I know it's been a while since I've done a post. Here's some things that have been happening.
Bores posted more of the History of Video Games documentary from his ... DVD. I didn't bother to cover it as I know most of it is bullshit, especially the "nice e-mails" with Ralph Baer. I know Baer hated the video Bores, quit lying.
He also started another contest for the DVD. You'd think people would realize these videos are a scam when one person has won twice. Ignorance is bliss...
Speaking of lying, here's some stuff from my Facebook informant.
A fan asked if he'll ever post Sonic Generations to YouTube. He responded "no, someone else put that together while I was at E3". Okay, who? Who put it together? The credits say you did all the work. As you can guess, it's a big fat lie. He's too much of a coward to admit his mistake, and places the blame on some person he made up while claiming he had an alibi. An alibi that FAILS because the Sonic Generations video was posted to GotGame on May 30th, and E3 2012 happened June 5th-7th. Unless he flew out long before that, I'm once again calling bullshit.
Chris, admit your mistakes. Don't give us bullshit excuses like "someone else made it" or "my early videos were parodies". If you keep piling the lies, nobody will believe the truth.
Another fan asked about the possibility of a livestream. He responded "maybe one day". Translation: Never. A livestream would require more work than he's willing to put in. It would also be a haven of trolls and haters, no amount of moderation would stop it.
A while back, a fan asked about the Chris & Scottie Road Trip. He responded (and I'm paraphrasing) "It was a special not a series". REALLY?! Is that why you made an entire website it? Is that why the description said to expect new episodes every couple of months? Again, enough with the lying. Just tell us why there was never more episodes.
It's a bottomless pit of stupidity at this point. The light is covered in ignorance, and there's no such thing as shame.
And people are saying IG is getting better? Are you crazy? Did you see that New Super Mario Bros. 2 video? What about that is better than what he used to do? Nothing! It's still lazy, it's still not funny (especially when the jokes are telegraphed from miles away) and it's still stupid. *sighs*
Friday, February 1, 2013
Wednesday, January 23, 2013
Another DVD already? Pay Money for Inaccurate History! Plus, New Painful Fan Art
Here's a thought Bores, maybe you should clear out all the unwanted DVDs you have already before adding more and more of them? Maybe hold more contests giving them away for free since most of your fans would probably have to steal their parents credit cards to get them.
As you can probably tell from the title, he put out another DVD. History of Video Games "The Silver Age". *sighs* Chris, you realize that the Silver Age would refer to the third generation right? NES, Master System, Atari 7800. The Golden Age would refer to the era of the Atari 2600, Intellivison and so on. What your DVD covers is even older than the Golden Age, I wouldn't know what to refer to it as the Ages of Man start at Golden. Though knowing him, he probably got the name from comic books.
So calling the era of Pong, Computer Space and the Fairchild Channel F the Silver Age is horribly inaccurate. Unless he confused "predecessor" and "successor" again. This wouldn't surprise me.
So, what's on the DVD?
Parts 1-5 (which is six videos when you remember Part 2 is in two parts... unless he merged it for the DVD). A horrid value if you ask me.
A 15 minute documentary, I imagine it's the same thing that I recapped nearly two years ago. http://irategamersucks.blogspot.com/2011/03/historically-bad-making-of-or-interview.html
Bloopers because WACKY (it's been a long time since he's put out a blooper reel on YouTube, I wonder if it's still the same "stopping in the middle of a line" nonsense).
And deleted scenes, which I'm hoping were just stupid sketches and not actual history because leaving out history... boy what a hack.
I love how he advertises that it covers from 1961-1977, like that's a huge amount of time. Never mind that in the first video he went from '61 to '71. Sadly I'm sure someone will fall for this, like some Square-Enix fans fell for Final Fantasy: All the Bravest (look it up).
How much is Bores charging this time? Despite having less content than all his other DVDs, he prices it around the same, $15 dollars. Oh wait that's on sale, the regular price is $18 dollars. Double Fine's new game is out now, it's called The Cave, it's only $15 dollars on PSN, XBLA, Nintendo Network and PC. That is a better investment.
Hell, Wii U owners can get Balloon Fight for 30 cents right now. That's a better use of money.
You know, Bores has never capitalized on any of his possible catchphrases or characters. He never sold merch with them on it.
It's obvious Bores is doing all this for money, so where's the catchphrase shirts? The character shirts? Maybe a Wilson, I mean, Wilkins shirt, it's not like you'd get in trouble. ScrewAttack certainly didn't when they sold a shirt with Frog from Chrono Trigger on it and claimed it was a different character.
But no, just a generic ugly shirt with his logo on it.
Also, Bores updated his site to mention that his New Super Mario Bros. 2 review is out. Rather "The New Super Mario Bros 2". I'm beginning to think he's doing that on purpose just to annoy me.
That's all for now. I'm going to pour one out for THQ. They may have not been perfect, but Saints Row and Darksiders were all kinds of fun, and millions enjoyed their WWE titles.
EDIT: Oh look at that, a contest giving away the DVD. What a surprise.
In the video, he notes that he calls it the "Silver Age" because the "Golden Age" comes after it. You moron! That is not how that works! To put it another way, Golden Age comes first, Silver Age comes second, Bronze Age comes third. First, second, third place. How is that so hard?
He also added new fan art to his site. ... Joy. Hmmm, you know I think I can cover it here.
Oh man... Bores completely screwed the order now. He put his title cards in the fan art section now. Tell you what, I'll go by page number and picture to make things easier.
Page 4, Picture 10: Let's start off with a photoshop disaster. I hope you like shitty looking NES games. We get the cover, the back, and the cartridge.
The cover shows the title "The Irate Gamer Game". Say, remember that? How it got re-invented multiple times and never got anywhere outside of concept art? I suspect that those people were scam artists. The picture is Bores in front of fire, because his fans are just as unoriginal as he is.
The back cover contains a story description that I can barely read. It's tiny white text on a black background (already a bad sign) but it's also on top of Bores in a yellow shirt holding a Zapper. That's appealing.
Below the white text is yellow text describing what's in the game.
"Play as Chris Bores, Satan, Joey, and starting for the first time Ronnie" That last one sounds really awkward. Also, is it me or is the idea of playing as Satan really fucked up?
"Armed with a Zapper and a Game Genie to face the shit ahead" Did the artist not realize how stupid this sounded? If he has a Game Genie in the game, then the game is too fucking easy. I would think this was making fun of him if this wasn't so terrible.
"4 Megs of non-stop action featuring 26 levels of fuck" Each level is 5 minutes of Bores laughing at the fact you just bought this game.
The cartridge shows Mega Man sprite Bores in front of fire, and the game is just "The Irate Gamer". It also breaks the rules of NES cover art by having a cartridge that doesn't match with the box. As soon as I say this, I know my readers are going to point out games that don't have a matching cartridge label and box.
Page 4, Picture 11: ... Well, this is different. I know I've made fun of Bores' weight before, and I apologize for that, it was out of line. There's waaaay fatter people out there. However, I didn't think I would see this picture come to be.
What we have is an overly obese Irate Gamer, with a word balloon saying "Face it, candy is ruined!" The screwed-up side of deviantArt is leaking onto the site... besides Karbia.
One thing I can give it is that shows some effort, as in someone took time to actually draw an extremely fat Irate Gamer. ... This isn't fan art is it? I think the use of "x is ruined" gave that away.
Page 4, Picture 12: Chris, what have I said about putting vomit-inducing images on the site? This is unacceptable!
More shitty sprite work, more MS paint, you need to show some standards!
The picture shows IG holding two dildos (that's what they look like, I'm sorry) firing what looks like a lime-strawberry milkshake at the Pixel Demon. Other characters are firing stuff too, including Fire Flower Mario, Simon Belmont with a flame whip, Super Sonic, Dig Dug, and Bill Rizer & Mega Man standing on the body of a brown cow. What hurts it is the background, I think it's meant to be lava.
... Here's a drinking game for you. When browsing through his fan art, take a drink every time you see a picture with a fire background, or something similar to fire.
Page 4, Picture 13: Paper Bores? It looks like paper cut-outs (even though it's not) as Bores is holding up a Shy Guy while standing in front of another one. A tribute to Super Mario Bros. 2. Not really too much to say about this one.
Page 4, Picture 14: Are you tired of Mega Man sprites? TOO BAD! Here's another one. But this time it's Haunted Investigators related. ... Someone actually made Haunted Investigators fan art. This is Johnny Awesome again isn't it? The sprite work is really bad, way worse than what Karbia does.
In fact, I'm pretty sure that's Karbia's IG sprite. The other is Alan and wow I just... I've seen enough.
I know people are asking about the next Redux Recap. It all depends on what Bores does next, and I also don't like doing too many posts at once. I did that years ago and the quality suffered. Be patient.
As you can probably tell from the title, he put out another DVD. History of Video Games "The Silver Age". *sighs* Chris, you realize that the Silver Age would refer to the third generation right? NES, Master System, Atari 7800. The Golden Age would refer to the era of the Atari 2600, Intellivison and so on. What your DVD covers is even older than the Golden Age, I wouldn't know what to refer to it as the Ages of Man start at Golden. Though knowing him, he probably got the name from comic books.
So calling the era of Pong, Computer Space and the Fairchild Channel F the Silver Age is horribly inaccurate. Unless he confused "predecessor" and "successor" again. This wouldn't surprise me.
So, what's on the DVD?
Parts 1-5 (which is six videos when you remember Part 2 is in two parts... unless he merged it for the DVD). A horrid value if you ask me.
A 15 minute documentary, I imagine it's the same thing that I recapped nearly two years ago. http://irategamersucks.blogspot.com/2011/03/historically-bad-making-of-or-interview.html
Bloopers because WACKY (it's been a long time since he's put out a blooper reel on YouTube, I wonder if it's still the same "stopping in the middle of a line" nonsense).
And deleted scenes, which I'm hoping were just stupid sketches and not actual history because leaving out history... boy what a hack.
I love how he advertises that it covers from 1961-1977, like that's a huge amount of time. Never mind that in the first video he went from '61 to '71. Sadly I'm sure someone will fall for this, like some Square-Enix fans fell for Final Fantasy: All the Bravest (look it up).
How much is Bores charging this time? Despite having less content than all his other DVDs, he prices it around the same, $15 dollars. Oh wait that's on sale, the regular price is $18 dollars. Double Fine's new game is out now, it's called The Cave, it's only $15 dollars on PSN, XBLA, Nintendo Network and PC. That is a better investment.
Hell, Wii U owners can get Balloon Fight for 30 cents right now. That's a better use of money.
You know, Bores has never capitalized on any of his possible catchphrases or characters. He never sold merch with them on it.
It's obvious Bores is doing all this for money, so where's the catchphrase shirts? The character shirts? Maybe a Wilson, I mean, Wilkins shirt, it's not like you'd get in trouble. ScrewAttack certainly didn't when they sold a shirt with Frog from Chrono Trigger on it and claimed it was a different character.
But no, just a generic ugly shirt with his logo on it.
Also, Bores updated his site to mention that his New Super Mario Bros. 2 review is out. Rather "The New Super Mario Bros 2". I'm beginning to think he's doing that on purpose just to annoy me.
That's all for now. I'm going to pour one out for THQ. They may have not been perfect, but Saints Row and Darksiders were all kinds of fun, and millions enjoyed their WWE titles.
EDIT: Oh look at that, a contest giving away the DVD. What a surprise.
In the video, he notes that he calls it the "Silver Age" because the "Golden Age" comes after it. You moron! That is not how that works! To put it another way, Golden Age comes first, Silver Age comes second, Bronze Age comes third. First, second, third place. How is that so hard?
He also added new fan art to his site. ... Joy. Hmmm, you know I think I can cover it here.
Oh man... Bores completely screwed the order now. He put his title cards in the fan art section now. Tell you what, I'll go by page number and picture to make things easier.
Page 4, Picture 10: Let's start off with a photoshop disaster. I hope you like shitty looking NES games. We get the cover, the back, and the cartridge.
The cover shows the title "The Irate Gamer Game". Say, remember that? How it got re-invented multiple times and never got anywhere outside of concept art? I suspect that those people were scam artists. The picture is Bores in front of fire, because his fans are just as unoriginal as he is.
The back cover contains a story description that I can barely read. It's tiny white text on a black background (already a bad sign) but it's also on top of Bores in a yellow shirt holding a Zapper. That's appealing.
Below the white text is yellow text describing what's in the game.
"Play as Chris Bores, Satan, Joey, and starting for the first time Ronnie" That last one sounds really awkward. Also, is it me or is the idea of playing as Satan really fucked up?
"Armed with a Zapper and a Game Genie to face the shit ahead" Did the artist not realize how stupid this sounded? If he has a Game Genie in the game, then the game is too fucking easy. I would think this was making fun of him if this wasn't so terrible.
"4 Megs of non-stop action featuring 26 levels of fuck" Each level is 5 minutes of Bores laughing at the fact you just bought this game.
The cartridge shows Mega Man sprite Bores in front of fire, and the game is just "The Irate Gamer". It also breaks the rules of NES cover art by having a cartridge that doesn't match with the box. As soon as I say this, I know my readers are going to point out games that don't have a matching cartridge label and box.
Page 4, Picture 11: ... Well, this is different. I know I've made fun of Bores' weight before, and I apologize for that, it was out of line. There's waaaay fatter people out there. However, I didn't think I would see this picture come to be.
What we have is an overly obese Irate Gamer, with a word balloon saying "Face it, candy is ruined!" The screwed-up side of deviantArt is leaking onto the site... besides Karbia.
One thing I can give it is that shows some effort, as in someone took time to actually draw an extremely fat Irate Gamer. ... This isn't fan art is it? I think the use of "x is ruined" gave that away.
Page 4, Picture 12: Chris, what have I said about putting vomit-inducing images on the site? This is unacceptable!
More shitty sprite work, more MS paint, you need to show some standards!
The picture shows IG holding two dildos (that's what they look like, I'm sorry) firing what looks like a lime-strawberry milkshake at the Pixel Demon. Other characters are firing stuff too, including Fire Flower Mario, Simon Belmont with a flame whip, Super Sonic, Dig Dug, and Bill Rizer & Mega Man standing on the body of a brown cow. What hurts it is the background, I think it's meant to be lava.
... Here's a drinking game for you. When browsing through his fan art, take a drink every time you see a picture with a fire background, or something similar to fire.
Page 4, Picture 13: Paper Bores? It looks like paper cut-outs (even though it's not) as Bores is holding up a Shy Guy while standing in front of another one. A tribute to Super Mario Bros. 2. Not really too much to say about this one.
Page 4, Picture 14: Are you tired of Mega Man sprites? TOO BAD! Here's another one. But this time it's Haunted Investigators related. ... Someone actually made Haunted Investigators fan art. This is Johnny Awesome again isn't it? The sprite work is really bad, way worse than what Karbia does.
In fact, I'm pretty sure that's Karbia's IG sprite. The other is Alan and wow I just... I've seen enough.
I know people are asking about the next Redux Recap. It all depends on what Bores does next, and I also don't like doing too many posts at once. I did that years ago and the quality suffered. Be patient.
Friday, January 18, 2013
Coin-Collecting Gets Boring
It’s funny, I thought things would be slow for a while. I guess my prediction skills are getting rusty.
Bores posted his first actual review of 2013, New Super Mario Bros 2, and only five months after it came out. Pity pity, you were getting so good at releasing reviews within a fortnight of release. Judging by the length of this video though (2:30), I don’t think it would have mattered as it sounds like this will be just as bad.
0:06 - 0:14: “It’s 3DS time” Joy…
“The New Super Mario Bros 2” There’s no “the” in it, stop adding “the” to things that aren’t there. I thought you broke that habit.
0:15 - 0:38: IG brings up the coin-collecting gimmick and the “coin-collecting based power-ups”, referencing the Gold Blocks and golden enemies. I wouldn’t really call those power-ups, the Gold Blocks are more like an item. The Gold Flowers are a power-up, but stuff like the Gold Blocks, Gold Rings and Gold Mushrooms are items.
He attempts to do Tony the Tiger’s catchpharse, but bumps his hand on an invisible block. *rolls eyes* I see the lame jokes are back.
By the way, collecting coins leads nowhere. The only reward for getting 1 million is a change to the title screen.
0:39 - 1:41: He notes the coin “life tab” on the title screen. You mean counter? The hell’s a life tab?
Then he notes you’ll be collecting coins until your head falls off, and his head falls off. I’d say “review over”, but I’m not that lucky.
He brings that the levels are an improvement, by mentioning how Worlds 4 and 7 were locked in the first NSMB, and they “fixed that” in this one by making the hidden worlds bonus levels. Then he brings up the hidden level cannons and how the mini-levels that follow kicked his ass. He dies on one and lets out one of the fakest screams he’s ever done. Real people don’t sound like this when they die in a game.
Also, specify in more ways how the levels are an improvement. Are they tougher? Are they more varied? All you said was “the hidden worlds are bonuses". That’s boring!
1:42 - 2:01: Blah blah blah levels blah.
He mentions that he loves the ghost houses as you never know where you’ll go. He shows Mario entering a door and… let me guess he shows up somewhere else that’s not actually the game.
Yep, he shows up in front of IG himself and runs to a door that’s on the other side of his desk. How did he not notice those doors before? Whatever…
The review ends with him enjoying the blasts from the pasts, citing the Koopalings and Reznors, but is saddened there’s no Kuribo’s Shoe. Then calls it a 3DS staple and must have. As he does his catchphrase, a Banzai Bill flies past him. Really, you resorted to that joke again? I don’t get why you like it, it’s not funny in the slightest.
That was… zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
A whole lot of nothing really. He was vague, boring, and really added nothing a to game that’s 5 months old and has all the DLC released. I’m not even sure if he beat it.
Also, he couldn’t get a 3DS capture device. I know they exist, I’ve seen people sell them for a high price (I won’t say who as I’m iffy on the legality of it) and I’ve seen YouTube users Knightwing01 and Marriland use one, along with a few others. Vita I can understand, there’s no possible way to capture that yet.
Yeesh, this was a short article. This has also been a lame year so far. Nothing has really happened.
Bores posted his first actual review of 2013, New Super Mario Bros 2, and only five months after it came out. Pity pity, you were getting so good at releasing reviews within a fortnight of release. Judging by the length of this video though (2:30), I don’t think it would have mattered as it sounds like this will be just as bad.
0:06 - 0:14: “It’s 3DS time” Joy…
“The New Super Mario Bros 2” There’s no “the” in it, stop adding “the” to things that aren’t there. I thought you broke that habit.
0:15 - 0:38: IG brings up the coin-collecting gimmick and the “coin-collecting based power-ups”, referencing the Gold Blocks and golden enemies. I wouldn’t really call those power-ups, the Gold Blocks are more like an item. The Gold Flowers are a power-up, but stuff like the Gold Blocks, Gold Rings and Gold Mushrooms are items.
He attempts to do Tony the Tiger’s catchpharse, but bumps his hand on an invisible block. *rolls eyes* I see the lame jokes are back.
By the way, collecting coins leads nowhere. The only reward for getting 1 million is a change to the title screen.
0:39 - 1:41: He notes the coin “life tab” on the title screen. You mean counter? The hell’s a life tab?
Then he notes you’ll be collecting coins until your head falls off, and his head falls off. I’d say “review over”, but I’m not that lucky.
He brings that the levels are an improvement, by mentioning how Worlds 4 and 7 were locked in the first NSMB, and they “fixed that” in this one by making the hidden worlds bonus levels. Then he brings up the hidden level cannons and how the mini-levels that follow kicked his ass. He dies on one and lets out one of the fakest screams he’s ever done. Real people don’t sound like this when they die in a game.
Also, specify in more ways how the levels are an improvement. Are they tougher? Are they more varied? All you said was “the hidden worlds are bonuses". That’s boring!
1:42 - 2:01: Blah blah blah levels blah.
He mentions that he loves the ghost houses as you never know where you’ll go. He shows Mario entering a door and… let me guess he shows up somewhere else that’s not actually the game.
Yep, he shows up in front of IG himself and runs to a door that’s on the other side of his desk. How did he not notice those doors before? Whatever…
The review ends with him enjoying the blasts from the pasts, citing the Koopalings and Reznors, but is saddened there’s no Kuribo’s Shoe. Then calls it a 3DS staple and must have. As he does his catchphrase, a Banzai Bill flies past him. Really, you resorted to that joke again? I don’t get why you like it, it’s not funny in the slightest.
That was… zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
A whole lot of nothing really. He was vague, boring, and really added nothing a to game that’s 5 months old and has all the DLC released. I’m not even sure if he beat it.
Also, he couldn’t get a 3DS capture device. I know they exist, I’ve seen people sell them for a high price (I won’t say who as I’m iffy on the legality of it) and I’ve seen YouTube users Knightwing01 and Marriland use one, along with a few others. Vita I can understand, there’s no possible way to capture that yet.
Yeesh, this was a short article. This has also been a lame year so far. Nothing has really happened.
Friday, January 11, 2013
Attempted Storyline Analysis + The Last Polishing
2013! This will be one fine year! What does Bores have to start this year off?
*History of Video Games 3 HD revision*
… So much for this year being good.
*watches* Okay, there’s really not that much to say about this one. It’s slightly shorter than the original, but it’s also very similar.
Here’s a couple of positives. He actually got Al Alcorn’s name right, I don’t know about the pronunciation but at least he didn’t call him “Acorn” this time. He removed that pointless Irate Gamer water mark he put over his “exclusive” footage, probably out of humiliation after Mike Matei favorited videos of said games. Last thing is that the explosion during the Gran Trak 10 segment looked more like a video game explosion and it wasn’t the traditional Bores-boom.
But there was still a large number of problems. He still claims nobody can confirm Bushnell saw the Odyssey, even though Bushnell himself confirmed it (here‘s more confirmation: http://www.pong-story.com/odyssey.htm). He still uses footage from CNBC’s “Game On: The Unauthorized History of Video Games”. He still says some of the games suck, notably Gotcha and Rebound. He still makes perverted jokes about Gotcha’s original controls and the ad for it. In the latter, he even adds a line (“I’ll just save this for later”) and instead of looking suspicious, he looks smug. Gross. I’m still trying to decide if this is explaining the joke.
There’s still awful editing in the Gran Trak 10 segment (green screen, then real arcade, then green screen again). He also misspells Gran Trak 10 in the video’s title, calling it “Gran Tran 10”. Here’s a screenshot in case he edits it later.
He also added a couple of cutaways, like somehow knocking over an Arcade machine like it’s a mini-statue, or pretending to be an Army general while playing Tank. This last one is especially painful.
Well, this was a disappointing start. But I can’t leave you all hanging like this. Hmmmm. I’ve got it! Let’s talk about his storyline.
A couple months ago, Bores announced in his 300th video *cough* that he only had 1 or 2 episodes left until his storyline wraps up, and he’ll return to videos similar to the ones he made before. More train wrecks like Aladdin? Perhaps.
When asked about making a movie (just like the AVGN is doing now), Bores would point to these recent videos and say “String it together and you have my movie.” I’m going to go over why this doesn’t make sense.
Bores also claimed that this storyline was a “reboot” of his show. However, Bores has the same grasp of what a reboot is as Tim Buckley. Same awful jokes, same lazy reviews, same cheating, and worst of all, references to past videos. If it’s supposed to be a reboot? Why bring up past events?
That’s another one of the biggest issues with his storyline, continuity is all over the place.
First, I’m going to try my best to summarize what has happened so far. Not an easy feat.
The story starts with the Evil Gamer revealing that he’s nothing more than a lowly right-hand man to a bigger villain, the Shadow Overlord! Or Shadow Lord, Bores seems to switch between the two without reason. This all-powerful evil… is just Bores in Shadowrama, distorting a bad Arnold Schwarzenegger impression. Pretty fucking weak.
Their plan involves an artifact that will free Shadow Bores from his prison and when he’s free he’ll take over the world. You know the joke…
Their sole obstacle is the Irate Gamer, and Evil Gamer’s “mindless trolls” are useless. That’s right kids, don’t blame the trolls you get on incompetence or people just being dicks, blame it on your fictional evil twin. It’s therapeutic!
Then EG explains their next plan of stealing IG’s super special awesome Magnavox Odyssey, because “show don’t tell” is for losers.
Following that “intimidating” intro, it cuts to IG at his home, revealing Goro from Mortal Kombat is his next door neighbor for some reason. Trying to establish that IG lives in an apartment building, despite all exterior shots being of a ranch style home. Maybe it’s a TARDIS? Fuck me I hope that’s not a plot point in the future… IG decides to play 7-Up games.
Then hijinx ensue as EG tries to steal the Odyssey from him. First he tries to give away “free” pizzas in exchange for the Odyssey, or rather “for anyone who has a Magnavox Odyssey”. As the Third Rate Gamer puts it “I’m giving them away in exchange for people!” Come back TRG.
IG sees through his disguise and that fails. So EG dresses up like Doctor Bores-sano and tells him someone is giving out free Xbox 360s outside. Despite being a PS3 fanboy, IG falls for it, giving EG ample time to steal it. IG goes out to his green screen world and talks to his neighbor Wilkins, who is obviously supposed to be Wilson from Home Improvement but Bores changed his name to “make him an original character”. Basically, the same logic as a Sonic fanboy on deviantArt. Realizing there aren’t any Xboxes, he tries to head in but finds the Tanooki Suit from Super Mario Bros 3, and instead of putting him in a full body raccoon costume, it immediately turns him into the stone statue. Not how that works. So EG manages to get away, but IG doesn’t seem to care as by the next video he has a new Odyssey on his shelf (or he’s absolutely shit at keeping continuity).
Then Kool-Aid Man shows up for no reason. As IG nears the end of Cool Spot, Wise Sage also shows up but doesn’t get any lines. IG sends in the ending image to 7-Up to get his prize (even though that contest probably ran out years ago) and his reward is even more copies of Cool Spot, ending Part 1.
But before that, at stupid villain’s lair, EG hooks up the Odyssey and it transfers stuff into a robot body. The HAL 9000 is now a robot, and waaaay less of a threat than he was in the actual movie. Also, does this mean History of Video Games is just as much a part of the regular show, or is it a separate series? Makes no sense.
Part 2 opens showing that the Odyssey can make more than one HAL-bot. The one from the last video has a red eye and is called R.E.D. while the other HAL-bots have a purple eye. Either way, it’s still Bores in a full-body suit. Now there’s an army of them, and a plan is about to happen.
After somehow seeing a repeat of a soap opera (not sure how that happens) with Ronnie the Skeleton (urgh), IG decides to play RoboCop. That’s when Tony and the Wise Sage show up, and we learn Tony is a complete sociopath, saying he‘s going to beat the crap out of his neighbor just for playing loud music. This is a character we’re supposed to like!
Then we learn IG, Wise Sage and Tony all went to high school together, Tony was a sociopath back then, and Wise Sage died from a bad cough or something. It’s not funny.
During the review, something shoots at IG. It’s R.O.B. the robot, now rebuilt after being destroyed. Despite being a reboot, that event still happened. Tony explains he rebuilt it and made it good, though he doesn’t explain why it shot at him or Wise Sage, who probably wouldn’t feel it because he’s dead. Argh, nothing makes sense!
To prove its loyalty, R.O.B. kills an invading ED-209 that appears out of nowhere. Then somehow kills it in the game, because logic is dead.
Then Tony and Wise Sage run in and tell IG to turn on the TV. A HAL-bot invasion is happening in their city, and I’m starting to see why IG couldn’t see through EG’s disguise earlier, everyone in the city looks exactly like Chris Bores but with different hair styles. How very vain.
Seeing this “horrible carnage”, IG sends R.O.B. to take care of it while he sits on his ass and plays more RoboCop games in Part 3
Part 3 shows R.O.B. roll into the city and easily destroys the HAL-bots without a hint of resistance. It’s like their programmed to easy mode. Oh and he saves Little Cousin Joey, no idea why he’s here.
IG and Wise Sage wonder if something happened to R.O.B., pretending that an ARMY OF ROBOTS is not a big deal. It’s also Wise Sage’s last scene, he hasn’t appeared in over a year.
R.O.B. returns home and Evil Gamer yells at him for destroying his army, and demands he come back to be re-programmed. Oh right, that was a plot point too, before the “reboot”. See what I mean?
R.O.B. just shoots him, and somehow doesn’t kill him. It blows up robots, but merely singes humans like a Looney Tunes cartoon. We also get a pay-off to IG getting all those copies of Cool Spot, a sign saying that he’s selling them. … LAME!
Part 4 has IG somehow playing the Arcade Dig Dug on Atari when he gets a visitor. It’s a monk, he claims to have traveled many miles to give him the “Sword of Inferno”. Of course, a free magical sword means he must review a He-Man and the Masters of the Universe game. What a bizarre shift in genre.
When he starts sucking at it, he holds aloft the sword, says “By the Power of Inferno, I have the power!” and his shirt goes from blue to red. … ULTRA LAME!
This somehow improves his skill, oh and R.O.B. becomes “Battle Bot”, like Battle Cat only with zero changes to its look.
Meanwhile, the monk returns to his… I think temple, and reports to the elder. The elder proclaims that only the Irate Gamer, the Chosen One, can defeat the Shadow Overlord. … So yeah, he’s the chosen one now. Oh look at that, my hand is through a wall.
Part 5 starts with a news report about the robot invasion in Part 3, showing that Bores didn’t forget about it. The stupidly named reporter (Johnny Newscaster) interviews various characters, including EG, Tony and Devil Bores. Somehow, it doesn’t cross his mind to trace EG and call the police. Maybe the police don’t exist in the Irate Gamer world.
IG doesn’t care for the interview and looks at Silver Surfer instead. When the game gets too hard, he uses his Game Genie, which has an actual genie. It’s obviously meant to be a connection to the Aladdin review (again, reboot) as the Genie there went inside his NES Game Genie. Only now, he’s played by Bores. I wish I could get in contact with Brad Harp, ask him about the Aladdin review. It was almost four years ago, he probably doesn’t remember.
After an awful explanation that hurts my inner-Doctor Who fan, the Genie gives him infinite lives. Bores doesn’t realize that he can also be invincible with an in-game cheat. You’d think if he looked up Game Genie codes…
He reaches the final level and a message appears warning him of the Pixel Demon. Apparently, the Genie and R.O.B. (who is in this video for no reason) know about it and run in fear. Then the monk from the last video appears and explains the Pixel Demon was locked in Silver Surfer because of its impossible difficulty. Like I’ve said, awful creepypasta.
The monk tells IG that he can use his Power of Inferno to stop him. How will the sword help? It doesn’t, turns out he doesn’t need the sword at all as he can use the power to summon surfboards out of thin air. What?
We also see the Pixel Demon, it’s a green toad-looking thing that’s not even made of pixels. IG uses the surfboard to go in the game and confront the Pixel Demon. He easily defeats it with a single Bob-Omb. … FUCKING LAME!
Oh but the Pixel Demon survives and hops out of the TV. It’s fucking tiny, what can it do in the real world?
Part 6 has EG tell Shadow Something that their plan is ready. His first appearance since Part 1 (such a great villain)
IG on a comic book kick (THREE MONTHS LATER) and he decides to review X-Men on NES.
Then the six X-Men from the game show up. Wolverine, Colossus, Cyclops, Nightcrawler, Iceman, and Storm.
After insulting Wolverine, he walks up and says “I resemble that remark”. I don’t think that joke works here, it should be something like “You’re a disgusting pig!” “No I’m not *belches*” or “Your grammar is atrocious!” “No it aren’t!”
He swats Wolverine like he’s nothing, reducing the rest of the X-Men to pathetic wimps, and slaves. Our hero!
Colossus and Storm leave, Nightcrawler teleports away when IG breaks physics to throw a controller at him, Cyclops is killed by IG’s Power of Inferno (no, not the sword, ANOTHER new power) and Iceman is shattered. So, IG is the bad guy? This doesn’t make sense.
Then we see EG’s new plan, a giant HAL-bot! … I sadly know where this is headed.
That’s where the story ends for now.
Did any of that make sense?
Let’s go over various issues I’ve noticed.
Holy crap is it trite. How many damn clichés are there? Evil twin, big shadowy villain, army of minions, CHOSEN ONE, robot sidekick, best friend that looks different (Wise Sage and Tony), magical sword, magical powers, villain wanting to take over the world, and so on. Did he write this when he was ten and didn’t change anything about it now that he’s well past 30?
The characters are either horrible people or have zero personality. Tony is a sociopath that assaults people for petty reasons, Wise Sage is just there, Devil Bores is a moron, R.O.B. is nothing (not even sarcastic or robotic like other shows) and the Irate Gamer himself is a horrid monster that abuses his powers and never gets what’s coming to him. He’s far too strong and yet somehow we’re supposed to root for him. Somehow, he’s the hero!
We know nothing about the villains, outside of “they’re evil… grrr”. None of the characters have developed outside their single dimension. Look, I know it’s silly to overanalyze the characters in a dumb review show, but if Bores wants us to take it seriously, then that’s exactly what I’m going to do.
What direction is this going? Part one is wacky hijinx to get the Odyssey, parts two and three are about a robot army that’s defeated way too easily, part four is suddenly about a magic sword, part five introduces a new villain out of nowhere despite the old ones still out there, and part six shows those old villains with no reference of the new one.
Bores has said multiple times that “stringing this together will make his movie”. THIS ISN’T HOW MOVIES WORK! Movies need to be consistent, a beginning, a middle, and an end. If you want to do something different, you can reverse the order or change it up like Memento or Pulp Fiction. Yet what feels like a climax takes place 30 minutes in, and now you’re on something else. It would be like an action film that got bored in the first act and decided to resolve itself and become a satire about the media.
And then there’s the questions. Oh god, so many questions. Nothing makes sense!
Why is Goro living in Ohio? Why does IG’s apartment building look like a house? How did HAL get in the Odyssey? How can the Odyssey produce multiple HAL-bots? Why are their bodies so shitty that they can be blown up easily? What did Wise Sage have that killed him? How come R.O.B.’s eye beams can blow up robots but only singe humans like a cartoon? Why does Evil Gamer exist? How is Irate Gamer the chosen one? How can IG access his powers if he doesn’t have the sword? What’s the point of the sword? How did everyone already know about the Pixel Demon? Why didn’t they choose a game that technically has no ending to trap it? How can IG summon surfboards? Why is he called the Pixel Demon when he’s not actually made of pixels? How come nobody traced the Evil Gamer’s location during the news broadcast? Where are the cops? What kind of world is this where almost everyone looks the same? WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON?! GAAAAAAAAAAA-
*wakes up* In conclusion, Bores can’t write for beans. Nothing makes sense, and if he thinks this is how a movie works, then his claimed education was a waste.
I’ll revisit this whenever his storyline does finish up. Sure, he said 1 or 2 more, but that could take ages.
Before I go, I want to fulfill the fan’s request. The Y2B Productions wedding video ad. Seems the internet has come across a page on “wedplan.net” with an for a certain Sandusky based video maker. http://www.wedplan.net/pages/9621/
There used to be text there, but it’s gone now. However, skyrunner14 managed to get a screencap before (I assume) Bores took it down.
The fact he did wedding videos was already brought up in his biography (which I combed through here: http://irategamersucks.blogspot.com/2012/01/egotism-continues-in-chris-bores.html). Here’s what’s interesting, the other videographer ads on the site show samples of their work. Y2B Productions doesn’t have that. Other ads mention a price range with stated numbers, the screenshot up there only mentions “low prices”. Not a very good advertisement Bores, it’s no wonder you moved onto ghost hunting.
I’m beat, catch you all whenever.
EDIT: New update from his site. Dated 1/15/2013
Welcome to another year, the sixth for the irategamer! Make sure you check out the HD version of History of video games part 3. Contains a few extra cutscenes that I found humorous. Every episode on History of Video games is now in HD. Expect a DVD release very soon. Still working on the bonus features. Plus more irate goodness on the way very soon!
DVD? For something that hasn't even hit the Atari 2600? Jeez, he's deluding himself hard.
Also, he better not use that John Williams and Ennio Morricone music, otherwise he can get sued.
*History of Video Games 3 HD revision*
… So much for this year being good.
*watches* Okay, there’s really not that much to say about this one. It’s slightly shorter than the original, but it’s also very similar.
Here’s a couple of positives. He actually got Al Alcorn’s name right, I don’t know about the pronunciation but at least he didn’t call him “Acorn” this time. He removed that pointless Irate Gamer water mark he put over his “exclusive” footage, probably out of humiliation after Mike Matei favorited videos of said games. Last thing is that the explosion during the Gran Trak 10 segment looked more like a video game explosion and it wasn’t the traditional Bores-boom.
But there was still a large number of problems. He still claims nobody can confirm Bushnell saw the Odyssey, even though Bushnell himself confirmed it (here‘s more confirmation: http://www.pong-story.com/odyssey.htm). He still uses footage from CNBC’s “Game On: The Unauthorized History of Video Games”. He still says some of the games suck, notably Gotcha and Rebound. He still makes perverted jokes about Gotcha’s original controls and the ad for it. In the latter, he even adds a line (“I’ll just save this for later”) and instead of looking suspicious, he looks smug. Gross. I’m still trying to decide if this is explaining the joke.
There’s still awful editing in the Gran Trak 10 segment (green screen, then real arcade, then green screen again). He also misspells Gran Trak 10 in the video’s title, calling it “Gran Tran 10”. Here’s a screenshot in case he edits it later.
He also added a couple of cutaways, like somehow knocking over an Arcade machine like it’s a mini-statue, or pretending to be an Army general while playing Tank. This last one is especially painful.
Well, this was a disappointing start. But I can’t leave you all hanging like this. Hmmmm. I’ve got it! Let’s talk about his storyline.
A couple months ago, Bores announced in his 300th video *cough* that he only had 1 or 2 episodes left until his storyline wraps up, and he’ll return to videos similar to the ones he made before. More train wrecks like Aladdin? Perhaps.
When asked about making a movie (just like the AVGN is doing now), Bores would point to these recent videos and say “String it together and you have my movie.” I’m going to go over why this doesn’t make sense.
Bores also claimed that this storyline was a “reboot” of his show. However, Bores has the same grasp of what a reboot is as Tim Buckley. Same awful jokes, same lazy reviews, same cheating, and worst of all, references to past videos. If it’s supposed to be a reboot? Why bring up past events?
That’s another one of the biggest issues with his storyline, continuity is all over the place.
First, I’m going to try my best to summarize what has happened so far. Not an easy feat.
The story starts with the Evil Gamer revealing that he’s nothing more than a lowly right-hand man to a bigger villain, the Shadow Overlord! Or Shadow Lord, Bores seems to switch between the two without reason. This all-powerful evil… is just Bores in Shadowrama, distorting a bad Arnold Schwarzenegger impression. Pretty fucking weak.
Their plan involves an artifact that will free Shadow Bores from his prison and when he’s free he’ll take over the world. You know the joke…
Their sole obstacle is the Irate Gamer, and Evil Gamer’s “mindless trolls” are useless. That’s right kids, don’t blame the trolls you get on incompetence or people just being dicks, blame it on your fictional evil twin. It’s therapeutic!
Then EG explains their next plan of stealing IG’s super special awesome Magnavox Odyssey, because “show don’t tell” is for losers.
Following that “intimidating” intro, it cuts to IG at his home, revealing Goro from Mortal Kombat is his next door neighbor for some reason. Trying to establish that IG lives in an apartment building, despite all exterior shots being of a ranch style home. Maybe it’s a TARDIS? Fuck me I hope that’s not a plot point in the future… IG decides to play 7-Up games.
Then hijinx ensue as EG tries to steal the Odyssey from him. First he tries to give away “free” pizzas in exchange for the Odyssey, or rather “for anyone who has a Magnavox Odyssey”. As the Third Rate Gamer puts it “I’m giving them away in exchange for people!” Come back TRG.
IG sees through his disguise and that fails. So EG dresses up like Doctor Bores-sano and tells him someone is giving out free Xbox 360s outside. Despite being a PS3 fanboy, IG falls for it, giving EG ample time to steal it. IG goes out to his green screen world and talks to his neighbor Wilkins, who is obviously supposed to be Wilson from Home Improvement but Bores changed his name to “make him an original character”. Basically, the same logic as a Sonic fanboy on deviantArt. Realizing there aren’t any Xboxes, he tries to head in but finds the Tanooki Suit from Super Mario Bros 3, and instead of putting him in a full body raccoon costume, it immediately turns him into the stone statue. Not how that works. So EG manages to get away, but IG doesn’t seem to care as by the next video he has a new Odyssey on his shelf (or he’s absolutely shit at keeping continuity).
Then Kool-Aid Man shows up for no reason. As IG nears the end of Cool Spot, Wise Sage also shows up but doesn’t get any lines. IG sends in the ending image to 7-Up to get his prize (even though that contest probably ran out years ago) and his reward is even more copies of Cool Spot, ending Part 1.
But before that, at stupid villain’s lair, EG hooks up the Odyssey and it transfers stuff into a robot body. The HAL 9000 is now a robot, and waaaay less of a threat than he was in the actual movie. Also, does this mean History of Video Games is just as much a part of the regular show, or is it a separate series? Makes no sense.
Part 2 opens showing that the Odyssey can make more than one HAL-bot. The one from the last video has a red eye and is called R.E.D. while the other HAL-bots have a purple eye. Either way, it’s still Bores in a full-body suit. Now there’s an army of them, and a plan is about to happen.
After somehow seeing a repeat of a soap opera (not sure how that happens) with Ronnie the Skeleton (urgh), IG decides to play RoboCop. That’s when Tony and the Wise Sage show up, and we learn Tony is a complete sociopath, saying he‘s going to beat the crap out of his neighbor just for playing loud music. This is a character we’re supposed to like!
Then we learn IG, Wise Sage and Tony all went to high school together, Tony was a sociopath back then, and Wise Sage died from a bad cough or something. It’s not funny.
During the review, something shoots at IG. It’s R.O.B. the robot, now rebuilt after being destroyed. Despite being a reboot, that event still happened. Tony explains he rebuilt it and made it good, though he doesn’t explain why it shot at him or Wise Sage, who probably wouldn’t feel it because he’s dead. Argh, nothing makes sense!
To prove its loyalty, R.O.B. kills an invading ED-209 that appears out of nowhere. Then somehow kills it in the game, because logic is dead.
Then Tony and Wise Sage run in and tell IG to turn on the TV. A HAL-bot invasion is happening in their city, and I’m starting to see why IG couldn’t see through EG’s disguise earlier, everyone in the city looks exactly like Chris Bores but with different hair styles. How very vain.
Seeing this “horrible carnage”, IG sends R.O.B. to take care of it while he sits on his ass and plays more RoboCop games in Part 3
Part 3 shows R.O.B. roll into the city and easily destroys the HAL-bots without a hint of resistance. It’s like their programmed to easy mode. Oh and he saves Little Cousin Joey, no idea why he’s here.
IG and Wise Sage wonder if something happened to R.O.B., pretending that an ARMY OF ROBOTS is not a big deal. It’s also Wise Sage’s last scene, he hasn’t appeared in over a year.
R.O.B. returns home and Evil Gamer yells at him for destroying his army, and demands he come back to be re-programmed. Oh right, that was a plot point too, before the “reboot”. See what I mean?
R.O.B. just shoots him, and somehow doesn’t kill him. It blows up robots, but merely singes humans like a Looney Tunes cartoon. We also get a pay-off to IG getting all those copies of Cool Spot, a sign saying that he’s selling them. … LAME!
Part 4 has IG somehow playing the Arcade Dig Dug on Atari when he gets a visitor. It’s a monk, he claims to have traveled many miles to give him the “Sword of Inferno”. Of course, a free magical sword means he must review a He-Man and the Masters of the Universe game. What a bizarre shift in genre.
When he starts sucking at it, he holds aloft the sword, says “By the Power of Inferno, I have the power!” and his shirt goes from blue to red. … ULTRA LAME!
This somehow improves his skill, oh and R.O.B. becomes “Battle Bot”, like Battle Cat only with zero changes to its look.
Meanwhile, the monk returns to his… I think temple, and reports to the elder. The elder proclaims that only the Irate Gamer, the Chosen One, can defeat the Shadow Overlord. … So yeah, he’s the chosen one now. Oh look at that, my hand is through a wall.
Part 5 starts with a news report about the robot invasion in Part 3, showing that Bores didn’t forget about it. The stupidly named reporter (Johnny Newscaster) interviews various characters, including EG, Tony and Devil Bores. Somehow, it doesn’t cross his mind to trace EG and call the police. Maybe the police don’t exist in the Irate Gamer world.
IG doesn’t care for the interview and looks at Silver Surfer instead. When the game gets too hard, he uses his Game Genie, which has an actual genie. It’s obviously meant to be a connection to the Aladdin review (again, reboot) as the Genie there went inside his NES Game Genie. Only now, he’s played by Bores. I wish I could get in contact with Brad Harp, ask him about the Aladdin review. It was almost four years ago, he probably doesn’t remember.
After an awful explanation that hurts my inner-Doctor Who fan, the Genie gives him infinite lives. Bores doesn’t realize that he can also be invincible with an in-game cheat. You’d think if he looked up Game Genie codes…
He reaches the final level and a message appears warning him of the Pixel Demon. Apparently, the Genie and R.O.B. (who is in this video for no reason) know about it and run in fear. Then the monk from the last video appears and explains the Pixel Demon was locked in Silver Surfer because of its impossible difficulty. Like I’ve said, awful creepypasta.
The monk tells IG that he can use his Power of Inferno to stop him. How will the sword help? It doesn’t, turns out he doesn’t need the sword at all as he can use the power to summon surfboards out of thin air. What?
We also see the Pixel Demon, it’s a green toad-looking thing that’s not even made of pixels. IG uses the surfboard to go in the game and confront the Pixel Demon. He easily defeats it with a single Bob-Omb. … FUCKING LAME!
Oh but the Pixel Demon survives and hops out of the TV. It’s fucking tiny, what can it do in the real world?
Part 6 has EG tell Shadow Something that their plan is ready. His first appearance since Part 1 (such a great villain)
IG on a comic book kick (THREE MONTHS LATER) and he decides to review X-Men on NES.
Then the six X-Men from the game show up. Wolverine, Colossus, Cyclops, Nightcrawler, Iceman, and Storm.
After insulting Wolverine, he walks up and says “I resemble that remark”. I don’t think that joke works here, it should be something like “You’re a disgusting pig!” “No I’m not *belches*” or “Your grammar is atrocious!” “No it aren’t!”
He swats Wolverine like he’s nothing, reducing the rest of the X-Men to pathetic wimps, and slaves. Our hero!
Colossus and Storm leave, Nightcrawler teleports away when IG breaks physics to throw a controller at him, Cyclops is killed by IG’s Power of Inferno (no, not the sword, ANOTHER new power) and Iceman is shattered. So, IG is the bad guy? This doesn’t make sense.
Then we see EG’s new plan, a giant HAL-bot! … I sadly know where this is headed.
That’s where the story ends for now.
Did any of that make sense?
Let’s go over various issues I’ve noticed.
Holy crap is it trite. How many damn clichés are there? Evil twin, big shadowy villain, army of minions, CHOSEN ONE, robot sidekick, best friend that looks different (Wise Sage and Tony), magical sword, magical powers, villain wanting to take over the world, and so on. Did he write this when he was ten and didn’t change anything about it now that he’s well past 30?
The characters are either horrible people or have zero personality. Tony is a sociopath that assaults people for petty reasons, Wise Sage is just there, Devil Bores is a moron, R.O.B. is nothing (not even sarcastic or robotic like other shows) and the Irate Gamer himself is a horrid monster that abuses his powers and never gets what’s coming to him. He’s far too strong and yet somehow we’re supposed to root for him. Somehow, he’s the hero!
We know nothing about the villains, outside of “they’re evil… grrr”. None of the characters have developed outside their single dimension. Look, I know it’s silly to overanalyze the characters in a dumb review show, but if Bores wants us to take it seriously, then that’s exactly what I’m going to do.
What direction is this going? Part one is wacky hijinx to get the Odyssey, parts two and three are about a robot army that’s defeated way too easily, part four is suddenly about a magic sword, part five introduces a new villain out of nowhere despite the old ones still out there, and part six shows those old villains with no reference of the new one.
Bores has said multiple times that “stringing this together will make his movie”. THIS ISN’T HOW MOVIES WORK! Movies need to be consistent, a beginning, a middle, and an end. If you want to do something different, you can reverse the order or change it up like Memento or Pulp Fiction. Yet what feels like a climax takes place 30 minutes in, and now you’re on something else. It would be like an action film that got bored in the first act and decided to resolve itself and become a satire about the media.
And then there’s the questions. Oh god, so many questions. Nothing makes sense!
Why is Goro living in Ohio? Why does IG’s apartment building look like a house? How did HAL get in the Odyssey? How can the Odyssey produce multiple HAL-bots? Why are their bodies so shitty that they can be blown up easily? What did Wise Sage have that killed him? How come R.O.B.’s eye beams can blow up robots but only singe humans like a cartoon? Why does Evil Gamer exist? How is Irate Gamer the chosen one? How can IG access his powers if he doesn’t have the sword? What’s the point of the sword? How did everyone already know about the Pixel Demon? Why didn’t they choose a game that technically has no ending to trap it? How can IG summon surfboards? Why is he called the Pixel Demon when he’s not actually made of pixels? How come nobody traced the Evil Gamer’s location during the news broadcast? Where are the cops? What kind of world is this where almost everyone looks the same? WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON?! GAAAAAAAAAAA-
*wakes up* In conclusion, Bores can’t write for beans. Nothing makes sense, and if he thinks this is how a movie works, then his claimed education was a waste.
I’ll revisit this whenever his storyline does finish up. Sure, he said 1 or 2 more, but that could take ages.
Before I go, I want to fulfill the fan’s request. The Y2B Productions wedding video ad. Seems the internet has come across a page on “wedplan.net” with an for a certain Sandusky based video maker. http://www.wedplan.net/pages/9621/
There used to be text there, but it’s gone now. However, skyrunner14 managed to get a screencap before (I assume) Bores took it down.
The fact he did wedding videos was already brought up in his biography (which I combed through here: http://irategamersucks.blogspot.com/2012/01/egotism-continues-in-chris-bores.html). Here’s what’s interesting, the other videographer ads on the site show samples of their work. Y2B Productions doesn’t have that. Other ads mention a price range with stated numbers, the screenshot up there only mentions “low prices”. Not a very good advertisement Bores, it’s no wonder you moved onto ghost hunting.
I’m beat, catch you all whenever.
EDIT: New update from his site. Dated 1/15/2013
Welcome to another year, the sixth for the irategamer! Make sure you check out the HD version of History of video games part 3. Contains a few extra cutscenes that I found humorous. Every episode on History of Video games is now in HD. Expect a DVD release very soon. Still working on the bonus features. Plus more irate goodness on the way very soon!
DVD? For something that hasn't even hit the Atari 2600? Jeez, he's deluding himself hard.
Also, he better not use that John Williams and Ennio Morricone music, otherwise he can get sued.
Monday, December 31, 2012
Year End List: Top 11 Worst IG Moments of 2012
Wow, 2013 is upon us. A lot of people thought we wouldn’t get this far, especially those that believed we would all die on the 21st, but here we are.
As is tradition, it’s time to count down what I think are the worst Irate Gamer moments/videos of the year. This has been a strange year, with Bores flip-flopping on multiple ideas and an overall lack of activity.
His ego stroking was still there, but not as bad as last year. Some people believe he’s actually improving, I don’t see how but okay.
Then again, some people believe I’ve been doing this since 2007, even though my posts date back to 2009. Reading comprehension is hard you guys!
And now, the IG Tally!
Regular Irate Gamer Show: Two (Silver Surfer and X-Men)
His inane storyline continues to trudge along at astonishing speed. It amuses me that he claims this will be his “movie”, showing me he has no clue how movies work.
IG Neo: Eight (Skylanders: Spyro’s Adventure, Ninja Gaiden 3, Sonic Generations, Lego Batman 2: DC Super Heroes, Transformers: Fall of Cybertron, Dead or Alive 5, Resident Evil 6, Skylanders: Giants)
As per usual, Neo reviews take the top spot in actual content. Even with eight videos, this was by far his laziest year. At least I take some satisfaction knowing one of those videos can never be posted to his YouTube account, but more on that later.
I Rate the 80s: Four (Bud Bowl, Colorforms, TMNT Comics, Documentary thing)
So much for this being his regular thing now. Hindsight is a bitch. At least he extended beyond toys and food this year with … commercials (from the 90s) and a comic book series.
History of Video Games: One (Fairchild Channel F)
What’s the point? We all know Chris will never finish this stupid thing. What the hell is wrong with him?
Movies: Three (Michael Bay Rant, Men in Black 3, Hunger Games)
What’s this? Bores actually did movie reviews this year? That’s surprising. Though, he didn’t do a Summer Movies list this year, how strange. Really though, only one of those videos can be called a review, the other two were rants. One just reiterating the same stuff about Michael Bay we’ve all heard, and the other showing Bores has next to no idea what he’s talking about when it comes to movie-making.
E3: Twenty-Two
Less than last year, but still just as pointless. I feel sorry for any of the dumb kids that use IG’s E3 coverage for actual news, instead of the multitude of other sources out there. This number includes the late Family Guy: Back to the Multiverse interview he did.
Sketches: Four (Lakitu, Boos, E-Begging Spoof, Real Real Gaming)
This year saw an increase in sketch videos. All of them terrible.
I remember last year, Bores said he was planning to do more sketches with his other characters. All we got from that was Ronnie singing and that Aflac thing. Another unfulfilled promise, he should be a politician.
Other: Nineteen
These are the videos that don’t fit in any of the categories. These include trailers, contests, updates, his 300th video, the many, many, MANY Skylanders videos that weren’t reviews, his History of Video Games revisions, and that Up Up Ubi “review” that felt more like an update.
Much less than last year, thanks to Bores cutting back on contests and superfluous videos like “trailer reviews”.
Total: 63
Because there wasn’t as much activity as last year, I’ve only selected 11 moments.
11. Haunted Investigators returns… WHY?!
I have to wonder what Bores was thinking when he decided to revive this boring garbage. Did he really think people were so invested in him and his friends walking around abandoned buildings with equipment that detects cell phone signals hoping to find fucking ghosts? “Most popular ghost hunting channel on YouTube” You’re the only one, and people are not going to the channel to watch you fumble with a defective camera while blaming “spirits” on it.
He even said in his 200th video that the ghost hunting thing failed! I imagine Bores thought of the old phrase “at first you don’t succeed, try try again”. I don’t think that applies here though.
What really gets me is that he plans to put this on DVD & Blu-Ray, AND put it on Netflix. Try reaching out for the Asylum, they could advertise it as “Paranormal Activity if the people weren’t actors and they actually took this shit seriously”
10. “I’ll just recycle a four year old video, nobody will notice!”
I Rate the 80s wasn’t as horrid as it was last year, thanks in part to less videos. Of course, they were still bad videos, now on a pointless DVD.
Of the three actual episodes, the worst by far was his look at Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles comics. His look at the original Mirage Studios series was poorly researched and clear that he didn’t read past issue 5 or 6. But the biggest offense was when he talked about Archie Comics’ Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Adventures, where he recycled a video he made about the same comics back in 2008. Why not spend time doing research on further Mirage Comics, then briefly bring up the Archie ones and post a link to your previous video? Are you that ashamed of anything you made prior to your jump to HD that you pretend it never happened and hope your fans don’t remember as you recycle them?
Or hell, maybe Chris doesn’t remember that he made the 2008 video. He’s said before that he doesn’t remember his past reviews. Either way, it was a lazy review and effort, all so he could do sketches with Kid Bores and Jughead.
9. “Must rush review out, don’t care if I barely played it”
This one is a tie between his reviews of Dead or Alive 5 and Resident Evil 6. Both reviews were posted on the game’s release date, and both were astronomically lazy and rushed. The DOA5 review absolutely reeked of “unscripted”, and we’ve seen Bores can’t do unscripted to save his life. Nothing was said about the gameplay or the multiplayer, instead we get 2 minutes of Bores perving over the women in the game, not even trying to hide it. It was like reading Spoony’s Twitter (at least those women are real).
His RE6 review had some semblance of a script, but it was still bad. Well, more boring than the previous review but the lack of actual points or anything beyond Leon’s campaign shows that he wanted nothing more than to get it out by October 2nd. Hell, some of the footage even looked stolen.
In fact, someone on GotGame called him out on it. Of couse, Bores denies it. The comment is still there. Surprising since anything negative towards Bores tends to get deleted. Can’t have anyone bashing their cash cow.
8. Skylanders Skylanders Skylanders
Back in March, Bores posted a review of Skylanders: Spyro’s Adventure, the toy-fueled, money-sucking “reboot” of Spyro the Dragon. Shortly after posting it on YouTube, he made a video about the sequel Skylanders: Giants, going over news that was revealed months ago. He also talked about Giants at E3.
Bores noticed that his Skylanders videos got views, lots and lots of views. More views than his normal content. So Bores only saw one thing, $$$$$$$$.
In the months leading up to Giants’ release, Bores posted a lot of Skylanders videos. All boring, all pointless. It was beyond irritating, the man was obsessed with these things. He even admitted to waiting in line at Toys R Us early in the morning just to get certain figures before they sell out. It’s one thing to wait for the latest tech, but you’re a grown-ass man waiting in line for a KID’S TOY, and you don‘t have kids! Even Jeff Gerstmann wouldn’t do that for his Skylanders.
Even the fans got sick of all the Skylanders videos, the highest rated comments would always be negative.
His Skylanders obsession came to a head when he posted his review of Giants, and not only called “in-depth”, but put more work into the written portion than he has with any other modern game he’s ever reviewed. AND IT WAS STILL TERRIBLE!
Considering how Activision works, I can guarantee there will be a third game next year. To more boring-ass Skylanders videos from Bores! *raises glass then throws it on the ground*
7. The X-Men face their greatest challenge, Mary Sue writing!
The second of two regular Irate Gamer videos released this year. Bores choice of hyping it up was bragging that he was playing 15 characters! Holy shit, that’s nothing to be proud of! To be fair though, the review part was okay. But it’s a game that’s so infamous, so derided, that he really had nothing new to say about it. It’s the type of game that anyone can pick up and realize “this is a pile of crap”.
But the reason it’s on the list is the “storyline” part of it. What a fucking load. As Bores starts playing, he goes over the six playable characters, and all six of them show up in his apartment. Wolverine, Cyclops, Colossus, Nightcrawler, Iceman and Storm. They’re all played by Bores wearing a black turtleneck with X-shaped duct tape on it, various wigs, sunglasses for Cyclops, and visual effects to color his skin. There’s almost no difference between Colossus and Iceman.
Does Bores treat these heroes with respect? No! He’s belligerent, he’s violent, he treats them like servants! Linkara brought up to me that the X-Men are meant to be a Marvel Universe stand-in for minorities, so to see Bores treating them like slaves….. *cough cough*
But they have superpowers, can’t they stop him? Bores cranked the Mary Sue meter to 20 as after he merely swatted Wolverine to his death (I assume death since he disappears for the rest of the video), the rest of the team are reduced to sniveling cowards. If I was doing something like this, I would show respect to the X-Men, apologize to them for having this terrible game to live with.
He also kills Cyclops and Iceman, the former with his still unexplained “Power of Inferno”, the latter is shattered. Worse than The Sentry.
Then there’s his portrayal of Storm, the first female he’s ever portrayed in his five years of videos. Despite only two scenes, she comes off like a total bitch. Part of me thinks that he doesn’t like Storm, considering he said she was terrible in Marvel vs. Capcom 3 (far from the truth), and when she shows up there are crickets chirping (and he still fails at this joke because nobody was applauding beforehand). But part of me also thinks he doesn’t think too highly of women… at least, going by all his pervy comments.
But what about the Evil Gamer? … He’s creating a giant HAL-bot. That’s it. It will probably fight a giant Bores or giant R.O.B. We will see.
6. Ninja Gaiden 3 “It’s easy, so it ROCKS!”
Ugh, Ninja Gaiden 3, what a piece of shit that was. Boring ass game with insultingly easy A.I., severe lack of variety, stupid bosses, lame level design, overabundance of quicktime events, lack of difficulty, lack of violence, and just an overall awful game. They say the Wii U one is better but I haven’t tried it.
However, Bores wants to show that he’s outside of the majority and praises the hell out of Ninja Gaiden 3. Of course, he mentions never playing the first two games, only sullying his opinion on this one.
He even brings up that the game has received negative press, though he makes it clear he didn’t bother to read WHY people hate this game. He mentions that he loves how mindless and relaxing it is, the very thing that fans and critics derided. Meaning Bores loves games only if they’re easy.
At one point, he compares it to Gears of War, despite Gears being a third-person shooter and Ninja Gaiden being an action/hack and slash title. Why the odd comparison? Well, he also mentions God of War in the same sentence, his ignorant ass probably thinks Gears of War is exactly the same. Even though it’s not. Showing that he continues to have no idea what he’s talking about.
What’s interesting is that in the beginning, he mentions that Tecmo themselves sent him the game. I actually believe that, they knew the game was a pile of shit, so they sent it to someone dumb enough not to see its flaws. Once they got their praise, they sent him DOA5, knowing they have a patsy willing to praise anything they do.
I’ve heard that the Wii U version of NG3 retains the difficulty from the first two games, something tells me Bores would hate this updated version.
5. History revisions take priority
I’ve gone on numerous rants about the abysmal pacing of “History of Video Games”. Fans don’t appreciate when they wait 14 months for the next installment, and all they get is 5 minutes about a failed console.
What they also don’t like is even further delays for the next part because Bores’ ego refuses to allow the existence of the SD videos. He must upgrade it to HD and be “consistent”. People don’t want this, and the views reflect that.
Not only are these revisions pointless, they’re somehow worse than the originals. Sure, they’re shorter, but he doesn’t fix the mistakes he made last time, and writing is once again thrown to the wayside for more SPECHUL EFFECTZ SPARKLY.
And why does he revise this stuff? Besides his ego? Because he thinks he can sell this on DVD. Never mind that he can probably get sued for false advertising as this barely scratches the surface of video game history. He can add a “Part 1” all he wants, it doesn’t change the fact that at this pace, he will NEVER finish it. Doesn’t help when he stops going forward and prefers to revisit his past work. What’s next? He’s going to stop his storyline and go back to previous videos and re-edit them to fit this “continuity”? Fuck that noise.
4. “Nintendo is kiddy, Me am manly gamer”
This… came out of nowhere.
Of the 30 something episodes of the regular IG show, only 3 cover games that aren’t on Nintendo consoles (E.T. Kool-Aid Man, and He-Man), giving the impression that he’s a big fan of Nintendo.
When IG Neo started out, he did nothing but games on Nintendo consoles (not counting The Simpsons game, he looked at the PS2 version of that). This changed when he looked at Resident Evil 5, and changed even further when he revealed himself to be a Sony fanboy. The last game on a Nintendo console he reviewed was Mario Sports Mix back in August 2011, and that was in the Video Game Roundup so it was barely a review.
Then came E3 2012, coming out of the Nintendo press conference, Bores decided to change his stance on Nintendo to that of an angry forum fanboy, basically “Nintendo is Kiddy”.
Claiming that he’s happy Nintendo is going the “adult route” while citing ZombiU and Batman Arkham City, never mind that they’re third party games and Nintendo has had “adult” third party games for years now. He goes on to claim that Nintendo needs an “adult” franchise to get Call of Duty money, showing once again that he has no clue how business works. Besides, Nintendo is not going out of business anytime soon.
Then in his Top 5 Worst of E3, he continues whining about Nintendo not “appealing to adults” when he brings up Nintendo Land (which is quite fun by the way). Going on about “Gritty Zelda” and showing he has no idea why people hated Metroid Other M, thinking they made it “for kids” or something. They say “ignorance is bliss”, but it can also be infuriating.
What I don’t get it is how he goes on to put New Super Mario Bros. U in his Top 5 Best of E3, and claim he’s “all about the Mario”. So Mario is the only one that’s “allowed” to be for everyone? Even though the gameplay in Zelda and Metroid are far more complex than “run and jump”? You’re mixing the messages.
Also, this is really hypocritical of Bores to claim, given how he’s overly obsessed with Skylanders. Explain how Skylanders, a game meant for kids, is better than Nintendo franchises, games that are meant for everybody.
Looking back though, Bores seems really insecure about liking things meant for “kids”, going by his comments on WALL-E and Toy Story 3. I’ll let this C.S. Lewis quote sum things up: http://www.goodreads.com/quotes/84171-critics-who-treat-adult-as-a-term-of-approval-instead
3. Sonic Generations stolen footage
It’s clear that Bores barely gives a shit when making his Neo reviews, we’d be lucky to see a game that he actually manages to beat, let alone get far in. Most of the time, he plays for only an hour or a couple levels, nothing more.
This time though, Chris didn’t even bother to play the game at all. Instead, he watched a playthrough on YouTube, and proceeded to use that playthrough to make it look like he played the game.
All the footage in his Sonic Generations review was stolen from YouTube user Cyberman65, who uses a watermark in the corner of his videos to prevent such a thing from happening. Bores probably hoped people were too stupid not to notice it, or he probably didn’t care. Either way, he got caught, and boy did it not look good for him.
GotGame went into damage control mode, adding a disclaimer under the video that included a link to Cyberman65’s first Sonic Generations video (not his channel, just that video). However, Bores was not reprimanded for this. Unless it happened behind the scenes, but nothing official was stated. Can’t make their single source of income look bad.
Cyberman65 himself responded, saying he was very upset and never gave Bores permission to use it. LadyBuggin777 had her own damage control, saying Bores and CM65 were friends. Even though that’s a blatant lie.
Either way, the fact he didn’t even use his own footage tells us that he didn’t bother to play the game. One can tell from his complaint about being unable to skip cutscenes (which is false, you can skip cutscenes).
It makes me wonder how many other Neo videos have stolen footage. I suspected his Arkham City video had it, but I couldn’t really prove it.
This wasn’t even the first time that Bores has stolen footage. In History of Video Games Part 3, he took footage from a CNBC documentary about the same subject, but that time he actually hid CNBC’s watermark. What makes Cyberman65 any different?
This would have been second place, but for once Bores was smart and he didn’t upload this to YouTube. If he did, he would have been flagged soooo hard, especially since Cyberman65 is also a YouTube partner.
2. Silver Surfer Stupidity
Here we go, the worst regular IG episode of the year. Not saying much when there was only two.
This beats out X-Men for having an awful story and an awful review.
The review part had inaccurate info about the controls, petty complaints (like the lack of a save feature despite only playing for a minute and getting game over without making progress), and really just regurgitated the same things other reviewers have said, right down to similar dialogue (“death after death after death”). He also called it a Mega Man rip-off (even though the only similarity is the ability to select your stage) just so he could do an awful joke of a Mega Man sprite waving his fist to the game. Look, the humor should come from the game, not from made-up complaints or Family Guy cutaways. It’s sad how much of Family Guy’s influence has on his show.
The storyline part… oh god. Bores hyped the fuck out this, changing the layout to his site and Facebook page to be about the PIXEL DEMON! Anyone asking about it just got the answer “PIXEL DEMON”. Real creative stuff.
So what was the Pixel Demon? A green toad looking thing that wasn’t even made of pixels and got beaten by a single Bob-omb. … Fucking weak.
The villain’s backstory is right out of terrible creepypasta, the Pixel Demon was locked away in Silver Surfer because the game was “too hard” so he couldn’t be released. Just… all of the stupid!
Then there’s everything before that awful ending sequence. The stupid news scene with… ugh, Johnny Newscaster. Plus, the return of the Genie, now played by Bores, with a horribly flimsy excuse for why he’s no longer played by Brad Harp. Fucking fuck god damn it. He really couldn’t have called him up for a weekend to do some filming?
And yet, I know Bores can do worse. Far, far worse. Like Aladdin, or Zombies Ate My Neighbors, or RoboCop.
1. The E-Begging “Spoof”
This shouldn’t come as a surprise. This video actually made me angry. *sighs*
James Rolfe got in hot water when he had a fundraiser for his movie, of course these critics were just a vocal minority, and many of their points lacked logic. Then James posted a video showing support for a Cheetahmen II Kickstarter that many saw as a scam. Instead of blaming Greg Pabich, the man behind the Kickstarter, everything went towards James. Most people clearly didn’t know the facts, like thinking James was getting the money even though he wasn’t, and none of the blame went to The Game Chasers and Pat the NES Punk, both equally guilty of appearing in the video. Why should James get all the hate?
One would think that with all this controversy, Bores would ignore and get back to being a lazy ass like he usually is. … He did not.
What he did instead was a two and a half minute video called “Ebegging: The Spoof’, which poorly mocked “e-beggers” and clearly attacked James. No hint of subtly at all, but what do you expect?
The video was nothing but hypocrisy. This is the man that frequently has contests to give away stuff, and the key to winning is to subscribe. Being a subscriber somewhat guarantees him a view, and views = money. It’s still a terrible practice, especially when most of the prizes are his worthless DVDs and t-shirts. Multiple times he’s clarified “you have to be subscribed” and got upset at people entering that weren’t subscribed. Doesn’t that seem suspicious to anyone?
He mentions that his fans don’t think his shit doesn’t stink, a reference to someone with an over-inflated ego. He shouldn’t make that joke considering his coliseum sized ego.
As for the attack? He ended the video saying “If you don’t donate, cartoon cheetahs I MEAN pixel demons will come out of the TV and attack you”. Not even trying to hide it, also showing his whole “I don’t watch AVGN” claim is a big fat lie.
After a few hours, he added an update calling out James and Mike for disabling comments and ratings. Go fuck yourself Chris, you disabled comments and ratings all the damn time, that’s the last thing you should call someone out for you piece of shit.
I get the feeling this wasn’t his idea, it was his mom’s. She’s extremely anti-AVGN, praising videos calling him out, becoming friends with Asalieri and many other anti-AVGN critics, as well as anti-IG critics to troll shield herself, saying a lot of the shit that Bores said in his video. I know she reads this blog, and she probably tells Chris “that Nazi retard BatDan just keeps comparing you to AVGN”, even though I barely do that, but my Facebook informant has told me that when someone asks about me, Chris says that’s all I do. Then he proceeds to claim his early videos were parodies. Really? Is that why you claimed you put your blood, sweat, and tears in that Angel & Devil effect in Temple of Doom? Is that why you claimed the TMNT video was really difficult because you played five games instead of one? People that parody retcon are shitheads, like Tommy Wiseau.
Chris may have won people over that day, but that victory was short-lived as I don’t see him doing any more drama videos.
So, those were my Worst IG Moments of 2012. Will 2013 mark the end of the Irate Gamer? Will Chris realize that his only real fan is his mom? Will he realize that his mom is actually driving away people? Will he actually get good? Probably none of these.
See you all in 2013.
As is tradition, it’s time to count down what I think are the worst Irate Gamer moments/videos of the year. This has been a strange year, with Bores flip-flopping on multiple ideas and an overall lack of activity.
His ego stroking was still there, but not as bad as last year. Some people believe he’s actually improving, I don’t see how but okay.
Then again, some people believe I’ve been doing this since 2007, even though my posts date back to 2009. Reading comprehension is hard you guys!
And now, the IG Tally!
Regular Irate Gamer Show: Two (Silver Surfer and X-Men)
His inane storyline continues to trudge along at astonishing speed. It amuses me that he claims this will be his “movie”, showing me he has no clue how movies work.
IG Neo: Eight (Skylanders: Spyro’s Adventure, Ninja Gaiden 3, Sonic Generations, Lego Batman 2: DC Super Heroes, Transformers: Fall of Cybertron, Dead or Alive 5, Resident Evil 6, Skylanders: Giants)
As per usual, Neo reviews take the top spot in actual content. Even with eight videos, this was by far his laziest year. At least I take some satisfaction knowing one of those videos can never be posted to his YouTube account, but more on that later.
I Rate the 80s: Four (Bud Bowl, Colorforms, TMNT Comics, Documentary thing)
So much for this being his regular thing now. Hindsight is a bitch. At least he extended beyond toys and food this year with … commercials (from the 90s) and a comic book series.
History of Video Games: One (Fairchild Channel F)
What’s the point? We all know Chris will never finish this stupid thing. What the hell is wrong with him?
Movies: Three (Michael Bay Rant, Men in Black 3, Hunger Games)
What’s this? Bores actually did movie reviews this year? That’s surprising. Though, he didn’t do a Summer Movies list this year, how strange. Really though, only one of those videos can be called a review, the other two were rants. One just reiterating the same stuff about Michael Bay we’ve all heard, and the other showing Bores has next to no idea what he’s talking about when it comes to movie-making.
E3: Twenty-Two
Less than last year, but still just as pointless. I feel sorry for any of the dumb kids that use IG’s E3 coverage for actual news, instead of the multitude of other sources out there. This number includes the late Family Guy: Back to the Multiverse interview he did.
Sketches: Four (Lakitu, Boos, E-Begging Spoof, Real Real Gaming)
This year saw an increase in sketch videos. All of them terrible.
I remember last year, Bores said he was planning to do more sketches with his other characters. All we got from that was Ronnie singing and that Aflac thing. Another unfulfilled promise, he should be a politician.
Other: Nineteen
These are the videos that don’t fit in any of the categories. These include trailers, contests, updates, his 300th video, the many, many, MANY Skylanders videos that weren’t reviews, his History of Video Games revisions, and that Up Up Ubi “review” that felt more like an update.
Much less than last year, thanks to Bores cutting back on contests and superfluous videos like “trailer reviews”.
Total: 63
Because there wasn’t as much activity as last year, I’ve only selected 11 moments.
11. Haunted Investigators returns… WHY?!
I have to wonder what Bores was thinking when he decided to revive this boring garbage. Did he really think people were so invested in him and his friends walking around abandoned buildings with equipment that detects cell phone signals hoping to find fucking ghosts? “Most popular ghost hunting channel on YouTube” You’re the only one, and people are not going to the channel to watch you fumble with a defective camera while blaming “spirits” on it.
He even said in his 200th video that the ghost hunting thing failed! I imagine Bores thought of the old phrase “at first you don’t succeed, try try again”. I don’t think that applies here though.
What really gets me is that he plans to put this on DVD & Blu-Ray, AND put it on Netflix. Try reaching out for the Asylum, they could advertise it as “Paranormal Activity if the people weren’t actors and they actually took this shit seriously”
10. “I’ll just recycle a four year old video, nobody will notice!”
I Rate the 80s wasn’t as horrid as it was last year, thanks in part to less videos. Of course, they were still bad videos, now on a pointless DVD.
Of the three actual episodes, the worst by far was his look at Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles comics. His look at the original Mirage Studios series was poorly researched and clear that he didn’t read past issue 5 or 6. But the biggest offense was when he talked about Archie Comics’ Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Adventures, where he recycled a video he made about the same comics back in 2008. Why not spend time doing research on further Mirage Comics, then briefly bring up the Archie ones and post a link to your previous video? Are you that ashamed of anything you made prior to your jump to HD that you pretend it never happened and hope your fans don’t remember as you recycle them?
Or hell, maybe Chris doesn’t remember that he made the 2008 video. He’s said before that he doesn’t remember his past reviews. Either way, it was a lazy review and effort, all so he could do sketches with Kid Bores and Jughead.
9. “Must rush review out, don’t care if I barely played it”
This one is a tie between his reviews of Dead or Alive 5 and Resident Evil 6. Both reviews were posted on the game’s release date, and both were astronomically lazy and rushed. The DOA5 review absolutely reeked of “unscripted”, and we’ve seen Bores can’t do unscripted to save his life. Nothing was said about the gameplay or the multiplayer, instead we get 2 minutes of Bores perving over the women in the game, not even trying to hide it. It was like reading Spoony’s Twitter (at least those women are real).
His RE6 review had some semblance of a script, but it was still bad. Well, more boring than the previous review but the lack of actual points or anything beyond Leon’s campaign shows that he wanted nothing more than to get it out by October 2nd. Hell, some of the footage even looked stolen.
In fact, someone on GotGame called him out on it. Of couse, Bores denies it. The comment is still there. Surprising since anything negative towards Bores tends to get deleted. Can’t have anyone bashing their cash cow.
8. Skylanders Skylanders Skylanders
Back in March, Bores posted a review of Skylanders: Spyro’s Adventure, the toy-fueled, money-sucking “reboot” of Spyro the Dragon. Shortly after posting it on YouTube, he made a video about the sequel Skylanders: Giants, going over news that was revealed months ago. He also talked about Giants at E3.
Bores noticed that his Skylanders videos got views, lots and lots of views. More views than his normal content. So Bores only saw one thing, $$$$$$$$.
In the months leading up to Giants’ release, Bores posted a lot of Skylanders videos. All boring, all pointless. It was beyond irritating, the man was obsessed with these things. He even admitted to waiting in line at Toys R Us early in the morning just to get certain figures before they sell out. It’s one thing to wait for the latest tech, but you’re a grown-ass man waiting in line for a KID’S TOY, and you don‘t have kids! Even Jeff Gerstmann wouldn’t do that for his Skylanders.
Even the fans got sick of all the Skylanders videos, the highest rated comments would always be negative.
His Skylanders obsession came to a head when he posted his review of Giants, and not only called “in-depth”, but put more work into the written portion than he has with any other modern game he’s ever reviewed. AND IT WAS STILL TERRIBLE!
Considering how Activision works, I can guarantee there will be a third game next year. To more boring-ass Skylanders videos from Bores! *raises glass then throws it on the ground*
7. The X-Men face their greatest challenge, Mary Sue writing!
The second of two regular Irate Gamer videos released this year. Bores choice of hyping it up was bragging that he was playing 15 characters! Holy shit, that’s nothing to be proud of! To be fair though, the review part was okay. But it’s a game that’s so infamous, so derided, that he really had nothing new to say about it. It’s the type of game that anyone can pick up and realize “this is a pile of crap”.
But the reason it’s on the list is the “storyline” part of it. What a fucking load. As Bores starts playing, he goes over the six playable characters, and all six of them show up in his apartment. Wolverine, Cyclops, Colossus, Nightcrawler, Iceman and Storm. They’re all played by Bores wearing a black turtleneck with X-shaped duct tape on it, various wigs, sunglasses for Cyclops, and visual effects to color his skin. There’s almost no difference between Colossus and Iceman.
Does Bores treat these heroes with respect? No! He’s belligerent, he’s violent, he treats them like servants! Linkara brought up to me that the X-Men are meant to be a Marvel Universe stand-in for minorities, so to see Bores treating them like slaves….. *cough cough*
But they have superpowers, can’t they stop him? Bores cranked the Mary Sue meter to 20 as after he merely swatted Wolverine to his death (I assume death since he disappears for the rest of the video), the rest of the team are reduced to sniveling cowards. If I was doing something like this, I would show respect to the X-Men, apologize to them for having this terrible game to live with.
He also kills Cyclops and Iceman, the former with his still unexplained “Power of Inferno”, the latter is shattered. Worse than The Sentry.
Then there’s his portrayal of Storm, the first female he’s ever portrayed in his five years of videos. Despite only two scenes, she comes off like a total bitch. Part of me thinks that he doesn’t like Storm, considering he said she was terrible in Marvel vs. Capcom 3 (far from the truth), and when she shows up there are crickets chirping (and he still fails at this joke because nobody was applauding beforehand). But part of me also thinks he doesn’t think too highly of women… at least, going by all his pervy comments.
But what about the Evil Gamer? … He’s creating a giant HAL-bot. That’s it. It will probably fight a giant Bores or giant R.O.B. We will see.
6. Ninja Gaiden 3 “It’s easy, so it ROCKS!”
Ugh, Ninja Gaiden 3, what a piece of shit that was. Boring ass game with insultingly easy A.I., severe lack of variety, stupid bosses, lame level design, overabundance of quicktime events, lack of difficulty, lack of violence, and just an overall awful game. They say the Wii U one is better but I haven’t tried it.
However, Bores wants to show that he’s outside of the majority and praises the hell out of Ninja Gaiden 3. Of course, he mentions never playing the first two games, only sullying his opinion on this one.
He even brings up that the game has received negative press, though he makes it clear he didn’t bother to read WHY people hate this game. He mentions that he loves how mindless and relaxing it is, the very thing that fans and critics derided. Meaning Bores loves games only if they’re easy.
At one point, he compares it to Gears of War, despite Gears being a third-person shooter and Ninja Gaiden being an action/hack and slash title. Why the odd comparison? Well, he also mentions God of War in the same sentence, his ignorant ass probably thinks Gears of War is exactly the same. Even though it’s not. Showing that he continues to have no idea what he’s talking about.
What’s interesting is that in the beginning, he mentions that Tecmo themselves sent him the game. I actually believe that, they knew the game was a pile of shit, so they sent it to someone dumb enough not to see its flaws. Once they got their praise, they sent him DOA5, knowing they have a patsy willing to praise anything they do.
I’ve heard that the Wii U version of NG3 retains the difficulty from the first two games, something tells me Bores would hate this updated version.
5. History revisions take priority
I’ve gone on numerous rants about the abysmal pacing of “History of Video Games”. Fans don’t appreciate when they wait 14 months for the next installment, and all they get is 5 minutes about a failed console.
What they also don’t like is even further delays for the next part because Bores’ ego refuses to allow the existence of the SD videos. He must upgrade it to HD and be “consistent”. People don’t want this, and the views reflect that.
Not only are these revisions pointless, they’re somehow worse than the originals. Sure, they’re shorter, but he doesn’t fix the mistakes he made last time, and writing is once again thrown to the wayside for more SPECHUL EFFECTZ SPARKLY.
And why does he revise this stuff? Besides his ego? Because he thinks he can sell this on DVD. Never mind that he can probably get sued for false advertising as this barely scratches the surface of video game history. He can add a “Part 1” all he wants, it doesn’t change the fact that at this pace, he will NEVER finish it. Doesn’t help when he stops going forward and prefers to revisit his past work. What’s next? He’s going to stop his storyline and go back to previous videos and re-edit them to fit this “continuity”? Fuck that noise.
4. “Nintendo is kiddy, Me am manly gamer”
This… came out of nowhere.
Of the 30 something episodes of the regular IG show, only 3 cover games that aren’t on Nintendo consoles (E.T. Kool-Aid Man, and He-Man), giving the impression that he’s a big fan of Nintendo.
When IG Neo started out, he did nothing but games on Nintendo consoles (not counting The Simpsons game, he looked at the PS2 version of that). This changed when he looked at Resident Evil 5, and changed even further when he revealed himself to be a Sony fanboy. The last game on a Nintendo console he reviewed was Mario Sports Mix back in August 2011, and that was in the Video Game Roundup so it was barely a review.
Then came E3 2012, coming out of the Nintendo press conference, Bores decided to change his stance on Nintendo to that of an angry forum fanboy, basically “Nintendo is Kiddy”.
Claiming that he’s happy Nintendo is going the “adult route” while citing ZombiU and Batman Arkham City, never mind that they’re third party games and Nintendo has had “adult” third party games for years now. He goes on to claim that Nintendo needs an “adult” franchise to get Call of Duty money, showing once again that he has no clue how business works. Besides, Nintendo is not going out of business anytime soon.
Then in his Top 5 Worst of E3, he continues whining about Nintendo not “appealing to adults” when he brings up Nintendo Land (which is quite fun by the way). Going on about “Gritty Zelda” and showing he has no idea why people hated Metroid Other M, thinking they made it “for kids” or something. They say “ignorance is bliss”, but it can also be infuriating.
What I don’t get it is how he goes on to put New Super Mario Bros. U in his Top 5 Best of E3, and claim he’s “all about the Mario”. So Mario is the only one that’s “allowed” to be for everyone? Even though the gameplay in Zelda and Metroid are far more complex than “run and jump”? You’re mixing the messages.
Also, this is really hypocritical of Bores to claim, given how he’s overly obsessed with Skylanders. Explain how Skylanders, a game meant for kids, is better than Nintendo franchises, games that are meant for everybody.
Looking back though, Bores seems really insecure about liking things meant for “kids”, going by his comments on WALL-E and Toy Story 3. I’ll let this C.S. Lewis quote sum things up: http://www.goodreads.com/quotes/84171-critics-who-treat-adult-as-a-term-of-approval-instead
3. Sonic Generations stolen footage
It’s clear that Bores barely gives a shit when making his Neo reviews, we’d be lucky to see a game that he actually manages to beat, let alone get far in. Most of the time, he plays for only an hour or a couple levels, nothing more.
This time though, Chris didn’t even bother to play the game at all. Instead, he watched a playthrough on YouTube, and proceeded to use that playthrough to make it look like he played the game.
All the footage in his Sonic Generations review was stolen from YouTube user Cyberman65, who uses a watermark in the corner of his videos to prevent such a thing from happening. Bores probably hoped people were too stupid not to notice it, or he probably didn’t care. Either way, he got caught, and boy did it not look good for him.
GotGame went into damage control mode, adding a disclaimer under the video that included a link to Cyberman65’s first Sonic Generations video (not his channel, just that video). However, Bores was not reprimanded for this. Unless it happened behind the scenes, but nothing official was stated. Can’t make their single source of income look bad.
Cyberman65 himself responded, saying he was very upset and never gave Bores permission to use it. LadyBuggin777 had her own damage control, saying Bores and CM65 were friends. Even though that’s a blatant lie.
Either way, the fact he didn’t even use his own footage tells us that he didn’t bother to play the game. One can tell from his complaint about being unable to skip cutscenes (which is false, you can skip cutscenes).
It makes me wonder how many other Neo videos have stolen footage. I suspected his Arkham City video had it, but I couldn’t really prove it.
This wasn’t even the first time that Bores has stolen footage. In History of Video Games Part 3, he took footage from a CNBC documentary about the same subject, but that time he actually hid CNBC’s watermark. What makes Cyberman65 any different?
This would have been second place, but for once Bores was smart and he didn’t upload this to YouTube. If he did, he would have been flagged soooo hard, especially since Cyberman65 is also a YouTube partner.
2. Silver Surfer Stupidity
Here we go, the worst regular IG episode of the year. Not saying much when there was only two.
This beats out X-Men for having an awful story and an awful review.
The review part had inaccurate info about the controls, petty complaints (like the lack of a save feature despite only playing for a minute and getting game over without making progress), and really just regurgitated the same things other reviewers have said, right down to similar dialogue (“death after death after death”). He also called it a Mega Man rip-off (even though the only similarity is the ability to select your stage) just so he could do an awful joke of a Mega Man sprite waving his fist to the game. Look, the humor should come from the game, not from made-up complaints or Family Guy cutaways. It’s sad how much of Family Guy’s influence has on his show.
The storyline part… oh god. Bores hyped the fuck out this, changing the layout to his site and Facebook page to be about the PIXEL DEMON! Anyone asking about it just got the answer “PIXEL DEMON”. Real creative stuff.
So what was the Pixel Demon? A green toad looking thing that wasn’t even made of pixels and got beaten by a single Bob-omb. … Fucking weak.
The villain’s backstory is right out of terrible creepypasta, the Pixel Demon was locked away in Silver Surfer because the game was “too hard” so he couldn’t be released. Just… all of the stupid!
Then there’s everything before that awful ending sequence. The stupid news scene with… ugh, Johnny Newscaster. Plus, the return of the Genie, now played by Bores, with a horribly flimsy excuse for why he’s no longer played by Brad Harp. Fucking fuck god damn it. He really couldn’t have called him up for a weekend to do some filming?
And yet, I know Bores can do worse. Far, far worse. Like Aladdin, or Zombies Ate My Neighbors, or RoboCop.
1. The E-Begging “Spoof”
This shouldn’t come as a surprise. This video actually made me angry. *sighs*
James Rolfe got in hot water when he had a fundraiser for his movie, of course these critics were just a vocal minority, and many of their points lacked logic. Then James posted a video showing support for a Cheetahmen II Kickstarter that many saw as a scam. Instead of blaming Greg Pabich, the man behind the Kickstarter, everything went towards James. Most people clearly didn’t know the facts, like thinking James was getting the money even though he wasn’t, and none of the blame went to The Game Chasers and Pat the NES Punk, both equally guilty of appearing in the video. Why should James get all the hate?
One would think that with all this controversy, Bores would ignore and get back to being a lazy ass like he usually is. … He did not.
What he did instead was a two and a half minute video called “Ebegging: The Spoof’, which poorly mocked “e-beggers” and clearly attacked James. No hint of subtly at all, but what do you expect?
The video was nothing but hypocrisy. This is the man that frequently has contests to give away stuff, and the key to winning is to subscribe. Being a subscriber somewhat guarantees him a view, and views = money. It’s still a terrible practice, especially when most of the prizes are his worthless DVDs and t-shirts. Multiple times he’s clarified “you have to be subscribed” and got upset at people entering that weren’t subscribed. Doesn’t that seem suspicious to anyone?
He mentions that his fans don’t think his shit doesn’t stink, a reference to someone with an over-inflated ego. He shouldn’t make that joke considering his coliseum sized ego.
As for the attack? He ended the video saying “If you don’t donate, cartoon cheetahs I MEAN pixel demons will come out of the TV and attack you”. Not even trying to hide it, also showing his whole “I don’t watch AVGN” claim is a big fat lie.
After a few hours, he added an update calling out James and Mike for disabling comments and ratings. Go fuck yourself Chris, you disabled comments and ratings all the damn time, that’s the last thing you should call someone out for you piece of shit.
I get the feeling this wasn’t his idea, it was his mom’s. She’s extremely anti-AVGN, praising videos calling him out, becoming friends with Asalieri and many other anti-AVGN critics, as well as anti-IG critics to troll shield herself, saying a lot of the shit that Bores said in his video. I know she reads this blog, and she probably tells Chris “that Nazi retard BatDan just keeps comparing you to AVGN”, even though I barely do that, but my Facebook informant has told me that when someone asks about me, Chris says that’s all I do. Then he proceeds to claim his early videos were parodies. Really? Is that why you claimed you put your blood, sweat, and tears in that Angel & Devil effect in Temple of Doom? Is that why you claimed the TMNT video was really difficult because you played five games instead of one? People that parody retcon are shitheads, like Tommy Wiseau.
Chris may have won people over that day, but that victory was short-lived as I don’t see him doing any more drama videos.
So, those were my Worst IG Moments of 2012. Will 2013 mark the end of the Irate Gamer? Will Chris realize that his only real fan is his mom? Will he realize that his mom is actually driving away people? Will he actually get good? Probably none of these.
See you all in 2013.
Wednesday, December 19, 2012
A New DVD for Nobody To Buy, Now With More 80s Stupidity
The end of 2012 is quickly approaching. It’s been an interesting year for Bores, his attempts at trying to get better have fallen flat in many different ways, and he continues to show that he’s a massive hypocrite that will do anything for attention. Some people are starting to believe he’s not taking himself seriously now, but I really doubt it, especially when he’s given us one final “gift” for the year.
The I Rate the 80s DVD! Wanted by two people, you can now enjoy his terrible “documentary” attempts on your TV! See him fail at economics as he wonders why Yummy Mummy and “gimmicky” Kool-Aid flavors were pulled off shelves. Marvel at him eating 20 year old cereal and dressing up like Skeletor. Watch as he wrestles a toy Japanese wrestler and try to pass off that he has multiple Colorforms sets when he really only has one.
According to him, the DVD contains the 11 episodes of “Season 1” (for someone who’s all about American TV, he really loves his British brevity), a 10 minute documentary (where I imagine he once again pretends he’s being interviewed and try to claim that what he does is harder than it really is), bloopers, an extended scene (just one scene, singular) and more. It can be yours for $13.99. What’s that? You’d rather take that $14 dollars and invest in a failing company? I won’t stop you.
His news post about the DVD has this bit, “your in luck”. You’re 34 years old Chris, and you still can’t tell the difference between “your” and “you’re”? Jeez…
That’s not all, Bores posted a new video about it. A three and a half minute excerpt of the DVD documentary.
Since it’s not the full “documentary“, I’ll just give the big details.
As you might expect, Bores is pretending he’s being interviewed.
He mentions The Breakfast Rant, and believes the idea didn’t work as he pigeonholed himself into only reviewing breakfast. That and it was a fucking stupid idea and its only contribution was the hilarious line “breakfast is ruined!” He also says “breakfast” really weird.
He does bring up the name’s comparison to VH1’s I Love the 80s, but says his is different because it has humor and it’s a documentary. I Love the 80s had humor too, the people talking about the 80s were comedians, actors, musicians, and they were all making jokes about the subjects.
He also brings up the year-long hiatus, apparently it took him that long to think of “actually rating stuff” and “interacting with the items”. The latter he’s already been doing on his other show, so how it took him that long… fuck it.
Then he brings up that like Family Guy, he’s purposely putting in references very few people will get. Doesn’t help when most of your audience consists of little kids! Then again, the average Family Guy viewer probably wouldn’t get even the most obvious of references.
That’s the end of the preview.
Considering that nobody has uploaded the three IG seasons online to other sites, I don’t see this getting uploaded anywhere. I hope someone does do this though (not BitTorrent as NOBODY will seed it).
I also see that the IG 5th anniversary sale is still going on. He said before that once an item is gone, it’s gone. Seeing as everything can still be added to the cart, nobody is biting. I still believe this sale is him trying to get rid of it, along with all the contests.
On the front page, under “latest reviews”, he claims the latest Neo review was on Family Guy: Back to the Multiverse. That’s false advertising as it’s not a review, it’s an interview about it. Those are entirely different things. Unless he plans to review it, then there’s no reason to put it there.
Oh yeah, and he did another Skylanders video. Even made a damn playlist of it on YouTube. Expect more of these boring videos then.
On the bright side, his Hunger Games video with the fake thumbnail isn’t getting a massive amount of views. In fact, it has less than the Colorforms video and Lego Batman 2 video (all posted around the same time).
Unless he uploads something else of importance, the next post will be the Worst Moments list.
The I Rate the 80s DVD! Wanted by two people, you can now enjoy his terrible “documentary” attempts on your TV! See him fail at economics as he wonders why Yummy Mummy and “gimmicky” Kool-Aid flavors were pulled off shelves. Marvel at him eating 20 year old cereal and dressing up like Skeletor. Watch as he wrestles a toy Japanese wrestler and try to pass off that he has multiple Colorforms sets when he really only has one.
According to him, the DVD contains the 11 episodes of “Season 1” (for someone who’s all about American TV, he really loves his British brevity), a 10 minute documentary (where I imagine he once again pretends he’s being interviewed and try to claim that what he does is harder than it really is), bloopers, an extended scene (just one scene, singular) and more. It can be yours for $13.99. What’s that? You’d rather take that $14 dollars and invest in a failing company? I won’t stop you.
His news post about the DVD has this bit, “your in luck”. You’re 34 years old Chris, and you still can’t tell the difference between “your” and “you’re”? Jeez…
That’s not all, Bores posted a new video about it. A three and a half minute excerpt of the DVD documentary.
Since it’s not the full “documentary“, I’ll just give the big details.
As you might expect, Bores is pretending he’s being interviewed.
He mentions The Breakfast Rant, and believes the idea didn’t work as he pigeonholed himself into only reviewing breakfast. That and it was a fucking stupid idea and its only contribution was the hilarious line “breakfast is ruined!” He also says “breakfast” really weird.
He does bring up the name’s comparison to VH1’s I Love the 80s, but says his is different because it has humor and it’s a documentary. I Love the 80s had humor too, the people talking about the 80s were comedians, actors, musicians, and they were all making jokes about the subjects.
He also brings up the year-long hiatus, apparently it took him that long to think of “actually rating stuff” and “interacting with the items”. The latter he’s already been doing on his other show, so how it took him that long… fuck it.
Then he brings up that like Family Guy, he’s purposely putting in references very few people will get. Doesn’t help when most of your audience consists of little kids! Then again, the average Family Guy viewer probably wouldn’t get even the most obvious of references.
That’s the end of the preview.
Considering that nobody has uploaded the three IG seasons online to other sites, I don’t see this getting uploaded anywhere. I hope someone does do this though (not BitTorrent as NOBODY will seed it).
I also see that the IG 5th anniversary sale is still going on. He said before that once an item is gone, it’s gone. Seeing as everything can still be added to the cart, nobody is biting. I still believe this sale is him trying to get rid of it, along with all the contests.
On the front page, under “latest reviews”, he claims the latest Neo review was on Family Guy: Back to the Multiverse. That’s false advertising as it’s not a review, it’s an interview about it. Those are entirely different things. Unless he plans to review it, then there’s no reason to put it there.
Oh yeah, and he did another Skylanders video. Even made a damn playlist of it on YouTube. Expect more of these boring videos then.
On the bright side, his Hunger Games video with the fake thumbnail isn’t getting a massive amount of views. In fact, it has less than the Colorforms video and Lego Batman 2 video (all posted around the same time).
Unless he uploads something else of importance, the next post will be the Worst Moments list.
Saturday, December 8, 2012
The Turd-Polishing Continues with the Light Rifle
Wow, this came out sooner than I thought it would. I covered Part 2, might as well cover this added bit.
Before I talk about the video, I should mention a different one he posted to GotGame. An interview about the game “Family Guy: Back to the Multiverse”. Originally filmed at this year’s E3 (I know since his blooper reel had a shot of him talking to the same representative in front of the same Family Guy sign), for some reason he decided to post it now. Not sure why since the game has been out for a couple weeks now, and has received abhorrent reviews, so I don’t see how this will build hype when there’s no longer any hype to be built.
Onto the Light Rifle video. Like the Odyssey revision, this is shorter than the original (5:19 compared to 6:35) and I imagine it will be just as stupid.
0:00 - 0:50: Wow, starting right off the bat. No intro or anything.
He brings up cards 7 and 8, then cards 9 and 10 and how they come with the Light Rifle. He once again brings up they’re hard to find and says “you’ll have to sell your soul for one”. Yep, he didn’t bother removing the Devil Bores bit, and the “sell your soul” line is just as forced.
“Sorry Satan, I already have one” It’s the same one you have since you’re just me in a mask.
“What? Well motherfucker” Okay, so he didn’t change that line. Further confusing me into what direction he wants to take his videos.
He then quickly goes over how the gun works.
0:51 - 1:52: He brings up the same “flawl” about how the rifle works if you point it any light source. That happens with light guns, even the NES ones. That’s what the light sensor in the gun is for.
This guy can explain it better than I could: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c3tBk-LYyzo
IG skips over the Prehistoric Safari game and begins looking at Shootout. He does the same scene where the theme from The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly plays followed by “ACTIONY MUSIC” as IG tries to make this look cooler than it really is. Chris, if this is for the so-called “DVD”, you can’t have Ennio Morricone music. Just like how you can’t have John Williams music in the first video.
He also added banter like “Come on!” and “What else you got?!” during the shootout. When that one last guy appears, he adds an effect when he shoots him. Really, this is all the revisions have done. Rather than fixing mistakes, he adds pointless effects.
1:52 - 2:27: He proceeds to Dogfight, and makes the same mistake of calling them “Nazi aircrafts”. Again, those are bi-planes, something that was more suited for World War I. Then we get the same scene of Bores putting on a jacket, a scarf, and sunglasses while playing the game to Flight of the Valkyries, a song more suited for Vietnam (Apocalypse Now anyone?) Also, why does he have a fan going? All it’s doing is making the posters move, this isn’t making it “epic” or anything.
And he does the same joke where the dot appears over his head and he shoots it. All this wasted time and energy going into recreating bits he already did. And he wonders why he’s losing fans?
2:28 - 2:49: IG then looks at Shooting Gallery, and calls it boring (probably because he couldn’t think of a dumb sketch to along with it).
He also adds this text “Warning: Objects May Appear More Boring Than They Already Are”. Hahahahaha wow, someone should add that to the beginning of all his videos. That is just the perfect warning.
Interesting to note, my Facebook informant told me that Bores said he added sight gags he couldn’t do on his old editing software. If this was one of them… that must be some ancient as hell software if you couldn’t add text to a video. *remembers the Dr. Jekyll Mr. Hyde Princible* Or maybe it’s something else.
He then pretends to blow his brains out with the rifle. What, no falling over like you’ve done before with the NES zapper?
2:50 - 4:24: And so we come to the HAL betrays him scene. Oh joy.
Same stuff happens. HAL hits IG with the gun, HAL says “bring it bitch”, then the anticlimax where IG… merely removes the card. But this time it’s padded out to last longer and make it look like he’s actually suffering. Too bad the fake electricity is making this look really silly rather than “badass”.
“Who knew he could do all that operating on C batteries?” Hey, don’t go pointing out the plot holes in your own writing. That’s my job.
The video ends with more history. He claims the second reason the Odyssey didn’t sell was the lack of rules and point system. Noooo, the Odyssey was new, nobody knew what to expect of it. Also, I did some research and people really did think that the Odyssey would only work on Magnavox televisions, something that I thought was bullshit originally. Yet, Bores removed that little trivia from this version. Hmmm.
Then he ends the video saying that Pong is next, while holding a sprite of the ball. I don’t mean like one of his “wooden” sprites, as in he digitally put it in there. Why not just hold up a Pong console?
That was… well to quote this very video “Objects May Appear More Boring Than They Already Are”. It was just boring, and I can’t really say if this is worse than the original 2B. The HAL parts were at least, especially when his HAL impression is still awful. Can’t you hire a voice actor or something? Oh wait, that would require him to pay, and actually give credit to someone.
I don’t think it’s worth e-mailing these videos to Ralph Baer, especially when he didn’t bother to fix the mistakes he made before. I just wish there was a way to contact Nolan Bushnell or Al Alcorn about the Pong videos.
Before I talk about the video, I should mention a different one he posted to GotGame. An interview about the game “Family Guy: Back to the Multiverse”. Originally filmed at this year’s E3 (I know since his blooper reel had a shot of him talking to the same representative in front of the same Family Guy sign), for some reason he decided to post it now. Not sure why since the game has been out for a couple weeks now, and has received abhorrent reviews, so I don’t see how this will build hype when there’s no longer any hype to be built.
Onto the Light Rifle video. Like the Odyssey revision, this is shorter than the original (5:19 compared to 6:35) and I imagine it will be just as stupid.
0:00 - 0:50: Wow, starting right off the bat. No intro or anything.
He brings up cards 7 and 8, then cards 9 and 10 and how they come with the Light Rifle. He once again brings up they’re hard to find and says “you’ll have to sell your soul for one”. Yep, he didn’t bother removing the Devil Bores bit, and the “sell your soul” line is just as forced.
“Sorry Satan, I already have one” It’s the same one you have since you’re just me in a mask.
“What? Well motherfucker” Okay, so he didn’t change that line. Further confusing me into what direction he wants to take his videos.
He then quickly goes over how the gun works.
0:51 - 1:52: He brings up the same “flawl” about how the rifle works if you point it any light source. That happens with light guns, even the NES ones. That’s what the light sensor in the gun is for.
This guy can explain it better than I could: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c3tBk-LYyzo
IG skips over the Prehistoric Safari game and begins looking at Shootout. He does the same scene where the theme from The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly plays followed by “ACTIONY MUSIC” as IG tries to make this look cooler than it really is. Chris, if this is for the so-called “DVD”, you can’t have Ennio Morricone music. Just like how you can’t have John Williams music in the first video.
He also added banter like “Come on!” and “What else you got?!” during the shootout. When that one last guy appears, he adds an effect when he shoots him. Really, this is all the revisions have done. Rather than fixing mistakes, he adds pointless effects.
1:52 - 2:27: He proceeds to Dogfight, and makes the same mistake of calling them “Nazi aircrafts”. Again, those are bi-planes, something that was more suited for World War I. Then we get the same scene of Bores putting on a jacket, a scarf, and sunglasses while playing the game to Flight of the Valkyries, a song more suited for Vietnam (Apocalypse Now anyone?) Also, why does he have a fan going? All it’s doing is making the posters move, this isn’t making it “epic” or anything.
And he does the same joke where the dot appears over his head and he shoots it. All this wasted time and energy going into recreating bits he already did. And he wonders why he’s losing fans?
2:28 - 2:49: IG then looks at Shooting Gallery, and calls it boring (probably because he couldn’t think of a dumb sketch to along with it).
He also adds this text “Warning: Objects May Appear More Boring Than They Already Are”. Hahahahaha wow, someone should add that to the beginning of all his videos. That is just the perfect warning.
Interesting to note, my Facebook informant told me that Bores said he added sight gags he couldn’t do on his old editing software. If this was one of them… that must be some ancient as hell software if you couldn’t add text to a video. *remembers the Dr. Jekyll Mr. Hyde Princible* Or maybe it’s something else.
He then pretends to blow his brains out with the rifle. What, no falling over like you’ve done before with the NES zapper?
2:50 - 4:24: And so we come to the HAL betrays him scene. Oh joy.
Same stuff happens. HAL hits IG with the gun, HAL says “bring it bitch”, then the anticlimax where IG… merely removes the card. But this time it’s padded out to last longer and make it look like he’s actually suffering. Too bad the fake electricity is making this look really silly rather than “badass”.
“Who knew he could do all that operating on C batteries?” Hey, don’t go pointing out the plot holes in your own writing. That’s my job.
The video ends with more history. He claims the second reason the Odyssey didn’t sell was the lack of rules and point system. Noooo, the Odyssey was new, nobody knew what to expect of it. Also, I did some research and people really did think that the Odyssey would only work on Magnavox televisions, something that I thought was bullshit originally. Yet, Bores removed that little trivia from this version. Hmmm.
Then he ends the video saying that Pong is next, while holding a sprite of the ball. I don’t mean like one of his “wooden” sprites, as in he digitally put it in there. Why not just hold up a Pong console?
That was… well to quote this very video “Objects May Appear More Boring Than They Already Are”. It was just boring, and I can’t really say if this is worse than the original 2B. The HAL parts were at least, especially when his HAL impression is still awful. Can’t you hire a voice actor or something? Oh wait, that would require him to pay, and actually give credit to someone.
I don’t think it’s worth e-mailing these videos to Ralph Baer, especially when he didn’t bother to fix the mistakes he made before. I just wish there was a way to contact Nolan Bushnell or Al Alcorn about the Pong videos.
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