect it to be that awful! I thought it would be a Gorn or a Klingon or something. You’re the hero! You’re not supposed to do this!
4:42 - 5:36: IG finally manages to make to the next destination, Lekythos, where he needs to find more dilithium. There’ a bit where Spock’s Enterprise sprite is scanning for life forms, and for some reason IG keeps focus on that for a few seconds. What’s wrong with it?
He goes down to the planet, mentioning we should bring a geologist to grab a mineral that moves a robot. When it doesn’t work (I think he needs Spock to repair it first), he… grabs his Legend of Zelda cartridge, claims “Time to Zelda this bitch”, places it on his NES controller, somehow summons the menu from the game, and plants a bomb to destroy it. WHAT? Wha… what? I… don’t… I… What the hell was all that about? Nothing about that made sense! Ow, my head hurts.
5:37 - 6:16: The landing party reaches a door that Spock informs will require a phaser fire to destroy. “Alright, about time we get to blow some shit up” Because that’s exactly what Star Trek was about. I think the Abrams movies have tainted your mind.
When the door isn’t destroyed after multiple phaser blasts, IG says it’s another puzzle. Rather, the “narrator” says that and IG responds to him “Another puzzle?” The “narrator” responds back “I know, what a bitch!” Oh noes, how dare they include puzzles in an adventure game! Next you’ll tell me there’s too many puzzles in Monkey Island or Sam & Max.
Oh, and he says the door is made out of “asstonium”. You’re really making this difficult not to bring up the other guy, you know that right?
He completes the “puzzle” by getting the security officer off the ship and helping to destroy the door. Then the officer dies because he’s a red shirt.
6:17 - 7:13: It cuts to him leaving the planet as he heads into the Romulan Empire. He encounters a Romulan ship and enters Red Alert, turning his room red.
Spock informs him that offensive action could lead to war, but IG says “fuck logic” and wants to kill instead. How very DarkSydePhil.
Followed by a montage where Bores brings back his Pac-Man Fever and messes with the controller like a dumbass.
Of course, he loses because that was the wrong course of action. He learns that we were supposed to reason with them and we would progress with the game. Diplomacy in a Star Trek game? Wow, it’s almost like it’s trying to be like the show! *headdesk headdesk headdesk*
But instead, he loses and gets kicked out of Starfleet. Then…he does the “KHAAAAN” scream. No! That is not relevant here! You were defeated by Romulans, not Khan! Just because you’re doing something Star Trek related, doesn’t give you the right to use that.
7:14 - 7:44: IG then resorts to using passwords. Of course…
He reaches the next planet, and gets to a part with a green-skinned alien woman. Bores uses his perv voice and tells the others to leave him alone for some privacy. Then he places a giant censored bar over Kirk and the green woman, with porno music. Jeez, this is more juvenile than that one Alice Eve scene in Into Darkness (it was in the trailer, you know the one).
Then out of nowhere, he says we meet celebrities like “the Gorn”, a second name I can’t understand (enunciate Chris), Mr. Clean (a bald bouncer in the game) and… Jamie Farr. What does he have to do with Star Trek? This is all placed over a star-backdrop while Bores pretends he’s an announcer. I don’t know what’s going on anymore! This is pain.
7:45 - 8:10: IG reaches the planet where it all started, makes a reference to “lighting farts on fire” for some reason, then notes what really happened. Someone in Starfleet left their communicator on, causing a giant explosion. He asks who’s dumb enough to do that… cutting to a dead Drunkard… who farts. Remind me how Bores doesn’t resort to toilet humor?
8:11 - 9:08: He notes that in order to prevent the explosion, they need to go back in time. He tells Spock to start, and we get more focus on his nodding sprite. “What is this game even rated?” Wait, you think that looks suggestive? He’s nodding his head! He’s also standing! How can he do something suggestive when… fuck you. Just, fuck you!
He travels back to old Iotia and goes over the long process of what to do. *tap tap tap tap tap* REALLY making this hard.
He brings up how we can kill gangsters but then complains about how we couldn’t kill animals. Probably because the gangsters were armed with intent to kill! The animals were just animals.
The video ends with IG beating the game and telling Mr. Sulu to warp him out. But that’s not all, there’s a post-credits stinger where the Enterprise arrives at … Planet Chippendale’s. Oh wow, a “George Takei is gay” joke, keep it classy you asshat.
That was just all kinds of terrible. So unfunny, so much missing the point, and his Star Trek knowledge just seemed to relate to fairly basic memes. He didn’t seem to understand that this was an adventure game, and that puzzles are common in those. He’d probably feel more comfortable with the newest Star Trek game, that one is more his “Blow shit up” mentality.
Also, no storyline. What a surprise…
Next big movie based on an old franchise to come out is Man of Steel. Think he’ll do that Superman review he promised back in 2008? We’ll see.
Wednesday, May 15, 2013
Waiting for a Bus
So... anything yet? Doesn't look like it. Can't he just admit that he has a non-YouTube job or something? Then we wouldn't be so hard on his poor schedule. But no, this is what he claims is his job. In the real world, someone that skimps on their work or puts little effort into their job usually gets fired.
There's gotta be something. *checks GotGame* Oh... he did another E3 floor plan map thing. NOBODY CARES!
We get it, you're going to E3 again because GotGame desperately needs traffic. You're lucky that GotGame is run by morons that haven't fired you years ago for crap like Video Game Roundup or the 3-in-1.
By the way, THIS is how you do a Kickstarter parody: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ms8A7aTYrTc
There's gotta be something. *checks GotGame* Oh... he did another E3 floor plan map thing. NOBODY CARES!
We get it, you're going to E3 again because GotGame desperately needs traffic. You're lucky that GotGame is run by morons that haven't fired you years ago for crap like Video Game Roundup or the 3-in-1.
By the way, THIS is how you do a Kickstarter parody: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ms8A7aTYrTc
Friday, April 26, 2013
Will There Be No Justice for Injustice? It's IG, What Do You Expect?
You know, after watching a 2 and a half hour video of DarkSydePhil painfully fumble his way through Metal Gear Solid 3, I realized something. This is exactly how Bores would do a blind Let’s Play. He’d blame the game for his own faults, he’d crack jokes non-stop, and he would act like a child. Good thing Bores hasn’t discovered Let’s Plays, otherwise we’d get a crap-ton of Minecraft videos, or whatever the big popular game is right now.
Anywho, new video. His first Neo video since January. Injustice: Gods Among Us. Huh, funny how we all predicted he’d do this one. I thought it wouldn’t be for another few months considering how long he takes. But he managed to get it out within a fortnight of release. Let’s see how much of the game he actually played.
0:06 - 0:15: IG begins the video claiming he got a lot of requests to review it. Uh huh, yeah I’m sure. It’s not like you’re predictable considering how often you gush about Mortal Kombat and that you’re a self-proclaimed DC fanboy, and this a DC fighting game from Netherrealm Studios, the people behind the latest MK. No no, it was the fans.
He holds up the box, then throws it. DON’T DO THAT! Stop treating your games like props! You never show respect to your games!
0:16 - 0:41: He starts up saying this new “brawling” game is from the creators of the MK reboot. Care to say the studio’s name?
He brings up that it has all our DC Comics characters, and some “not-so-favorites”. He has Raven on screen when he mentions this. What’s wrong with Raven? Do you not like the Teen Titans? Because I know a few people that will kick your ass with words.
Then he goes to characters that he doesn’t recognize. So you’re a “big comic book fan” and you claim there’s characters you can’t recognize. I’m looking at the roster and there’s no obscure characters. I don’t see crap like Brother Power of the Geek, Captain Carrot, or the rapist version of Doctor Light.
The footage is on Killer Frost, then it cuts to IG wondering who that is. Then… *sighs* Comic Book Guy from The Simpsons appears and tells him she’s a Firestorm villain. Ugh, was that needed? Yes yes, comic books but if Chris is claiming to be a big comic book fan going by his movie lists, then he should try to act the part. Not do a stupid bit with a Simpsons character.
By the way, I love how one of the only comments (GotGame) calls it a “Matt Groening cameo”. That’s funny, I always thought CBG was played by Hank Azaria.
0:42 - 1:33: Characters are awesome, they come out swinging, they do cool things…
“Once a character hits their limit break” Again Chris, this isn’t Final Fantasy. It’s called a special, or a super move. Not a “limit break”. Learn your fucking terminology.
He mentions that some specials like Harley Quinn’s (you’re saying it wrong) aren’t that cool, and that some specials like The Flash’s make you wonder why the others aren’t this cool. Because Harley doesn’t have any superpowers, and the Flash is the fastest man alive. She’s kind of limited to what she can do, she’s not going to reenact the finale to the JLU episode “Divided We Fall” and run around the world to deliver a megaton punch.
After showing The Flash doing that, IG yells “Shazam” and gets hit by lightning. As if he wasn’t enough of a Mary Sue, he now has the powers of Shazam, that’s great. Oh wait, it was a joke because he didn’t get up. ………….
“Who know Aquaman was so powerful?” Anyone that read the comics? He rules the oceans, commands every fish in the sea, including sharks! He has super strength and durability. This perception of Aquaman being crap is only enforced by shitty comedy writers (E.G. Family Guy and Robot Chicken).
1:34 - 2:20: IG moves on to the story. He found it enjoyable and he managed to power through within two days. Wait, he actually beat it?
He claims that’s “rare” because he likes to … play a little at a time and… savor it like a … fine…wine. BULL! SHIT! Savor like a fine wine, give me a damn break. There’s so many games you’ve played for IG Neo that you only played for one or two hours, and then decide” Yup, that’s good enough”. That’s not “savoring”, that’s being lazy! That almost sounded like a response to the critics calling him out for not beating every game he reviews. Hey moron, ever consider that you’re exempt from not beating shitty NES games because of bad design? You don’t have that luxury with modern games, even if the controls are busted you have endless checkpoints and places to save, games these days love to hold your damn hand.
See, this is why Bores will never do things like Let’s Plays or livestreams, he’s laaaazy! That and a livestream chat would be trolled soooo hard.
Oh wait, this was all setting up a joke. Of course it was… IG is in a suit, holding a glass of wine and some flower saying that they’re “very cultured”, and then he drops his flower and yells “shit!” Hypocritical humor, because he just said he was cultured…
He summarizes the story and that DC fans will love this game (as it cuts to IG reading a Green Lantern TPB and wearing a Batman shirt shouting “Wooo”) and… Marvel fans will be jealous that they don’t have this “epic game” (cutting to IG reading an X-Men TPB and looking angry). Why did you bring up the Marvel fans? There was no reason to bring up the Marvel fans.
I love how he isn’t even wearing a Marvel related t-shirt. Couldn’t fully to the bit, now that’s sad.
2:21 - 2:50: He mentions Easter Eggs, like Hal Jordan being a Yellow Lantern (not an Easter Egg, it’s plot related) and then mentions they got Kevin Conroy to voice Batman (this surprises you?) and George Newbern as Superman from the “iconic cartoon series”. Actually, Newbern was Superman in Justice League and JLU. Tim Daly was Superman in The Animated Series. But that little research probably took away from your busy job of………….
2:51 - 3:34: IG then moves onto the negatives. And he says he can’t find any. Figures… because actually being critical is for neeeeerds.
Oh but he has stupid nitpicks. He found Wonder Woman’s breasts distracting since they were trying to go for “realism”. At least Power Girl isn’t the game… and you played MK9 you should have expected buxom women.
He also didn’t like that all you get for beating story mode is a new costume for Superman. What were you expecting? It’s a fighting game, the rewards aren’t going to be that amazing. It’s not like an RPG with New Game Plus that allows you to take all your stats into a new game and allow you to punish everything that gave you trouble at the start.
Oh and another lame Comic Book Guy bit. Whatever…
He mentions that the game will have DLC so if you’re hoping for Booster Gold or Blue Beetle, you might get it. Then it cuts to IG dressed as the leader of the Booster Gold fan club, he’s wearing a wig and an Injustice shirt. Why not a Booster Gold shirt? Then it transitions to IG saying “God help us all” and putting his hand on his face. What’s that expression meant to be? He’s such a bad actor it’s hard to tell.
There’s a 1% chance he’s right though, the only DLC character we know of is Lobo. But we’ll see what happens.
The video ends with his usual final verdict. He liked it. … Weak. At least there was no lame joke.
This review was… eeeeeeeeeeeeh. Certainly not the worst, but by no means good. As usual, no mention of online or even the controls for that matter. Just the story mode and some other things that really don’t matter in the overall scheme of things. Plus the lame lame Comic Book Guy bits. At least the Fall of Cybertron review had a character from Transformers, even though he’s just leftover from a pointless bit in his regular show. Why was he there? Because comic books? That’s a flimsy excuse.
I’ll give him credit for not mentioning he played this at E3. I guess he does listen, despite his mother’s abrasive insults.
I'll also give him credit for not wondering where the fatalities are. Anyone that asked that was stupid, and I'm not just talking about Bores.
Speaking of E3, I’m looking at the stuff he covered last year. I’m surprised he didn’t review God of War Ascension, unless he’s going to be late to that one. Star Trek just came out to pretty negative reviews. But I get the feeling he’ll give it a positive one because “Star Trek” and “gwaphics” (even though the game doesn’t really look that good).
This year’s E3? June 11th-13th. So the 3-4 weeks following that will be all boring E3 videos of info we could have gotten in five minutes through a Google search.
Anywho, new video. His first Neo video since January. Injustice: Gods Among Us. Huh, funny how we all predicted he’d do this one. I thought it wouldn’t be for another few months considering how long he takes. But he managed to get it out within a fortnight of release. Let’s see how much of the game he actually played.
0:06 - 0:15: IG begins the video claiming he got a lot of requests to review it. Uh huh, yeah I’m sure. It’s not like you’re predictable considering how often you gush about Mortal Kombat and that you’re a self-proclaimed DC fanboy, and this a DC fighting game from Netherrealm Studios, the people behind the latest MK. No no, it was the fans.
He holds up the box, then throws it. DON’T DO THAT! Stop treating your games like props! You never show respect to your games!
0:16 - 0:41: He starts up saying this new “brawling” game is from the creators of the MK reboot. Care to say the studio’s name?
He brings up that it has all our DC Comics characters, and some “not-so-favorites”. He has Raven on screen when he mentions this. What’s wrong with Raven? Do you not like the Teen Titans? Because I know a few people that will kick your ass with words.
Then he goes to characters that he doesn’t recognize. So you’re a “big comic book fan” and you claim there’s characters you can’t recognize. I’m looking at the roster and there’s no obscure characters. I don’t see crap like Brother Power of the Geek, Captain Carrot, or the rapist version of Doctor Light.
The footage is on Killer Frost, then it cuts to IG wondering who that is. Then… *sighs* Comic Book Guy from The Simpsons appears and tells him she’s a Firestorm villain. Ugh, was that needed? Yes yes, comic books but if Chris is claiming to be a big comic book fan going by his movie lists, then he should try to act the part. Not do a stupid bit with a Simpsons character.
By the way, I love how one of the only comments (GotGame) calls it a “Matt Groening cameo”. That’s funny, I always thought CBG was played by Hank Azaria.
0:42 - 1:33: Characters are awesome, they come out swinging, they do cool things…
“Once a character hits their limit break” Again Chris, this isn’t Final Fantasy. It’s called a special, or a super move. Not a “limit break”. Learn your fucking terminology.
He mentions that some specials like Harley Quinn’s (you’re saying it wrong) aren’t that cool, and that some specials like The Flash’s make you wonder why the others aren’t this cool. Because Harley doesn’t have any superpowers, and the Flash is the fastest man alive. She’s kind of limited to what she can do, she’s not going to reenact the finale to the JLU episode “Divided We Fall” and run around the world to deliver a megaton punch.
After showing The Flash doing that, IG yells “Shazam” and gets hit by lightning. As if he wasn’t enough of a Mary Sue, he now has the powers of Shazam, that’s great. Oh wait, it was a joke because he didn’t get up. ………….
“Who know Aquaman was so powerful?” Anyone that read the comics? He rules the oceans, commands every fish in the sea, including sharks! He has super strength and durability. This perception of Aquaman being crap is only enforced by shitty comedy writers (E.G. Family Guy and Robot Chicken).
1:34 - 2:20: IG moves on to the story. He found it enjoyable and he managed to power through within two days. Wait, he actually beat it?
He claims that’s “rare” because he likes to … play a little at a time and… savor it like a … fine…wine. BULL! SHIT! Savor like a fine wine, give me a damn break. There’s so many games you’ve played for IG Neo that you only played for one or two hours, and then decide” Yup, that’s good enough”. That’s not “savoring”, that’s being lazy! That almost sounded like a response to the critics calling him out for not beating every game he reviews. Hey moron, ever consider that you’re exempt from not beating shitty NES games because of bad design? You don’t have that luxury with modern games, even if the controls are busted you have endless checkpoints and places to save, games these days love to hold your damn hand.
See, this is why Bores will never do things like Let’s Plays or livestreams, he’s laaaazy! That and a livestream chat would be trolled soooo hard.
Oh wait, this was all setting up a joke. Of course it was… IG is in a suit, holding a glass of wine and some flower saying that they’re “very cultured”, and then he drops his flower and yells “shit!” Hypocritical humor, because he just said he was cultured…
He summarizes the story and that DC fans will love this game (as it cuts to IG reading a Green Lantern TPB and wearing a Batman shirt shouting “Wooo”) and… Marvel fans will be jealous that they don’t have this “epic game” (cutting to IG reading an X-Men TPB and looking angry). Why did you bring up the Marvel fans? There was no reason to bring up the Marvel fans.
I love how he isn’t even wearing a Marvel related t-shirt. Couldn’t fully to the bit, now that’s sad.
2:21 - 2:50: He mentions Easter Eggs, like Hal Jordan being a Yellow Lantern (not an Easter Egg, it’s plot related) and then mentions they got Kevin Conroy to voice Batman (this surprises you?) and George Newbern as Superman from the “iconic cartoon series”. Actually, Newbern was Superman in Justice League and JLU. Tim Daly was Superman in The Animated Series. But that little research probably took away from your busy job of………….
2:51 - 3:34: IG then moves onto the negatives. And he says he can’t find any. Figures… because actually being critical is for neeeeerds.
Oh but he has stupid nitpicks. He found Wonder Woman’s breasts distracting since they were trying to go for “realism”. At least Power Girl isn’t the game… and you played MK9 you should have expected buxom women.
He also didn’t like that all you get for beating story mode is a new costume for Superman. What were you expecting? It’s a fighting game, the rewards aren’t going to be that amazing. It’s not like an RPG with New Game Plus that allows you to take all your stats into a new game and allow you to punish everything that gave you trouble at the start.
Oh and another lame Comic Book Guy bit. Whatever…
He mentions that the game will have DLC so if you’re hoping for Booster Gold or Blue Beetle, you might get it. Then it cuts to IG dressed as the leader of the Booster Gold fan club, he’s wearing a wig and an Injustice shirt. Why not a Booster Gold shirt? Then it transitions to IG saying “God help us all” and putting his hand on his face. What’s that expression meant to be? He’s such a bad actor it’s hard to tell.
There’s a 1% chance he’s right though, the only DLC character we know of is Lobo. But we’ll see what happens.
The video ends with his usual final verdict. He liked it. … Weak. At least there was no lame joke.
This review was… eeeeeeeeeeeeh. Certainly not the worst, but by no means good. As usual, no mention of online or even the controls for that matter. Just the story mode and some other things that really don’t matter in the overall scheme of things. Plus the lame lame Comic Book Guy bits. At least the Fall of Cybertron review had a character from Transformers, even though he’s just leftover from a pointless bit in his regular show. Why was he there? Because comic books? That’s a flimsy excuse.
I’ll give him credit for not mentioning he played this at E3. I guess he does listen, despite his mother’s abrasive insults.
I'll also give him credit for not wondering where the fatalities are. Anyone that asked that was stupid, and I'm not just talking about Bores.
Speaking of E3, I’m looking at the stuff he covered last year. I’m surprised he didn’t review God of War Ascension, unless he’s going to be late to that one. Star Trek just came out to pretty negative reviews. But I get the feeling he’ll give it a positive one because “Star Trek” and “gwaphics” (even though the game doesn’t really look that good).
This year’s E3? June 11th-13th. So the 3-4 weeks following that will be all boring E3 videos of info we could have gotten in five minutes through a Google search.
Saturday, April 13, 2013
Bores' First Interview in Nearly Four Years!
Well well, my Facebook informant just linked me something interesting. Bores actually did an interview, his first since 2009 (that being for a French gaming site).
The bad news? It's all about Skylanders. Everything he says in the video is related to what he likes or dislikes about the franchise. ... What? Expecting him to actually talk about his own show or his opinion on the gaming industry? HA!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r5oOrbNHruM
The interview was done for "thetitaniumdrago", a YouTube channel that focuses on Skylanders. Not much to say really.
However, this shows that Bores still hasn't recovered from the UNN incident. He only agreed to do an interview if he talked about his favorite new toy and nothing else. I look forward to when Skylanders finally ends and Bores will have all these toys lying around.
It will happen, especially with Disney throwing their hat into the ring with Disney Infinity, and Nintendo showcasing the Wii U's NFC Reader with Pokemon Rumble U. Market saturation will strike again, much like Guitar Hero (remember that Activision? How you released 4-5 games a year and burnt the entire genre out?)
As for what's next... fuck if I know. This has been such a non-active year that it's anyone's guess to what's next.
The bad news? It's all about Skylanders. Everything he says in the video is related to what he likes or dislikes about the franchise. ... What? Expecting him to actually talk about his own show or his opinion on the gaming industry? HA!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r5oOrbNHruM
The interview was done for "thetitaniumdrago", a YouTube channel that focuses on Skylanders. Not much to say really.
However, this shows that Bores still hasn't recovered from the UNN incident. He only agreed to do an interview if he talked about his favorite new toy and nothing else. I look forward to when Skylanders finally ends and Bores will have all these toys lying around.
It will happen, especially with Disney throwing their hat into the ring with Disney Infinity, and Nintendo showcasing the Wii U's NFC Reader with Pokemon Rumble U. Market saturation will strike again, much like Guitar Hero (remember that Activision? How you released 4-5 games a year and burnt the entire genre out?)
As for what's next... fuck if I know. This has been such a non-active year that it's anyone's guess to what's next.
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