We're Stuck in a Limbless Time Loop!

Last week gave us a pitiful Punch-Out playthrough (P is such a fun letter for alliteration) and an absolutely terrible Smash Bros Wii U review. What will we see this week?!

Monday is a Skylanders video. … Yep.
This one going over the newest wave in Trap Team. I do not care at all.
There is one thing to point out though.
In the video, Bores refers to Spotlight, a female dragon, as “he”. When called out on it, Chris, under his “Linda” disguise claims that he “couldn’t tell as she didn’t have breasts”. Hoo boy…
Chris, and it’s obviously him and not “Linda” because even she couldn’t be THIS stupid, there are a multitude of ways to identify a woman. Eyes, hair, arms, legs, hips, waist, body type in general, movement, size (women tend to be shorter than men), speech, all these are just as important as breasts.
In fact, here’s Spotlight at the Skylanders Wiki. Those eyes say “I’m a girl”. If Bores was really confused, he could have easily booted up Trap Team and placed her in the game. Girl voice. Unless part of his Activision deal is that he can’t actually use them in the game until a certain date… but that doesn’t make a lick of sense.
Also, looking at the Female Skylanders there are other quadruped Skylanders that don’t have breasts.
There’s Cynder (also from the Legend of Spyro Trilogy prior to the Skylanders takeover)
Flashwing
Echo
Just to name a few.
This wouldn’t be the first time he confused a Skylander’s gender. In that really short stop-motion video he did, he gave a female Skylander a male voice. Not to mention believing that the Reapers in Kid Icarus are women. This raises way too many questions.

I am surprised May 4th didn’t give us a Star Wars video. Especially since a lot of people did and Bores is a major bandwagon jumper now.

Wednesday is… another Skylanders video.
This one has Bores speculating about the next game in the series. I couldn’t give any possible fucks.
Actually, I do find it interesting that it’s May and we don’t even have a title for the next game. Activision running behind schedule? We already know about the next CoD (or “We’re ripping off Deus Ex: Human Revolution now!”)

Friday is an IG Neo on Rayman Legends. Hold on, didn’t he already review this game?
…
He did! Back in 2013. My recap here: http://irategamersucks.blogspot.com/2013/09/no-arms-and-legs-thats-rayman-no-effort.html
Are you that low on material that you’re re-reviewing games now? Goes to show that his “three videos a week” schedule was a big mistake.
Perhaps there’s more to it though. Legends did come out on PS4 and Xbox One after his original review, maybe it’s one of those versions. He doesn’t specify in the title or description. Perhaps it’s a well-thought out analytical review that goes deep into the mechanics and lev- Pffffft hahahahaha, oh god I couldn’t finish that. The video is only four minutes long, none of that is going to be here.

I’m not going to bother timing this. If Bores isn’t going to try, why should I?

Once again, he is recording the TV with his camera. A major step backwards when the previous review used direct capture. So yeah, anyone that says he’s improving is LYING!
He does not mention that he already reviewed this game. I get the feeling he forgot.

He likes that there’s a lot of characters (he likes lots of characters because he can make lists and not have to do actual reviewing). He lists Sir Rayelot, “the blob” (he means Globox), the Teensy (can‘t tell which one as his quality is awful), and he gets to Barbara and says “there are some female girls you can play as” … Female girls. As opposed to what? This reminds me of one his Haunted Investigators videos where he said the ghosts were “female women”. Does Bores not understand that only one of those words is okay? You don’t need to say both.
He says Sir Rayelot is one of his favorites as he has “cool attacks”. THEY’RE BASICALLY ALL THE SAME! You run, punch, and jump!

There’s lots of levels, you go into them by jumping into a painting (like Super Mario 64 right? No mention of that?), says they’re all cool as they’re all “different”
He reveals he’s playing on the Wii U version (so it’s the same version he reviewed two years ago… why the camera now? Oh right, lazy) and mentions the Murfy levels that require the Game Pad. I’m curious, are these levels on the Vita or PS4 version since they have a touchpad?
He likes the multiplayer… once again without showing any multiplayer. Another reason he fails, he brings up multiplayer without actually showing it. He’s done this way too many times now.

He cuts to another level, mentions that you have to find 10 Teensies (not by name even though he said Teensy earlier). “Some are easy and some are hard” REALLY NOW?!
Cuts to another level… then another… he’s just describing what you do in the level. No thought.
“And in this level” “And in this level” “And in this level” What the hell is this?

He says there’s “another game”. He’s actually referring to the “Back to Origins” levels. Once again, he mispronounces Origins.
“So many levels and……  experiences” THIS IS WHY YOU SCRIPT YOURSELF!

“And that’s why it’s one of my favorite games” Because it has levels? You don’t even go into what makes the game great. You just say that each level is different and don’t explain why that’s a good thing. How it effects the controls or pacing of the game.

What was this?
I think I know. This is something a 9 year old would make. A kid that doesn’t know much about reviews, he sets his camera up and just plays random levels while going “this level is cool… I like this part… this is cool too”. Chris has officially regressed to the level of a grade schooler! This is a man that supposedly went to college for “creative writing” and “video editing”. There is somehow less effort in the Neo reviews now than before. I didn’t even think it was possible!
And no, he never mentions that he already reviewed this game. Yeah I still stand by that he likely forgot he did. How hard is it? Just look in your playlists.

That’s it… see you next week. Gonna play some Splatoon demo.